


Mending

by WackyGoofball



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Avengers!Madness, Drama & Romance, F/M, First genderbender ever, Friendship, Genderbending, Loki grows on the Avengers at last, Odin sucks, Romantic Soulmates, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Thor and Loki forever, Thorki - Freeform, fem!Loki, ladyloki
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-20
Updated: 2015-11-17
Packaged: 2018-04-22 15:23:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 41
Words: 228,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4840559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WackyGoofball/pseuds/WackyGoofball
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Avengers are on their daily mission of saving the world when they suddenly find themselves in a tough spot they cannot maneuver out of. But they get unexpected help. It will come as a huge surprise whom they find behind the mask. Male!Loki & Fem!Loki, Thorki, Avengers!Madness, a bit of everything, hopefully.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Checkmate

**Author's Note:**

> This story carried over from the realm of ff.net, but I decided to post it here, too, in case there are folks out there who are in need of a bit of Thorki with a bit of genderbender. 
> 
> I am no native and this story was not proofread by anyone but myself, so... blame my English teachers, please. I try my best, I do. 
> 
> This is my first attempt at a gender bender story. I wanted to expand my horizon a bit, if only just a bit. 
> 
> Therefore, this story is obviously AU - and my representation of the characters is of course not perfectly adequate, I mean... you just can't capture perfection, right? 
> 
> As to the setting: This is after the events of Avengers, before Thor: Dark World. Plus, in this story, Loki didn't kill anyone (especially not Coulson, I was sooooo sad when he died). I just think if Loki actually murdered that many people, it would be hard to reconcile in any way and make this story work, though he did cause a lot of havoc, for the record (people just almost died).
> 
> Plus, I will not put as much emphasis on the fighting scenes, they might be present, but I want to focus on the personal relationships within the team and not their fights (in detail, that is), so real action will be not as present as some may wish, for which I apologize.
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing, not evenmy mind, for it is dedicated to fanfiction and shameless fangirling. 
> 
> I hope you'll like it anyway ;)

__

_Life: A useless condition. Why? Because history is bound to repeat itself. Sounds great, right? Almost epic. This curious circumstance seems to make history or the many organisms within more than what they are, more than they will ever possibly be. Something eternal. Yet, that is just an illusion - because the truth is that all of us are just fools._

_We make the same mistakes over and over and over and **over** again, till all worlds shall end - and go down in an epic crescendo of powers no one was yet able to truly grasp. Just for history to repeat itself. We are reborn, tossed back into the pit we crawled out of, are thrown back in time by being thrown into an unknown future._

_For what? Nothing, obviously. Yet, we cannot fend off this urge, for truly, we are just animals creeping out of the depths of the Aether. And that is ever the more a reason to regard this moment of creation and recreation a useless condition. We are useless, pawns in a game of chess whose contestants are, well, the deities and the sciences are still eagerly fighting about who is sitting in the chairs, trying to beat each other. Yet, it remains that there are just some powers that take their seats and push us pawns from right to left, back and forth and kick us out, end our lives, just the way they please. We are at the mercy of entities that do not even remotely care for us, or even if they did, never make any effort to show that._

_Nevertheless, we are begging, on our knees, stones biting into our flesh, face in the dust, for these ruthless emperors to bring us back again, use us in the next game, and hopefully for all those still to come. We cannot even imagine a world, a reality, a life in which we do not live, do not exist, are breathed into being. The thought is so utmost terrifying, or rather, the terror is so deeply ingrained into our very beings, that we rather accept the pains and sorrows of life in infinite regress, enslaving us to the unknown masters, wearing the collar with a swell of pride in our chests, than giving in to the bliss of non-existence. Foolish animals, that is what we are. We fight for something that should not be fought for, yet..._

_Yet we do. All of us. All organisms, animals, humans, God or Gods, we all strive to live, to be, with biting teeth and clawing nails. We have to exist - what for? No one knows, no one even seems to care. It is not about how, but that._ _**That** _ _you exist matters, not under which circumstances. If you enslave yourself does not matter. After all, we are still alive then, and that is all that counts. The urge wins the fight - we lose._

_And that is the epic irony of it all: No matter what we do, we lose. If we give in to our urges, we lose our dignity, ourselves, are whores to the powerful figures looming over the checkerboard. If we actually find the power to give in, though, so that we are not forced to crawl, we lose our lives, our existence, are swallowed by the Aether. And in essence, darkness claims us and blows the candles out._

_The game is over._

_Checkmate._

_**We lose** _ _._

_And is that not truly useless, utmost pathetic? No, it is_ _**madness** _ _, actually. It is madness to do things over and over again, live or let someone decide on our lives, and expect a different result at some end, this divine state of Nirvana, Scheol, Heaven, Sechet-iaru, Dschanna, Paradise, the Afterlife. The madness we all share is that we expect things to change at some point, and that for the better - or for the worse if you are rather pessimistic and believe in world's doom. Through doing the same thing, answering the same urge, answering the demands of a figure we do not know or see, we expect our lives to change, expect us to change, even if in fact that marks our rigidity. Because our eternity is just a history of repetition. Of mistakes. Truly, this is madness. And that makes us perfect fools, because we allow to be the pawns._

_All of us are just pawns. At checkmate. The end of the game is always the beginning. Our loss is the constant. Our gift is our loss, life is a lost game of chess, because the chessmen are simply newly aligned and the first move is made, dooming us all over again._

_A useless condition._

* * *

The Avengers are on a mission to save the world, as always. The Egghead is raging again, but this time it's not looking good for the team. The mad scientist created a set of machines which will cause a chain of explosions that could blow up all central cities of the world. SHIELD sent out the team to stop the madman, after Tony stopped laughing at the man's face, as always. However, the tables turned since the machines make matters worse than expected. The energy output is so great that the tower in which the base is set is faltering. The Avengers give it everything they have to get through to the machine to disable it, but thanks to the traps the Egghead has prepared for them, it's getting increasingly difficult. One of the main problems is that Thor can't absorb the energy, because, despite the fact that it's like lightning, it's apparently not, something that Egghead thought of beforehand. So yeah, it's looking bad.

"Fuck! How is that even possible!? We are losing?! To _that_ guy?!" Tony cries out in sheer exasperation.

"Perhaps ordered retreat would be the best of options...," Natasha grimaces.

"No way!" Tony pouts. They can't lose to that guy. They didn't lose to the Chitauri either, for goodness sake!

"Stark, we are losing this battle," Black Widow argues sternly. "And it might be best to recollect before we strike again."

"I don't think I will let that happen!" Egghead smirks viciously.

Debris ricochets against the walls, forcing the Avengers to retreat behind the remains of the walls once again.

"We have to find a way to shut down that machine or else this is our end!" Steve yells.

"The problem is that we can't simply distract Egghead to break through. He set out those traps beforehand. So that's pointless," Clint argues.

"And if we don't get there any time soon, the machine will blow and we are chow!" Tony mutters.

"It's no help, we gotta give it another try," Steve sighs.

"So, we'll try it from all sides and see if someone slips through?" Natasha retorts. That is no real plan... this is simply suicide - and all know that.

"You got any other plan?" Steve retorts.

"Sadly... no," Natasha exhales. Really, she would like to have a better plan in store, but... they have nothing at this moment.

"Awesome," Tony snorts, "I can't die on this mission. I can't lose to this guy, c'mon, he's an egghead, _literally!_ That wouldn't ever leave me!"

The Avengers set out for their next attack, but their attempts remain futile. Egghead created traps for each of them, blocking their paths by nullifying their abilities. Thus, they just find themselves on the ground once again as the madman laughs in the background, already sure of his victory.

"I think it's time to move things up a gear!" Egghead laughs evilly. With that he activates the next stage, seemingly. The machine sends out thunderbolt-like energy flashes that tear down the tower, shaking the building to its foundation.

"WE GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE!" Steve yells. But it's already too late. They duck for cover as the explosions rock the tower further. But when they fear the building will collapse on them – and they along with it... nothing happens. After a few moments of confusion, they dare to glance up to see a hooded man standing on one of the broken pillars, a giant shield of energy engulfing the machine now, keeping it from breakout. It's a man dressed in black leather and a dark blue hood covering his face, silver applications and belt completing the picture.

"What the hell?! Who is that?" Tony grimaces.

"I don't care for as long as he helps us. Right now, we need it!" Natasha argues.

"I'm with you on that one," Tony nods absently. He is too busy watching this guy - and what his diagrams and calculations can tell him about this hooded guy.

"Guys, we should help... our help," Steve grimaces, pointing ahead. The others nod in agreement before spreading out again. The hooded man makes quick work and lunges at Egghead. That is when the Avengers realize the true advantage that just unfolded in front of them: Egghead prepared traps to block them, but not a guy whom he has never met. That means they finally have a chance to turn tables. The hooded man moves almost cat-like from the pillar, his jump mighty, but well-aimed... even if...

"Is he coming off short?!" Tony gasps in shock once realization hits him. The Iron Man already intends to catch the man falling, but the hooded warrior suddenly fires a futuristic looking shuriken at Egghead, who was distracted by the man's downfall. After all, one doesn't expect the man to fall who just pulled such a trick. The hooded man hits him squarely in the shoulder, making Egghead cry out and retreat a bit. The new one uses the momentum to catch a part of the wall to cling on to, his grip firm and steady. He swings upwards and suddenly disks of light appear in the air. He swiftly jumps upon them to throw another shuriken at the enemy, missing him only by inches, but making Egghead sway. The hooded man uses the disc to surf in one swift motion back around – and toss another shuriken.

The Avengers used the time to disable the trap system Egghead set out and are now finally able to make their way to the platform on which the base is set.

"Stark, come here. You have to help us disable this thing," Natasha tells Iron Man over the comm.

"On my way," Tony hums. He flies over to the panel and starts to work his magic. They would normally count on Banner, but he is full in Hulk-mode, and they know better than to interrupt him in that mode. No one digs a Hulk Smash at work... or in general.

"Hulk, the debris falling off might kill people," Steve tells the green monster. "Get it out of the way."

The Hulk grunts before jumping outside and collecting the chunks of wall as they fall.

"Am I the only one feeling reminded of those old video games where you have to catch fruit?" Tony frowns at the Hulk as he catches the debris, to which Natasha angrily retorts, "Stark, for once, focus on what's on hand."

"Thor, help the hooded guy," Steve instructs the thunderer.

"But no thunder! You might mess with the machines," Tony tells him quickly.

"Alright," the God of Thunder nods before he swings Mjölnir to hit the villain, but he swiftly gets away with his transportation machine. He simply appears at the other end of the tower, making Thor grunt in anger. Yet, the hooded man seemingly anticipated Egghead's move – and is now standing behind the villain, a knife to his throat.

"Switch off the machine," the hooded man says, his voice sounding somewhat distorted.

"Go to hell," the villain snarls.

"I have already been there," the man mutters, tightening his hold on Egghead a bit more, causing him to yelp once.

"There is nothing you can do anyways. The system is meant to overload – and blow you all up. If that means that I go down along with you, then this is how it is," Egghead argues self-consciously.

"If we kill you now, you'll never know if we manage to confound your plan after all," the man argues darkly.

"How would you?" the villain snorts, to which the man only shrugs, "Think about it. I stopped your tiny machine once – don't you think I can do it again?"

"That is too much for anyone. It's the power of...," Egghead means to say, but the hooded man quickly interrupts him in a low voice, "You don't know what I'm capable of, do you?"

"You won't manage," Egghead argues sternly.

"So you really want to give it a try?" the hooded man taunts him. The villain swallows thickly, clearly intimidated despite the act he tries to keep up.

"Thought so," the hooded man sneers.

"Fuck! This is not working!" Tony cries out, his fingers dancing over the panels relentlessly.

" _Not working_? Stark, not working is not working now! You gotta shut this down!" Natasha growls at him.

"Tell me about it! But I can't change it. Whatever algorithm I try, it always sends me back to the beginning. I can't even get past the first friggin' firewall, if this is a firewall, coz sure as hell I can't tell. Whatever weird language that is – I don't know what those signs mean! I'd have better chances making my PhD in Swahili. This would take years to decipher! We need the security code to overwrite the system back to anything language-like," Tony curses. He never saw something like this before. He can deal with most technology, obviously, but this is nothing that he ever saw before.

"Thor, get the security code out of that guy, _now_!" Natasha yells at the thunderer. The God of Thunder makes his way over to the two.

"You heard the Lady. Security code, now!" the hooded man snarls, pressing the blade deeper into the skin, drawing blood, which makes Egghead whimper pathetically, though he manages to say in a calmer voice, "Again, go to hell."

"I shall smash your ridiculous head if you don't tell us," Thor threatens him.

"You'd do me a favor with this. That way I know you'll never get the codes," Egghead argues maliciously.

"Hold him so that he doesn't squirm away," the hooded man nods at Thor. The God of Thunder goes with it, even if a bit hesitantly. The hooded man, once Egghead is secured, takes hold of the man's temples. Egghead gasps, his eyes wide.

"What are you doing?" Thor asks, unable to keep a bit of shock out of his voice.

"Getting the codes," the hooded man shrugs. The villain squirms beneath his touch, clearly terrified at what is happening with him.

"... Is that guy just pulling the Spock-move?!" Tony blinks at the three incredulously.

"FOCUS!" Natasha yells, knocking against the Iron Main suit harshly.

"On it, on it!" Tony mutters, punching in more sequences.

"Thor, we need the codes, NOW!" Natasha reminds Thor another time. The hooded man suddenly lets go of Egghead and flips a disk into the air to jump on to join the others on the podium, searching the panel Tony is working on relentlessly.

"God, what kinda language is that?! I don't even get through the alphabet!" Tony cries out. The hooded man nudges him aside, his hand stretching out over the panel for a few seconds. There is an energetic pull beneath his fingertips. The machine is seemingly responding to him, which makes this encounter ever the odder. Who the hell is this guy?!

After a few moments, his fingers start to dance over the board effortlessly and at rapid speed.

"You can read that?" Tony blinks at the hooded man, but he doesn't answer. Instead he continues punching in codes. Suddenly the symbols change into Roman letters.

"What?! What did you do?" Tony stammers helplessly.

"As you suggested, I got the code from this fool's mind and overwrote the system. Then... simple translation. Now you just have to disable it. Do you think you can do it?" the hooded man asks.

"I can take over from here, yeah," Tony agrees. The hooded man nods curtly before he takes his stance in front of the machine, spreading out his arms.

"What are you doing?!" Steve frowns.

"He can disable it, but the energy that is already created needs to be released," the hooded man replies calmly, making Natasha gape at him, "What?"

"He's right," Tony agrees as he glances at the screens. "Even if we shut down the reactor, the energy is too much to _put back_. The buffers are fried. The relays dropped out ages ago. And this machine can't convert the energy back. It has to be released in some way. We can keep more energy from being forced out, but _that_ blow stuck in there still has to blow."

"But what do you want to do in front of it?" Steve argues. That can't be a very safe spot after all. The hooded man suddenly sends energy balls upwards to enlarge a hole in the roof just above the machine.

"Dude! Careful! This building might break down any second!" Clint growls.

"I need... _Thor_... here. Someone will have to take over the pathetically deformed man he's holding," the hooded man says, still unimpressed by anything the others say. Steve nods and makes his way down to Thor, who is giving Egghead into his care before he swings his hammer to move up to the platform.

"You command the thunder – get outside, take a stance on the tower over there. You'll have to use your hammer to guide the energy into the sky," the hooded man tells him.

"This is not thunder. I cannot control it," Thor argues.

"I will make it thunder," the hooded man tells him sternly. "The machine cannot convert the energy, but I can. You will just have to shoot the thunder I am going to deliver you into the nightsky."

"But...," Thor means to argue, but the hooded man snarls at him with urgency, "We have no time. Go."

Thor nods, swinging Mjölnir to fly through the crack in the roof to take position.

"Okay, the system is shut down. The energy level is constant. Whatever you think you're doing... now'd be the time, man!" Tony tells the hooded man, whose only reply is, "Away from the machine."

Tony doesn't waste another second, but grabs Clint and Natasha to bring them out of the immediate danger zone. The hooded man takes his stance. The barrier slowly disperses and then the lightnings strikes out from all sides. Yet, they are caught as they are absorbed into the hooded man.

"Okay... that is... officially awesome," Tony manages to say.

"Only if he survives the trick," Natasha argues. That is when suddenly the energy, in form of real lightning, shoots upwards to where Thor is standing, who then guides it into the sky.

"I think it's working, wow," she puckers her lips, visibly impressed. Till last she didn't think this would happen. After a few more surges of energy, the reactor dies out and the light fades away until the deafening buzzing from before finally disappears also. Suddenly... silence.

"... It _did_ work... can we keep him?" Tony asks, still blinking. The hooded man goes to his knees, heavily leaning on his hand.

"Stark – help him," Natasha urges the Iron Man. Tony flies up to the platform again to turn to the hooded man, "Yo, man, are you alright?"

He glances at the ground to see blood splattering on the ground in fairly big droplets. The man hacks and grunts as though in pain. That surely was a bit too much even on the new badass of the Avengers Club.

"Okay, I guess that counts as an answer," Tony winces sympathetically. "Guys, we need an ambulance..."

"Not... needed," the hooded man croaks, his chest heaving painfully.

"You are bleeding, I think it kinda is," Tony grimaces. The man suddenly is back to his feet, sways for a second, but catches himself before Tony can even try to offer him support.

"Dude, you don't have to do the lonely dying hero here," Tony shakes his head. However, the hooded man, without a further word, flings a disk he means to jump on, but misses. He quickly creates another one to make sure he doesn't fall, but it is obvious that he is drained of his energies.

"Guys, we have a hurt deer on the run," Tony tells the others over the comm. The man lands on the lower level, his disks no longer supporting him.

"Hey, you! We are trying to help. There's no need to run off," Natasha assures him quickly, holding her hands up in the air. Maybe he is just confused after the attack. However, the hooded man makes a run for it, to one of the huge gaps in the wall.

"Should I knock him out?" Clint suggests drily.

Natasha turns to him angrily, "He helped us. We will try to be civil before we do that... We should just try to catch him before he does something real stupid."

"That might be too late already...," Clint snorts, nodding ahead. And Hawkeye might be right with that, since the hooded man makes his way over to the edge to seemingly jump out. In his condition, that is perhaps not that much of a good idea, possibly deadly idea.

"Fuck!" Natasha cries out before she turns to Tony, "Stark?"

"On it," Tony replies, already up in the air. He flies over to the edge, just as the man walks over it.

"Dude, now give it a rest," Tony sighs. He means to catch the hooded man, but once he touches him, he disperses into thin air.

"The hell?! Guys, that guy just dispersed into nothing...," Tony blinks. That was... not part of the plan.

"Okay... this guy is really something," Natasha shakes her head. Tony flies further down, and sees the hooded man again. The Iron Man loses no time as the ground is coming closer by the second, but when he means to grasp him, one of the disks is sent his way and Tony has to dodge. It causes no damage, but is enough to gain distance. That guy really tries hard to stay away from them.

"Dude, you will die!" Tony tells him, though he feels that he is just pointing out the obvious. Tony already fears he will have to pull away so that he doesn't hit the ground himself, but suddenly a blotch of green flashes past him... and the hooded man is pushed... _very..._ roughly into the wall by said blotch, the Hulk, as it turns out.

"Bad Hulk!" Tony yells.

"Debris!" the Hulk grunts, blinking at him incredulously.

"No, man who helped us!" Tony curses, lecturing him like a naughty child. "Bad Hulk! You don't smash someone who helped! Bad Hulk! Bad Hulk!"

"What's going on out there?" Natasha grimaces.

"The Hulk just smashed the guy into the wall, coz he thought he was debris. Now I do not only feel grateful... but also pity for the guy. That looks like it hurt," Tony explains, but then curses at the green monster again. "HULK! Now get him up there, but be nice, okay?"

The Hulk nods before he grasps the slender form of the man and jumps up the tower.

"Remind me to never play catch with him," Tony mutters under his breath. "Hulk, put him down, slowly."

The Hulk obeys, even if the guy is rather _thrown_ to the ground. As he lands, the hooded man is instantly back inside his head, though his movements are sluggish, still. He tries to get away from them, even if it means he has to crawl, as it seems.

"Okay, uhm... we've had a bit of a bad start, I guess," Tony grimaces. "Look, the Hulk didn't mean it. That's just his way of expressing love."

"You should just take it easy. Ambulance should be up here any second to treat you," Natasha adds.

"I don't... need it," the hooded man grumbles.

"After the Hulk Smash, _anyone_ needs it," Tony shakes his head with a smirk.

"He's really persistent on that one," Clint grimaces. He is likely refusing treatment also, but that... is a new level of refusing treatment.

"Look, we want to thank you for helping us out. So let us help you in turn," Natasha tries to assure him. Tony comes closer, growing impatient, "Dude, now don't be a bitch about it. I don't like hospitals either, but you just got struck by lightning and then struck by the Hulk. I'd call it a night if I were you."

He grabs him by the shoulder, but the man pulls away with much effort. Tony means to grab him again, but only catches the hood, subsequently pulling it off. And that is when world stops turning for a second. The Avengers gape at the man in front of them.

"Well... hello there... long time no see," Tony grimaces. That is the moment Thor comes back through the roof, "What is the matter, mates? I was just..."

He glances at the rest of the team who are all staring at the formerly hooded man. Thor can't see his front, because he stands in his back.

"I guess... I should go... now," the man grimaces.

"Don't even dare to move," Clint snarls, already pointing an arrow at him.

"What is this about?" Thor blinks at his teammates. He uses Mjölnir to travel the rest of the way – and that is when he comes face to face with the man also.

"Long time no see," the man huffs. "... brother."

"Loki?!" Thor blinks.

_Checkmate._


	2. Negotiations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Avengers learn the truth about their "help's" stay here on Earth. 
> 
> Interrogation rooms. 
> 
> Fury and Loki talk. 
> 
> They make a deal.
> 
> Not all are pleased about that.

The Avengers are back to the headquarters, now with one more person in tow, which is still unbelievable, thinking about it. Loki's injuries were treated, but that is merely due to the fact that he just saved them, but is now put into one of the interrogation rooms.

"Big Guy, would you mind explaining to us now what dear destruction-dandy is doing here?" Tony gesticulates.

"He was banished to Midgard," Thor tells him, to which Clint snorts dismissively, "You seriously let your mad adopted brother go havoc on Earth, now that he's pissed you off over at your little island?"

"My Father decided so," Thor snarls. He respects and likes all the Avengers, but they don't get to talk about Odin like that. They have no idea what it means to be a God, and even less what it means to be the Allfather.

"Wow, that's neat. You just dump him here once it's inconvenient?" Tony retorts sarcastically.

"Don't speak in such a way about my kin, Man of Iron," Thor hisses.

Steve jumps in, trying to mediate once again, "What he means to say is that it comes as a surprise that you just... I don't know, bring him here, without anyone's notice."

"It had to be," Thor explains. "In Asgard he had it too easy to escape and seek power again. Here, Loki's resources were limited enough to make sure he cannot cause further harm, so the Allfather decided."

"Did you just... accuse earth to suck?" Tony frowns.

"For goodness' sake, shut up, Stark," Natasha rolls her eyes at him.

"I can assure you that this was at no point a danger to you, for I was sent here under the premise to observe Loki's actions. I am here to protect your planet. And Loki did nothing," Thor assures them. He is Midgard's watcher - and thus Loki's watchman also.

"Until just now," Clint snorts.

"I just watch out for _destruction_ he may cause," Thor argues. "A lot of his power was taken from him."

"Why not all?" Natasha frowns. At least that is what she would have done if she had the power to take someone's power.

"Because we can't, so we had to learn. Loki is natural at magic. We may take from him powers stemming from Asgard, but we can hardly take the knowledge from him, or his natural skill. It is part of his being. He _is_ a sorcerer," Thor explains. He can still remember how Loki laughed at them after the first time they tried to take the magic from him, and he just snarled a new chant that actually worked, his smile ever so mischievous.

"Seemingly enough remained to make him pull this kinda stunt," Tony grimaces.

"But why did he help us?" Steve frowns. And that seems to be central question here: How comes that the same guy who, not long ago, tried to blow up this planet, is now... on their side? Risking his own life for them?

"That is what we'll have to find out," Natasha says. "I'm going in."

Without another comment, she makes her way inside and sits down in front of him.

"Lady Romanov," Loki flashes his trademark smirk at her, though no one expected any less from him.

"Loki," Natasha nods curtly.

"What can I do for you?" the trickster asks calmly.

"Well, actually, you can do what you're so proficient at," Natasha snorts. " _Talk_."

He smirks at her with a huff, slightly leaning back in his chair as far as the cuffs allow him to.

"Why did you come to our rescue tonight?" Natasha asks.

"I think Thor informed you about my banishment by now," Loki shrugs with an air of nonchalance.

"Yes. It came quite as a surprise...," Natasha grimaces. To say the least...

"Well... it did to me, too, so we... have something in common. Though I hope that you understand that I did not just come to you personally to tell me about my stay here. That would have been even more ridiculous than... _this_ here," Loki snorts, waggling his cuffs a bit to make his point.

"Sure," Natasha shrugs.

"Well, I'm bound to Midgard. I may not leave this place, or so it was decided by the Allfather himself," Loki huffs.

"... go on," Natasha urges him. Loki flashes a brief smile at her before he carries on, "This machine would have destroyed the entire city. And the stations this ridiculously looking mortal had all over the globe would have led to destruction."

"How is that of concern for you?" Natasha frowns.

"As I said, I am bound to Midgard," Loki shrugs.

Natasha grows impatient, "Don't play around, Loki. We've been there all the way and back again."

Loki turns a lot more somberly, "You don't see, Lady Romanov. I am bound to Midgard. I cannot leave. If something happens to this planet, such as absolute destruction, then I'm bound to it, I cannot leave. I would go down along with it."

There is a long moment of silence.

"Is he serious?" Tony blinks at Thor, who has his arms crossed over his broad cest in a defensive way, "It is true that he is bound to earth. The banishment makes it impossible for him to travel to the other realms. We blocked this certain ability. He can transport on earth itself, perhaps, but not to a different realm, unless he gets a permission from the Allfather himself."

"Well," Tony grimaces. "Even if this is Loki, the guy who's cried wolf way too often, then... I mean... that still makes sense, right? As for... why he helped us out?"

"Most certainly," Bruce agrees as he glances back to the two in the interrogation room.

"So you seriously seek to risk your own life for the greater purpose?" Natasha asks skeptically.

"Not really. Just my own. It was either to go down fighting – or go down letting you lose the battle for me. I thought I might change the situation for the better, so I acted upon this notion. It was merely a choice based on selfish reasons, of course. How would it be any different?" Loki replies with an air of sarcasm or is it? At some point, no one is sure what to make of his actions anymore. First he tries to destroy earth, almost manages, is beaten, and now he is secretly back to earth... and helps them? This sounds too outrageous to be true.

"So this was a one-time-thing to you?" Natasha asks.

"I cannot say so for sure, I fear," Loki shrugs.

"Why?" Natasha questions, to which Loki replies, "Quite easily, Lady Romanov. Looking into to the future that far is not within my capabilities. I do not know if it will become necessary again. And judging by this poor performance today... I fear that it might become necessary very soon again. I have to make sure I have a realm to stay on. If earth is destroyed, then so am I. Therefore, to me, it is quite clear that in case your dear Avengers cannot fulfill the task, I may have to jump into action again to... help you out."

His emerald eyes flicker with unexpected determination.

"And you think we'll just let you get away with that?" Natasha challenges him.

"I think nothing of it all. I will just sit it out," Loki smirks at her.

"Yeah? Why?" Natasha questions.

"I actually have an offer to make, but I think that is something I'd have to settle with your Master Fury, then," Loki shrugs.

"What deal?" Natasha demands. So are they finally getting ot the catch here?

"I will talk to Master Fury. I do not wish to repeat myself all the while. I am actually tired after this battle, so I would kindly ask you not to make me explain things over and over, if we can shorten it for both sides by simply letting me talk to the right people from the beginning," Loki snarls spitefully.

"I'll see what I can do," Natasha says, consciously keeping her voice calm and even.

"Thank you, Lady Romanov," Loki says, with more honesty than could ever be expected from the God of Lies. With that she leaves the room. Meanwhile, Fury arrived and observed everything.

"Boss? What do we make of that?" Natasha blinks at Fury, who replies drily, "Well, if what both Asgardians say is true, then I don't see why he wouldn't have interest in earth to continue to exist."

"He tricked us before. He might do again. He _will_ do again," Clint argues gloomily.

"I will hear him out, about the deal, then we'll see," Fury declares.

"What?!" Clint gapes.

"It can't harm to hear him out," Fury shrugs.

"Well, _I_ don't think like that," Clint grumbles.

"Duly noted," Fury nods. With that he enters the interrogation room, taking his seat where Natasha sat before.

"Ah, Master Fury. Such an honor that you could make it," Loki smirks at him.

"Let's leave the nice words aside and cut to business. I'm not here to boost your self-esteem or to humor myself. What deal do you wish to make?" Fury snaps.

"I like straightforwardness. A fair trait of the mind. Hm. Well, my deal is a quite simple one. I got a glance at you and your work, and most of the time I'm quite impressed, let's say, or rather... positively surprised," Loki smirks.

"Go on," Fury sighs.

"But there are times such as these that make me believe that you know too little to protect yourselves and humankind entirely," Loki argues.

"And in how far is that _your_ business?" Fury snorts.

"I already told Lady Romanov that I am bound to this planet and these people, therefore," Loki snaps. "I have interest in maintaining the one 'home' I have left. That is Midgard, earth. As much as it hurts to admit. If I wish to survive, I have to make sure that earth continues to exist. Quite an easy equation, don't you agree?"

"Then what do you think you can give us?" Fury asks.

"Well, that I'm a proficient fighter... I think that is something I did bring proof for," Loki shrugs.

"Just carry on," Fury sighs with annoyance in his voice.

"I have traveled many places before I came here. I have learned things that you don't even know the existence of. And I'm willing to let you profit from that," Loki smirks faintly.

"What do we have to do with bad things from other universes? We already have enough to deal with in terms of the guys we have here on earth," Fury snorts.

"Evil remains evil, Master Fury, it just wears a different face. So now, you wish to make the world a safer place. I want the same. You want to catch the _bad guys_... as you call them. I can get you to them. _That_ is why you should concern yourself with other universes," Loki explains coolly.

"How would you do that?" Fury asks him.

"I am what one may call an _evil mastermind_ at times. I gathered information I'm willing to share – about your dear arch enemies," Loki shrugs.

"Again, how would you tell? And how would I tell that you're not just telling me shit?" Fury snorts.

Loki, leans back in his chair, "Do you wish to know where Doctor Doom hides? Or how to disable his weapons?"

"Yeah, right," Fury snorts. "Nice poker face, but you could tell us a shit and we wouldn't know it to be true."

"Then let me ask you this way: Do you know where this man hides?" Loki asks instead.

"No," Fury replies, so Loki goes on, "Since I believe that Master Stark and Doctor Banner are watching this conversation: How about you let them run a test. I give you a location – and they will certainly find a way to tell whether there is _something."_

"You might have ties to him and that's how you know – and this is just your way of perhaps buying our trust," Fury argues.

"And you believe that I have ties to all these people – after I spent here only just a few months of your time? I assure you, that does not work. And I wouldn't profit from it," Loki shakes his head. And not that he'd bother either. Useless creatures.

"What? Ruling the world is not part of the picture anymore?" Fury huffs. After all, that was the very last impression he gave when he came to earth...

"Not really," Loki replies coolly.

"Why would I believe you that?" Fury asks.

"Master Fury, I wish to make it clear to you, but you have to let me," Loki argues.

"Fine, let's give it a shot," Fury shrugs, leaning back in his chair. It can't harm to see what the trickster has in store. The agent takes out a piece of paper and a pencil from the inner pocket of his coat he then slides over to Loki.

"Write it down," Fury instructs him. "And don't come me with the cuffs. You can write with them on, I'm sure."

Loki flashes a brief smirk before he scribbles something on the piece of paper before returning both items to the agent. Fury leaves the room without another word. He hands the paper to Stark and Banner, who instantly use one of the computers to run tests.

"One can find Gamma-rays in Doom's weaponry. If we find those, we might have good chances," Bruce nods.

"Okay, so now... what does that look like to you?" Tony grimaces at the screens.

"Like a secret lair underground... with Gamma-ray signature and high energy in-and output," Bruce shrugs.

"And here are heat signatures... so this place is occupied... and there are shipments under one of Doom's aliases...," Tony goes on. Bruce turns to Fury, "There are very, _very_ good chances that this is Doom's actual hideout. I'd believe it is."

"Yup," Tony agrees. "And that's too precise to be a good guess. He even gave specifics about how deep the thing is underground."

"I'm actually kinda impressed," Natasha grimaces.

"Who's that guy?" Tony blinks at the screens again. He knows how long they tried to find this guy... and Loki comes up with it just like that.

"My brother is proficient in his field," Thor tells him. "If he sets his mind on something, he will do it in perfection. Loki knows many people, for the sake of information. He spent most of his days learning and gaining knowledge. He has probably read more books than... _anyone_."

Thor grimaces as he brings out the words. A while back he would have said so with a swell of pride in his chest, but now it just tastes like acid. Truly, his brother is a talented man, but... he threw it all away, threw his family away, his world. Simply everything. And here they are just to start all this over again. Just when does this madness stop?

"So you think he means it?" Natasha asks him.

"... yes," Thor says after a moment of contemplation.

"Boss? What's it gonna be?" Clint asks curtly.

"Question remains," Fury grimaces. "Might be he just sells out Doom to get a ticket in."

"But he said he'd prove it to us. Perhaps he's got better than that?" Natasha suggests.

"What would that change?" Clint asks skeptically.

"Well, if it is as he says and... he can find us the bad guys, or give us information on their weapons... it'd be foolish to turn down the opportunity without giving it consideration," Fury shrugs.

"But we don't know what he wants for that," Clint snorts.

"And that is what we'll find out now," Fury says. Without further comment, he leaves the Avengers and reenters the interrogation room to take his seat.

Loki grins at him smugly, "Judging by the angry facial expression of yours, I was correct in my prediction."

"In fact the chances are good. Good enough to at least listen to you," Fury shrugs.

"I'm glad to hear that," Loki smirks. One thing that one has to give Loki is really that even in the situation of being chained to a table in an interrogation room does not in the least seem to trouble him or make him nervous. No matter what, Loki owns this situation, makes it seem as though this was all part of his plan... and at some point, it might still be.

"Problem remains: What if you are just giving us tiny bits of informational to gain our trust?" Fury argues, to which Loki replies coolly, "We both are aware that I shall never gain it. After the trouble I caused... nah, trust is... almost impossible."

"Then why all this here?" Fury asks, gesticulating at the room and Loki's cuffs.

"Even if we may not reach mutual trust, we might still benefit from each other," Loki replies.

"In how far?" Fury demands, so Loki says calmly, "Well, what would you like to know? Do you want to know how to do interdimensional time travel? Do you wish to know where to find energy resources like the Tesseract? Do you wish to know about what little it takes to disable nuclear bombs or one of Doctor Doom's weapons? Do you wish me to translate to you all those languages you do not speak, such as that today? I can write you all that down on paper and give it to you."

"So as far as I take... you offer us your knowledge. Correct?" Fury summarizes. Loki nods. They already had that, but fine... mortals are slow little creatures. You have to give them time to catch up on these things. They are hardly past the stage of crawling after all.

"Knowledge, my powers, or what is left of it. You may use it as you please," Loki huffs.

"Question is what you want for that," Fury asks. And that is probably the most interesting question here.

"Nothing much," Loki tells him. "I already told you. I stayed in the shadows for a while, because I know that I am a criminal here also. I only stepped out of the shadows since I feared this weird man might destroy earth. And since I am to live on this planet, as it seems, it would be foolish not to make any attempt of stopping its destruction. So you see, I'm quite modest in that regard. All I am asking for is that I will not be turned in for the crimes I committed here on earth."

"You are afraid of prison?" Fury blinks at him.

 _"Afraid_ is such a hard word. No. Quite simple: I got a taste of that treatment back in Asgard, and I did not enjoy it much. I will remain imprisoned here on earth anyways, but then I have at least a bigger cage," Loki snarls. The trickster knows that this is no more than changing one evil for the other, but he long since learned that it is always like that. Life just depends on making these choices, and hopefully make the right one, choose the lesser evil, the smaller pain. Because the pain will always stay. By good choice you may only change its intensity.

"There is a problem with that, though," Fury grimaces.

"I already feared for you to say that," Loki sighs.

"People know you," Fury shrugs. He was all over the papers, the news... people are making merchandise from him, as one of the Avenger's bad guys.

Loki flashes his typical toothy smile, "I certainly left an impression."

"Well, it will cause a lot of trouble to recruit the one guy who tried to destroy the world before...," Fury shrugs.

"I see that just the way you do," Loki nods, surprisingly calm.

"Well? How do you think we move around that?" Fury asks him curiously.

"You leave me a choice?" Loki blinks at him, actually surprised.

"Well, _my_ idea would be to bring you in on the Avengers," Fury says.

"No way," Clint growls, hitting the wall with his bare fist.

Natasha tries to calm him, "Clint, keep it cool."

"You'd be bound to the house, pretty much," Fury goes on.

"So it remains a prison?" Loki snorts sarcastically. The lesser evil...

"Bigger one than a cellar. And you'd have considerable freedoms," Fury argues.

"Go on," Loki nods curiously.

"You'd work as a consultant. Tell us what you know. The Avengers take care of it," Fury says.

"And what about me fighting?" Loki asks.

"I can't just put you on the team like that. It took a lot of effort to piece this group together – and you know that they...," Fury grimaces, and Loki completes with a grin, _"Hate_ me, yes."

"Honestly? Yeah, I think they do," Fury grimaces.

"And so do you. And so I hate them. Everyone hates everyone, isn't that joyous?" Loki snorts.

"Still you actually consider cooperation?" Fury questions, to which Loki rolls his eyes at him, "Master Fury, if I chose to refuse cooperation with each and everyone I despise... I would hardly cooperate with anyone at all."

"Well, as I said, I can't put you on the active team like that. It would be dangerous, for them, for the world, and even for you...," Fury explains. Loki nods with a grimace. One point Fury has to give the Norse God is that Loki is a very logical person, or so he seems. If this were Thor, Fury would have a much harder time getting the touchy topics across, but for as long as there is a logical explanation, Loki is at least willing to listen, which is a huge plus.

"But... if you prove yourself, we may think about expanding your rights – and that may also include that you join us in battle, unofficially," Fury offers.

"He can't be serious!" Clint cries out exasperated.

"You know that Fury always is," Natasha argues.

"I don't think I like this," Steve grimaces, arms folded over his chest.

"But guys... he is a good fighter... and he is a friggin' mastermind," Tony throws in.

"So what?" Clint snorts.

"Well, it's our purpose to save as many people as possible, as far as I understood the agenda outlined in the Avengers Contract. If someone might be of help... who are we to turn him down?" Tony shrugs, and Bruce agrees, "I'm with Stark. We have to see that the need might be bigger than the cost. Loki will seemingly stay here. And then it might be better to have him somewhere where we can have an eye on him. If he helps us, only the better."

"Right," Tony nods. "Loki will try to get his way anyways. That means he will either go on and do a one-man show – and end up failing, or he'll intervene with us in fight to get his thick skull through. I'd bet on the former, though."

"To let him into a building where he might get access to SHIELD information, really?" Clint blinks. Those guys can't be serious, can they?

Bruce shrugs at him, "As far as I can judge... getting access to those is no problem to him anyways. And at some point I actually believe he doesn't care."

Back in the room, Loki took his time considering the option, "So your offer is actually that, for when I prove myself, I shall have the opportunity... to risk my life?"

Fury has to grimace at that actually. Even if this is pretty much what the deal is about, it sounds really odd when spelled out that way. Is that really a privilege, given that we are talking about Loki?

"I thought you wanted that," Fury nods, keeping his voice purposely calm.

"Oh, I don't argue about that," Loki smirks. "But you can't deny that this sounds ridiculous in more than one way."

Fury maintains a strong façade, "Do you want the deal, yes or no?"

"I have interest in that deal, I assure you, but we have to set out the mainframe before I can give my consent. Or do you actually think I just sign a contract I have not read?" Loki huffs.

"No, that's right. If you have interest in a cooperation, then we have to settle the conditions," Fury agrees.

"Exactly. So... I shall stay in the shadows of your agency, until decided otherwise," Loki goes on. If he learned one lesson throughout his life, then it is that you have to spell everything out when it comes to these people, or else they will just keep on searching for loopholes... and find them.

"Yes," Fury nods. "For that you'd get your living expenses covered. You'd get a room to yourself and you'd be free to move around the house as you please. As I said, you'd be restricted to the house at first, and may only leave with other Avengers or SHIELD agents around or if told so, but you'd have considerable freedoms you would certainly not enjoy in a cellar. I would grant you that."

"And who tells me that you won't just put me in a cellar and then demand information from me? We had the talk about the boot and the ant, no?" Loki argues.

"I'd state that specifically in a contract, a binding contract," Fury assures him.

"And who tells me that you'd stick to it?" Loki shrugs. What's a piece of paper, right? You can shred it, burn it, make paper planes from it...

"You have my word for it," Fury tells him.

"... the word from a spy of a secret agency... do I find this convincing?" Loki asks playfully.

"Do you?" Fury questions.

"What would be if you violated that part of the contract?" Loki goes on.

"We won't," Fury shakes his head.

"... this is a very one-sided kind of conversation," Loki snorts.

"Well, think about it. I can't give you more freedoms as a result. You would only try to get yourself into such a situation, then, to have gain," Fury argues.

"True," Loki nods. For a mortal, this agent is making incredibly much sense. Loki has to give him that much.

"And if this were to happen and I'd then release you, leave you free... then you'd have no gain from this. I don't think a million dollars would move you in any way. There is nothing much I can give you other than my word for it," Fury explains.

"So it remains that I am bearing the greatest risk here?" Loki grimaces.

"If it assures you in some way, I will get my ass kicked for merely considering this deal," Fury bites his lower lip, though he knows it's more than a weak argument.

"That is indeed satisfactory in more than one way," Loki replies smugly.

"So? Still in for it?" Fury asks.

"Certainly," Loki nods. "So... You would grant me that the possibility for me to gain more freedoms?"

"Yes," Fury agrees.

"In a binding contract I get to read thoroughly?" Loki goes on.

"Yes," Fury approves.

"Given that, it may become necessary that I would have to research certain things. My knowledge of your law does not reach as far as it may be needed to fully grasp the conditions of this contract," Loki carries on.

"You may take a lawyer also, an outside party, so that he or she's neutral. And you'd be granted material for self-study, to make sure you are not tricked in any way," Fury offers.

"For me to be part of that contract, I suppose, for it is set for your realm, I'd have to gain the status of one of earth's inhabitants, or as you say, _citizens_. We have to be of equal power and responsibility in terms of the contract, or else you might just say that I'm what you coin as an ' _alien_ ' after all and decide against my will on these grounds," Loki argues.

"You'd be treated like any citizen in that regard," Fury nods.

"Aha. And in that contract you guarantee me that if I prove myself with 'good work' and cooperation... I'd heighten my chances of improving my status and freedoms," Loki goes on.

"Yes," Fury approves.

"You would guarantee me that your men in black will not use me as guinea pig for you to learn something about me or where I have my magic bones?" Loki huffs.

"Yes," Fury agrees.

"And you'd guarantee me that I wouldn't be forced to go to prison for my past crimes, perhaps future crimes not included?" Loki asks.

"Yes," Fury nods.

"And you guarantee me shelter in exchange for work," Loki carries on.

"Yes," Fury agrees again.

"And you'd grant me that, in case it gets really 'tough', to help out so that I don't have to fear for the planet I live on to be destroyed?" Loki questions.

"Only with my okay, but yes," Fury gives him that much.

"And for that I'd guarantee you my cooperation, that I share information with you, that I work for you unofficially, and that I am generally of help to the Avengers?" Loki asks.

"Yes," Fury replies. "You'd agree to stay in the house until decided otherwise. You'd work with whoever we assign to you. You won't lie to us about information."

"Okay," Loki nods.

"You don't blow up earth," Fury demands sternly.

"Ha, pity," Loki laughs smugly.

"You won't do harm to others," Fury goes on.

"In self-defense?" Loki argues.

"For _that,_ yes. If it's actually a threat to your life - and not because you started it. In battle, too, if it comes to that," Fury grants him.

"Good," Loki nods. That is more than he thought he'd get.

"Well, you are generally at our service," Fury shrugs.

"Fine with me," Loki agrees.

"And... you'd have to agree to find yourself a disguise for public, so that no one knows that we have the God of Mischief as one of our consultants. People would go havoc," Fury argues. Loki takes a moment of contemplation before he says, "... I see."

Fury threatens, "And if you violate the contract and mess with SHIELD and or the Avengers, I have any right to nullify it – and then you'll be thrown into prison for the rest of earth's days, and we will find measurements to keep you low, trust me."

"Where do I sign?" Loki smiles at him sarcastically. It's vacuous, he knows, but... so is his existence, so what does it matter in the end?

"We will work out the contract, for now it's an oral agreement, but it's binding the same way. That means you don't have to fear that we take advantage of you in any way. We will live according to these rules till they are put down on paper," Fury tells him, to which Loki grins, "That is alright with me. Though I am not too sure about the Avengers... they will hardly like it."

He glances to the camera with a smirk, seemingly well aware of their presence.

"You have a contract with me the way they do. They will have to come to terms. And I can guarantee you that they won't do any you physical harm. If they do, sanctions will follow. I don't think I have to tell you that this won't be easy, though," Fury grimaces. To say the absolute least.

"I see the necessity, Master Fury," Loki shrugs with a self-conscious smile tugging at his thin lips. "I would prefer to stay on my own and live my last days in banishment until someone takes the pity to rightly kill me, but perhaps I can grant my life another meaning after all – and do such a ridiculous thing as living for a greater purpose. No offense."

"We'll make arrangements to have you moved," Fury says.

"Thank you," Loki nods at him. Fury leaves to join the Avengers again, who are already in heated discussion.

"Fury, I don't think this is a good idea," Steve grimaces as the man joins them.

"The God of Mischief in our house? Not good," Natasha shakes her head. That was definitely not what she had in mind when Fury suggested cooperation.

"He will only use the opportunity to do us harm," Clint sneers.

"Give it a rest, people. We all know that you hate him coz he kinda mind-raped you, but...," Tony jumps in, but Clint interrupts him with a deep growl, "I will shoot you."

"You wouldn't dare," Tony smiles, but Clint is unimpressed, "Before you have your suit on, I'm already done with you, Stark."

Bruce jumps in as the mediator, "Guys, we have to see that Loki might be a good asset to the team."

"Or he blows it up," Natasha retorts.

"Or he doesn't," Bruce replies.

"But we cannot know," Natasha argues, and Steve agrees, "Right."

"But you have to see that our purpose here is to...," Tony means to say, but Clint interrupts him once again, "Och, shut up, Stark."

"How about you shut up, Legolas?!" Tony snarls.

"Now all of you shut up!" Fury curses, making all of them shut up instantly. They turn to face him.

"We won't repeat what we had last time when Loki joined us and played both ends against the middle. This is the best option. Loki is here on earth. We can't change that circumstance. If his father thinks it's great to dump him here...," Fury explains, which makes Thor growl at him. Yet, the agent goes on, unimpressed, "Then we won't change his mind. He's too powerful. And a war with Asgard is the last thing we need. And the last thing we'd survive. We should make the best out of it. We get a chance to watch him and make sure Loki doesn't do anything stupid. We can profit from his knowledge. And we have him within reach of the guys who already brought him down before. _You_."

"We are not welfare," Clint snorts.

"Doesn't he deserve a second chance, too?" Tony argues. Natasha bites her lower lip at that.

"You are kidding me, right?!" Clint snarls. "This guy tried to blow up earth!"

"Well, we gotta give him that he's a God. When he goes raging, there is more than a few dishes being thrown. Look at Big Guy. He fries people with thunder if he thinks they deserve it. Those guys are just on a different level of... destruction," Tony argues, but Clint is not convinced at all, "But Thor has it under control. Loki doesn't."

"That we don't know. Perhaps he has changed," Bruce throws in, and Tony agrees, "Right. He wants to protect this planet. Loki could also put his hands in his lap and say: ' _Go to hell and I go with you_ '. That guy's not afraid of death. If he were, no point in helping us out today. And the Loki from not so long ago would've been all up for option one and would've told us to go to hell and fuck ourselves. This guy here, whether he means it, shows actions that he does indeed care. That is at least worth a shot."

" _Worth a shot_? If he goes havoc again, then...," Clint sneers, but this time Tony interrupts him, "Whatcha think will he do if we fire him just like that? Don't you think it's better to have him as our friend than as our foe?"

"We can't grant such a criminal another chance," Clint snarls, but that is when Natasha blurts out, "I was given a second chance also."

"That's different," Clint replies defensively.

"In how far? He didn't even kill anyone. I did," Natasha argues.

"It's only luck no one got killed," Clint shakes his head. Just because he didn't kill anyone doesn't suddenly make him a good person. That guy tried to take over. That means he is no one you should befriend if you can help it. No, if you have the chance, you should toss him into the deepest and darkest pit you can find - and leave him there to rot and decay.

"But no one died at his hands. Just coz he is of a different race doesn't mean that we cannot apply the same standard we apply to ourselves. I was granted a second chance after all I did. I don't say I like this, but it's no argument to say that he doesn't deserve a second chance after what he's done. If that were so, I never would've been allowed to have a second shot, Clint," Natasha tells him, but Clint remains defensively, _"You_ I can trust. That guy I don't."

"Back then you couldn't trust me either," Natasha argues vehemently.

"It's different," Clint snarls.

"It's not. It's just that Loki's a God. _That's_ the difference," Natasha retorts.

"Big Guy? You didn't say anything yet?" Tony turns to Thor, and Steve agrees, "Right, you are best judge. He is your brother. You know him better than anyone else of us."

"No one really knows him, that is what I had to learn the very hard way," Thor sighs.

"But do you think that we can trust his words, or not?" Steve questions.

"Loki is a pragmatist and an opportunist. He does what fits his purposes best, but he is intelligent enough to see when he is at his limits," Thor tells them. "Loki knows that he cannot escape his sentence here on earth. He valued his options already on the way from Asgard to here, believe me. Loki knows exactly what he is doing. He seeks this opportunity because it fits his purposes. And that is why we can have good faith that he will cooperate."

"If he is a logical thinker, and for that I hold him, then it's actually as he says. It's only logical for Loki to try to protect earth, because he's got no other place – and he sees that he might prevent bigger harm to himself if he keeps the world safe. With turning to the Avengers he increases his chances because he knows that a team is still better than a one-man-show. Those are his best survival chances," Tony agrees, and Fury joins the chorus, "Exactly. Which is why my decision is final. Loki is now on the Avengers Team as an unofficial member. He will get a room within the Mansion. If anyone makes a personal vendetta out of this and does harm to him, he'll have to face my wrath, and I damn well mean that. I think I don't have to tell you to take predicaments for him not to take off. Am I clear?"

"We got it," Natasha nods curtly.

"Good, then let's prep him up for transport. Make sure that no one sees him entering or exiting the car. We don't want that all over the papers," Fury grimaces.

Did the tide just turn?


	3. The House Rules

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki is brought to his new 'home'. 
> 
> Loki does a little Houdini. 
> 
> Tony explains the house rules. 
> 
> Bruce runs a medical check on Loki, and learns a bit more about the man on the way. 
> 
> Thor talks to Loki, or rather warns him.

Eventually, all are brought back to the house. Loki, quite conveniently, mirrors one of the agents to enter the building without anyone's realization. One can say about him what he wants, but as of now, he is pulling off his part of the contract. The team assembles in the next best room.

"Okay, now that we are here... we come to the house rules, Tricky Vicky," Tony breaks the silence.

Loki, now back in his usual shape, just glances at him, not showing any emotion. He is really good at this.

"Okay," Tony claps his hands together. "So we have this computer system, JARVIS. He does anything upon verbal command – you may use him, but you have restrictions. You don't get data from him, other than perhaps where to spot certain people or things in the house. You will not get weapons from him. Just what keeps you alive, pretty much. He won't let you out unless you have our permit... Regard him as a map of the house... and a food dispenser that talks."

"Interesting," Loki tilts his head curiously.

"You will get your own room. We have plenty of those. There is video surveillance in all hallways and rooms. If you pull something, we'll see you do it, and then we come with the cavalry," Tony warns him.

"If it makes you feel better?" Loki replies with a shrug of his shoulders.

"Yes, a lot," Clint snorts, to which Loki smirks, "Great for you, then."

"The Ops or labs are taboo for you when you are on your own. You will only get there with our permit. I have a lock that will be one pain in the ass even to you, so don't even try it. You are not allowed to get Avengers or SHIELD intern information, even without using JARVIS. You will stay in the house, unless you get told otherwise. Just what Fury said," Tony goes on.

"Very well," Loki nods calmly.

"Your weapons will be kept in a storage," Tony explains, to which the trickster grins, "Otherwise they would get dusty anyways."

"No magic," Clint snarls, the memory of the last time he got a 'taste' of Loki's magic ever so clear inside his mind.

"That might be difficult," Loki grimaces. "I'm very much accustomed to using magic for the simple tasks of life, such as getting dressed. If I slip on that it'd mean a violation of contract – I don't know if I'd fancy being thrown out for one slip of the tongue."

"Fine," Natasha sighs. "But no magic that does harm to others or this place. You will not do this for vicious attacks on either person or place whatsoever, yes?"

"I can fully agree to that," Loki nods.

Clint threatens, "And we will do bad things to you if you shit with us."

"Then I shall try not to do bad things," Loki smirks at him. That mortal can try all he wants to threaten him, Loki will not listen to what he says. His contract is with Fury, not his minion.

"Don't try, just do it," Clint snarls, to which Tony snickers, "Do. Or do not. There is no try."

Bruce massages the bridge of his nose with a grunt, "Seriously?"

"Hey, _Star Wars_ is cool," Tony argues vehemently, to which all roll their eyes.

Loki breaks the moment of silence by waggling his cuffs noisily, "Is there any chance that these will come off any time soon? I mean, they are fashionable accessories, but they will make everyday life a bit complicated."

"I would rather not," Clint huffs. No, to him, they could stay on the God till later... as in... _never._ Loki lets out a dry laugh, "I don't think that this is regarded as considerable freedoms, though. Up until now I did you no wrong, hm?"

"Right," Clint rolls his eyes.

"Then I think I earned myself that much," Loki argues. Clint goes on to disarm the God of Mischief, who lets it happen with a shrug and casual smirk. Loki produces several daggers, knives, shuriken, arrows, bombs of varying sizes... a real arsenal. No one comes around but stare at the sheer mass of weapons he hid in his clothes – and well so without anyone's realization.

"I rather come prepared," Loki winks at them nonchalantly. After some time, Clint is sure he got them all.

"Very well. I am no longer a threat for my weapons," Loki snorts. If only they knew... That being said, he makes one quick move of the hands and is stripped out of the cuffs which he holds out to Barton to take, much to everyone's surprise.

"I thought those ban magic," Natasha gapes in shock.

Thor also has to stare, "They do."

They are shocked, of course, but the Avengers are probably even more surprised at the fact that Loki actually kept them on in the first place, if they have actually no effect on him.

"Yes, but there is this humorous tradition of simply moving the right way to get out of these. I think your Houdini was profound in this field, though I do not have his expertise, of course... though I have to apologize for the rash move. Those things just itched too badly," Loki smirks at them.

"Okay, uhm," Natasha puckers her lips as she recovers from the shock. "Perhaps we should do another check-up."

"Right," Clint agrees, "Make sure he has no bomb hidden in his stomach, ready to go off once we turn our backs on him."

"Bruce?" Natasha turns to the doctor, who grimaces, "I will do that. Uhm... will you follow me peacefully?"

"Of course, Doctor Banner. You know that you are one of the few people I do respect?" Loki tilts his head as he follows the man to the lab.

"Is that so?" Bruce frowns. That is not the impression he got when they last came together, no... definitely not.

"In fact," Loki nods. If Bruce didn't know any better, he would actually believe Loki's words, at least he sounds like... meaning them. _Ugh_ , when did everything get so complicated?!

"Last time you wanted me to be your big minion as the Hulk," Bruce snorts, to which Loki shrugs, "Oh, I was of a generally bad disposition by the time."

"Well, let's hope for you, then, that your disposition won't get the better of you again," Bruce replies sarcastically.

"I surely hope so, too," Loki smiles at him. They leave the rest of the group to go to the lab. Bruce walks ahead of Loki, who is having his hands crossed over the back, glancing around as they make their way down the hallways. Bruce glances over his shoulder occasionally, just to catch sight of what one could really call a calm, curious child taking in its new surroundings. But Bruce is having none of it. That guy is evil, _evil_ , for goodness' sake! Once inside, Bruce immediately makes his way over to the tables to gather the objects he needs for the check-up. And far more importantly, he needs a moment to recollect. Bruce can feel the nervousness rising inside of him, a warmth creeping up to his chest, nothing severe on the Hulk-Scale, but still enough to throw him off his usual routine. And the doctor doesn't like that, especially if it's, well, _Loki_. This man just makes him uncomfortable by nature.

Bruce busies himself with the machines and computers, "Take a seat."

Loki obeys and sits down on the cot. Bruce turns around in his chair, now with a tray of material he needs and puts it down on the small desk next to the cot.

"Okay, uhm," Bruce sighs. "I don't know much about your physiology. I hope at some point that it's like Thor's..."

"As in the form now, yes," Loki assures him.

"Because you're shapeshifter," Bruce nods.

"Correct," Loki smirks. That man certainly is one of the smarter creatures roaming this planet. That much is for certain.

"I see. Well, that is _convenient_... in some sense," Bruce frowns. "Okay, ugh, first I'll need a blood sample."

Loki holds out his hand for the syringe. Bruce frowns, but Loki explains calmly, "I don't think you'll find a spot to draw blood. And I do not fancy being your pincushion. So how about I do that myself?"

Bruce grimaces. To give Loki something he could kill him with? Might be not as much of a good idea. Only God, or well, Loki knows what he can do with a syringe. Maybe build a nuke? Who knows?

"As you can see, this is empty, so I cannot poison you, the needle is too short to reach major arteries. I will not take it to make an attempt on your life, Doctor Banner, rest assured," Loki tells him, almost in a soothing way. Bruce snorts, but gives it to him anyways. Loki doesn't start, though, but instead searches Bruce's eyes, "You may step back if that makes you feel more comfortable."

Bruce nods and does so while the God rolls up his sleeve and starts to draw blood at his wrist, but way closer to the palm. Bruce surely wouldn't have searched there, so he was seemingly being earnest. The liquid soon drops into the container of the syringe. He makes it full before holding the object out to Bruce – with the needle pointing towards himself. Bruce takes it with a nod, before giving him a swab, "Press that on the wound till it stops bleeding."

Loki obeys wordlessly once again and looks up to the doctor with expectant eyes.

"Okay," Bruce says. "Would you now step on that scanner? That way I can run a full body check."

Loki cocks an eyebrow at him, "Huh, convenient little thing."

The trickster gets up and steps over to the platform.

"Hold up your arms parallel to the ground and hold it for a few seconds," Bruce tells him. Loki does so and the doctor runs the scan.

"Okay, you may sit back down," Bruce tells him. Loki does so as Bruce reads over the results he just received from the scan.

"So?" Loki asks, faking curiosity. "Is there a missile hidden within me?"

"Nothing out of the ordinary... other than that your physiology is nothing out of the ordinary. I mean... hormone levels are... I don't even know some of those... _wow,_ okay... I will have to work through that. But you carry no disease or anything else that might be a threat to us or humankind," Bruce grimaces. At some point he can't deny that he is looking forward to analyze those findings. He never saw something like that before.

"Perfect," Loki smiles.

"I may have to ask you a few questions about your physiology once I have looked it through, so that I know what to expect," Bruce tells him, to which Loki nods, "Of course, Doctor Banner."

"Then we should head back," Bruce says, moving up his glasses nervously.

"Very well. I suppose I am to go ahead, so that I don't just grab something to attack you with once you turn your back on me, now that we are alone," Loki suggests, much to Bruce's surprise, though he doesn't let it show and simply says, "Yes."

Loki nods before walking ahead. They make their way back to the others.

"All clear, guys. No missiles or anything close to it," Bruce declares, to which Clint only snorts, "Then get him locked up in that room and leave him there."

Natasha sighs, "Clint, we know that you don't approve, but now you could at least calm down about it."

"Whatever," he snarls before he heads off.

"Well, I suppose I am to follow Master Barton's command and shall leave to my room. Will someone show me there? I think yes?" Loki smirks.

"Yeah, c'mon, this way," Tony shrugs. He and Loki make their way to one of the rooms.

"Well, I actually thought the team would try to kill you more than they did last time," Tony says in a casual voice.

"I was surprised as well," Loki flashes a faint smirk.

"Yeah?" Tony blinks at him.

"Well, I actually expected far, far worse," Loki shrugs.

"I think it was actually smart of you to help us out before, without doing the diva on us," Tony smirks.

"Apparently even I am capable of learning such things... to a certain degree," Loki sighs. Not that anyone sees it, or ever saw it. After all, we all just play a certain role, and it seems that it's often the mischievous raven that gets the short end of the stick.

"But it's as Fury said: if you are actually serious about this... it'll be a long, _long_ way," Tony tells him.

"For I am still cursed with immortality to the degree that I do not die of old age... I have long, long time to spare," Loki replies, which forces Tony to smile, "Yeah, other than Thor... and perhaps the Captain... you'll outlive us all. That's for sure." Yet, he suddenly frowns, "... but wait, whatcha mean with _cursed_? I mean, who doesn't want to live like... _forever_?"

"When you have lived for so and so many years... eons... saw time getting ahead of itself... life becomes a tiring business, Master Stark," Loki exhales. Really, mortality is such a bliss, at least that is what Loki thinks. At some point he honestly wished he shared the luck those humans call their personal curse.

"Well," Tony grimaces. "If you hate it that much, then... why don't you just kill yourself? I don't mean that you should... that would not be right to say, but you know..."

"I tried," Loki tells him directly, which makes Tony turn to the NOrse God with exasperation, "Seriously?"

Loki - trying to kill himself? That just seems even more out of space than is this guy.

"Numerous times," Loki nods, not even making a face just once.

"Huh," Tony puckers his lips, "And here I thought that ruling the world was that much more important to you."

"It was for a time... but it wasn't before... and after that again...," Loki sighs almost dreamily. "I did not choose to be banished to Midgard, you must know. Thor's father was the one to put that on me. Maybe I should have begged him to end my life, but then again... I am still too proud for such action."

"Never took you for suicidal... other than your raging on earth giving a damn on what future may hold... but that I'd rather call... _reckless_ , more or less, and a bit mad, big bit mad, but not suicidal," Tony knits his eyebrows at the trickster, to which Loki smiles at him with a mixture of resignation and sarcasm, "One of the few talents no one was actually able to take from me yet is that... I stay rather unpredictable. I'm not all what I seem to be, as people like to say."

"Yeah... you're one bundle of surprises," Tony grimaces. "Alright, that's your room."

They enter. Tony gesticulates, "Bathroom's over there... well, I guess you are familiar with a concept of room – or do I have to give you the talk?"

"I will manage, thank you," Loki huffs.

"The kitchen is on the level above, if you need to eat something... and you don't have to ask for permission on that. I'd find that just too annoying," Tony rolls his eyes.

"I very much appreciate that. It makes me feel less like an animal pushing the food button," Loki huffs. Really, what became of him when this is actually considered luxury?

Tony can't stifle a grimace at that. Even if he was the one who proposed this along with Bruce and Fury... it's still odd to treat someone like that, isn't it? Even if this is Loki... he just told him that he may eat, well... if that is supposed to be a kind of privilege, even Tony has to admit that it is no real good one.

Tony shakes his head to forget about his thoughts, "The lounge is on the upper level, you may hang around there also... we'll have to see about the gym – I don't know what you do with a bunch of weights, we get each other?"

"I do not feel a strong urge for that anyways," Loki shrugs. Stands to reason, Tony thinks. Thor dropped before that Loki is more of the... bookworm. Thor likes working out, but neither one actually needs to. They can tear down a building with bare hands if they want to. So yeah, Norse Gods don't have much from a gym.

"Okay, uhm, other than that... that's all from my perspective...," Tony shrugs, to which Loki nods at him with appreciation, "Then I shall thank you for being so considerate to let me stay here – and for showing me around, Master Stark."

"Alright, _weird_... welcome, I guess," Tony blinks at him. "I'm off."

With that he leaves the room, staring to himself as he does. Is this guy Loki, really?

"Okay, Loki's in his room now, still can't believe I said that...," Tony mutters. "No, I can't believe this is happening, still."

"... well, what a day...," Steve sighs.

"... even if this is confusing and weird for many parts... I think we have to see that... he did help us, big time. We wouldn't have managed without him, that's for sure," Bruce argues. Thor suddenly walks off, in direction to Loki's room.

"Oh-oh... this might get hairy now... it always gets hairy when those two share a moment," Tony makes a face.

"And we would do better to mind our own business. Unless they go havoc, let them argue all they want. I'm too tired to care," Natasha exhales.

Meanwhile, Thor made his way into Loki's room. Loki is sitting on the bed.

"So now," Thor turns to him angrily. "You will explain to me what by the Gods you are thinking!"

"I told your dear friends already," Loki tells him calmly.

"Why did you show up again, like _this_?" Thor snarls, to which Loki hisses, "Because you would have beaten me to pulp before I could have even taken the chance to accomplish my goals of bringing down this enemy. I saw the necessity, so I acted upon it."

"Why not earlier, or later? Why this show?" Thor demands.

"I did not know about this all too much. My resources are very limited, or else I wouldn't be in this ridiculous a situation. I don't have the materials the Avengers have to find certain villains. I did this the very old-fashioned way – and when I heard that there was this attack, I just took my chance. That had nothing to do with the fact that it was you standing there. If it had been some other team of heroes, I would have gone with them also," Loki snarls. Thor should know after all. They tossed the trickster into this realm with nothing, like garbage.

Thor steps closer threateningly, "Brother, I assure you, if this is a trick once again, then I will..."

"What? Kill me? Then perhaps I would actually do better at doing just what you just threatened me not to do," Loki snorts, which makes Thor frown at him, "What?"

"You really think I wish for this life?" Loki hisses. "I assure you, I don't. I would rather live the life of an ant than this here."

"Then why are you fighting for your life that much?" Thor questions, to which Loki sighs, "It's not in my nature to give up."

"Is it?" Thor huffs.

"I just can't bring myself to it," Loki snorts ironically.

"... I didn't come around to notice that you possess a great deal of power once again," Thor says after a longer pause.

"What do you mean to imply?" Loki rolls his eyes at the thunderer.

"Your magical power should be on a lower level, as far as I'm concerned," Thor grimaces.

"Are you complimenting me?" Loki snickers.

"Don't even go there," Thor sneers at him.

"The Allfather cannot keep me from learning, Thor. Even you should be able to see that," Loki retorts. Thor knew that, of course. After all, that is what he told the Avengers, but it bothers the God of Thunder that his brother, even with his powers taken from him by the Allfather himself, still manages to move around that and actually regain some of his power. There was no doubt that Loki would use his knowledge, for it can't be taken from him, but it always comes as a surprise to see just how much he can make of it, even in a realm where the Aesir thought he would have too limited resources to get even remotely as far as he already did up to this point.

"So... in those months past you gathered new magic?" Thor says. Loki leans forward, his features grim, "Seemingly so. You see, the thing about magic is that there are many sources, many ways. It is the most flexible thing in all realms, I believe. It might be that the Allfather can block what he figures I use for magic, but I can fetch my potential just another way. It takes a bit of training, of course, to get used to this, but the knowledge was not taken from me. So yes, I am more powerful than the Allfather thought he would leave me. And no, I did not do this to seize power, but just because of the selfish feeling of not wanting to be stranded on the planet with only a pint of my powers. You know me, feeling helpless is something I utmost detest."

"You? Feeling helpless? Don't make me laugh," Thor huffs.

"At least you are having a good time," Loki snorts. Thor can detect a pang of hurt in the other God's voice, but ignores it. Not that this comes as a surprise to Loki. He never expects sympathy from anyone, and he expects it the least from the God of Thunder. Yet, he would like to punch this man in blind rage only once. He laughs at his pains, that is the way it was and will always be. He was helpless, thrown into a realm without his powers, naked, alone. It was a hard struggle, an impossible fight, and still he left the arena with at least a truce. And that is what Thor won't take from him, won't ever.

"Trust me, I don't," Thor snarls.

"Yeah?" Loki huffs sarcastically. "Ah, now I know, because you are mad that I bumped back into your life. Must be really bad for you, hm?"

"If you want me to pity you, then forget about it, Loki," Thor threatens.

There we go, Loki silently thinks to himself.

"I would rather _die_ than allow you to pity me, Thor. If I had wanted that, I would have entered this battle without the hood over my face, don't you think?" Loki narrows his emerald eyes at the thunderer. And Thor, deep down, knows that the trickster is telling the truth in that regard, but still, "I still can't shake off the feeling that you just do this for yet another scheme of yours."

"And whatever I might say to reassure you and claim the opposite would only intensify this feeling of yours, for which I find it proper to refrain to silence," Loki replies coolly.

"Well, your actions will have to speak for you, then," Thor sighs.

"So I got told," Loki shrugs.

Thor steps closer another time, "And I tell you so right now: Those people are my friends. If you dare hurt them, Loki, then..."

"I know, I know, then woe betide me," Loki smirks. Really, those speeches are growing old and grey over time. The trickster has heard this song too often to bother to care.

"And if you think that this will buy you my trust again, then...," Thor snarls, but this time Loki interrupts, "I know I won't. And I won't even try. Whether or not you trust me, Thor, I do not care. I live here on this planet, most likely for the rest of my days, or the days of this planet. As far as I heard environmental pollution is believed to destroy this realm soon already, so I might get lucky to go down with it. Either way, I don't have any hope that you will trust me ever again, and I have no interest in it either. I always asked myself why on earth you ever did."

"I ask that myself also," Thor snorts, to which Loki replies sarcastically, "Then we are, for once, on the same page, no?"

"I have an eye on you. If you dare to...," Thor goes on with his threats, but Loki intervenes with nonchalance as he leans back, "Thor, you are repeating yourself."

"I just mean to make myself clear," Thor grunts.

"And so you did. I feel scared out of my mind," Loki replies, gesticulating sluggishly.

"Don't mock me. You have no right," Thor snarls.

" _No right_? You will hardly keep me from that. I do this practically by nature, as you might recall," Loki huffs, to which Thor raises his voice again, "You are walking on thin ice, Loki. You are no longer in charge of anything. You are here because Master Fury is that generous, but do not believe that this means that you have any power over this team or me. You should know your place."

"I know my place quite well, Thor," Loki exhales.

"Do you? The past has proven that you don't," Thor sneers.

"I long since accepted that I am the scum of this universe. A would-be Aesir who is actually of Jotun blood who held ties with the Chitauri to take over Midgard, but failed... Truly, there is hardly any creature below me," Loki sighs, which makes Thor grimace, "You actually see that?"

And that is actually something Thor never expected to hear from Loki, not in all world's time. That man has taken it upon himself to put all his faith into himself, trust no one but himself. That Loki suddenly regards himself that low... yes, that comes as a surprise.

"What do you think is the reason for my _outburst_? I knew my place all along – it is just that I did not accept it," Loki shrugs.

"And now you do?" Thor questions skeptically, to which Loki replies gloomily, "If not, be sure I wouldn't be here. This act of humiliation is enough to send me even one caste lower on the scale of no return. How deep can I sink, you tell me? Making foolish deals compromising my freedoms only to gain a chance to risk my life for the planet I hate second best? It is funny how misfortune now seemingly comes back at me. I was its master for a while, but now I'm merely its slave also."

"We all get what we deserve," Thor exhales, which forces the trickster to smirk at him briefly, "And some of us sooner than later. I see that."

That is the fine thing about justice, Loki thinks. Or rather... to those who claim to be its voice. They say that others get what they deserve, just like the hangmen back in the old days. And still, weren't those hands covered in blood also? So who is judge, really? And who culprit? And how do all get what they deserve if... by the end of the day, the deed they pay and the price they get remains death?

"Perhaps you use your second chance for once, and not throw it all away," Thor snorts.

"I don't believe in second chances, you should know that," Loki argues curtly.

"Then what do you believe in?" Thor asks, with a hint of curiosity.

"Doom," Loki tells him darkly.

Thor ignores the implications maybe in that statement and simply goes on, "... either way, you better come up with a good disguise, so that the others are not endangered in any way."

"Yes, Mylord. Always at your service, Mylord," Loki says in a mocking way.

"Just don't mess this us," Thor threatens him. The thunderer walks over to the door slowly, expecting another snotty remark from the God of Mischief, but much to his surprise, his brother is actually asleep on he was truthful in this one regard at least:

He was tired after the battle.


	4. Master of the Masks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki goes missing. 
> 
> Tony gets to know a young woman, and naturally starts to flirt a bit. 
> 
> Thor comes in. 
> 
> Oh well...

_What is a good disguise? Obviously, one you do not recognize as such. The Master of the Masks is the person who manages to perfectly merge in, to be just the way everyone else is, not to draw attention to himself, but stay out of it, leave the spotlight to the others. Yet, someone who actually takes pleasure in this game will hardly stick to that. Why? Again, quite obviously: where would be the fun? To disguise is playing a game. It is not just about not being caught, it's about being on the verge of being uncovered, but sneaking away from the offenders grasp last second before he or she can tear down the mask and show one's true face, one's true colors. The one who disguises is the one who seeks control over his or her own self, to change identity, become whoever he or she wishes to be. The bliss of this game lies in both its thrill and its opportunity to break out of one's shell, change color, change truth. The one who dares to disguise, of course, risks losing himself in this blissful state. Therefore, it is a dangerous game, and... thinking about it... so stupid. If you play, you play to lose, or at least you play in that direction to keep the thrill, because that is the only way your heart starts beating out of your chest, you feel the hairs in your neck standing up, feel this floating sensation of being caught in the moment and no longer caught in the barriers of your own skin. So, the person who plays can never be the Master of the Masks... but up until now... there was no one who managed, because the game is just too much fun._

* * *

The next day, Tony, Clint, Steve, and Thor are berating on the latest developments in the lounge.

"... question is how good Loki's disguise is," Steve grimaces, to which Tony shrugs, "Hm, last time I remember he was fairly decent at that."

"That I don't question," Steve argues. "I ask myself if he will keep it up like that. You know that he likes to fool around with us. He might do that only just to piss us off."

"Right. He likes those kinda games," Clint snorts.

"Well, then we don't come around giving him the talk once again," Tony bites the inside of his cheek.

"By the way, has anyone seen him yet?" Clint frowns, glancing around.

"Uhm, I didn't," Tony replies. Steve shakes his head.

"Me neither," Thor joins the chorus.

"JARVIS, call Loki here. We need to talk to him," Tony says, to which the computer replies, "Sir, Mr. Loki is not in the building."

"What?! Why didn't you send an alarm?!" Tony cries out in exasperation.

"I have no answer to that," Jarvis replies. And that is when Tony knows, "That guy messed with my stuff! Bastard! Okay, shut down the entire building, we are searching this guy. Scan the entire area. I want everything, even which cabs left to where."

"Work is in progress," Jarvis tells him.

"I knew he'd pull a trick on us again!" Clint snarls. It was foolish to trust this guy, absolutely ridiculous.

"We can worry about that later. Right now we just have to find him," Steve argues.

"But how did he get outside? Jarvis runs a scan on every person exiting the building. We would have had a silent alarm if he took a chance," Tony grimaces.

"As you said, he messed with your system," Clint tells him.

"But how?!" Tony cries out. No one messes with his stuff - and no one really managed... until now.

"We will worry about the how after we have the know how to get him back," Steve assures him.

"Okay, I'll run the checks," Tony nods.

"The rest of us should look around the building. Natasha and the others are already outside," Clint tells them. The Avengers spread out. Tony makes his way over to the ops room to work on his computers. He is perfectly absorbed into his work as suddenly the door opens. He turns his head, expecting one of his mates to come in, but instead one of SHIELD, as the uniform tells him, comes into view... or well.

"Hello there, gorgeous," Tony mutters to himself. That woman, even in uniform, looks absolutely stunning. She has very long softly curled raven hair, flowing with every of her moves. Her face is pale as porcelain and looks just as fragile. Her features are soft, but strong at the same time, high cheek bones and a long distinguished neck. Her lips are heart-shaped, not too big, but not thin either. Her nose is fine and straight, small and pointy. Her body is generally that of a top model, other than being a little short in height perhaps: strong shoulders, graceful arms, beautifully frail hands, breasts that look as though they were made by God even in the uniform, her waist is just like an hourglass, thin, but still womanly, her buttocks looks from the front already just right, and must be even more a sight when seen from behind, and legs, God, those legs seem endless. They only end with tiny feet in high heeled boots. Tony has to try very hard not to stare at her with open mouth... even if he catches himself gaping. He clicks his jaw together with a snap before he puts on his signature flirtatious smirk.

"Hi. What can I do for you?" Tony asks her, to which she replies sweetly, "Uhm, I was ordered here. Sorry, I'm still new, fresh from the academy, kinda. Everyone just got really upset and... I'm a little confused because I am not that familiar with the building yet."

"So you are none of the badass super agents of the SHIELD?" Tony snickers.

"Not really. Analyst division. I'm more of the... geek," the girl smirks at him.

"And here I thought that geeks were the ones with bracelets and glasses," Tony jokes, to which she tilts her head playfully, "Tells me the billionaire, philanthropist, and playboy who invents an arc reactor in a cave in Afghanistan?"

"Good point," Tony laughs. "So you are supposed to help me?"

"I am supposed to gather information and then report to my boss," the young woman shrugs.

"So update it is?" Tony summarizes, to which she nods, "Yeah."

"Alright, come over here, pretty girl," Tony smirks.

"Pardon?" she makes a face, but Tony grins self-consciously, "Oh, c'mon, you are gorgeous, so I think I can say that without stepping on your tiny toes."

"Mr. Stark, you are flattering me," she replies with an air of sarcasm.

"It is truth, and you can say about me what you want: I always say what I think," Tony argues.

"You have that certain kind of reputation," she shrugs at him.

"Do I?" Tony asks playfully.

"Yeah, kinda...," she nods with a smirk tugging at her lips.

"What else does that involve?" Tony questions her curiously.

"Oh, I don't think we should talk about this," she shakes her head with a grimace.

"Why not?" Tony blinks at her, to which she replies, "Because I already said too much, Mr. Stark."

"Call me Tony," he smiles at her. She tilts her head in his direction, "Is this a secret code for something?"

"Just not to be all so formal, you know, get loose, have fun," Tony smirks.

"... and all fun breaks loose once one is allowed to call you by your first name?" she retorts drily.

"Nah, that's just the usual ice breaker," Tony smiles.

"I wasn't aware there was ice between us," she frowns playfully.

"Didn't think so either," Tony winks at her.

"Then what do you need the ice breaker for?" she asks.

"To get you to party with me," he smirks.

"When we should be working and someone who might be a threat to the world is on the loose," the girl suggests.

"That's a way to train your Zen, even when crisis strikes you still have the nerves to party," Tony tells her.

" _Zen_ , really? Now the next thing you are going to say is that Iron Man practices Yoga," she cocks an eyebrow at him.

"Totally," Tony gesticulates wildly to underline his point.

"Yeah?" she asks, obviously not buying it.

"Absolutely," Tony smirks. "I'm the total expert. I have like... the black belt."

" _Right_ ," the girl rolls her eyes at him.

"Hey, I'm totally serious. I can do them all. The whole... breathe bad energy in or out, whatever. You know what I mean," Tony argues with mock-vehemence.

"Seriously?" she challenges him.

"Hey, you show me yours, I show you mine. If you don't trust me, you have to gimme a reason. I mean, who tells me that you know about this?" Tony retorts playfully. The woman suddenly steps back and performs a very difficult Yoga figure where you really have to balance and strength – and damn does she have legs... and the buttocks. Goodness sake! Tony instantly tries to focus on some algorithm and then on Pepper... okay, we are good.

"Black belt can surely copy that," she smirks, which makes Tony giggle, "Okay, fine, you caught me. I'm more for the... Kamasutra department. But on that one I rock!"

"Wow... okay, weird... Mr. Stark," the woman makes a disgusted face.

"Tony," he argues.

"Wow... okay, weird... _Tony,_ " she repeats flatly.

"Why?" Tony questions.

"You know, there is gossip, and that's put on TV... and those shows always update you on who's free and who's not... and you seemingly belong to the latter species," she shrugs.

"Oh, that is my way of making conversation. I talk that way with everyone," Tony explains.

"So like... Tourette, is it? You just have to flirt while talking?" the girl grimaces.

"Love is my drug, as I like to say," Tony smiles at her smugly.

"So that is just the way you talk to... the other Avengers, like... Captain America... Doctor Banner?" she argues.

"Oh, yeah, I slap their booties also, you know, that's what friends do," Tony smirks.

"If you do that with me, it's called sexual harassment, as far as I'm concerned," she shrugs.

"But I only do that with my best buddies, so... don't feel afraid," Tony assures her.

"Huh... well, I think I let myself get carried away far too far already... I should be gone by now anyways. You know, my boss will rip me to shreds," she makes a face.

"If so, he or she'll be mad already anyways. Then a few more minutes won't do harm. Plus, I can cover up for you. I kept you from it," Tony smirks, to which she cocks an eyebrow at him, "You would testify for me?"

"For a girl like you, sure as hell," Tony grins.

"Oh, now I _do_ feel flattered," she replies with a hint of sarcasm.

"Really?" Tony smirks.

"If the Iron Man is there to protect you against your boss, then yeah, that does impress a woman. Or man," she shrugs.

"I'm a lady's man," Tony snickers.

"So I got told," the girl rolls her eyes.

"By whom?" Tony asks curiously. She turns to him sarcastically, "There is this thing called internet."

Tony laughs out loud at that, visibly impressed with her presence. She is sweet, but she has a temper, that's for sure. Even if she tries to play it down, she does so to make it seem like it is a game: what is truth, what is not, what is sarcasm, where lies the truth? It creates a mystery wafting around her like a fine mist. You think you know her, but only just a bit, enough to feel comfortable, but too little to lose interest. At the same time, she has an opinion, and she has that much guts to speak up to Tony Stark like that without the slightest bit of nervousness – that really speaks for her.

"Well, how about you... update me? Then we can at least truthfully say that we did something useful?" she suggests, and Tony agrees, "True, okay... so... hm, professional talk it is: I ran a basic grid investigation on the closer periphery. Turned out empty. At the same time we are looking at general madness and destruction, which could be suspected... but nothing yet... there will be alarm once something happens in the world entirely, hope that will be enough."

"It should be," she shrugs.

"Well, we are looking for special energy signatures, problem is that our friend likes to disguise. Dunno if he will not alter it in some way so we can't detect it," Tony tells her. The girl glances at the screens, "I see... did you try the same on the building also?"

"Yep, but JARVIS didn't find him," Tony nods.

"And you can't check if he hides in here?" the woman frowns at him.

"I don't know what I'm looking for. You come to have the answer?" Tony grimaces.

"Well, when was he last seen?" she asks him, so Tony turns to Jarvis again, "Wait... JARVIS, check the video surveillance and run a facial scan. Tell me when Loki was last seen and show me the footage of the time."

After a few seconds the material is put on display. Loki walks through the hallway to his room, smirking as viciously as he always does. He then enters his room.

"That is the last record, Mr. Stark," Jarvis tells him.

"So he didn't leave the room?" Tony grimaces.

"We have no record of that," Jarvis confirms.

"And are there any signs in the room of him breaking out?" the girl asks. Tony takes his chance of flirting a little, leaning over her back to get to the other part of the screen, testing the waters, for the fun of it. He is happily in love with Pepper, but he was truthful when he said that this is just his way of communicating. Others drink or bet, he flirts. It's his game. And Tony wants to see if he can actually get her uncomfortable – because that is the greatest fun: to break the icy shell of a girl who teases him.

"Does that look like it?" Tony plays it cool, but the young woman is calmly fixing on the screen, unimpressed, "Windows are in place. Nothing seems broken... and from this here I take there are no special energy signatures... so... I would say no."

Tony actually thought she would try to steal away from him leaning close. Most women do at first – out of embarrassment or surprise, but this girl confidently stands her ground, her breath not even hitching for just a second. No, she even teasingly bucks her hips back so that Tony is the one drawing away. She is seemingly fully aware of the rule 'flirt but don't touch' which is true for him and Pepper. The girl either is really much into him and tries to test the waters herself, or she is just too proud to give him the satisfaction, both things making Tony want to discover more. She really understands this whole mysterious-woman-theme, and how to work it.

"You might be of help, actually. So now you are on my team," Tony smirks at her, and she grins back, "Oh, am I? Shouldn't I talk to my boss before I switch to the Stark Department?"

She turns her head, causing her hair to fall over her shoulders even more beautifully, flashing a cute little smile with a hint of a wink in the eye as she pulls one of the strands loosely behind her ear.

"We are the Avengers. Doesn't matter whom you report to," Tony shrugs.

"Oh, then SHIELD told me the opposite just for the fun of it?" she snorts.

"You know, I think that rules are meant to be broken, or at least bended here and there," Tony winks at her.

"You mean to imply that I should follow your example?" the young woman grins. She even moves in closer – now making Tony a bit uncomfortable for just a second. He didn't expect her to approach him like that. But he wouldn't ever let her win, so he eases to the closer periphery now, smirking back at her.

"I think everyone would do good at breaking a few rules than praying to them," Tony replies.

"Aha," she huffs sarcastically. Both snicker at that, but then suddenly the door opens and a very angry-looking thunderer enters. His eyes fall on Tony, then on the woman, go back another time – and if possible, he only looks angrier than he did anyways.

"What are you doing, Man of Iron!?" Thor yells.

"Big Guy, what's the deal!?" Tony yelps in shock at the sudden outburst.

"And you! Away from him, now!" Thor threatens the young woman beside Tony, who waves his arms in the air, "Thor, it's okay, she..."

"You really wish to woo my brother?" Thor asks him, his voice loud and strong.

"What?!" Tony blinks at the thunderer in pure confusion.

"That," Thor points at the woman, "is Loki."

Tony turns to face her. The girl waves at him with a huge smile on her face – and yes, it is the Loki smile, just on a woman's face.

Well... darn.


	5. Meet Lorelei

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki takes great pleasure in everyone's distress. 
> 
> Tony feels traumatized. 
> 
> Natasha has to translate. 
> 
> Thor lets Loki know that he is not pleased - and Loki lets him know that she doesn't have to care. 
> 
> Fury has to settle the dispute.

Tony can't tear his eyes off of the woman standing in front of him. It's just as though, all of a sudden, the spotlight came on her and now everything seems so darn obvious that Iron Man would like to slap himself across the face. A pretty raven, funny, cunning, feisty, smart... and that damn smirk. How could he not catch that?! And _oh God_!

"You are... but you are... I mean... what?" Tony stammers with wide eyes. Loki can't help but chuckle at Tony's growing exasperation. Of course she knew that this would be the most probable reaction, yet... reality can be such a sweet little thing, by being such a mean little thing.

"Loki, now stop this foolery!" Thor growls.

"I was asked to," Loki snarls at him.

"What? No! You were not!" Thor shakes his head. No, definitely no one asked her to trick them like that and then to try to get close to Tony by dallying. That was not part of the plan!

"If I recall rightly, and my memory rarely fails me, I was asked to come up with a disguise to make sure no one discovers my true identity as the one who almost destroyed this very planet. Well, I think I have proven that _this_ disguise should suffice, for I was able to fool not only the computers, but also Master Stark," Loki argues with a smile tugging at her lips, to which Thor growls, "Do not test me!"

"For once, Thor, not everything is revolving around you. I need a disguise, and this one doesn't cost me all too much energy, which will serve me right for when I have to fetch my magic. So now, if you'd excuse me," Loki sneers with a sudden flash of anger washing over her features. She gets up from the stool and walks past the thunderer and the billionaire, leaving them staring.

Tony, his hands wandering up and down his body in nervousness, mutters, "That is... Loki..."

"Yes," Thor sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"And he is...," Tony stammers.

"Now a woman," Thor nods.

"Okay, uhm... I'm... I need a drink. Or five hundred. And something to cause partial amnesia. Or both...," Tony brings out, his voice almost an octave higher than usual towards the end.

"We have to talk to the others. This situation has to be resolved, now," Thor growls.

"JARVIS, do it... I'm getting a drink, right now," Tony says with a quivering voice. Iron Man quickly makes his way to his secret storage and grabs a bottle of Whiskey. Tony clings to his bottle as though it was a baby and waits for the others to come to the assembly.

"What is the deal now, Stark? I got better to do than to...," Natasha means to pout, but Tony blurts out, "We have a problem."

"I thought you found the bastard," Clint makes a face.

"Apparently did," Tony brings out, almost gagging on the words... and the drink.

"So? What's the deal?" Bruce frowns. If they found him, then where is the problem?

Tony takes another _big_ sip of the Whiskey before he carries on, "Loki.. found a disguise..."

"Well, that's what we asked him for," Natasha grimaces with confusion in her features. Tony almost gags on his drink, "Not the way we'd pictured."

"What now? Is he dressed like the Joker or Shrek or what is the matter here?" Natasha shakes her head.

"Wish it were just that...," Tony sighs.

"Either one of you spill right now, or I'm out that door," Clint snarls, fed up with the situation, but that is when suddenly someone else enters the room: Loki.

"Who are you?" Steve stammers at the sight of the young woman, who smirks at him mischievously, "Oh, Captain, you hurt me. You don't come to recognize me? Hm?"

"You...," Steve gapes, eyes widening, and Thor completes, "That's Loki, yes."

"What?! No way!" Steve brings out, unable to believe this. That can't be... can it?

"Captain, you are aware that I am a shapeshifter. Is it that outrageous really that I change into the shape of a woman?" Loki frowns, to which Tony cries out, "Yes?!"

Loki rolls her eyes, "Get over it, Stark. You are just getting into your pants because you tried to hit on me."

"What?!" Bruce gapes at Tony.

"You did not, did you? I thought even you couldn't sink that low," Natasha curses at Tony, before she holds up her hand to Loki. "No offense, Loki, really, that's not directed at you."

Loki shrugs, seemingly unaffected, way too pleased at Tony's discomfort... or that of everyone in general. Yes, this will be so much fun.

"I didn't know she was... him... goodness sake... my therapist will _love_ that...," Tony shakes his head.

"Drama Queen," Natasha mutters under her breath, but that is when Loki speaks up to all of them, "Well, it is quite _lovely_ of you all to have assembled here to decide whether I may change into the shape I have now, but I found it proper that I should be present for this assembly. I would at least like to know the face I am supposed to wear now here on earth."

"Not this one, that's for sure," Thor grumbles.

"By the Gods, Thor, get over it already. It wasn't me who started on...," Loki snarls, but Thor interrupts her loudly, "You will shut up or I will..."

"What? You really want to hit a woman? Oh, Thor, what manners?" she taunts him.

"I will hit you and you know it!" Thor threatens, but she replies playfully, "Brute."

Natasha holds her hands up, "Sorry, I intervene right here. No one's hitting anyone else here. Let's rather return to the topic on hand, in all calm the way adults would: Loki, why did you choose this form, just so that we all understand?"

"It is the easiest for me," Loki shrugs simply.

"Why is that?" Natasha asks her, so Loki goes on, "Because it is a face I'm used to. I was _Lorelei_ for a while, you know? And since I have her mannerisms down as well as her features, I have no trouble maintaining that form. My magic is not affected by this."

"But it would if you chose some other... foreign form?" Natasha grimaces, and Loki nods, "In fact, yes. I would have to put a lot effort into it... and I think I do not have to unless it's really needed. I never appeared as Lorelei on Midgard, so no one will recognize me as the God of Mischief who caused such in this realm a while ago. I do not see the problem here."

"The problem is that you're a girl!" Tony cries out... for crying out loud!

"Hm?" Loki frowns at him, so Natasha scaffolds, carefully selecting her words, "... we are just... _surprised_... that you chose to be a woman... all of a sudden. I mean, you are a guy, and then..."

"Oh, uh... you humans are funnily attached to your sex, really. I almost forgot," Loki smirks viciously. "Brother! Why don't you enlighten them?"

"Why me?" Thor blinks at her, almost toppling over in surprise.

"Because you struggle with this. I don't... so it's either you who explains that to them... or they will never know," Loki challenges him playfully.

"You are sincere," Thor asks her another time.

"Yes. So? What's it gonna be?" Loki narrows her eyes at him. Thor contemplates for a second. He knows that Loki just does it to humiliate him, but he also knows his brother's stubbornness. If he doesn't feel like telling them, he won't, ever. The problem is... Thor would rather talk about anything but this, because, well... it's embarrassing.

Thor, with a flush creeping to his cheeks, begins, "... As you know, Loki is not of Aesir heritage. He comes from Jotunheimr. And Jotuns have... they have... you know... uhm... well..."

He struggles. Loki laughs to herself at his discomfort. She knows this is torture, but it serves him right. He should know why she chooses this form. That is the first fissure in their relationship after all, the one he tries to push so far into the back of his mind that he is likely forgetting it, but... Loki just takes too much pleasure in torturing him. It's the only thing she has left after all, right?

"Huh?" Tony blinks at them, still utterly confused.

"Well, you see, with Loki it's... it's different because he is not Aesir... I mean... that is... well...," Thor stammers helplessly. The others just frown at his gibberish. Loki rolls her eyes. Even if she enjoys torturing him, she has a short temper – and this is taking too long, way too long.

"We have different physiology, _ho,_ bad word, and gender classes, _gasp._ Jotuns do not have a specific sex they are bound to stick to, and thus no specific gender. The stages are rather fluid. One may act as male or female, but some don't. We have both traits – and that is why this very form is utmost natural to me: It's me in my female shape – and that is what upsets my dear brother that much," Loki explains casually, as though this was the most natural thing on Earth, though that seemingly stands to reason at some point, because... it is most natural to her, right?

"You are both?!" Steve gapes, to which Tony snorts, "I bet that crushes your world, Captain?"

"You are the one to talk. I still think you'll fall over now," Natasha shoots back. Tony means to say something, but then has to cough down a gag again.

"So you are... hermaphrodite?" Clint asks coolly.

"I think that is what you call it in your realm... but I actually have both these forms, not just the parts that determine the sex, which I think is true for your hermaphrodites. I can be a woman, or a man, or neither. And I can switch between them as I want. I have a choice," Loki approves calmly.

"And there goes my innocence...," Tony hums in a sing-song.

"You ever had that?" Clint snorts.

"I would laugh at that," Tony says, but then almost gags again. "If I found the power. I think I'm gonna be sick."

"So," Loki speaks up again, now almost icily. "Can I stay in that body, or do you actually forbid me that also? I mean, I get it that I can't walk around in my usual... _self_... let's call it, and I give you that... I'd just like to know how much I can actually be myself without breaking my part of the contract."

"Don't get cocky here," Clint snarls at her, but Loki replies with much more credibility than anyone would have thought, "It's an earnest question. And I'd like either one of you to answer it."

"God!" Clint exhales, throwing his hands in the air angrily.

"No, sorry, but for once, and I can't believe I'm saying this: I'm with Loki," Natasha says, to which all gape, "What?!"

"Hey, we asked him to come up with a disguise – and it's already JARVIS-and-Stark-proof. I think he did the job outright. We never told him what he is supposed to be – and we have no right to. If this form means he has no setbacks in his magic and makes sure he doesn't just snap back by accident, then only the better," Natasha argues.

"You're serious?" Clint blinks at her, to which she nods, "Yeah."

"I share her opinion," Bruce nods.

"What?!" Tony cries out, but Bruce goes on calmly, "Well, Loki will know best what affects his... _her_... magic or body. If she says that it is best for her to refrain to this part of herself, then who are we to tell her otherwise? I mean, you don't tell me to quit the Hulk either, though he is not all what we want at times. And really... if sex or gender were the problem, actually, I think Natasha would kill you all for being that sexist – and she'd manage."

She smirks back at him.

"I don't get a veto?" Tony whimpers.

"No!" all retort simultaneously.

"Just a question...," Tony mutters under his breath. Suddenly, Thor is next to Loki, grasping her arm rather roughly. She whips her head at him, her emerald eyes shining with anger.

"Loki, come with me, now!" Thor snarls at her, to which she replies sarcastically, "So gentle, aren't we, Thor? Always a true gentleman."

Thor pulls Loki into the next room, only inches away from Loki's face, before he pulls away roughly, looking disgusted.

"Why are you doing this?!" he demands.

"I told you the reasons just in there, you did not have to knock me around like a rag doll for that," Loki sneers, not feeling in the least intimidated by the thunderer. If he thinks that a female shape weakens Loki's mind, he is more than mistaken.

"You do this only to mock me," Thor argues angrily, but Loki retorts with venom in her voice, "Thor, there is thousands other ways to mock you, all of which are more effective. I do this because it serves the purpose – and because in contrast to other people, I do not mind that form... and I know that you once didn't either."

"Don't even go there!" Thor growls, looking like a wolf short before it strikes its enemy.

"Oh, so you don't remember, is it? That night by...," Loki hums playfully, but she doesn't get to finish, because Thor interrupts her harshly, "Loki, stop, right there! No word from you! You tricked me!"

"Of course. It is in my nature, Thor," Loki sneers.

Thor, a hand over his eyes, tries to contain his anger, "Can't you choose another form?"

"No, not without draining myself of my energy. And I don't want to either. This is me also, Thor. Face it," Loki hisses. With that the young woman walks back into the other room.

"So, has everyone calmed down now so that we can make a decision? I'm growing tired of this argument," she begins, but then catches sight of a visitor. "Oh, Master Fury. Now we are making it official, aren't we?"

"Agent Romanov informed me about the latest developments," Fury nods.

"So... Master Fury, what is it? Am I violating my contract with wearing this face or am I not?" Loki asks him self-consciously.

"We never made a decision about the matter. It is not in the contract whether you should take on a certain kind of form. It was demanded that it is one that doesn't draw attention to it or already exists here on earth," Fury confirms, to which Loki nods, "I can assure you both criteria are being met."

"Does a female body mean that you are weakened, on your physical capabilities?" Fury asks. Natasha growls in the background.

"I'm still me. No strength has left me. It's just this body shape. Nothing more," Loki smiles at him.

"And you are not lying to me?" Fury questions, but she assures him, "For once: you can rest assured. I already told you that I have any intention to stay on this planet, for it is my only refuge. I see the necessity to keep here – and this is my best chance of accomplishing just that. So... you have my word for it. This is no trick. All criteria you gave me: This body meets them."

"... then I see no violation of the contract," Fury declares.

"I thank you," Loki bows to him gracefully.

"You better not be lying to me," Fury threatens her.

"I remember the ant and the boot quite well, Master Fury," Loki smiles at him briefly.

Fury nods, "Okay, so now the fuss is over. You guys should get back to whatever you were doing, and start handling your shit yourself. I'm not here to play your referee all the time."

With that the man leaves the room. Loki beams utmost innocently before baring her teeth in a rather threatening way. She walks over to Natasha and Bruce and tells them quietly, "I thank you."

With that she leaves the room also, and by that... a very confused set of Avengers.

"Did Loki just...," Bruce stammers, still staring at the spot where Loki just stood.

"Think she did...," Natasha nods absently.

"And she...," Bruce grimaces.

"Think she did," she shrugs helplessly.

"Wow," Bruce blinks.

"Yup," Natasha nods.

The Avengers are slowly spreading back out again.

What a day?


	6. Song of Loneliness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Avengers have to assemble to defeat a bunch of evil aliens. 
> 
> Bruce and Loki stay behind in the lab. 
> 
> Bruce realizes a few things about the newest member of the team. 
> 
> Loki saves the day, but doesn't take the laurels for it. 
> 
> Bruce proposes something to her.

A few hours later, they all have to assemble in the lab, upon a call from Coulson. As Loki enters, now in a plain outfit, but still with the same appearance, all eyes are instantly on her. She smirks her trademark smile and takes a stance aside without a word, casually leaning against the wall, hugging her arms. She expected no less.

"Coulson just informed us about this here," Natasha says and nods at the screens. The display shows a bunch of Gremlin-like creatures.

"Eww, I bet those are slimy," Tony makes a face.

"They are not from here," Thor shakes his head.

"Who could've guessed?" Tony rolls his eyes.

"Thor, you know these?" Steve asks the thunderer, who shakes his head, "No, I never crossed with such creatures. Whatever realm they stem from, I do not know it."

"Awesome, more aliens," Tony snorts.

"As far as SHIELD could gather, they found a way here because of some funny portal open for their use. They already terrorized a whole city – and they work on expanding their territory, fast," Clint tells them.

"How many are we talking about?" Steve asks and Natasha replies with a grimace, "One hundred, until now."

"Until now?" Steve frowns.

"New ones continue coming through the portal," she shrugs. "So our task is to stop those Gremlin-things and then shove what is still alive back through the portal to close it again."

"Do we have anything on those monsters and what their weaknesses might be?" Tony asks.

"So far no bombs or explosives worked on them. When shotguns were fired at them... _nothing_... this is gonna be so much fun," she puckers her lips.

"We are leaving immediately," Clint tells them. "Banner? Would you stay here to look for a way to break through the portal?"

"Sure," Bruce nods.

Clint glances at Loki and snarls, "And you, don't do anything stupid while we are gone."

Loki says nothing, just remains in her spot as the others leave the room. Soon one can hear the helicopters leaving, still, Loki remains in her spot, not moving by just an inch.

"... you may also sit down somewhere. You don't have to stay in the corner," Bruce tells her. That being said, Loki moves up to one of the chairs to settle down on, far away enough not to make Bruce feel uncomfortable, but not too far away to give him the feeling that she is afraid. She really knows the fine line, the doctor has to admit.

"I didn't think you'd actually be that... obedient?" Bruce asks, eyes fixed on the screens. She glances at him, squinting her thickly eye-lashed eyes together. She really is a beauty.

"Well, before you gave more of the impression that no one gets to tell you anything, yet...," Bruce shrugs, and Loki replies calmly, "I know my place."

"Yeah?" Bruce blinks at her. That seems hardly possible for someone like Loki.

"I'm the ant under the boot. I have no trouble with that, though. It does not burden me," Loki sighs.

"It doesn't? It would bother me to consider myself that," Bruce makes a face, but she only gives it a shrug, "Given what I have done... it really doesn't bother me, and it would be folly to be adamant about my status being any higher."

"Alright...," the doctor grimaces. Bruce goes on with his work and tries to ignore the woman beside him. He wants to hate this woman. A part of him really wants to, after what Loki almost brought him to with his tricks when they first got to know each other. It may have been brief, but it was enough for Bruce to decide that this person could never become his friend. Yet, here he sits and feels not in the least uncomfortable about her presence. The only discomfort he feels stems from the lack of it. Bruce tries to find something that annoys him about her. But she does not stomp her foot or makes weird noises, she doesn't wander around, watches over his shoulder... she just sits there silently and watches the screens, her eyes soft, not staring, not demanding information, just taking in. She doesn't look, she sees. There is nothing he could figure now that would be... _bad_.

The doctor shakes his head as he tries to regain focus on the task ahead. Yet, after a longer while of research and typing, he has to painfully realize that somehow things seem to be standing still. He turns in his chair and mutters under his breath, "Darn."

He feels Loki's eyes on him. This time he turns to face her. She actually bows her head, though.

"What is it?" he demands, harsher than he wanted to.

"I apologize, I was just... curious," Loki says, almost sheepishly.

"About what?" Bruce blinks at her.

"May I ask what is causing your distress exactly? I take that there are setbacks, yet the nature of them remains unclear to me," Loki asks him. Bruce doesn't see anything else to do now anyway, so he might as well tell her, "This portal is working on a level I do not come to know. I don't see how I would shut it down. Electricity won't work. Water won't work. We cannot overload the system, we can't alter the route. We can't send in a new frequency or overcome the output. We can't create a short circuit. This path is designed to stay open, as it seems. Whatever path I take... it leads me to this point again: there is nothing we can do to shut this down."

"The Firin have this certain habit to set things like this, as far as I recall...," she puckers her lips mindfully.

" _Firin_? You mean you know these guys?" Bruce gapes, but Loki shakes her head, "Not really. I just read about this race in an old story book, a child's book. If so I would have informed you, Doctor. It's just that the words came back to my mind: ' _For when they opened a gate, they never meant to close it_.' I simply remembered, so... this might be the Firin."

" _Might_?" Bruce grimaces.

"I never crossed lines with them, just like Thor. The thing about the Firin is that no one knows them, at least in Asgard. They were those shapeless creatures children were afraid of at night, looming in the darkness. For a long time I believed they were no more than a story," Loki frowns at the screens. Truly, she never thought that other creatures of her child's book could creep out to haunt the people, just like the Jotun did... thanks to her, but that doesn't matter anymore.

"So you don't come to know how I would shut that portal down, or... did it say in the story books?" Bruce makes a face.

"Am I allowed to even talk about the matter?" Loki blinks at him.

"Of course," Bruce nods.

"Very well. I already feared I was just put here so that someone can make sure I do not take off," Loki flashes a faint smirk.

"I think it kinda was that reason also," Bruce has to admit, but Loki doesn't seemed all too shocked at the revelation, but instead shrugs her shoulders, "Hm, I am quite used to this concept, yet it surprises me that this was not the only motive."

"Would you mind having a look at this, then? Perhaps something strikes you? You have seen more of the like?" Bruce asks. Loki gets up from her chair and walks over, glancing at the screens. The woman almost instantly uses the computer quite rightly, running her hands swiftly over the boards.

"You used those before?" Bruce frowns in surprise.

"No, but they work logically," Loki tells him, still keeping up with punching in some algorithms.

"Impressive," he whistles softly. Thor, to the day, still has a hard time using these. Bruce lost count of how many new panels and computers they had to get because Thor smashed them or bore his finger in so hard that the panel just broke in the middle. And of course... Thor is the only one who ever managed to shut down the entire house with a funny combination he punched in by mere chance. Yet, Loki... she knows what she is doing.

"I'm quite good at adapting to new situations and new things. This is a new thing, so I adapt to it. I have to say that my... _troublesome_ lifestyle, so to speak, demands a certain ability to adaptation to new surroundings... Though I thank you for the compliment," Loki speaks softly. She continues to work through files and charts, Bruce following her every step of the way, visibly impressed by her approach. It is not really what you would call the scientific method, but she actually seems to have a vast knowledge of it, simply doesn't take it as such. Suddenly she starts to hum a song, very softly, and, as the doctor has to note, quite beautifully also. Her singing voice is really soothing, " _And here we stood by the gate worlds apart. Even after working so very hard. The world in ashes and everyone cried. Mother and son and small little child. But once they went through and never came back, all were gone and ashes remained. All begun with their vicious attack. Now in shackles binding them so pained. They came to conquer and took it all. Are they now past the great and the tall. The warriors fight and die on the field, the women they weep, the gates are sealed. The villains they laugh at their masterpiece. The women they weep and won't start to cease. Cries fill the world and make it spin, that is the fight they cannot win. Now on their knees and on their own, watching the unfolded deadly doom, whilst losing the throne, the world starts to bloom_..."

"Is that one of the lullabies from your home?" Bruce frowns.

"It's a song I read in an old book eons ago," Loki grimaces. "It was not referring to the Firin specifically, but just told about long since dead tribes, or so thought at least. I was intrigued into old folklore for quite some decades... and what one has to know about folklore is that there is always an ounce of truth in it."

"Such as?" Bruce asks.

"Well, the men who conquer the worlds traveling through the gate... does that sound any familiar to you, Doctor?" she smirks at him, ad that is when realization dawns on Bruce, "Oh, so you mean to say..."

"I was just recalling it as I went. This song describes what the Firin do and how they fall...," Loki bites her lower lip.

"But does it really just take a few women crying? I really doubt that," Bruce grimaces.

"You have to see the bigger picture, I fear," Loki argues.

"What now?" Bruce frowns at her incredulously.

"They go down at the sound of the women weeping. What is weeping?" Loki asks him.

"A strong emotional reaction?" Bruce makes a face.

"More scientifically, Doctor Banner," she scolds.

"... sound," Bruce answers, finally getting it. Loki flashes a soft smile at him as she speaks, "Quite right. I take it from this chart over here that there was a change in the energy fluctuations as there was this certain frequency."

"It's not audible for us, but yes, this... this really correlates," Bruce nods.

"And then... if you compare those pictures in motion with the time of the frequency...," Loki points at the video footage, and Bruce can only agree, "They seem distressed for a moment."

"They heard it – and they were afraid of this sound," Loki nods her head, which makes her raven hair fall over her shoulders.

"They know that something will happen when that sound is made for too long. It seemingly pains them also," Bruce says, pushing the glasses up his nose as he mulls this over inside his head.

"I think, and of course I may be wrong about this, we might have good chances sending out that frequency. That might destabilize the portal – and perhaps force them to retreat," Loki suggests. She knows that none of the Avengers will be pleased about her involvement into the mission, but Loki couldn't care less anyways. She is here to protect what is left of her new life - and that means she has to make sure that they don't lose.

"We just have to send that in an infinite loop until they retreat or the portal collapses. That is great, we just have to sync that with the output... and then...," Bruce says, already working on strategies inside his head. He is instantly back to his work, punching in numbers. Loki silently draws away again to sit in her spot. Bruce only realizes after a few minutes, but is actually surprised. He thought that she would be overly proud of herself and gloat about this triumph, yet... here she sits and says nothing, even though she just saved their asses.

"Thanks," he says in all honesty. Loki glances at him - and now she is the one who actually looks surprised.

"I wouldn't have come up with the idea," Bruce admits.

"I think you would have eventually," Loki argues politely.

"But now it was perhaps fast enough," Bruce argues.

"... you are welcome," she flashes a brief but gentle smirk at him. Bruce then starts to call for the other Avengers.

Tony, fighting off a bunch of Firin, contacts Bruce over the comms, "Bruce?! Finally got anything?! Those Gremlins are bitches! Hey, don't you make scratches in that suit, I just polished it!"

"Guys, I think there is a way to shut down the portal," Bruce tells them.

"Then get it going!" Clint grumbles, shooting another one with his arrows.

"We have to send out a certain sound. That will hopefully destabilize the portal and perhaps weaken them enough for you to shove them back," Bruce explains.

" _Sound_?" Steve frowns. He hoped that the doctor would have more in store by now.

"Yes. There is a certain frequency that does something to the energy output of the portal," Bruce nods.

"Well, then get the subwoofers going and start the party," Tony snorts, firing at the next group of Firin.

"I fear the sound has to be strong enough to actually trigger the reaction. If I just put this on loudspeaker, we might not achieve anything," Bruce makes a face.

"We better try before we," Tony means to say, but is interrupted by one of the Firin attack him. "Oh, you did _not_ just slime on me!"

He pushes one of the Firin off of him.

"Okay, Tony, can I send it through your system for starters?" Bruce asks.

"Get it going before they slime me full," Tony whines mockingly. Bruce punches in some numbers and says, "Okay, that is the right frequency. You guys see any change?"

"They only get mad at me. Fuck off, slimy!" Tony grimaces.

"The portal seems to be... I don't know, it pulsates somehow, but nothing else," Natasha tells Bruce, who curses under his breath, "Darn, we have to make it louder somehow. But for that we need the amplifier."

Loki grimaces, seemingly contemplating with herself about what to do, but eventually she walks up to Bruce to be on-screen.

"What does _it_ want?" Tony grumbles. Of course he is not past that yet. Loki stifles the roll of her eyes, but focuses on the task instead.

"Thor has to hit his hammer on the Captain's shield once again, as he did when they first fought," Loki says, ignoring Tony's comment completely.

"What? What madness are you up to once again?" Thor growls as he smashes his hammer against another enemy.

"You want us to fight each other?!" Steve grimaces as he throws his shield.

"The sound that is created by the impact bears the frequency we need – and it should be strong enough to destabilize the portal. You just have to hit very exactly - and very hard," Loki rolls her eyes. They are wasting valuable time, not her.

"Loki, now is not the time to...," Thor wants to threaten, but Loki quickly interrupts him, "It's either that you do it, or those creatures will continue their ambush. It is not my choice, but yours."

"What can happen other than some noise, huh?" Steve shrugs.

"Fine," Thor grunts.

"You have to hit just above the star, heard that? Just above the star, in the middle," Loki tells Thor, who nods with determination, "Yes."

"Captain, you have to stand with your back to the portal. The sound has to travel past you. Keep it above you heard while crouching. At a 45° angle. You have to hold the shield up in the air for as long as you can so that it can fully vibrate and send out the frequency," she tells Steve.

"Fine," Steve nods. He positions himself while the others keep the Gremlins away from them. Thor swings his hammer, jumps high in the air and brings Mjölnir down on the shield, a deafening sound and shock wave hitting them all, almost knocking them off their feet, but that is when the Firin start to shriek in pain, some of them cowering on the ground. The portal pulsates stronger and faster, the light leaping out over its edges. Suddenly there is a strong pull and the Firin are sucked in before the portal simply disappears. Silence falls.

"Wow... okay. That came unexpected," Tony blinks.

"Everyone okay?" Natasha asks.

"Yes," all reply.

"That is one neat trick...," Tony grimaces, but then cries out loudly, "Eww, I think I just stepped in Gremlin... oh, please tell me that this is not Gremlin poop,"

"We should be heading back. SHIELD takes care of the rest," Clint mutters.

"Great thing that SHIELD is also our personal cleaning service," Tony smirks. Bruce turns to face Loki, actually wanting to tell her thanks, but she is crossing over to the door.

"Where are you going?" Bruce frowns at her. She turns around to glance at him, "My services are no longer required. I suppose I would do better at refraining to my chambers and staying there until my work is needed again."

"You can stay," Bruce frowns, now actually feeling bad all of a sudden.

"That is very kind of you, but I think I made them angry enough by interrupting them in their fight. I do not wish to be present for yet another lecture," Loki smirks faintly.

"You saved the day," Bruce grimaces. Really, that is the last thing Bruce expected to hear from her, now that she proved herself all over again.

"It does not matter," she argues silently. With that she heads out, leaving Bruce confused. This is not the Loki he would have pictured, ever. She is so mute and... depressed, actually, more of a sad clown if you think about how she acted in the past. Was this all a farce?

* * *

The Avengers return a few hours later.

"How do I get off that slime?!" Tony whines.

"Soap," Clint rolls his eyes at him.

"I won't soap my suit," Tony shakes his head.

"Then don't. Is not like I care about what you do to your suit," Clint snorts. Bruce walks up to them.

"Hey there, Mastermind. You just saved our asses," Tony flashes a broad smile at the doctor. He claps him on the shoulder, but Bruce only frowns at him, "Huh?"

"Well, the idea with the sounds... that could've come from me, you know?" Tony grimaces.

"That was entirely Loki's idea," Bruce argues in all honesty.

"You're serious?" Natasha grimaces. She guessed that Loki had her hands in it at some point, but that she made up this plan... Black Widow didn't see that coming.

"She was the one to suggest it, yes. She found the correlation with the frequency and the energy output. I didn't even pay attention to that, I have to admit," Bruce tells her.

"And where is... she?" Clint mutters angrily.

"In her room," Bruce declares.

"What now? Not up to gloat about her success, then?" Clint snorts. Bruce, with a bit of anger in his voice that comes as a surprise to even him, says, "No, she actually feared that this would be the reaction she'd get."

"Ugh, whatever," Clint grunts before he heads off.

"Well... at least she is doing her job, I guess. She is proving herself," Natasha shrugs.

"Without the trick with the sound, we would have been toast. Still fail to figure how she came up with the hammer and the shield, though," Steve says mindfully.

Thor, arms crossed over his chest, tells him, "Loki was present when we fought. He heard us."

"So?" Steve blinks at the Norse God.

"Well, she seemingly has a great hearing. She even heard the frequency that normally us people can't make out. I take it that her hearing memory is about just as good then, no?" Bruce explains, and Thor nods, "Loki can remember almost anything."

"Eidetic memory, pretty much," Bruce smirks. One thing you have to give her - she is more than meets the eye.

"Ha!" Tony smirks.

"Finally found someone who has it, too, Tony?" Bruce grins at him briefly.

"I just find it funny," Tony shrugs.

"I'm retreating to my room," Thor declares silently, then turns around, and leaves the room.

"And I will wash that," Steve makes a face as he grabs his slimed suit.

"I'll join you on that one," Tony grimaces, nodding at his own suit full of slime.

"I'm reporting to authorities," Natasha sighs.

" _Won't_ join you on that one," Tony smirks. Bruce nods as they head off. He decides to go see Loki. As he enters the room, he finds her sitting on the bed with a book in her lap. Once she realizes his presence, her emerald eyes are instantly on him.

"Ah, Doctor Banner. Have the Avengers returned?" Loki blinks at him.

"Yeah," Bruce nods.

"Very well so. Is everyone alright?" Loki asks with surprisingly much concern.

"They are all fine... thank you?" Bruce frowns. He actually didn't expect her to ask about their well-being... he never thought she would possibly... _care?_ Well, but that woman is one bundle of surprises.

"Well... Then what brings you here to me?" Loki asks curiously.

"I wanted to ask you if you had interest in working in the lab with me for the time being," Bruce tells her, which actually seems to catch her off-guard.

"I beg your pardon?" she blinks at him.

"You have a vast knowledge of pretty much everything, let's face it. I mean, I know we are not on the best terms, but... I see that I can profit from your knowledge, but more importantly, I'd _like_ to profit from your knowledge – and I think you might profit from this also," Bruce shrugs.

"In how far?" Loki asks, now skeptically. It might be that she is very interested in such things, but that doesn't mean she will just blindly agree to everything. It's enough that she had to agree to this pitiful situation she finds herself in now.

"Well, I'd grant you more say. You'd be more of my... lab partner, if that concept is familiar to you," Bruce tells her. "You said you have to prove yourself in some way, well, I think this might be a good way. We exchange knowledge."

"I am quite fond of the idea of enlarging my horizon, Doctor, but I do not come around the feeling that you just do that out of pity for me," Loki argues. And pity is the last thing she needs - or would ever accept.

"I don't," Bruce assures her, though she obviously doesn't buy it yet, "Ah-ha."

"You have to see, Loki... I'm living proof that there isn't just black and white. I'm a living grey zone, given my status as the Hulk. And I think you're not far different from me in that regard. Perhaps I'm mistaken, but I take you for genuine now, until you give me a reason to believe so otherwise. If you are genuine in your want to learn and to help, then I would be glad to help you do that. And I would be glad to profit from your knowledge. As a scientist, I'm quite intrigued with your skills and approaches. I would like to learn more. If this means that we both actually gain from this arrangement, then I don't see anything that would speak against it," Bruce explains, which makes Loki whistle softly, "I didn't think I would be able to gain more freedoms that fast, really."

"Well, let's just say they are exclusively for me and my lab, but... perhaps people will see that you are hardworking and then grant you more rights in turn," Bruce offers.

"It is very kind of you to do that... especially if one considers what I did to you and your friends in the past," Loki says.

"I broke some glass also, as the Hulk. I think I'm the last one who should raise the finger and say that he is that much better than the rest," Bruce replies.

"I see," Loki nods.

"Well, question is if you liked that. You would have to spend a lot of time in the lab with me – and I can get really mean if people don't get the job done. It's tough," Bruce warns her, but that actually makes her smile at him, "I never was afraid of a challenge."

"Well, and of course question is if you want to work with _me_ of all people," Bruce coughs lightly.

"I bear the highest respect for you, Doctor Banner," Loki assures him in all honesty.

"You mean that?" Bruce grimaces. When Loki told him back when they did the check-up, Bruce thought it was the trickster's way of making fun of him.

"You are the closest thing to a sorcerer here on earth as it can get," Loki shrugs.

"Houdini?" Bruce argues with a smirk.

"Oh please, those handcuffs were a joke," Loki huffs playfully. Bruce can't help but smirk at that.

"I see in a sorcerer someone who is curious, open to the world, someone who tries to understand the universes, daring to go one step further each time. I regard myself a sorceress and more than anything I wish to learn. I'd do a lot of things to gain knowledge. And I think you are not far different from me in that regard – and I highly respect that attitude, especially if it is coupled with such a capable mind such as yours," Loki grins at him.

"So we have a deal?" he asks, and Loki shrugs, "For as long as that means I do not violate my contract, then this is perhaps one of the few chances I will get to do something _productive_."

He holds out his hand to her, she takes it and gets up from her seat.

"Good, then how about we talk about... interdimensional portals for a while?" Bruce smirks at her.

"Oh, Doctor Banner, how tempting. You choose one of my absolute favorite topics," Loki grins at him.

They make their way back to the lab while discussing about all kinds of things.

And Bruce finds himself smiling quite earnestly in a long while now.


	7. Small Talk & Demons from the Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bruce and Loki bonded. 
> 
> Clint is not impressed. 
> 
> Tony forces Loki into small talk that ebbs into big talk.

Bruce and Loki are heading down the hallways from the lab, chatting.

"... and then we actually used the emissions to raise the output, so we turned tables and made the radiation work for us. Bam, instant reaction!" Bruce tells her, and Loki shrugs at him, "Well, there you see again that sometimes you need brute force, no?"

"Seemingly so," Bruce agrees with a smile tugging at his lips.

"Oh, I almost forgot. I finished the transcripts you asked me for," Loki says.

"So fast?" Bruce blinks at her.

"If you wanted me to take longer, you should have told me so," Loki frowns at him.

"No, no, no. I just didn't expect you to be so fast with it. Normally that takes weeks and months to put together... and for me it would have been impossible anyways coz I don't know what the hell this language is," Bruce holds up his hands. Loki moves her hand once and the folders appear in her arms and says, "Those are the ones you gave me to fill out. I think it should suffice."

"I'll look through it later. Thank you very much. You really saved me a lot of trouble with this," Bruce smirks.

"Always at your service. Very well, then I shall confine myself to my own studies now. I'll see you later the day," Loki nods curtly.

"Sure, looking forward to it. Catch you later," Bruce waves at her. With that Loki heads off. Bruce makes his way over to the lounge as he bumps into Clint.

"Hi," Bruce greets him sheepishly.

"Hi, I see that you took the enemy under your wing?" Clint snorts.

"You are not past that yet, are you?" Bruce makes a face.

"You tell me, if someone makes you do something against your will by taking over your brain... would you trust that person?" Clint huffs.

"Would you trust a person who just needs the right trigger to send him into a green anger-monster to destroy everything?" Bruce argues.

"You didn't do anything to me. That person did," Clint snarls.

"Well, perhaps it would do you good to give her a chance to redeem herself," Bruce retorts.

"You mean that," Clint grimaces.

"I don't say that everything's forgiven now and that we should just fully trust her, but she is trying," Bruce argues.

"Just coz she gets along with you doesn't mean that she's really changed," Clint snorts.

"You say that, not me," Bruce shakes his head.

"What now? I see that you are some kinda best buddies, and is not like I mind or whatever, but perhaps you realize that you are the only one," Clint grumbles.

"I never was the type to just go with the crowd," Bruce replies.

"You know what they say... mostly majority is right in the end," Clint huffs.

"Even if so... I don't see the necessity to be resentful with someone I work with. I don't bear her a particular grudge other than going havoc that one time. And it is as I said before. I believe in second chances," Bruce tells him.

"I'd just be careful. If you start to trust her too much, it might not only backfire on you, but also us, and possibly the world," Clint warns him.

"You know, to say it with the words of Earnest Hemingway: The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them. I can grow suspicious once she gives me reason for it. Until now, she is simply great company and of even grater help to my research, which in turn also helps you all," Bruce argues.

"Just saying. If it happens, then...," Clint shrugs, and Bruce completes with a roll of his eyes, "Then you can say you told me so."

"Good that we talked about this," Clint smirks sarcastically.

"Yeah, I find that also. Either way, I'm heading my ways now. I still got to work through the transcripts Loki was so kind to translate for me," Bruce sneers. Clint grimaces before walking off once again. Bruce shakes his head. He really _defended_ Loki, much to his own surprise. In the few weeks' time they now spent together... she really grew on him. And it actually makes Bruce sad that seemingly no one sees the effort Loki puts into redeeming herself. She does all the research, works of ways to improve their weapons, she stays up late at night to work on those tasks – she is really trying, but up until now Bruce is the only one treating her with respect and actually showing somewhat gratitude for her actions.

Clint is obviously against anything about Loki, and at some point really no one can blame him for feeling a personal resent towards her – though it is fairly obvious that she is accepting that the utmost and does not even speak up to him, something really not part of her nature at all. Natasha simply ignores her, which could be suspected.

Though she spoke for her, Natasha is just not the type of person to befriend someone that easily, especially if it is unclear whether she can trust this person.

Steve seems awkward around Loki which is why he usually retreats when seeing her around, even if Bruce is convinced that Loki actually enjoys his discomfort.

Tony is just Tony – he doesn't trust her much, but he usually brushes it off with a comment, and asking if she can transform into whatever she likes, again and again – and taking particular interest in her transforming into a toaster for _some_ reason... And Thor, well, Thor couldn't be any more distant to her than he is now. If he doesn't completely ignore her, he yells at her and is that close from swinging Mjölnir at her face.

She basically has no backup on the team. Maybe that's one of the reasons why Bruce is so persistent in taking her under his wing. She has no one to do that – so, even if he may have some doubts in the back of his head, it seemingly falls upon him to take care of that and be her one spokesman.

* * *

Later the day, Loki sits on the couch in one of the Mansion's lounges, one book in her lap, the other floating midair, the next on hovering to her right. She seems perfectly intrigued with her task which is why she does not acknowledge Tony's arrival much. She does hear him, but the sorceress does not really care for what the idiot is up to, after all, those books are far more interesting in her opinion. He stands there for a couple of seconds without saying a word, just bobbing up and down by rolling over his heels, hands folded over the back. The fact that he actually didn't talk for five seconds gets her interest, though.

Not that she would ever admit that out loud.

Loki, not glancing up from her book, says in calm voice, "Master Stark, what can I do for you?"

"Hm? Just wanted to see how things are standing," Tony tells her playfully.

"Standing for what and for whom?" Loki narrows her eyes at him.

"That's just a saying," Tony makes a face. He actually thought that Loki would not be so slow on the uptake. That seems to be more Thor's part, at least he took Loki for being the smart one of the bunch.

"I know," she hums in a sing-song.

"Then why did you ask?" Tony huffs.

"I mean to express my resentment about this saying by pointing out its stupidity," Loki shrugs.

"Noted...," Tony grimaces.

"Well, then what do you wish to say in reality, and not metaphorically?" Loki asks.

"Well, just like... small-talk, how it is to work with our own little brainiac... you know, the usual things?" Tony smirks at her. Loki studies the billionaire's face. One thing he and Thor share is this almost dog-like attitude that creeps all the way up their faces. Whenever they are asking for something, they look just like puppies waggling their tails at the hand of their master, if they are sad... well, kicked puppies, obviously. As far as Loki's knowledge reaches by now, after all, she spends a great deal of time catching up on earth's history now that she is on this planet, that is what many women actually find attractive in men, this sense of loyalty and vulnerability that you see in puppies. Even if Loki can't deny that this might be one of the few instances where their charm sparks... she is more of a cat-person. Puppies just have it coming.

"You mean Doctor Banner?" Loki frowns at him.

"Who else?" Tony snickers.

"... why do you wish to discuss the nature of my relationship to Doctor Banner now exactly?" Loki grimaces.

"Are you really that unfamiliar with the concept of small-talk?" Tony makes a face.

"I do not like to take part in it," Loki tells him smugly.

"And here I thought you were the type of person to always speak. I mean... they call you Silvertongue and all, right?" Tony argues.

"In fact they do. Yet, I am not a Silvertongue for my proficiency in small-talk, but for using just the right words at the right time. One could say I have learned to minimize my speech so that it actually matches my needs, which is quite the opposite of small-talk altogether in my opinion," Loki replies.

"Interesting point. Well, now I tell you what small-talk here on earth is. For us it's a way to get to know each other, break the ice?" Tony tells her, to which she smiles viciously, "Aha... just like you meant to break the ice in the first place, with me, when you didn't know?"

Tony grimaces though now he can actually smile about it... _kinda,_ "... not like that."

"Good, or else I may have to violate my contract and scratch your eyes out," Loki says, perfectly calm. Tony grimaces. Now with Loki as a girl, she can be even creepier. And Loki as a guy could make your flesh crawl with just a glance. It's probably that she looks so sweet in this form, like a really nice, innocent girl who couldn't harm a fly. But then she can put on just this smile and say the utmost mean and sadistic things and be perfectly calm about it. That really makes Tony's flesh crawl, all the way from toes to scalp.

"Well, now that you know about its concept... why don't we have a bit of small-talk? We didn't have much of an opportunity yet...," Tony suggests.

"Well, having this kind of conversation would imply that I would actually have interest in getting to know you, no?" Loki argues.

"Ho, there is the old Loki we all know and learned to hate," Tony huffs.

"And on the other side it also means that you have a real interest in learning about me as a person – and that is something I actually doubt, for good reasons, so I believe," Loki adds.

"Why?" Tony fronws at her, to which she replies icily, "Because I know myself pretty well, despite what some people, _Thor_ , may say. And as I know me, there are just things people don't want to know about me. People are scared in the dark."

"I camp out in a metal suit. I'm not really afraid of the dark," Tony smirks.

"There is dark and there is darkness, you see. I really doubt that this is something you would like to get to know," Loki sighs.

"Well, I'm kinda making an effort now," Tony argues.

"But perhaps more out of conscience or because of a kind of curiosity I find with most people who are scientists, such as you or Doctor Banner," Loki huffs.

"Can't deny I am... ugh, _curious,"_ Tony frowns. Loki contemplates for a few moments, but then... her own curiosity gets the better of her and wants to test his curiosity in turn. This could become really funny, as far as she knows Stark, so what harm can it do?

"If that is so, then straightly ask me what you want to know, I shall answer you," Loki declares finally, and Tony almost jumps at that as he smirks, "Seriously?"

"There is nothing much to hide," Loki shrugs. She is already exposed, isn't she?

Tony wants to make sure another time, "Okay, so you are serious – and that is not just to be mad at me?"

"I am actually quite curious at to what you may have on mind," Loki says, leaning back.

"Okay, uhm... so... how old are you?" Tony narrows his eyes. Loki tilts her head as she counts, but then says with a shrug of her frail shoulders, "In earth time, I should be something around 1048, if I am not mistaken, though I miss a huge part ever since I was with the Chitauri, because you lose track after some time with those kind of creatures as your company... and they have a different time, so... I may have gained or lost some years there... so you see, I am way older than you. Hitting on me might not be as much of a good idea. I am a woman of experience."

"Well, that would only make it attractive again...," Tony grins at her smugly.

"Ah-ha," Loki makes a face.

"And you actually mean it with being both, like male and female?" Tony asks.

"Most certainly so," Loki nods. Really, it's curious just how set these mortals are in their ways... if that already sends them off-track.

"Cool thing... cool thing... and... did you live as a woman before, like really _live_ as one, or... is that your first time you stay in the shape for longer?" Tony carries on.

"No, I lived like this in a long while," Loki tells him.

"Yeah? What did you do? I mean...," Tony grimaces, but Loki explains with a smile tugging at her lips, "I just went on a journey, if you mean to imply that Thor is not all too familiar with this very form. He did not accompany me on my voyage, though, which is why he is what you coin as _awkward_ around me. And of course because he hates me, but that is on a different page."

"And... what did you do on that journey, then?" Tony questions.

"I explored. I went to different places. Lived the lives of many women," Loki can't help but smile at the memory.

"Huh?" Tony blinks at her, so she explains in a soft voice, "At each place I was another me, another woman, another race, another being. One time I was a peasant, earning her living in the fields. At another time I was a dancer. Then a teacher. A travelling artist. Then a long-lost queen who reclaimed her throne. A singer. A priestess in one of the most beautiful temples that ever met my eyes. A muse for artists and poets. Wrote speeches for the great men of some realms. Enchanted men as a ghost traveling along the outskirts of town, throwing men off their horses as I passed through the mist of the night... Picked fruit... and flowers... lay in the grass and did nothing all day long... it was a very interesting time."

"Wow," Tony puckers his lips, honestly impressed.

"Anything else you would like to know?" Loki asks.

"What does a Jotun look like exactly?" Tony questions.

"You wish to see my true form, I take?" Loki concludes.

"That would of course be the best way to show me that," Tony shrugs his shoulders playfully. Loki smirks before her hair suddenly flares as if electrocuted. Her features take on a dark shade of blue and grey, the skin texture is more pallid, her eyes turn a dark shade of red, like mellow cherries. Much to Tony's surprise her clothes disappear as well, only for a short and tight leather kilt around her waist, the chest only covered by her long hair. The woman gets up from her seat, smirking her vicious kind of smirk.

"Wow... okay... that is... puh," Tony blushes.

"I could have taken on this form also, but I fear it may have brought major confusion to people your kind. No?" Loki hums playfully.

Tony struggles for breath, "Certainly."

"Are you feeling uncomfortable, Master Stark?" Loki smirks mischievously.

"What? Me, no... why would I? I mean...," Tony stammers. Loki glances down at herself and then snickers, "Ah, I see, it's the lack of fashion, no?"

"Well, I didn't expect it," Tony scratches the back of his head.

"You wished for an _authentic_ picture, so I thought I might do good at adding the traditional fashion," she shrugs.

"Hey, I'm all up for tradition," Tony grins.

"How did I know you were to say that once again, hm?" Loki rolls her eyes at him. Her skin suddenly fades to her pale rose skin color, changing back into a human once again.

Tony runs a shaky hand through his hair, "That is a really... neat... trick."

Loki smirks at him, well aware of the fact that she is still dressed in no more than the kilt around her hips.

"You know that I'm actually..." Tony gesticulates, visibly uncomfortable, to which Loki smirks, "... spoken for? Of course I know, Lady Potts, as far as I'm informed, no?"

"Yeah," Tony tilts his head.

"Well, I have no intention of procreation with you, Master Stark. So you only have to worry for perhaps your own wishes and fantasies, no?" Loki grins at him viciously.

"... right," Tony grimaces.

"But we don't want Lady Potts to get the wrong idea, hm?" Loki snickers. With that her clothes return as she sits back down.

"... sure," Tony grimaces. _Pity_... sorry, Pepper, a short moment of weakness.

"What else would you like to know?" Loki asks him curiously.

"Is it true that you... well, I read some lore and there they said that you once... you had, uhm... you and that horse, you...," he gesticulates.

"Svalfari and I? Yes, we did have a child, Sleipnir," Loki nods, though her voice turns bitter towards the end. "And the irony that now my father is riding him never went without my notice."

"Wow, _awkward,_ " Tony blinks at her, but Loki sighs with sadness filling her voice, "It is rather tragic, so I believe. My son is bound to be a mere servant to the Allfather."

"That sucks," Tony grimaces sympathetically. And that is about the understatement of the millenium, Tony knows, but... what can you say? There are no words to describe such a pain, of losing one's children, or, far worse, have them taken from you.

"Well, he has perhaps the smallest misfortune, of all my children, though," Loki exhales, her chest heaving.

"There's more," Tony puckers his lips, and Loki nods, "Yes."

She would like to deny the pain in her chest, but it's a lost cause. A battle long since lost to mighty hands that claim to do the right thing, though it's wrong. That is the feeling that always accompanies the memory of her children - and will probably always.

"Was wondering... did you ever try to get them back?" Tony asks softly.

"What parent doesn't? But I can't, for the Allfather. He took... measurements, to prevent that. But... I made arrangements so that they have it considerably well. They might be monsters, but that just means they know how defend themselves. No one can truly hurt them, physically. They are good children. They are grown now. And a part of me still hopes for the day to come that they take their revenge on the Allfather for bringing that upon them, but I do not believe they will be granted this kind of victory," Loki explains.

"Why not?" Tony blinks at her.

"With the God of Misfortune as their parent... I do not believe that fortune is on their side," Loki shrugs. No, cursed children can only bring forth more cursed children.

"Do you miss them?" Tony asks, his voice almost a whisper.

"Do I miss them? _Yes._ Of course. They are and will always be my children. And for that I feel affection for them," Loki scolds, but then she grits her teeth. "Yet... I am past the point where I weep over their loss. They are alive, and strong. And isn't that what all parents want for their children? They know how to survive. I tried my best at bringing them up, as time allowed me... now it's no longer in my powers. I let go."

"Why did they take them away from you?" Tony asks.

"Who wants a whore to be his son, really?" Loki sneers.

"... still, I mean... did Odin really have to give them away?" Tony argues, to which Loki replies coolly, "Most certainly so. I think the concept of reputation is not unfamiliar to you and your realm either, Master Stark. The Allfather is the King of Asgard, he cannot have a son who is a whore and procrastinates with monsters not the like of an Aesir. And of course... it made sure that it is not discovered that I am actually of Jotun heritage. Aesir normally cannot do what I did – change the sex and all. We blamed it on my magic, for in truth it was my nature calling."

And whenever Loki thinks about these days, the rupture only becomes deeper, like a wedge driven further into the wound. Even if back then Loki didn't put the pieces together, much to her own dismay, that was already one if not the worst crime Odin committed to her. Not only to lie to her about her heritage, but to keep up that lie... by taking her children away, ignored her pleas, her cries, her whimpering, her actual _begging_ , on her knees, with blood still over her. This pure dread, the clearest form desperation and agony, so blinding white that it burned her eyes... and all those back turned on her, no one daring to look her in the eye... if she didn't know what true hatred was, those were the times when she learned it.

"But still, wouldn't it have been enough to punish you or whatever? Why do that to them?" Tony can't help but question. It just won't go into his head.

"You would have to ask that the Allfather, of course. But my suspicion is that he wished to punish me by punishing my children. For it is our children who are the most precious to us. If you take them away, hurt them... you hurt the parent multiply-fold," Loki hisses, the pain flooding her chest once again.

"Not as they say in the child's books on you and your life...," Tony sighs.

"I am past this now... and I do not need pity for that, neither do my children," Loki shakes her head.

"Yeah, no, I get that, but... I'm sorry for the kids... and you, honestly. No one deserves that," Tony grimaces earnestly. He can't even imagine what that must be like... and at some point, Tony honestly starts to understand what made Loki so angry in the past. He'd be angry, too.

There is a longer pause.

"Thank you," she says softly.

"Does Big Guy know about all this?" Tony grimaces.

"He was there when they were taken from me. Didn't it say in your books also?" Loki huffs, though sadness hums within her voice. He was there. He was. And he turned away.

"Not really," Tony puckers his lips.

"He was there, as part of the royal family. It was a feast, pretty much. I do not blame him, or our Mother... no one disobeys the Allfather," Loki shrugs.

"Not even your own brother?" Tony makes a face. Maybe you can expect that from your enemy, but not from... you family. Even if Tony himself doesn't have the brightest childhood to show, he still has a faint idea of what you don't do and what you do. You don't take a family member's child away, you don't let it happen. And if it does, you are still there to support that person.

"As I said, I do not blame him for that. For other things perhaps, but not this... It was a scandal after all, and more than anything I brought shame on this family. Then it is natural to think that way, perhaps," Loki shrugs. That is what she figured long ago. She was a cursed child from the start, a shame, a dark stain on the otherwise golden family saga, the dark, shrivelled, withered twig that fell to the ground and decayed.

"Hm, I wouldn't react like that," Tony shakes his head.

"You are not Aesir, so you cannot really tell,"Loki argues. Even if a part of her appreciates this concern for her person and her children, that man has simply no idea what it means to be King, what it means to be in Asgard. The rules are different. The cards are shuffled. A new game is played. You can't compare worlds. There are just too many layers to peel away to find only a grain of truth.

"Just as person I wouldn't. I mean... that's just... _wrong,_ " Tony shakes his head.

"Right and wrong... those two are never quite distinguished. Other than in science perhaps. Zero and One. Yes or No. But when it comes to people... to individuals... it is no longer possible to tell right from wrong. Something might be wrong for you, but it might be very right for me. What you see as right might be questionable to me. It wasn't wrong to my brother back then for many reasons: for the shame, for the humiliation, for how he was raised, in what codex he lives and thinks... it was right to him to act like that. And it was wrong to him... how I acted, because it was... against anything he knew or learned. So who am I to say that he did me wrong? What is wrong to me is not wrong to anyone else," Loki argues, her voice humming at the thought. Tony grimaces. One should think that Loki would just curse at Thor, since she is likely doing that on most other occasions, but on this one, where she really would have any reason to yell and cry... she doesn't, but actually finds empathy for him? To Tony, this really seems outrageous. If someone had done something like that to him, he wouldn't just forgive that guy, or actually make up an excuse to justify his actions. Really, Loki is nothing she seems to be.

"Hm, interesting perspective, never quite saw it like that... but you might have a point," Tony shrugs, trying to keep it casual to relieve some of the tension he feels rising.

"I'm glad if I can be of help to perhaps shed a different light on your perspectives," Loki smirks at him.

"See? Small-talk is helpful!" Tony tries to maneuver out of the darkness, at least a bit. Much to his surprise, Loki instantly takes up on the cue, "... you might actually have a point also."

Tony grins at her.

"Is there anything else you would like to know?" Loki asks.

"Will you finally answer my toaster-question?" Tony raises his index finger, puckering his lips at her. Loki just glares at him.

"Fine, okay, then not. Was worth a try," Tony shrugs. He didn't see it happening anyways. They fall silent for a while.

"Alright... uhm, I guess I should head my ways again. Was great talking to you. Thanks for the insight. Mind repeating that some time?" Tony asks casually.

"You know where to find me, Master Stark," she replies.

Tony walks off. At the other hallways stands Thor, his head against the wall, having overheard Tony's and Loki's conversation with a heavy heart.

He really forgot about Loki's children – and how they treated them. It is something Thor would actually rather forget about altogether, for he actually feels regret for how they treated Loki and his children, with scorn... and laughter. Thor remembers, he actually _laughed_ at Loki as he tried to contemplate, bring the Allfather to let them stay... one of the few times Loki was actually begging their Father for mercy. It was horrible for her, thinking about it... to be constantly reminded that you cannot see your own children, or if you do, then only in the stallions, which are no more than a prison.

It is really odd how easily everyone forgot about the matter, though, the Thunderer reminds himself. Loki was still much younger when this took place... and later... when did he actually start to act normally around his older brother again, Thor asks himself. When did he call him that again: _brother_? The God of Thunder can't remember. At some point it is really hard to believe that Loki actually managed to look either one of them in the eye after what they did to him and his children. But somehow... he did... But the far more hurtful question might be... _how_ did he manage to?

Thor runs a shaky hand through his hair before walking off. He knows better than to talk to Loki right now... and even if he feels remorse over his past mistake... there is still all the mistakes Loki has made. And those are that matter now...

Or do they?


	8. The Ball Is Rolling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Avengers are fighting a new enemy, but things get tough. 
> 
> Loki makes a decision, which forces others to make other decisions. 
> 
> Things are on the move.

The Avengers are fighting once again. Loki was left at the Mansion to observe everything, or as Fury pointed out to her, she is ' _coordinating the operation_ ', which is, of course, the nice way of disguising the truth. To her, this is more like the parent telling one of the children that she can't play with the rest, but has to stay inside. Sometimes Loki really curses her situation. She was never one to pick a fight, well, other than as a child and when Thor was just too much of the stupid oaf he can be at times... _always_... but now she feels this urge creeping through her body. She wants to be out there, do something, not just sit there in front of those vicious screens and hope that the connection doesn't break down.

The only positive aspect is that, by now, she is allowed to work on her own in the lab, and not having SHIELD staff observing every step. Not that this makes it better much, after all, that makes it perhaps even more boring. With the staff she could at least fool around by turning the ties around and experimenting with her magic a bit here and there. Yet, she seemingly can't change the circumstance, so she will be a good girl and listen to Daddy Fury and coordinate everything. The sorceress rolls her eyes at her own thoughts. Since when did she become that soft?! But before she can further contemplate on her growing frailty, she sees Hawkeye getting caught in a tough spot.

"Someone has to get to Master Barton," Loki says over the headset.

"Kinda busy here," Tony grunts while fighting off five at a time.

"Anyone?" Loki asks, but she already realizes the futility of her inquiry, since all are _more_ than busy fighting their own enemies.

"Master Fury? Where is the backup?" Loki snarls with annoyance in her voice. So much to her new job - just as useless as the one before.

"They are five minutes from their whereabouts," Fury lets her know over the comm.

"You are sincere?" Loki sighs, though she already knows the answer.

"No, I'm just saying that for the fun of it," Fury snorts sarcastically.

"He will die if no one helps him, like... right now," Loki says, looking at the screens with concern as Clint is now on the ground, fighting for dear life.

"Fuck! Clint!" Natasha cries out exasperated as she sees him.

Loki grunts. Really, she had it coming. _Be careful what you wish for, lest it come true_. Or, to say it in Stark's terms, destiny is a bitch.

The goddess contemplates, weighing her options, biting her lower lip as she does, but then makes up her mind. Loki gets up from her chair. She folds her arms over her chest, concentrating, and then finds herself in the midst of the battlefield, just in front of the enemy attempting to slay Clint. She produces a dagger out of thin air and plunges the weapon right into the attacker's throat, killing him.

"What is she doing there?!" Fury cries out in shock and utter disbelief at what unfolds in front of him on the screens.

"She just transported there... and saved Barton's life," Coulson grimaces, still not quite believing it himself.

"Loki, away from the battlefield, right now," Fury yells at her. But Loki doesn't listen, just carries on as the enemies start to circle the two. If Daddy is mad, then it doesn't matter if she doesn't listen now either, does it? Clint regains some of his strength to sit up, still confused and shocked that Loki, _of all people_ , came to his rescue. The young woman snaps her dagger back out fo the corpse by using her magic, just to plunge it into the next enemy, swirling gracefully around, producing a disk of magic with which she beheads the next. She continues to hold the enemies away as she quickly glances at Clint, "Are you hurt?"

"... don't think so," Clint says, shaking his head against the vertigo. More and more enemies creep up around them. Clint shoots a few with his arrows.

"Fuck, they just keep multiplying," Clint grunts. Loki looks around, assessing the situation: they are literally outnumbered. They will not win the fight if she doesn't attack the source of the problem.

"Duck and close your eyes!" Loki declares with determination flooding her voice.

"What?!" Clint blinks at her. She can't be serious. Does she want to wish it away or what's the deal here?!

"Just do it!" Loki hisses. Really, humans are just so slow.

Clint obeys, burying his head in the ground. Suddenly a huge disk of magic appears underneath the feet of the villains surrounding them and they are lifted up high. Before they can even try to get off, Loki jumps on one of her disks as well and flies above them, then dips, producing a bomb she throws at the villains. A bright light erupts and the enemies are destroyed. Thanks to having elevated them, the explosion does not catch any of the Avengers, though. Loki makes a backflip on the board due to the impact, but catches herself quite easily. After all, this is what she is used to, and trained for ever since on earth.

"She did not just do that, did she?!" Fury blinks at the screen, his voice shaking with a mixture of anger and shock.

"Seemingly did, Boss," Coulson shrugs.

"Loki, where the fuck did you get these fuckin' weapons from?!" Fury demands, bringing his hands down on the table with a loud bang. Loki still doesn't answer, but lands next to Barton, who is still staring at her in shock.

Loki scans the area for new enemies to strike while she talks, "You are an archer."

"Yeah," Clint nods. Loki swiftly moves her hands producing a few more bombs before twisting her hands once, causing them to take on a different shape, that of arrows. She hands them to Clint.

"Fire them in a ten feet radius from each other, twenty feet from this point," Loki explains, pointing with her index finger at where she wants them to be.

"What about the others?" Clint looks back at their companions.

"I will take care of them," she tells him curtly. "But we have to act fast before they outnumber us. Right now, the number is manageable, but soon that won't be true anymore. We have to act, now. Can you do it?"

Clint nods and gets in position. Loki takes a wide step in front of him, flinging her hands gracefully in the air, "Now!"

Clint shoots, of course with absolute precision.

"Oh, fuck," Tony gapes as he sees the missiles flying by. But that is when Loki's magic pulls all the Avengers off the ground and away from all harm, engulfed in a sphere of light. The explosions rock the ground.

"Clint!" Natasha cries out, but he is safe also, as Loki has a shield in front of her, which protects him the same way. The explosions finally end and show an empty battlefield.

"Romanov! Barton! Report! We are blind here!" Fury barks.

"Enemy's out," Clint says.

"What?!" Fury gapes.

"Copy that," Natasha confirms.

"Back to the headquarters immediately. Make sure Loki does not run away," Fury tells the two agents in a low voice. Loki gets up from her crouching position, letting go of the last energy, before swiftly walking up to them. It is clear that she knows exactly what she did, but still she couldn't have more dignity in her walk.

"I suppose Master Fury will not be pleased," she manages to smirk. Natasha, still trying to process what just happened, replies, "... One could say so."

"Well, then I suppose that we head back, no?" Loki glances at her, and Natasha only manages to nod, "Helicopters are there."

"Then shall we hop on?" Loki asks calmly before she walks over to the landing helicopters. They silently make their way back to the headquarters, where they are already awaited by a furious Fury, and a torn-looking Coulson. Loki immediately walks up to them, not hesitating for only just a second, "I suppose you want to talk to me about my punishment."

"Damn right! We had rules! You broke each and every one of them!" Fury curses at her, though Loki stays unimpressed. That man could try to jump her to bring her down, but that would only mean his own downfall, that much is for certain.

"Now wait! She saved my life. If she hadn't come, I would have been dead, that's for sure," Clint jumps in, much to everyone's surprise - especially to Loki's. She expected him to join his boss, actually, but... that man might be more than he seems to be after all. Clint, of course, would rather not be forced to say that, but... she saved him, knowing the odds, knowing the dangers. She risked her life, for him, for the team. She acted like one of them. And for that even Loki doesn't deserve punishment.

"And she then saved us also," Natasha argues.

"And she took out the enemy," Bruce nods, arms folded over his chest.

"Doesn't matter," Fury shakes his head. "You held back information. You had weapons to use against them, but kept them to yourself."

"I did not hold them back," Loki replies.

"Then what is this to you?" Fury demands. "You coordinate this situation, but you only show those weapons once you join, without permission?!"

"I created them _as_ the team fought. You can hardly blame me for not finishing any faster," Loki snorts icily. He can be angry at her for disobeying his orders, but not for this. If they are not fast enough to bring the backup, then this is hardly her problem. She had to act.

"What?!" Fury blinks at her, but Bruce jumps in, "Loki is proficient in creating weapons. She can work them from scratch – and create them out of nothing, coz of her magic. She just needs the data."

"And you never thought about telling me that?!" Fury cries out.

"I feared for such a reaction," Bruce shrugs.

"Yes, damn right I would have had that reaction already back then!" Fury growls.

"For as long as she helped in creating new weapons, you didn't seem to mind," Bruce retorts sarcastically.

"Because it was in a lab with security," Fury shoots back.

"And that is where I _designed_ these also," Loki argues. She just didn't _create_ them in there.

"But you didn't use them there!" Fury growls. He knew that Loki would play with the words like that.

"If I had done so, the lab would have been gone,"Loki huffs. Was she really supposed to test them indoor first?

"Loki, you knew that you were walking on thin ice. You did not only take weapons and used them - outside your safety zone, but you also disobeyed my orders altogether. We had a deal – you broke it," Fury snarls, but this time, Loki actually loses her cool also and curses at him, "My contract never involved that I had to listen to every of your verbal commands. I am to be of help to the Avengers. As far as I can see, I was just that."

It's odd how some things just never seem to change. She can do the right thing, but still be wrong.

Because it's her. Really, just when do people come up with a new game?

"Now don't twist my words," Fury grumbles.

"She is not," Clint jumps in.

"What? Now you guard her?" Fury huffs.

"She saved my life. That means something to me. And I know what's in the contract as well as you do. She just quoted correctly. We never told her that she has to listen to every order, but that she is supposed to be of help to the team. She is supposed to contribute," Clint argues.

"And as far as we see it... she contributed – _a lot_." Natasha joins the chorus.

"And with the weapons... you let her create them for our purposes. I work with her on some of them... _most_ of them, actually. I don't see why she shouldn't be so nice to _drop them by,_ " Tony smirks.

"She _used_ them," Fury insists.

"Just one. I did the rest," Clint argues.

"You could say that she just demonstrated once – and then Legolas took over," Tony snickers.

"I agree," Steve nods his head. "She saved us. If not for her, Clint would have been dead for sure, and the battle would have been lost."

"She saved our asses, big time," Bruce smirks.

"Do all Avengers agree to that?" Fury demands.

"Yes," all Avengers say simultaneously.

Maybe not the same game after all?

"Fine, I will let that slip once, but don't think that you outsmart me with shit like that," Fury mutters, but Loki argues, "Well, I think we could prevent those disagreements if my position were changed – and I would be allowed to fight in battle."

Perhaps she has to change the game herself?

"Not that again," Fury sighs.

"My position didn't change, and I think today just showed again that I could much better fulfill my duties to you if I were allowed to take active part in the operations," Loki insists. She knows this fight is stupid, but so is all of this. And more than anything, Loki is fed up with how the SHIELD decides to treat her.

"She is right," Steve comes to her support. "If she were on the team, we would move around the problem that she might disobey you if she joins a fight. She is one hell of a soldier, she showed that just now. She would be a great asset to the team, in battle also."

"She's even more of a badass than I am. And that is hardly possible," Tony grins.

"You really want me to put the arch-enemy on the active team?" Fury asks, his anger deflating.

"It might at least be worth a try," Natasha shrugs.

"Right, we can take her off the team again if she messes up," Clint adds.

"... again, everyone wants that?" Fury exhales.

"Yes," the team nods again in unison. Loki is actually surprised to hear Thor speaking up for her as well. Even if he does not do actively come to her defense, he joins in the chorus. And that is truly more than she ever expected.

"Fine, the Avengers now have a new member... I can't believe I'm saying this... But be aware, if you mess with us...," Fury warns her, but Loki intervenes calmly, "I know that song. I thank you all for the trust you are willing to put in me for now. I shall do my best at earning it. Is that all we have to discuss?"

"As of now, yes. Just go already," Fury grumbles. Loki nods while bowing slightly before she walks off. The others follow shortly after. Bruce walks up to Clint.

"I will not say I told you so," Bruce whispers to him with a grin tugging at his lips. Clint smirks at him. No words needed.

"Well, then... that means Demolition Queen is now on our team. That's gonna be fun," Tony snickers.

"When this cooperation started, I never thought this would happen," Natasha shakes her head.

"Definitely not," Steve agrees. "But we gotta see it. We would have lost quite a few battles without her help. This was just the tip of the iceberg."

"Still find it creepy that she can just produce weapons out of thin air, though. That is helpful on the one hand, but on the other hand... very dangerous," Natasha grimaces.

"Well, as I see it, she won't use them against us unless we give her reason," Bruce shrugs.

"But Natasha has a point. I mean, I don't say that Loki will automatically seize the opportunity to go havoc with her weapons. She may have done that in ages now, but didn't. But what if she just thinks it's right to use them... and it's not?" Steve argues.

"She _does_ kinda struggle with what's right and wrong for our standards," Tony throws in, his conversation with her about right and wrong still vivid in his memory.

"Guys, that is something applying to all of us," Bruce argues. "We don't know either if we always use the weapons rightly, if we actually work for the greater good and don't just play into someone else's hands. At some point one cannot even tell."

"She could make a nuke out of nothing and no one would know," Tony shakes his head.

"You are the one to talk. You build an arc reactor and an armor in a cave, Tony. You are as much of a threat to humankind as she is. Just because she is capable of it doesn't mean that she will," Bruce huffs.

"But she tried. I mean... I don't say I like the thought, but we have to consider, don't you see?" Tony makes a face, but that only makes Bruce even more angry, "Ah, we consider all too much when it comes to her. Up until now, and it's been months already, she did nothing. _Absolutely_ nothing. She only helped and fulfilled her duties. Whether or not she broke some glass on Earth in a fit of rage or whatever doesn't mean that she can never redeem herself. And again, Tony, you are the one to talk. Your weapons broke more than a bit of glass. If you saw no chance in people changing, then how do you explain your change of business, huh?"

"Fine, okay," Tony sighs.

"I think we would all do good at putting a bit of faith in her, yes?" Bruce argues.

"Well, we're doing now...," Tony shrugs.

"Right, so let's focus on that and don't just throw a chance away coz of stupid prejudices or... memories," Bruce grunts.

Something is set into motion.


	9. Training & Other Complications

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki puts her frustration to use in training, until Thor shows up. 
> 
> Things escalate.

_Fearing things is perhaps the most natural trait living creatures inherit. That is what makes us survive. When we see a bear, we run... or we draw a gun, depending on how you wish to canalize your terror. When we fear a person, we stay away from him or her, change the sidewalk, take a different bus. When we fear the future, we cave in, try to hide. When we fear the past, we try to forget. The problem with fear is that once it is directed at things about yourself, your very being... you can't do much about it. In fact, there is **nothing** you can do. You obviously can't run from yourself, unless you overcome the discrepancy of body and soul, or mind, or identity, whichever you may prefer. It remains the same. No matter how fast or how far you run, you won't escape yourself. And matters only seem to get worse when this fear is about weakness, when you fear growing weak. It is not about growing physically weak. Though possibly terrifying in the eyes of sickness or death, it is the ravages of time and if it isn't... you can still work out. But if it is a weakness of the mind, the disease reaches far deeper, cuts far more painfully and binds you so tightly to yourself that you almost suffocate. If you fear weakness, then it is not only a lack you fear, but also the slow erosion, this stealthy process of being less you and more something not your like. You are swallowed by yourself, greedily devoured. You look in the mirror and with every day passing, your suspicion grows that this is indeed no longer you who is staring at the reflection. And once you realize that the weakness has claimed you, no matter how hard you claw, no matter how loud you cry, whatever it is that you lost, it won't come back to you. So you have to pay close attention. You have to anticipate the erosion's every movement to perhaps douse the flame before it catches fire and burns you down. People who say that you can overcome your fears by matters of therapy, talking about it... smack them, because they are telling you lies. If you really want to overcome your weakness, save yourself, you have to shoot the bastard dead, behead him, poison him, punch, kick, bite, run a sword through his skull. Anything. Don't ever grow weak, if you can help it. Don't let the weakness have the better of you, or else you die from the inside, you decay - and that is something anyone should be deadly afraid of. **That** is worth terror._

* * *

After the events of Loki being put on the active team, she withdrew. Up until now, no mission was assigned to them, even if the young woman believes that Fury just doesn't want to give them a new mission to make his point clear that he doesn't like this new situation. Not that she actually cares, though.

Loki's inner fight is a far deeper-reaching one. She asked herself this question over and over, even at the risk of sounding like a scratchy gramophone, but what is becoming of her? Since when is she that weak, really? She is actually working for her former enemy, well, no, that wouldn't be the worst of all. She collaborated with enemies before, the hell, she worked with Laufey to kick his ass, so who are we kidding?

Is it being SHIELD's whore? Possibly. _Definitely_ a part of it. Loki never liked to sell herself cheap, and that is just what she does. The fact that everyone congratulates her for finally being allowed to fight is only the totality to unite it all. Loki is crawling, creeping on the ground like a worm cut into two. And she used to stand tall, stand strong, above them all. She once was a _God_ , for goodness sake. Yet, here she is... fighting for what? Getting killed? For people she doesn't want to care for? And that she starts to actually care for them only proves her point: she's losing her edge. A while back, Loki didn't care, didn't care for whom she hurt or how many, even _that_ she did was not of her concern. And even if a part of her may have felt regret at this, the far greater part convinced her that even if the means were questionable, the goal was right: to be herself, and not to lose herself.

Then what is it? What is her poison, her kryptonite?

Thor? Well, honestly, he is the source. However, the true reason is a mixture of them both: to be the whore - and that not only in Thor's eyes, but also to an organization Thor is part of, above her, and thus... she is his whore, a slave, begging her master for attention. And even if she is having none of it, Loki catches herself seeking his reaction, glancing at him, seeking his brightly blue eyes, like one of those mindless maidens Thor always flirted with at the Aesir feasts and celebrations - the ones Loki hated with all her heart for their foolery.

But then realization dawns on the trickster that there is nothing that holds them together other than this, this concept, her new job, her _new life_. And then Loki just feels so utterly ashamed of herself for ever daring to waste a second of a thought on it, for she swore to hate this man till all worlds shall end, that she would just love to tear the whole world down. And still, still she didn't behead him, didn't scratch out his eyes, didn't design a scheme to not only humiliate him, but to cause him harm, pain, she didnt even fight him verbally much, so really, she lost something. She is losing everything. Whatever it is that she is becoming, Loki is, to say the least, terrified of what will stand at the end of this metamorphosis. But until she breaks out of that dark cocoon, she will knock and beat and claw against it. It may be a lost cause, but maybe she can prolong the moment of truth... because that is seemingly what her life is all about: _prolonging._

In order to release some of the tension and terror bubbling deep in her stomach, she made her way to the gym, now that Loki is finally allowed to, as Stark remarked the other day. She takes her stance in the middle of the room.

"JARVIS? Please, start program L Alpha 56," Loki tells the computer system that replies, "Yes, Miss Loki."

The room darkens and projections of different enemies appear (something that Loki actually gives Stark credit for, since this is a very useful gym that makes at least an effort of, well, creating real fighting conditions). Moments later, Chitauri, Goblin-like creatures, Firin, and soldiers roam around, wielding their weapons, smirking viciously. Loki flashes her devilish smile in satisfaction before she produces two disks of light she uses as knives before rushing ahead, swiftly slaying all monsters and enemies ahead of her, madly turning, twisting, throwing magic at each and everyone of them. Yet, this time one can actually see that certain tinge of desperation in her features. She needs this, needs this badly. Needs to feel the rush of blood, the rush of anger. Destruction. As more and more projections approach her, she suddenly hugs herself, keeping her head low, before releasing a blinding green light that destroys all enemies. Now she stands in the center of the room, panting, and not nearly satisfied in her anger.

"JARVIS, now program L Delta 5, full intensity," Loki gasps, her chest heaving agianst the exhaustion.

"Of course," Jarvis approces. This time Jotuns appear. The Frost Giants looming there with vicious smiles and blood-red eyes. Loki runs ahead, but this time just kicks and punches them.

"Why are you taking on Jotuns?" a familiar voice rings behind her. Thor stands at the gateway, watching the scene. Loki makes no gesture to acknowledge him, keeps her back to him as she snarls, " _Brother_ , it seems to surprise you that I do."

If only that man would just leave her alone. She doesn't want to see him, doesn't want to talk to him. Loki just wants to be left alone, be allowed to live this meaningless life she has left now. Be it that it's a meager excuse of a life, but it's still hers - and Thor threatens it, with his mere presence.

"It actually does," Thor grimaces.

"Because you think I regard them my kin. I see. No, I hate them as much as I hate any Aesir," Loki sneers. No, she hates them all. She hates, hates, hates!

"And taking on those projections helps?" Thor frowns.

"Why exactly are you here again? If it is just to question the nature of my hatred towards people of my kin... then I do not see the point... or is it about the weapons I designed?" Loki sighs.

"I just...," Thor bites his lower lip, but the words won't come out. Loki rolls her eyes, growing impatient, "Ugh... will you tell me now or are you too embarrassed?"

"I'm...," he bites his lower lip. The last thing she needed. Kicked puppies. Useless creatures, really.

"... I was surprised," Loki interrupts. If he won't start to talk, then so she will.

"By what?" Thor grimaces.

"That you actually spoke for me in front of Master Fury... or was it just the peer pressure you gave in to?" Loki exhales, though she tends to go with the latter option.

"No, I mean what I do. So I meant this also," Thor argues. "I think... this is a good idea. No matter who made it, it remains a good idea."

Loki maintains a calm voice as she speaks, "... then I thank you for that."

"... you're welcome," Thor grimaces. They are so hollow suddenly. Their words are. A while back, they could still share victory, share loss, pain, feelings, thoughts. But now? Now they already fail with the trivial things of life, with mere conversation. They became strangers to one another. And now they are bound by the rules of politeness. There is just empty space between them.

"... what else would you like to discuss, then? Or will you now lecture me once again that if I mess up, I will suffer your rage?" Loki huffs, to which Thor replies with a hint of sarcasm, "I think you know by now."

"Quite rightly so," Loki shakes her head. There is a longer pause until she dares to whisper, "How is Mother?"

"Now you ask?" Thor snorts. After all this time she asks? After all the pain and dread she caused this one person Loki claims to always care about? It makes Thor just so angry how the trickster treats even their Mother that way. The God of Mischief truly lives up to the name, causing nothing but mischief and dread - and doesn't even seem to care.

If she still had her edge, Loki would just kick him for that comment, but instead she uses her voice to articulate her anger, "You normally don't talk to me, or you yell at me. Excuse me for not asking when you wouldn't listen to me. You seem to listen now. So... how is Mother?"

"She is well," Thor sighs.

"Good," Loki hums softly. Frigga is the one person in Asgard she still bears somewhat affection. The Queen of Asgard was there for her in the darkest hours, at least the ones Loki let her know about. After all, the trickster didn't tell Frigga of all her pains and sorrows for good measure. It might be that she made her mother cry for many other things, but deep down Loki knows that she actually spared Frigga the greater pains - because Loki cares for her that deeply. To the God of Mischief, it's quite simple: if you love someone, really care for that person, you better keep away from him or her the greater pains. You give them some pain, to make sure they don't see the real dread pulling you down, but the great darkness is something you keep to yourself. And for Loki herself it seems especially true - if she really loves something, someone, she has to let go.

"She grieves the loss of her _son_." Thor snarls, purposely stressing the last word, which makes Loki smirk at him angrily, "I take it that they are not aware yet that I now am... _this_?"

Of course he had to bring this up, Loki thinks to herself. That dull oaf is just so predictable that it hurts.

"I didn't see the necessity to cause her further harm," Thor exhales. No, if Loki wants to cause their mother so much harm, then he will do anything to make sure that Frigga is not harmed any further if he can help it by any means.

 _"Right..._ just another load of shame. Now the Whore of Babylon of a son again...," Loki snorts.

"She misses her son," Thor tells her sadly. He can't remember how many hours Frigga spent crying and mourning Loki's loss - and Loki's scheme. Though it stays unspoken that Thor, too, missed his brother, but he knows, deep inside, that he already lost him, long time ago.

"Well, there is nothing much I can do about it. I am bound to this place, _literally,_ " Loki sighs, her chest heaving.

"Truly. But I hope you see that this is something you brought upon yourself," Thor shakes his head.

"Of course," Loki hisses with an air of sarcasm. That song is just so, so old.

"I mean that. You still give it a smile, though Mother is paining," Thor grits his teeth at the young woman. And that is what makes his chest clench in fury. Loki says she cares for Frigga, still, even at this moment, she dares to smirk at him so mischievously. Loki is simply incapable of sincerity, as it seems. A trickster after all.

"Thanks to me. I know all that," Loki huffs, waving her hands at him dismissively.

"And that is what I don't get. You care for Mother, still you...," Thor argues, but Loki interrupts with vehemence, "Still I smile? What else do I have left, Thor? I wept the loss in a long time, but then I figured that it won't bring me forward. So I started to act, which I do with this work here, apparently."

She hugs her arms against the cold spreading throughout her body, claiming her soul, swallowing her in one piece. She feels so weak, exposed, naked in the snow. Just when will this bastard of a man simply leave her be?!

"You could at least pay her some respect," Thor snarls, to which Loki replies angrily, "I pay her all the respect in the world. It is just that the dear Allfather decided that it would be best to banish me for what I have done."

"You think he did wrong at that?" Thor shakes his head. Loki should know that this was the punishment he deserved. It could have been worse, but still, Odin showed mercy.

"I think it doesn't matter what I think," Loki hisses. No, she _knows._ She knows that her opinion doesn't matter. Because _she_ doesn't matter.

"Now you try to gain pity again?" Thor huffs.

"I _never_ asked for it. It is just that you _assume_ such. If this causes pity in you, then this is hardly my fault," Loki sneers. There is a longer pause once again before Loki hums almost in a sing-song, "Does the Allfather make you report to him about me, I was wondering? Or doesn't he care at all?"

"He wishes to be informed about your actions," Thor confirms.

"I see. Sometimes I forget that you are my prison guard," Loki snarls. And isn't that epic irony? They are bound by the same prison, just that they are standing on opposing sides of the bars.

"You brought that upon yourself," Thor insists.

"Just as did you," Loki narrows her eyes at him.

"What now?" Thor blinks at her.

"You still don't see it, do you? Even after all this time... and people tell _me_ that I don't know what is right and what is wrong," Loki huffs. That man will never change, not by an inch. Thor just always thinks he is right. Holier-than-thou dull oaf!

"I was not the one who tried to take over Asgard, and then over Midgard," Thor retorts.

"Truly. That was me. But it was _you_ who broke loose a war with the Jotun," Loki argues.

"Upon _your_ ruse," Thor insists, but that only gets her anger flaring again, "Yes, a _ruse_. And still, this ruse pushed you over the edge so far that you declared war to an entire race, against what the Allfather had told you, against what anyone in Asgard knew was the right thing to do! The Warrior Three, Lady Sif, and I, we all told you that this would mean to defy the Allfather and that it is a reckless thing. No, more than that, actually, _suicide_ for the Aesir race! And still, you wanted to go ahead and slay the Jotuns for trying to steal the Tesseract, _unsuccessfully."_

"You taunted me to go," Thor retorts.

"Thor, by Odin's beard, even if I had not said a word, you would have gone," Loki huffs.

"Again, it was you who started this," Thor argues vehemently.

"And you would have gone if they had genuinely found a way, too. That I let them in, well, that was _their_ luck, but believe me when I say... they have their ways, and they had them ever before I dealt around with them," Loki sneers. She spent some time studying her own race - and by now Loki knows that they really have to be her real kin, after all, she had to get the mischief from somewhere. They are sneaky creatures who learned to wait, are so frugal that they can endure eons of ice and snow to seek the right opportunity to rise again. Truly, the cold blood runs through her veins.

"Ever so. What does that change now?" Thor shakes his head, to which Loki spats, " _Everything_ , obviously. You went to Jotunheimr, with the Warrior Three, Lady Sif, and, by the time, the other crown prince. You risked the best warriors and heirs to the throne for a simple act of revenge."

"And you tried to seize the throne, tricked us, almost killed the Allfather, brought about the destruction of the Bifröst, and then came back to go havoc to Midgard by allying with the Chitauri," Thor retorts.

"You would have slain the entire Jotun race if the Allfather had not intervened," Loki huffs.

"So?" Thor blinks at her, to which she replies with a dread-filled voice, "What did he say about it to Laufey? _The actions of a boy_ – and that is what he took it for. Something simple, something easily forgivable. You took so many lives with us that day, Thor. We have destroyed so much more in Jotunheimr than I ever did in my fit of rage here on Earth."

"Father banished me to Earth also," Thor argues, but Loki retorts crossly, "For how long, you tell me? A few days, Thor. _Days._ And he always had the intention to bring you back. Even though you risked entire Asgard with your actions, even if that meant breaking a war loose the Allfather had won only at high costs. Oh, and I know, for I was there, that in the bottom of his heart, he just wanted you to learn your lesson, learn humbleness, modesty. And once you did, he wanted to bring you back. That I intervened was of course... an unlucky coincidence, so to speak. But in truth, the banishment was only to make you learn a lesson, no more, no less."

"So what?" Thor grimaces, which only upsets Loki further to the point that she curses, "How long am I here, Thor? _Months_ already. Almost a year now! And not once did he visit, not once has he given me a chance to redeem myself. He just threw me into prison before eventually sending me into banishment, because he couldn't bear me anymore. And that for actions that cost no one's life. So really, is it so far worse what I did? All the lives you took against the ones I didn't take? I can do whatever I want, the Allfather will never lift my banishment. _That_ is the difference."

"Loki...," Thor sighs, but Loki is having none of it, "Even the Avengers trust me now. They accept that I redeem myself, but to the Allfather none of this seems to matter. And neither does it to you."

"You tried to take over Asgard," Thor argues. Loki tried to take over their _home._

"At what price? No one died. My plan never involved that either," Loki retorts.

"Don't twist the truth," Thor hisses. Loki blinks at him. He can't be serious, can he?

"Twist it?! _Twist it_!" she cries out, her voice an octave higher. "The only ones twisting it are you people! Why is it an act of a boy when you do it – and felony when I do it!? _That_ is the striking difference, Thor! That is the most basic difference in it all! That it was _me_ who did this! If it had been you, you would be back in Asgard now! They would welcome you back with open arms, a feast! But for as long as it's me, it remains a capital crime that justifies eternal punishment!"

"That is not true," Thor shakes his head.

"It is true. It is!" Loki curses, her chest heaving. That he won't see it, even after all this time!

"Father loves you," Thor says. And Loki fears for a moment that she might faint. How dare he say that?! How can Thor actually think that - after all Odin's done to her?

"He love _d_ me, perhaps, but now no longer!" Loki hisses her voice full of anguish and pain. No, truly, Odin is no longer the man who held Loki's tiny hand as a child as they walked through the gardens, who played with him, read stories to him, gave him books, took him on his lap and told him in a hushed little voice that this might be his kingdom one day. No, when Loki thinks of the Allfather today, she just sees an old man who took her children from her, left her in blood and tears, someone who punished her for being of different blood, drawing the line of heritage, a man who banished her, doomed her, someone who stood before the trickster and muttered that this was his destiny after all.

"And why do you think that is?!" Thor huffs, not even remotely understanding Loki's pain, the dull oaf!

"Because I am not his son! I'm not even his child! I never was and won't ever be! He hates me! And I hate him!" Loki growls, her voice shaking with dread and sadness.

"He does not...," Thor means to say, but Loki interrupts, riled, "Oh yes he does! He hates me! You hate me! All people of Asgard, deep down, hate me! The only one bearing me somewhat affection is Mother! Everyone else hates me – and believe me: I hate them just as much. I hate so much, Thor. You can't even imagine. I hate Asgard to its very core, just as I hate Jotunheimr to its core... just as Earth for being my last sanctuary! I hate all this!"

"Then why do you fight for it?" Thor asks.

"You wouldn't understand anyways," Loki snarls dismissively, but that gets Thor's anger flaring also, "Try me for once!"

Really, he hates it that Loki, ever since, won't take him seriously. Because, to Thor, that's what Loki's lies are all about. The trickster thinks Thor wouldn't understand anyways, or couldn't deal with the truth. If only Loki finally understood that Thor can and wants to - then she could finally stop lying to him.

"So that you can stand there in shine and glory to tell me that I am wrong?!" she snarls resentfully. "No, I won't. I am humiliated enough, Thor. I was stripped of my powers, I was stripped of myself and now I am no more than a shadow. I am a shadow of myself – and the only reason why I hold on to this shadow... I do not even know! I just do! Perhaps it's madness! Perhaps it's desperation! But something keeps me fighting for my last sanctuary, as much as I hate it! Maybe it is just that – I can only feel hate, so hate is the only thing I can hold on to. What do I have more than my hatred, huh?! I can only live for just that, _hate_!"

"And perhaps that is why Father won't lift your banishment – because you still hold on to the hatred!" Thor argues indignantly.

"What else do I have left?" Loki cries out.

"If you do not know, then...," Thor shakes his head, but Loki is having none of it, "Oh, save your breath, Thor. I am just a woman of hate now. I have nothing else. And I once did."

"Right, and then you gave it up," Thor retorts.

"You still don't see it... you won't ever," she shakes her head, a part of her still not believing it. Can someone be that blind, really?

How can someone have such bright eyes, so open for the world beyond, and still not see a single thing when it is right in front of him?

She means to walk past him, but as she comes abreast with Thor, he says, "You brought that upon yourself."

"Go to Hel, Brother!" Loki snarls, gritting her teeth at him. She means to walk on, but he stops her, again.

"Loki, now wait!" Thor says now almost soothingly. And that's it. Loki can take many things. Accusations, comments, criticism, but not this tone. Not this mocking affection for a brother she knows she is no longer to him, if she ever was. How dare he use that tone on her?!

Loki whips her head around and stops, though she won't look at him. Her raven curls falling over her eyes as she curses with venom in her voice, "No, I have waited long enough – I waited all this time. All these months I waited for you to say something, but you said nothing at all. Ignored me. Left me behind. Brother, whatever happens to me – it does not matter to you, so stop acting like it."

"I am here to watch out for you," Thor insists, to which she lets out a hollow laughter, "You are here to _watch_ me. There is a difference in that. You report to the Allfather to make sure that I don't go havoc again. It is not because of care for me. It is just because you all still fear my rage to come upon you."

"That is not true!" Thor argues vehemently.

"Try to make yourself believe that, Thor," Loki hisses. "You could ask the Allfather, I think he wouldn't even deny it. You are my prison guard, no more... no less..."

"You make yourself believe that!" Thor spats. Loki suddenly turns. Much to Thor's surprise, tears are in her eyes, a rare sight. She blinks at him, her voice quivering so badly that it hurts her throat, "Do I? Do I really?! I am at my rock-bottom ever since on Earth. I crawl back to the people who wanted me dead, Thor! _Dead!_ Don't you see that I literally sold myself to them, like a damn whore?!"

He glances at her with huge eyes, for the first time seemingly taking on this perspective. Thor never gave it much of a thought, but it's true. It must have been an unmeasurable load on Loki to go back to those people who wanted her dead once and demand shelter, by setting up a contract that almost nullified all her personal rights. In a sick sense... she really was prostituting herself in the beginning of this cooperation. The matters are changed now, because she is accepted within the group and has freedoms, but the step to go there... it must have been torture for Loki to really prostitute herself like that, Thor has to admit.

Loki glances back at him, and she can tell what is going through his head - _realization_ , a very rare instant when it comes to Thor. The thing about the God of Thunder is that, seemingly, he can only realize things once it's too late already. He sees a ruse only once Laufey is already declaring war. Only sees Loki's scheme once his friends tell him. Apologizes to Loki only once he is a pathetic human. Only sees that Loki means it when he rammed the dagger into his side. Or when he let himself fall into the abyss. And now again, it just comes all too late. That he sees what he let happen to her, being a whore to everyone... it's just too late.

"So here I am, at my worst, and still... you all just come to kick me down again and again – rather than picking me up, offering me a hand. And normally this wouldn't bother me. By the Gods, I wouldn't give a damn!" she grits her white teeth, throwing her hands up in the air in exasperation.

"I would send you to Hel and would move on! But I can't! I just can't move on!" Loki cries out, desperation welling up inside of her.

"Why?" Thor asks.

"Because you are here!" Loki growls in absolute dread. She rips at her hair desperately, teeth bared, looking more like a caged animal than a woman.

"You are here!" she breathes, her body shaking so badly that her voice vibrates with it. "You are the painful reminder to me that truly no one cares about me anymore! That even those who..."

Her voice dies from the tears building up inside her throat. Thor gapes, he never saw Loki that desperate, never so desperate, hurt. Normally Loki's voice never fails him... or _her_. That it does now just shows how much she means it. She is in pain. She is suffering. And all just seems to well up.

She clasps her chest, trying to regain her breath. Thor means to step towards her, almost pathetically trying to offer her comfort in such a situation, but she holds up her hand to keep him away, "That those who once cared for me, loved me... and whom I cared for and loved... turned their backs on me, do no longer care for whether I'm dead or alive, whether I crawl on a rim, dangling by my fingertips, drawing blood, short before falling into oblivion, or already fell!"

"Loki, that is...," Thor stammers helplessly, but Loki interrupts, gritting her teeth at him, "I am no social person, I never was, and that is what protected me from this here most of the time. And by the Gods, I wish it had me protected from caring and loving you and your family! I curse the day I let you close, for that is the day I doomed myself!"

Thor just glances at her, numbly.

"... but now, here we are and... The few people I cared for turned their backs on me – and you have the effrontery to tell me that the same people still bear me affection, and that an honest plea of apology would redeem me!?" she cries out. "How dare you?! How dare you say that after all that's happened?! _Yes,_ I did bring that upon myself – and _yes,_ I do deserve punishment for my actions! Even I see that! But does that justify _this_?!"

She clasps her chest again, the pain visible in her features, as though every breath was a seething fire. Thor intends to say something, but the closes his mouth again, bowing his head. He confines himself to silence.

Just what Loki thought. The game is still the same, and so is the loss.

"Just what I thought. Even now you are too much of a coward to admit it," she hisses in a low voice. Loki stands there for agonizing seconds in which Thor is too afraid to face her.

"For the both of us: Just stay away from me. Don't talk to me," Loki says icily.

"But...," Thor means to argue, but Loki interrupts him harshly, "No, stop it! Isn't it enough humiliation that you bring me to cry?! I think it is! I _know_ it is! I hate you, Thor Odinson, I hate you and what you stand for! I hate every fiber of your being! And I hate myself for ever having cared for you the way I did! For having l... loved you. You are no longer my brother! And I think at some point you never were!"

With that she goes outside, leaving a petrified Thor to his own thoughts.

Two losers.


	10. Crossed Boundaries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki is on the roof. 
> 
> Bruce tries to prevent her from doing something stupid.

_Everyone seems to have a natural sense for boundaries. Boundaries are a fine, neat tool. They come in helpful to organize one's life, the world, or at least one's picture of it. You draw a line. And then another. It's as easy as making one step. You draw a line and that line then becomes a border. Suddenly, the plane, the state, the object is divided into two. And if you draw another that runs across the first, there you have four spaces, and even more boundaries. That is the simplest side to the world of boundaries, the world we call our own. We put up fences, build walls, houses, we install white-picked fences and rose gardens to mark our property, and in that regard we are not far different from a dog setting his territory with lifting his leg at some tree. We draw those lines because... well... why exactly? To protect our property, set our property, claim a stake. It sounds good, but couldn't be further from the truth. We put up fences to keep others out, because we are just too damn afraid of allowing people close, **really** close. Boundaries are insofar a neat tool as they give us not only the means to shut ourselves out from the rest of the world, but also to have a rationally sounding explanation for why we do it, so that we are not confronted with the truth that we are just too afraid of the world itself. Well, and even if one dares to step atop of one's own personal boundaries... it's still a hard decision to actually make the leap, because most of us are likely to forget that our boundaries do not just come with a line drawn, but include a castle ditch leading right into the abyss._

* * *

Bruce is on his way to the roof of the building. He likes to go there when he can't find a solution to his problems. He can think clearer with no walls surrounding him. The doctor figures that the Hulk is actually the one pushing for it. After all, that guy doesn't like being put into tiny cubicles, but even if that is his green anger monster calling, it's a good call, because Bruce likes it, too. He walks through the gate, but is surprised to see Loki standing on the edge of the roof, her body dangerously leaning over the rim. He quickly makes his way up to her, but keeps a safe distance.

"Hey, Loki... I didn't expect you here," he says, trying to keep his voice as calm and casual as possible. He is afraid that any rash movement or loud tone might make her jump. Loki looks at him once, flashing a fake smile, before her emeralds trail off to the ground below once again.

"... I didn't expect you either," Loki hums in a sing-song, her voice no more than a whisper.

"I actually come here... to think, you know?" Bruce says, carefully selecting his words.

"Yeah... all seems clearer once you visualize the world beneath you as tiny as it is...," Loki hums, looking down again, attracted to the edge like a moth to the light.

"Yeah, then all trouble seems so far away all of a sudden," Bruce agrees nervously. Loki leans even more over the edge. Darn, if there is a workshop of how to deal with suicidal Asgardians... Bruce is hereby enrolling for it, _right now_.

"Uhm, hey, how about we talk about those construction plans you gave Tony and me? We would love to...," Bruce hastily goes on, but Loki interrupts him, "I fear I will not be good company now. I am not in the best of dispositions."

"Hey, everyone has a bad day once in a while," Bruce assures her.

"I fear I might have a bad _lifetime_ in a while now," Loki huffs.

"Why?" Bruce stammers.

"Oh, not because of you if that is what you fear... it has actually... nothing to do with you or the Avengers," she whispers.

"SHIELD?" Bruce goes on.

"Possible...," Loki shrugs. She cranes her neck further, as though that would grant her much of a better view. Bruce has to try very hard not to just leap forward to get to her, because he knows this will possibly make her fall down for real. And even if he is sure that the Hulk would actually take over... if the transformation takes just a bit too long or she uses her magic to keep him from it... Loki might still carry out her goal. And that can't be happening!

"Then... Thor?" Bruce grimaces. Loki says nothing, just glances ahead.

That is when the gate opens and Natasha steps outside. She means to say something to the doctor, but Bruce makes a quick move of the hand for her to stay there. She gets the hint and keeps her stance, realizing how dangerously close Loki is standing to the edge. Well... _shit_?

"Did you two argue?" Bruce questions her, hoping that keeping up conversation actually helps.

"The more productive question would be when we don't," Loki snorts.

"I suppose you don't want to talk about that?" Bruce makes a face.

"Then you suppose right," Loki hums. She leans, if even possible, more over the edge.

"Hey, uhm, how about you come down from the edge a bit? It's making me dizzy watching you there," Bruce tries to bargain, but Loki replies simply, "You may also leave if I'm causing you discomfort, Doctor Banner."

"No, no, I'm just afraid you might trip," Bruce holds up his hands nervously.

"Doctor, I think it is quite clear that I stand here for a purpose," Loki scolds him before her eyes drift off again. "Though I don't know if I will yet..."

She starts to walk along the edge, almost dancing. Bruce really has to fight any urge to not just grab her and yank her off that damn edge.

"Please, at least no dancing around," he covers his eyes for a second. Loki stops dead in her tracks, leaning over the edge again, like a kid does when it catches something of its interest.

"Why are you thinking about this?" Bruce asks her.

"Because I am this," Loki says, pointing at her tear-stricken face.

"Well, you are upset. Why?" Bruce questions in a soft voice.

"It's not about _why_ I am upset. It's about what that makes me. Pathetic. Absolutely pathetic," Loki grits her teeth.

"Everyone feels down once in a while, really. That's normal," Bruce assures her.

"No... this here... the reason for me being upset... it made me realize just what I have become," Loki shakes her head.

"And what is that?" Bruce asks her.

"Pathetic. So pathetic that I cry over an argument and that I stand here now on the edge to take my life because I can't take any more. I am a shadow of my former self," she cries out, cries it to the abyss below.

Isn't that all too familiar?

"Well, frankly, I like the new you quite a lot," Bruce tells her.

"That is not what I am talking about. I used to be a _God_ , Doctor Banner. I used to have power, respect. When I entered a room... everyone looked up to me, everyone bowed their heads, if only just slightly. People knew my name and they feared its tone. I was the boot, rather than the ant. I was someone who mattered," Loki grits her teeth.

But that's all over now. It was over the latest when entire Asgard watched as Odin decided on Loki's banishment, and all just laughed at the trickster that he finally got what he deserved, snickered as he was led away in cuffs, in shame. That Loki walked on with a smile was just so that the trickster didn't go down in tears - because the God of Mischief knew that this was the end, that it was over the moment Odin passed his judgement.

"You are still powerful, and we all respect you – and now not because we fear you, but because we appreciate you. Isn't that worth more?" Bruce argues.

"Back then this was what lent me strength. I always was a social outcast, because I am different in more than one way, obviously. But at least I had my strength and my power... but here I am and... I am that little pathetic thing, the ant of an ant," Loki shakes her head.

She is one of those specters of color below her. She is that tiny. She grew to be one, she shrunk to be one. Why doesn't she just go to where she belongs, to that tiny universe below?

"Perhaps you just need more time to accustom to that," Bruce makes a face.

"I have no longer a reason to live, you see?" Loki argues.

"Why?" Bruce asks her, taken back by her admission.

"I lost it," she shrugs simply. "Before... it was for myself. I lived for myself. And that myself sought my family's approval. Foolishly. I lived for them... but here I am, far away from all this... and my former father banished me in hatred, my mother is out of reach... and my brother hates me with all his heart. I lost it all."

"Thor doesn't...," Bruce means to argue, but Loki interrupts him, "Doctor Banner, I politely ask you not to touch that topic. That is a battle you will lose."

"Okay, okay. Sorry," Bruce holds up his hands in surrender. "Either way... But even if you... lost your family... you still have yourself."

Yet, Loki shakes her head vehemently, "I don't. I am no more than a shadow. What am I? I... I once stood strong. I would have died before selling my dignity. And here I am and purposely got me into a prison and am obediently at the service of people. I serve what I meant to destroy not long ago. Whatever I once believed in, whatever I once had faith in... I have it no longer. So... I have nothing to hold on to. Even craving my family's affection once again won't work. It will never. So... I have nothing worth fighting for anymore."

"What about your work here?" Bruce asks, clutching at any straw he can find.

"Even if I enjoy it and even if I think of you all very highly... this does not define me. This is nothing that would make me hold on to life... and the more I think about it... if that is all I have left in life... then...," she leans even more over the edge, so Bruce quickly jumps in, "Wh, what about us?"

Okay, _definitely_ the last straw here.

"You?" Loki frowns.

"I know that we don't know each other that long, but... perhaps you see that what we do, as the Avengers, is greater than ourselves. We protect more people than ourselves. And especially with your knowledge we get the chance to do so much more... maybe... maybe that's enough, for now? Until you... I don't know, find another reason?" Bruce offers.

"You are tempting me, Doctor Banner," Loki hums.

"Good," the doctor flashes a brief, uncertain smirk. He has to tempt her, as it seems.

"Not really," Loki sighs. "I shouldn't waver. Isn't that just showing how truly pathetic this is? How pathetic I am? I even waver in this resolution."

And Loki didn't the last time she fell into an abyss. She truly grew weak.

"Because you know that there is still something worth holding on to, even if you don't know what... there is. You just have to give it a bit more time to figure it out," Bruce tells her.

"All too tempting, all too sweet in my ears," Loki says in a sing-song once again.

"Loki, please. Don't do this. Okay? Not out of the moment. Look. I have been where you are. I have been just in that spot. I tried to kill myself also. I had a gun in my mouth and wanted to shoot my brains out. But the Hulk didn't let me. And I didn't try since," Bruce tells her. Loki tilts her head at him curiously, "Do you regret it?"

"That I didn't follow through with it?" Bruce asks. Loki nods, so Bruce goes on to explain, "There are days when I do... but most days I am actually glad that the Hulk kept me from it."

"Hm... it still seems so tempting, this silence," she grimaces. Yes, this all-engulfing, all-consuming silence is about the best offer she received in ages. At some point Loki just wants to go back to that moment she let herself fall into the abyss after she forced the breakdown of the Bifröst. From the moment on she let go and until she woke up with the Chitauri. In between... this silence was just so beautiful, so absolute, wonderful, it was pure bliss, a brief taste of heaven on her tongue that then turned bitter again, but doesn't that make the taste before ever so sweet?

"Loki, please. You are a friend of mine. I don't want to lose you," Bruce tells her in all honesty.

"That is kind of you to say," Loki sighs.

"I mean it, though," Bruce insists.

"I believe you that," Loki assures him.

"Look, I see that you try to redeem yourself and make up for your past actions – and you are doing one hell of a job at it. But don't give that up just because you feel down now. Please, don't throw all the efforts you've made up until now away for... for _this_." Bruce argues vehemently. He won't give up, that much is for sure.

"You always end your life for this. That is what it always comes down to, Doctor. Whether you have a gun in your mouth or seek to jump off a building... the goal remains the same," Loki argues.

"You say you have nothing, well, then don't end your life for nothing," Bruce replies. At that she actually turns to glance at him - her eyes much fuller with... life, is it? Bruce almost jumps in glee at the realization that he seemingly finally managed to break through to her in some way, so he carries on quickly, "I get it that this must be damn tempting right now and that you would rather just throw it all away, but... but you say that you lost something, well, maybe you regain it if you give it a bit more time, or at least... find something else."

"I don't know," she exhales.

"You should have that much self-worth, Loki. You deserve to live and to die for something," Bruce tells her. She bites her lip, glancing to the side. Sadly, this is about the nicest thing she ever heard in her entire life. Still, pathetic, but at some point, Loki stops to care, for only just a touch of kindness caressing her pained soul.

"But for that you have to give life a try, even if it's shit now," Bruce argues.

"Right now I just feel shame," Loki bites her lower lip. To let a mortal comfort her like that. Actually consider... maybe Laufey was right with leaving Loki in that temple after all. Loki is just such a weak creature...

"No shame in any of this, Loki. Trust me," Bruce assures her quickly. "I know how that is like, but really... there is no shame in this. You just have to stop. You can stop. You can just come back down and this is over. You can, you just have to... want to."

Loki smirks whilst she wipes a tear from her cheek, "I'm really good at giving bad impressions."

"No one will learn about this, trust me. This is just between you and me," Bruce reassures her. "Just come off that edge – and not the other way around. C'mon. You are the only one I consider quite sane in the brain. Tony will make me lose my head if I don't have you to keep him grounded."

"You should perhaps start to hit him," Loki suggests, managing the faintest of smiles.

"We could try that," Bruce smirks at her. Loki turns on the heel painfully slow, visibly considering to pull back over and just fall, but then she finally makes a step towards Bruce and off the edge. Bruce sends silent prayers to all scientists (after all, he remains a scientist himself).

"Thank you," Bruce lets a sigh of relief.

"You thank me? That is an odd thing to do, don't you think?" Loki knits her eyebrows at the man.

"I'm just glad you didn't make me choose a new lab partner. Those are so hard to find," Bruce smiles at her encouragingly.

"Aha," Loki tilts her head.

"So... what would you like to do now?" Bruce asks her.

"I suppose I would do good at distracting myself," Loki grimaces.

"Chess?" Bruce offers, to which she replies politely, "That would be wonderful."

"Then how about we go inside?" Bruce smiles at her, holding out his hand to Loki. She takes it with the slightest of smiles on her lips. Together they make their way inside.

Natasha stays hidden behind one of the pillars, still staring at what just happened. She didn't think that Loki was really that... _broken_. It's true what they say, sometimes it's really hard shell, soft core.

And it doesn't take much to break that shell and throw it into the abyss.


	11. Strawberries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bruce takes it upon himself to watch out for Loki. 
> 
> They talk about strawberries, among other things.

After the events of the other day, Bruce is sitting with Loki in the kitchen. The doctor is reading the newspaper while Loki sits in front of the bowl of fruit.

"Are you Asgardians able to digest food by just staring at it?" Bruce asks casually, not looking up from the newspaper.

"What?" Loki frowns, dazed.

"Well, maybe you know some magic trick, but as for us... we have to actually _swallow_ the food we wanna eat. And you are just staring at your breakfast. I'm just wondering if you have some other magical way to get nutrients into your system," Bruce smirks at her warmly.

"No, we have to eat the normal way," Loki grins sheepishly.

Bruce, a bit like a father would, thus says, "Then... eat up."

"Do I see it right that you have taken it upon yourself to take care of me? After I wanted to see whether I grow wings once I fall?" Loki asks silently. She is not blind. She knows when she is being watched. When you are for almost all your life, you simply know.

"In fact," Bruce nods. He is rather honest to her. It might be just what she needs. A bit of truth to hold on to.

There is no point in denying that, Loki knows anyway. She understands that she set off the alarm for her actions on the roof. That just seems to be her style.

"I can assure you, though, that I won't do it again. It was... out of the heat of the moment," Loki argues.

"That's good to know," Bruce shrugs casually.

"I meant to imply that...," Loki exhales, but Bruce interrupts her with a wink, "I got the implication, Loki."

"Then I don't see why you make it your personal obligation to watch out for that," Loki argues.

"I don't play your watchdog to see if you do it again and keep you from it, I mean... I kinda do, but foremost, I wanna make sure you're getting better again. And a good breakfast is a good start," Bruce tells her. Where is the point in watching someone when you can also make sure that they no longer have a reason to stand on a rooftop, right?

"That is very kind of you, Doctor, but it is not your obligation. Just because you caught me in the act doesn't make it your responsibility," Loki replies, but Bruce says directly, "No, but that we are friends."

Loki almost drops the fork this time, dumbstruck.

"What? So surprised that I dare to think of you that way?" Bruce smirks sarcastically.

"... in a certain way," she stammers.

"And what way is that?" Bruce frowns, realizing that she is actually... sincere in her surprise.

"... that you actually see that in me," she admits. "It's been... long... since I last had someone who considered me such. I was more of the social outcast, actually."

"How's that? I mean... you used to be Asgardian royal and all," Bruce frowns. He gets it that Loki is a very special kind of character one really has to learn to get along with, but at some point he thought that people paid her at least the due respect as one of the royals.

"One more reason not to like me for my pun, scorn... oh, and that I messed with all of them, whenever the occasion allowed," she huffs. It is what you expect of a misfit after all. So why bother to give another impression? Sometimes it's really easier to meet expectations - for as long as they are about your faults and mistakes.

"And why not befriend people other than the royals then?" Bruce questions curiously, because that is what he would have done in that situation.

"Very strong codex. One does not befriend those of the lower ranks... even if I did try. Yet, they just never liked me, not even as a child," Loki shrugs.

"Yeah, kids can be horrible, especially to the nerds," Bruce nods, speaking from experience.

"I got back at them. Made fire under their little butts, quite literally so," she snickers viciously.

"Really? That's awful!" Bruce can't help but chuckle.

"It didn't _burn_ them. It was just, well... a little _warm,_ " Loki grins. Bruce smirks back at her, but then Loki admits more honestly, "So... I am surprised that you seemingly have such a high opinion of me to call me your friend, because I take it that you don't call someone your friend quite easily."

"Definitely not. I'm very picky," Bruce confirms with a smile.

"You call Master Stark also your friend. How did _that_ happen?" Loki shoots back sarcastically.

"That... I ask myself. I guess he's just so nuts that he kinda grows on you," Bruce grimaces.

"Yeah, like a dog chasing his tail, thinking that he'll actually catch it," Loki rolls her eyes.

"Yeah," Bruce chuckles.

"Either way... I thank you for... finding me worthy of your friendship," Loki says softly, allowing emotion to show.

"You're more than just welcome," he winks at her. "And what about you?"

"Me?" she frowns.

"Do you consider me your friend also?" he asks.

"Well, I didn't think I could dare to, but... I'd like that, a lot," Loki admits.

"Great, then this is settled," Bruce smirks at her.

"... okay," Loki tilts her head.

She never thought that making friends... could be that easy.

"So, as your friend... eat up, please," Bruce smirks. She smiles sweetly at him before taking the first mouthful of the fruit. Bruce can't help but smile with her – and notice just how beautiful her smile is, and how... warm, actually. She normally has the reputation of the Ice Queen, of the girl who is farouche, aloof, tough as steel but cold as ice. Yet, her smile brings out the real side of hers, the one that is caring and highly emotional, sweet, nice, polite. Just... a normal girl who wants nothing more but a place in the world.

"There you go," Bruce chuckles.

"I actually start to take a liking to Midgardian fruit," Loki smirks.

"Don't they have that in Asgard?" Bruce frowns. From the descriptions Thor offered so far they have everything plentifully, in masses, and the rest is made of gold and diamonds.

Loki waggles her fork around mindfully as she says, "Oh, we do, plentifully, but not so much those that are labeled as ' _tropical_ ' – because of the rather humid weather in Asgard. I like those."

"Exquisite taste, it is, then," Bruce snickers. She takes another mouthful and says between the mouthful of fruit, "It's really good."

"That's a strawberry," he grins. "Those aren't tropical, by the way."

"And they aren't fruit either," Loki argues, after she swallowed.

"Huh?" Bruce frowns at her.

"Strawberries are collective nut fruit," she explains, slowing down a bit when she says the term she read, nodding her head lightly. She points at the strawberry on her fork, "This here?"

Loki glances upwards as she recalls the information from her studies, "This part of the fruit is the _receptacle_. And those 'seeds' are the _achenes_. Strawberries aren't fruit. They are nuts. I like them for that. They are a bit like me, thinking about it. I seem to be Aesir, though I am not. Everyone mistakes me for an Aesir, though I'm actually... a Jotun. When I'm supposed to be fruit, I'm a nut."

She plops the strawberry into her mouth with a smirk. He chuckles to himself. Yeah, she really is just that. She is not what all people think she is... and is still sweet.

"Yeah, you're really like a strawberry, thinking about it," Bruce grins at her. She wiggles an eyebrow at him, taking another mouthful. Bruce shakes his head with a playful smile before he returns to his newspaper. They continue in silence as suddenly the door opens and Thor, along with Clint and Steve enter. The two humans are busy making conversation. Thor's eyes almost seem to pop out of their sockets as they fall on Loki. She quickly bows her head, one hand on her forehead so that her raven hair covers her face, dropping the fork into the bowl of fruit. Bruce immediately straightens up.

"Morning, you two," Steve greets them.

"Morning," Bruce says, hiding his grimace behind the newspaper.

"You're early today, huh?" Steve smirks.

"Well, we both enjoy the silence before Tony comes in to munch his cereal as though he had a loudspeaker in his mouth," Bruce jokes.

"Yeah, that ain't pretty," Steve agrees. "I give you that."

Bruce glances over at Loki, who is still visibly distressed. Thor turns to the fridge to take out some items. Loki dares to glance up to doctor, now with almost pleading eyes that scream "Help me". Bruce takes the cue and folds up his newspaper, "Loki? We wanted to work on the transistor-module, right?"

"Yes, yes," she stammers.

"Then let's go. Take your breakfast with you. This is gonna be a long day in the lab," Bruce tells her. Loki takes up the bowl and they go for the door.

"Have a good day, guys!" he waves at the others.

"You, too," Steve nods. With that the two leave the kitchen. As they are walking down, Loki grasps Bruce's arm, "Thank you so much."

"It's nothing," Bruce smiles, patting her hand with a welcoming smile.

"I'm normally not like that, I assure you," Loki tells him. He must think that she is really just a ridiculous hen.

"Yeah, we saw you as the world conqueror before, I know you're more than that," Bruce winks at her.

"I just didn't expect, well... of course I expected to see him. He lives here also," Loki shakes her head. It's just so stupid...

"Expecting and experiencing something are two very different animals," Bruce smiles at her warmly.

"Truly," Loki sighs.

"Well, I'm here. I can always get you to the lab somehow," Bruce winks at her.

"Bruce?" Loki asks in a hushed voice. He glances at her.

"Thank you," she says in a soft voice.

"That's what friends are for," he smiles at her.

"Good to know," Loki nods.

She has a friend.

Just like that.

A friend who protects her and makes her eat.

Is friendship really that easy? That close within her reach?

And so they continue with their way to the lab, their sweet escape.


	12. The Importance of Shopping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pepper and Natasha talk. 
> 
> Pepper has an idea. 
> 
> Loki is forced into a shopping trip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I know this might be a bit cliché... no, I know it is (girls do shopping to compensate stuf, blah, blah, blaaaaah) but I just want my Loki to be cheered up again, and then... you go the old-fashioned ways. 
> 
> At the same time, I was in dire need of some girl-bonding.

Natasha and Pepper are having a coffee together in the lounge. The two developed a great friendship over the past months. With Pepper as the only other woman around, well except for Loki, but that was later on, Natasha couldn't deny she enjoyed at least one other female company. And she keeps Stark at bay, for that you just have to love Pepper, simple as that.

"... so? How are things standing with Loki now on the team?" Pepper asks, sipping her coffee.

"Huh?" Natasha blinks at her.

"Well, Tony's been all over it how... _she_... is on the team now, _active_ team?" Pepper grimaces.

"Still trouble with the gender swap?" Natasha smirks.

"Well, I'm open to most things, but last time I remember... she was a he trying to take over the world, hurting my boyfriend," Pepper admits.

"Sadly true," Natasha sighs.

"Well, ever since Loki came here... I didn't get to see much of her, you know? And I don't think she'd want to either. Though Tony seems to like her," Pepper sighs, leaning back a little.

"Yeah, he does, a lot," Natasha snorts.

"More than he admits anyway. He squealed like a small child when she agreed to help him with one of the converters coz he was just stuck. He said he was that close from hugging her, but then she glared at him and he knew he'd lose more than a hand if he tried," she chuckles.

"Yeah... that's true," Natasha grimaces. At least she can picture it to happen just that way.

"And you?" Pepper asks curiously.

"Me?" Natasha frowns at the other woman.

"Well, do you like her?" Pepper asks.

"... I think so," she shrugs.

"Wow, that means a lot coming from you," Pepper laughs, sticking out her tongue.

"What now?" Natasha snorts playfully.

"You take your time liking people," Pepper shrugs.

"True again," Natasha shrugs. There is no way to deny it, really. She has a hard time trusting people. And to Natasha, a friendship can only develop once you trust that person, so making friends is even more difficult, because you have to build up the bond of trust first.

"Tony says Bruce is all over her... I think he's just jealous that he's spending more time with her than him...," Pepper snickers, and Natasha can only agree, "They are what you could call best friends, really. She is very, very, _very_ intelligent. I mean, it's one thing if you can pull a trick, but she knows so many things... it's mad. And that is of course something Bruce can identify with. Plus, she's analytic and... he seems to really appreciate her sometimes _morbid_ humor... They found their vibe."

"It's good that she has someone in the team, isn't it?" Pepper smiles softly.

"Yeah, I mean... even Clint accepted her by now, after she saved his life. And that is essential for the work we do. We have to work together, not against each other," Natasha nods. Even if Clint doesn't talk to her much, they reached a level of mutual understanding. He seemingly forgave her for taking over his mind back when she cam to earth for the first time - and Loki is very respectful towards him... most of the time, and that is more than one could expect from her.

"Yeah, I know what you mean," Pepper wants to say, but then she looks at Natasha with concern. "Hey, are you okay?"

"What? Yes, of course. Why?" Natasha grimaces.

"Well, we talk about Loki and you suddenly look so solemn," Pepper frowns.

"Oh, it's just... ugh... I don't know. Something happened a few days back and that... it changed a few things for me, about her. I never thought that she'd... doesn't matter," the other woman shakes her head. One of the problems Natasha has to deal with ever since she started befriending the rest of the team and Pepper is that she actually shows more of herself and even lets things slip she normally wouldn't. She is afraid of losing that kind of control, but... she tries to accept that this might still be worth it, because true friends are those where you allow yourself to let go.

"Hey, we are friends. You can tell me. Trust me, I can keep a secret," Pepper assures her.

"Sure?" Natasha questions.

"I didn't tell anyone about Tony's lucky boxer shorts until now either, did I?" Pepper huffs.

"I wish you didn't mention that," Natasha grunts, almost spitting out her coffee.

"They look cute, with...," Pepper means to say, but Natasha holds up her hands defensively, "No more details, please."

"Okay, okay, so now... C'mon, I gave you this, now you gimme that piece of information about Loki," Pepper bargains.

"You will keep that to yourself?" Natasha asks.

"Absolutely," she nods.

"So okay, uhm... it was short after Loki was admitted to the active team. As far as I know by now, she had a major fight with Thor," Natasha leans closer to her.

"I thought they were good?" Pepper frowns.

"Did Tony say that?" Natasha makes a face. Pepper nods, and Natasha can't help but roll her eyes, "Of course that douchebag doesn't get the memo. Loki and Thor are at each other's throats all the time. I mean, he seems to acknowledge that she is on the team and he sees that she's really... one hell of a fighter and asset to the Avengers. But other than that... they don't talk to each other... and if he does, he's really, really rude."

"Well, she did try to kill him," Pepper shrugs.

"So did she with us, and so did we with her. And we moved past it mostly, too," Natasha shrugs. She knows it sounds odd, but... to her it still counts that Loki wanted to, and didn't follow through with it.

"True again," Pepper shrugs. "And hey, I'm in a relationship with the guy who built nukes par excellence. So really, I shouldn't judge people for their past that much, now should I?"

"Right," Natasha smirks. "So... there was this huge fight again. But this time she really took it personal."

"In how far?" Pepper frowns. Natasha glances around once to make sure they are really alone, "She wanted to jump off the roof."

" _What_?" Pepper cries out in shock.

"She tried to kill herself. And _no_ , this was no act. It was mere chance that Bruce went. She was _that_ close from doing it," Natasha admits.

"Oh my God! Is she okay now?" Pepper gapes, clasping the hem of her dress.

"Well, mostly. I mean... Bruce is having a close eye on her, and I keep watch also, but from a distance, because she didn't see me and I don't want her to think that I spied on her or so. She is mostly back to normal, but... I mean... it's one thing to argue with someone or to break the rules, but it's another if she really wanted to off herself," Natasha argues.

"Do the others know?" Pepper asks.

"No. As I said, she doesn't even know that I'm aware of that. I didn't want to startle her. She seems rather ashamed of the fact that she lost composure like that, so Bruce told me. To tell the others would only make matters for worse, I guess," Natasha makes a face.

"Poor Loki... and I never thought that I'd say it," Pepper grimaces.

"Yeah, I know," Natasha huffs. Once you are involved with Loki... everything seems to change, easy as that.

"So she tried to kill herself because of Thor?" Pepper makes a face. That seems rather drastic, even for someone as dramatic as Loki used to be.

"Well, maybe not just because of _him_ , but because of the _argument_ they had. It must have been really heated," Natasha shrugs.

"Well, must have _boiled_ if she takes such measurements," Pepper makes a face.

"Surely so," Natasha nods.

"... do you want to involve him?" Pepper asks. It's one thing to keep it from the Avengers, but if Thor is the cause of the problem, then this might be what they should be heading for, at least that is what Pepper thinks.

" _Definitely_ not," Natasha holds up her hands defensively. "That is something Loki will have to tell him, if she wants to, but that is solely up to her. I mean... who are we to take that into our own hands?"

"... well, don't you think it might become an issue for the fights? I mean... not that I degrade her for trying that, but... is she good enough again to join in the fights and actually be face-to-face with him, work with him?" Pepper argues. After all, she has a boyfriend and friends out there. If those two Norse Gods can't put the argument to rest, she shall be damned if she doesn't try to do something about it.

"She might be a bit on edge now, but she is a badass. If it comes to it, I'm taking any bet that she can pull herself together and smack this," Natasha argues.

"Well, would be bad for her to suddenly have a breakdown or whatever," Pepper makes a face.

"She won't, I think. It was really a knee-jerk reaction," Natasha shakes her head.

"Wow... never took her for the type," Pepper sighs, leaning back in her seat.

"Me neither," Natasha admits. "Well, is good that she is friends with Bruce. That helps a great deal because he makes her work at the lab, and she likes that, takes her mind off of this shit."

"Well, I'd be going insane by now, if I were her," Pepper huffs, flinging her hand in the air dismissively.

"What do you mean?" the other woman frowns at her.

"Well, ugh, apparently... Loki is stuck in this house for... _forever_ , now," Pepper shrugs. "I mean, it's been months since she's been, well, _outside._ I'd go insane if I were forced to stay inside that building, and only be let out once I fight off some beast or madman who tries to take over the world."

"Yeah... yeah," Natasha grimaces.

"... wait, you really don't let her out? I was just joking... though I seemingly wasn't...," Pepper straightens up in exasperation. She wanted to exaggerate a bit... and not actually be dead-on.

Natasha admits almost embarrassed now, "Uhm, SHIELD was _very_ strict in the beginning... and since she's an active member... she's just never been."

"No one's told her, though, either?" Pepper makes a face.

"No... fuck, no," Natasha grabs her locks angrily. "She's never argued about it... I mean, Fury and her discussed that she'd get a chance to go outside once things boiled down and she proved herself... but she never brought it up since."

"... so seriously no one gave her the memo that she could go out and _socialize_ again?" Pepper blinks at her, still not believing it.

"Nope. It's just so natural that she stays there with Bruce that none of us ever bothered, really. Well, _fuck,_ " Natasha shakes her head. That really shouldn't have happened. Great kind of friends they are, Natasha thinks to herself. And one should think that one of them would actually, well, realize, _but no_ , even a PhD and status as a Secret Agent don't save you from foolery, as it seems - or from sheer blindness.

"Well, there you go," Pepper gesticulates. Natasha glances at her, so Pepper goes on, "If I were her, I would straight-up kill you all. I mean... if you were to just store me here and take me outta the battery once it's needed... I'd hit someone in the face real hard... oh, and not to forget the clothes."

"She _has_ clothes," Natasha frowns. Now Pepper is getting a bit ahead of herself.

"Right, plain shirts and jeans, as far as I can judge," Pepper snorts.

"We told her that we can get her anything she'd want," Natasha argues.

"... and who likes catalogs, for real?" Pepper makes a face.

"Well...," the other woman shrugs.

"Oh, c'mon. She is a girl, and even as a guy, Loki always was smooth, as far as I could judge. Had his signature style. Now... all 'Made in SHIELD', the _casual line_. I mean... that is fashion suicide right there," Pepper shakes her head.

"I give you that. Even Clint likes to wear certain things, like his leather jacket. And he gives a damn on fashion," Natasha has to admit.

"Right, and she isn't even wearing her colors, like _at all_. I mean, okay, she does for her fighting outfit, which is totally amazing by the way, but... other than that... she looks like she just came out of the SHIELD training camp or whatever," Pepper makes a face.

"You've never seen someone come from the SHIELD training camp, if such a thing existed," Natasha smirks.

"You know what I mean," Pepper rolls her eyes. "She is a person, and she's constantly wearing uniform, when no one else does. That sucks."

"I give you that," Natasha puckers her lips.

"But that is something that can be resolved quickly," Pepper declares.

"Aha," Natasha scrunches her nose.

"Well, let's solve the equation: Loki's a girl now. The girl is down. What do other girls do with a moping girl to make her feel better? Especially if she is walking around in a wardrobe that solely consists of fashion presented to you by SHIELD, which doesn't show her personal style in the least?" Pepper questions.

"Please don't say girl's day," Natasha grunts, covering her eyes with her hands.

"Well, in essence, it's what it is, but we aren't the type, and I don't think Loki is either, so it's... a girl's day, but without the name-tag on it," Pepper shrugs.

"She'd lynch you for that. I don't think she is the type of girl who enjoys such things," Natasha snorts.

"But there is this nice store not far from here. I know even you went shopping there before," Pepper winks at the agent.

"Yeah," Natasha nods, she remembers going there about half a year ago.

"Why don't we take her there and she gets to get herself some clothes for her own, that really are her own, huh?" Pepper suggests.

"I don't think she'll bite, to be honest," Natasha argues.

"What can it harm to ask, huh? I mean, she can't say more than no," Pepper huffs.

"She might turn our heads around 180° or something," Natasha shrugs.

"You think she would?" Pepper gapes.

"Not really. She kinda lost that edge by now," Natasha assures her.

"So you see. Plus, she doesn't know me much, so if I go ahead ask her and say I wanna get to know her... she might bite after all," Pepper shrugs.

"It's worth a try... and by the way, thanks," Natasha offers a soft smile.

"Oh, us girls have to stick together. Even if that means that Loki is now part of that club. And it's nice to see that you have a soft spot for her," Pepper smirks.

"Oh, whatever," Natasha rolls her eyes at her. Pepper snickers to herself as she empties her coffee, "Okay, uhm, Jarvis, where's Loki?"

"Miss Loki is in her room," the computer tells her. Pepper claps her thighs as she gets up, "Perfect. Okay, how about we just get over it...? Or don't you have the time?"

"No, there's no work for me, unless some madman takes over again, but that's... the way it always is," Natasha grins.

"Yay," Pepper throws her hands up mockingly.

* * *

The two make their way to Loki's room. Natasha pushes the buttons on the panel. Inside, Loki is sitting on her bed, cross-legged, yet again reading a book, since that is seemingly what she always does if she isn't occupied with work. As she hears the beep from the door, she glances up, pushing a strand of her hair behind her ear.

"Come in," Loki says. Natasha and Pepper enter the room.

"Oh, Lady Romanov, Lady Potts!" the trickster blinks at them.

"It's so cute that they call us Ladies," Pepper smirks.

"Yeah, Thor got over that quite fast, though," Natasha huffs.

"Of course, because he's a dork," Pepper snorts.

"Uhm, do you wish to take a seat?" Loki asks them politely.

"Oh, thanks, dear," Pepper smiles. She plops down next to Loki on the bed. Natasha can see the confusion literally dropping down Loki's face, "... what can I do for you?"

"Actually, I wanted to ask you a favor," Pepper tells her.

"I hope I can be of help?" Loki frowns.

"Well, it's not really that much of a _favor_ , but...," Pepper grimaces, and Natasha jumps in, "A request?"

Pepper nods, "Right. Uhm, apparently, you and I didn't have the honor for long, or much at all. I think we saw each other couple of times, but we two never spent much time together."

"As a matter of fact," Loki nods.

"Well, and I would like to change that a bit, because you are part of the team and I spend a great deal of time here also, so I want us two to get along," Pepper smiles at her.

"... if you fear that I bear you a grudge, then I can assure you that I don't," Loki grimaces.

"Yeah, no, no, I got that," Pepper winks at her.

"Good. Because it seems to be a general notion that I bear grudges to each person in particular," Loki rolls her eyes.

"No, no, I'm with you on that one. So, uh, I actually wanted to get to know you. And that is done best by spending time together," Pepper tells her.

"And from your way of inquiry I take it that you already have a certain plan of _how_ to spend that time together?" Loki cocks an eyebrow at her.

"Yes. Well, we realized that you don't go out, like...," Pepper grimaces, and Natasha adds, "... at all."

"Master Fury was quite specific about me having to stay under the radar. I took it that I was not supposed to, unless for a mission," Loki scrunches her nose at them.

"Well, we should have told you by now that you are free to leave on your own accord also," Natasha exhales.

"... aha, well, that is good to know, but as even Thor could tell, I am the type of person who can live inside and read books all the while without getting bored," Loki shrugs. Already as a child, Loki could spend hours in the palace's libraries to get lost in the microcosms of fiction, of the written world. The way the God of Mischief sees it, imagination is very often the far more interesting place to be at. it seems brighter, fuller, richer - at least it did to Loki for a long time...

Except for the times she remembers how Thor came to the trickster and just pulled him along to play, to go on yet another adventure, spend time, when he just took Loki's hand and didn't let go. That was when colors exploded and broke out of the microcosms - regardless of the scorn the trickster rewarded the action with.

However, that is long since over now.

"And that's cool, but maybe you wanna see the outside now again? Do something... _fun_?" Pepper suggests.

"Define fun," Loki demands skeptically, narrowing her eyes at them. The last time someone, Tony, told her that they'd have fun... he made her admire his prices and expensive possessions, for an hour. That was certainly no pleasure.

"For us girls it's _shopping_." Pepper smirks.

"... aha," Loki grimaces.

"Clothes," Pepper adds.

"I see," Loki tilts her head.

"And there is a shop not far from here we both like a lot. So how does it sound to you that the three of us go there to get you your own wardrobe?" Pepper winks at her.

"The clothes I have are functional," Loki frowns.

"Oh, c'mon. You were a fashionista even as a guy. Now you walk around in casual and plain shirts for the rest of your life? Loki, already as a guy you were too classy for that," Pepper huffs playfully.

"... thank you, I suppose," Loki says, unsure whether this was a compliment.

"What I mean to say is that you wear clothes that aren't in the least you. You have a style – and you have any damn right to wear... a skirt for a change, if you feel like it, damn it," Pepper gesticulates wildly.

"... even if I appreciate the gesture, I suppose it is, I do not come to understand why you have interest in my way of clothing or style," Loki knits her eyebrows at Pepper, who replies, "Let's just say that SHIELD messed up in letting it slip that you can go out and get yourself your own clothes, so us two decided that we make it up to you."

"But you don't have to, I hope you are aware of that," Loki shakes her head.

"Fully," both agree at the same time.

"... do I have much of a choice?" Loki grimaces, though she already anticipates the answer.

"Not really," Pepper shakes her head with a smirk.

"... then I suppose I am to go... shopping," Loki shrugs.

"That's what I'm talking about!" Pepper claps her hands together. She grabs Loki by the arm to get her off the bed, "Then let's head out, shall we?"

Loki quickly puts on her boots and with that they make their way down the street. Natasha and Pepper decided that Loki might prefer walking over riding the car, because that offers her... more freedom, so to speak. And in fact, she looks around like a curious child, almost.

It doesn't take them long till they reach the shop Pepper talked about.

"Okay, this is it," Pepper smirks, pointing at the sign. They get inside, where they are met by: "Lorenzo!"

Lorenzo is a shorter man with an Elvis-like hair flip. He wears a navy suit with brightly red designer shoes, accompanied by a tie of the same color and a bunch of flowers stuffed into the breast pocket. The designer wears a white undershirt and a flashy black belt, a chain attached to its side. The man is a bit overweight, but not much. He wears a hint of mascara and definitely rouge. Yeah, a designer out of the handbook.

Lorenzo is immediately all over Pepper, kissing her cheeks thrice, _each,_ for the record. Natasha and Loki simultaneously take a step back to make sure he won't do that with them the same way.

Lorenzo holds on to Pepper, "Darling, it's good to see you. Precious, you look stunning as ever. I love those shoes... And you brought company!"

"Yeah, uh, I think you know Natasha already," Pepper smirks at him.

"Who'd forget those legs, huh? Hi," Lorenzo tells her almost lovingly.

"Hi," Natasha waves at him.

"And this is our friend, Loki," Pepper introduces the trickster.

"Oh, I love exotic names. And I love _that_."

He wildly gestures at her face. Loki frowns, though seemingly amused.

"Now look at that, the Three Graces in my store! This is unbelievable!" Lorenzo claps his hands together excitedly. "Kelly, Kelly, get here, now!"

"... Ah, now I remember why I didn't go here all the while. You can only stand that for so and so long," Natasha mutters under her breath, and Pepper whispers back, "Shush! It's cute."

Lorenzo appears again, now with Kelly in tow, a young woman dressed in a mixture of Army style with some girly accessories to give it a personal touch: high boots, lots of bracelets and necklaces, and a T-shirt in bright colors coupled with a camouflage Army jacket with a feminine cut, though. She has big red glasses and her brown short hair is _messed-up-but-so-wanted_.

"Ladies, Kelly, Kelly, Ladies. So what is it? Are you going to model for Rubens or...," Lorenzo rambles, but Pepper intervenes, "Main person is Loki. She needs new clothes."

Lorenzo shakes his head, "That I can see. She's wearing a sack."

"Very dangerous terrain," Natasha grimaces nervously. She knows that Lorenzo just acts that way, but Loki might get the wrong idea here... and turn his head upside-down. That wouldn't be, well, _good_.

"Oh, no, no offense, my darling. It's just that this clothing does nothing for you, other than pointing out that you'd look so much better in anything _but_ that," Lorenzo tells her.

"Let's leave that aside. Loki needs some new clothes, and that's what we're here for. So now?" Pepper smiles at him.

"Okay, darling. Now, what do you like?" Lorenzo asks her. Loki glances at him a little uncertainly, actually.

"She likes green and gold," Pepper tries to get the party started.

Lorenzo's eyes shimmer at that, "Oh, be my Artemis!"

"I'm no archer, thank you," Loki retorts drily. Natasha glances at Pepper with an ' _I told you so_ ' on her lips, but Pepper waves her off. This will pass... hopefully.

"You would really sell that look, but... I see, maybe that's something not for the normal day wear. Kelly? Get our Ladies some champagne while I take a closer look at this piece of gorgeous here," Lorenzo snaps his fingers. He suddenly grabs Loki by the arms to put her at the right distance, as it seems.

"Okay, now, the hair out of the face, I have to see you," Lorenzo says. He pulls her hair back. Natasha and Pepper silently pray that Loki is in a good mood and won't sew his mouth shut for the act. But in fact she seems more curious at the designer than mad. Well, that's a good sign.

"Stunning. Absolutely perfectly stunning. Now, would you turn for me once?" Lorenzo smiles. Loki turns on the heel with a frown.

"Is she a model, my darling? Because then I'm hiring her right now," he asks Pepper, but Natasha jumps in with a smirk tugging at her lips, "Nope, she works with me."

"Oh, so a tough girl, hm? And still so beautiful! Even without any kinda make-up!" Lorenzo claps his hands together. Loki cocks an eyebrow at that man, "Seemingly in contrast to you..."

Lorenzo laughs at that, "This face of yours, gold, pure gold."

"You think he might come back to the other shore just to be with Loki?" Natasha whispers to Pepper, who replies, "He might..."

"And that hair, now look at that, Kelly. Such wonderful long hair!" Lorenzo exclaims dramatically, to which his assistant retorts sarcastically, "Yes, hair, but you are aware that you are a fashion designer, not a hair stylist, hm?"

"Oh, so let me be, my little assistant! I like to enjoy what I see, and this is like... I forgot the metaphor," Lorenzo mutters.

"Yay!" Kelly throws her hands in the air.

"Why did I hire you again?" Lorenzo asks her.

"Because you scared off all the other applicants. And you need someone to lift the heavy things?" Kelly shrugs.

"... right. Either way, even your cynicism won't destroy that for me, no! Beauty is meant to be cherished, so I cherish you, my new muse!" Lorenzo turns to Loki overly dramatically again.

"... you talk a lot, as I take?" Loki frowns.

"Yes, that's something you'll have to deal with. The more I talk, the more creative I am, the better the dresses I make, the better for you once you wear them, that's just the way it works for us," Lorenzo tells her.

"Interesting," Loki cocks an eyebrow at the man... he really is a curious case.

"Oh, Pepper, you really brought me a treat this time," he tells her. "I can already see it in front of my eyes. All those dresses I could put on you and make for you! I mean, any color, any cut, any shape, any form, it would all work for you, because, damn, even that looks stunning on you and it's disgusting for a fashion designer. You're sparking my creativity bone – I'm already working on five cocktail dresses inside my head now, solely for you to wear."

"... you are fantasizing about me?" Loki leans back a little with a grimace.

"And witty, too," he laughs. "I think I might die right here on the floor, Pepper. You are the love of my life for bringing me such a present."

"Happily together with the Iron Man, and you and I both know you don't swing my way," Pepper winks at him.

"You're always in my heart, but now... I have to tend to that. This is just such a rare precious moment. We have to use the moment! Life's too short," he declares.

"Oh, give it a break!" Kelly rolls her eyes.

"Is he always that dramatic?" Natasha asks Pepper, who shrugs, "Only if he's really excited."

"So Loki's appearance...," Natasha grimaces, and the other woman agrees, "Blows his mind. She is just his type when it comes to what he regards as his muse. I know that he loves dark-haired frail girls. Well, look at Loki, then you know that this is just what he'd always pictured."

Lorenzo starts to go through the racks and flips out dresses and shirts and whatever else he flings at Kelly, who already took her spot behind him to catch whatever he throws.

"This is so much better than watching TV," Natasha snickers as she watches the scene.

"Sometimes I just come here to watch his madness," Pepper agrees. "But Kelly is really the savior. Ever since she started here, comedy is the new word for it, because she's too cool to go with all his mood swings. It's hilarious to watch those two interact."

"I start to get the idea," Natasha nods.

"So, that's enough for the first round, up and to the changing room, now! Now!" Lorenzo exclaims excitedly.

"... do you consider me an animal or why are you calling out to me like one?" Loki frowns at him.

"Dearest, I didn't mean to insult you!" Lorenzo assures her quickly. "I'm just so excited to see you in all those dresses that I don't want to lose time. But of course I will stop that if it makes you uncomfortable. You are supposed to leave this house the happiest customer ever, alright?"

"For as long as you don't treat me like an animal, I think we will find a common ground," Loki shrugs.

"Perfect, so now... Milady, if you would try on these dresses for me?" Lorenzo smiles.

"Thank you," Loki grins at him. She enters the changing room as Kelly lines up the dresses. Lorenzo jumps up and down almost like a child on first school day. After a bit of time, Loki emerges from the changing room in a red cocktail dress tightly fitting around her thin frame. Pepper stares hard because damn, does she work that dress, moving her hips just the right way, not slutty, but really classy and seductively. Lorenzo almost cries in ecstasy.

"You look so beautiful in this, my love! Oh my friggin' goody!" Lorenzo exclaims.

"... I don't like this," Loki blurts out, and all cry out in shock, "What?"

"Well, let me rephrase: I like the dress itself, but I don't like it on me. It doesn't have the right length and the shoulders don't sit right," Loki argues. It might be that she is not all that familiar with Midgardian fashion, but she knows how a dress has to fit - and that garment doesn't.

"Loki, that is...," Pepper waves her hands in the air. Last time someone told Lorenzo that she didn't like the dress... Lorenzo started to cry, wanted to quit the job, close the shop and emigrate to Hawaii.

Lorenzo already pulls on the dress, "No, she's right, she's right – upon second glance. This should be shorter on her, or otherwise she appears smaller than she is, and the shoulders should sit here, not here. My darling, you have an excellent eye."

"Giving up yet, boss?" Kelly snickers.

"Shush, little one, you are not to talk when I'm envisioning!" Lorenzo huffs. "So now that we saw that, why don't you try this one? I think it should fit better."

Loki nods before heading back into the fitting room.

"Wow, that was a close call. Lorenzo hardly takes any criticism. Like, at all," Pepper grimaces.

"Yeah, I thought so," Natasha smirks.

"But Loki just has to say one thing and he's actually happy for that. Well, she really has a vibe for that, I guess," Pepper smirks.

"Kelly? Grab me this petrol dress from over there, would you?" Lorenzo instructs her assistant, who already goes ahead, "Sure."

"Oh, really, this is an epiphany in fashion!" Lorenzo exclaims dramatically.

"Oh please," Kelly snorts. Loki exits the room again and comes out in a beautifully cut short dress in violet, made of satin and violet leather.

"Loki, please tell me you want that dress, because otherwise I will have to buy it for you against your will," Pepper blinks at the young woman, who frowns at her incredulously, "Huh?"

"She likes that dress on you. I think we all do," Natasha translates with a smirk.

"I like this dress also," Loki nods. "It fits in the right places. The color is nice. And I like those applications."

"Oh! On second try already! I knew it. Just give me a bit of time and I grasp perfection for you, dearest!" Lorenzo claps his hands together happily. "Look at you, so beautiful. And now in my dress. Stunning."

He motions at Kelly to bring the petrol dress. Kelly gives it to Loki, who goes ahead and changes. The fact that it only takes her thirty seconds goes without Lorenzo's notice at all, though. He's too excited to realize. Kelly just shakes her head with a frown, but she knows better than to interrupt. Loki emerges in a skin-tight petrol dress that has only one strap over the shoulder, decorated with flower applications.

"Sweetheart, this is so perfect on you. Now just picture: you, that dress, a nice restaurant, glass of champagne, loose hairdo, pearls and diamonds, high heels with straps, hm? Oh, your guy can count himself lucky," Lorenzo smiles excitedly, fidgeting around. Pepper and Natasha have to try hard not to just jump up from their seats and hold Lorenzo's mouth shut. After all, that is _exactly_ the topic they wanted to bypass.

"I have no one, but thank you for the compliment," Loki says, surprisingly calm.

"How can you not have a man with these looks?" Lorenzo shakes his head, but Natasha breaks it off, "She hangs out with us guys. And most of them are either stupid... or in a relationship."

"How can you do that to humanity?! This is meant to be put on a pedestal and shown to the world," Lorenzo cries out exasperated.

"Goodness sake, Lorenzo. I think you're getting a bit ahead of yourself," Pepper rolls her eyes.

"Curb your enthusiasm, rings a bell?" Kelly snorts.

"I ignore that. So now, my wonderful darling, how about this ball gown, hm?" Lorenzo huffs.

"As much as we appreciate your excitement, we should keep in mind that she mostly needs some clothes to wear other than cocktail dresses. I get it that you want to put her in all kinds of big gowns, but she needs something to wear for everyday use."

Lorenzo nods almost sadly before he picks out the next items.

"Don't do the kicked puppy on us, boss," Kelly tells him.

"Shush. I need a moment," Lorenzo says, waving his hand in the air.

"Customer is Queen, remember? If she doesn't want a ball gown...," Kelly argues, but Lorenzo finishes for her, "I think I'm going to cry, but fine, fine, you are right, you are right..."

He takes a deep breath, but then is all smiley face again, "You will look fabulous in those, my love. And here, extra for you, forest green, gold and black. I think you will enjoy that."

Loki nods appreciatively before getting changed again and again and again. She looks good in anything Lorenzo hands to her, no doubt, but she is really picky, as it turns out. Not in a bad way, but she just has an eye for what really fits her and what might need improvement here and there. Once they are done, Loki is equipped with enough casual clothes for at least two weeks straight, two cocktail dresses, some high heels, a clutch and a leather handbag for everyday use, and one long dress Lorenzo insisted on she'd buy because it's as though this was made for her and her alone and he won't accept anyone else wearing it other than her. They pay with the SHIELD card Loki was provided with when entering the organization.

"Won't SHIELD be mad at me for spending that much money?" Loki frowns.

"If they do, gimme a call, I will knock some sense into them," Lorenzo assures her.

"Yeah, you give it to them and throw tiaras at them!" Kelly calls out as she is busy cleaning up.

"It's fine," Natasha reassures her quickly. "You get the usual salary and up until now you didn't use any of it. You could go shopping here for about a year and would still have enough left, so don't worry. For risking our lives every day, we get the super bonus when it comes to money."

"That's good to know," Loki shrugs.

"Please tell me that you'll come here every day from this day on," Lorenzo pleads her.

"We are all busy people, but we will drop by when we can, Lorenzo," Pepper winks at him sweetly.

"Yeah, you are right, I have to let you go. Even if I would love to chain all of you up in my storage and keep you there to look at you in awe," Lorenzo sighs.

"And people tell me that I have dark thoughts," Loki mutters under her breath.

"He says that to all his muses! And that's why they usually run off!" Kelly yells over her shoulder.

"As I said, we'll come here as soon as time allows it," Pepper smirks.

"I hope that's soon again," Lorenzo exhales.

"Surely will be," Pepper winks at him.

"We should head back, then," Natasha shrugs.

"Right," Pepper agrees.

"It was nice meeting, you, Sir," Loki tells him politely.

"Oh, no, the honor is solely on me. And please, call me Lorenzo," he tells her.

" _Lorenzo,_ " Loki smiles at him.

"Wonderful," he claps his hands together. "I met my muse in real life today. This is the happiest day of my life until now."

"Wow," Pepper shakes her head.

"Bye, then," Lorenzo waves.

"Bye," the three say in unison. With that they leave the store.

Pepper nods at the mass of bags, "Ugh, we should call for one of Tony's cabs to get those back to the Mansion."

"Oh no I can take care of that, don't you worry," Loki tells her. She snaps her fingers and at once all bags and cartons and whatever else disappears, "Safely at the Mansion."

"That's pretty cool," Pepper makes a face.

"Yeah, an in-house sorceress saves you a lot of trouble," Natasha shakes her head with a smirk.

"So? Is there anything else you'd like to do?" Pepper asks Loki.

"Oh, no, thank you. I have already taken up so much of your valuable time," Loki smiles at her sweetly.

"It's cute that a God thinks my time is actually valuable," Pepper snickers.

"It would be sophomoric to claim that the personal time of any individual makes a striking difference in that of everyone else's, even for us Gods, or maybe especially us. Our kind likes to boast too much about how we are so much higher on the ladder, how far more important we are, to everyone and everything. We are the kinds of Gods who do not create matter out of nothing, breathe life into existence, we feast, gloat, drink, jest and fight. The Gods I got to know, Thor and I included, are no more than foolish children who didn't grow out of these boots yet," Loki says, and Pepper looks at her impressed, "Listen to that."

"What happened to ' _I'm a God_ ' and all?" Natasha winks at her.

"Change of mind, epiphany, call it whatever you may like, I think it grasps the essence of it about just right. If there is one thing I learned, then it is that the higher you dare to climb that ladder, the deeper you can fall, and the harder the impact will be. I fell, I know I got too high," Loki exhales.

"Eating humble pie, is it?" Pepper smirks.

"I suppose it is. I like the concept of becoming over that of being," she shrugs.

"Huh?" Pepper frowns at her, so Loki goes on to explain, "Well, to be means that you are set in one place, that you are rigid, at least it does to me. I rather think of people, me included, of being capable of becoming, striving for more than we are. Even if that is what got me on the rungs that caused my downfall in the end, I know. I wanted too much, become so much more than what I was that it all collapsed on me. Still, I think I like becoming over being. That gives even a people like me the opportunity to grow and have an epiphany to change the way I am now, to... eat humble pie."

"Wow, you surely would have made a good philosopher also, Loki, bound to say," Natasha smirks.

"Spending as much time on your own as I did... it leads your thoughts astray, so to speak," Loki sighs.

"You mean when you were in that prison?" Pepper makes a face.

"In the prison, when with the Chitauri, when on my voyages, or in general. I am quite the... _lone wolf_? Thor used to say so all the while. And I think it fits, for a wolf is still a predator," Loki grins. She crouches down to pick up a piece of paper flying over the ground.

"It's good to see you didn't lose your edge," Natasha snickers. Loki gets back up as she unfolds the small sheet of paper, not looking at the other two at all, "... because I tried to off myself, no, that was, after all, just the heat of the moment."

Natasha and Pepper almost fall over as Loki just drops the comment with almost nonchalance.

"Uh...," Natasha stammers, already working on an apology, but Loki speaks up calmly, "I very much appreciate it that you didn't push the topic, but I may tell you now that I knew you on the roof when I had my little moment... and I knew that you told her. I'm partial mind reader."

"Oh," Natasha gapes.

"Oops," Pepper bites her lower lip nervously.

"But that doesn't mean I read your minds all the while. It's just very strong emotions that I get. And I can tell that you were very much concerned about me. That is the feeling I got. And with that you linked the pictures of me, well, dancing around on the roof," Loki tells them.

"Wow, okay, I didn't see that one coming," Natasha grimaces, still surprised.

"I didn't mean to be nosy, but that I sensed this wasn't on purpose. You are practically _radiating_ it," Loki makes a face.

"Hey, I don't blame you. I just didn't think you'd know. I would have talked to you otherwise," Natasha tells her.

"I enjoy the silence very much, Lady Romanov," Loki assures her. "The fact that this is not made a major deal, especially for all Avengers to know... it saves me at least my pride and dignity. And for that, more than anything, I have to thank you."

"But this is nothing to be ashamed of, you know?" Pepper argues.

"Oh, it is," Loki huffs. "It is and will always be. It is a coward way out, no matter which society you pick, in some way it's always the easy way out of one's problems. So I would rather save my dignity, it's one of the few things I have left."

"So you really don't want to discuss that with anyone other than us?" Pepper asks her.

"Oh, by the Gods, no," Loki hisses.

"What about Thor?" Pepper asks cautiously.

"Thor. Thor! What about Thor!? He is the one I'd want to be least involved!" Loki snarls grimly.

Pepper holds up her hands in surrender, "Hey, no need to be upset. I'm just saying... that maybe it'd help you, to be straight with the guys. I mean... no one's taken notice that you need new clothing or whatever either... because apparently, you have that trait to seemingly swallow up everything. Or that you're one hell of a scientist and fighter... it took them months to realize, because they are really stupid and thick skulls most of the time. It takes a lot of negotiation to get them to realize something, I know that, trust me. What I mean to say is that being straight with them can work real miracles."

"Even if you enjoy the silence, that doesn't mean you have to lose your voice entirely," Natasha adds.

"... being in banishment means just that," Loki sighs.

"But you aren't in banishment anymore. You are on our team. For real," Natasha argues.

"Don't get me wrong. I very much and, beyond everything, appreciate the opportunity you offered me. More than anything I feel gratitude for you," Loki tells them. "But in the broader sense... I'm still in banishment. And in the broader sense the truth remains, I have no longer a voice that is heard by the Allfather, or any of the royal family of Asgard. No matter how loud I scream in this very world, it always becomes a faint whisper, not audible at all, to them that is. I am bound to be silent, but I'm past the point where I actually care."

Loki bites her lower lip as she sets the small piece of paper on fire in her hand. She then blows the ashes away into the winds, her expression that of perfect calm, actually. Natasha and Pepper watch this with mixed feelings, uncertain what Loki is thinking now.

"But... nevertheless... I see that I have to try to live in order to change matters for me. It might be that I lost my voice to the outer universe, but... _you_ allow me to speak, for which I'm grateful. So... thank you very much for the care. I very much appreciate it," Loki says, biting her lower lip.

"You're welcome," both say honestly.

"We should do that more often," Pepper smirks.

"I could reconcile with that idea," Loki shrugs.

"Even when it's Lorenzo?" Natasha huffs.

"Oh, I found him utmost comedic. And his dresses are the finest I have seen in a long time," Loki argues.

"You see, Natasha, a girl's...," Pepper wants to say, but Natasha interrupts her harshly, "Don't say it."

"Okay, so we have a date, the three of us. Shopping and all those other things. We have to keep sane somehow," Pepper smirks.

"I'm in," Natasha shrugs.

"Me, too," Loki nods.

"Then let's head back," Natasha suggests. The three start to walk down the streets and Loki actually manages to smile, actually smile. Doctor Banner was right. That's what friends are seemingly for...

And perhaps, just perhaps... they are making life a bit more worthwhile.


	13. Broken Trust & Vodka

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Avengers come to the conclusion that they have to step in when it comes to Loki-Thor-drama. 
> 
> Natasha draws the short straw... and now has to talk to Thor. 
> 
> Thus, she is in dire need of vodka.

_Trust. You entrust someone with your life. You allow him to have your back in battle, and you have his. Once you trust someone, the enterprise of brotherhood and fraternity does not seem so far away anymore. There is this invisible cord holding you together, the both of you, or however many you may choose to trust. And even if this might be one of the most uplifting feelings ever known to people, it is a dangerous endeavor. Because trust is a very fragile thing, the cord, no matter how flexible it may seem at times, is made of glass. And once a rupture happens, it does not take long for the entire bond to shatter to endlessly many, tiny shards, shards you can never piece back together. You can never mend a bond once it's broken, as it seems. And once the cord breaks, you feel exposed, so exposed that you just want to run, run till you can no longer, and then one step further. That is when true dread clenches at your chest, knocks you off your feet and you just want to wake up a day before, when everything was still intact. If you lose trust in someone, then you slowly but surely start to lose him, too. He's slipping through your fingertips, and once he lets go... it seems that you can just no longer go back, but have to move on, regardless of the pain in your chest. Yet... sometimes, you run into this very person, much later, once you already pushed him out of your immediate stratosphere of thought that you almost faint at the emotions suddenly flooding back into you, drowning you, suffocating, dark. But no matter how hard either one may try, the stump of the former cord of trust still gaping in either one's chest will ram into the other once they dare to embrace, dare to be close again. So... mending broken trust is seemingly... just suicide._

* * *

The events of Loki's attempted suicide lie a few weeks back now, and things actually seem back to normal. Thanks to Pepper's, Natasha's and Bruce's ongoing effort to make her enjoy life again, well, she actually does, or at least she tries. Loki is spending a great deal of time working in the lab with Bruce and Tony and Natasha and Pepper have taken it upon themselves to introduce her to the social life of New York, shopping, drinking a coffee, the usual things. At first all were a bit anxious that Loki would just rebuff them with some comment about how those useless mortals are wasting their time, but much to everyone's surprise, she is actually quite eager to get to know the outside world, just like a child making its first tentative steps outside. It never ceases to amaze how the young woman seemingly takes in everything, her eyes wide for all this world has to offer. Bruce is convinced that this is the scientist inside of her calling - she just wants to understand the world.

Well, that is the good part, the not-so-good part is the " _relationship_ " between Loki and Thor ever since that encounter. In battle neither one gives only a clue for any such discrepancy. Both fight side by side and help each other as it is required, but they won't talk to each other, at all. Not that they didn't have that before. The silent treatment is something that Loki seemingly helped inventing alongside Thor, but now they don't do that to deflect the other or make each other mad, as before, no... they just... they don't talk, they don't interact just an inch beneath the surface of "Good morning," and "Could you pass me the salt, please?". And that is the crux of the problem. For as long as those two don't put their argument to rest by discussing it, there won't be a solution, easy as that.

What proves that there must be a problem is that even the guys have finally caught up on it and actually realize that something is not sitting right with those two. When even Tony, who, despite his genius, can be so oblivious at times, asks when those two finally have the talk and move on, then you really have a problem.

So now the Avengers, except for the two, are in the lounge, discussing, well, the two missing members.

"Do we really have to continue with this relationship-stuff between those two?" Clint rolls his eyes in annoyance.

"We talked about this. We tried to give them time, but nothing happens. We have to move... somehow," Natasha tells him.

"She is right. This is affecting the team dynamics sooner or later. Arguments can be resolved, lack of interaction not," Bruce argues.

"I'm still all up for locking the two in a room and...," Tony wants to say, but the others just interrupt him, "No."

"In the movies that always works," Tony pouts

"Oh, please," Steve rolls his eyes.

"Guys, let's not lose focus here," Bruce throws in. "What exactly do we want to do? I mean... as for Natasha, Pepper and I... we made any effort to bring Loki to move, but she won't, that much is for sure."

"So, logically, the next option would be to talk to Thor... maybe he's more willing to resolve this issue," Natasha nods.

"He'll just make mush of us with his hammer," Tony huffs.

"Loki can probably do worse stuff to you," Natasha snickers.

"... yeah... I think we're always in a lose-lose-situation when it comes to these two," Tony grimaces.

"I'm with Natasha. We should just try to talk to Thor. I mean... we could even convince him of using the car and not swinging his hammer all the time. Maybe we really have better chances with him," Steve nods.

"The question is who has the honor then," Tony argues. All grimace. Neither one wants to actually do that. With Thor, despite the fact he is adorable and a great guy most of the time... getting things across is just like explaining it to a very dull child at times. He just won't get it.

"Well, to make it a fair game, we might want to do the old-fashioned... drawing straws," Steve suggests.

"Oh, please," Clint sighs. If this wasn't kindergarten until this moment, it is now for sure.

"Can't I just say who does it?" Tony argues.

"No," Steve retorts.

"Guys, let's not make this a child's game once again. The Captain is right, let's draw straws and whoever gets the short one goes to talk to Thor. Can we all agree to that?" Bruce sighs.

"Yeah," all agree with reluctance.

"And to keep matters fair, even the ones who don't have the... _privilege_... will have to do something, namely making sure that Loki has no clue of what's going on. If she finds out, she will scratch all our eyes out... possibly more than that," Bruce offers.

Steve takes out a matchbox and breaks off one for the "winner". The team members draw their straws. Yeah, this feels just like kindergarten all over again.

They hold them up.

"Oh, please!" Natasha cries out, covering her face with her free hand.

"Yes!" Tony dances around gleefully.

"Great, of course it has to be me," Natasha huffs.

"Congratulations," Tony fakes enthusiasm.

"Go to Hell, Stark," Natasha mutters.

"I just meant to...," Tony wants to say, but she already kicked him in the shin, making him cry out like a teenage girl.

"Okay, so let's just get over with this," she exhales. "You guys make sure Loki is distracted... I talk to Thor... maybe I should bring colored posters to make my point..."

She walks off with a sigh, already contemplating on a strategy.

"Tony? Loki's in the lab, so we should go there. I think we could work on that new shield technology you proposed earlier the week," Bruce turns to Tony, who smirks, "Awesome."

"Okay, if she takes off, you just let us know. Then we will make sure she stays away from Thor and Natasha," Steve nods.

"Good," Bruce agrees. The rest spreads out.

Natasha, meanwhile, made out Thor in the gym. After all, that is his second best favorite room, right after the kitchen. The thunderer is working on his second punching bag the day... he and Steve actually have a contest going on about who destroys most within a year, with the one condition that Thor may not use Mjölnir for help. _Men_.

"Hello," Natasha says politely. Thor stops, flashing his signature smirk at her, wiping some of the sweat out of his face.

"Ah, Lady Romanov, it is good to see you," Thor smiles at her toothily.

"Am I interrupting, or...?" Natasha asks, but he assures her quickly, "No, no, I was finished with that one anyway."

"How many to the count?" Natasha smirks knowingly.

"With this one... 197," Thor grins.

"So it's looking good for you that you win?" Natasha snickers.

"Yes, but I think the Captain will not give in without a fight," Thor smiles.

"Certainly not," she agrees. "So... can I talk to you about something, well, uhm... rather private?"

"What? Yes, of course," Thor nods. He grabs his towel to wipe himself off of sweat, "So? What is your desire?"

"Okay, uhm... I will be straight to you and not beat about the bush," Natasha grimaces.

"What bush?" Thor frowns at her.

"Nevermind," she sighs. "I want to talk to you about Loki."

Natasha has to swallow at just how fast Thor's cheerful expression can change to hard grimness. The fist with which he is holding the towel clenches painfully around the fabric.

"Yeah, I know it's a touchy topic, but... everyone is concerned, for the both of you," Natasha tells him.

"Why?" Thor asks.

"You don't talk, at all. Even in the beginning you managed... somewhat interaction, but now... One could doubt you even live together," Natasha argues.

"I do not wish to talk about it," Thor snorts dismissively.

"And honestly, I get that, but... you might have to," Natasha sighs.

"Why do you think so?" Thor questions.

"Because it does neither one of you good," Natasha argues.

"It is a complicated matter," Thor shakes his head.

"No doubt. And I don't believe that this can be resolved in one conversation, but... if you have any interest to resolve the issue... you have to start somewhere," Natasha tells him.

"Yet, I do not wish to resolve the issue," Thor snorts, acting more like a child than a man at this point. Not that this comes as a surprise to Natasha.

"Why are you giving her such a hard time?" Natasha exhales.

" _I_ am giving Loki a hard time? Loki is giving me a hard time. With all this here," Thor says angrily.

"With working for us? You actually gave the vote for her, twice, once she joined, and then for the active team. So you can't say you didn't see that coming, c'mon," Natasha snorts.

"Loki still blames me for everything that went wrong in his life. And that couldn't be further from the truth," Thor argues. Natasha decides to ignore that Thor is still referring to Loki as a he. After all, it only underlines his defiance.

"So... you had nothing to do with it?" Natasha asks, not buying it.

"Of course I had to do with it, but I did not tell him just once to go havoc on Earth or to trick the Allfather. He tries to blame me for everything. He brought that upon himself," Thor grits his teeth.

"... are you sure that she blames you for it?" Natasha questions, and he glares at her. Natasha holds up her hands in surrender, "I'm just saying... when talking to us... she seems rather... aware of her own mistakes."

"Of course he knows that it was his scheme, but he believes that he never deserved the punishment he received and... and he talks so low about the Allfather, his family," Thor mutters.

"Well, technically...," Natasha grimaces, but Thor interrupts darkly, "The Allfather tried to reach through to him. He tried. And so did I. I put faith in him, over and over again. As did our Mother, but it was all futile. I still believe that the day will come that he will just... strike again."

"Well... Loki didn't, and that in about a year now," Natasha argues.

"Loki can wait, longer than you can imagine," Thor huffs.

"I wouldn't be too convinced," Natasha mutters under her breath.

"Why is that?" Thor blinks at her, so she explains, "I don't think that this is something you'd want to know... or something Loki would want you to know."

Even if she has that feeling bubbling up in her stomach that she will have to reveal that today. Or else Thor will just never understand what the hell is the deal with Loki - and just how much he hurts her.

"Tell me," Thor demands.

"... We know that you two had a major fight, short after she was put on the active team," Natasha tells him.

"Yes," Thor grits his teeth at the memory.

"She... was really desperate after that," Natasha grimaces.

"Serves him right," Thor huffs.

"She wanted to jump off the roof!" Natasha cries out, anger getting the better of her. Thor whips his head around. Natasha actually wanted to make this a bit more... sensitively, but with Thor... you just have to be hard, seemingly. Or else he won't ever get it.

"What did you say?" Thor gapes at her in shock. Natasha takes a moment to focus again, but then says, "Yes, she wanted to kill herself. And you can tell me all you want, but even Loki doesn't deserve that. That _didn't_ serve her right. You didn't see her, Thor, she was desperate. She wanted it all to end, and your argument almost drove her over the edge. As much sympathy as I feel for you, that is a no-go."

Thor bites his lower lip. He had no clue that Loki... No, he never, not even remotely... by the Gods. Can this be true? At some point, he thought that Loki was just being over-dramatic. Loki always was, already as a child, but now to hear that Loki actually wanted to end his life... no, he didn't see that coming, and Thor's chest aches at the revelation.

"I don't say that you are to blame for her... attempt. And that is not why I'm telling you this. I share that with you because I think that this might actually make you understand just how much she means it, Thor. I don't think that was an act. Thus, I really doubt that anything else is. She didn't know we'd come to the roof, she couldn't know. She stood there and wanted to jump. Whatever it is that drove her there... Loki was in that spot, and you stand in that spot only if you really see no way out," Natasha exhales.

"I didn't know that Loki...," Thor stammers, still trying to process this.

"She didn't want you to know, which only proves that she doesn't want to make you blame yourself for that. Don't you see? Loki kept that from you so that you don't take the blame for her actions. So, honestly, I doubt that whatever you think she blames you for... is actually blame she wants to load on your shoulders. She is too busy blaming herself," Natasha speaks softly.

"I just don't see how to... come to terms. There is just too much that's happened," Thor sighs.

"You mean... for what she did in Asgard?" Natasha asks.

"I have to give Loki that I, too, went havoc, in Jotunheimr, so... I can't really blame him for going havoc on Earth, not more than he could blame me for my encounter," Thor exhales.

"Okay," Natasha nods. She generously ignores the fact that he just said it's _okay_ that Loki tried to destroy Earth because he tried the same on another planet.

"But Asgard is our home. Our family. And he attacked us all," Thor grits his teeth. "Just one wrong move and... Loki may have killed not only the Allfather but also me. I can accept a fit of anger, I can move past an air of megalomania, but I can't move past such betrayal, not when it comes to the family. The family is something sacred. And Loki stomped on it."

"I get that," Natasha nods.

"But Loki won't see that. He just... he just keeps taunting me. I have the feeling that every move of his, every word he does speak to me... it's mockery," Thor grumbles angrily.

"Well, since she doesn't talk to you now at all... she can hardly mock you," Natasha argues. Thor glares at her.

"Okay, okay, if that's how you feel, then that's how you feel," she holds up her hands in surrender. She takes a pause before she carries on, "But now, cross my heart, do you think this is mockery because of her change?"

"What now?" Thor grimaces.

"I mean... is it mockery to you because Loki is no longer a guy, but a girl?" Natasha asks. Thor looks away, biting his lip - as if that wasn't answer enough already.

"Why can't you accept her that way?" Natasha asks in a soft voice.

"Because... it's... I can't," Thor sighs.

"Is it really just because he is suddenly a woman?" Natasha questions.

"No, he did that before," Thor snorts dismissively.

"He did, I mean... within your notice?" Natasha blinks. As far as she had gathered, Loki only discovered her female side when Thor was not around, well... she seemingly kept that part out, the little beast.

"It's as he already said. It is natural to him," Thor shrugs.

"Coz he's... Jo...," Natasha grimaces. Yeah, they really have to catch up on the alien-vocabulary, as it seems.

"Jotun, right," Thor nods. "We knew about that in a while. And he lived as a woman even before we knew of his origin, but then it was due to the fact that he was a shapeshifting sorcerer. He liked that. Loki never saw much of... a trouble in that."

"Well, I thought that you guys were somewhat... _cooler_ about the matter, I mean, as Asgardians and all. You know, we humans are rather set in gender roles. I mean, we have gay people and cross-dressers and all that, but... uhm... your brother really is a new level of gender deconstruction," Natasha grimaces.

"Us Aesir are pretty much the same about it as you are. Loki was the exception, actually. Perhaps we are even more set than you are," Thor shakes his head.

"Yeah?" Natasha blinks at him curiously.

"We still have executions for... certain things," Thor grimaces in embarrassment.

"Oh, ew," Natasha makes a face, shocked.

"But it's not practiced all too often anymore, actually... not at all in years now. Either way, I am... used to this, you see, that Loki bends those rules. Loki spent a great deal of time in his female form. The problem is that...," Thor lets out a sigh, seemingly unable to put his feelings into words.

"He's the brother you grew up with, and not the sister you grew up with," Natasha nods. She gets that.

"Right," Thor nods. "And I can't just push that aside."

"Well, I get your feelings to some degree, I suppose. I mean... we all struggled with Loki's sudden change. Even if it must be a whole new level to you coz you grew up with him," Natasha shrugs.

"Exactly," Thor sighs.

"But... Thor, you also gotta see that this is still Loki, just in a different shape," Natasha argues.

"No, it is not! He is not acting like my brother whom I grew up with! He... he is different. And that is what is bothering me foremost," Thor shakes his head vehemently.

"Explain it to me," Natasha demands calmly.

"I cannot! This is just... this is not him! That person here, this woman, she is not like my brother in so many ways," Thor bites his lower lip.

"You mean that she flirts and... well, acts more like a girl?" Natasha makes a face. Thor nods again.

"Well," Natasha exhales. "I take it that this is more of a show than anything else. Loki tries to play around – and that is something Loki already did as a guy, I mean... he even flirted as a guy, _a lot_ , even when it was inappropriate. She knows this drives especially you nuts, which is why she does it ever the more, I think."

"It is not just about that," Thor shakes his head.

"Then what else?" Natasha asks.

"... Loki is suddenly... I do not even have the words for it. The nature of this person is different from that of the witty and self-centered brother I grew up with," Thor bites his lower lip.

"That she cares more? You really believe that this is just coz of her gender now? But couldn't it perhaps be because she simply had a change of mind? That also happens, and that doesn't depend on he or she. People can have an epiphany and... _change,_ " Natasha argues.

She changed, too.

"But how would I tell? I don't know if this is Loki, the person I grew up with... this new person I hardly recognize as the one I used to know," Thor admits.

"Well, sorry to break those news to you, Thor, but you hardly make any effort to get to know her, the _new_ her. You try to stay away from Loki as much as that is possible. And if you asked me... you do that because you are afraid to lose that picture you had of Loki, of the person you grew up with," Natasha argues.

"I'm not afraid of anything," Thor grunts.

"Then there shouldn't be any issues in accepting the new Loki, right?" Natasha snorts.

"... perhaps I am a bit, but _just_ a bit," Thor grumbles, more like a pouting child.

"Well, then that bit is afraid of losing that picture, or is it not?" Natasha smirks.

"You are probably right," Thor nods. "I... even after all he's done... he still was my brother. That is what I always held good for him, what I always... harbored, you see. When times were hard and he just... was going astray, doing things he shouldn't... this is what I could hold on to. I could always tell myself that this was my brother after all – and no one could take that away from us. But now I... fear... that this is lost, that I can't return to that harbor inside my mind."

"... but she is here, Thor, don't you see it? This is still Loki, she still has the same memories you have, you were the children who played together and all. All those memories you harbor, you witnessed with her," Natasha argues.

"I witnessed them with my brother," Thor shakes his head.

"But that is your brother, just in a different form," Natasha says.

"It's not that simple," Thor bites his lower lip.

"Yes it is," Natasha insists. "Now let me ask you this question: For example, do you harbor a memory of you two fighting side by side?"

Thor nods, "Of course, those are perhaps some of the most prominent ones! He saved my life countless times!"

"And did he, in one of those memories, ever change his shape?" Natasha questions.

"Numerous times," Thor blinks at her.

"So you remember those things, and hold them for good, even though Loki has changed the body back then," Natasha concludes.

"Of course," Thor agrees.

"Well, if that's so... then how can you say that this is no longer Loki? If you can actually harbor the memory of him in another body?" she argues. "I mean... you still regard that body as Loki's, you see the person you remember as Loki, who shapeshifted in battle, as your brother, as someone you care about so deeply. Then why can't you do that just now with her in this form?"

"I don't know what to do anymore. I don't even understand that myself. It's... it's just too complicated, too far intermingled," Thor exhales.

"But Thor, don't you see that Loki is just trying to come to terms?" Natasha asks him.

"What do you want to say?" Thor grimaces.

"You have to put yourself in Loki's place. To him... _her_... it's natural to be this as well as that. So with you giving her hell about... choosing this shape over the other... you ask her to stop something that is as natural to her as breathing," Natasha tells him.

"... perhaps. I don't know," Thor sighs. He knows she does have a point, but Thor knows better than to reveal one of the deeper reaching reasons of his resent for this certain form. He won't give himself that humiliation, no. This form caused him pain before, and that is why he hates his brother wearing it. That was one of the early ruptures that led to both their downfall.

"It is as I say," Natasha insists. "And you have to see how much you actually hurt her. You say you can like her for being your little brother, but you can't like her as, well, _her,_ though she is _just_ that. She said it herself, this is her natural female form. It's as though you tell her, constantly, that you can only love her for one side of her, and that the other is just... not lovable."

"I know it must sound foolish, but this is how I feel. You cannot shift such affection that easily. This woman is not my brother, inside my mind, and that makes it so difficult for me to regard her as such. When I look at her... then I see Loki's eyes, see Loki's wit, but I don't see so many other things that I held dear, so many things I was proud of to know about him, as the only person who'd know," Thor explains.

"But you have to see that she tries to build up a life here on Earth, so it has a very practical function that she chose this form of all forms," Natasha shakes her head. "Well, and then a persona she actually knows... is... is the better choice, simple as that. She knows _Lorelei_ , she is that person, don't you see? Because it is her natural innate female shape. If I were in her place, I'd do the same. She knows not only how to enact that person, but she _is_ that person."

"Loki is proficient in putting up an act, but he denies any other only to mock me," Thor narrows his eyes. And that is the mockery he sees and that makes his blood boil hot in his veins. Ever since she first changed - Loki does that to remind him of that one night. Over and over again. She tortures him.

"She does it because it costs her little to be that. Because that is what she is. Look, how would you feel if suddenly you were told to be someone else, hm?" Natasha debates. Thor shrugs, so she carries on, "Okay, let me put it like this: they have theater in Asgard, right?"

Thor boasts as always, "We reenact the great battles of the realm. It's to honor our ancestors and the victories Asgard received. We have huge celebrations about it."

"Well, now imagine you were one of the actors. And for all those years you got to play a certain role, because you're really good at it. And then, all of the sudden, you can't, because the role is canceled. And you are suddenly supposed to play this one other character you don't even know the script of. How would you feel about that?" Natasha reasons.

"No one would dare that with a Prince of Asgard," Thor scolds. Natasha bows her head, there we go, elementary school lesson with Thor...

"Thor, use your imagination, c'mon, it won't break your head," Natasha grumbles.

"I wouldn't like that," Thor replies in a grumpy way.

"Exactly," she nods. "You'd rather want to play the other role you know. And that is Loki's situation. He can be Lorelei without having to enact it. Every other shape Loki could choose... it would be a role. And it is hard to actually live a role. You have to invent mannerisms, gestures, mimics... that is hard, Thor. And it would be risky for her to do that. People might realize a flaw, even the tiniest of them all. She knows that – and that's why she doesn't risk it. You see?"

"... I don't like it, though," he puckers his lips.

"Well, I think you'd have it better if you just talked to her about it that way. I mean, it's okay you feel like this, but... she also has a point," Natasha argues.

"But...," Thor means to argue, but Natasha doesn't give him a chance, "Thor. I am actually fully on her side, because we are both women, _yes_ , women. Right now she is and that's what matters to me. And women stick together when it comes to these kinda things. I think she has made more than valid points why she chose this form. Not only on the practical level, but also on the emotional level. This is her, we can't just deny her the right to be herself that much. We already deny her the male persona. So who are we to take away that last bit of her also, huh?"

Thor just grimaces, his last conversation with Loki echoing inside his head, how she said she is no longer herself, a shadow... is that what she meant? He knows Natasha is right. He knows, but it hurts. It hurts to realize that someone died and was reborn, and that you can't bring yourself to accept that. This is no longer the brother he used to bathe and cradle in his arms when still too small to develop any evil thoughts. It is the same body, in a different form, true, but Loki has changed, was reborn to be this from now on. And that this is as much of a struggle for her as it may be for him, Thor only realizes just now how much it must have cost Loki to take that step, though.

Natasha says with a bit of anger flaring towards the end, "It might be that you are awkward thanks to her change, but now she is a woman, so treat her like that, and finally treat her a little better."

Natasha looks at him sternly. The pictures of Loki dancing over the rim of the roof trying to kill herself, the tears in her eyes, all the anguish and sadness are still too vivid in her memory. She knows now that the young woman sought to end her life because of Thor for many parts – and especially because of how he treated her. It may be that not all things about Loki are resolved yet, but she doesn't deserve to feel so hurt that she actually considers to end her own life. No, no one deserves to feel like this, which is why Natasha has taken it upon herself to help Loki.

"Because I tell you, you treated her like shit for an agonizingly long time, Thor," she says. "It might be she did you wrong, she did many wrongs, and that doesn't just disappear, I'm fully with you on that one, but damn, Thor, she is still a living being, she is the person now in your brother's body, so for goodness sake, treat her better! She deserves that bit of respect even from you. Stop treating her like some... empty shell. She is very much alive, very much capable of feelings – and now you do nothing but hurt her. And that has to stop."

Thor bows his head, "Yes."

"She is trying, don't you see?" Natasha argues. "She sticks to the rules, she helps us out, she fights alongside us, she learned to say thanks and to be generous in her own way. And that she is now a woman doesn't lessen the efforts to me – and it shouldn't to you, coz then I will hurt you, a lot."

"... you are probably right," Thor exhales.

"I _am_ right," Natasha glances at him sternly. "And... if you took the time to get to know her better... maybe you'd find more of the brother you grew up with inside of her than you might have pictured. She might surprise you, coz she surely surprised Bruce and I already. I mean... what can it harm, really? You could give it at least a try."

Thor nods his head, "... I thank you, Lady Romanov. For the honesty and... the counsel."

"It's nothing.. Okay... so... please, talk to her, do something. Then we can all live happily together and return to our normal madness," Natasha tells him.

"I will consider it," Thor nods.

Natasha sighs, "I guess that's the best I'll get for now... so... I will leave you to your workout. But don't wait too long to approach her, or I will kick your ass, got it?"

"Yes," Thor nods with a soft smile tugging at his lips.

"And if you dare to mention that I told you about her, well, you know what I mean, then it's only gonna get worse," Natasha warns him.

"Alright," Thor agrees.

"Alright, see you around," Natasha waves at him. With that she leaves. Mission accomplished, so now... a good glass of Vodka.

Yeah, definitely more Vodka.


	14. Unexpected Inventions and Help?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki approaches Tony and Bruce about a new project. 
> 
> The Avengers have to decide how they want to deal with that. 
> 
> Some people are surprised, others not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no clue when it comes to technology, so... imagine this to actually make sense. I am focused on writing the relationships, not the technical details of physics etc. I hope you forgive me that^^

Loki walks up to Tony and Bruce as they are playing a game of chess.

"This is _so_ boring," Tony exhales lazily. He rolls his head, letting out a yawn.

Bruce isn't in the least impressed, though, "Chess trains cognitive abilities and strategic thinking. It helps stimulate the brain and enlarge its capabilities."

"I'm already genius. If my brain gets any bigger, I'll be like the Egghead, and I can't do that to the world. I'm too pretty for that," Tony sighs.

"I don't think you have to fear that," Bruce huffs.

"This still sucks," Tony puts childishly.

"Oh, hi Loki," Bruce smirks upon catching sight of the young woman.

"Hello," she speaks gently. "Enjoying a good old game of chess?"

" _He_ is. I'm here against my will," Tony snorts.

"How is that?" Loki frowns.

"Because he dragged me to a football game not long ago – and I hate those. Now _I_ get to choose the game," Bruce grins at her.

"I see...," she nods. Even if she finds herself enjoying friendship, it still confuses her sometimes how different these friendships among humans can be. Bruce and Tony are the best example. Other than their genius, they couldn't be more different from one another. They have different interests, and they make it their personal obligation to annoy each other with forcing the other to take part in his hobby, even though he knows the other one hates it.

Really, friendships are mysteries of their own.

"So? What brings you here? Or rather... what's in that folder?" Bruce grimaces.

Loki taps on the manila folder once, "Actually I wanted to talk to you and Master Stark... or no... I don't want to _talk_ about it, I just want you to have a look at this."

"Sure, we'll look it through if you want," Tony shrugs.

"Thank you. I very much appreciate it," Loki bows slightly.

"Hey, wanna join? Or take over so that I can return to life again?" Tony smirks.

"No, thank you... oh, Doctor Banner! Tsk. I thought you were better at this game than Master Stark!" Loki shakes her head.

"I have him at check," Bruce frowns.

"Yeah, and then this ordeal is finally over and I'm a free man again!" Tony exhales. Loki moves one of Tony's chessmen, "Checkmate. Stark wins."

With that she walks off. Tony folds his arms behind the head, leaning back, "I didn't know I am that amazing. Or well, I know I am, but..."

"She just won for you. You had no clue," Bruce rolls his eyes.

"I didn't make my move yet, and I'm a genius. I would've come up with it," Tony argues.

"Right," Bruce snorts sarcastically.

"I actually start to enjoy that game all of a sudden," Tony grins.

"Sure, for as long as your self-confidence gets a boost you are all up for it," Bruce huffs.

"One could say so," Tony hums.

"Oh, whatever," Bruce rolls his eyes at the other man.

"You and her play more often, I take?" Tony asks casually.

"Couple of times a day," Bruce shrugs.

"Who wins?" Tony grins.

"Hm?" he blinks at him. "We are equal, I guess. We don't count points like some other team members tend to do."

"Aha," Tony snickers.

"Of course one has to consider that she played this game like... a thousand years longer than I do," Bruce shrugs.

"You think she lets you win on purpose?" Tony asks skeptically.

"No. I just take longer. That's all," Bruce insists.

" _Right,_ " Tony huffs, not buying it, but then turns to the folder. "But first things first."

He takes the folder and skims through the pages with trained eyes, scanning for all essential information. Suddenly his eyes open wide, though, to which Bruce can only frown.

"Oh... wow...," Tony gapes.

"What now?" Bruce knits his eyebrows at him.

"I think I might pee my pants," Tony stares at the paper in disbelief.

"Please don't," Bruce grimaces. Tony flips the folder over to his friend. Bruce takes it up.

"After reading that, you'll do, too," Tony says, tapping on the tabletop nervously.

"Now I'm scared," Bruce grimaces.

"Just read it," Tony urges him. Bruce fixes his glasses as he reads through the pages.

Bruce gapes as he reads, "Oh... goodness."

"Right?" Tony nods vehemently.

"... that is worth a council for sure," Bruce blinks at the pages.

 _"Totally_ council-worthy," Tony agrees.

"Wow," Bruce shakes his head.

"But... the far more important question would be: why did she just give this to us, not wanting to explain it?" Tony argues. After all, Loki actually took a liking to "scientific discourse". She likes discussing theories with Bruce as well as Tony - and she is past the point where she is eagerly hiding it.

"Dunno. We'll have to tackle it in the meeting," Bruce shrugs.

"You think she's just trying to hide her light under the bushel again?" Tony grimaces.

"One thing about Loki is that she always does things for some greater kind of purpose. So is suspect this is more than just... embarrassment," Bruce tells him.

"Hm," Tony hums mindfully.

"We'll have to see what the council brings. Maybe she spills, then," Bruce suggests.

"Yeah... you do realize that she has us at checkmate... like... all the time?" Tony scrunches his nose.

"Yeah... yeah," Bruce grimaces, now thinking about it.

The two frown at the chess board in silence.

* * *

Later the day, all Avengers assemble for the council.

"... Okay, now that we got the totally not-interesting boring part covered... we can now tackle something... way better," Tony says - after they went through the standards that he just finds utmost annoying and perfectly overrated.

"And what would that be?" Steve cocks an eyebrow at him. Usually, when Tony has something to say that is "way better" it usually involves women or alcohol... possibly both, and a huge party to top it all.

Tony gets up from his chair and flips on the screens and points at them, "That."

"And what is... _that_?" Thor grimaces.

" _That_ is a way to overcome the energy output problem," Tony smirks, clapping his hands together to some rhythm going through his head.

"Come again?" Steve frowns.

"Tony's suit operates with the arc reactor energy," Bruce explains. "Thanks to the Vibranium the energy output is vastly increased, allowing him to fly and fight with the suit the way he does. Yet, there is the hypothetical possibility to make more of that energy. The reactor has far more potential than what is actually used. The problem up until now was that once we attempted to increase the output level to a certain degree, the system shut down. And if we had gone further, everything would have collapsed."

"Which means, if I tried that with my suit... _boom_ – me dead. And I don't fancy that, which is why we didn't try that yet," Tony snorts.

"Okay," Steve nods.

"But now we have this," Tony nods at the screen.

"A formula," Steve says.

"This is a way to bypass this problem and to unleash the arc reactor's full potential without risking an overload," Bruce tells them. "The idea is to create multiple mini reactors within the reactor and then connect in series, to put it _very_ simple. Of course I could go further into detail on how exactly this works, but I don't think that this _really_ interests you. What it does for us, though, is that it would allow us to make use of the arc energy – with about thrice its intensity, without having to fear that it will destabilize in any way."

"Well, great success for you guys... but... what is that to us?" Steve questions.

"Right, if you wanna polish your suit, then do that," Clint huffs.

"Well, the thing is that this is not the idea, entirely," Tony smirks. Bruce flips on to the next page revealing construction plans for weapons: Steve's shield, Natasha's guns, Clint's bow and arrows, the Iron Man suit, something that looks like an exoskeleton, Thor's hammer, and Loki's daggers.

"Your idea is new equipment," Natasha blinks at the plans.

"I would love to say it's me coz I think this totally rocks... but," Tony argues. "Loki came up with this."

All turn to the young woman, who simply sat through it all, one leg over the other, observing passively. She just shrugs at them as their eyes fall on her, though. She will not acknowledge this with a real reaction.

"Seriously? That is by you?" Natasha turns to the trickster.

Oh, great... now she _has_ to answer.

"As I said before, my studies are not far different from yours. This is a problem I already encountered for a different energy resource long before I got to know you. Now that I work here... it just stirred my interest and I started working on the problem again. That is when I developed this, more as a _fun project_ , as Stark would call it," Loki explains calmly.

"This is more than a fun project, though," Tony argues. "We are talking about an enhancement for all our weapons, using the arc reactor technology. And that with tripled output. That would mean... well, your weapons would be just way cooler... and far more importantly, even the Hulk would get something to play with."

"Right – something I never thought about before. But if we use this technology, it might grant me better control over my body when I hulk out. I would have to wear this exoskeleton, but thanks to Loki's design, it would allow to adapt to my size. Once it's no longer needed, it'd disappear into my belt again. To put it _very_ simple, the skeleton would connect to the important muscle areas, such as arms, legs, the neck and connect to the brain, through electric stimuli. Hence, better control," Bruce nods.

"I'm officially impressed," Natasha whistles softly.

"Then why don't we just put that into practice?" Steve asks.

"That is... a good question," Tony smirks, before he turns to his favorite trickster. "Loki, why don't we just put that into practice?"

"I see no trouble _putting that into practice_ , since I gave it a lot of thought, and my calculations, as far as I'm concerned, are correct. There is just one condition," Loki explains.

"And what would that be?" Steve questions.

"Master Fury will have to approve," she shrugs. "When that happens, it is essential that my name and my involvement in the development are not mentioned. If he asks, it was Doctor Banner or Stark, or both. How you arrange that is up to you, I don't care. Just leave out my name."

"What?!" Tony gapes in shock.

"Now don't give me that look," she grumbles.

"But that is your idea," Bruce argues.

"You will notice, however, that Master Fury will hardly approve a project for creating weapons stronger than the arc reactor, and then for all members... which adds up to forces out of unmeasurable proportion," Loki shakes her head.

"I think he'd dig that," Tony smirks.

"Not for as long as it's my design," Loki reasons.

"But you are already on the active team and you create weapons all the while. I don't think this is a real issue anymore," Steve throws in. At least it shouldn't be anymore.

"I create weapons under the observant eyes of the SHIELD, Doctor Banner and Stark. The missiles I create don't have the power those would have. Let me tell you, we are talking about a whole new level of power when it comes to these. Master Fury would not approve with my name on them," Loki argues.

"Still is your idea," Natasha insists.

"I don't see the issue. It is just a name written under a report. This is beneficiary for the team. From whoever it comes... it doesn't matter to me," Loki shakes her head.

"You seriously want me to go ahead and talk to Fury and then proudly announce that this is my project?" Tony makes a face.

"That summarizes it quite well, yes," Loki nods. Is that so hard to believe?!

Tony shakes his head, "I am known for many things, but I don't claim anything mine that isn't... other than women for a certain time perhaps, but you see the point. That is _plagiarism_."

"I do not mind," Loki snorts, growing impatient. This is such a ridiculous conversation. And by giving the folder to Bruce and Stark, she actually hoped to bypass that, but... then again, they are superheroes. This certain species just always feels this strong urge to do the right thing. Fools.

"It isn't the right thing to do," Steve shakes his head.

There we go...

"If you mean to question my motives, I assure you that they are solely to aid the team," Loki hisses.

"Of course. It's just that it's not right to claim that this is someone else's. You worked this out. You should get the credit for it," Steve reasons.

And here we go another time - superheroes, really, you just have trouble with them at times.

"The only problem is that I will not get credit for this if it is me. I can get credit for it for as long as my involvement remains unknown, because that means the project will launch," Loki debates. Really, humans and their sense of justice. They rather let a chance slip away only because it might be "plagiarism"? Humans are odd beings, really, and utmost foolish.

"But what if Fury sees that you are just trying to help us a great deal?" Natasha throws in.

"I think Doctor Banner could give you the exact numbers, but let's just say the chance is nearly zero. And even if Master Fury might appreciate the idea... I don't know about his bosses. They are rather strict, so to speak. I know that Master Fury took a huge risk with recruiting me. I don't know what they will do if they find out about this project, though," Loki reasons.

"C'mon," Natasha sighs, but Loki remains unimpressed, "I simply ask you two to do me the favor to present that to Master Fury. I can help creating the weapons once he gives his okay, but Master Fury has to approve before we can think about that. If you really wish to do me a favor, keep my name out of this."

"Fine, we'll present it to him," Tony suddenly says coolly. All glance at him disbelieving. They expected him to go on with the argument - and not give in. Tony never gives in. _Ever._

"Thank you," she bows her head. Maybe one of them is finally coming to his senses... even if it's Stark.

Bruce grimaces at him, but Tony seems so confident that no one means to argue.

* * *

The following day, all have assembled to talk to Fury about the new project.

"Yo, Blackbeard," Tony greets Fury, who huffs with annoyance in his voice, "Stark."

"We wanna present something to you," Tony tells him.

"And what would that be?" Fury asks.

"Enhanced weaponry, using the arc reactor technology to triple the energy output," Tony says. He switches on the screens to show the construction plans.

Fury glances at the screens, "I see... for all members?"

"Yep," Tony nods.

"Wow. When did you come up with that?" Fury puckers his lips.

"That only popped up... recently," Tony shrugs.

"And that works? Is it stable?" Fury questions.

"Of course there will be a longer test phase to make sure, but we have good faith that this will work. The basic equation is valid. It will allow us full access to the arc reactor energy without having to fear destabilization," Bruce explains.

"Right, the question is just how to put that into practice," Tony agrees.

"I see. Well, SHIELD has interest in finding new ways to protect the people. So... this deserves... a chance, I suppose. I will present it to my bosses if you want," Fury nods.

"Cool," Tony shrugs.

"So... who'll be the leading scientist in this, as the founder? We have to put that down for the bureaucrats," Fury asks casually. Bruce and Tony look at each other for a second before they say simultaneously, "Loki."

"What?" Fury gapes. Loki has to try hard to keep her face stoic, but eventually manages to roll her eyes. The orders were that simple. Keep her out of this, just claim it as yours. What's so hard to understand about it?! Why can't those guys _ever_ listen?! She glances at the two who just blew her and how stupidly they smirk at her, as though they just achieved something great, even if they might just as well have risked everything they worked for. Great, just great. _Stupid mortals_.

"Loki found this equation and worked out the first sketches. And they are a-mazing," tony smirks.

"She did all the designs and construction plans by herself," Bruce adds.

Fury turns to Loki angrily, "You had no jurisdiction for that."

"A moment ago that didn't matter to you," Bruce argues.

"I don't like to play the bad guy here, but you have to see that I act here as a representative of the government also. I have to make sure that this is not the means to lead to bigger trouble," Fury retorts.

"We would have had Loki in the team either way, for the creation process. And it's not like you forbade her to take part in it for as long as it was our plan," Tony huffs. Really, that can't be the argument here.

"You don't seem to get this," Fury sighs. "I have people above me who tell me that we are already violating every rule with Loki on the team. I took a huge risk with this – and they won't be pleased to hear that we make her dreams become true by creating super weapons. Even if _I_ appreciate the idea, we have to see that we are also serving a public function."

"Public doesn't know that Loki is the same person who tried to take over all this time ago," Bruce shrugs.

"But the bosses know about this," Fury insists.

"And we know that this is Loki's idea," Bruce retorts.

"And we won't claim that it's ours," Tony nods.

"You see, we discussed the matter within the team. Even if you agreed to launch the project under Bruce's or Tony's name... we would refuse to take part in it," Steve agrees. Loki whips her head around at the Captain, realizing that actually all of them look so foolishly contempt and utterly pleased with themselves. They discussed that after she took off, the bastards. Loki swallows the growl in her throat. They plotted against her! _**Really** stupid mortals_!

"You mean that," Fury grimaces.

"I would not use those weapons," Natasha shakes her head.

"Neither would I," Clint says.

"Me neither," Thor agrees. Loki blinks at him briefly, but can't pay much attention to the thunderer at this moment. After all, there is much bigger trouble ahead of her - thanks to them and their foolery.

"You gotta see that she is now on the team," Tony tells Fury. "That means, to us, she has full rights. It might be she is on probation, but I would do the same thing for anyone. I won't put my name under this. I didn't come up with the idea. I wish I did, but... it was her. So it's only fair that we launch the project under her name, and that it is given into her care. It's hers."

"Again, this is not up to me," Fury sighs.

"Well, this can wait. It's not like we desperately need those weapons by the end of tomorrow. You can talk to your bosses and discuss this in all calm, no?" Tony shrugs.

"You guys are really a bother," Fury shakes his head.

"We're saving the world all the while risking our life. I guess we may, a bit," Tony snickers.

"You own that, Stark," Fury snorts.

"Saving the world is something I also own," Tony smirks at him smugly.

"Well... I'll talk to my bosses, see what they say. I hope you're aware that this might mean sanctions for the team... and possibly a shut-down for the project?" Fury sighs.

"We still got a Hulk to convince them," Tony grins.

"Don't think about it, Tony," Bruce smirks. "... but he has a point."

"You can go now," Fury grumbles. The Avengers leave the room. Fury steps over to the board, looking at the construction plans, a grin on his face.

"Boss?" Coulson turns to Fury.

"Yeah?" he asks.

"Why are you smiling?" Coulson asks curiously.

"They are a team now," Fury smirks.

"So it is no trouble with the bosses that Loki came up with this project?" Coulson questions, narrowing his eyes.

"Oh, that's gonna be a bitch to get through, but... this here was my plan," Fury smiles, looking at the screens another time.

"Yeah?" Coulson smirks.

"I didn't bring Loki in for nothing. Already when she went havoc on Earth Loki made it clear that she is not only smart but also strong, out of proportions strong. How would I not want her on the Avengers Team if I can help it?" Fury shrugs.

"So you are so mean to her so that the others take sides with her?" Coulson concludes.

"That... and because I'm kinda pissed, still," Fury grins. Coulson smirks, looking at the constructions as well, "Wonderful isn't it?"

"If this works out... then there is almost nothing holding us back anymore," Fury nods.

Meanwhile outside, all others are silently walking back to the lounge. Everyone except Loki and Thor is wearing a victorious smile on their lips.

"I hope you are aware that Master Fury might just as well get a 'no' and this project will never be launched, yes?" Loki breaks the silence, hiding her anger behind a calm voice.

"Yup," Tony grins goofily.

"Good, I just meant to make sure that everyone was on the same page," Loki huffs.

"Yep, we are on the same page," Tony snickers.

"It was the right thing to do," Steve tells her. Loki rolls her eyes. She will severely hurt someone, _Steve_ , if he keeps pondering on the rightness and justice part. They should know by now that Loki gives a damn on right and wrong for as long as she finds it a good idea.

"If doing the right thing means risking so much... then I still highly doubt that I am all too fond of the idea of righteousness," Loki mutters.

"It must hurt you real bad that you are one of the good guys now, huh?" Tony snickers.

"You can't even imagine. I think I'll be sick," Loki sneers. Tony smirks ever the more.

Loki closes her eyes as she speaks, "Though I think I do not come around the fact that I have to... honestly thank you for the gesture. I know what this means in your realm, and is a huge gesture. So... thank you."

Neither one says anything. As much as Loki hates to admit it, she is... glad... ugh, _stupid **immortal**_.


	15. (Team-) Work in Progress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony, Bruce, and Loki start to work on the new weapons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, I know nothing about technology, so I hope you forgive me those flaws (but it's the Avengers, so if something sounds impossible, maybe Tony can work it, still). Plus, I wanted to extend on Loki as a scientist. When reading other fanfiction, I always enjoyed that idea, so I want to include that, too. 
> 
> I hope you'll enjoy anyway ;)

It took a lot of negotiation and threatening from both sides, but eventually the bosses agreed to the new weapons, under Loki's name. The condition was that Loki wouldn't work on them alone, but with Bruce and Tony, to make sure that she doesn't do anything stupid. But since that was the plan anyways, the three didn't bother much and just made the deal. That is why the trio spends a great deal of time in the lab, and a great deal of time means that they are there 24/7, except for fights, food, and occasional nap-breaks.

Currently, Bruce is working on some equations on the computer while Tony is screwing together the first prototypes in the lab.

"We are totally the Dream Team of the group," Tony smirks.

"Right, coz it's in your dreams," Bruce huffs. Tony throws his hands up dismissively, but then continues with his task, humming some Rock tune as he says, "This will rock so bad once it's finished."

Loki walks up to him with a panel in hand, but then stops in front of him, "You didn't, did you?"

"What?" Tony glances at her.

"That emblem," she hisses. Loki points at the "A" attached to the prototype on the table, which is of course the Avengers' symbol.

"What? It's ours," Tony acts off innocently.

"Couldn't we worry about the style once we… actually get this to work?" Loki sighs heavily.

"She's right, Tony," Bruce says, focused on the screens.

"You two just don't see the awesomeness," Tony mutters like a child.

"What I see is that there is still a fluctuation in the converter," Loki retorts drily. She points at the panel with the diagram on it.

"What? I already solved that!" Tony pulls at his hair.

"Seemingly not," she shrugs.

"Did you connect it with the converter yet?" Bruce suggests.

"Of course," Tony rolls his eyes at him.

"Hm, maybe some mistake in my calculations?" Loki puckers her lips.

Tony, glancing at the machine again, argues, "Don't think so… wait, maybe if I…"

He screws in one place, but with that smoke starts to come up from the weapon, to which he exclaims, "Oh, Hell!"

Loki quickly moves her hand over the weapon to extinguish the flame with magic.

"What did you do now, Tony?!" Bruce demands exasperated.

"I… don't know. I've worked on this circuit before and everything seemed fine, but somehow that is where I always get thrown out and the system shuts down... and starts to sizzle," Tony grimaces, still not quite believing what just happened.

"Well, then we know at least the source of the problem," Loki shrugs.

"But there shouldn't be," Tony mutters. As much as he loves working on this project, nothing gave him as much of a headache as does this now, and he designed the Iron Man suit. That surely means something.

"Yet, there is," Loki rolls her eyes.

"… the question is what is there that we don't see," Bruce grimaces.

"What if we build in another relay?" Loki suggests.

"What for?" Tony scrunches his nose. Loki shrugs.

"Fine, we try, see what happens. If it sizzles again, it's your fault, though," Tony warns her. Loki flashes a brief smile before he continues to work on the new setup while the others busy themselves with the diagrams and equations again. Whoever said that this would be easy… damn liar.

"Okay, new relay set… let's give it a try and turn up the volume," Tony snickers. He switches the machine back on, but… same thing all over again. Loki quickly extinguishes the small flame forming.

"That… is _entertaining_ , but… not productive," Tony exhales, scooting back in his chair.

"I beg to differ," Bruce argues.

"You tell me when this thing is smoking, again?! Seriously?" Tony says, throwing his hands in the air.

Bruce, pointing at the screen with his pen, objects, "Yeah, coz the energy output is right."

"How can that be? This thing blew, _again,"_ Tony grimaces, scratching his head.

"Yeah, something's not right, but the output is," Bruce confirms.

"I just want this to work…," Tony exhales.

"You complaining won't help it any, though," Bruce huffs.

"Ha," Tony huffs, but then he has an idea, mindfully tapping his chin. "But now, thinking about it. Aww, I just surprised myself with my genius. I'm such a treat. Now, we simply have to do this and that and a bit of magic…"

He starts to work on the machine another time. After a while, he exclaims excitedly, "I think we got it! That means I did, coz I'm amazing, but I give you some credit."

He knocks against the weapon like you do with a bull for the rodeo, but that is when suddenly a blue flash of light shoots out of it. Loki, who stood just in the path owes it only to her magic that she didn't get hit, but instead shot herself back to save herself. Tony is also thrown back thanks to the impact, Banner hides under the table. Once the light dies out, Bruce and Tony stare at the huge hole gaping in the wall.

"Sir, there is a burning hole in the wall," Jarvis tells him.

"No shit?" Tony brings out, his mouth still standing open in shock. The robots already start to extinguish the flames. Bruce hurries over to Loki, who is still halfway lying, halfway sitting on the ground.

"Loki? You okay?" Bruce asks her worriedly.

"It worked!" Loki smiles, still dazed.

"Did you hit your head?" Bruce asks, his voice full of concern. If she is hurt, Tony is surely going to get it from him... if not from the Hulk.

"What? No, I'm fine, thank you, Doctor," Loki smiles at him broadly.

"Well, for a moment you had me scared with the smiley face," Bruce grimaces.

"Well, isn't this worth celebration?" Loki blinks at him, tilting her head to the side.

"The fact that Tony almost killed you or the gaping hole in the wall?" Bruce frowns.

"Both?" Loki smiles even broader.

"Huh?" Tony makes a face, to which Loki chuckles almost gleefully, "The fact that we have a hole in the wall means that… it worked!"

Bruce and Tony exchange a questioning glance as the young woman leans back, giggling, but then both can't help but also chuckle.

"It worked," Bruce gesticulates.

"Even if that's not what I had pictured for… rocking bad… it did rock, if only just the building," Tony nods with a smirk tugging at his lips.

"And that was only one percent intensity," Loki says as she gets back up.

"This is gonna be sooooo amazing," Tony smiles.

"Judging by the looks of it, we will make some more holes, so I fear," Bruce grimaces at the hall in the wall.

"Yeah, well, gladly you have me. I have enough money to buy us... I don't know how many walls, but a lot," Tony shrugs.

"Probably that's the main reason SHIELD hired you," Bruce huffs sarcastically.

"No, that is for my charming smile and this gorgeous face," Tony smirks.

Loki and Bruce roll their eyes simultaneously.

* * *

"Okay, Lady, Gentleman, we are in Phase Two!" Tony declares overly dramatically. Now the three are in a bigger test room with the first prototypes lined up in front of them. The three are wearing huge round goggles.

"Why are we doing this again?" Bruce grimaces.

"Coz it's fun?" Tony tells him, looking like a child who gets to test his new toy for the first time... which comes pretty close to reality, now thinking about it.

"We know that they should fire," Bruce argues.

"Coz it's fun?" Tony repeats.

"Loki, help me out here," Bruce cries out.

"Coz it's fun," Loki smirks.

"You, too?" Bruce blinks at her incredulously.

"I enjoy a bit of destruction here and there," Loki shrugs.

"Tony, you spoiled her," Bruce sighs.

"Yeah, might be… who cares?" Tony snorts.

"You obviously not," Bruce huffs.

"Yeah. Let's blow up some more stuff," Tony claps his hands together excitedly before he clicks on one of the screens and suddenly "Eye of the Tiger" booms over the loudspeakers.

"Seriously?" Bruce turns to him annoyed.

"Just getting us into the mood," Tony smirks. Bruce rolls his eyes. Loki frowns, Midgardian music is really a funny thing. And Tony doesn't care. He walks up to the first module and sets the timer, then steals back to the other two behind the safety glass before the machine fires off the next blow which shakes the room.

Tony, doing a bit of happy-dance, smiles, "That is soooo cool!"

"That was five percent," Bruce blinks at the screens.

"And we almost deep-fried that wall!" Tony laughs excitedly.

"Very scientific, Tony," Bruce shakes his head.

"Well, if this almost ' _deep-fries_ ' the wall at five percent, we are facing a new challenge," Loki says drily.

"Right, how do we test the one hundred if this is already destroying the room?" Bruce nods.

"We could just go outside," Tony suggests.

"Great way of thinking, so that anyone can see what we are up to?" Bruce huffs.

"Well… yeah? We could make it a great party," Tony smirks at him smugly.

"How far is the shield technology that you have worked on, Stark?" Loki asks suddenly.

"All done and be-autiful," Tony boasts.

"Can't we try to use that to buffer the impact, at least?" Loki gesticulates at the apparatus.

"Hm, good thinking, but it won't shield everything, that's for sure. The output is just too great," Tony nods. He likes her way of thinking, at least when it comes to sciences and machines.

"We could connect a few in series," Bruce suggests.

"Right. If they have independent energy resources… we might at least be able to buffer enough to make sure we don't… _deep-fry_ the entire building," Loki shrugs.

Tony quickly calculates, "Hm, that would be… thinking about it… at least ten for starters."

"Thirteen if you keep in mind that there might be fluctuations," Bruce argues mindfully, tapping his chin.

"I don't have that many in store yet," Tony grimaces. Who could have guessed that they might become necessary to hold new weapons of theirs at bay?

"Then you know what you gotta do," Bruce smirks, clapping him on the shoulder.

"What?" Tony blinks at him, so Bruce explains nonchalantly, "That's your baby and you're the gearhead, that means… Loki and I will catch a break while you make sure we have at least thirteen of those."

"Seriously?" Tony cries out exasperated.

"Yep," Bruce smirks at him. Loki shrugs.

"I thought you were on my side now," Tony mutters in Loki's direction, who replies with a shrug of her shoulders, "I'm on my side... which happens to be his for now."

"As team members, you suck," Tony grumbles.

"We put up with you, that's enough," Bruce huffs playfully. He links arms with Loki and smirks, "Shall we go ahead, dear?"

"Oh, yes, please. Lead the way," Loki snickers. And with that the two leave Tony to himself.

"They just left me...," Tony mutters under his breath, mocking exasperation. He scratches his head before making his way to the lab... building more shields. As he goes, he lets "Eye of the Tiger" play again.

* * *

After some more hours of more or less intense work, Tony, Bruce and Loki are back in the test room, now with thirteen of the new shields lined up in front of the wall.

"You can thank me for that now," Tony snorts.

"... only once this works," Bruce huffs.

"It was her idea," Tony thumbs at Loki.

"It's your shields," Bruce argues.

"Yeah, no, my awesomeness should actually do," Tony shrugs smugly.

"Let's just get started," Loki shrugs. Tony sets up the shields while Bruce and Loki are booting up the module.

"I'm ready if you're ready," he snickers.

"Okay, test number one, seventy percent intensity... in 4, 3, 2, 1... Go!" Bruce does the countdown. All hold their breath in anticipation. The weapon goes off. The three hold their breaths as the energy beam hits the shields.

"I think it's working," Bruce says, observing the diagrams.

Loki, observing the screens, nods, "We're all the way to shield eight. Fluctuations within the limits. Energy output is stable."

"Okay, now I say it: good job, Tony," Bruce puckers his lips, visibly impressed.

"I think I'm gonna cry, thank you," Tony snickers.

"Well, we can't tell yet. We didn't fire the full intensity by now," Loki argues.

"Killjoy," Tony grumbles.

"Okay, do we try out the one hundred?" Bruce suggests.

"Get it rollin', baby!" Tony says, making a victorious rocker pose.

"As Stark said before... we can always buy new... walls... floors... doors... houses, so... let's do it," Loki shrugs. And to the day, she still enjoys it when you destroy furniture or other unnecessary things. It might be that she gave up on the idea of world destruction, but she still finds destruction somewhat compelling.

"Okay," Bruce agrees, pushing some buttons on the panel to relaunch the program. They repeat the process. This time the entire apparatus is shaking due to the vast energy released. The three have to hold on to the tables so that they aren't blown back.

"Goodness sake!" Bruce gapes.

"Holy...," Tony stammers, blinking at the sheer power that just unfolded in front of their eyes. But that is when the beam finally dies and everything returns to, well, normal. The three exchange glances.

"Okay, I _so_ want to use that in the next battle," Tony says, pointing at the apparatus. The other two nod silently.

Loki takes off her goggles as she says, "I suppose the fittings come next."

"That is more of your department, though. As the girl of the team," Tony snickers. Loki rolls her eyes, nudging him into the side. The three glance at their module with a glitter of awe in their eyes. That is their achievement - and hell, does that feel great? Yes, it does.

* * *

The rest of the Avengers make their way into the room, after Tony called them, or well, yelled over the headset like a five-year old boy who wants to show the worm he's found to his parents.

"Okay, whatcha got? I thought Tony was going through the roof when he called," Clint grimaces.

"Oh, I did," Tony smiles broadly at him. If they didn't know better, they'd think he's on acid.

"He's just very excited," Bruce grins.

"No shit," Clint huffs.

"Well, we gathered here today to celebrate our newest creation's birth...," Tony declares dramatically, raising his arms above his head to give it a show, to which Loki sighs, "We have the prototypes ready, now we have to accustom them to your parameters."

"Right," Bruce nods. "So, Natasha and Clint, you go with Tony, he's got your fun stuff, Captain, you're coming with me, and Thor, you go with Loki."

The God of Thunder can't hide the frown for a second, but if he is feeling discontent, he is at least making an effort to hide it. The other team mates follow suit and walk up to the tables to take a look at the shiny new toys.

Loki turns to him calmly, "Before you ask, I actually requested this, since I have best knowledge of Mjölnir and its properties, which is why I was the main constructor."

Loki is actually almost past the point where she wants to run away when he sees him. The urge is still tingling in her toes from time to time, but the prospect of the new weapons outweighs that sensation. And it didn't go without her notice that Thor is seemingly, well, _trying._ If this means that cooperation is possible again, Loki would be the last one to deny it.

"I see," Thor nods.

"Okay, so this is the asset we came up with," Loki says and points at the object on the table. Thor eyes it curiously.

"Could you put your hammer down on the table so that I can show you how to attach it?" Loki asks.

"Of course," Thor replies hastily. He puts Mjölnir down. Loki takes the enhancer into her hands.

"Those arms make sure it stays in place and isn't thrown off due to impact," she tells him, her eyes solely on Mjölnir. "All you have to do is to put it down on the top and then twist the panel in the middle, clockwise."

She does so and the arms, on their own, grasp the edges of the hammer and tighten until perfectly in place. The circular panel in the middle shines in bright blue and white.

"If you wish to take it off again, you just turn it the other way around," she explains. "Once we do the last fitting, we will customize it in such a way that only you and us can turn it off or on, through a scanner. That way we make sure no one just comes up to you and messes with your hammer."

"I wouldn't let him anyways," Thor smirks.

"Of course," she huffs. "So now... once you have it attached, it activates, the light goes on, and it is ready for battle. We designed the enhancer in basically two ways. For one, it will increase your powers. I don't think this needs much explanation."

"It makes the attacks stronger," Thor nods. Even without understanding the technique, he understands the effect.

"Exactly," she nods her head, making her raven curls bounce. "When you use it, you will realize the increased strength, though, so... hold on tight until you are used to it."

Thor smirks.

"But, it does more than that. The idea came to me when I thought about the time I... came back," she explains, biting her lower lip for a second, but then carries on in a casual voice. "Mjölnir can only make use of a certain type of energy - lightning, thunder, and some magical attacks."

"True," Thor agrees.

"Well, this apparatus will allow you to convert a greater spectrum of energy, which includes what I had to transform for you the last time. The rule of thumb is... anything that's shining like light... you can probably use," she shrugs. At least that was the idea behind it.

"That... is great," Thor blinks at her, honestly impressed. Of course it doesn't come to him as a surprise that Loki is that intelligent to carry out such a task, but the trickster's creativity and foresight amazes the thunderer to the day.

"Well, that is still in theory. We have to see how it works when we bring Mjölnir and the amplifier together. For that," she tells him before she gesticulates for him to come along. "Would you follow me? We will get you some energy to absorb."

Thor follows the petite woman into a separate test room of the Mansion. There is probably more test rooms than living rooms, though Loki never bothered to ask Stark about it. It's not like she actually cares, for as long as she has enough room to run her tests - and a room for her own.

They enter. In the room's center stands a huge apparatus.

"This here is pretty much a converter," she explains, pointing at the machine. "It can send out kinds of energy, but those that are based on, well, what Mjölnir needs. We will start with real lightning to see about the enhancement and if everything goes according to plan. If this goes well, we will carry on with other kinds of energy to see if you can convert and use them."

"Do I have to use it differently?" Thor asks.

"Not that I know," she shrugs her frail shoulders. "At least we hope that you don't. Perhaps you have to swing it the other way around, but I suppose we will find out once it's started. Just follow your intuition."

"Good," Thor smiles.

"Good," Loki grimaces, still too uncertain to actually smile at the thunderer. She turns on the heel to get behind the safety glass, her hands swiftly dancing over the control panels. A moment later, Loki's voice rings over the loudspeaker, "Okay, I'll count down from five to one, then we start. Are you ready?"

Thor grins at the challenge, "Bring it on."

"5, 4, 3, 2, 1 - go," Loki says, rolling her eyes. Some things truly never-ever change.

Lightning starts to leap out of the machine. Thor swings Mjölnir once, twice, a big smile flashing over his face. Loki knew that this would get even Thor excited. Anything that means more power is something he will automatically appreciate and enjoy. The amplifier sends the first lightnings through the room and even the thunderer has to take a step back at the suddenly strong impact.

"We are at 80 percent now. Is it too much?" she asks.

"No. More!" Thor grins, his eyes shining brightly against the lightning leaping through the room.

"90 is coming," she tells him.

"Go to 100," he argues.

" _Of course_...," Loki snorts. Just like a child. She turns the intensity up to the 100 percent anyway - and gladly, Thor doesn't deceive her hopes. The lightning shakes the entire room, the thunder rolls. It's just what they wanted, just what she had pictured and weeks now. And for the first time since a long time, Loki feels as though she produced something of actual use. This is real matter, real energy - and it helps. Even if she still hates it to be helpful... the part that doesn't hate it likes it.

"Okay, I think this works. You can stop now," Loki tells him over the loudspeakers. Thor makes another attack anyway before he lets the lightning die out. Already as a child he would always make another toss of the ball or run another lap when their Mother called, Loki remembers. Some things just never seem to change.

"Good, that seemingly works. Now we come to the probably more interesting part, the conversion. I will start with low intensity. Just do the same thing you'd do when absorbing lightning. I think that should do... don't tell me to bring it on... I'll just start in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, go," she tells him. Loki sends out the first energy sample. The trickster can't deny she actually feels anxious. She wants this to work, more than the sorceress likes to admit. At first... it was perhaps just, well, to contribute, but it is more than that now. Loki actually found herself waking up with anticipation to go to the lab and start on the next problem. Bruce _warned_ her that they would manage to get her there, but Loki doubted that ever since the day on the roof. However, she has to accept defeat, which is actually gain. Of course this is far from a perfect life or anything she had envisioned, but it's at least no longer paining as much. Thor is making an effort, even if Loki still suspects that the rest has to do with that. Even if so, it doesn't waver her. It's light, it's fragile, but Loki found something that might be worth holding on to: this project, and her new friends.

Maybe a _puppy-person_ after all...

Loki shakes her head to regain focus, just to almost jump in glee once she realizes that the module does what it is supposed to do - and doesn't _deep-fry_ the wall in any way.

"It's working," she smiles. "Okay, Thor? Can I increase the intensity?"

"Bring it...," Thor means to say, but Loki quickly interrupts him, "I know."

The test carries on after that - and her hopes, for once, are not deceived. This works. She was right... and they were right, with pushing her, admittedly. This is good. It is good for the team and good for herself. The trickster finally sees a kind of purpose in what she does.

Loki steps away from the safety glass. Thor turns to face her and says politely, "That is magnificent craftmanship."

"Well, there is still some fine-tuning to do, but... it's looking very well," Loki shrugs.

"That is a great contribution to the team and its safety," Thor smiles almost proudly.

"That was the main point," Loki huffs.

"I'm looking forward to using it in battle," Thor smirks, tapping his palm against Mjölnir a few times.

"Me, too," she replies honestly. There is a moment of silence between the two. And that is when both realize that even if they manage small-talk, the uncomfortable coldness in their necks is instantly back once they really face each other. This feeling that there is nothing left to be said, nothing more to hold on to. Many things can change, but some seemingly don't, or they take a way longer time.

Loki turns away sheepishly, "I suppose we should head back."

"Yes," Thor stammers. The two make their way back into the other test room where the others are eagerly discussing and toying around with their new weapons.

"Ah, Loki, there you are. How did the test go?" Bruce smirks at her - and Loki couldn't be gladder that Bruce always chooses the right moments to ask her a question to escape the uncomfortable situations with Thor.

"Very promising," Loki nods and hands him the panel with the records. "Here are the results. I think some more fine-tuning will do. How is it with the rest?"

"Well, for the Captain we still need some adaptations. Once it's supposed to shoot, it just throws him off his feet," Bruce grimaces, scratching the back of his head. "Natasha's and Clint's weapons are working just fine... and Tony is already goofing around with his. I don't expect him back for the next couple of hours."

"... we did tell him to stay in the Mansion, right?" Loki frowns, narrowing her eyes.

"When does Tony ever listen?" Bruce shrugs.

"True again," she sighs. _Never._

"Yep. I think we took that hurdle," he smirks before he turns to the others. "Alright, thanks guys. That's it for the day. We will call you in for the next fitting some time soon."

The others put the weapons back down, even if you can see that they would actually like to keep them already. They make their way to the door.

Natasha, as she walks past Loki says, "Great job."

"That is maginficent," Steve agrees as he joins Natasha. Clint nods as he leaves, Thor does the same.

Perhaps it's better that way.

"So, that leaves us two to the test, huh?" Bruce smirks, stepping closer to her.

"Actually, only you, my friend," Loki grins as she twists on the heel to face him.

"What?" Bruce makes a face.

"I already tested mine," Loki shrugs.

"What? When?!" Bruce stammers.

"... When you had a snack," Loki admits, mocking sheepishness.

"So you couldn't wait either?" Bruce sighs. He never took her for the type.

"You could put it like that. I would rather say that I just wanted to make sure it didn't do harm to anyone, so I volunteered to go first," Loki sticks out her tongue.

"Right," Bruce huffs, unable to hide a smile. It makes him happy to see Loki doing, well, normal things, like testing out the new weapons before it's time. That is normal. And if she smiles because of it, it's all good.

"I have to admit that the daggers do not meet the standards yet, though the chest plate was working wonderfully. It will certainly aid me in firing stronger attacks at the enemy," Loki nods.

"So...," Bruce grimaces, and Loki completes with a smile, "That means we test you now."

"Why am I not looking forward to this," Bruce makes a face, nervously fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. She claps him on the shoulder, "I suppose you are just afraid of me seeing you naked."

He grimaces, so she quickly assures him with a sweet smile, "I think this is going to work fabulously. If you want me to, I will play that music tune for you."

"You won't play 'Eye of the Tiger' or 'I'm Too Sexy for My Shirt'," Bruce narrows his eyes. Loki shrugs with a devilish smile. Tony did that last time they ran tests on the Hulk. In turn, the Hulk _really_ wanted to rip off Tony's face.

"Maybe some soothing lullaby," Loki suggests playfully.

"Or nothing," Bruce snorts.

"That is of course possible also," Loki shrugs.

"So... the super-safety room it is," Bruce huffs.

"Yes, it is...," Loki agrees. The two link arms and make their way to the (fairly) Hulk-proof room to do the last test.

It might be a small victory, but... it just feels so great.


	16. Making It the Headline

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone makes it the headline, title says it ;)

Tony comes into the lounge with the latest newspaper in his hands, the broadest of smirks on his face.

"What happened? Did they put up another picture of you or what gets you so dumbly grinning?" Natasha huffs.

"And why actual newspaper? You usually use anything in the digital version alone," Steve grimaces. He likes to read newspaper because it gives him a feeling of nostalgia, but Tony is definitely a child of the technology generation, no, he is its King.

"I love the smell of freshly print newspapers," Tony smirks before her turns to Natasha. "And... _no_... it is not about me, at least not entirely."

He flops down the newspaper in front of them. On the title page is a spread of their latest fight, and Loki is in the focus as she protects a girl while attacking one of the enemies. The headline reads: NEW HERO-IN(E) TOWN.

"Now, look at that. News made it official," Tony smiles gleefully. Loki leans back in her chair with a shrug, not impressed in the least.

"Why exactly are you so excited about that? She's on the team in a while now. Or didn't you get that memo?" Clint huffs.

"Of course she is, but no one's taken notice of it yet, from the public side," Tony argues.

"Kinda makes sense because most of those ops were secret ops, and not in town," Natasha argues. The operations they had until now never demanded that Loki was shown in public, well, until the mission they had here in New York.

"And that's why this is so cool. I mean, the picture is pretty neat, especially since I'm flying by in the background," Tony grins broadly, pointing at the picture. Natasha leans over it, narrowing her eyes, and then retorts sarcastically, "You mean that tiny red dot over there? Oh, no, that's just a grease stain."

"What-ever," Tony rolls his eyes, but then turns to Loki instead. "So? What do you say, Loki?"

"I find the headline little appealing, and that is an overstatement. It is absolutely dull in my opinion. For a tabloid befitting, but not exactly of intellectual greatness, hm?" Loki huffs.

"I give you that, but c'mon. This is so cool. You have to regard this as your... baptizing, pretty much. You know, you have to be in the news once before you are on the team, pretty much. So whatcha say about being officially on?" Tony asks, still overly excited for a reason Loki honestly does not come to understand.

"I was _officially on_ ever since Master Fury approved my status as an active member. I even have that in my contract, you know," she rolls her eyes at him.

"Yeah, no, but about everyone knowing that you are one of the good guys now?" Tony smiles.

"One of the good guys, _really?"_ Loki huffs.

"You can't deny that you are no longer feeling the power of the dark side," Tony argues.

Loki shakes her head, "Sadly not, for that would have saved me that foolish pop culture reference."

Tony snorts. He still tries to get her into his favorite movies and music, but the little witch is very persistent, even if she actually watches are listens to something now more regularly, though she always underlines it is just in the service of science. _As if_.

"And anyways," she exhales. "If people knew that I actually was not one of the good guys before... we would have a very big problem, since that would mean that I was uncovered."

"Okay, given, but... still, c'mon, now comment on this piece of epicness already!" Tony debates childishly.

" _Epic_ , really?" Loki huffs. She actually likes to play this game with Stark. He always tries to convince her of something he enjoys or likes very much, and she just keep rebuffing him. It's honestly funny just how persistent mortals can be at times. And it never ceases to amaze her.

"Well, maybe not as epic as _my_ first appearance as Iron Man, but... this is a damn neat picture with all the flames, then the small kid in your arms, the flashy new weapons, the pose, totally cool. I mean, not all of us got so cool intro pics," Tony argues.

"Hm, my comment: I find it funny that they chose this of all pictures... after all, I ate that child once the fight was over," Loki snorts, leaning back in her chair, a devilish smile on her face. All got used to Loki's morbid humor at times, and all actually smirk at her comment. They can still vividly remember how she tried anything to protect this child from getting caught in the crossfire of the battle. She truly acted like a heroine that day, but of course... Loki remains a stubborn little thing. She just _has_ to leave the impression alive that she is one tough bone after all, who gives a damn on everyone and everything, even if that is probably about as farthest from the truth as it can get, so all had to learn about her by now.

"Hm, hm... well, Fury will be pleased that they did not name you _Loki_. That would confuse people, you know. And I think is always cool to have an alter ego and some badass nickname. No offense, Thor," Tony smirks at Thor, who just shrugs. That is nothing that burdens him, really.

"What's her nickname, then?" Steve asks curiously.

"Jade Eyes," Tony declares.

Loki, leaning back in her chair, blows air through her lips up her forehead to make her curls bounce in the airstream, "And here I though the headline was unoriginal... now, _this_ really tops it."

"There's still worse. One guy is called _the Thing,_ " Natasha huffs.

"Hm, perhaps if I were capable of pity, he'd get it from me. My ears could potentially bleed from such foolery," Loki grimaces. As creative as some humans can be... as little can be some of these. And for some reason, so Loki figured, those people somehow seem to make it to the Yellow Press, always.

"Anywho, isn't this totally amazing?" Tony jumps up and down like a five-year-old.

"... well, SHIELD did not come to lecture me about my 'official appearance'... so I suppose it could be called a kind of success, but... just _a kind of_ success," Loki replies coolly.

"As I said, _totally amazing_. I think I will frame this," Tony says, picking up the newspaper again. He holds it out in front of him to glance at the paper again.

"Why would you frame it?" Natasha makes a face.

Tony, as if it was the most obvious thing on earth, tells her, "Coz this is... totally... amazing..."

"Asking for reason when it comes to this guy is a lost cause anyways," Clint shakes his head.

"True again. Yeah, Stark, you should _definitely_ frame it," Natasha snorts.

"I know... gladly, I bought all in store," Tony smiles gleefully.

"Why would you do that now?" Steve blinks at him.

"That is Loki's first official appearance. That means... some ten years from now... collector's piece," Tony explains, holding up his index finger in a lecturing manner.

"You are multi-billionaire. What do you care?" Clint frowns.

"I just think that we should hold the first editions of all franchise," Tony shrugs, as though that was the most natural thing on Earth.

"But that is...," Steve means to argue, but Natasha nudges him into the side harshly, "Stop asking him, or he'll keep talking."

"Right," Steve turns to Tony with a big fake smile. "Great idea, Tony."

The others settle in their usual banter as Loki fidgets for one of the newspapers, glancing at the picture once more, the smallest of smiles flashing over her face. She – one of the good guys, now officially, approved by human society. It must be really epic irony that this is her new life now. If this is the Gods' doing, then this is perhaps their kind of humor to teach her a lesson. Which one? Loki is not quite sure yet, but she can't deny that she starts to like this kind of lesson... after all, the picture really looks... _good_.


	17. The Invitation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, for all those who might ask themselves when Thor and Loki finally start with real Thorki... you will get it very soon. I just thought it would be only appropriate to "give" them time to figure themselves out, especially Loki. I suppose those two really have a long way to go, and that only works when you get used to each other again, finding a common ground. 
> 
> I hope you'll stick around nevertheless ;)

Natasha and Loki are hanging out in Loki's room after Natasha gave her another lesson in SHIELD-approved combat. The two actually learned to enjoy that activity together. For Natasha it's a great way to spar with someone, and Loki gets a chance to let her anger out, if only just a bit, and she has company, something that she really starts to enjoy foremost about her stay on Earth.

Loki sits on the bed while Natasha plopped down in the armchair, sipping some water.

"So... you know that Stark is throwing this overly lame banquet thing...," Natasha sighs.

"... if it is so _lame_ , as you say, then why are we discussing it?" Loki frowns at her incredulously.

"Coz all Avengers have to attend, for prestige and publicity and all...," Natasha rolls her eyes.

"Aha," Loki makes her face, which makes Natasha gape at her, "... _wait_ , you don't know about this?"

Loki cocks an eyebrow at the other woman, "... was I supposed to?"

"Stark is so gonna get it for forgetting to invite you. I'll tear him a new one, that's for sure! God, sometimes I can't believe this guy!" Natasha exclaims. Normally, she doesn't freak like that, of course, but with Loki... Natasha actually feels protective of her in some way. The attempted suicide, as sick as it sounds, somehow brought them closer together. She thinks of Loki as a friend now, and if someone is rude to her friend, even an otherwise composed and calm Natasha Romanov may lose her nerves.

"Wait," Loki holds up her hands in surrender. "Ah, now I remember. Isn't it this?"

She flips her hand and a card flies to her, from over the nightstand into Natasha's hand. She glances at it and nods, feeling relieved, "Right, that's the invitation."

Good for Tony, that means he won't die tonight, at least not for that reason.

"I was irritated because you referred to it as a _banquet_. Here it says _masquerade ball_...," Loki explains. To her, that's two perfectly different things.

"Ah, now I got you," Natasha gesticulates. "Yeah, no, Stark is just having this weird little perv fantasy of all girls showing up with masks."

"The men don't?" Loki makes a face.

"He said he had that once and he bumped into a table quite ungracefully... which means that he hit himself right in the crotch, real hard, so Pepper told me," Natasha huffs. Both smirk at that. _Yeah..._ that fits.

Natasha goes on, "Well, he thus made even more of a fool of himself than he is anyways. Stark figured that maybe masks on men were not the best friends, but still found it cool on the girls which is why he decided that only the girls wear masks. For that the men have to wear something else that's stupid, like gloves or so... changes due to mood. You know Stark."

"All too well already," Loki rolls her eyes.

"Well, this year, all guys have to wear a pocket square in a flashy color instead of a flower," Natasha shrugs.

"... well? Now what about it?" Loki grimaces.

"Are you coming, too?" Natasha asks.

"Not really. I thought this mail was by accident anyways," Loki shakes her head.

"What? No, you gotta be there!" Natasha exclaims. She actually didn't think it was a questions.

"Why?" Loki blinks at her. This is not making any sense to her. A moment ago, Natasha asked her if she wanted to go, but now it sounds like she never had a choice from the start. Then why did she ask? Even if Loki is making any effort to learn about human society, some things still confuse her.

"Because all Avengers will be there. It is an official meet'n'greet, pretty much," Natasha tells her.

"Master Fury wants me to keep it low, so I would do better to stay home, don't you think?" Loki makes a face.

"Don't worry about Fury," Natasha huffs. "If it really were that much of an issue, we would have had SHIELD in here before Stark could have dropped that on your nightstand, trust me. You earned yourself the night out, even SHIELD sees that. You are one of us. Heck, they even produce your franchise. There's a friggin' Jade Eyes Doll with daggers which sells better than those godforsaken Barbies. I know you sometimes don't like the thought, but you are on the team in a while now – and you won't get out of it that easily ever again."

Loki smirks at her.

"... and if I have to go on this overrated meet'n'greet, then you don't get around it either!" Natasha shakes her head with a smile.

"I don't know. I rather stay on my own, you know that," Loki sighs.

"Ugh, now don't make me beg you," Natasha sighs. "Now I finally have someone other than Pepper to talk to at the party who doesn't have a penis – and you won't do me the favor?"

"So you can only talk to... people without a penis?" Loki makes a face.

"You know what I mean. The guys are the guys... heck, they burp and find it funny!" Natasha grumbles.

"You can count yourself lucky you never had to attend Aesir festivities. There it is really good tone to do just that... And Thor always _won,_ " Loki huffs. Even when she was still Loki of Asgard, the crown prince, Loki never liked these feasts. To watch Thor making a fool of himself by drinking himself to oblivion and further, just to burp, gloat, holler a song out of tune, dance with the Warrior Three, or rather hop to some rhythm, and then chase skirts... just to repeat the process, if not interrupted by some jest and what mortals coin as "bar fights". No, Loki never fancied these.

"See?" Natasha gesticulates. "Girls have to stick together when we are already forced to put on a show for the sake to make men gape at our fancy outfits."

"That is of course true...," Loki tilts her head at her.

"And you know how glad I was to finally be no longer the only female Avenger? I have no trouble standing my ground, you know that, but it still sucked until of late to be the only one with the female perspective. Which means you are my team on the Avengers team. It's only fair of you to share that pain with me," Natasha tells her.

"I don't know," she grimaces.

"Is it coz of Thor?" Natasha asks, now more sincere.

"What if it were?" Loki huffs defensively. Even if she considers Natasha one of her closest friends, Loki does not fancy to receive yet another lecture about how she has to talk to Thor, how he has to talk to her, that they have to resolve this in some way, that they should... eat ice cream and reconcile - Tony's idea. As much as she appreciates it that the others care for them so greatly, Loki doesn't like it that her business is made public in that way. It's a private matter, something between Thor and her - and she wants to make those decisions for herself, by herself - and not because someone finds it the right time now.

"Then send him to Hell. I know that you two are still having dozens of problems with, well, _this_ , with everything, but... he should come to terms. And just coz he is there doesn't mean you cannot go, okay?" Natasha tells her. And how much Loki wished she could just do that, send him to Hell, and with him all those problems between them, but... she can't.

"I just don't want to have yet another tête-à-tête with him. As of late, things were okay - and we didn't try to kill each other. But... I think we just need the right trigger to jump right back in. We had so much of fighting, it's too tiring, really," Loki admits.

"Hell, that isn't like you!" Natasha argues. "Loki, where is the mischievous mastermind who gave a damn on everyone – and stepped on as many toes as she could, huh?"

"That's still me. It's just that I... I have spent such a great deal of time pissing Thor off, chase him away, keep him away, push him away... I am tired of it myself. He just doesn't get past our issues, no matter what I do, no matter what I say. Or what you say," Loki shrugs, glancing at her female friend. Natasha bites her lower lip. Of course Loki would get the hint that the team tried to mediate between the two.

"I mean... Thor has been trying since you talked to him. Tthat means something, a lot. I know that man for almost all my life. It takes very much to make him move, make him change. He is very set in his ways, and in that we share a common trait. We are both stubborn fools. That he actually made a step... _forward_... by trying to accept me around and... as _this_... I have to appreciate that, because I know how much that demands from him," Loki sighs.

"So what? You just give in?" Natasha grimaces. Because she doubts that this could ever possibly happen when it comes to someone like Loki.

"I never give in, totally. I like the strategy to allow a small defeat to win the war," Loki manages to smirk.

"Then why don't you use this chance to kick his ass, have a small victory instead?" Natasha suggests.

"I might, perhaps," Loki smirks, tapping her chin with her index finger.

"As I said, even if the banquet itself is _totally_ lame, it's one of the few nights off we get here, as Avengers... and where we just get to party and be simply people, really. You should use the opportunity to get out and not cave in here, coz you are likely doing that," Natasha argues.

"Because I like it," Loki shakes her head.

"No one can read that much and not grow tired of it," Natasha makes a face.

"I did that for the past centuries... and didn't grow tired yet," Loki debates.

"C'mon," Natasha huffs.

"I really like my work here, and reading," Loki insists.

"No wonder you are as pale as your are. You hardly see the sunlight with the kinda attitude," Natasha snorts sarcastically.

"... funny, Thor used to say that when we were still smaller, too," Loki whispers softly. Thor would always stand there, covered in mud (sometimes also blood) and tell his brother to come along, play with him, fight with him, accompany him and the Warriors to some quest, a mission, a trip. And only Thor managed to make Loki leave the libraries behind. He went only with him, only Thor brought him out of the library.

"C'mon, now don't leave me hanging here. I don't wanna beg you," Natasha pouts.

"Fine, okay, count me in," Loki gives in. She knows that Natasha won't let this go. She'd probably go ahead and make Fury force her to go for publicity reasons.

"Awesome," Natasha smirks. Loki grins back at her.

"Okay, so we have to get you a dress and a mask, still. We can go shopping if you want. I don't mind," Natasha suggests.

"No, that's not needed, thank you," Loki shakes her head gently.

"What? You just wanna go in jeans and shirt? I mean, it's a fashion statement, but I don't think that will make a lasting impression," Natasha makes a face. After all, Loki actually learned to enjoy clothes. She goes shopping with Pepper and her regularly.

"I actually don't need special clothing," Loki smirks.

"Huh? Why do you go shopping with us, then?" Natasha frowns.

"It's enjoyable," Loki smiles honestly. "I like your company."

Something she actually learned on Earth is that sometimes you do something that may not be productive... just so that you are around those people you like. Loki plays chess with Bruce because both enjoy the game, though Loki could always win if she really wanted, or actually tried. She enjoys his company, and _that's_ why she does it. Loki actually brings herself to listen to Tony's music and helps him with the designs because he, somehow, makes her smile with his goofy nature at times. She likes to watch old movies with Steve. And even with Clint she spends some time now, since she took a liking to archery and wants to learn it, too. She doesn't do this to have productive, palpable gain, but simply to be around those people. Spend time with them, get to know them. If they are supposed to be her reason to live... she has to make the effort, or so Loki figures.

"Why don't you need clothes?" Natasha asks skeptically, narrowing her eyes.

"I am a shapeshifter. I can shift the shape of clothing also," Loki shrugs.

"Oh, oh wow, okay, I never thought about it like that, but yeah, sure... that makes sense," Natasha scrunches her nose. She sometimes forgets that Loki actually is, well, a God.

"So... when is that _lame_ party?" Loki asks.

"Tonight," Natasha nods.

"Ugh," Loki exhales, covering her eyes with her hands.

"C'mon, we'll give it a show just to annoy the rest," Natasha huffs.

"Are you going with Master Barton?" Loki asks, looking up again.

"Someone's gotta," Natasha shrugs.

"He's about as antisocial as I am at times," Loki smirks, and that is honestly something that she enjoys about the man.

"True, which is why I'm so kind to take him under my wing," Natasha snickers. She glances at Loki briefly, before she holds up her hands. "Oh, but if you're worried about us being there together and you being the fifth wheel or whatever, don't think about it. We only meet there, we don't even arrive in the same car. So it'd actually be nice of you to go with me so that I don't have to drive there alone."

"If that is what you wish, Lady Romanov," Loki nods.

"Yeah," Natasha smirks.

"Alright... then we are going out for a mask ball tonight," Loki declares dramatically.

"Right," Natasha huffs.

This will be interesting.


	18. Masquerade Ball Pt I: The Dance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony throws a masquerade ball, well, according to Tony's rules. 
> 
> Many things happen, most prominently: Dancing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the chapter is a bit lengthy, but I didn't want to chop it down further.

A few hours later, Natasha and Loki, who is still in her causal wear, are in the limousine driving them to the banquet. Natasha wears a skin-tight petrol dress, shoulder free, black high heels with crystals on them, her hair is in a loose bun and she wears a fine silvery mask. The dress has a heart-shaped cleavage and goes up to half the knee before satin flows from it, giving it a fluid character, though it is really sexy with the deep cut back.

"You are nestling your neck," Loki cocks an eyebrow at her.

"Yeah. I actually had a necklace to go with the earrings, but when I put it on, it didn't match... and then it broke on tops. So now I'm going without and... I actually wanted one to go with the dress," Natasha sighs. Loki glances at her earrings for a second before suddenly a perfectly matched silver necklace appears around Natasha's neck, with rubies and sapphires.

"Oh... wow. That is one cool trick," Natasha gapes.

"You invited me, so it's the least I can do," Loki smirks.

"Thank you. Pity it's not real," Natasha puckers her lips.

"I guarantee you: a goldsmith wouldn't know the difference," Loki tells her.

"That's pretty sweet," Natasha nods. Really, it has its advantages to have a God on your side. Or two.

"I hope you like it that way. Or do you wish me to alter it?" Loki asks.

"No, no, no, it's perfect!" Natasha waves her hands in the air.

"Okay," Loki nods, easing back down.

"And you're not gonna... _change_?" Natasha frowns at Loki's "garment".

"I like to move around normally for as long as I'm allowed to. I will change once we exit the car," Loki shrugs.

"Still the diva, huh?" Natasha smirks knowingly.

"Fully grown. You know that I always want to leave a lasting impression," Loki snickers.

Natasha, glancing out the window, says, "Ah, there we are. Just so that you know, we are going through the side entrance, if you don't mind. Bruce and Clint want to meet us there – you know the doc doesn't do well with cameras."

"Sure. I would rather not want my picture all over the papers either. Master Fury told me to keep it low if possible, remember," Loki argues.

"Good point," Natasha agrees. "You will have your big show inside, then."

The car comes to a halt by the side entrance, where Clint and Bruce are already waiting for them, both dressed up in their finest tuxedos, looking tremendous in them. Bruce wears a violet pocket square, Clint's is almost silver. Natasha leaves the car first. She winks at Clint as he walks over, not trying to help her out, he knows better than that. Last time he actually wanted to, he had the stiletto heel right on his toes.

"You in a tux... still rare to see," Natasha grins.

"You got your weapons on you?" Clint smirks.

"That is no question, is it?" Natasha huffs playfully, pulling on the hem of her dress to reveal the holster around her calf. Clint chuckles softly. Natasha cocks an eyebrow at him expectantly.

"I guess I don't have to tell you that you look more than good in this?" Clint says.

"Nope, gladly I know that myself," Natsha snickers. Both step aside.

And that is when Loki, in a glimmer of gold and pure light, emerges from the car. Her dress reminds of Greek goddesses and muses: finest dark green silk folded around her body so that the fabric hugs her in just the right places, acting like a second skin to her beautifully framed body. The back is almost completely free, running all the way down to her lower back. Fine golden chains run over the back of the shoulders. Her breasts and torso are hugged by fine golden metal plaids outlining her frame even more, giving it a bit of the style you would actually link with Aesir fashion, though it is absolutely fashionable. The dress is cut in the front for her legs to move freely. She wears high heel sandals of gold with chains running up her ankles to half her lower legs. The dress has a deep cut cleavage, held together by the golden plaids so that nothing falls out. There is a long lacy train, flowing as though it is of water and air alone. A fine golden belt runs along her beautiful hips with a dip in the middle to stretch her torso, after that the dress falls freely over her waist. Her long hair is now in soft curls tugged up in a few places, giving her more of the look of a Greek goddess, golden chains falling down from a fine golden ring running over the back of her head, looking a bit like a halo. This is all accompanied by fine golden earrings with a emeralds at their ends and a golden mask of the finest golden swirls, creating wild patterns, putting even more focus on Loki's beautiful emerald eyes.

"Wow," Clint gapes. He looks over to Natasha, but then adds almost sheepishly, "I mean..."

"Nope, with you on that one: _wow_." Natasha agrees. Already after the first shopping trip, Natasha knew Loki had an eye for fashion, but that is... way more than that.

"Loki, that really you?" Bruce bows a little in front of the young woman to glance at her. She winks at him, "Could it possibly be anyone else, my friend?"

"No, you are one of a kind," Bruce chuckles. She smirks at him sweetly.

"Just as you are, my friend. I like the violet on you. Did you make that out of your Hulk-pants?" she jokes.

"You caught me," he laughs, holding up his hands mockingly. Both grin at each other.

"May I tell you that you look absolutely breathtaking?" Bruce smiles at her.

"Thank you, Bruce. I give that compliment right back to you. I like that kind of fashion on you a lot," Loki bows to him. Bruce winks at her, "Thanks. Well, to me it's always weird to suddenly wear such tight clothes."

He nestles at his neck indicating his discomfort. Loki smirks as she steps up to him to fix his collar. Her fingers flicker with magic once.

"Better now?" Loki asks. Bruce turns his head, the suit and tie suddenly feel much more comfortable. "Yeah. Thank you very much," he smiles happily. At least it's one problem less.

"Really, I like this kind of wear," Loki glances at the men another time.

"Whatcha mean?" Natasha frowns, to which Loki shrugs, "I feared that the festivities would call for a much more ridiculous fashion, as that of the times of Rococo. I really hated that century. Just filth attempted to look pretty... in some odd way with wigs and... ugh."

She shakes her head.

"You were there?" Bruce frowns.

"Of course. I didn't find the time all too compelling. You can't imagine the stench," she shudders once. Loki dropped the news by now that she traveled to earth before occasionally, but only for a few weeks' time each, or so she said. Though it always comes as a surprise when it turns out that she actually was there.

"So now again... I'm utterly relieved that now you wear much more fashionable clothes," Loki smirks.

"Well, one has to look its finest not to drown in your appearance," Bruce snickers.

"Thank you," she smiles. "But now, after having exchanged kind words, I think it's time for us to head to the party, no?"

"Right... yeah! This way!" Clint nods. He takes Natasha by the arm and they walk ahead.

"Dr. Banner, would do me the honor?" she holds out her pale hand to him. Bruce smirks before holding out his arm for her to hold on to.

"I think this is much more attention that I sought," Bruce says nervously. Loki pats his lower arm reassuringly, "Oh, Dr. Banner, I assure you that if we are running any trouble with that, I will zap you away before you can even turn green in the eye. You have my word for it."

"It's actually reassuring to have a magician at hand who can do that," Bruce smirks.

"At your service," Loki replies sweetly.

"Then we shouldn't keep them waiting, right?" Bruce suggests.

"Right," Loki nods. They go inside as well and soon enter the big hall, where hundreds of party guests are chatting, drinking champagne, or taking in the beauty of the decoration and the place itself. When Natasha and Clint come down the huge stairs with red velvet, all eyes are on them, for they are the Avengers and Natasha looks absolutely gorgeous, of course. However, the people soon return back to their groups to continue with conversation.

"Does Thor know that Loki is here?" Clint asks Natasha silently, to which she replies, "Only if you told him."

"Surely not. I don't dig being the punching bag for the Big Guy," Clint shakes his head. Natasha snickers as they walk downstairs, just to meet Tony and Pepper. She wears a black dress that tugs her body beautifully. The dress has a deep cut shoulder and she has a red mask on a stick to match her otherwise red jewelry and shoes. Tony is of course in the tux with a red pocket square that with petrol dots, but otherwise looks as he usually does: overly contempt with himself.

"Wow, Natasha, you look hot," Pepper smirks.

"You, too," Natasha grins.

"And when I say that, I get smacked in the head," Tony gesticulates.

"Live with it, Tony," Pepper huffs. Natasha and Clint almost immediately receive a glass of champagne from one of the waitresses.

Clint, looking around, whistles softly, "I must say, Stark, it's impressive..."

"I know I'm amazing," Tony smirks proudly, but Clint adds mischievously, "It's impressive that there seemingly was no bigger disaster yet."

Tony grimaces at him.

"Where is Bruce? I thought he wanted to come with you?" Pepper asks, glancing around.

"If he tries to sneak out, I'm calling security to drag him here!" Tony snorts.

"Yeah, yeah, he's on his way," Natasha assures the other woman, ignoring Tony's comment. "He's walking in with his date."

"What? I thought he was coming alone!" Pepper gapes excitedly.

"Nah, we found one last-minute," Natasha winks at her.

"Oh, that's great!" Pepper smiles. Suddenly gasps erupt in the ballroom.

Natasha leans over to Clint with a smirk, "Here they come."

Both turn to the show as Loki and Bruce arrive at the stairs – all eyes, really all eyes, on the beauty next to the professor. Bruce looks nervous for a second, but then she squeezes his hand ever so lightly, and he eases to her touch. Together they start to walk down the stairs, Loki walking as gracefully as a queen. Already as a man, Loki always had a dignified walk, that of a king, really. Everything else could fail him, but his walk, even in the most severe and losing situation never lost its dignity. And now... if she were to be crowned queen, no one would deny her that. She sets one foot in front of the other, shaking her hips just enough to give it a certain kind of sensuality, without overdoing it, though, and her feet almost seem to float over the stairs, not missing its target by just an inch, steady but feathery. Even with the long train, she runs no trouble.

Pepper, her eyes on Loki and Bruce, says, "Tony: Now you can say it without me smacking you."

"Wh, what?" Tony stammers.

"Say it," Pepper urges her.

"She looks... wow," Tony gapes.

"She looks more than wow. I mean... heck, if I were a guy, I'd try to make out with her, god, even as a girl I'd try to knock on her... this is just breathtaking...," Pepper shakes her head. Tony looks at her for a second, but then decides not to comment. Suddenly Steve is by their side, also in dress, but with a blue pocket square.

"Is that...," Steve grimaces.

"Loki? Yup," Clint smirks.

"Wow," Steve puckers his lips.

"Did you see Thor yet?" Natasha asks him. Steve points with his thumb behind him and Natasha soon spots the Big Guy, in a tuxedo and red pocket square with golden swirls, his mouth standing open in shock and awe. Natasha smirks.

Clint, leans over to her, "And?"

"I think he'll break the glass in his palm any second," Natasha huffs.

"Check," Clint grins as he looks at Thor also.

Loki and Bruce meanwhile reached the bottom of the steps. Loki confidently guides the doctor over to the rest of the group, whom she already spotted back at the stairs.

"Good evening, everyone," she smiles at them. The guys still gape at her, more or less.

"Loki, you look absolutely stunning,"Pepper smirks at her.

"She made that dress herself," Natasha adds.

"Really?" Pepper blinks at her incredulously.

"Magic," Loki shrugs.

"Can you make me one some other time? You should try out as a designer," Pepper snickers.

"This is actually a dress I used to wear for when I lived as a girl back a few... hundred years ago. I just altered it a bit here and there," the trickster explains.

"Don't degrade that dress. I just want to watch it in awe. Can you turn for me once?" Pepper asks her. Loki shrugs and does, as gracefully as ever, but immediately puts her hand on Banner's arm so that he doesn't feel left out. He smirks at her for the sweet gesture.

"How much will that cost me? Or rather... how much will that cost Tony?" Pepper narrows her eyes.

"Hey," Tony exclaims.

"Shush, if you wanna live," Pepper glares at him. Tony pouts something incoherent.

"Nothing much," Loki says to Pepper. "I will not sew it, so you just have to pay me for a cloth to make it from, though I would not want money for it anyways. I simply transform the cloth into the shape I want it to have."

"Is it okay if I confess my love to you now?" Pepper gapes.

"Hey!" Tony cries out exasperated.

"That's a girl-thing, Tony, don't even try to go there," Pepper snorts.

"But you look absolutely stunning also, Lady Potts," Loki assures her.

"Too sweet of you, but that dress... literally, Gods have made it, or one Goddess in particular," Pepper winks at her.

"Thank you," Loki bows politely before she turns her attention back to Bruce, "And I thank you for being so kind to walk me down the stairs. I know you don't enjoy that much attention."

"I've had worse before. I got to walk in with one of the three prettiest girls in the room," Bruce snickers.

"True, you did have worse. And I saw no tinge of green," Loki smiles. Bruce winks at her.

"I think Banner won the Prom Queen this time?" Steve grins.

"That is mean of you to say, Captain, with two more Ladies around," Loki scolds him.

Natasha and Pepper argue simultaneously, "Not at all."

"Humans can be really funny at times...," Loki shakes her head. Tony holds up a hand and a waiter comes with glasses of champagne. The waiter gives them all a glass. Tony holds his up ceremoniously, "To a good party!"

"To that dress!" Pepper adds.

"To good friends," Loki smirks.

"Cheers," all agree, clink their glasses together, and then take a drink.

"Well, I'll have to excuse myself. I have some more people to talk to," Steve says, clapping his hands together.

"Who'd be more interesting than us?" Tony huffs.

"Almost anyone he's not stuck to hang around with all day long?" Natasha snorts.

"There's actually some Generals and Admirals and a few veterans I really want to talk to. Is odd when the veterans are actually former colleagues," Steve smirks. "So I will catch you guys later."

With that the Captain walks off, answering his demands as one of the leading figures within the Avengers.

Bruce leans over to Loki, "Don't you want to talk to Thor also?"

"If I did, I would have, Bruce. Thank you. I enjoy your company very much," Loki tells him.

"And I do yours," Bruce winks at her.

"Then this is settled. If the God of Thunder decides that he has no need to greet us, then we don't greet him either. It might be a little childish, but he knows that I tick that way," the trickster shrugs.

Loki, when attending such festivities, always pays attention to the rules of politeness, already as a man. He always followed through the procedures. Greeted the guests, greeted close friends, family. Bowed to those of higher rank. Kissed hands and mumbled compliments. The only thing Loki used to harbor for himself was to come a little late, but only just to bypass the fuss about himself – or Thor's grand opening that usually overshadowed him. That simply was something the trickster wasn't willing to give himself. And now again, she knows that rules would demand from her to greet Thor properly, but it also demands from her the same way that he greets her. Actually, he is much more required than her, because he is the man. But here they are – and he won't even come up to her to greet her. If he can't bring himself to it, then neither can she, so Loki decided for herself. If he wants to play that game, she is in for it. Loki actually feels like it. It's as Natasha said: giving in is not like her.

"Oh, I don't mind. Just make sure I don't get caught in the middle of it," Bruce winks at her.

"You are the Hulk. What could really happen?" Loki huffs playfully. Bruce laughs out loud once.

Thor, meanwhile, is still trying to decide how to move his hands again. Or his feet. Or just one part of his body. His mind is simply not working, as though the parts just disconnected. When Loki came down those stairs... by the Gods, this was a piece of Valhalla transcended into this very moment. But then... the thunderer realized that she was walking in with someone else, and of course it's a close friend, yet... it made Thor's chest contract in jealousy and anger over her obvious choice to walk in with another man. This feeling only intensified at the fact that she wouldn't even have the piety to greet him properly. She seemingly wished to ignore him to mock him once again. By the Gods, this woman!

The God of Thunder grunts as he grabs a tray from one of the waiters, glaring at the man so hard that he just runs off, and Thor starts to pour the drinks down angrily. It's only because Jane and the others taught him not to throw the glass on the ground once he's finished. On earth you don't do that. So he just angrily puts them down on the tray again. Once Thor is done, he shoves it into the arms of the next best waiter to take away. At some point, he actually regrets that he didn't swing his hammer to travel to Britain to fetch Jane. Even if their relationship didn't last long, this would perhaps make him forget about his embarrassment. After a while, he feels a clap on his shoulder: The Captain.

"Do you intend on drinking all alcohol they have in this place?" Steve smirks.

"Your stuff is too weak. To make me drunk... it takes a lot more than that," Thor grumbles. And really, he lives up to his name - his voice sounds just like thunder rolling.

"Well, why do you still try, then?" Steve frowns.

"I do not wish to talk about it," Thor snarls.

"That bad, huh?" Steve grimaces sympathetically.

"One could say so," Thor sighs.

"I think Loki and Banner actually wanted to greet you. Why don't you go talk to them?" Steve suggests.

"I do not wish to talk to them now. I would not be good company at this point," Thor grunts.

"You are mad," Steve makes a face.

"She is not supposed to put up such a show," Thor narrows his eyes angrily.

"I think she could have walked in with a sack over the head and still would have had all attention in the world, Thor. She is a natural beauty," Steve argues.

"Still," Thor grumbles.

"And everyone is walking around in fancy clothes, why shouldn't she? I mean, is not like SHIELD forbids her that," Steve debates.

"Maybe they should," Thor grits his teeth.

"Why?" Steve questions.

"Everyone is looking at her," Thor snarls. Steve grimaces. It doesn't take a psychologist to see that Thor is straight-up jealous. And Thor doesn't want Loki to get that much attention because it means she gets attention from other men, which are... _contestants_. That is just the way a boyfriend acts when his girlfriend is revealing too much and is getting eye-sexed by all other men in the room. Well, figures he is mad... even if it doesn't figure why he is that mad, really, because... he is not her boyfriend, and he is technically not her big brother either, so... yeah, it's complicated.

"So I can't convince you to enjoy yourself with the rest of us?" Steve tries another time.

"I stand here fair and sound. Thank you, Captain," Thor says, biting his lower lip.

"Well, okay, fine, your choice. If you change your mind, we are over there. And I think Loki would really like to see you, man," Steve shrugs. With that the Captain heads off again, leaving Thor to his own dread. The party carries on. The girls are now by themselves while Tony took the guys to get a scotch at the bar, because he thinks champagne needs at least some _manly_ drinks to have full effect.

"... it's really that easy for you to do that with the dresses?" Pepper asks Loki, still not quite believing it.

"What? Yes. I'm a sorceress. It is in my nature, pretty much," Loki shrugs.

"She did my necklace, too," Natasha smirks.

"Wow. You really have a way with this. I mean... fine, you can create that kinda stuff, but you also put it together in a fitting way, right? So this means you gotta have an eye for that," Pepper puckers her lips.

"I spent hundreds and hundreds of years refining that skill. If I were unable to perform that by now, I would question my capabilities," Loki shakes her head.

"Still, love it," Pepper smiles.

"Uhm, I have to apologize, but I have to ask," Loki moves closer to them, almost uncertainly.

"What? Yes, sure, what is it?" Pepper frowns. It's always rare when Loki asks them anything, because... she knows almost anything.

"How is this held here?" Loki grimaces. Pepper and Natasha frown at her. Loki bites her lower lip, seemingly contemplating for a moment, but then she explains, "Midgard is one of the few realms I spent little time on, and the last time I did... well, it was a different time, and a different kind of celebration. I do not know of all customs you have now. How is it with your kinds of festivities? Is there only drinking and chatting or... is there something else to do?"

"Oh, that, well... no, there should be dancing later on," Pepper shrugs. Loki beams at them, seemingly happy about the news. As if on cue, the lights dim and the dance floor opens up, thanks to Tony's makeshift.

"Tony always needs a show, the little drama-queen," Pepper buries her forehead in her palm.

"How do you put up with him all this time, really?" Natasha makes a face. That is something she still fails to figure. Being friends with him is one thing, but if you are his girlfriend... you actually want to be around him... much longer.

"You gotta have hobbies, lots of hobbies, uhm, work, his credit card... and you have to tell him to shut up. And now that we are intimate... I can threaten him with _no-sex-for-you-if-you-don't-shut-it_. That works _miracles,_ " Pepper snickers.

"Good point," Natasha nods. Tony suddenly stands on a podium, grabs the microphone and smirks, "Good evening, Ladies and Gentlemen! Thanks for joining us for the annual Masquerade Ball, one of the best ideas I ever had, I'm bound to say. Either way, now the official, lame part is over and we get to party. So, get the swag in your body and go wild, people! The dance floor is now open! Have fun and bring this house to rumble!"

He makes his typical peace sign before jumping off the stage to join the girls. Clint and Bruce are somewhere in the middle between the women and Thor, who also drew closer because of the sudden fuss. Natasha walks up to Clint and takes him by the arm. He looks confused for a second, but knows better than to turn her down.

"I thought you don't like that all too much," Clint smirks.

"I just want to have a perfect view on what we are about to see. I think the next show is just ahead," Natasha snickers.

"More Thorki?" Clint huffs. Natasha nods, before turning around seductively.

"... you seriously said that out loud?" she grins.

"I'm really hanging too much around with Stark. He is the one to always ponder on it... this just... catches up to you," Clint sighs.

"Check," Natasha snickers. They turn around again, smirking at each other.

Tony, shaking his hip in her direction while snapping his fingers, "Pepper? Up for shaking the hips a bit?"

"You are so cute. The only dance you can is slow dance, and that quite awfully, and YMCA," Pepper huffs.

"My YMCAing is absolutely amazing," Tony insists.

Pepper shakes her head, "True, I became your girl only for that reason."

"I know. So now, let's YMCA a bit," Tony says.

"If you dare, I will run my heel right through your toes," Pepper narrows her eyes at him.

"Not just a bit of YMCA power?" Tony makes a face.

"I will kill you, slowly," Pepper smiles at him sweetly, though her voice is threatening.

"That's so mean!" Tony pouts.

"Loki, you join us?" Pepper asks.

"In a second," Loki nods. She makes her way through the crowd, her eyes meeting Thor's, glittering in the dim light as though made of gold. Loki walks further and further, but, suddenly, without even turning her face, moves right to where Steve and Bruce are standing.

"Bruce? I think you owe me my first dance, as my date for the night?" Loki asks him sweetly.

"Oh, I feel flattered. But I am not really much of a good dancer. You might just as well take someone else," Bruce argues.

"Bruce, do you wish to make me sad by turning me down?" Loki makes a face, faking sadness.

"I'd never," he chuckles.

"Then let's go," Loki says. "I bet you are just hiding your light under a bushel, my friend. Someone as smart as you should be able to figure the math behind something as simple as a dance. Captain, if you allow, I'd steal the Doctor away from you for a while?"

"I don't mind," Steve winks at her. Loki holds out her arm for Bruce to join and they both walk up to the dance floor.

"Did that just happen?" Clint grimaces.

Natasha laughs against his neck, "Thor looks like a soaked puppy."

Clint turns her around to get a view at it himself, just to snicker as well, _"Mad_ soaked puppy."

"Yeah," Natasha agrees.

"This is so much more amusing than this festivity altogether," Clint snickers. Natasha makes a face.

"And of course to have you here," Clint adds.

"Good safe," she smirks. "And I agree. That is just so much fun."

"Check," Clint grins.

"Check," Natasha chuckles. Meanwhile, Loki and Bruce made it to the dance floor.

"I fear I might step on your toes here and there, just so that you know in advance," Bruce warns her, clearly nervous.

"Gladly I am a sorceress. I can make my feet disperse. So even if you, which I still doubt, step on my toes, I shall not feel it," Loki assures him.

"Really convenient," Bruce chuckles. He never thought about it - but that's really a neat trick.

"And this one is rather easy. A simple waltz, Doctor. You know how that goes, right?" Loki encourages him another time.

"I remember vaguely," Bruce smirks. Loki draws him close as they take position, in the motion tugging at the hem of her dress so that it falls from her left hand – so that she doesn't stumble over it. The first beat comes and Loki motions Banner to move. Even if she leads, she lets it look like he is.

"Now, I knew there was a good dancer hidden in there," Loki smiles at him. Bruce smirks at her before she suddenly spins, a small gasp erupting from the crowd watching. She spins back into Bruce's arms.

Pepper tells Tony in a low voice, "Don't even think about it."

"Think about what?" Tony asks innocently.

"Spinning me like this: No to that," Pepper declares.

"I think I could do it," Tony argues.

"Sure. And I will end up in hospital. Cobbler, stick to your trade," Pepper huffs.

"Mehk-mehk-mehk," Tony makes a face.

"Wow... okay, did you know she was that good?" Clint puckers his lips as he watches Loki literally fly over the dance floor.

"I had a feeling... and she _did_ mention that she used to," Natasha think out loud. "Oh darn, she did that professionally in one of the realms when she lived as a woman. Now that makes sense. She seemed to really itch for a dance."

"Well, you can say about her what you want: Her dancing is really...," Clint grimaces, and Natasha completes, "Godly."

"Gladly we aren't too bad ourselves," Clint snickers.

"Check," Natasha chuckles.

Loki still smiles sweetly and happily at Bruce as he goes with her moves. She totally forgot how much she loved to dance, but now that she does it again, the feeling is right back. But then she dares to look around and bites her lower lip nervously, "I think I'm doing it again."

"What?" Bruce frowns at her.

"Drawing the attention to us," Loki replies sheepishly.

"Isn't that the point?" Bruce makes a face.

"Oh, I did not... really... it's just that I love to dance," Loki admits sheepishly. She glances at him – and you can see that she actually means it. He offers as warm smile, "That I can see."

Thor, meanwhile, drew closer, emptying the next glass of whiskey. Steve is standing next to him, to make sure the God doesn't do something overly stupid. Once Loki realizes Thor watching her with such a grim expression, her features harden a bit also, and she spins even madder, as though she flew over the dance floor, as though the ground would no longer hold her.

Steve shakes his head, "What is that between you and her?"

"It's nothing," Thor grits his teeth.

"Yeah, right," Steve huffs. Does Thor actually believe himself when he says that?

"She just means to make me mad," Thor grumbles.

"And I think it's working just fine," Steve mutters under his breath.

"What?" Thor turns to him.

"Nothing," Steve smiles innocently. Thor ignores the comment and continues to stare at Loki as she dances over the floor like a goddess, memories flooding in and out of him as he sees her. Stealing away, smiling. Smiling so sweetly.

The last beat comes and she leans deep down as Bruce holds her. She quickly recovers and straightens up in one swift motion, smiling sweetly at the doctor.

"I thank you for this lovely dance, Bruce. It is an absolute pleasure to have you as a partner," Loki smiles at him.

"I give the compliment right back. You made it look like I'm actually good at this," Bruce smirks.

"I just brought out your strengths, at least I hope I did," Loki shrugs.

"I did not land on my butt or Hulked out, so yeah, you definitely did," Bruce snickers. Loki leans down to give him a cute little kiss on the cheek, "Really, thank you."

"Absolute pleasure," Bruce winks at her. Suddenly he feels a strong hand on his shoulder. Thor towers over him, his cheeks actually blushed, thanks to his anger, his embarrassment, and the alcohol.

"Dr. Banner, if you'd allow, I'd take over," Thor grunts. Bruce and Loki look at each other confused for a second at the change of atmosphere. After a few seconds, her features harden as she glances at the thunderer, before turning to Bruce almost apologetically.

"Oh, uhm, sure, alright... I wanted to get a drink anyways. Thanks for the dance, Loki," Bruce grimaces. She grabs his hand softly one last time, putting on the sweetest of smiles. She doesn't want her friend to feel as though she gives precedence to Thor – because she is _not_. It is just that she knows better than to make a scene at a ball, and she knows better than to make this man angry in public, especially after he had a few drinks, even if she knows for a fact that Midgardian drinks don't have the same effect Aesir alcohol bears.

"I demand another one later!" Loki calls after him.

"Looking forward to it," Bruce waves at her. He walks up to Steve.

"This was... _unexpected,_ " Steve grimaces sympathetically.

"Tell me about it," Bruce huffs.

"Don't you want to steal your Prom Queen back?" Steve smirks.

"Hm, let me think about it... getting killed by the God of Thunder over a dance... nah, I don't think this is a fight I have to fight," Bruce jokes.

"I'd sit that out also. Here," Steve holds out a whiskey to his friend. Bruce takes it with a smirk, "Thanks."

"I hope this doesn't end in disaster. Thor has piled up in a while now. It might be he is just ready to burst out and make a scene," Steve bites his lower lip.

"I hope for him he doesn't. I think Loki would stomp him into the ground," Bruce shakes his head.

"And you'd help?" Steve smirks.

"I think the Hulk would," Bruce snickers.

"Is funny that you are so protective of her," Steve grins.

"She is a very good friend of mine. I mean, Thor is, too, but...," Bruce shrugs, but Steve understands, "You two have chemistry, easy as that. I get that. Have the same with Clint. Sometimes you just relate to a person."

"Right. And Thor...," Bruce sighs. "I know that Loki doesn't want a scene. She just wants to enjoy herself. And I don't like the idea of him destroying that for her coz of... I don't know what."

"Then let's hope he doesn't," Steve shrugs.

"Cheers to good hopes," Bruce raises his glass, his eyes still on the dance floor. Steve clicks his glass against his, also watching the dancers, "Cheers."

Bruce mutters some incoherent curses to himself as he downs the drink.

Thor, meanwhile, closed the gap between him and Loki and holds her very close.

"Good evening to you, too, Thor," Loki says grimly, narrowing her eyes.

"What are you doing here?" Thor says in a low voice.

"Having fun. I was invited," she hisses.

"I mean about...," Thor means to say, but that is when Loki hears the music start. She holds on more firmly, going into position. Thor gets the cue and swiftly moving along as they dance over the floor.

"Wow... for a guy his size, Thor isn't the almost worst dancer... I actually expected him to move more like a troll," Clint cocks his eyebrow at them.

"Yup," Natasha is bound to agree. "I mean, he normally ends up breaking things. Let's hope he doesn't break Loki."

"I think he wouldn't be so stupid to bring that on himself," Clint huffs.

"Check," Natasha snickers.

"I see you didn't unlearn how to dance properly," Loki says.

"It is demanded from a royal," Thor grunts.

"I still remember the dance lessons and how you complained," Loki chuckles.

"I did not like it," Thor shrugs.

"Because it kept you from training," Loki nods.

"Quite true," Thor agrees. He spins her around, lifting her off the ground.

"And I see you learned a few tricks here and there," Loki adds as she lands.

"True," Thor replies.

"... I missed that," she sighs, leaning a little closer.

"To dance?" Thor frowns at her.

"I rarely got the opportunity as of late," Loki shrugs. That is of course truth told: during the time Loki tried to take over Asgard, he hardly had the opportunity. Then Loki was with the Chitauri... and they don't seem to be the type. Then came the prison time... no dancing partners whatsoever. Then banishment on earth, which was mostly dictated by staying by oneself to be under the radar and regaining magic. And then came the time with the Avengers, which then was mostly defined by working, researching, reading, and staying in the house. So yes, Loki hardly had any opportunities to indulge in dance.

"... that's a point," Thor grimaces.

"I take it that you are mad at me for some reason, though," Loki huffs, fiercely turning around.

"Indeed," Thor says, averting his eyes.

"And will you tell me?" Loki demands.

"You are not supposed to present yourself like that," Thor grumbles.

"My intimate parts are well hidden, Thor, if that is what you are trying to point out. This fashion is just the same we wear in Asgard, except for a few adaptations here and there," Loki hisses. He can't be serious, can he?

"Exactly," Thor snorts.

"What?" Loki frowns at him. He swallows thickly before he brings out, "It reminds me, too much."

Loki glances at him briefly, before twirling into his strong arms, and back out again.

"Oh, right... I looked similarly," Loki says softly.

"Do you do this to taunt me again?" Thor demands, but she replies icily, "Not always does the world revolve around you, God of Thunder. Get that into your thick skull."

"Then why?" Thor asks.

"Perhaps because I like it?" Loki retorts. Does it seem that far-fetched, really?

"To taunt me, I'm sure," Thor huffs.

"No, to wear this. To be this. To dance," Loki hisses.

"You just do this to mock me," Thor insists.

"If I were, I would have appeared as a man, in that dress, and then would have asked for your hand, or perhaps I would have come naked, either way... _that_ is what I'd do to mock you," Loki narrows her eyes. Really, Thor should know better. This here would be far too easy - and wouldn't have the humiliation she'd seek with such action.

"Loki," Thor grumbles, but she hisses back at him, "Leave it alone, Thor."

"No," Thor shakes his head.

"I do not wish to argue with you while on the dance floor,"Loki says sternly.

"Then don't," Thor huffs.

"You are bringing me there. And I don't bite... at least not now," Loki snorts. She moves closer, her hips rocking against his. You can see that he likes it, but is embarrassed at the fact that he is.

"Stop this," he grumbles.

"Oh, c'mon, Thor. Now don't tell me you don't enjoy this," Loki huffs.

"I don't," Thor grumbles.

"You lie to the God of Lies, Thor. Remember your place," Loki sneers.

"You remember yours," Thor retorts.

"And here I thought that you could actually be social with me for just a night," Loki sighs.

"What now?" Thor grimaces.

"Thor, I am here to enjoy myself. You are the only one who is a poor sport here. You try to own me. I do not like that," Loki hisses.

"Own you?" Thor grimaces.

"I chose Dr. Banner to dance with me – and you just shove him off the dance floor to dance with me, like one of the brutes in Asgard who claim a maiden. You are marking your territory, you are marking me as your own. I do not like that, for I am not your property," Loki snarls, narrowing her eyes.

"I can't stand it," Thor grits his teeth.

"What now? Dr. Banner? He is a dear friend to us both!" Loki argues.

"I can't stand it to have others so close to you," Thor growls.

"As I said, you try to own me," Loki huffs. And he no longer has any right to own her.

"I can't get past it," Thor snarls.

"There is so many things you can't get past, Thor. If I paid attention to all of them, I would hardly have a life, still," she snorts. Thor holds on to her more than tightly, as though his movements were the extension of his words, replacing the words he cannot say, transmits the feelings he is unable to verbalize.

"It is because you regard me your sibling, still, isn't it?" Loki asks silently. Thor looks at her as she spins away from him. He pulls her close again and says, "You were my brother for almost all my life. That doesn't disappear. It's the past."

"Right, it's the _past_ , Thor. And you never seem to get it. I am no longer your sibling," Loki hisses. She spins around another time, drawing close to his face, her hands dancing over his torso.

"We don't share blood," Loki says.

"We grew up together," Thor retorts.

"So did Volstagg and Fandral and Hogun and the Lady Sif," Loki huffs.

"It's different," Thor insists.

"Could you see me for once for what I am? Who I am?" Loki asks, looking at him, her emerald eyes shimmering in the dim light.

"I see you for who you are," Thor says.

"No, you definitely don't. You don't. You still don't see me. Everyone was looking, you were not. What do I have to do to get you to really look at me," Loki snarls. She turns around again.

"I'm always looking at you – but I turn away so you don't see," Thor admits, biting his lower lip.

"Why?" Loki asks.

"It reminds me too much of that night," Thor says, averting his eyes.

"Then think of something else," Loki snarls.

"I can't. Because you are here," Thor argues.

"I won't leave," Loki sneers.

"I don't want you to leave," Thor admits.

"You said it was too hurtful," Loki snorts. That man is making no sense.

"It just reminds me," Thor bites his lower lip. Loki smiles into his chest before pulling off yet another figure. _Dull oaf_. They twist and turn erratically as the music draws to its end. Loki contemplates for a second. Normally, she would just leave the dance floor, to get away from Thor, but... she can't bring herself to it. No, just no. This ends tonight. One way or another. She made up her mind.

One last dance.

Loki, a smirk flashing over her face, says, "... even if I'm glad to dance... and Midgardian music bears a certain charm... I miss our Aesir music. It just has a different kind of force to it."

Thor grins back at her, pulling her close again. He knows what she is hinting at – and he feels the same. It's odd how music can actually change one's mood so effortlessly. Perhaps it's just the whiskey, though, Thor guesses.

"True, but for what do we have a sorceress?" Thor smirks. Loki grins back at him, wiggling a finger as suddenly a foreign beat hums throughout the ballroom. Most of the people look irritated, some even leave the dance floor because they don't know how to dance to the beat.

"Loki just messed around with my things," Tony pouts.

"So?" Pepper shrugs.

"I don't like that," Tony puckers his lips.

"And she doesn't like it that you always want her to change into a toaster. Does she complain?" Pepper retorts.

"I hope this is worth it," Tony grumbles.

"I bet it will be," Pepper smirks. Loki is just the person to amaze, so she learned.

Loki suddenly raises her arm in the air, throwing her head back, before she draws into pose after pose, her dress flying beautifully. She then, upon the first beat, puts her weight on her left foot, leaning forward very far so that Thor catches her only just as her body runs parallel to the ground. They stand like that for a second, before she suddenly flips over his shoulder to come back to back with him, making a few wonderful gestures with her hands and arms. She then spins around Thor to come up front again, only to start dancing into the beat, both their moves very strong and into the ground, loud, nevertheless graceful, riding into each other. Loki performs stunt after stunt, the dress never failing her. Thor holds her each time, catches her with absolute security. And in between, they are physically so close that you could mistake them for one person. Sensuality lies in the air, wafting over the dance floor like the most wonderful perfume. The music dies after a few minutes, leaving Loki to lean deep down, almost on the ground, only supported by Thor's strong hand. He lifts her back up and then applause rolls from the crowd. The two leave the dance floor – and the magic suddenly seems broken, again. As though the music was the only thing that held Thor and Loki together.

"I will get myself another drink at the bar," Thor grimaces. Loki nods, a little disappointed, but then decides to join the Avengers, who are seemingly waiting for her. She said it and she meant it, she wants to enjoy herself tonight – and even Thor won't destroy that for her, if she can help it. It ends tonight, she reminds herself.

"Wow, that dance... I never saw something like that before," Pepper whistles softly. Loki looks at her irritated, "Oh... was it really that bad? I thought people were fine with it, after all they clapped their hands..."

Pepper holds up her hands reassuringly, "Not at all, please! It was totally amazing, just... totally new to us! And that's what made it even cooler!"

"That's how we dance in Asgard," Loki shrugs. "The men just need a stronger beat to put their strengths to display. And women are also, for the most part, stronger in this realm, which is why the acrobatic figures play a great part in it. But it's mostly about the strong rhythm... and Master Stark, I apologize for violating your system like that. I could not resist."

"I'll let it slip this one time," Tony snickers. Pepper nudges him into the side, "Do that whenever you want."

"You are too generous," Loki snickers.

"If you don't mind, are you professional at this, Loki?" Bruce asks.

"I was for a while... on one of my voyages I came to stay at a... hm... what do you call it here," she taps her index finger against her chin. "... something like a _harem_?"

All gape, but Loki quickly carries on to explain herself, "But not with the sex, really, it was more of a temple full of dancers who danced for kings, in either fashion of where they came from or which one they wanted to see. And no, Stark, we did not do what you find in your funny striptease clubs. It just resembles what you'd probably pictures as a harem, for the setting, but I never would have become anyone's courtesan."

"Thank God, I already had a picture inside my head," Tony grimaces.

"It were better for you to leave it there," Loki narrows her eyes at him.

Tony, taking a sip of his Scotch, nods, "Already working on that."

"Either way, that's how I learned dances from all different realms. I did that for some eighty years, so one could say I have some experience," Loki explains.

" _Some_?" Steve frowns.

"Eighty years are the blink of an eye to our kind... just as are seventy, no?" Loki argues, but then turns to Steve with a smile. "Speaking of you, Captain, would you join me for a dance?"

"Oh, uhm...," Steve blinks at her, obviously caught off-guard.

"I intend to dance with all the Avengers at least once... except for Stark," she snickers.

"Hey!" he cries out, but Loki ignores him and says, "Maybe I bring myself to it, we'll see. Perhaps I just need to drink more... champagne... or Scotch... either way, it's actually a tradition in most realms I came to know that one shall dance with all members of one's own group. So... Captain?"

"I know better than to turn a Lady down, knowing what she can do to me if I dare," Steve grins.

"Oh, I wouldn't force you," Loki assures him.

"I know. No, honestly, it'd be a pleasure," Steve smirks. He holds his hand out to her to take. She curtsies lightly before taking it gracefully.

"Very well," she smiles. "So, if you'd excuse us? I have a feeling you will like this one."

Tony, mutters into his Scotch, "She's changing channels again."

"You are just mad she doesn't want to dance with you," Pepper huffs.

"She says so because she knows I'm with you, my dear," Tony snorts.

"She didn't exclude Clint," Pepper snickers.

"Oh, that...," Tony mutters under his breath.

The music grows louder on the dance floor, and a piece Steve actually remembers from before plays over the loudspeakers – Swing.

"I hope the choice is fine with you?" Loki smiles at him.

"Perfect," he winks at her.

"I have to say that I didn't do this kind of dance too often. So you will have to bear with me," Loki grins at him shyly.

"I didn't do much myself. As you might recall, I was frozen for some time and missed on many occasions for a dance night. I think we'll get through this somehow if we stick together," Steve smirks.

She smiles at him as they start, soon finding their rhythm and actually managing a wonderful Swing. They impress with perfect harmony, less with acrobatic and sensuality at that point. They work their way over the dance floor fast and effortlessly. Of course Loki impresses once again with her absolute gracefulness, and how easily her feet move to the quick beat.

"Didn't remember this to be so much fun," Steve smiles at the petite woman.

"In fact. This dance is very... funny!" Loki grins.

"I can't even remember the last time I got to dance a Swing," Steve makes a face.

"Last time I did... phew, that was some 500 years ago," Loki grimaces.

"What? The Swing is from my times," Steve frowns.

"... you really think you are so original? That very same dance was danced by the Shi-Un eons ago!" Loki huffs.

"Seriously?" Steve blinks at her.

"Well, yes!" Loki says. Both laugh at that as they continue to dance swiftly over the floor. Eventually the music dies, leaving them with big smiles plastered on their faces. The crowd applauds as they leave the dance floor. As they go, Steve leans a little closer to her, "Won't Thor be mad that you dance with others now again?"

"You are friends. I don't see the issue," Loki shakes her head.

"You know Thor...," Steve sighs.

"And he knows me," Loki argues angrily. "And it's tradition in Asgard also to dance with all members of the group. Furthermore, he knows that I am very stubborn. I have a plan of having fun tonight, and that includes dancing. So... he'll have to... how do you say? _Suck it up_?"

"Quite right. Okay, it's your decision, and your life," Steve agrees.

"Thank you," Loki nods. It's nice to hear that someone say.

They make their way back to the rest.

"I can't remember when I saw Loki that happy, actually," Natasha leans over to Pepper, who nods, "Right, she seems so... weightless suddenly."

"You know what that means, right?" Natasha smirks.

"That we three go to the dance clubs more often, yeah, if time allows," Pepper nods.

Loki and Steve comes up to them.

"Lady Romanov, may I steal your date for just a single dance now also?" Loki asks politely.

"Take him to as many dances as you please," Natasha waves her hands dismissively.

"I don't get a say in this?" Clint frowns.

"Nope," Natasha shrugs.

"Good that I asked, then," Clint smirks.

"Master Barton, would you do me the honor?" Loki asks politely.

"... sure," Clint nods. He takes her hand. Both head to the dance floor once again. She takes his hands and immediately draws him into the dance, a subtle, settled one, but she still pulls it off beautifully. Neither one of them says anything. There is just nothing to be said. Even if it was a long way there, they are now at a level of mutual respect – and that respect goes without words, something both enjoy.

"I thank you very much, Master Barton," Loki curtsies at him.

"Pleasure," he winks at her. Suddenly Tony stands there with that glorious smirk on his face, arms stretched out to the sides, palms up.

"I told you I don't want to dance with you," Loki huffs playfully.

"All Avengers. I am an Avenger. And hey, you say it's tradition," Tony argues with a smirk.

"Did you ask for Lady Potts' permit first?" Loki narrows her eyes at him.

"I don't have to," Tony snorts.

"You always do, though...," Loki smirks at him.

"C'mon, now you will dance with me," Tony declares. He draws closer. Both know it will happen anyways, but that is just their game.

"Unless it's this YMCA thing," Loki insists.

"You don't even know what it is," Tony argues.

"I have enough imagination to fill this space inside my head – and the imagination is enough for me not to like it," Loki snorts.

"Fine, slow dance, then," Tony shrugs. Both start to dance as a subtle ballad hums through the loudspeakers.

"If your hands slip down too deep, you know you will lose that very hand?" Loki threatens him.

"... now you kinda remind me of Pepper...," Tony grimaces.

"We both have a temper, so to speak," Loki shrugs. They continue in silence for a while.

"You really made something out of yourself," Tony says softly, not looking at her, though.

"I beg your pardon?" Loki blinks at him. Tony meets her eyes, then, "Well, look at you. You are definitely no longer the guy who wanted to blow up the planet little while ago."

"... of course, since for being the _guy_ who did something... I'd need a penis," Loki huffs.

"... let me rephrase it: You are no longer the _person_ who wanted to blow up the planet little while ago," Tony says instead.

"I hope for you this is a compliment. For my high heels can hurt, a lot," Loki warns him.

"I mean it _absolutely_ as a compliment," Tony smiles.

"Then thank you," she says in a soft voice.

"I mean... little while ago, I really thought this was all just a set-up," Tony admits.

"What makes you certain it isn't?" Loki huffs playfully.

"That you ask?" Tony suggests.

"I might have anticipated that," Loki shrugs. Tony winks at her. She winks back.

"It's just... you really changed," Tony smirks.

"Other than the sex?" Loki grins.

"Yep," Tony snickers.

"Hm, and change is automatically something good?" Loki tilts her head curiously.

"In this context I think it is, actually," Tony nods.

"Interesting... some may not share this opinion," Loki smiles.

"But we do," Tony assures her.

"The Avengers?" Loki asks.

"Your friends... who happen to be the Avengers, yeah," Tony snickers.

"I always thought it was considered rather pitiful to only have friends thanks to a profession," Loki huffs.

"Nah, that's overrated," Tony snorts.

"Aha," she sighs.

"Well, it's just great to see how far you got," Tony tells her.

"From World's Most Hated to... Avenger," Loki smirks.

"You got it right. We trust you, now. That's what counts," Tony says.

"It's still a weird feeling," she exhales.

"That someone trusts you, well, you can hardly blame people for struggling with that. No one can lie the way you do," Tony shrugs.

"That's not what I meant," Loki shakes her head.

"Then what did you?" Tony frowns at her.

"... to have a place," Loki whispers in a soft voice. Tony frowns at the petite woman and the sudden sincerity in her voice.

"What about Asgard?" he cocks an eyebrow at her, but that only makes Loki scold at him, "You mean this _fabulous_ place in the clouds I was banished from? The home I grew up with that actually wasn't my real heritage? Where they took my children away? Where they put me in a cellar and hate me to my blood? That wonderful place, you mean?"

"Okay, stupid question," Tony admits.

"I feel ties to this realm, true, for it is, indeed, the place I grew up in and spent a great deal of my lifetime at, but... I think I may have found something here that I never had in Asgard, and possibly won't ever find there. And I still have a hard time grasping that," Loki admits honestly.

"Well, as you say, time's long. You still have all time in the world to grasp it," Tony smirks at her softly.

"Perhaps," she exhales.

"Why didn't you want to dance with me, now for real?" Tony asks.

"It's really bothering you that much, Stark?" Loki snickers.

"Yeah, of course. You know me and my ego hardly fit a room," Tony grins.

"It was only just to tease you a bit. You are the one, along with Thor, who falls for it. The others are too cool-headed to fall for my taunt," Loki explains.

"That's... mean... but... touché," Tony puckers her lips. She smiles at him sweetly, he grins back, leaning in closer, but not in a sexual way, but just... as close friends, really. They end the dance all quietly.

"Lady Potts, I bring you back your Man of Iron," Loki declares.

"You could've kept him a while longer. I was enjoying myself so much without him!" Pepper snorts sarcastically.

"Hey, now don't be mean to me," Tony grumbles.

"I'm mean to you all I want," Pepper huffs.

"Yeah, especially when we are in bed and...," Tony wants to say, but Pepper knocks him in the arm, quite hard.

"Hey!" he cries out.

"I'm mean all I want," she smirks at him viciously.

"Where's the love, Pepper?" Tony whines.

"I don't know. Maybe you find it again if you remove part of your chauvinism," Pepper snorts.

"I meant to say that you...," Tony wants to explain, but Pepper interrupts him, "Don't make me kick you in public. The press is here, remember?"

"Oh, you would not," Tony argues.

"Try me," Pepper narrows her eyes.

"If you'd excuse me? I need some fresh air," Loki interrupts in a soft voice.

"Upstairs is a balcony," Tony nods.

"Thank you," she smiles at him sweetly. With that she walks off. Pepper turns to Tony before she presses a sweet kiss on his lips.

"Yum," Tony snickers.


	19. Masquerade Ball Pt II: The Balcony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor and Loki talk on the balcony... other things happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I make a slight change to the time-line (so that Loki knew before the events of "Thor" that she was Jotun).
> 
> For all those who still ask themselves: where's the Thorki here?! You are just about to get it. Don't worry, I'm getting you there. 
> 
> Hope you'll enjoy!

Loki makes her way outside, glancing at the beautiful night sky and the stars shining ever so brightly. She pulls the mask off her eyes to take in the full beauty of that view. You can say about him what you want, but Stark understands to throw a party - and pick a great scene, no, breathtaking.

The young woman leans over the railing, her thoughts leading astray as the soft breeze hums in her ears. Loki sucks in the cold air, finding it soothing to her heated body and mind. It reminds her of the times of the great Winter Dances in Muspelheimr, where she appeared as a woman, too, and danced so erratically that she had to throw herself into the snow to cool her body down. It was one of the most joyous nights she had in centuries and decades. Loki was free that night. Whether or not it was royal courtesy, whether it befit a royal of Asgard to throw herself in the snow for all to see, to dance with passion, with whoever was willing to, or on her own, it didn't matter at this moment.

And that is why she cherishes it to the day. Dance is the act of hailing the body, the movement. Already back then Loki felt that this was one of the few occasions she had opportunity to truly be herself – and embrace that body of hers the way it is, female or male. In dance, you are allowed to love yourself so excessively, so much, that you can fully love yourself and still love someone else just as dearly as your bodies melt together on the dance floor.

In essence, dance combines what Loki seeks for herself all her life: to be granted to love herself, in whatever body or shape, and to be close to those she wishes to be close to, and not be ashamed of it. Yet, it all seems so far away at times, escaping through her fingertips.

The door opens. Loki is pulled out of her thoughts - she can tell those footsteps from ten miles away.

"So you decide to join me?" she smirks, not bothering to turn her head in his direction.

"Indeed. I was in need of some fresh air," he replies, closing the door.

"So was I," she exhales, trying to ease, but finds her breath caught in her chest. Thor comes over to the young woman, leaning over the railing, his broad elbows resting on the ebony construction. The awkward tension is immediately back, so palpable that it almost hurts both their skin. Whatever it is Loki feels in dance, it seems to deflate once the memories flood back to her and realization comes that no matter what, she can't go back to that state. Both glance up to the night sky in silence for a while.

"Are we going to continue the way we do?" Loki exhales, finally breaking the silence. She tells herself again and again: It must end tonight.

"What?" Thor frowns.

"That we only have such conversation?" Loki hums.

"We are having conversation?" Thor frowns even more.

"That is just my point," Loki rolls her emerald eyes.

"What now?" Thor grimaces.

"Well, you and I just 'butthead' all the time, to quote Stark. And if we don't, we don't talk above the level of trivial, if we don't dance to express what we can't say," Loki explains.

"Loki, I don't think this is a proper setting to have such argument," Thor shakes his head.

"In the Mansion, we never have privacy, because someone _always_ walks in. But here we are and only the sky can hear us. Is there a better opportunity?" Loki retorts. And that is truth told. She actually found herself giving in to that temptation couple of times: to try to talk to Thor, take the initiative, but then... Stark came in hollering about the latest assignment, Steve was searching for some lost object once again, or Pepper just needed a coffee. Loki knows it's foolish, after all, the entire team knows about their problems, but... Loki just can't bring herself to it and make this a "public" issue. It's private, even if privacy is getting increasing vacuous in this household.

"Now please," he rolls his eyes.

"That you don't want to talk about it is another matter, Thor, but you cannot deny that this setting here fits our purposes just right. And I would like to know for the future what I am to expect of you: Will this be rule, the way we treat each other? Yes or no?" she exhales, trying to keep the anger out of her voice, though she finds it bubbling up and down inside her throat.

"I think it's in our nature to disagree in certain aspects," Thor shrugs. He would rather not have this conversation, at all. Of course his argument with Natasha is still vivid in his memory, but so are the problems and memories with Loki, about Loki, about everything that's happened, everything that went wrong.

"You know how I mean it, Thor," Loki sighs.

"Yes, I do," he sighs uncomfortably also.

"Ever since the Avengers demanded that I change my outer appearance, you deflect me, as though I was poisonous. You tell me. Is it because you are disgusted at my Jotun side once again? Or is it because I act like a woman? Or is it this painful reminder on the trick I pulled on you all those years ago and made you believe I'm a fair maiden in a ballroom, one who is head over heels for the dear Prince of Asgard?" she asks with a huff towards the end. She knows that all of it is true to some degree, but she also knows that Thor would never admit it out loud.

"You know that I do not despise you, Loki, not for the nature of your being or for your heritage. We had this before," Thor shakes his head. _Of course_.

"Then what's the deal with me being in this form?" Loki questions. She knows, of course she knows, but she also knows that Thor has to say things over and over so he may finally see it. _Dull oaf_. Thor silences, though.

"It is the latter, isn't it?" Loki smirks.

"Part of it," Thor admits. Not that they haven't been there before... they were there so often that one should think they are running circles in the ground.

"By the Gods, Thor. Even by that time we knew that I was of Jotun heritage. So we knew that this was not an incestuous relationship. It never was," Loki shakes her head exasperated.

"It might be that this was technically no... but...," Thor fidgets for the words. He still struggles to merely verbalize it. By the Gods, it happened! There is no way he can deny it!

"... I know that I never should have tricked you like this. But I was much a different person back then. I was so angry, Thor. I can't even tell you how angry I was. I was angry at the Allfather and how he didn't tell me about my true heritage, until I found out myself. I was angry that I was not the one to climb the throne. I was angry that Odin favored you, in my eyes. I hated it how all belittled me and did not see me for my skills but only for my trickery. I hated everyone's ignorance about myself and my pains. I was angry at you, at Mother, at everyone. At myself. Back then... I was so disgusted with myself and my true form that it was the only pleasure to me to prove everyone right," she admits - and Loki is actually surprised that she said that out loud now. If her self-esteem didn't forbid her to, she would actually gape.

"How so? Wouldn't it have been better to prove them all wrong?" Thor frowns. Why would she try to prove them right?

"No. That would have made me even more of a pathetic figure, for I would have given them the satisfaction that they had power over me, could make me change my mind. I just wanted to give them any reason to really hate me, me and my heritage," she explains, gritting her teeth. She can still remember how she planned it, standing in front of the mirror, darkness claiming her. That was the day she gave up on herself.

"Loki...," Thor grimaces. He would like to say that people didn't look down on Loki, but... they did. If they weren't just afraid. Jotuns were the monsters of the old tales, the stories parents told their children to scare them so that they did not go out by night.

"That's the way I was back then. You were there, you know how I was. Destructive, not only to Asgard, and to you, but also to myself. If you feel that much hatred... you want to pass it on to someone else, shall he or she have the disease... You can't even imagine it, Thor. So much hate. I wanted nothing more but to give everyone reason to hate me, throw me away, just so they would leave me alone. And that you didn't... it only made me madder. Back then I thought I could draw you away from me with this trick. The last piece," she admits. Loki knew Thor's fraternity always strong for the trickster. Thor guarded him. Even if he did not always speak for the younger man, he always showed, well, _empathy_. Yet, Loki couldn't take any of it back then. He just wanted to engulf himself in the darkness. He didn't want anyone to reach out to him. He wanted to fall into the abyss long before he actually did by the Bifröst. And when Thor, playing the hero, _of course_ , held on by both their fingertips, Loki wanted nothing more but to cut the thunderer's hand off.

She pauses for a second before she continues, "Actually, my plan was to discredit you in that ballroom in front of all those people, to change back into a male as you were about to hug me or kiss me."

"But you didn't," Thor argues.

"No. I couldn't. I just... I just couldn't do it. So I thought, _well_ , maybe I just discredit him once we are in his chambers. That will humiliate him enough. But then we were there and... I didn't. Instead I... well, you know what I did. What we did. At every step I thought I'd discredit you, but then... I just didn't do it. I couldn't," she whispers.

"Why?" he asks. That is one of the questions that always hung above him. After he learned about Loki's, well, scheme, he asked himself why he only played it out that late, when it was too late.

"I just couldn't bring myself to it," Loki shakes her head.

"But eventually you...," Thor grimaces.

"Of course came then the moment that we both woke up and I had changed back into my other form... but this was... it was merely an accident. I actually had the wish to disappear in the midst of the night to my chambers and never tell you of this. It's just that I fell asleep and only woke as you were already up," Loki smirks sadly. She still remembers how she was ripped out of that warm bliss - and her entire world collapsed.

"But you changed back," Thor argues. Why would Loki change back if she didn't want him to know?

"Only because I was not as skilled by the time and because... in my sleep I still struggled keeping a certain shape. I am past that now, but back then I wasn't. That's why you found me like this right next to you," she explains. There is no point in denying it anymore. There is no point at all.

"You mean...," Thor frowns, still mulling this over inside his head.

"I do not deny that this didn't start as my little conspiracy and trick, but eventually... I couldn't bring myself to hurt you, consciously. I just couldn't," she licks her lips.

"Why?" he questions.

"You know why," she huffs.

"No. tell me," he insists, his voice gaining a bit strength.

"Why don't you tell me? I already gave it away, Thor, while you silenced to this. Now _you_ tell _me_ : Why is this memory such poison to you? Why am I poison to every of your fibers ever since I came back in this form, huh?" she returns, her eyes glistening with determination. She will not be the only one who will put her cards on the table.

"It pains me," Thor replies simply.

"To see me like this?" she questions.

"No," he shakes his head.

"Then what?" she frowns.

"You are my poison for your eyes, Loki," he mutters.

"What?" she grimaces. Now that is new. Thor suddenly cups both her cheeks. And even if every instinct is telling her to yank his hands off of her, she allows him to.

"When I look at you, I see what I cannot have, for what I mustn't have. I shouldn't yearn for you. You are my brother – and still...," he speaks with his strong voice, though it's tainted by its own quivering towards the end.

"Accept it that we are no longer brothers, Thor. We aren't," she hisses. Really, what does it take so that even he will understand it?! She wants to turn away, but he brings her head back to face him, eye to eye.

"It feels like it. The bond was not cut because of our different heir, not to me," he shakes his head. The bond ruptured later on, but that Loki was no Aesir... it didn't change anything to Thor, at least it didn't until he realized that Loki changed in turn. And _that_ changed the bond.

"But that I'm of different heir makes it no longer a crime to love," she returns as she tears his hands off her face, no longer able to stand the heat of his palm against her cheek.

"It is a crime to me. We grew up together. That doesn't leave me. I look at you and I see that beautiful woman, but then I look into your eyes and I see the small boy whom I used to spar with, whom I used to train with, laugh with, hunt with, play with," he admits, his voice no more than a whisper.

Loki suddenly kisses him. He resists for a second, but then leans into her touch. She draws away after a few seconds to look at him again.

"I am not your brother," she brings out breathlessly.

"But...," Thor mutters, but Loki interrupts him, "Why can't you regard me a brother in spirit, and a woman in your heart?"

"I just can't," he croaks. It should be easy, but it is not.

"Why? I don't get it. You say you yearn for me... and I... I feel for you the same, as foolish as it is! Still, this is a crime to you," she hisses in exasperation. How much she wished she could just go back to that night. Back then it was that easy. It was.

"Every touch is like fire and ice, because it just isn't meant to be," gritting his teeth.

"I always wanted to be with you, Thor. You are the only one I still care about in Asgard, other than Mother, of course," she brings out, easier than she had pictured. It is something she hardly admits to herself. Maybe it's the champagne after all...

"You are... you are the reason I chose to go to Earth. I could have chosen a different fate, but I chose this banishment. You remember?" she whispers.

"It was the best option. The other would have been...," Thor shakes his head. He always thought that it was simply a logical decision for Loki.

"Death. Quite right. And by that time, _oh_ , Thor, you don't know how tempted I really was to give in to that urge. I wanted to die, more than anything I wanted to die," she smiles, closing her eyes. How much relief Loki felt at the thought, not the dread when the trickster tried to jump off the roof. No, it was as if everything was washed away for a mere moment, all sorrow, all problems, all love. He could taste the sweet decay on his tongue, so strong that he almost said yes by the time he was granted a "choice".

"But then I looked at you as we stood there in the Great Hall and I knew that it would kill you. I couldn't let that happen, _foolishly_. At some point I still wished I would've had the strength. And that is why I decided to live, for your sake. But you took no notice of that," she grimaces.

Really, Thor made her the fool she is - and doesn't that make her the fool of fools?

"What do I have to do so that you see me, not my shell, just me?" she asks.

"It is not about this shell," Thor insists, but Loki interrupts him harshly, "Don't fool yourself. It doesn't befit a future King. If you really were independent of this shell, then you would have no trouble seeing me in this. Thor, when do you finally see that I am both these people? The brother as well as... this woman? I am born this way. This is no mask I wear. I _am_ this."

"But you are also the other. And that is what I can't forget," he exhales. It's always the same story. Loki rolls her eyes. He just doesn't understand.

"I knew for a long time that I was different, even before I learned that I was not of true Aesir blood," she exhales, hugging her arms.

"Loki...," Thor sighs. He knows that Loki always felt as the outcast, but... that is something different.

"I knew it. I mean, everyone else knew it also, unconsciously. You still remember how I was bullied when we were still young?" she asks.

"Yeah," he replies grimly. And he just wanted to ram those children into the ground.

"I was different, and that wasn't just that I enjoyed spending my days in the library reading. It was my entire being that was different, out-of-place. When it finally became clear that I'm from Jotunheimr... I just received the confirmation for what I had known all along. I knew I was different. I always felt different, from the inside," she sighs.

"But that never was an issue to us two," Thor argues, but Loki's anger only flares again, "It was and is. Or else we wouldn't be standing here like we do. I am different, and you don't accept it. You still deny me my heritage, my true being."

"Because I love you that much," he finally brings out. Loki would love to believe in those words, but she can't, no matter how credible he sounds, "That only means that you love me for who I once was, Thor. You love me for the brother, the _Aesir_ brother I was to you when we were both still young and didn't know a thing about what is really out there. You try to hold on to that because you do not know if you could love me... love me for what I am, for who I am, now, at this very moment. Your love is an easy one. It comes with no responsibilities, it doesn't demand hard work or change. The love is there and you just fetch from it. You deny me my heritage because, deep inside your very core, you can't move around it that I am Jotun. You cling to the love you felt for me as your brother because you can't bring yourself to love me the other way. You always say that you accept me the way I am. Listen to me, Thor, you don't. You _accept_ me for who I was, not for who I am. You _love_ me for who I was and not for who I am. You love no more of me than the picture inside your head, you remember and love a shadow."

This is the end. This has to be.

"Loki, please, so listen to me," Thor begs, but Loki interrupts him again, "I will head back inside now."

"Loki, please, stay," Thor bites his lip. This woman, only she brings him to beg!

"I can't. I just can't carry on like this, Thor. You punished me for all this year for being me, a part of me. And I won't accept that anymore. Before, I let you have it, because I knew you and that you have a hard time accepting such things. Yet... nothing happened. Nothing changed!" she exclaims.

"But we just... just now...," he mutters, but Loki interrupts him again, "Nothing's changed, this is just the way we were all this time before. We do things halfway, if at all. We dance around the other, tiptoe. We always return to the same problems and nothing changes, because neither one of us moves. And I can't take any more of that. You want to own me, want to tell me what to do, but then push me away once you realize your feelings, perhaps. You only care about yourself and how this body stains those pictures, memories. I am done, Thor. If it is that much of a struggle for you, then you shall treat me as a stranger or a sister in a loose sense, I do not mind, but make a decision. I built something up over the past year. I built up friendship, a life of my own. And I fear that if I hold on to... whatever _this_ is... I will lose that, again. And I can't. I mustn't. I tried to ignore all this, forget our problems, everything. But I can't live up to that, no matter how hard either one may try. I can't have you that close, though we are not. Can't talk to you, though we are not. Can't continue this dance. It ends, tonight," she brings out, her voice shaking. Thor stares to her in shock and disbelief.

"Loki, now wait," he croaks.

"Goodbye, Thor," Loki whispers. With that she walks back inside, her dress whipping in the breeze. She still has the walk of a queen, but you can see the hurt in her features, and the tears she bites back down. Thor leans over the railing, heavily, his breath hitching.

"What do I do?" he calls out to the stars as he pulls at his hair, closing his eyes. Why won't the stars tell him the direction? Why is it all so difficult?

* * *

Loki makes her way back to the Avengers, who are now in a separate lounge area, chatting and drinking. That is her new life now. Some things end, but maybe this here won't.

"Oh, hey, there you are...," Pepper smirks at her as Loki walks over to them. Loki flashes a brief smile as she settles down next to her. Pepper leans closer, "What's wrong?"

"I think the drinks affect me more than I had estimated. I feel a little... tipsy," Loki returns politely.

"You look sad, though," Pepper notes.

"I get moody when tipsy, believe me, Lady Potts. There is no need to worry," she smiles sweetly.

"If you say so," Pepper sighs, but knows better than to push her luck with Loki. If she doesn't want to talk about it, so she knows, she won't. Loki is that stubborn. Suddenly, the trickster almost jumps up from her seat, energy coming out of nowhere.

"Now, Bruce! I want to fetch another dance with you, yes?" Loki asks the doctor.

"Oh, uhm, sure," Bruce smirks.

"Thank you," Loki smiles sweetly. He comes up to her to take her by the arm. They walk to the dance floor and Loki starts to twirl madly once she touches the hard surface beneath her sandals. She needs to drown herself in the music, in the beat, and think about anything but Thor who is looming around the edges of her eyes, making them teary.

"Is everything alright?" Bruce asks silently.

"Everything is perfect, my friend. Thank you," she smiles.

"So I don't have to become the Hulk to smash someone to pieces?" he grins.

"No, you don't. Though I thank you for the nice offer. You truly are the knight to save a damsel in distress," she smirks.

"You are anything but a damsel," Bruce returns.

Loki winks at him, offering the sweetest of smiles. Bruce is bound to simply smile back. One should think that everything that has gone on in their past would make it impossible for them to ever build up a relationship of trust and friendship, but Bruce is now more than glad to finally have a friend on that level.

Loki is different from all people he knows, and one of the few whose company, once awkward was over, he really learned to enjoy and truly appreciate. She is educated, well-mannered, if not for her pranks and anger issues here and there, but someone who has dignity and a self-control that is really respectable. At least she learned that by now, Bruce reminds himself as they dance over the floor like old friends already. That is something he could always relate to in terms of the God of Mischief. Both have uncontrollable anger dwelling inside of them, but, most of the time, they find a way to deal with it. Bruce by burying himself in studies and staying away from the bigger troubles, while Loki, as far as he learned, takes her wit and tricks to boil down the evil thoughts to a workable level.

Now he got to know this person over the past year – and Loki has really proven herself worthy of not only trust but also friendship. She worked for her spot within the team and earned herself a place here on Earth. When everyone thought that _Lorelei_ would be no more than a trick, Loki's female persona is probably the more honest and much more authentic personality of them both, even if it sounds odd at some point, because they are the same and because Loki and Lorelei are not that far apart.

However, this person now is also sweet and forgiving, caring, with passion, dignity, a high sense of pride, ambition, creativity, actually higher moral standards than anyone gave her credit for, a sense for right and wrong, even if sometimes odd at first sight, but never arbitrary, a person of reason, offering advice and information, a very steady and focused person. When everyone else is fussing, she is the one to think this through and very likely pop up with a solution. Or even if she isn't, one can count on her to keep a cool head throughout the situation and act as the calm anchor for them all. When everyone else is freaking out, she is always the one you can turn to to find focus.

Truly, a year back, no one would have only just wasted a thought on this being possible. But now it is simply reality – and at some point Bruce Banner is glad that it is, because it gives him a bit more faith that he and the Hulk will also find a way. People can change, and so Gods of Mischief, as it seems.

"Love is a complicated thing," Bruce smirks, not looking at her.

"Is this supposed to be a twisted way of wooing me, Bruce?" Loki cocks an eyebrow at him.

"No," Bruce grins.

"Then why are you telling me this?" she questions.

"... I know how it is to love someone and be unable to be with that person," he admits.

"I'm sorry about that," she glances at him - with just the kind of sympathy that Bruce likes about her that much.

"I am past that now, but... I get that. It is hard at times," he nods.

"Gladly, I remain unaffected, for I am a God," she smirks.

"I think no one is safe of love. If we were, it would make my job a lot easier," he chuckles.

"So you mean to say that love always gets in the way of your studies?" she smirks.

"In anyone's. We are all too lovey-dovey at times. And that makes us see things... not as clearly as we normally would," he shrugs.

"Well, then you see my point. I am a sorceress, I seek knowledge. Then troubled feelings would only be in the way," she returns. After all, it's over now.

"As I said, just like shit happens... love happens. And as great as love can be at times, it also sucks," Bruce snorts.

"I am thankful for your support, my friend, but believe me, my heart is not burdened with such sorrow," she assures softly, though the "anymore" dies on her lips soundlessly.

"Good, and here I thought that this was the reason for the tears in your eyes," Bruce says.

"Those are tears of joy for such a wonderful night," Loki manages to reply. Bruce smiles at her sadly, knowing that she is paining. He says nothing after that and simply allows Loki to draw him closer to herself to find a bit of comfort in the presence of a friend, someone who does not bear her a grudge, someone who understands her, likes her for who she is, not what she is, someone who is simply her friend.

The evening carries on after that. Loki drowns herself in dance and occasional chat with the rest of the Avengers while Thor does the same, only that he rather remains within the bar's reach. Eventually, all drive back to the Mansion. They spread out to their rooms.

As Loki enters her room, the lights go on and her shoes fall off her feet thanks to her magic. She decides to keep the dress its shape, which is why she strips out of it to put on a rack, putting on the satin garment Tony gave her to taunt her, even if she has to admit that Stark has a good taste when it comes to these kind of things. It has an empire cut, but ends just by half of the thigh. She walks over to the small table where she has her accessories and other personal items. Loki then starts to remove her jewels.

As she works on the earrings, she has to swallow hard against the tears forming in the back of her eyes.

She wanted to enjoy this night... and now this.

She can't help the memories from flooding back to her, about that night that her brother never forgave her for.


	20. Masquerade Ball Pt III: Maya's Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A flashback to the former days of Thor's and Loki's life. 
> 
> To that night...

Loki, for the first time walking around in her female shape in Asgard's public, is chatting with a group of Aesir, everyone stealing glances of the strange beauty as they talk. She knows this all too well and is partly pleased, but mostly ever so annoyed that men are so easily enchanted by the wink of a pretty eye, never making an effort to see past the beautiful exterior.

Her emerald eyes fix on Thor occasionally, each contact well punctuated, just on cue to keep his interest alive. She flashes a brief smile at him as he tries yet another time to get to her – and the thunderer responds to every of her gestures with his toothy smile. Yet, when he joins the group she is actually occupied with, she quickly excuses herself and steals away before Thor can get a full glance at her, or talk to her.

Loki knows that her brother is a hunter: He loves the chase. And she wants to give him just that – _a chase_. She taunts him, and Thor, even when they are brothers to one another, always gives in to each taunting word directed his way, the dull oaf he is.

When people are dancing, she hides within the crowd, as Thor tries to get to her to ask for a dance. She dances with a few of the men who ask her, and then puts out all her talent to display, but once she is free again, she quickly steals away as Thor makes attempt after attempt to get through to her, very often interrupted by young maidens approaching him for a dance. She giggles as she turns around and away, leaving Thor confused on the dance floor. Loki knows that she is driving him insane with this.

Normally, any woman of Asgard would politely stay her place to wait for the Crown Prince to have a private moment with her, feeling as tough on the verge of fainting for the honor swelling in their voluptuous chests. And that is her trick – she does not do what everyone else does, and that is the magic spell needed to set Thor right on her track. She notes with a smile that the God of Thunder does not ask anyone else for a dance, despite the fact that there would be plenty of opportunities for him to join another female beauty. Eventually people retreat to their drinks and food again and start to chat. The Warrior Three and Lady Sif are retelling their great adventures.

Thor still looks around for the mysterious woman whose voice he didn't get to hear yet. Never did he have a woman who actually dared to steal away from him, though he made clear implication for her to wait a moment for him to catch up to her. The God of Thunder wants to talk to her, and get a glance at her, not just a faint one as she passes by.

Thor already fears he lost this battle and might not see her again, but that is when he sees her sitting by the fireplace, her lacy tenderly violet dress loosely dangling from her wonderful body. The shadows of the fire dance over her pale skin and the soft light of the flame give it a quality of gold and silk. He smiles broadly as he walks over to her, as confident as ever.

Now his chance has come. She can no longer escape him.

He wins. She doesn't look at him till he squarely takes his stance in front of her, noting that she is even more beautiful than from a distance. If the rules of Asgard did not forbid it, he would just grab her for a kiss. It's her mystery, her grace that is just so strong that he can hardly keep away from her. Her wonderful emerald eyes fall on him. And they speak of dignity, pride, wit, but a certain kind of softness and kindness deeply rooted within her very being.

"Milady," Thor smiles at her toothily, his voice spilling over with self-confidence.

"Oh, Milord. It is such an honor," Loki bows gracefully, just to bite her tongue. This just sounds so wrong. She intends to get up to actually curtsy properly, but he motions her not to.

"Now, now, not so formal. We are at a feast, not an official banquet," Thor smirks.

"Oh, you are flattering me, Milord," she replies. She knows that this is his usual tactic to woo a woman he wants to have. He makes them feel special by giving them the impression they are on the same level, as though this was such a great thing, the greatest honor a maiden could ever wish for. Her brother works that simple. _Stupid oaf_.

"Call me Thor," he grins.

"Oh, I don't know, Milord. It does not befit a maiden my rank to call you by your first name," she replies, faking insecurity. She knows that Thor _loves_ those girls.

"I insist. And you should know, what I say is rule," Thor smiles - one of the few things that always surprised Loki about him: how can that man smile for so long and so broadly without his face coming off?! She has to fight really hard not roll her eyes at his comment – only Thor would point that out to a woman and expect that to work in favors of his charm, even if it only makes him ridiculous. Yet, at the same time, she can't hide the small smile on her lips. He is that simple, so simple that it is almost cute again. Just like a child. She always loved that about Thor, this kind of innocence that even survived all the blood and gore of battle. Still such an innocent smile, such innocent eyes.

"Oh, if that is so... Thor," she grins, stressing his name.

"May I ask for your name, then, Milady?" Thor asks.

"Oh, I don't know," Loki sighs playfully. It's about the chase after all.

"Why not?" the thunderer chuckles.

"It can be dangerous for a maiden to reveal too much of herself," she smirks, playing around with one of her locks.

"And your name is a big part of that mystery?" he cocks an eyebrow at her.

"Isn't it always?" she returns.

"A name is just a name," Thor shrugs.

"Is it?" she questions.

"I would just like to have something to call you when we talk," Thor smiles.

"Call me Maya then," Loki offers.

"Maya? That is a foreign name," Thor frowns. If possible, his interest only increased.

"You demanded a name, so I gave you one. I like this name... Maya. Doesn't it sound nice?" she sighs.

"Like slipped from Valhalla down into your mouth," he grins, nodding his head at this great compliment.

"It is so nice of you to say," Loki replies. She finds herself laughing at him being ridiculous... but actually not at him, but with him. Loki has to try hard not to frown at her own reaction. What happened to the plan? Why isn't she already seeking a kiss to transform back? Wasn't that the plan? Why is she actually still giving in to the chase when she should be opening up for Thor, the stupid oaf he is, to seek the opportunity?

"But that is not your real name, is it?" Thor argues.

"That remains a mystery also. You demanded something to call me, so now you have something to call me by," she returns.

"You know that this is not the usual custom?" he cocks an eyebrow at her.

"Just as isn't for a maiden to call the Prince and future King of Asgard by his first name," she argues with a soft smile on her lips. Thor laughs at that. She replies with a wink.

"So... where are you from?" Thor asks. _Ah_ , the small-talk.

"From my home?" she replies.

"Do you live close to the palace?" Thor questions further. _Incredibly close_ , Loki thinks to herself.

"Why are we talking about me, though? You are the Prince. I would rather hear of you than me. It is a rare occasion for me to be in such a place, and an even rarer opportunity to get a blink at the life of a royal, let alone speak of the Crown Prince," Loki smiles so sweetly that she can feel the corners of her mouth itch. Now she is back to the game, take him by his self-consciousness and how much he loves to talk about himself in the brightest light. _Stupid, stupid oaf_.

"Yet I would like to learn more about you, too," he returns.

"Why?" she frowns.

"I find you... fetching," he smiles. And it is only thanks to Loki's self-control that she doesn't roll her eyes at that.

"Flattering," she replies, instead. Truly, that man is lovable for many things, but not for his choice of words. Thor is the only man in the far realm of Asgard who would say out loud that his interest for a woman solely stems from attraction - and consider it a compliment.

"I am no man of fancy words," he admits. _The understatement of the century_.

"Such a pity... I love poetry," she exhales.

"You read?" Thor asks.

"A lot. I love it... stories, poems, songs, myths. I find it absolutely compelling," she smiles with a flash of enthusiasm. Why should she claim the opposite?

"Hm, my brother likes it also. He spends most of his day in the library if he can help it," Thor grins. She glances at him intently. There is a flash of pride in his eyes that she didn't expect. Normally, Thor would shake his head at that. He is usually dismissive about Loki reading that much, and not using his time on the battlegrounds. But here he stands, wooing a stranger maiden... and he actually shows affection and a sense of pride for his brother? Loki grabs the hem of her dress for comfort. Why is her chest suddenly feeling so tight?

"Oh, is he?" she brings out.

"I must admit I never quite understand the passion he feels for it, but he has my respect. He is the wittiest person I ever met," he replies. _If he only knew_...

"Speaking of which... where is Prince Loki? Is he not joining the celebration?" she asks. Well, here he is. _Dull oaf_.

"No, he was unwell. Even if a part of me believes that he just means to escape. He does not like such festivities much. He rather reads of them than taking part in them," he explains. Again, an insight Loki did not think she would get of her brother. And once more, he holds no judgment, something he usually does when he talks to his friends, but here, at this moment, he talks about Loki, his brother, in bright lights.

"Well, gladly you did not suffer his disease, then," she smiles.

"Truly. Well, returning to the argument. As for me... I do not share this interest in poetry, or generally the written word... I am more a man of action," he grins.

"That I can see," sighing seductively, playing around with the hem of her dress.

"Does it burden your heart that I am no man of words, then?" he asks.

"Of course not, Prince Thor. I may like poetry, but I also like a strong warrior, which you obviously are," she grins.

"That is good to know," he chuckles.

"And how many women did you woo tonight already?" she asks, her smile not failing her. Torturing him is so much fun.

"What?" he gapes. You can clearly see the exasperation in his features. She smiles viciously at him.

"Well, you are a prince... it is only natural for you to get to know all maidens available and then choose the best for company," she winks.

"I am not that kind of person. I am honest to the bottom of my heart," he replies quickly, more like a child in denial than a grown man, let alone be future King of Asgard.

"That does not mean the Prince may not desire more than one damsel in distress," she chuckles.

"Are you a damsel in distress?" Thor smirks at her toothily.

"Am I?" Loki asks playfully. She can already see the tinge of red creeping to his cheeks - and not all from the mead. Why is she enjoying this so much? Why does she smile honestly at his stupid way of trying to woo her? Why does she enjoy it to be wooed by Thor? Thor of all people?!

"Because then I'd have to save you," he replies.

"Save me? From what?" she questions.

"Well, you tell me – why would you be a damsel in distress?" he counters.

"Perhaps because I feel so out-of-place," Loki sighs. And there is a huge part of truth hidden within the statement. Loki always feels out-of-place at such festivities, if not for Thor who snakes an arm around his shoulder as he withdraws too far from the rest to spend some time with his younger brother, drinking with him or simply laughing so hard till Loki has to join him. Yet, for the rest of it, Loki never enjoyed these feasts. They are a painful reminder of how far away he is from all those people, how foreign he is to his own people. Always different. Always an outcast. Only a member for as long as Thor is there.

"Out-of-place?" he frowns.

"I am not used to these festivities. It was my family who urged me here," she explains sweetly. And again, it is truth told: Their parents force them to attend these feasts. And no matter how much he pleads them to let him skip it, they never let him... even if it is perfectly clear that Thor will be the future King – and he should have to go through that alone. But no. Loki has to make a fool out of himself also. The price of equality, is it?

"Oh, now I feel offended," he grins.

"Oh, Milord, don't get me wrong. It is such an honor to be here. It is just that I am not used to this. I do not know all customs," she lies.

"You act like a princess, Maya. Perhaps you are and you just do not want to share that little secret with me," he chuckles.

"Now I know that you are just flattering me," she shakes her head.

"I speak to you from the bottom of my heart," he says. Again she can't help it but smile. He makes her smile like that, always did, will always. Perhaps it was a wrong idea after all. It was, she knows now. It was a foolish idea. Loki knows she has to get out of this situation, fast, before the situation escalates and she does something that she will regret ever the more. She can't do this to him, can't do that to herself. She suddenly gets up from her chair, her long hair falling over he fragile shoulders.

"Milord, I think it is time for me to leave some other place. I thank you for the very nice conversation. I very much enjoyed it," she speaks. Loki has to close her eyes briefly. For some reason she is out of breath. The trickster almost jumps away, but Thor holds on to her arm. She turns back, her emerald eyes wide. _Stupid oaf_.

"Milady, please," Thor says, visibly shocked that she just wants to take off. Loki turns to face him with a blank expression. He cannot see that she is actually sad, he mustn't.

"I wish for you to stay with me," he speaks.

"Is the Prince of Asgard ordering me to his service?" Loki smirks.

"No, I ask you," he shakes his head.

"You?" she cocks her head.

"Thor. Not the Prince, but I," he nods.

"You _are_ the Prince," she returns.

"That is a title, is a function, but I am a person also. And this person wants to spend more time with you," he explains. She looks at him, _really_ looks at him. Thor means it, every word of it. _Stupid oaf_. Only Thor the Thunderer can fall in love with a girl he doesn't know, only he can fall in love with a stranger, actually love that person before he knows her name or title. And she... she finds herself... liking it. Likes it that he... _loves_... this. Her?

"I fear I have to get away from here, though?" Loki blurts out. Did she just say that? She wanted to make a snotty comment to leave, but her mind is not working. Is that her heart speaking or is she under a spell?

"Why is that?" Thor questions.

"It is too crowded here. I would rather be some place where it is a little more silent," she smiles. Perhaps that will work. Then she can... or she will...

"I know such a place," Thor grins over both his ears.

"But the Prince of Asgard cannot leave such festivity to lead astray with a stranger," she scolds.

"For I am the Prince of Asgard, I may do as I please," Thor proclaims more dramatically than intended.

"Oh, that is of course quite convenient," she winks.

"So?" he asks. Loki runs ahead to the gate, then, and Thor chases after her.

For a moment, she just lets go, of everything surrounding her, of names and titles and roles, of brother and brother, brother and sister, Thor and lover. For a moment it is just him and her. For a moment, she is Maya, and Maya means to run, have him chase her, feel the strong man's breath only inches from her.

They rush through the hallways like children, almost, playing catch without touching one another, enjoying the chase, enjoying the laughter, the silence, the heavy footsteps as they echo through the all too great hallways of the palace. They end up in the garden. The night sky is shining in the millions and millions of stars. Loki looks, if possible, even more stunning, now in the translucent light of the moon, painting her naturally pale skin in a shine of tender rose, her features even softer. Thor smiles as she almost dances over the soft grass.

"I like this place," she smiles.

"It is nice here," he nods.

"And most definitely not crowded," Loki winks at him.

"True," he chuckles.

"Do you come here often?" she asks. She knows, of course, but Loki figures it's a natural thing to ask... as a stranger. Maya doesn't know, right?

"Only sometimes. When the weight of the crown is getting too heavy," he explains. Loki grimaces. Maybe she can do it after all? Trick him? Pull off the trick? For he is so self-centered that he thinks the crown is heavy upon his head – now that he is in the lucky position of the Prince, who can do whatever he pleases and faces almost no consequences. _Stupid, stupid oaf_.

"Such a pity. It's so wonderful here," she exhales playfully.

"With you in it, it is even a better place," he smiles. Why does he have to be so sweet? A moment ago, she wanted to do it, but there he is again... and he... is it the flowers that enchant her? Rob her of her senses? Why is her chest feeling so tight for one moment, but then so warm the next? Useless condition. Stupid oaf. They are both plain fools!

"Oh, so you mean to say that I would make you stay here longer if I would come by more often?" she grins.

"Most certainly so," he chuckles. Loki crouches down to the ground to pick up a cherry blossom that fell off the tree, her fingers cupping the object as though it was of snow, too fragile to the touch.

"The flower is almost as beautiful as you are," Thor grins. Loki smiles at him, holding the blossom between her palms close to her face.

"But just almost," he adds.

"Do you bring all your conquests here, my Prince, or is it only for the ones you actually call a good conquest?" she grins.

" _Conquests_?" he frowns uncomfortably. He knows he has a reputation, but never did a maiden call him on it.

"The women you wish to woo for a night? I cannot deny that this place bears an enthralling sort of magic that makes it hard for me to even think straight. I fear that this might be your kind of trick to get the damsel into distress, no?" she giggles.

"You are special to me," Thor insists.

"You don't know me, how would I special to you, Prince Thor?" she sighs. He can't know her. And if he did, he wouldn't be enchanted, that is for sure.

"I never met a woman like you," he says.

"Quite obviously so. There is just one me. So you cannot have met a woman just like me before. Or else you'd be accusing me of being interchangeable with any woman," she rolls her eyes.

"Not at all. I never saw a woman your like," Thor tries again. She knows she is torturing him, it's just too much fun.

"And that alone makes me special to you?" she shakes her head.

"You are a sneaky thing, you know to enchant, Maya. I like that," he grins, now with more self-confidence again.

"Sneaky? How?" she smirks back. Only Thor could actually find such a title charming to give to a fair maiden – and expect her to be enchanted by that.

"It is not very usual to give the Prince a chase down the hallways," he retorts playfully.

"Do you mean that I misbehaved? Then I apologize," she smiles.

"No, no, it's just that... well, you...," he stammers.

"Is the Prince of Asgard at a loss of words?" she grins mischievously.

"Perhaps," he admits. Loki straightens as she walks up to the big cherry tree. Thor follows her, coming closer and closer. She smiles at him ever so sweetly. And she prays that for once, she can be Maya. Just be Maya, then it is alright. Be Maya. Maya has no past, but perhaps a future? Like a butterfly that only lives a day, just one night?

"Well, if I bring the Prince to stutter, then perhaps I am no good company for you. It does not befit a future king to be at a loss of words," Loki shakes her head. This is the last chance to walk away. For both of them. If only Thor finally took it. _Stupid oaf_. She makes a step to actually sneak away, but then Thor is suddenly only inches from her, pinning her frail arms against the trunk of the tree. She looks up to him with a mixture of fright and discomfort, but that is when he catches her lips in a passionate kiss, strong, but gentle enough not to hurt her. The cherry blossoms fall off the tree as both share the tender kiss and inside of her something breaks and is rebuilt again.

"Don't leave," Thor breathes.

"Why?" she asks tentatively. Really, why should she? How can she?

"I want you to stay," he says, his voice suddenly so strong that it almost knocks her off her feet.

"Why?" she questions again.

"You are beautiful," he smirks. Again, so much like him. Stupid oaf after all.

"So it is just my body that interests you?" she smirks.

"No," he shakes his head.

"Then why shall I stay?" Loki questions.

"Methinks I am falling for you," he admits. Loki catches his lips again, not knowing what else to do. It just doesn't matter anymore. To Maya it doesn't. Maya can do this, can't she? Thor moves his hands over her sides as she pulls away to look at him.

"Don't you fear for us to be seen?" she giggles uncomfortably.

"I'm a prince," he shrugs. What does it matter?

"Just my point. A prince with a maiden of no rank... it will cause you trouble, I am sure," she shakes her head. It never ceases to astonish her just how easily Thor can move past rank and name.

"It shall be well worth it," he snickers.

"Worth what?" she smirks. Thor kisses her again. Loki leans into his touch, frail arms resting against his broad chest. They stay in the tight embrace as she suddenly wants to tease him by pulling away, but he catches her, both pummeling to the ground, laughing.

"Rolling over the grass with a stranger maiden... what will the people think?" she huffs. Thor rolls over her, grinning.

"I do not care," he chuckles.

"Do you believe in love at first sight, then? If you think that you love me?" she questions playfully, though she couldn't be more earnest.

"I might start now," Thor smirks. He attempts to kiss her, but Loki holds him back, smiling.

"You think you love me, at first sight. But isn't it a weak kind of love to love what you get a short glance at? Isn't it the love of old that is strong?" she questions. Perhaps it is just so. He loves her, but just for that body, for this moment...

"I love you at second sight ever the more," he smiles.

"You do not know me," Loki insists.

"I can feel your soul. And it is the purest of entire Asgard," he proclaims. If he only knew. Tainted little thing called soul. It is a game she plays with him, out of selfish reasons, because... because she feels for him, did for long... and now... now she takes advantage of his foolery. Tainted little soul. Shriveled little thing.

"How do you tell?" she asks.

"Your eyes speak the truth," he explains. They always speak the lies, she reminds herself. Her eyes know no truth. Everything about her is a lie, she is a lie.

"I don't think...," she mutter, but Thor interrupts her with sudden strength in his voice: "Look me in the eye."

She obeys and glances at him.

"What do you see in my eyes?" he questions, with utmost severity.

"They mirror your feelings," Loki hums. You just have to look him in the eye to know what he feels. That is something Loki always loved about him, already when it was a brother's love. There were no lies between them for as long Loki could see his eyes. When Loki lost himself in trickery and foolery, it were these eyes that brought him back, were his safe anchor.

"What do they say?" Thor questions further.

"That you mean it," she admits.

"Then so believe in the honesty of my heart. When I see your eyes, they speak the truth," he says. Loki dares to come a little closer.

"And the truth is... I feel for you," he continues, now almost humming to some unknown melody. Thor kisses her again. Loki's thoughts disperse into smoke, the touch meaning so much more to her than do the evil thoughts creeping over the rim of the darkness engulfing her. It is only Thor who could ever lighten her up. He does again, and again. And she loves that about him. Loves him for that. Loves him so much more than she can take, more than anyone can take. Does love have to hurt that much, really?

After a while he starts to tuck at her dress, but she keeps his hands from moving up any further.

"Methinks this place is not appropriate for such activity," she giggles, swatting his arms away.

"That might be," Thor chuckles. He gets up, pulling her up with him in the motion, holding her close to his chest. They start to hurry down the hallways once again as Thor guides Loki to his chambers. He closes the door as she still giggles to herself.

"Are you sure we weren't caught?" Loki chuckles.

"It wouldn't burden me, but we weren't. I know," he assures her quickly. Thor walks over to her as she sits down on the bed.

"Was I conquered by the Golden Prince of Asgard, then?" she chuckles, stroking over the soft fabric of the sheets. Thor now towers over her, lowering her on the pillows.

"I may conquer you now," he chuckles.

"Oh, is that betting a fair maiden?" she giggles.

"It fits love at first sight, and the one at second sight," Thor says.

"So you do love me?" Loki asks. Does he? Does he really? How would he? How would he love her? Could love her? After all she's done? After all she is?!

"Yes," he declares.

"Though you don't know me? Is love that blind, really?" she questions. Can it really be that blind as to not see the mischief looming over the edges? How can his eyes mean to say yes to her, say yes to their love... and not know her? How can she let this happen? How can she feel happy at his feelings, though she knows they are just smoke and mirrors? And why doesn't she even care?!

"Love knows no rank. It knows no name," he breathes. Loki has to chuckle at that, "Poetry coming from a man who detests it... I feel honored."

"Only for you," he smirks.

Is that his way of showing love? To show that he can change for her? Even though he does not know her?

Only the Gods know that Loki loves Thor for just these things, and for so much more. But the Gods are not there now, not for her. She only sees him. Nothing but him, nothing but love between them, a sweet little lie between the silken sheets and the midst of the night.

Even if it is just a night, she shall be with him. She shall disappear as morning rises, leave the foreign word 'Maya' on his dry lips as he wakes, but one night of him and this love... perhaps it will be enough to fetch from for eternities. This might be worth the hellfire awaiting her in turn. Eternity living in sin – if this means one night of love and grace.

"Enough of conversation. These lips are meant to be kissed," Thor grunts. He leans down to kiss her. She kisses back, but only briefly. Loki stems her wrists against his broad chest, pushing him back so that they are eye to eye again. Blue falls into emerald. Emerald reaches out for blue. Meet somewhere in between.

"Say it again," she breathes, trying to swallow the desperation in her voice.

"Say again what?" Thor frowns at her. Loki grasps the back of his head to pull his forehead on hers: "That you do love me. Say it, mean it, please."

Under different circumstances, she would feel ashamed for actually pleading for anything. Loki doesn't plead, she makes people plead, but now... it just doesn't matter. All her pride seems to have melted away to the comforting warmth Thor radiates. Yet, uncertainty pulls at her arms, her stomach, reaching deep, deeper with every second passing. What if he doesn't? What if...

"I love you," Thor says. Loki glances at him, searches his eyes. They mirror the truth. If he means it, you can see it in his eyes alone. She studies him. He means it, she can tell. There is no lie in his words, since it isn't in his eyes. No lie at all. He means it. He loves her, truly.

"I love you. I could say that a thousand times. I love you," Thor smiles at the young woman. With that both simply let go and start to kiss, sinking into the sheets as the night claims them. Pure bliss.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor and Loki have a big talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here goes the next chapter and we are getting to the bottom of Thorki *dramatic background music*. 
> 
> I know that "my" Thor (though he isn't mine, sadly) is really, ugh, simple-minded at times, but I thought that this would bring out his childish innocence, really, which I think is one of his most adorable features. 
> 
> And I believe that this what Loki would love about him most as well. 
> 
> Plus, as you will read here, Thor does a bit of "standard" to make his feelings clear, but I think that is something fitting the character. Thor is a prince, after all, and he goes the old-fashioned ways, or at least that is how I see him. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you'll enjoy.

_Lies. Lies mean power. Lies allow you to hide the truth, twist it, change it, bend it the way you need it. Lies grant you a fine mainframe to build a house on, but the problem is that those wooden beams are already decaying, and eventually, they will give in, the house collapses and you with it. And with that, you lose all power you may have had once. Instead, you are crushed by the house you built with big lies and small lies, quick excuses and tiny secrets. If you are a good architect, your house can hold very long, actually, years, decades, centuries. Some are even that lucky that their house only collapses once they are no longer. And no one asks about those ruins anymore, but most of them time they mean your downfall. They corrupt you. When you lie often enough, you become one of them, you become a lie yourself. And no matter what you do, say, think, once you are part of the wooden frame, there is no way out. The house of lies collapses, and you are the first beam that will give in under the pressure. You are in ruins. And no one will come pick up the pieces._

* * *

Loki removes her earrings, fighting back the tears. Ever since the trickster found out that he is of Jotun heritage, given that at first he was all up for havoc and in search of destruction, he saw the opportunity radiating from this fact, shining brightly at him. Loki was no longer his brother's sibling. The God of Mischief was... not related to him, no longer his blood, no longer bound, no longer imprisoned by it. Briefly, Loki considered that instance real freedom, to break free, break away. And just as briefly he hoped that this would make it easier for Loki to finally be with him. The trickster felt like a fool, for very long, for bearing such feelings. They shouldn't have been there. Before the truth came out, the God of Mischief had to bury those feelings of affection deep inside of him, so deep that he forgot about them for a long time, was Thor's brother and no more. They only welled back up as the news sunk in. But then... reality claimed its stake on Loki's life again and it became clear that it did not matter. To Thor, even in that instant, blood is so thick that it reaches across the waters. All the way to Jotunheimr and back. There seems to be no space for them ever since that one night of bliss. Blood is too thick. Blood swallows it all, suffocates her. Leaves her to drown in her own sorrows and dread. Maya had no future. Tonight only made her realize again. It should have been over eons ago, it was, but she couldn't accept it, _foolishly_.

Loki knew this would happen. History repeats itself, after all. And as for Thor, that man never changes, as it seems. He lives in the lines he once set when still a lad and never changed his course since. That is, at some point, admirable, but Loki hates him for this kind of resolution, this rigidity. Or no, she hates that she knows that he is that rigid - and still dared to hope, dared to love, when she would have done better at minding her own business. That would have saved her much trouble, much pain. Whoever said that love makes it worthwhile... Loki would bite his or her head off.

She straightens up, her features hardening, as the door opens, "You forgot to knock."

Thor stands in the doorway, then knocks on the frame, looking so much like a puppy once again. Loki rolls her eyes with a grunt. She does not look at him, but continues to remove her jewels, her face a straight mask. She will not allow him to see her weakness. She showed enough weakness by kissing him, by allowing that insight in the midst of the night, and she already regrets it, because Loki had her dearest fears confirmed. Yet, she remains a woman of pride and honor – and that is why she won't make the same mistake twice. After all, it's over.

"What can I do for you, _brother_?" she hisses with venom in her voice.

"I need to talk to you," he exhales heavily.

"Close the door. Someone might hear that you actually wish to spend time with me. Not that people get the wrong picture of you suddenly caring for me," she retorts sarcastically.

"Loki...," Thor sighs, but Loki interrupts him harshly, "Close the door, brother, don't make me beg you, for you know I won't."

Thor obeys and closes the door, stepping inside.

"So, we have privacy now. I wish to talk to you," he proclaims, finding his strength back. Loki left him on the balcony speechless. He didn't get the opportunity to make himself clear. And that is what Thor wants to do, now.

"And I don't," Loki retorts. When will he ever learn to let go?

"Out on that balcony...," Thor begins, but Loki is having none of it, "I did want to talk, because I thought the moment was right... yet, it wasn't. I see that now. It will never be right. My bad."

"Loki, please...," Thor breathes with exasperation shaking his voice. "My bad" - they are not talking about breaking a vase, are they?!

"What is there left to be said, Thor? Aren't I right? Tell me I'm wrong, tell me and don't you dare lie to me," she speaks. She already collapsed thanks to her lies, she doesn't need Thor to poke more beams into the ruins.

"I... I don't know," he shakes his head.

"You don't know what?" she questions.

"Everything. It is all just too confusing. You know me, Loki, I'm a simple man! Too simple, as you often say! I'm easily confused! I am confused by all this, you, this situation, your form, my feelings... _everything_ ," he admits.

"And you wish for me to make that stop? I would have to laugh at the ridiculousness of this statement if it weren't so horrible," she shakes her head.

" _Horrible_?" he frowns.

"You tell me this because you actually think, believe, hope that I will give you the clarity you are seeking. You are asking me for advice on something that I am part of, Thor. Even you should get the wrongness of this action. I am part of this, I'm not just some bystander. You seek my clarity as your witty brother once again, though that is just the breaking point! It is rude of you! Absolutely out of place!" she hisses, anger flaring. She knows that this is just the way Thor operates, but she is done making excuses for him. He can't do that to herself anymore. She has to keep that much self-worth. She can't grow weak again.

"I apologize for that. I didn't mean to...," he bites his lower lip.

"To _what_? Hurt me... oh, brother, you should know that nothing can truly hurt the God of Mischief. I am just mad at you for how you treat me," she retorts. He won't have it. He won't get to see how truly hurt she is. He did before, so he won't again. This is over. It ends tonight, no, it ended tonight. She ended it, or didn't she?

"On that balcony you said otherwise," Thor returns. She kissed him, by the Gods!

"I am the perfect liar, Thor," Loki grins mischievously. He comes closer. She glares at him.

"You were earnest," he insists, his voice filled with growing confidence.

"I was not," she replies straight-faced.

"If it really were just a lie, you wouldn't be upset about my actions or words. You'd simply get back at me, seek a little revenge," Thor argues. She is actually surprised that Thor sees that, but it's as they say: _Even a blind hen sometimes finds a grain of corn_.

"Perhaps this _scene_ here is my revenge?" she suggests playfully.

"We are alone, we can speak openly, Loki," Thor says calmly. He knows she is acting, playing, but now he needs her honesty, or else all this will be futile. Loki's eyes narrow with anger.

"So _now_ you want to talk? Now that everything is already in ruins?! Oh, I curse your self-esteem, Thor! The swell in your chest about yourself is bigger than Asgard, Vanaheimr and Jotunheimr altogether! You truly believe it is your time to demand or command for us to have an earnest conversation? Sometimes I don't even know you," Loki growls.

"Loki, I beg you, now don't twist every of my word into an insult. You know I meant it to soothe you. You seem upset. And I know that you deflect when in public. We are not in public. That is all I meant to say," he insists angrily. He knows she has a bad temper, Thor grew up with a moody child of a brother, but if Loki keeps on twisting his words, they won't get anywhere.

"Thor, I do not care whether we are alone. If we were to have the same conversation in a public setting, it wouldn't change the content. And having it all over again won't change it either," she hisses.

"We didn't finish it," Thor argues.

" _I_ finished," she shakes her head.

"But you didn't give _me_ a chance to explain myself," Thor returns self-consciously.

"You did before I ended the conversation, brother. You did before our argument ever started. You wish to regard me in a certain way, I will have to live with that. And believe me, it is within my capabilities. Let's just _give it a show_ , as Stark would say," Loki huffs.

"I don't want you to give it a show, Loki," Thor shakes his head.

"That is _exactly_ what you asked me for ever since I took on my female shape, Thor. You said it bothered you to see me like this. You wanted me to enact a different person, preferably of a different sex. You told me exactly that – and you meant it. We both know that, so do not claim the opposite. And now, here you stand, a year later, and you tell me that I shall not do what you asked me to and punished me for not doing all this time? You truly must have left your wit at the bottom of the Midgardian drinks you devoured at the party," she growls.

"Perhaps I learned my lesson? Did that thought ever cross your mind? Even I am capable of learning, Loki, even I can see that I did you wrong by this. I just take longer, and you know that," Thor argues.

"A little too late," she sighs, anger deflating from her for some reason. Maybe she is just too tired of it.

"Why?" Thor questions.

"Too much has happened, I believe. This very night here, it sent all over the edge... now it's just too late," Loki shakes her head. It's over, after all. Even the thunderer should finally see that, but suddenly Thor is in front of her, falling to his knees, grasping her by the arms as Loki tries to steal away.

"Let me go," she hisses.

"Tell me this is not true," he begs. _Begs_. Loki can't remember Thor ever begging anyone for anything. Neither did she ever see such desperation in his eyes other than the day Loki fell into the abyss.

"What?" she shakes her head, unable to comprehend.

"That it is too late. It mustn't be," Thor pleads, now almost on the verge of tears. Loki can feel uneasiness grow in her chest. That is certainly not what she expected. She thought Thor would yell at her and then run off, the way he usually acts when he doesn't get his will, but here he is, on his knees, begging. If not for her shock, she would actually laugh that she finally got her will to have the God of Thunder on his knees.

"By the Gods, Thor, let me be – and spare us both the shame of you kneeling in front of me like a baby. It does not befit a King," she says, trying to fight him off, but Thor won't budge. _Stupid oaf_.

"I do not care," he shakes his head. He has to hold on to, has to. There is no other way. Be it that they are both fools, but he has to hold on to it. He can't afford to lose, even if it's foolery.

"Let me go. And then leave my chambers," Loki hisses, annoyance bubbling in her stomach like acid.

"No," he replies.

"No? Those are my chambers. And I decide whom I allow in here and whom I don't. I don't allow you in here, Thor. So now, leave me alone," she mutter, but Thor only tightens his grip on her, searching her eyes.

"Hear me," he pleads. Loki's features suddenly become as translucent as mist so that Thor grasps right through her. She becomes solid again having turned to face the mirror, removing her jewelry again. _She_ decides, not him.

"I could have transported a place far away, but I know that you'd come searching for me then. And I wish to spare the Avengers that sort of trouble. However, I did not change my mind. I ask you to leave me alone," she replies, regaining her confidence through the distance. Only he can make her feel so weak that she loses her speech, but once she is away, he cannot. The logical consequence: he has to stay away from her, as paining as it is.

"I know that if I were to go through that door right now, I'd never see you again," he argues. Loki chuckles, "You'd see me all day long, brother. Now don't be ridiculous. I live here, and so do you, most of the time."

"I won't ever see you like this again. You will never talk openly to me again. You will hate me," he exclaims.

"Perhaps I already do," Loki hums. She told him that she hated him, many times. Back then, he didn't listen, but now he does? Really, Thor is beyond reclaim.

"And you are showing it, and you have any right to," Thor argues, voice quivering. He knows he did her wrong. All this time he believed that Loki tried to fool him that night, but if the trickster didn't, then... that changes everything, at least it does to him. As foolish as it is, and as humiliating as it may be, he has to hold on now, bow his head and ask forgiveness. Thor can't afford to lose. This mustn't end, not like this.

" _Of course_ I had any reason to. Believe me, Thor, not many people drive me to the point where I stood, _thrice_ ," she huffs. Thor bows his head. Loki tried to kill himself back when he let go and fell into the abyss by the Bifröst, he wanted to again when he chose his punishment and, inside his heart, favored death, and finally when she wanted to jump off the roof in desperation. At some point it's hard to believe that Thor didn't get the hint after all this time. She literally _died_ for him.

"I know. And I know it's because of me, because of what I did to you and... and what I didn't do, but... please, Loki, by Valhalla, don't shut me out. Don't make yourself a puppet I command with my foolery," he begs dramatically. Loki silences at that and starts to comb her hair.

"I see that I have wronged you. I wronged you longer than the last year. I wronged you for decades and centuries. And perhaps that is what made your features harden, what made you cold as ice," he bows his head in shame. All this time he thought it was solely Loki's fault that the rupture happened, that their bond collapsed, but now Thor realizes that maybe he pushed just as much as the trickster did.

"I'm Jotun. We are Ice Giants. We are cold as ice by definition," Loki snorts.

"It is me, isn't it? I made you so angry, didn't I? I was the one to cause all the hatred and mischief inside your heart. It was me all along," he asks, though he knows the answer already.

"There are many things that made me go over the edge. Do not worry, Thor, I was also mad at Father and generally the rest of the world," she returns, much to his surprise.

"I'm not talking about this incident, or the other. I am talking about the person I made you by my actions, the one who cannot show feelings out of the fear to be defied once again," he argues vehemently.

"You really think that low of me?" she snorts.

"I think that I have to repent for that crime, the crime committed to you. It was me, all these years, who made you mock the world and put on that fake smile. I was the one who took the real smile away from you, the one you had when we were both still small and played hide and seek... that one smile you gave me at this very night in the gardens...," he whimpers almost. He knows, he tore it away from her. How? Thor can't tell for sure, he only knows _that_ he did and that this is unforgivable.

"I told you that I played you," she shakes her head, her voice no more than a whisper. It was a game, _wasn't it_? A chase? Yes, a chase of two fools.

"That smile was the smile I knew from you as a child. It was as pure as a diamond," he insists.

"So?" Loki shrugs. _What is the point_?

"I know that this was not played," Thor shakes his head.

"One can never know," Loki manages to almost smirk, but fails. Thor suddenly grabs her again to turn her to him before burying his head in her lap. She means to fight him off, but then, distraught and confused, lets him be as sobs wrack his body.

"I'm sorry," he brings out, his voice stricken with dread and tears. Loki can't remember the last time she saw him cry, let alone sob, kneel _and_ sob. That _never_ happened. Loki's back straightens involuntarily, the discomfort almost unbearable.

"... now stop crying like a baby, that is not... Thor, you are bringing shame upon us both," she grimaces uncomfortably.

"I'm sorry," he mutters again. _Oh, by the Gods! Odin, did you bring forth a sissy or a man?!_ Loki grasps Thor's shoulders to fight him off. She doesn't use her magic to make herself clear, though, since that is seemingly the only way Thor understands, "Thor, now let me go. You are forgiven if that makes it okay again. Let go. I was tricking you. It is not too late, you did not cause my heart to harden, I forgive you, but let me go."

"I'm sorry," he wails. Loki's eyes open incredibly wider as he tightens his hold on her.

"If this is a way for you to gain my pity, then...," she grits her teeth, but Thor just keeps going with his mantra, "I'm sorry."

Loki is at a loss. She never saw her brother that broken, really, not even when she went havoc. She wants to punch him, hurt him, push him away, but her hands do not listen to her. Her features sag at the realization that she cannot. She cannot. By the Gods, _damn_ the conscience she grew thanks to the Avengers, or the affection she, for some reason, still bears him. Before Loki can even process her own actions, she finds herself running soft circles over his broad back, hushing small soothing tones.

"It's alright," she hums. Thor suddenly looks up to her, tears streaming down his face, and never did he look more vulnerable or more beautiful than at this very moment, the young woman thinks. Thor leaps forward, then, and catches her lips. She is confused for a moment, but then eases into the tenderness of his touch, the roughness of his gesture, the silence of the moment, the yearning nourished over centuries. Everything is washed away. For a moment there is just them, no past, no present, no future. Not space. No place. Just them. For a moment there is a surge of perfection, but then her world is put back into focus and Loki finds herself pulling away.

"I can't do this," she shakes her head. It was supposed to end tonight. She can't go back. Loki means to draw away again, but Thor holds her hands, firmly, but warmly.

"Please," he begs, now with more self-composure.

"I can't," Loki mutters. He cannot win after all he's done. She cannot win after all she's done. There mustn't be a way that they win. They have to lose!

"I love you," he brings out.

"Don't you dare say that. Don't you dare!" Loki hisses, gritting her teeth. _No, just no_!

"I love you," Thor insists. It's the last thing he knows, it's all that should matter, what should've mattered all along. He loves her to the point of madness and beyond, how else would one explain all this? They are mad in their love. _Mad_! But he doesn't care, for as long as Loki is there with him.

"It is empty when you say it, Thor. I know a part of you will always love me. We had it all before," she rolls her eyes. He loves her as a brother, he loved her as Maya. They have been there - and they are running circles again. When does it end?

"No, I love you," he argues, his voice gaining more and more self-consciousness.

"You just say that to please me," she huffs.

"It is the truth I'm speaking. I love you. That is... that is why I treated you the way I did. I was afraid of it," he admits.

" _You_? Afraid?" she huffs. Two words that cannot be said in the same sentence without a negation in it.

"I was, still am. I was afraid of this love because it is against the other love I feel for you, for you as my brother," he explains.

"Why?" Loki demands.

"Because I loved you on that other level for a long time, but I did not wish to believe it. I put the love of my brother in front of this to disguise those other feelings. I know now that it was wrong, but it didn't feel right to me to love the person I knew my brother for all my life in that other way. That I hurt you by this... it is a sin I will perhaps never be forgiven, but believe me when I say that I do love you, no matter the form," Thor insists, his chest heaving.

"And still...," Loki sighs, but Thor interrupts her, "Fine, I know that I have given you any proof not to believe me. But... but I can make you a promise."

"What promise?" she asks.

"I will learn how to love you in that form, once again. To love you for your soul, not the rank, not the title, not the shape, not the heritage, not the... sex. I promise you, I can learn that. I just need a bit of time, a bit of help. I know I am asking the impossible, Loki, but... but you have to see that you and I, very often, did the impossible. You especially. With you, I can make it happen. I just... I cannot afford to lose you to my foolishness, please," Thor insists.

"I don't know," she sighs, finding herself wavered. All her determination seeps out of her body, just to go up in mist. Damn this stupid oaf. Damn herself. Damn _everything_!

"That's okay. Give it time. I only need to know one thing from you: do you love me, too? Or is all fire dead that once was in your heart for me? Or else I will have to... I will have to stop. I will be to your service," he says - and that surprises Loki about as much as did his sobbing. That Thor would accept _defeat_ for her... she knows what that means, it is the _impossible_ for the God of Thunder... and here he kneels and wants to try. _Oh, foolish heart, why are you failing me_?

"... you know the answer," she whispers after a longer pause, not meeting his eyes. Loki doesn't want him to see her shame. If there was no flame, there wouldn't be any burns, there wouldn't be scars. Thor beams at her as she says it.

"That's great! That's wonderful! Oh, Loki, now we can...," Thor smiles, so overly joyous that it is almost ridiculous again. He turns to face her again, tears now freely running down her cheeks, but it's no tears of joy, it's tears of pain and dread.

"What is wrong?" he gasps. Wasn't that the moment they should embrace each other - and it'd be fine again?

"I need to be alone. Right now," she brings out, her voice almost dying under the tears she is holding back.

"But we...," Thor gapes, still not comprehending her suddenly harsh reaction.

"Thor, don't. Just go. Please," she brings out, the " _please_ " coming out more as vehement begging than a request. She needs him out. She can't take this anymore. It's all too much. She is running circles again. It just doesn't stop. The thunderer studies her face, almost sagging together in dread. Thor gets up and walks over to the door, his features sunken, defeat claiming him.

"I do love you, and I will always," he says as he turns.

"I know...," she whispers. He closes the door.

"And so do I," she speaks under her breath before she allows her head to rest on her arms and cries into the night.

Both in ruins.


	22. Two Fools

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki and Thor have a rough time after admissions were previously made.

_Irony. On the one hand, a way to make fun of other people, a situation, a thing. A handy tool to appear smarter than the others, to have this feeling of being better than the rest of the world, universe, realm, because you know so much better that you stand above things. One of the few uplifting moments that allow you to pull through even the darker hours of life, after all, you can still flash a smile and make a comment. On the other hand, if your life turns ironic, then you have lost the battle to the forces of epic irony. Your life, your very being, becomes a farce. You suddenly become this clownish figure that dances around in the hope that someone takes it for real, for what is behind the heavy make-up and checkered clothes. You can be as cunning and witty as you want, once your life becomes a theater performance, there is just no longer a way back for you. And in contrast to a real theater, you cannot go offstage once the performance is over, wash off the make-up and return to real life. Why? Because once your life is irony, the final curtain never falls. You are stuck onstage for all to see, for all you made fun of to laugh at you now, laugh so hard that tears spring to their eyes. And aren't you an intriguing funny clown, then?_

* * *

Tony, Bruce, and Thor are in the kitchen, eating breakfast after yesterday's "mega-awesome", to quote Stark, party. Thor is trying to drown himself in his huge bowl of cereal, the melancholy ever so clear in his features. After the conversation he had with Loki, everything just broke down in front of him, everything that he thought he had fixed or could fix... it broke again, shattered like glass that falls to the ground. And this loss feels about as bad as the one Thor felt tugging at his heart when he believed Loki dead. At some point, the thunderer only gets the feeling that Loki died all over again, to him. Because he was too late? Maybe, probably, even. Really, just when became life such an idle endeavor?

Tony and Bruce grimace at the scene. They saw him sulking before, but this is definitely new.

"Are we supposed to say something?" Tony asks Bruce, holding up his newspaper a bit higher so that Thor can't see his mouth... though Tony doubts that Thor would even bother to care, as lost as he eye-sexes the ( _pastry_ ) bowl of Cheerios. The doctor turns to him, copying his movement, "Like what?"

"Dunno? Just what this is about? Or why he tries to drown in his cereal?" Tony makes a face, but Bruce argues, "I think we'd do better at keeping out of this."

"But... this is weird," Tony argues.

"Tony, for once, be discrete," Bruce sighs. Tony nods, then turns to Thor, "Yo, Big Guy, what's wrong with ya?"

Bruce smacks his forehead. Tony is many things, and many great things, actually, but discretion seems to be none of his features, no, it's most definitely none of his features. Thor blinks at Tony almost blearily, "What? Uh, I am sorry. I was... _absent..._ for a moment. Never mind."

"Well, you're kinda down since the party. Was just wondering," Tony asks.

"I... no, everything is fine. Thank you," Thor assures quickly. He considers them his friends, but that doesn't mean that the thunderer airs his dirty linen in public. At least that is what he was taught since he was a child... even if it became incredibly regular that people try to get into his business, but Thor came to the conclusion that this is a human peculiarity of some sort that he finds charming to some degree, since it seemingly implies a great deal of care from the other party.

"Uh-huh," Tony replies, not buying any of it. Bruce nudges him into the side lightly, glaring at him, but Tony remains unimpressed. After all, everyone thought that Loki and Thor put some of their drama to rest, but after the party... well, they can't tell for sure, but it would come as a huge surprise if Thor's muteness and Loki's aloofness were not good indicators that something is at sixes and sevens.

Thor takes another ( _serving_ ) spoonful of the cereal as suddenly Loki enters the kitchen, her eyes instantly on him – and God, can she open them far. It's as though her emerald eyes almost pop out of their sockets. Thor looks equally shocked, which results in all milk from the spoonful of cereal dribbling down his chin. But instead of Loki's typical banter, she simply turns on the heel and disappears again wordlessly, before either one can say anything.

And that was the confirmation: Sixes and sevens ahead...

"Big Guy, you can shut your mouth now. The cereal tries to get back out," Tony snickers.

"What?" Thor stutters. Tony gestures nods at Thor's chin. The thunderer looks down at himself, now realizing that he has milk all over his chin and chest. He hastily wipes it off with his forearm, the well-mannered Asgardian he is.

"So you're sure everything's alright?" Tony cocks an eyebrow at him.

"What? Yes, why?" Thor asks, blinking at him.

"Uhm, coz you just deadpanned over your cereal – and Loki, who normally takes any challenge, ran from the room as though she was freaked out of her mind?" Tony suggests.

"... I don't know what you are talking about," Thor grumbles.

"Well, let's just say that you two are being awkward?" Tony goes on.

"We are what?" Thor makes a face, not understanding what Tony tries to get across here, so Tony goes on to explain, "Awkward, like... uhm, well, weird, odd, embarrassed, acting like teenagers, simply _awkward._ When you see each other, you have like a major panic attack. I mean... we all thought you kinda came to terms... _some..._ and now this?"

"I do not wish to talk about it," Thor mutters.

"But...," Tony wants to say, but Bruce quickly interrupts him, "And we respect that, because it's a private matter between those two, isn't it, Tony?"

"But not when it is about the team, right? If you two can't even look at each other, then this will backfire on us in the fight. And I would rather not end up as toast because you two have the drama on your side _again,"_ Tony argues.

"Tony, shut up already," Bruce glares at him, but Thor admits, "We... argued. That's all I have to say. And when the time comes, we will work well enough together that you shall see no difference, Master Stark."

"See? Problem solved," Bruce glances at Tony, but he just goes on, "But if we now..."

"Tony, shut up," Bruce growls.

"I just...," Tony wants to say, but doesn't get to it because Bruce shushes him, "Tony."

Tony throws his hands in the air, "Fine, I'm shutting up... okay, let's start to work!"

Tony and Bruce get up instantly and make their way over to the door, and thus move out of the danger zone. Thor remains seated, intently focused on his cereal. The two shrug at each other before taking off.

* * *

A few days later, Thor is sitting in the lounge area along with Steve and Clint, watching the news. He sits on the rim of the couch, arms folded over the strong chest, intently focused on what the host has to say.

The door opens, once again, and, once again, Loki steps in. Thor, perfectly taken by surprise, drops off the couch in a loud thud. Steve can't hold back a laughter at that scene, because it is just such a slapstick moment, just looked like in the movies. Loki tilts her head with a hint of curiosity as she crosses over to them.

"Hey, Loki," Steve greets her, coughing into his hand to stop laughing.

"Captain. Master Barton...," Loki bows to them as politely as ever before she walks behind the sofa, where Thor still lies on the ground. She bends down a bit, "... Thor."

Clint looks over the couch to see the scene behind them – and now starts laughing also, which surely means something.

"Will you stay there?" she asks almost in a soft voice. Thor nods with his face still to the ground. Loki nods back, gets back up, and rounds the corner to sit back down, now between Steve and Clint, who now stare at Loki, and then at Thor again. With Asgardians it never gets boring, as it seems.

"Uhm, are you two okay?" Steve frowns at Loki, who looks at him perfectly calm, "Perfect. Why?"

Steve makes a face. Isn't it obvious?

"Because Thor just kissed the ground and won't get back up?" he suggests, but Loki waves her hands almost dismissively, "Oh, _that..._ no, he does that a lot when he is having an air of embarrassment. He just has to sit it out, or in this case... lie it out."

"Aha," Clint nods, faking, well, understanding. The God of Mischief turns her head to the TV after that, and intently watches TV, taking no notice of Thor, who remains on the ground. Steve and Clint frown, but then simply give in – with Asgardians you just never know. The only thing you know is that you shouldn't make them angry at you... that can have really hurtful consequences for you.

After a while, the door opens again and Natasha comes inside. Clint and Steve instantly start to hide their smirks. Natasha frowns as she comes to sit on the couch as well. As she does, she notices Thor behind the couch, "Why is Thor lying behind the couch?"

Clint and Steve burst out laughing at that.

"Guys? Is this some kinda sick Asgardian version of Hide and Seek?" Natasha grimaces.

"He just needs a moment," Steve nods, trying to act serious, but fails. Loki chooses that moment to get up from her seat.

"Good day, everyone," she says before she leaves without another word. Natasha frowns at the other two, who just shrug back at her.

"Do we have to help him get back up now?" she asks, but Clint and Steve just shrug at her again. How would they know?

* * *

Loki makes her way over to the lab after the encounter with Thor, where Bruce is already waiting for her arrival, "Ah, there you are."

"In fact, here I am," she smirks. "I just wanted to watch the news little quick."

"Why do you?" he frowns. "I thought they are just bogus to you?"

"The host's toupee is just so ridiculous. It always moves around on his head," she snickers.

"That is the only reason you watch the news?" he frowns.

"The main reason," she shrugs.

"I see," Bruce scratches the back of his head. "Here, uhm, got your tasks for the day."

She takes the folder from him and skims through the pages, nodding occasionally, her mind visibly working on possible solutions. Loki sits down in her chair and starts to scribble on her notepad. Even if she is proficient with the computers now, thanks to Bruce's and Tony's teaching, she still rather starts to work on good old paper. Or as she always underlines – out of an air of nostalgia. When Bruce asked her, she simply shrugged and said that she is a creature of habit.

They work silently for a while, until Bruce finally brings himself to ask her, "Will you tell me what's going on between you and Thor? And you know what I'm talking, so don't even try to give me that wise remark of 'I don't know what you are talking about'."

"I'm fully aware that we are _ridiculous_ around each other," she admits, much to his surpris. "It is simply that I don't know how to avoid that."

"Then why are you awkward to each other? You know, if you want to solve a problem, you have to tackle its source," Bruce reminds her.

"Well, we are the source for each other's discomfort, so to speak. So... perhaps we would do good at simply having a traditional Aesir duel, to death. Get rid of the source, get rid of the problem, no?" she suggests sarcastically. Bruce chuckles lightly, "Please don't kill each other. Romeo and Juliet didn't have much of killing themselves either, even if they committed suicide, but... you know what I mean."

"True again. I liked this play particularly for its ending," she snickers, which makes Bruce frown at her, "Not for the love story in between?"

"Oh, that is cliché, isn't it? I mean... a love that cannot be, mustn't be... and families in the way... that is typical," she argues, "Now the ending was striking, because actually epic irony got the better of them."

Of course it doesn't go without her notice that their current situation could be described in similar terms. Two rivaling families... Aesir and Jotun... a love that shouldn't be... and the prospect of a tragic ending. Just when did they become such a cliché?

"I forgot that you find that kinda morbid stuff totally hilarious," Bruce chuckles. All gave up long time ago to argue about her kind of humor.

"Quite right," Loki grins.

"Why are you and Thor so awkward around one another?" Bruce asks again.

"We talked about a very private matter... and now it's hard to be around each other with the revelation that came with it," Loki admits. She would rather bury this somewhere deep down in the ground, but she knows by now that her time on earth made her somewhat soft. Loki actually enjoys maintaining friendships with the Avengers, and that also involves not to live in a capsule, and it means to actually reveal yourself at some point.

"Huh?" Bruce frowns at her, so Loki goes on, "It would take far long too explain it all. After all, whatever business I have with Thor reaches back eons of time. In short... we both said things we normally wouldn't have, and perhaps shouldn't have, and now we are just... trying to come up after the dive again, you see. And that takes a while."

"Well, I am just wondering – I never saw you running off like a few days ago, in the kitchen," he argues.

"That was because it was just the first time to see each other after that conversation... and I was not ready," she admits. "And when I'm unprepared, I actually have the habit to flee. I rather have my composure. A plan. Something I lacked back then."

"Okay," he nods.

"Now I have one," she replies.

"And that plan is?" he frowns.

"Hm, I read about exposure therapy. I suppose this might be something worth a try," Loki shrug.

"So... you don't avoid him anymore... until it's no longer awkward?" Bruce asks.

"Well, even if I'm not all too sure about the success of this kind of approach, even I can see that avoiding us till the end of days will do nothing to resolve the issue in any way... and it will be hard on a mission. We would always have to fight back to back... or I find myself some other team of superheroes that would like to take me in. I don't find that option satisfactory, which is why I want to try the former," she explains. Bruce can't help but smirk.

He knows that Loki is much more emotional than she likes to show, but it never ceases to amaze him how she still tries to find an analytic approach to her feelings and emotional situation. When Loki has a problem, she reads it up, be it contemporary literature, philosophical papers, or scientific theories. She just wants to get to the bottom of things, understand the things she can't figure out yet, and then make a rational, and hopefully smart, decision. Yet, and that is probably the most ironic aspect of it all, that is exactly what causes most of her confusion.

At some point, you can't figure out feelings, because they are well, feelings.

"Well, since that is a plan I didn't share with the God of Thunder yet, I suppose it will be mostly Thor who will give you all comic relief for a while longer. He just proved so by hiding behind the sofa," she mutters, shaking her head, which makes her curly her bounce up and down.

"That bad, huh?" Bruce grimace sympathetically.

"Thor is rather predictable in that regard. He already did that as a child," Loki shrugs.

"Hiding behind the sofa?" Bruce grimaces.

"No, that was out of the moment," she chuckles, before her eyes drift off at the memory. "As children we used to spar a lot, and Thor loved it. Of course he did, the stupid oaf. But even with his great strength, he failed here and there and lost a fight, stumbled, tripped, the usual troubles of a klutz. He fell to the ground, more often than he'd like to admit. And that was when he would just stay in that spot and in that fashion until the embarrassment had passed him. That trait has survived till this day."

"Must've looked really funny," Bruce smirks. If you see Thor today, it's not hard to imagine him as a klutzy child. That guy breaks more glass than the Hulk at times – because Thor just won't drink out of plastic cups. However, apart from that he is somewhat tougher, calmer, more sophisticated (even if he forgets about it here and there). Especially if you consider his great strength and ability to fight, it gets hard to imagine that even he had to train to get to the point where he became the God of Thunder who took on entire armies of different races.

"Oh, it is extremely amusing," Loki huffs. And that is actually true. The memories of Thor's face planted into mud after he just got Mjölnir and wanted to show off, but failed, are the most vivid in her mind... and how hard Loki laughed at his ridiculousness. And it was on this one certain occasion when they were still so young and didn't know better that Thor actually did it to cheer Loki back up after the prince had been defeated by Volstagg. If only both had known already back then what would become of them... namely this here, pathetically ridiculous fools who became a theatrical cliché of themselves.

"Then what do you do when you feel totally embarrassed?" Bruce asks curiously. Loki takes a moment of consideration before she shrugs her shoulders, "Different things. I play a trick here and there. I suppose that this is something anyone who's ever read our lore should be aware of. As the God of Mischief you have a certain reputation. Other than that, I actually go and leave a situation and return composed later... or I get _snappy_ , as Master Stark would coin it."

"Good to know," he winks at her.

"Well, so you see... Thor and I are both creatures of habit... not only in creating drama and being utmost ridiculous, but also with our... coping mechanisms," she says.

"And you're sure you can't resolve this somehow by talking it out?" Bruce argues.

"I fear there is just too much to talk about," Loki replies. "... or too much that's already been said."

And now there is just no longer a way back, as it seems.

"You are immortal. Don't you have like... all time in the world?" Bruce huffs playfully.

"I fear even the times of all universes would not suffice..." Loki murmurs. She falls silent after that and refrains to her studies. Bruce sighs, but eventually gives in.

Neither one is willing to talk about it, well, then that is so.


	23. Finding Comfort in Childish Actions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve, not knowing that he is, opens up some old wounds for Loki.

"... No!" Loki growls, pulling at her sleeve furiously. She, Steve, and Tony are standing in the lounge.

"Oh, c'mon, Loki, please!" Steve sighs. She is just being a drama queen again...

"No, by the Gods, no! Such monstrous nonsense! No! Never! Not in all eons in the world!" she cries out, gritting her white teeth at him. She bears more semblance to a cheetah than a human being now.

"For the team?" he asks, though the Captain knows it's a lost cause anyways.

"I said no!" she growls. If possible, her long raven hair actually starts to stand up from her scalp thanks to the agitation.

"Don't make me beg you," he exhales.

"You could crawl on your stomach and I wouldn't listen to any of this foolery! No to that! No to all of it! No, from the bottom of my black heart! No!" she yells. That is actually the Loki all remember from the former days, or so it seems.

"I'm kinda with Steve. Those events are fun!" Tony argues, glancing up from his notepad.

"To you watching internet videos of teenagers burping in each other's faces is also considered fun," Loki retorts.

"That is totally...," Tony wants to defend himself, but the other two interrupt him simultaneously, "Shut up."

"Always at the guy with good looks, genius, and money...," Tony grumbles, going back to his notes. Shall the two figure it out themselves.

"Loki, please? Can't you just do us this one favor?" Steve turns to the young woman again, but before Loki can throw the next accusation at him, Bruce comes inside.

"Bruce! You have to help me out!" Steve exclaims, hoping that her best friend might convince her.

"With what now?" Bruce frowns. Really, this house is just one deposit of drama.

"To convince Loki!" Steve insists.

"No one can convince her of anything she doesn't want," Bruce chuckles. That is a lesson he long since learned. It might be that she is much kinder than most people give her credit for, but she stays a bullhead out of the handbook.

"Look, I'm not asking for myself, but because SHIELD wants to work on its reputation, and especially the Avengers. As superheroes we have keep up a positive attitude. We don't want the masses to come with the pitchforks, you see," Steve explains.

"And what does Loki have to do with it?" Bruce frowns.

"There is this charity event, well, not charity, but...," Steve wants to say, but Loki quickly interrupts him, "He wants me to go to a school to play around with children."

"What?! I thought this was supposed to be for this old people's home!" Tony cries out, because then sure as hell he would have told the Captain to stop right away, oh dear! Steve stares even more. Why is everyone against him all of a sudden?!

"I guess you can count yourself lucky that she didn't tear your face off yet," Bruce shakes his head, and Tony can only agree, "Most definitely."

Steve's frown only deepens. At some point, he must have missed a memo.

"As I said, it's a SHIELD-order. They want us to work on our reputation. Especially for Loki now on the team it's important that she gets her status. She got a few good news stories by now, but other than that, they don't know her, or rather Jade Eyes," Steve goes on.

"Which was supposed to be the main intention here, after all. I work undercover to do just that," Loki hisses.

"But Jade Eyes is the persona people recognize you for, just as people see me as Captain America. And because you aren't there as an original member, we have to make sure that people get to know you and like you," Steve goes on. He knows it sucks, but that's just the daily business of any superhero, as it seems. You don't just have to save the world, but you have to make it a public issue.

"I give a damn," she growls, but Steve argues, "But SHIELD doesn't. And they have a point. Look, if public is on our side, then we have it a lot easier walking around. In plains. That means for you also that you can just go to a café without having to fear that someone comes to throw something at you. Plus, it's good to find new beneficiaries and everything. I know how it is like to be the pet for a bigger organization. I was the commercial guy for the Army for some time, too, and now I'm kinda again. It's just what we do also. I know it sucks, but everyone has to do it, and especially you, since you refuse giving interviews, _at all_."

However, that only gets Loki's anger flaring another time, "Again, for good reason, since I would have nothing to tell other than some construed lies. Where's the point? I can't talk about my true heritage, I can't talk about my experience here on Earth before my employment here since I consider it rubbish, and rather a shameful state of mind to be begging in the streets... and about SHIELD internals I'm not supposed to talk either. Well, now you tell me what I'm supposed to talk about?"

"Hey, it's not like I'm not with you on that one, but we aren't just a secret agency who saves the world, we have a public reputation. We can't walk down the street without being recognized as the Avengers. The same goes for you. If we handle this the right way now, then you will have least trouble, believe me. Cooperation is really the best," he assures her, in the hope that will actually calm the trickster.

"I will behead those children once I see them, how will that help me to gain a positive reputation, hm?" Loki hisses, the anger pouring over her.

"Loki, we all know you won't. So stop kidding me, will you?" Steve sighs, losing patience.

"Oh, I'm not kidding. I'm perfectly sincere," she grits her teeth.

"What's the deal with kids, you tell me?" Steve shakes his head. Tony and Bruce look at each other almost in shock. They should have interrupted sooner, but once Loki gets going, there is no way to stop her... let's just think back to the time when Loki first came to Earth. You can say what you want, the God of Mischief pulled it off till the bitter end.

"Thin ice, Steve, you better come back to shore, right now," Tony shakes his head vehemently, purposely stepping over to the couch... just in case he has to jump behind it for cover.

"What? I don't get it. Why can't you go see children? They are nice and cute. They are not like a hungry pack of journalists," Steve argues.

"Steve, leave it alone," Bruce almost begs now, actually fearing for the Captain's life. "Tony can just go alone."

"Geez, I don't want to be the mean guy here, I just got told that she's supposed to join with you and Thor," Steve argues.

"For goodness' sake, shuddup!" Tony cries out, waving his hands in the air.

"The reason why I do not wish to go and have fun with children is plainly that I would rather die than holding hands with some stranger's child and not my own. It would be unforgivable to play with children when I should be with mine," she hisses. Steve gapes at her, "What?"

"She means to say...," Bruce wants to jump in, but Loki quickly interrupts, "Captain, I understand that you are here merely as the messenger, but as one of the team I tell you now: I won't play with children not mine. My children are out there, somewhere, alone, and that is punishment enough. I can't bring myself to laugh along with some stranger's child and pretend that I'm not a mother already."

"Now I feel like the total jerk," Steve sighs, running his fingers through his hair. He had no clue about this, to be perfectly honest. At some point he thought that the Norse lore was more of a... loose interpretation. At least that is what he learned in school, to see the symbolism... but that was seemingly bogus.

"Ha! Mr. Right wasn't right!" Tony huffs, glad for once not to be the "culprit" here, but Bruce just glares at him.

"Loki, I didn't know that you...," Steve stammers, but Loki replies, now in a softer voice, "You couldn't know. And I really don't blame _you._ I apologize for... taking it out on you. I would just politely ask you to tell Master Fury that I will not join for that. He can count me in for almost anything else but this."

"Yeah, no, that's alright. That's... I'm so sorry," he blinks at her.

"Don't be. Thank you," Loki whispers. With that she quickly makes her way out of the room into the hallway where she bumps into Thor, who obviously overheard the conversation.

"Loki, I... I'm so sorry that...," he wants to say, coming a little closer, but she just draws away from him, "I have to go."

With that she disappears.

Loki just can't look at anyone now, Thor the least. Or else she will start to cry, and Loki swore to never shed a tear for her children again. She cried enough, cried all tears that she could, but it hurts, hurt worse than any stab wound she ever took, worse than any wound she suffered so far.

The trickster hastily makes her way into her room, shuts the door, and flops down on the ground, needing the stability of the floor to literally ground herself. She draws her knees to her chest and sucks in the much-needed air, which pours down her throat like acid. Loki closes her eyes against the tears she is not willing to shed. It was one thing to come clean to Stark, or to Bruce, but it's another to get it rubbed under your nose that you lost this fight, so long ago that you cannot possibly go back, change something, anything.

As her mind races, the loose objects in her room start to float in the air. When her feelings lead astray, then sometimes her magic gets the better of her, too. Loki tries to concentrate, regain focus, tranquility. Loki calls back to mind the last times she was face-to-face with her children, how she used to sit with them, talk to them, mumble apologies, offer comfort in the darkness that greedily swallowed them, just to spit them back out in different places, scattered over the realms.

Loki takes her time to regain focus, find back to herself. The God of Mischief made a promise to them back then, to her children, that none of them would cry again, not for their shared life never coming about. They promised to stand strong, never bow to anyone or anything, always hold the head high, even in the darkest hours of life. They can take their freedom, but not their dignity, she used to tell them. So be it that they are all monsters, but monsters are strong, monsters do not hesitate to bite, ram their gigantic claws into weak flesh, tear apart, shred, set on fire, kill. For them it actually became a comfort that their destiny was not merely to be parted, but also to be made something children would be afraid of. It protected them of the world no one wanted them in from the start. No one dared to come close, no one dared to touch them because they feared their vengeance. So perhaps it was the smaller evil, the smaller curse of all possible. After all, they are alive. And that is more than some dare to wish for. If life is the one good that matters by the end of the day, then that means that their fight might not be a lost cause after all?

After a long time of meditation, Loki actually feels calm and focused again, at least enough to work again. She just needs the silence to allow her thoughts to lead astray. A caged animal will go down, but if you let it out of the cage a few times a day and let it stroll around, then madness comes far later to claim it again.

Loki gets up and walks outside, just to find Thor leaning against the wall, arms folded over the strong chest. She actually jumps at that a bit. After all, she didn't expect to find anyone only close to her room. Normally, all Avengers know by now that if Loki is having one of her mood swings they do best at keeping a long distance until she calmed down again. It was actually Steve who had to learn it the very hard way. He passed by when suddenly objects kept smashing against the wall. It was only thanks to his fast reflexes that he managed to jump back and bypass injury. Loki greatly apologized for it, but since then... everyone knew that Loki angry means bad stuff to happen.

"What are you doing here?" she asks, unable to hide her confusion and shock, actually. If anyone, she may have expected Bruce to come to her to take her to the lab, or even Stark to make her work on the project to take her mind off the obvious, but here he stands, in the flesh. He, of all people, of all creatures roaming this planet. It shouldn't come as a surprise to Loki, but still... it does.

Thor looks at her for a moment before he goes on to explain, "I just wanted to make sure that you are... _alright."_

"Oh, uh... thanks, I suppose," she grimaces, "so you actually stood outside my door all this time?"

Thor looks at her, and she knows that he did. _Of course_ he did.

"I would have told the Captain if I had known. Master Stark told me that we would go to see some of the wise men of the community," Thor explains in all honesty. He would have stopped all this from the beginning. It might be that they have unresolved problems, too many to the count, but Thor wouldn't ever allow anyone to hurt Loki like that. It's enough that he is causing her so much pain.

"It was a big misunderstanding, when it comes to Master Rogers," Loki argues, hugging her arms, suddenly feeling a chill running down her spine, "I suppose that this is something I should have informed all about, to bypass such... situations."

"It never should have come to it," he argues, and for once Loki actually feels grateful for the support.

"Yet, it did, and we cannot change that circumstance," she sighs.

"Sadly not," Thor nods.

"And I suppose that I am to apologize to Master Rogers another time for insulting him like that... ugh, human customs," Loki sighs before she goes on in a hushed voice. "Sometimes I actually miss the times as an Aesir royal."

"How is that?" Thor can't help a smile. Loki shrugs at him, "Well, as a Prince I never had to apologize to the lower ranks."

"And you hardly apologized to anyone in general," he smirks.

"Because I was never at fault, you should know that," she replies, torn between a smile and a teary eye. Just why are they talking again? They shouldn't be talking, she shouldn't feel her lips tugging up for an actual smile, and he shouldn't care.

"Well... I suppose I am to properly thank you then, too, for... staying out my door," she shakes her head, unconsciously running her hands over her arms against the surging cold she feels inside of her. And for the briefest of moments the trickster asks herself if she will turn into an Ice Giant now, but then dismisses the idea. After all, that is what she is, too.

"It is nothing. It was... the absolute least I could do," he argues, searching her eyes.

"I appreciate the gesture," Loki nods, "and the... care."

"Is there anything I can for you? I mean... I," he bites his lower lip. Thor knows that he is running the risk of angering Loki to the point that she will turn him into a goldfish or something of the kind, but at this moment... he just wants her to be good again, back to the state of good she was in before. He can't stand the thought that Loki is even further damaged, for whatever the reason now. Thor learned long ago that there is only so much a person can take before he or she breaks under the pressure. Loki reached that point long ago, but still she managed to pull back somehow. Yet, as frail as her beauty is her world. It is still on the verge of breaking apart again, and Thor doesn't want it to break.

Loki blinks at him. Thor just said that, didn't he? And he meant it. Oh, by the Gods, that man is... her poison? Loki isn't even sure what to call it anymore. She hates him, but still... Thor stays the one person who manages to make her smile through her tears like that, whose mere presence, though it hurt her often, is sometimes enough to soothe all pains and sorrows, hush all the bad away. And that shouldn't be. It mustn't be. Yet...

"There is actually one thing," she hears herself say... just when did her mind disconnect from the rest? Loki is supposed to run from this man, not run into his arms, she is should punch him, hurt him, draw away, but she draws closer. Och, they truly are a cliché.

"Anything," he says, surprised that Loki actually takes the offer.

"Just come inside and don't say a word," Loki says before she turns on the heel and walks back into the room. Thor follows her command wordlessly and walks after her.

"Sit down on the bed," she goes on. Thor simply goes with it, though he is not entirely sure what to make of it. Loki nods wordlessly, then walks to the other side of the bed and sits down herself, and then slides backwards till her back touches his. Once again the young woman draws her knees up to her chin, but in a more relaxed way.

Loki knows it's perfectly childish and completely out-of-place, but... she just needs this bit of comfort. Her body literally demands it from her.

"We used to do that, as children, you remember?" she asks in a hushed voice.

"Yeah," he sighs. That was back when their world was still intact. where they were just two siblings who made pinky promises when no one was looking, when they simply stayed like that in the grass of the first spring weather, where the world was a simple universe for them and them alone.

"I know it's foolish, but...," she licks her lips, "I still find it a comfort."

"It isn't foolish," Thor argues quickly, "not at all."

"... thank you," she sighs, "for... this. I know that we..."

"It's okay. I'm just... here," Thor says in a hushed voice. Loki nods to herself and buries her face in her lap and allows the comforting warmth to her spine to overtake all doubts and insecurities, all sadness and dread. For a moment, and be it ever so brief, she is child again, a child whose world may collapse as it pleases, for as long as there was this one person that still had its back.

And isn't it ever so foolish to let the one man have her back who causes most of Loki's dread? It surely is... but all that disappears with the warmth claiming her.

And for once the warmth seems to win over the cold ice within her.

She doesn't freeze anymore.


	24. Late Night & Charlie Chaplin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Loki share a moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since we got a lot of insight into Loki's demons and a bit of Thorki goodness, I felt that it might be time to extend on Steve/Loki, you know, to fix things after he put his foot in it.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you'll like it.

A few days later...

It's late night. Steve is sitting on the couch, watching TV, the room perfectly dark other than the blueish light flickering through the room, dimming his features pale, almost white. His face is solemn, sad almost. His eyes are fixed on the screen as suddenly the door opens and Loki steps in.

"L, Loki," he stammers, caught off-guard at her sudden appearance. Steve nervously sits up, having that ridiculous feeling that he just got caught with his hands in the cookie jar, for some unexplainable reason.

"Oh, Captain. I did not expect you here," Loki blinks at Steve, who manages a shy smile. "I didn't expect anyone to be up either."

"Well, I'm more of a creature of the night. It fits my morbid dark being a bit more than bright daylight, no?" she shrugs. "But that is not the matter. I apologize for interrupting you in your nightly activity. I shall head out again."

"Oh, ugh, you didn't interrupt me in anything. You can stay if you want," Steve argues quickly.

"That is very kind of you," Loki blinks at him.

"Well, maybe is better to have some company after all," Steve smirks wrily. Loki walks over to the couch and takes her seat next to him, tilting her head at the screen, "May I ask what we are watching?"

"Oh, documentary... on the 40's. I know, cliché, but...," he wants to explain, but Loki politely interrupts him, "Oh, I fully understand your sentiment. This is the time you grew up in. I cannot imagine what it must be like to miss all this time you were frozen, even if I have to give you that you are handling the situation extremely well, according to my standards, that is," Loki argues. And really, she isn't judging anyone anymore for trying to live in the past. After all, that is her dream also. Going back in time where she went wrong and then take a different exit. No, she can perfectly understand it that Steve wants to escape, if only just for the duration of a documentary.

"Thank you," he smirks.

"And of course I'm quite intrigued with this time also," Loki adds, a small smile creeping up her face, which makes Steve frown at her incredulously, "Really?"

She shrugs, "Well, I read about this particular era. Of course there is what most of us define as _horrific,_ and that's what it was, but then... the times of Velcro, the radar, the frisbee... and the Slinky?"

Steve chuckles to himself, "Do you even know what a Slinky is?"

Really, you can say about Loki what you want, but that woman never ceases to surprise and amaze. They live together for so long now, yet... there is always something new to her. It's an ongoing process of getting to know each other, as it seems.

"Oh, of course," she says in a scolding way before she carries on. "Well, I saw a picture... even if I do fail to see how this is actually entertainment for longer than three seconds, but maybe that is just a kind of activity I do not come to understand."

"Nope, never saw what people got so upset about," Steve shakes his head. "I mean... only thing it does is being colorful, if it is, and making the same movement until it stops, and then you pick it back up and repeat the process."

"Well, then it isn't just my foreignness that keeps me from truly appreciating this kind of... activity," she shrugs. Loki glances at the screen again as the pictures flicker across, perfectly absorbed into the matter. Steve smirks as he eases against the backrest now also. And that is another thing about the trickster that is really interesting about her: even someone who is so analytic and calm most of the time can have that glimmer of childish enthusiasm in her eyes. It suits her well, and all would love if she put it to display more often. Because that would mean that she'd be better, too.

At one point of the documentary, she suddenly leans forward, clapping her hands together silently.

"What is it?" Steve frowns at her. She turns to him, a hint of sheepishness in her mimic, "Oh! I adore this man! Charlie Chaplin is great!"

She keeps on glancing at the screen with glittering eyes.

"You really like it?" Steve asks.

"I adore this kind of humor. This is genius," Loki nods frantically.

"Yeah, I liked him also. Still do," Steve smirks. Loki laughs as the next joke comes about in the clip – and really, she has such a nice laughter.

"I take it that you took your time studying world's history?" Steve questions.

"Well, yes," Loki shrugs.

"I thought we were too barbaric to your liking," Steve argues. At least that is what she used to say, _especially_ in the beginning.

"Then you got me wrong... I mean... you _are_ barbaric," Loki chuckles. "But... We all are. Not just humankind. Believe me when I say that not once did I come across a species that is of true grace or at least... true rationalism. There is not a single race that grew out of its baby shoes yet, at least I didn't find one yet, and I traveled far by now, trust me."

No, in the end it has always been civilizations, or so they called themselves, that either left in isolation so that they are not faced with the possibility of other worlds out there. Or they try to conquer. And war, as cruel and awful as it is... it is no more than childish rivalry by the end of the day.

"So we are not too brute?" Steve chuckles.

"Not more than any other. And I have to say," she grimaces, but then lowers her voice, "your world has this kind of influence... hm, even if he shall never hear it, for his ego is going to burst by then, the world, to me, is very much like Stark."

"What? How?" Steve makes a face. That is actually the comparison he expected least. And that is already an overstatement. After all, Steve didn't even think of it.

"... you don't know why or how, but somehow... it grows on you," Loki explains with a smirk tugging at her lips. Steve laughs at that. She does have a point. That is _just_ Tony's charm.

"There are many things about this place that are detestable, too many to the count. Just take this here," she points at Chaplin impersonating Hitler. "Utmost detestable. Wars. Genocide. Pollution. Nuclear weapons. Fires. Explosions. Plane crashes... porridge."

"Porridge is really on the list of world's grandest evils?" Steve frowns.

"At least in the top ten. I know this was invented in times of hunger, but that this abomination was not abandoned in the times of plenty, I cannot understand... it looks like slobber, it has its texture, and it tastes like it, too. Who would seriously want to eat that when there is anything else to digest?" Loki explains, perfectly sincere.

"... remind me that we never give you that," Steve grimaces.

"Oh, don't worry, I don't throw it against a wall in a tantrum. I only did that at a very young age. I just don't eat it... of course it might happen that I put a chant on the world so that porridge is forgotten about, but... I think that would violate my contract," Loki shrugs. She starts to giggle as Chaplin performs yet another comedic act.

"Well, if there's porridge in this world, then why does it grow on you?" Steve asks playfully, though he is actually curious what the God of Mischief would find worthy of the planet earth to force her to take a liking to it.

"Hm? Oh, strawberries, _Great Expectations_ , the lab, friendship, ridiculous toupees, exotic fruit, Charlie Chaplin, physics, _Utopia_ , cats, coffee in the morning, mathematics, chess...," she says, counting along by tapping at her fingertips.

"That's all?" Steve smirks.

"No, there's a lot I learned to like," Loki shakes her head, but then turns more sincere. "But perhaps, and foremost, it remains the people."

"Yeah?" Steve blinks at her.

"Well, humans are curious things to me. They are... mostly, taking Avengers and other enhanced ones aside for a second, very... weak beings. They are born weak. They don't have exoskeletons to protect them. They are thrown into this world naked and mostly unaware of all the dangers that surround them. They are very vulnerable creatures, if you asked me," she explains.

"Then what do you like about them?" Steve asks more silently now.

"That they don't live in fear," Loki speaks simply.

"Huh?" he frowns.

"Well, of course, humans have fears. And phobias, some of which I find very humorous. I mean, to be afraid of peanut butter being stuck in your throat? Just too funny. But with humans it is... they have those fears, but for the most part, for the entire race of humanity... they are not afraid. They live their lives. They live in a world they designed for themselves, one that wasn't laid out to them – even if I may offend some creationists here. Well, even if you believe in such... my reading of the Bible is still not all that profound, but what I can take from it... even Adam and Eve were cast out of the Garden Eden, thrown into a world they didn't know, out of the protecting hands of their Father, isn't it so?" Loki tilts her head at Steve, who nods, "Sure."

"Well, and that is the thing about humans. They were left alone in a world they didn't know, for some part still don't. Just look at the fact that they only know what? Five percent of what is in the deep seas! Imagine that. They don't even know what is on their own planet! And in the greater picture, they know so little about their spot as one planet among so many that for the longest of times they were perfectly convinced that they were the center of the universe. No one told them the opposite for so long," she licks her lips. "They are afraid, and they have any reason to be. The universe must scare them very often, so I think. All those unknown lands, those stranger enemies who could take them out in the blink of an eye. And try... just look at me."

Steve flashes a comforting smile at her.

"And still... they do not live in fear. They live. They enjoy life: go to baseball games, play chess in the park, skip ropes, eat tons of ice cream, go sky diving, bring up their children, swim, drink coffee, go shopping, ride bicycles, watch Charlie Chaplin, drive cars... they hope. I like that about humans. They aren't afraid of life itself. And even in the greatest crises there is still enough people who dare to live. Perhaps it's that... that they dare to live, no matter what the circumstance. Yeah, I think I like that best," she explains, but then realizes what she just said and blushes slightly. "Oh, I'm drifting off, I apologize."

"No, no, please. It's nice that someone actually says that, especially from outer space. Makes me feel better about myself, thinking about it. I mean... you just basically made me a compliment," Steve assures her.

"And I meant it," she replies.

"Thank you," Steve smirks, but then both fall silent again. The two continue to watch the documentary a while longer when Loki speaks up again, "May I ask why you were so solemn when I came in? I didn't come around to notice."

"... honestly? Uhm, it kinda revolves around you also," Steve admits, which makes her frown at him, "Oh, then... I apologize."

"No, no, it's not something you did, it's what I did," Steve assures her quickly.

"Oh, you mean... that school incident," Loki grimaces.

"Well, obviously," Steve grimaces.

"But I already told you that I don't blame you," Loki insists.

"But I blame myself," Steve admits.

"You couldn't know. I didn't tell you," she argues.

"Yeah, no... I get that, but... this incident... just put a few things in perspective, you see?" Steve bites his lower lip.

"In how far?" she asks curiously.

"Well... I'm just a bit... _afraid..._ that I fall back into pattern," Steve sighs. Loki frowns at him, her emerald eyes sparkling in the dark. Steve licks his lips before he goes on to explain, "Well, back when I was... _made_ Captain America... I was more of a showpiece for the Army. I did those stupid autograph tours when I should have fought against the real enemies in the world. I hated this time because I saw all those soldiers, my fellows, coming back from war wounded... even disabled, if not in a body bag with a flag atop. And I stood there and posed for pictures. It was... disgusting to me. I mean, what do I have all this power for if I don't use it, right?! Well, of course came my active time after that, and that is one of the things I'm utmost proud of, but...," he pauses briefly before he carries on in a softer voice, "When this school-meet came about, I realized that I am very close to doing it again, being this showpiece, just not for the Army but for the SHIELD, or Avengers."

"Oh, I hope I didn't cause the discomfort in you," Loki grimaces. It might be that it was hurtful for her, but no one else should be forced to feel bad for her also. It is a private matter after all.

"No, no, it doesn't have to do with you in particular, or even this situation. It's just that this incident made me realize that this is what I do all the while. I act as the voice of SHIELD for the public, because I have this kinda reputation, maybe. Still... I fear I might head back down that road that I hoped I could get away from. I really hoped that this would be a chance to make sure that I never become a showpiece again. Just as you, I believe in this country and the world in general. And I want to protect that. If I become just some antiquity put on display again... I don't know how to deal with that," he admits.

"May I speak my opinion about the matter?" Loki asks tentatively.

"What? Yes, sure," Steve grimaces. And he can't deny that he actually _wants_ to hear her opinion.

"I don't see your point," Loki says. Steve blinks at her, "What?"

"Let me finish. I don't see your point because... well, you say, in the beginning of your career you were this _showpiece_ because you didn't fight, and only inherited this official function as Captain America, the person on cereal cartons and comic books and whatever else," Loki says, and Steve nods, "Yes."

"And you thought that the times where you weren't this showpiece were when you fought," Loki carries on, and again, Steve can only agree, "Yes."

"... and now you say that you fear that you are going back to this showpiece status because you act as representative of the SHIELD," Loki says. Steve grimaces – she just broke his statement down, but what about it?

"Well, yes," Steve gesticulates. Just what is Loki trying to tell him?

"... but you still fight with us. That is why I don't understand you. You fight alongside us, all the while. You didn't miss out on a single battle ever since I was admitted to the team. You fight with us, you claim victory with us, you face loss with us. That is a different situation from the one you had in the beginning of your career as Captain America. You aren't just the showpiece, because you fight. You fight the way you did in your active times, just that now... you also fulfill this other part. Maybe you are a showpiece, but you are also and ever the more a soldier fulfilling his duty. Your role is an evolved one now: you are not merely a showpiece of the Army, you represent the values you set for yourself and many can identify with, as it seems, by your official work as an Avengers representative and by standing to them in times of battle. So honestly speaking, Captain... I think you are plainly wrong," she concludes. Steve looks at her, stunned. Loki was the last one he thought would encourage him. After all the trouble he caused her, after all it is not really her personality to cheer people on. But the more Steve thinks about what Loki just said... she is right.

"... did I offend you, or...?" Loki tilts her head at him, after all, he stayed quiet for a long while to mull this over. Steve shakes his head to break out of his thoughts and then quickly says, "No, no, you didn't. Not in the least."

"Then... what is the matter?" she frowns.

"Well, foremost, I still ask myself how you can actually be nice to me after I've been a total jerk to you," he laughs shyly.

"As I said, it was not your fault, Captain," Loki assures him another time, "because I can by no stretch of imagination recall that you were present when this... actually took place. Or did you hide your Aesir heritage that well from me?"

"No, still just a kid from Brooklyn," Steve smirks at her.

"So how is the blame on you, Captain?" she argues, "or is it the righteousness surging within you once again that you just have to take the blame of the world?"

"It's just that I'd rather understand you angry at me than... _not,"_ Steve admits.

"Well, I have that reputation... mostly for a reason. And I _was_ angry at you before, so why should I be now? The situation didn't come about. Or is it another human trait that one always has to bother oneself about what could have been?" Loki argues.

"Not really," Steve shakes his head.

"Captain, I took my time to... think about this and... sort out my feelings. I will not lie, this opened up some very old wounds, perhaps the most hurtful of them all," she pauses for a moment before she carries on, "I know that sometimes I am overly dramatic. I'm known and feared for my mood swings ever since a child."

"That was not overly dramatic, believe me. I mean... I can't say that I would've acted the same way. I don't know how that must feel like. I just imagine it to be absolute terror," Steve argues.

"And that is what it was... is, will always be, but... as I said, I took my time. And now I am good again. I take a bit of time to close those wounds again, but then I'm as good as new. I am no longer angry or overly sad... against what could be believed after my performance from a few days back, I'm actually... _past_ it, in some way. I already told Master Stark. I no longer mourn their loss. I try to cherish their lives," she explains in all honesty.

"So... forgive and forget, is that what you suggest?" Steve asks faintly.

"Forgiven and forgotten, yes," she nods, "So? About what caused your personal crisis... what do you make of it?"

"That... you made a point," he grimaces.

"Really? I thought I was just obsessed over my perspective," she puckers her lips, but Steve shakes his head vehemently, "No, no, no, absolutely not. You just made me realize that you are right, and that I'm wrong. I am wrong. Hell, I'm wrong," he exhales, leaning back in his seat, a smile creeping up his face.

"Why are you smiling when you are wrong?" Loki grimaces. Even if she gains a better understanding of humans with each day passing, this is something she doesn't get. Why would somebody be happy about being wrong? She hates it to be wrong, or far worse – to be proven wrong.

"Because being wrong means that I'm no showpiece," he smiles. "You can't imagine what that means to me, Loki. So... thank you."

"... I'm glad if I can be of help, Captain," she shrugs.

"Loki?" Steve turns to her. She blinks at him as he carries on with a smirk, "You are a curious case."

"... is that a compliment?" she frowns playfully.

"Absolutely," Steve smirks. She grins back at him. The Captains leans back in his seat again, as does Loki, but then she exclaims excitedly at the sight on the screen, "Oh, the Swing Era!"

Steve eases further into the seat, smiling as Loki almost dances along in her seating position. No doubt she loves music and dance. The Captain has to smirk at himself, though, also. When he came here tonight, he thought he would just mope for a couple of hours, recalling the 'good old times' by watching the documentary, to forget about his mistakes with Loki and the dread of losing a part of himself. What he didn't expect was to find someone who also liked his times... someone who cares, listens, forgives... and actually someone who pulls him out of this hole by offering a hand.

Charlie Chaplin really rocks.


	25. Growing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony is in trouble, though he has no clue how he ended up in it. 
> 
> Things happen thereafter. 
> 
> Loki and Thor share a moment.

"Tony, you are in big trouble," Natasha declares as she walks into the lounge of the Avengers' mansion. "SHIELD just told me that thanks to you... we appear in a not so bright light, to say the least."

Tony blinks at her incredulously, "If it is about that chick who said I grabbed her butt, believe me: She's telling lies. She is just an old love trying to get back at me, I swear."

"As if I cared, no, it's this one-man show you pull," she huffs, making her anger no secret.

"What?" he grimaces, still having no clue what the SHIELD agent might be hinting at.

"What did he do?" Steve frowns.

"He almost made a plane crash because he had to get into its path, late at night," she explains, her lips a thin line.

" _Seriously_ , Tony?" Steve blinks at him.

"I swear to God that I wasn't. I was... _out_ ," Tony argues vehemently.

"Or rather _up_ in the sky?" Natasha grumbles. "Look, if you wanna goof around in your suit, that's fine, but don't kill people while at it... and don't get caught on camera."

She thrusts the pad into his chest before she storms off. Tony blinks at the screen where you can see him flying through the air and almost clashing into a plane.

"But I wasn't...," he grimaces. "What the hell?!"

* * *

A couple of days later, the Avengers are called to the headquarters – _urgently_. The heroes grimace, but then quickly make their way to meet up with Coulson and Fury. If they say it's urgent, you know that it's really bad.

"I bet we all get it because you goofed around and almost killed someone," Clint grunts.

"I swear I didn't have to do with it!" Tony cries out. He wasn't there… or was he? If only he didn't pour as many drinks as he did that night... which is why no one believes him now.

Once they get inside, they are instantly escorted to the Ops where Coulson and Fury are already waiting for them.

"Okay, before we even get started, I will say it again: I don't know what the hell that was, but I wasn't there when the plane almost crashed," Tony says, holding up his hands in surrender.

"Yeah, we know," Fury sighs.

"What? We have the video footage!" Natasha argues.

"Yeah, but it's not him," Fury argues.

"Who else has a fancy Iron Man suit?" Natasha argues.

"Right, no one other than me was able to construct this yet," Tony retorts, but then bites his lip... he just got the head out of the sling – and now he gives the other side ground to argue again? That is not exactly smart.

"Well, that in the video is you," Coulson grimaces, "just not... _you."_

"We just got the news that you struck again, but that is hardly possible, because you stand here with us," Fury confirms. They show the video footage onscreen.

"Yeah, no shit, huh? What the hell is that guy doing in my suit?! And has the cheek to paint it in that awful black and silver?!" Tony pouts.

"Who he is might be the more appropriate question," Loki tilts her head, her eyes fixed on the screen.

"Who _they_ are is the more appropriate question," Coulson argues and points at the screen, where suddenly... all Avengers are causing havoc.

"... Are those really our evil twins?" Clint grimaces. That is too outrageous to be true, really. And just so much of a cliché...

"Well, not twins as in _twins,_ but it seems like somehow Dr. Demonicus, or so we figure, got his hands on samples containing your DNA," Coulson goes on to explain. "And then... cloned you."

"Oh my God! That's nuts!" Steve cries out. He can deal with villains from outer space, but evil clones?! That is just over the top.

"Well, it goes above the stage of being your clones. They have your abilities, and your weapons, hence the suit, for instance. They have the same powers, if not greater ones. Because we fear that the Doctor actually changed the DNA code to enhance their abilities. And now they are causing havoc," Fury goes on to explain to them.

"How do we stop them, then?" Clint asks.

"That is the question," Coulson sighs heavily. Bruce glances over at Loki, who nods and then looks at Tony, whose smirk grows with every second passing.

"What is it, Tony? Is the joke trying to come out?" Natasha huffs.

"No, it might be that we just have the solution to this problem," Tony grins.

"Huh?" she frowns at him.

"It seems at least worth the shot to launch the BETA phase of our project. It might be that they don't know about this yet," Bruce goes on.

"Those weapon amplifiers are finished by now?" Steve blinks.

"Well, the plan was to test them in smaller battle before actually 'using' them... but from the looks of it... that's the best chance we have," Loki argues. "But do we get the okay from the SHIELD?"

"You are authorized to use whatever weapons necessary to stop those bizarro versions of yourself," Fury tells her.

"Okay, guys, then let's head out," Steve says. The team gets ready and takes off. Soon they reach the battlegrounds.

"Now, we are already there!" Tony says over the comm.

"Okay, we'll take on our own clone each and see where that goes. Good luck, everyone," Steve orders, the others nod and spread out to battle... themselves. Really, this is just too odd... and incredibly hard. The Avengers are suddenly confronted with someone who is not just equal, but actually _stronger,_ as it turns out. They know when to dodge because they know the attacks themselves, which makes it only the harder.

"You stand no chance," the evil Captain smirks, viciously kicking Steve in the side and subsequently into the ground.

"Guys?! When do we start Plan B?!" he grunts.

"Let's get this party started!" Tony cries out. "You're so dead, fella."

The Avengers activate their amplifiers.

"Keep in mind, they were not tested and calibrated yet. So they might be a bit too intense," Loki warns them over the comms.

"But intense is what we need!" Tony snickers, smashing head-on into his replica, literally driving the doppelganger into the ground like a spear in athletics.

"Oh... _wow_ ," Natasha brings out at the sight of the replica five-feet in the ground, but she doesn't get much time to play the amazed spectator, since her own clone tackles her to the ground. Natasha kicks her off with all her might, using the momentum to push back. In the motion, she takes out her guns and fires, yet the explosion is so great that it still knocks her off her feet.

"Natasha, are you okay?" Clint asks.

"Yeah. I'm just... blown away," Natasha shakes her head, but then quickly recovers to go on attack her clone, who could prevent further damage by jumping out of harm's way. Clint is already busy sending out arrows in succession to mix things up.

"We might have a problem here," Thor's voice rings over the comms.

"What's the matter, Big Guy?" Tony asks.

"Mine is not working and I...," Thor grunts as his replica smashes into him to knock him to the ground.

"Did you activate it the way I showed you?" Loki asks with a grunt, ramming her heel into her replica's stomach, hard.

"Yes!" Thor retorts.

"Then you did it wrong," she argues.

"I did not!" he cries out.

"Loki, can you take over?" Tony asks. "I'm kinda hooked up here... oh, you did _not_!"

Loki glances at the sky where she can see Tony being thrown to the ground. It might be that they have greater strength on their side now, but the replicas still have enhanced skills and speed thanks to their genetic changes. Loki grunts before she rams her dagger into the clone's chest.

"Pathetic decal," she grits her teeth before she tears away from her doppelganger and jumps on one of her energy disks to make the way over to Thor, whose clone is seemingly much stronger than hers.

Not that Loki would ever admit that, of course. People would only get the wrong picture.

As Thor's clone is jumping high in the air to deliver the next blow, the trickster quickly throws her arms up in the air, creating a thick layer of smoke to engulf the evil clone, which makes him miss his target. Loki quickly makes her way to Thor, who is with one knee on the ground, catching his breath.

"I have to say... I put up a good fight," he puffs sarcastically.

"Especially since you fail to put on your clothes," Loki grunts. "Show it to me."

Thor holds Mjölnir out to her. She turns the amplifier the way one ought to, but nothing happens. She repeats the process, but the enhancer won't work. The God of Mischief grits her teeth as she takes out a device Tony designed for her. It's attached on the ear and a metal string leads to the eye where it produces pictures and graphs in front of her eye. It's essentially an adapted version of what Tony has in the suit. And at this moment, Loki is actually glad for Tony's idea, once again, not that she'd ever say so. She checks the energy levels to detect the mistake.

"What is the problem?" Thor asks nervously. The dust is engulfing them and he can't make out his clone, which leaves them vulnerable.

"This _should_ work," Loki grits her teeth angrily. "There is nothing wrong with it."

However, that is when Thor's replica emerges out of the dust and wants to strike Loki, who is having her back to him, but Thor already dashes ahead and jumps into the doppelganger's path, wrestling with his clone in the air, before both solidly clash into the ground. Loki glances to the side with an air of nonchalance.

"That was really not necessary," she huffs. Thor manages to connect a punch to the clone's face, blowing him a few feet away. Thor hurries back to Loki.

"If you can't fix it, take the amplifier off. I'll fight without," Thor says, already making an attempt to command the hammer to him, but Loki holds out her hand, "Just one second!"

"We have no sec...," Thor wants to say, but that is when the raven woman jumps in the air and kicks the panel with her heel – and as if it were a magical spell, the amplifier flashes blue and is ready to use.

"What?!" the God of Thunder cries out in exasperation.

"Did you just _jump_ on it?!" Tony cries out over the comm, but the trickster ignores him and turns to Thor with a shrug, "It's _your_ weapon, so it has to operate like you, seemingly. And that means... brute force."

Thor holds out his hand and Mjölnir returns to him. Once his palm comes in contact with the hammer, he can feel the surge of pure energy within him, a strong one, a _much_ stronger once. A smile creeps to his face as he swings Mjölnir and clashes into his doppelganger, knocking the man thrice as far away, and thrice as deep into the ground. The God of Thunder already hurries after him to finish the job.

Loki grimaces, "You're welcome."

Yet, she doesn't get a chance to pout, since the trickster is knocked to the ground by a sphere of light.

"Just when will you finally die?" Loki bares her teeth as she turns around to her replica. The doppelganger stands behind her with black blood streaming down her midsection and face, making her look like one of the monsters you see in those cheap monster movies late at night. The black goo bubbles out of her mouth, making the clone's smile even more devilish than it is anyways.

"Ah, don't say anything. I know we both just won't die," Loki snorts.

No, so many battles and attempted suicides later... the God of Mischief actually starts to doubt that there is any way she can die. It just doesn't seem to work. Loki takes out her daggers and engages in the next round of battle.

"Okay, guys, as amazing as the weapons work, we are not gaining the upper hand in the game. Any suggestions?" Steve asks as he throws his shield at his clone.

"Switch partners?" Clint suggests as he already fires at Steve's clone. Steve takes up on the cue instantly and takes on Clint's replica.

"Good idea," the Captain nods.

"The question is who'll take on the Bizarro Hulk?" Tony grimaces. "Not me!"

"If mine stood up another time, it'd be a miracle," the trickster declares. "She is dispersing into thin air... or goo... as we speak. I just need someone to partner with me."

The God of Mischief looks down at the replica of hers, who is turning into a bubbling puddle of blackness, finally. It took that beast long enough to die, though Loki can't deny that this is something the evil doctor who created them did a fine job at. He really captured _that_ part of her very well.

"I can help," Thor says, standing over the version of himself now covered in the vicious black liquid as it dissolves into unrecognizable shapes also. Loki rolls her eyes, but is too busy with analyzing the battle to argue, so she simply goes with it. They worked through disagreements before, so this is surely no different. If it's needed, the two Norse Gods have no trouble working as a team.

The two meet halfway and then approach the two fighting Hulks.

"Bruce? Did you hear what we said?" Loki asks, stopping Thor from coming closer. They don't know how well the enhancer works on Bruce to keep the Hulk at bay, mentally-wise.

"Hulk heard you," he grunts as he smashes his clone into the ground.

"Then go after Stark's clone. We'll take it from here," Loki says. For a moment she fears that Bruce will return to the mindless Hulk-state and just punch them both into the ground, but then he nods his head and runs over to where the evil Iron Man is and tackles the clone to the ground.

"Do you have a plan?" Thor asks as the evil Hulk scrambles back to his feet, swinging Mjölnir in advance.

"I'd say... the old game?" she grimaces.

"Are you sure?" he frowns at her.

"No, I'm just making fun of you. _Of course_ I am. Just make sure you don't let him crush me," she bites her lower lip, working on a strategy as the evil Hulk starts to focus his attention on them.

"If you mess this up, you will suffer my rage," Loki tells the thunderer before she steps closer to the greyish Hulk, "Hey, you!"

With that she throws one of her daggers at the wild thing. The evil Hulk bares his teeth at her and then starts towards her. The trickster jumps on one of her disks to get away from him, but the monster just grabs the disk and almost makes her fall off, if not for her fast reflexes. Loki quickly produces disks in succession to jump on. Once she is past them, she sends them flying at the Hulk who is eagerly smashing them.

"Well, at least he seems to lack Bruce's intellect," she grunts as she looks at the Hulk doppelganger who destroys the disks of energy like a dog bites into the water of a sprinkler. However, that is when the evil Hulk gets her by the ankle and pulls her down.

"I hate this," she grunts, fully aware of what comes next as she is smashed into the ground. The replica grins at her and wants to strike again, but that is when Thor smashes Mjölnir into the Hulk's side. He used the moment of distraction to clear line of fire, or hammer respectively. A flash of blue light erupts from the hammer and lightning joins the game. Once the thunder stops rolling, the greyish Hulk is now pitchblack from smoke and dissolves into black goo, just as did the other replicas before.

"Guys? Status?" Steve bellows over the comms. He just saw this grand explosion and is worried that the two got caught in the crossfire. The Captain himself is standing in his gooey clone, too.

Thor hurries over to where Loki was thrown to the ground, "Loki?"

"No, it's Baldr," he hears her grunt. The thunderer glances at the ground where Loki still lies, arms crossed over her chest, looking... _pissed_ , as Tony would say, "Who else would it be?"

"Are you alright?" he asks as he holds out his hand to her. The trickster takes it reluctantly and allows him to get her up with just one pull.

"I'm fine," the God of Mischief snorts.

"We're good," Thor says another time over the comms.

"Alright, so we got them all?" Clint asks.

"Yes," all confirm, glancing at the black goo beneath their feet. Natasha is standing next to Tony, who is busy poking the now empty (false) Iron Man suit with a stick he found somewhere.

"Would you stop poking it?!" she shakes her head.

"I just want to find a way that all the goo goes away... and then keep it," Tony shrugs.

"Why would you want to keep that?" Natasha grimaces.

"Next Halloween costume as Evil Iron Man," Tony grins. The woman just rolls her eyes at him. That guy is just... beyond reclaim.

"Though I have to say you took your time, God of Thunder," Loki tells Thor as she uses her magic to remove the dirt and debris from her clothes.

"What? I waited for the moment he was distracted," Thor argues.

"... And he was distracted _before_ he smashed me into the ground," she retorts.

"You said the old game," Thor returns.

"Ah, of course, _now_ you listen to my orders," Loki rolls her eyes.

"I didn't expect him to catch you," he admits. "Otherwise I would have struck earlier, believe me that."

It actually took him about everything not to just jump that monster threatening Loki's life, but... the tactic was another, and he stuck to it. He knows better than to bring personal issues to the battle. That can backfire on everyone – and even cost someone's life.

"That just felt like the good ol' times... though they never were too good for me, thinking about it," she actually chuckles this time, meaning it.

"I'm sorry," Thor says with utmost credibility flooding his booming voice. Loki looks at him for a second, but then nods with the smallest of smiles, "Yes, I know. It's alright."

"I suppose... we won," Steve grimaces. "Will SHIELD clean this mess up?"

"They are already on their way to take all... goo... for analysis," Clint confirms.

"And they will also take the suit," Natasha smirks at Tony almost viciously.

"Seriously? But I'll get it back, right?" he pouts.

"... It isn't yours," Natasha makes a face.

"I am Iron Man. That's a trademark, alright?" Tony huffs. "Anyway. I think this calls for... celebration, as in _huge_ celebration. No Shawarma this time... but drinks. I definitely need something to drink."

All are still staring at "their" bodies, but then simply nod. After such an experience, drinks are really a tempting offer. And so a plan is made.

* * *

Just as fast as this mission came about, the Avengers are now in one of Tony's favorite bar. It has a lounge character with dark wooden interior, red velvet, dimmed yellow light, and the faint smell of cedar lying in the air like a fog. You can say about him what you want, but he knows where to find good bars.

"Alright, I'd say that we toast to ourselves because we were simply amazing today," Tony says, indicating for the rest to join him. Each of them takes one of the shots the cute ginger bartender is handing out to them and holds it up.

"Alright, so who toasts?" Steve asks.

"Hm, I'd say cheers to Loki's badass idea for our new weapons, because that is what saved us... from ourselves today, plus... Bruce and I... for being amazing," Tony smirks. "And that we shall never forget the effectiveness of good old brute force. I toast to kicking ass!"

"Cheers," the others agree and drain their shots.

After that all settle down to chat and drink, enjoying their night off.

Loki settles in one of the corner seating units in the back of the bar, nursing her glass of Scotch absently.

"Is this seat taken?" Thor's voice rings from next to her. Loki blinks at the tall man.

"I don't know how it is about you, but I don't come to know invisible creatures whom I'd share a drink with," Loki huffs playfully.

"Master Stark said that's the usual way of asking politely to sit with someone," Thor smirks at her.

"Ah, of course... now I almost forgot, in Asgard you just flop down in a random seat and claim your stake on the piece of furniture you are occupying," she grins. "Well, then have a seat."

"Thank you," Thor smirks as he sits, putting his carafe of beer on the table.

"I see you got yourself a _little_ drink," she nods at the carafe, which makes Thor smirk, "It's not like mead, but at least close to."

"You miss that, huh?" the trickster huffs.

"Actually," Thor chuckles. Loki leans over the table and touches the carafe, changing the content into mead.

"Ah, I almost forgot that, conveniently, you have the magic on your side," Thor smiles, taking a swig – and really, he missed that taste. That is a piece of Valhalla. "Thanks."

"It's nothing. Stark always makes me change water into red wine for some reason... I think it's a Bible reference, but I didn't start with the New Testament yet... so I might find out once I get to it," she shrugs.

"Well, the taste is just as in Asgard," Thor smirks.

"I never understood your fancy for this particular drink, though," she shakes her head.

"You can drink... a lot," Thor shrugs, leaning back against the leather of the seats.

"Ah, I see, that makes sense of course," she puckers her lips. "I actually took a liking to human beverages. They offer at least a variety. In Asgard you just have the choice between mead... and more mead."

"Well, for someone of a simple taste like me... that makes the choice far easier," he chuckles softly.

"Right... So, if you don't mind my asking: Why aren't you partying after a battle won? Back in Asgard, a success on the battlefield inevitably led to an orgy," she asks him with a soft smirk tugging at her lips.

It always annoyed Loki out of his mind, at least when the trickster was not the "cursed child" yet, well, at least none of them knew. They would come back from battle, exhausted, injured, sometimes still bleeding, and Thor, the ever-so cheerful oaf had no better to do than throw a feast to make the palace's walls shake. And to the day, Loki was convinced that it was part of Thor's very being to boast and feast after a battle won, so it really irritates her to see him in this calm manner all of a sudden.

"Indeed, but... I had a change of mind," he shrugs.

"How so?" Loki asks curiously.

"For a long time I just didn't see what I should celebrate," Thor replies, taking a sip of his drink.

To tell the truth, Thor didn't really feast since everything went down with Loki, after he thought the trickster had fallen into the abyss and died, and then again after the God of Mischief caused havoc on Midgard. Even if he didn't want to believe it himself for a long while, Thor actually gave those feasts not merely to celebrate himself and his accomplishments, but for those fleeting moments when he and his brother, by the time, would sit together and share a drink. That was when the world stopped turning, if only for a few minutes, where all music died, and he had the one person close to him who grew to be the very center of his life. And ever since that relationship was ruptured, Thor didn't feel the urge or need to celebrate anymore. After all, the feast would not end with a shared drink, so there was no point.

"Well, I'm sorry to tell you, but even in the days where you saw a reason in it, it wasn't really one," she huffs playfully. Even the smallest battle, the most meaningless brawl – and Thor made a celebration of it that you would expect at a royal ceremony that would change the realm forever.

"I had my reasons, if only just a few," Thor insists, though he can't help but smirk. Really, he was acting more like a child than a man these days. Thor still remembers one particular feast he gave – and that even though none of the others could take part in it, because they were injured in the course of the battle. Thinking about it, he was really... awful, to say the least, at that time. Ignorant. And that is something Thor now regrets, a lot. After all, he always had and will have the highest opinion of his companions, and he would have willingly sacrificed himself for all of them, yet... at that moment, he chose a feast, a celebration of himself, over his friends, over what he held so high otherwise. At some point Thor can't even say how he ever got the idea. It all seems so ridiculous now.

"Well, you know me. I never was the person for such activities," she shrugs at him.

"Well, not really," Thor grimaces.

A point quite striking about Loki, one among so, so many, always was this conflict. On the one hand, Loki always took a liking to the more general aspects of a feast, the dance, the walk-in, even the food. On the other hand, he always hated it to tell grand stories and report about the battle won, and never wished to take part in the chatting. The only person he really spoke to, and didn't just reward with a snotty comment, was Thor. When they went through their ritual of sharing a drink, they always talked, about something, _anything._ Sometimes Loki would tease the God of Thunder about his latest object of love's desire, even if in retrospective, it leaves a bitter taste to all of it, keeping in mind each other's feeling for another all along. Other times Thor would try to talk his brother into joining him and the others, something Loki mostly declined from the beginning. On a few occasions they'd make fun of some of the guests or particularly annoying relatives, so Baldr, for instance, because there is just so many to pick from that you never run out of ideas. Rarely they talked about the more philosophical questions, of life, death, of meaning. Even though Thor always considered Loki's arguments more sophisticated, he was always interested in what the trickster brought up. It never ceased to amaze him. Yet, most of the time... it was the things they didn't say that were said between them. The simple gestures of being close, hunched over just lightly, stealing away from the public feast into a private sphere of shared drink and thought.

"But you can't deny that you enjoyed yourself at _some_ point," Thor argues with a smirk, but Loki shakes her head incredulously, "Oh _please_. If you refer to this one time you dragged the Warrior Three, the Lady Sif and I to this shebeen in Vanaheimr, I regard that as one of the darkest hours of my life."

"What? You danced, you laughed," Thor argues with a chuckle.

"It was a stupid drinking battle, and one I actually lost, after all. I made a fool of myself as much as you do on these occasions all the while," she rolls her eyes.

It was when they were still younger – and Loki actually gave a lot more on the competition with Thor. The trickster just wanted to surpass the Golden Prince, which led to very ridiculous and shameful situations in which Loki made a perfect fool of himself by engaging in those brawls in the first place, and then actually lose to that dull oaf.

In Vanaheimr, it was no different. They had been arguing before, but Thor, the always so happy-and-thus-clingy drunkard would try to cuddle with him, which resulted in both of them falling off the bench to the ground. That is when Loki was fed up with it and started to accuse his brother, much to Thor's lack of understanding. He then declared that he'd now spend his time to drink himself till oblivion to maybe reach Thor's current level of mind. Thor took the challenge, of course, and so they drank till neither one could tell his name anymore.

It was on this occasion that Thor saw Loki "on the loose", fooling around, laughing loudly, allowing the defenses to fall. Yet, that state was soon overshadowed by the aftereffects of the mead consumption. In the end, and only the Gods know how, Loki collapsed first and rolled from the bench onto the floor to take his nap while Thor sunk into mead-induced sleep with the head lolling on the bar. Thor can't remember having seen Loki ever so embarrassed as the trickster was the next morning when he woke up.

"But the place was nice," Thor chuckles.

"Och, please, you could smell the sweat of over two thousand years seared into the wood this place was made of," Loki argues, scrunching her nose. "It was absolutely hideous."

"Well, at least you broke out of your shell that night," Thor shrugs.

"I rather would have broken out of my shell in a less... reeking place," Loki makes a face. "I don't party that way because it does not befit my character... and I would rather save myself the dignity of not becoming like this..."

She nods at Tony, who really spent his time getting drunk. Pepper, who joined them for the celebration, is trying to make him sit, but not with Tony. His drunken and sluggish attempts of making her dance with him fail – and so do his legs, almost. Thor can't help but chuckle.

"Reviving old memories about yourself, isn't it?" she huffs.

"Indeed," Thor chuckles.

"Well, I don't know... I do not fully understand the enthusiasm about this particular battle won," Loki grimaces, looking at their friends who are drinking and enjoying themselves.

"What? The amplifiers you designed worked – and we won over the enemy," Thor frowns.

"Oh, and I am personally very enthusiastic about the amplifiers," Loki agrees. "It's the second part that is upsetting me in some way. I mean... we basically just defeated ourselves. We met creatures that were actually better than us, in terms of strength, durability, and speed. Taking the characters aside... we killed what was actually better than us in some way."

"I see your point, but I see it in a different light," Thor argues. Loki blinks at him, "Now that will be interesting."

"Well, you said it yourself. Except for the amplifiers, they were actually stronger than us," Thor smirks.

"Yes," she agrees.

"Well, the way I see it, we didn't defeat 'ourselves', we... _surpassed_ ourselves, because we actually managed to defeat a stronger version of ourselves. Through this battle, we became stronger than them and therefore even stronger than us before the battle," Thor shrugs, flashing his teeth at her.

Loki shakes her head lightly, a soft smile on her face, "... That is actually true... and more insightful than I had thought."

"I thank you," he winks at her. Loki eases down against the leather of the seat, playing around with the glass by letting it circle over the table, leaving circular patterns of condensed water on the dark tabletop.

"And I have to say... we worked together better than I had estimated," Loki hums, still twisting the glass on the table.

"Well... I suppose that a few thousand years of experience in fighting together so well actually help to keep it up even through... the hardships," Thor grimaces, hoping that he didn't go too far with this statement.

Generally, he always fears that he is saying the wrong things, doing the wrong things. With Loki, Thor just doesn't know – because she is so good at containing her feelings that he has no clue what to make of it. A few days back, she sought him out. They sat with the backs to each other in hours, and to him, it had felt perfectly right. Yet, it seems hardly arguable that the two still struggle to be around each other.

It's still a dance.

It's just like the dance Thor didn't share with Maya, Loki, how she stole away before he could reach out to her to hold her close. Yet, this just now is a much more futile and hurting endeavor. Because Maya's stealing away was a game, a game she must have enjoyed at some point, but Loki will hardly enjoy any of this. Even through the indifferent and calm face Loki is able to keep in perfection even in the gravest situations, Thor can see those fine lines of sadness that pull it down, invisible scars that still sear so intensely that the trickster has seemingly nothing left but to smile, to joke, to stay aloof. And it fills Thor's heart with dread that he was not only one of those who inflicted the wounds, but also the one who drives Loki to the point that her smile becomes so unreal at times, like one of her illusions.

"That might be true, of course," she shrugs. "Routines and patterns are funny things. They are the underlying principle to almost anything, yet... we have to see them through the scope of an extraordinary situation to actually realize their presence."

"What?" he blinks at her.

"We had to meet our replicas for us to see that the routine of battle, of me as bait and you as hunter, still works. You just need extraordinary circumstances," Loki explains. Thor contemplates for a second before he raises his carafe of mead, "To the good teamwork?"

Loki licks her lips, thinking about it for a few seconds, but then raises her glass also and clicks it with his together, "To good teamwork."

The two take a big gulp of their drink, leaning back in their seats. Loki can't help but feel a bit proud of themselves – for actually managing this one thing: getting used to each other. Nothing is perfect, but they are a little less ridiculous in what they do. Of course they are still fools, but at least they can look each other in the eye again.

They are here.

They surpassed themselves.

So maybe, and just maybe... there is a way for them to exist between the lines of dread, failed love, and memory.

They grow.


	26. Blood in the Sand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new enemy strikes, an enemy that might be too strong for the Avengers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so with this chapter, I hope to move things up a gear and finally get to the gist of it... Thorki, obviously. Again, as a fair warning – describing battle scenes in detail is not my thing (and not really my particular field of interest either). They are there, and for the Avengers they are indispensable – they are a bunch of superheroes fighting for earth's good after all. Let's be honest. Hence, I try to keep it short and sweet (kinda). Focus is the people *that almost sounded poetic*.
> 
> As another warning, the villain I take is from Marvel universe, but I put him in a different plot, so Thor didn't meet him. And the description may be a bit inadequate. So this is, once again, AU (in AU). And I don't own him, obviously. I just thought he might be a... good villain to make it a challenge.
> 
> Anyway, hope you'll like it. If not... big sorry.

_What is desperation? First of all, it's torture. Desperation is that shameful, awful, terrifying, demolishing state of mind in which the lines between madness and real threat move so close together that they blur into shapes of pure terror. That feeling of your heart being ripped out of your ribcage with sharp fingernails and the strength of an ox, or a hundred. A sensation so strong that it tears you down from the very sky to the planet's core and back again. Desperation is being stripped of all securities, barriers, shields to hold you, protect you. Desperation is nakedness. You are left naked in a room that allows you merely to crouch. You cannot stand up. You cannot see, for it is pitch-black. You don't hear anything. You taste copper on your tongue. And your voice dies into such a faint whisper that you cannot even tell yourself what you scream out of your lungs so that they burn as though they were put in acid and are then melted. Desperation is the feeling of not just losing everything, but feeling this dreadful truth creeping up your spine that you already lost the fight long before you started it and that you are simply unable. No matter how much you fight, no matter how loud you scream, no one hears you, no one cares, nothing changes. Once desperation claimed you, you are perfectly alone. You are in that tiny cubicle, this dark box, locked in. The walls move close with every breath you take, which forces you to hold your breath to have a bit more time, if only just a second to cling on to the last bit of hope, the last straw, so tight that you draw blood running down your wrists, pooling underneath you in puddles of misery and your own shame. And **pure** desperation is the state that makes you move beyond yourself, jump ahead of yourself, crawl out of your own skin, skin yourself alive, with bare hands. If you are purely desperate, you do anything – and more. If you are purely desperate, life no longer matters to you. Nothing matters, just this desperation. And that it, please, **please** stops, somehow, anyhow. **Just please**. Yet... the circumstance remains that most of the time... no matter how desperately you try, you end up failing._

* * *

The Avengers have assembled in the HQ to discuss the next threat to humankind.

"So? What's on today's menu?" Tony asks, blinking at the screens.

"This alien," Coulson says, nodding at the screen in front of him. "It already destroyed half the city."

"How many losses?" Steve grimaces.

"We don't know yet. We just know that we have to move fast," Coulson sighs sadly.

"What do we know about it?" Clint asks.

"Just that it's strong, destructive, and doesn't stop short before... anything. We already sent combat aircrafts to get this straight, but nothing worked yet," Coulson grimaces.

"Plus, he came with an army," Fury says, pointing at the screen, where dozens and hundreds of footmen roam the streets and destroy everything coming their way.

"As Asgardians, did you ever encounter this monster?" Bruce turns to Loki and Thor.

"I know no such creature," Thor shakes his head.

"This is bad," Loki says, her eyes wide.

"So you know who that is?" Bruce asks, though he already knows the answer. If Loki tenses up like that, be sure she does so for a reason.

"This is Gorr," Loki says, her voice shaking lightly. "The God Butcher."

"That sounds morbid," Tony grimaces. Thor blinks at Loki, "How do you know him?"

"I crossed lines with him before," she admits.

"When?" Thor demands.

"On one of my voyages across the realms," she says, her emerald eyes glistering at the thunderer.

"You never told me about that," he argues. She certainly didn't.

"During that time we didn't talk at all. And since I have to admit that I lost this battle... I rather tried to forget about it. That was none of my brightest moments," she puckers her lips. No, Loki almost died in that battle. It was only thanks to a trick, _of course_ , that he maneuvered himself out of it and made his way to another realm by jumping into a portal Gorr didn't know about. Yet, this day was tainted by loss and shame, and the faint bitter-sweet scent of death looming above his head.

"So what can you tell us about this guy?" Fury asks.

"He is out for vengeance, is extremely dangerous, absolutely ruthless, bears strength out of epic proportions... and he has the power and will to kill all Gods," she explains, hugging her arms. Even though she would love to deny it, it still sends shivers up her spine to think of that creature – and what he almost managed to do to the trickster, with so little effort.

"Well... that _sucks,"_ Tony grimaces. Normally, Loki and Thor (plus Hulk) are always the last resort. Those guys are Gods, so almost nothing can really beat them. Yet... to hear that there is someone who made it his daily business to kill Gods... that means it's really not looking good.

"To say the least. I barely survived this encounter, and the fight lasted no longer than a few minutes," she admits, biting her lower lip. Thor grumbles some incoherent curses to himself, probably more than angry that Loki almost got himself killed back then – and didn't bother to tell him. Though Loki ignores that... it shouldn't come to him as a surprise, given the circumstances and, _well,_ her character.

"Do you know of any weaknesses?" Steve asks.

"Not really. As I said, the encounter was short – and I almost lost my life in this ambush. I didn't even stand a chance. All I know is that he can create those minions out of nothing, out of his dark energy, and each of them is very strong and follows his will. He is not only brutal and powerful, but also intelligent. And that is one of the greatest problems," Loki goes on. "... _and_ that his strength grows with the absorption of... Gods' blood."

"What?" Natasha blinks at her.

"Blood is the essence's catalyst," Loki explains, but that doesn't really explain it.

"With essence she means soul," Thor scaffolds.

"Right. The soul, the unchangeable core, the I, the breath. Whatever you may call it. Yet, it remains, through the blood runs life energy, the soul's product. And Gorr learned how to make use of that. Once a godly enemy starts to bleed, it will only make him stronger," Loki puckers her lips, shuddering at the memory. The God Butcher also tried to get the trickster's energy from his blood. It almost killed him when the life force was practically sucked out of his body, pulled out with such force that Loki was perfectly convinced that he would die on these battlegrounds.

"So... alien vampire out of proportions," Tony sums up with growing discomfort.

"I suppose," Loki shrugs. "The only thing I see is that we have to make sure that he doesn't get too much energy from us."

"So... we mustn't bleed," Thor grimaces. That will be hard to accomplish in the course of battle, especially against such a strong enemy such as Gorr seemingly is.

"Yes. Though it will remain that we, along with Bruce, will have to fight him. We are the only ones who have godly powers that might match his... if we work together," Loki explains.

"So we cut the team into two squads, we humans, safe for Bruce, take on the footmen, while you three take on the boss," Steve suggests.

"That is the only way I see that we may gain the upper hand. I hope that the amplifiers will help us at least a bit in the course of the battle, but... I can't tell for sure," Loki grimaces, before she turns to Thor and Bruce, "As for us three, since I'm, sadly, not the one bearing most physical strength, I'd suggest that I act rather as the tactician. You move as I coordinate our attacks, I'd say."

"Sounds like a plan to me," Bruce nods.

"Yes," Thor agrees.

"Alright, guys, let's get ready! We're leaving!" Steve tells them, clapping his hands together. The others nod in agreement and head out. Soon, they find themselves on the battleground, which used to be a town before. Everything lays in ruins. Fire, smoke, ashes, debris, wrecks, and the faint smell of burned flesh roams through the empty streets.

"This looks even worse than New York under the Chitauri... and New York under the Chitauri was already apocalyptic," Tony grimaces, looking around.

"That's just sick," Natasha shakes her head with disgust.

"Alright, we should spread out. We have to cover a big area... so... Clint and Tony, you head west, Natasha and I head east, and you three... go ahead, try to find the boss," Steve suggests.

"Alright, Legolas, let's give some footmen hell," Tony says. Clint rolls his eyes as they spread out. Natasha and Steve nod at each other wordlessly before heading out themselves. Bruce, Thor and Loki walk ahead, eyes searching, hearts pounding, fists clenching.

"So keep in mind, we have to make sure that we bleed as little as possible. That means we have to draw back if needed. I know that this is nothing you like for a fighting style, but it will backfire on us greatly," Loki tells Thor.

"So we have to retreat," Thor grimaces.

"If needed, yes," Loki agrees, but then turns to Bruce with a grimace. "And that means that there's even more pressure on you, Bruce."

"Yes. Hulk no God," he grunts.

"So don't stay close to him for more than a few seconds. One attack, then retreat. He can create weapons out of his body – and he will use them," she speaks to Bruce, who nods. Loki wants to say something, but that is when suddenly black lightning erupts from the sky above. It is only thanks to her fast reflexes that she managed to create a protective shield around them.

"As it seems... the boss found us," Loki grimaces as the black light dies away. And that is when Gorr lands in front of them. A creature with grey skin and a black ragged cloth. He smiles at them wickedly.

"Gods," he snarls. However, he then tilts his head as his eyes fall on Loki. "I know you from somewhere."

"We fenced before," Loki nods, her features grim.

"... Loki...," he grins mischievously.

"You still remember me, then," she huffs. "I already feared I didn't leave a lasting impression."

"How comes you are a woman now?" he asks.

"I'm a God, what can I say?" she retorts smugly.

"And for that you'll pay," he grits his teeth – and that is when Gorr changes his right arm into a black sword and starts to attack. The three jump back to avoid him.

"Bruce! You go first, try to get a hold of him, but avoid the sword, it's dark energy," Loki tells the Hulk over the comm. Bruce nods and then lunges at Gorr, but the villain simply escapes from his grip before he can hold on to him.

"Thor, stay where you are. I will try to cover the area above so Bruce can grab him. Once he does, you have to strike with all your might," Loki says as she jumps on one of her disks.

"Alright," Thor nods, his eyes already scanning for the right moment to come.

"I will soon taste your blood again, God of Mischief," Gorr laughs as he fires dark energy her way. "And that will be your end."

One of the spheres hits Loki and she is thrown into a building. Gorr laughs out loud when suddenly she is above him, flashing a brief smirk before she tries to ram one of her daggers into his scalp. Gorr grasps her hand and twists it back, "Nice trick, God, but that's over now."

Yet, she winks with her other hand as she disperses into thin air, too. In that same moment, a flash of green energy hits him in the back, though it doesn't have the greatest effect, it serves at least as enough distraction to make him turn around to see Loki winking at him mockingly, "Not yet."

Gorr grunts and wants to attack her, but that is when the Hulk jumps him from behind, "Pitiful butcher!"

Bruce tackles him to the ground, but then jumps back off, just as Loki instructed him to. Gorr wants to get back up and strike again, but that is when Thor brings down his hammer on him. Gorr is further pushed into the ground, but quickly recovers and tries to catch Thor with a flash of black energy, but Loki creates a protective shield in front of the thunderer to prevent further harm.

"You will pay for this!" Gorr cries out, creating more footmen he sends after Loki, which forces her to give up on the protective shield for Thor. Gorr uses the opportunity to charge him while Loki is bound to deal with the footmen, who manage to tear her to the ground. Thor has his good trouble keeping Gorr away from him, but thanks to Bruce, he is at least having a fair chance to dodge and actually attack.

"I killed many your like," Gorr tells Thor as his sword collides with Mjölnir.

"And I killed many of yours," Thor grits his teeth, pushing him back.

"How would you tell, God of Thunder, hm? You never saw me before," he snarls. "I'm the unknown threat to you Gods. The unspoken terror. The inescapable doom."

"I may not know you, but I killed enough madmen to know that one is standing in front of me now," Thor grunts as he swings Mjölnir again. Gorr growls at him as he strikes again, but this time Bruce smashes into his side. Thor uses the momentum to deliver another swing of the hammer right at Gorr's chest. Loki shifted one a dagger of hers into a spear to kill one of the footmen, while simultaneously she is talking over the comm, "Do you have our coordinates, Captain?"

"Yeah, we're trying to keep them from getting there," Steve confirms, smashing one of them with his shield while Natasha is busy shooting them.

"Good, you have to keep that up," she grunts as she kicks one of the minions into the ground. "That is the only way we can reduce interferences."

"Just tell us what you need," Tony grins smugly. "We are at your service, your Highness."

Loki rolls her eyes as she sends one of her daggers through a minion's eye. The footman laughs darkly and rips the dagger out, but Loki shrugs as the dagger explodes in his hands, successfully killing him.

"Now let's get back to the real work here," she grunts, now finally free of the footmen. Lokispots Thor, Bruce, and Gorr quite easily and makes her way over to them. Just follow the path of destruction. Gorr doesn't cut her a break, though, but immediately seeks to attack her, throwing dark energy her way. She blocks the attacks by deflecting the rays of dark light only enough to pass her by. Loki knows she can't absorb the attacks if she is that close, but she can at least alter the route.

"Your trick is growing old," she snarls before she sends energy blasts his way. To her surprise, Gorr actually manages to deflect her attacks by changing his sword into a kind of mirror – and send them back at her. The trickster has no chance to block the attack and is thrown to the ground, leaving her breathless and on the verge of consciousness.

"Loki!" Thor cries out before he charges Gorr again with Mjölnir. Loki tries to straighten up, feeling utterly disappointed that she didn't think of it that he may deflect the attack in that way. He did not only mirror her attack, but he actually increased the intensity. She grits her teeth as she comes back up again, but needs another moment to regain focus. She brushes a hand over the back of her head, but when she brings the palm to her eyes, there is blood on it.

"Darn," she hisses. Loki wants to heal herself before Gorr catches the scent of her blood, but as if on cue, the villain turns around with a wicked smirk on his face. Thor is about to strike him when suddenly a black sphere engulfs Gorr and sends Thor crashing into one of the buildings. Bruce also tries his luck, but it has the same effect – only that he is tossed away even further. Gorr then starts to walk up to Loki, slowly, dangerously, self-consciously, "Tsk. I told you that I'd taste your blood soon again, trickster."

Loki scrambles backwards, feeling that familiar cold-hot pull all the way up her spine. She gasps against the pain evading her body as Gorr holds out his hands triumphantly, now with new energy surging him.

"You know that you are one of the weakest Gods I ever met, right?" Gorr laughs. Loki tries to concentrate on closing the wound, but Gorr's hold on her life-force is clouding her mind.

"Then you never met... some of Thor's family, ah!" she hisses. "Some are just too dumb to be true."

"Oh, don't worry, I plan to kill all of Asgard, too," Gorr smirks viciously.

"... that's nothing I'd mind," she manages to grin at him. "Let's just say they are no longer my most-supported team."

"All Gods have to fall," Gorr declares, now looming over Loki. "And that means even the dumbest and smallest of them all."

He grabs her by the throat and lifts her off the ground, choking her. Loki struggles against his grip, gagging.

"Now, now, finally losing your voice, God of Mischief? You told too many lies. I should just crush your windpipe. And then kill you, of course. But that way we could make sure that you don't talk even after you start to decay," he snarls, but before he can carry on to taunt her, lightning strikes him and throws him through the air. Bruce, who used the time to get atop of the building he was smashed into, jumps atop Gorr and smashes him down into the ground, leaving a huge crater behind.

"Loki? Are you alright?" Thor asks hurriedly as his eyes fall on the woman, who is actually still sitting on the ground where Gorr thought he had grabbed her, though he only got a hand on one of her illusions.

"Yes," she grunts, now finally able to use her magic to heal her wound, and stopping Gorr from gaining power through that, too. Thor holds out his hand to her, and she allows him to pull her up.

"Do you have any plan?" Thor asks, his eyes focused on the crater.

"Not really," she puffs. "... Though we could try to attack simultaneously."

"What? That's what we did all the while," Thor argues.

"No, I mean... _simultaneously,"_ she grimaces. And Thor gets the idea. The two Norse Gods nod at each other curtly before they run ahead to where Gorr is punched into the ground, though it looks like the Hulk is the hammer, while Gorr is the stake that is rammed into the dust.

"Bruce," Loki says over the comm. "Move away as far as you can."

Bruce grunts, visibly disappointed, but then he lets go and retreats. At that point, Loki couldn't be gladder that the amplifier for him actually makes him act more reasonably.

"Lady's first?" Thor asks with a smug grin tugging at his lips.

"Oh, so considerate," she snickers before she sends a blast of green energy in Gorr's direction. The Butcher smirks as he creates the mirror again, but once the energy reaches him, it's too late for him to realize that Thor sent Mjölnir through the blast of energy. The hammer crashes the mirror into millions of dark shards and the green light reaches through to Gorr, knocking him further away, leaving a huge crater behind. Thor summons Mjölnir back before he sends another set of lightning raining down on Gorr.

"Bruce, you can smash some more if you want," Loki tells the Hulk with a smile, who grins broadly as he jumps ahead to keep Gorr occupied a bit longer.

"His powers are fading," Loki tells Thor. "But there's still much left... and sadly, he gained some more power through me."

"That is not your fault," Thor argues, trying to offer a bit of comfort.

"Oh, we have to move...," she sighs, nodding ahead, where the Hulk is blown away by a huge explosion of black energy, miles away, while at the same time he is covered in dozens and hundreds of footmen that attack him.

"Bruce? Do you need our help?" Loki asks over the comm.

"No, puny minions mine," comes the curt reply.

"That means it's us two for now," Loki shrugs at the thunderer.

"Two Gods against one Butcher, I think we have good chances," Thor smirks self-consciously before he swings his hammer and takes off into the air. Loki rolls her eyes as she starts to run ahead also. It feels like it used to, like it should. For the first time in a long time, Loki feels as though they finally managed to meet on common ground, even if it is the battleground. Gorr, meanwhile, partly recovered already, and is ready to fight back. He shoots a burst of dark energy Thor's way.

"You will lose this fight, Gods," Gorr laughs evilly as he transforms his sword into a whip pulsing with a black-violet flux of energy. He wields the dark weapon and brings it down in Loki's direction. She escapes by jumping on one of her energy shields. Yet, without her notice, the whip, much like a snake lying in wait for the mouse to move, comes up behind her. The whip wraps around her throat and pulls tight. Loki gags as she is pulled back, her energy shield fading away beneath her feet.

"You escaped me once, God of Mischief, but that's over now," Gorr laughs as he winds up the whip.

"Oh-oh," Loki manages to choke sarcastically before she finds herself high in the air – and then deep in the ground. Thor growls angrily before he swings Mjölnir in Gorr's direction, so that he lets go of Loki, but Gorr suddenly pulls at the whip to bring Loki up in front of him. Thor's eyes widen at the realization that the Butcher is using her as a shield. The thunderer tries to pull up, but it's too late. The two gods collide, though he manages to bring Mjölnir above Loki's head, though both still end up in a heap of limbs in yet another crater. Loki hastily grabs on to the whip to get a stretch of stretch of the black string, fearing that Gorr will go for the next round of Toss The God, but she can already feel the tug against her throat. She wants to croak something, but gladly, Thor holds on to the string, leaning against it with all his might. Loki quickly grabs her dagger and cuts the whip. Once the whip tears into two, Thor quickly lets go of the part leading to Gorr and removes the whip still biting into the trickster's throat. Once it comes off, Thor throws it away as fast as possible. Loki grasps her throat as oxygen finally floods her body again.

"Easy, easy," Thor mutters, concern washing over him.

"You... almost killed me...," she brings out.

"You were in the way," Thor retorts helplessly. She wants to say something in return , but then the trickster suddenly, Loki pulls him down by the collar and close to herself. Thor blinks for a second, but that is when he feels the draft of dark energy above him. It is only thanks to Loki's shield that the attack didn't hit them. The energy rages above them and Loki has to put everything into it to keep the shield up. She is already weakened thanks to the whip, so she has to keep Thor close to herself, or else the shield would fail her.

From the corner of his eye, Thor detects a faint dark object to his left. He blinks against the blur of green and black. Thor stretches out his arm to catch what turns out to be Gorr's whip, which is now moving on its own – and actually for Loki. She glances at him briefly, but has to concentrate on the shield. Thor means to toss the thing aside, but suddenly the whip spirals up the thunderer's arm before he can even react, all the way up to his throat. It then transforms into a huge crystal that extends all the way into the side of his throat, breaking through flesh, tearing it apart. Loki glances at Thor in terror. His terror glances back at her. Blood trickles down from his wound on her cheek before he collapses to the side in a bony heap.

That is when something breaks. Ruptures. Time freezes. Shatters. And above it all looms the evil laughter of the Butcher. The hangman. Loki lets out an inhuman growl as she sends her shield ahead to crash against Gorr, knocking him off his feet. The trickster uses the moment to roll over Thor, who is on the verge of consciousness, blood pooling beneath him. Loki's hands hover over his body, "No, no, no, no, no, no."

Even if it is not her wound, she can feel the pull of energy leaving Thor's body, just to be fed to the Butcher like ambrosia. There is just too much blood. Too much energy gone. Oh, by the Gods! No!

"Don't you dare die on me," she grits her teeth as she works to fix the wounds. "Or else you will suffer my rage for all eternities. You hear me?!"

Really, if he dares to die on her, Loki will make him suffer even more!

"He is doomed to death," Gorr snickers as he sends a sphere of energy their way, but Loki doesn't even turn. "All Gods are meant to fall."

Her protective shield pulsates so strong that the recoil reaches all the way back to Gorr, who is surprised by her sudden increase in strength. Yet, Loki doesn't even realize. She only has eyes for Thor at this very moment.

The God of Mischief does her best to stop the bleeding so Gorr may not take more of Thor's essence, but soon dread claims her. Loki can't heal the wound, it's too deep, so deep it reached all the way into his soul. Darkness claims him. Thor fades away beneath her fingertips. And here she is, Loki thinks to herself, believing that they could win, not only this battle, but their own. That they could work together, fight alongside. That they would manage, somehow, anyhow, but... it just seems to be Loki's fate that whatever the trickster sees in the future, it won't come about. And even if it does, it shatters like glass, and the glass turns to sand, and the sand is then cast into all winds, and is never found again. Loki's life is a life of loss, as it seems. Whatever she dares to hold close, hold dear, have around, it's ripped from her hands and leaves nothing but scars behind. Loki runs a bloody hand over the side of his cheek, a sole tear running down her face.

"I'm sorry," she croaks before she removes her hand from him. "That is all I can do for now. But you have to hold on. Or woe betide you."

To keep the blood from gushing out of Thor's wound, she creates a protective shield just above his skin, a magical tourniquet. Thor scrambles on the ground, gasping for air and against pain and it tears Loki apart to see him like this.

"Shh, shh. Lie still. Lie still! You mustn't move, Thor," she tells him, clasping his cheek, leaving bloody smears behind. "I know it hurts, but you have to keep still or you will fade even faster."

Just when does it stop to hurt? Just when does the pain stop?!

This was not supposed to happen. Thor mustn't die, he cannot. Or Loki will collapse with him. There is no world without him in it, at least there is not to Loki - as hurtful and pitiful as it is.

Desperation pulls at Loki, long tentacles of pure darkness suffocating her, so tight that she can feel his pain as her own, and beyond. There is nothing she can do for him now. _Nothing._ Absolutely nothing. If only that madman's laughter would finally end, she thinks to herself, as Gorr's throaty laughter evades her ears once again. It makes her skin crawl all the way up to her head. It's this creature that is threatening her everything and nothing. And that is the moment desperation has to make space for purity. Pure anger.

She brushes a shaky hand over Thor's cheek another time as she whispers, "Hold on."

Loki stands up and turns around, her eyes stern, features grim.

"Now, did I hurt your boyfriend?" Gorr huffs playfully as the woman walks closer, her eyes now shimmering in a bright flash of green, so bright that you can no longer see her irises.

"You picked the wrong God to challenge, Butcher," she snarls. Gorr stays unimpressed.

"You are no challenge to me, God of Mischief. You should see that. I already killed your superior. Your green monster is no God – and has enough to do with my Berserks. The same for the rest of your team. It's only a matter of minutes until I will crush them all, the way you Gods like to do," Gorr tells her, but still, Loki walks on, not wavered in the least.

"So? What do you think will you be able to change, God of Mischief? If you fail to even save this team of yours?" Gorr taunts her. "If even your much stronger godly fellow fails?"

"You made one huge mistake," Loki says, her voice vibrating in her chest.

"And that would be?" Gorr huffs. "That I hurt him? Aw, is the God of Mischief suddenly so attached to the other Gods? And here I thought you were lone fighter."

"Your mistake was to make me angry," she sneers. Gorr just lets out another laugh, "That doesn't scare me."

"Oh, it should, Butcher. Because once I get really angry, _absolutely_ angry, my mind is as clear a crystal," she tells him.

"And what does your crystal-clear mind tell you? To run? To weep his loss? Get killed? Kill yourself?" Gorr snorts.

"No, that I finally understood your secret," she replies.

"What secret would that be?" Gorr huffs.

"That darkness long since has you," Loki tells him.

"That is no secret," Gorr huffs. "I butcher Gods."

"Well, but there is one thing you don't know about me yet," she argues.

"And that would be?" Gorr asks, already reshaping his black sword, ready to strike.

"That my heart is darkness, too," she smiles grimly. "And that I thus command all darkness inside the both of us."

Gorr just snorts before he starts to run ahead to strike her with his sword. Loki simply walks on in a slow pace towards him. They are only inches apart when he raises the sword to bring down on her, but the blade stops only an inch before her face. Gorr stares at the trickster, since his arm won't move, neither does his body.

"What... are you... doing?" he brings out.

"I can influence people with bad thoughts when on a good day," Loki explains with unnatural calm. "But a creature with only darkness in it... a creature that brought me to a state of pure anger... I can control even on a bad day. I control your darkness. And thus you. Because it is you. You are pure darkness. And that is your weakness. That is why you'll fall."

"But... how's that... possible?" Gorr stammers. She shouldn't be that strong. He almost killed the trickster the last time he's seen him. He killed the stronger one. How can she control him? How is that possible? How can that God surpass him?

"Desperation," Loki breathes against his cold skin. She never felt this angry, never felt this desperate, never so strong that it tears her apart. And the trickster felt angry for all his life. Yet, this creature dared to destroy her everything and nothing, her sweet little chance of maybe. Now there is just nothing to hold her. The mirror broke. The shards are sand and cast into the winds. There is nothing to control her anymore. Darkness has Loki at this very moment. And darkness means to destroy the source of the problem, Gorr. Means to destroy everything around it. Destroy. Destroy. Destroy. It is a strength she never thought she could possess, let alone grasp. For this power to unleash, you have to lose everything. You have to let go of everything. You have to see nothing, except for one thing: darkness. Embrace it. Let it flood you. Destroy you. And rebuild you again. And Loki sees nothing, hears nothing. There is just Gorrand her, and only darkness between them.

"I just understood, you know? I cannot beat you. I can fire at you whatever I want... I won't win. But you can," she breathes. Gorr fights back with all his might, but Loki doesn't let him, instead, his sword suddenly goes down, moving on its own. Gorr stares at his sword, the dark extension of himself. This can't be. No, no, no! This God can't beat him. This God is no match to him.

"How does that feel, huh? This pull? This helplessness? This certainty that this is the end?" Loki snarls. "Let me tell you, that is... fear."

Gorr tries with all his might to break free from her magic, but it doesn't work. Instead, he rams the sword into his chest, again and again, before he goes on to decapitate himself in one mighty strike, leaving one part as two, the butcher as meat. Gorr's body falls to the ground, the head falls next to it. Loki glances at the body for a few seconds as her eyes return to their normal emerald shade.

She would love to violate that piece of decaying flesh a bit longer, but she is already running back over to Thor. She slides down on the ground next to him. His features are pale, sunken in, hollow. Loki touches the thunderer's chest and can detect a faint heartbeat beneath her fingertips, though it is only thanks to her magic that she can detect it. Thor is on the edge, if not already across it.

"Loki? What's going on with you guys?!" Steve asks over the comm, now standing in a heap of footmen.

"Thor is down," Loki brings out.

"What's his status?" Natasha asks.

"He won't last long," Loki grits her teeth against the tears evading her vision.

"We're moving to your location," Steve tells her in a futile attempt to reassure the trickster in some way.

"Is Banner there to help?" Clint asks.

"There's nothing he could do," Loki shakes her head. She knows. It's too late. Too deep. There is no one to help Thor with whatever potion they might have in store.

"What? Of course. We can treat him," Steve reassures her quickly, sensing her distress.

"No! You can't! You are no Gods! You cannot treat a God beyond a certain level!" she cries out. They don't understand it. At some point human medicine simply fails. And Thor is long since past that point already. And that is when realization dawns on her. Humans cannot help, but Gods maybe.

"Loki," Natasha wants to say, but Loki interrupts her with a hiss, "No word. From anyone. I will try something, but for that you mustn't interrupt me. No matter what happens."

"What are you...," Tony means to ask, but Loki snarls, "No. Word."

This is the only chance. That is the last resort. The last straw. The final game. She is a God. Loki knows that this might mean that both lose their lives, but... no but, she simply has to. Has to. There is no way she could live with this. Could live without... him. So be it that it kills them both, she has to try, bring him back, back from the very bottom of his soul.

Loki closes her eyes, her hands resting on Thor's chest, near his weakened heart.

"Odin, if you hear this: If you let your son die like this, you truly are a joke of a man," Loki mutters under her breath before she starts to mumble chants in a foreign language. She bobs from right to left as the energy surges within her. Green light flickers from her fingertips and falls down on his Thor's chest, just to pulse back to her, creating a line between them. The actions of a desperate woman, Loki reminds herself. This is pure desperation. She can't lose him. Mustn't. Cannot. Mustn't. Cannot. No. No. No. And that is why. That is why she moves as far as she does. Only for him she'd make that step. _Desperation._ Loki concentrates even more, trying to sink into the flux of energy and thus into Thor's very soul.

Darkness falls upon her. Silence. Stasis. She leaves her body behind, Thor's body, the battlefield, far, far away, far deeper into the mind, deeper into the soul. And the deeper she reaches, the more Loki has to let go, has to peel away the layers she likes to conceal, reserve. Hidden feelings are exposed like a wound to the first brush of air. The deeper she falls, the deeper she reaches, the truer she becomes. The more she leaves behind, the more exposed she is. Naked. Desperate. Exposed. Until nothing but raw soul remains.

But suddenly she can detect a spot of light, a flickering light, a candle, no more. She floats towards it as new voices flood her, voices not her own, thoughts not hers, yet, emotions for her. True. Honest. Pure. The closer she comes to that flickering light in the darkness, the louder voices become, the clearer it becomes that it is just one. His. His soul. She reaches into the light, but she can't touch it. She tries another time. Yet, nothing happens. Maybe he is too far gone after all. Maybe it's too late.

Suddenly, however, the light extends, reaches back, engulfs her, and she opens her eyes to see a grey sky above her, along with skyscrapers in ruins. Loki glances down at Thor, in the hope to detect only the slightest sign of movement. Life. Yet, she finds nothing but pale skin and dried blood in the sand. It didn't work. Loki failed, _again._ All she can do is fail. She is a failure. Cursed child. Left to die. And now she tore Thor down along with her. Tears now freely run down her cheeks, washing away some of the dust to reveal pale skin again. Her head starts to swim. Dizziness overtakes her. If she were to die now, Loki wouldn't mind. Everything is in ruins, so what does she care? It's over anyways.

But that is when Thor gasps, his chest heaving, eyes far open, life returning to him as fast as it vanished. Their eyes meet, but they fail to utter words, fail to comprehend. The world stands still only turns again once she hears Bruce over the comm, shouting her name.

"He's alive...," Loki breathes, eyes still on Thor's.

"What?!" all Avengers cry out simultaneously.

"He's... alive... he needs... immediate treatment... two Avengers down in... 3, 2, 1...," Loki hums weakly as her head falls back and she collapses.

"Loki? Loki?" Thor brings out, fear tugging at him as he sees Loki collapse on her back. He tries to get to her, grab her hand, but once he is only inches from her fingertips, he collapses also.

Darkness claims them.


	27. Mending Two Souls Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki and Thor talk feelings.

Loki wakes up to a steady beeping sound in the background. She furrows her eyebrows as she blinks against the harsh light above her. White light? Now wait... there was something. This light. And darkness. Tears. Pain. Blood. So much blood. And then there was...

"Thor?" Loki breathes as she comes around. Thor almost died, didn't he?

"Nope, no Norse God here other than you," Bruce's voice rings in her ears. Loki grasps her head, leaning forward. Her head feels as though her skull was smashed into pieces.

"Now, look who's back under the living," the doctor walks up to her with a sympathetic grimace. "More or less."

"How long was I out?" she asks, her voice still hoarse.

"Four hours, almost five," Bruce tells her. "How are you feeling?"

"Like _butchered?"_ Loki grimaces.

"I picture," Bruce smirks sympathetically.

"... how's Thor? Did he...," she bites her lower lip. Maybe Loki just dreamed that she saved him. Maybe darkness won after all?

"He's on the way back to health, as could be expected from a bullhead such as him," Bruce tells her reassuringly. "Well, and of course because of a bullhead such as you."

She lets out a weary sigh. It worked. Odin may not be that much of a joke after all... even if she doubts that he has his hands in this somehow.

"Though I am curious...," Bruce grimaces, pushing his glasses up with his index finger. "What exactly did you do... with Thor? Judging by the amount of blood he lost and the extent of the injury..."

"To say it in your terms, he was clinically dead," Loki nods. He was dead. Thor... was dead.

"So... you can revive people as you want?" Bruce asks. Because Loki never mentioned that to him, that much is for sure.

"No," she shakes her head. "In fact I am neither proficient in healing... much to my mother's dismay."

"What do you mean?" Bruce asks.

"I learned from her how to heal wounds, but we soon realized that I only could do it for others to a certain extent. Once injuries are life-threatening... there's nothing I can do for this person," she admits. "It's different for myself. I can simply shift my energy into the places needed to heal myself, if I have enough left, but... for others... I can't do much beyond a certain point."

"So how did you manage with Thor? I mean... the wounds were healing up once we got to you, and ever since they are healing very fast," Bruce asks her. He knew that both Gods have great healing powers – and are not easily wounded in the first place, but when they found Thor, the wound kept on closing as they brought them back to the headquarters.

"To put it simple... I used a rare kind of magic. A chant from the former days," Loki licks her lips nervously. To say the least. Actually, it's forbidden magic, but that is a detail Loki will like to keep to herself, for good measure.

"So you can pull that all the while?" Bruce asks. "That would be a really convenient trick."

"No... it's an onetime chant, to put it simple. And that is why... I can't use it as I please," Loki exhales.

"Hm, then we will stick to good old bandages and ibuprofen for starters," he winks at her.

"That might be a good idea," Loki smirks as she unconsciously runs a hand over her throat.

"Though I wonder why you are not healed yet," Bruce nods at her throat, where is still a dark bruise from the whip. She runs her fingertips across the still rough skin with a faint smile tugging at her lips, "The spell weakened my abilities to a degree where it takes a while until I can actually summon my magic again... though it would go faster if I had all my strength."

Really, another thing to curse Odin for. This would have been much easier with her actual magic still in place, but no, the great Allfather had to rip it from the God of Mischief. Fear is a bothersome emotion, for all involved.

"But you will get those powers back, right?" Bruce asks with concern.

"Yes, yes... I'll be as good as new, probably by the end of today already," she assures him with a soft smile. Care, however, is a very... _nice_ emotion, for all involved, if not overdone, of course. Because overly care is just... pathetic. And of course Loki is well aware that she is the Queen of Pathetic these days.

"I... I hope everyone else is okay?" Loki asks, shaking her head, closing her eyes for a second to clear her mind.

"Yeah, just scratches and bruises... and Tony whines about some dents in his suit, but other than that all are fine," Bruce smirks at her.

"That's good...," she sighs. "... is he awake yet?"

"Yeah, at least last I've seen him. We did try to make him lie down, with some straps, you know?" Bruce smirks, and Loki completes with a roll of her eyes, "No chance. That is something the healers gave up on long ago."

"So what do they do to hold him down?" Bruce asks curiously.

"... a very strong potion... we normally use it to knock out the horses," Loki smirks. "Though I doubt that you have an equivalent for that here on Earth."

"Hm, maybe we should smuggle some of it in here," Bruce winks at her.

"It might be a good idea," Loki smiles. "Though I can still knock him out, if I really want to."

She lets out a weary sigh, her skin still crawling from the remaining adrenaline.

"... I think I should see him," Loki whispers.

"Well, I would advise you to lie down some more still, but I don't think I can stop you even if I tried. I guess the horse tranquilizers are the only thing that'd work on you, too," Bruce smirks.

"Oh, they don't, actually. I'm immune to such things. Jotun blood. Most toxins have no effect on us," she shrugs as she gets up from the stretcher. Her knees almost give away as she puts weight on her legs, but Bruce supports her by the arm, "Take it easy for a moment. No need to rush things."

Loki sucks in a couple of deep breaths before she makes the first steps towards the door. Bruce lets go once he sees that she is fine and that the vertigo passes. It doesn't take a genius to see two things: One, Loki doesn't want any help. Two, she wants to be alone with Thor.

She makes her way to Thor's room, her heart beating in her chest so hard that she can hear it pounding in her ears. She reaches his door and opens it hesitantly, stepping inside. She finds the thunderer still heavily bandaged trying eagerly to stand on his own, though he has to hold on to the bed for support. He has his back to her, but even from behind she can tell that the color returned to his skin. Life claimed him again... it really worked.

"Do I have to get you the horse tranquilizers or will you lie down yourself?" Loki asks, her voice suddenly sounding very hoarse. Thor turns around, now taking notice of the young woman standing inside the room for the first time.

"Loki," he breathes, relief washing over him.

"Lie back down, Thor," she tells him again. Loki wants to sound angry, but in the end... her voice is soft and caring. Thor sits down on the edge of the bed. Of course the dull oaf has to get through his thick skull somehow. Loki moves around the bed to be face-to-face with him. She sits down in the chair next to him. His blue eyes travel down her body, taking in all the bruises, cuts, abrasions, and bandages. Thor stretches out his hand and brings it down against Loki's bruised throat. For a moment she wants to withdraw from his touch, but it doesn't hurt... for some reason. So she lets him.

"That should be healed by now," he grimaces with concern flooding him. She shouldn't have those bruises, those injuries. All because of him. Even now, even when he tried to, he failed to protect her.

"It will soon," she assures him.

"You shouldn't have that scar, though," he shakes his head.

"It won't leave a scar," she rolls her eyes at him. "You should know that. I just take some time till I can use my magic again to heal myself."

Thor grimaces at her.

"Now would you finally lie down?" she sighs.

"No," he grunts.

"Fine, then don't," she holds up her hands in surrender, trying to fake nonchalance. Both fall silent again, unsure what to say, or do. Thor contemplates on what Loki told him, and that is when his eyes narrow to thin slits.

"You used it," Thor grits his teeth, anger suddenly rising within him.

"Used what?" she huffs.

"Mother forbade you to ever make use of it, Loki!" Thor growls.

"Oh please," she rolls her eyes, but Thor doesn't waver, "It's forbidden magic, Loki."

"It's no black magic, if that is what you are hinting at," she argues.

"No black magic, but still a spell so dangerous that no sorcerer shall cast it," Thor hisses. "Mother told you that it could kill you to use that spell."

At some point Loki hoped that Thor forgot about this, but... Thor doesn't forget about these things. He forgets many other things, but when it is about dangers and concern, he will remember it till the day he dies.

"But apparently, I'm very much alive," she huffs.

"You could have died," he argues vehemently.

"And you _would_ have died if I had not acted," she retorts, anger slowly rising within her. "You were already across the cliff, Thor. You were on the very verge of death. There was no other way to bring you back, but this."

"You shouldn't have, not at the cost of your life," Thor shakes his head, but that is when Loki slaps him across the cheek, hard. Thor blinks at her, surprised to find fresh tears welling up her eyes.

"Don't you dare!" she yells. Thor is dumbstruck.

"Don't you ever dare say that again! Let alone _think_!" she curses, gritting her teeth, but then her breath leaves her and she gasps for air, clutching at her chest.

"Loki, please," Thor grimaces, unsure what to say or do.

"No! You can't just play the hero on me like that! I'm none of the weak, frail maidens of Asgard you have to save, I'm none of the mortals here on Earth who cannot protect themselves! You can't play the shining hero in front of my eyes and jump into the crossfire for me!" she sneers against the tears that just keep on coming.

"I know you are none of that," Thor argues. "I wouldn't go that far for just anyone. I went that far _because_ it was you."

"Oh please," she huffs. Loki knows that Thor would have done that for many people. Friends, family... the list is endless. He is a bloody Golden Prince after all. The wish to save, to protect, be righteous, it runs in his golden blood, though golden blood, as it turned out, also becomes red once it reaches the surface.

"I'm not talking about taking a blow and suffering injury," Thor debates.

"Then what?" she grimaces.

"To come back," he says in a soft voice. She blinks at him.

"It was... I heard your voice. In that darkness. You called out to me, didn't you?" he whispers.

"Yes...," she exhales.

"You know how it is with me, with Aesir," Thor grimaces.

"You happily lose your life in battle. If you do so by protecting someone dear to you, _that_ is a good death," she nods.

Foolish rules made by fools. What makes a death good? In the end it stays the same. People bleed, people hurt, people suffocate, their hearts stop beating. The last breath leaves them. Tears stream down their faces. They pale. Decay. There is nothing heroic about it.

If you have two people dying next to each other, one who died protecting someone, the other not, they will still suffer the same pain, share the same last breath of air. Except for a self-conscious smile on his face, the hero will still go to the same place the other man will. So what is heroic about that? What makes it good? A foolish smile? A sweet lie? Is _that_ worthwhile? No, most certainly not.

"And I would have happily died for you," Thor says.

"You can't just tell me that with a straight face and think that I will be proud of you, praise you for it. I hate this rule, Thor! I hate it with all my heart. It's stupid, it's foolish! Death isn't great, death is not heroic! I know what I'm talking about! I was there also, Thor. I saw the light and ran from it, as much as I wanted to let it embrace me. Dying for someone is easy," she says, biting her lower lip. "I learned that lesson by now. I wanted to die before. It's easy... even if for me... it's a bit more difficult, seemingly, because it takes quite a bit to actually make me die, but the decision... it's easy. And what comes after it is. _Living_ for someone, _that's_ hard, Thor. That's the true task."

Thor blinks at her.

"I chose not to die so may times, for _your_ sake, Thor! I chose to live for you when I wanted to have sweet death claiming me. You know it! So don't you dare come me with this heroic speech of how you'd die for me! I don't want you to die for me, Thor! I can't!" she exclaims.

"What was I supposed to do, then? Let you die instead?" Thor argues. "You say I can't demand that from you, so you can't demand it from me either, Loki."

"Oh yes, I can! After all the suffering I took for you! After all the deaths I denied myself for your sake! After all I underwent to live, and actually live around you, I can demand it!" she snarls.

"You said it yourself, death is easy," he shakes his head.

"You can't demand from me after all I underwent to keep that one thing, to keep you alive. You can't just demand that from me! No! I won't accept that. The prospect of me perhaps dying against the certainty of you dying... it was the better chance, and I took it. Either way it would have been both our deaths, but like this... we are alive now!" she curses against the tears burning in her eyes. _Damn_ , they are alive.

"But it mustn't happen that you sacrifice yourself like that for me," Thor argues.

"And it won't ever again. You know that I can only use it once," she retorts, angrily wiping at the tears standing in her eyes.

"I caused you so much pain in the past. Then how can I demand from you that you risk your life for me like that?" Thor asks her.

" _You_ don't demand it, _I_ demand it," she snarls. "I made this foolish and pitiful decision to live my life for you. That is something I have to live with, not you."

"That's not true, and you know it," Thor looks at her sternly. "You can't live for someone and then say this someone is not involved in it some way. I'm here, Loki. I'm here also. You can't just always exclude me."

"That's over now anyways," she sighs.

"... because we linked souls," Thor nods. He knows what this spell does, and why it is forbidden. Frigga told him so that he may make sure that Loki doesn't ever use it. It's a dangerous spell, so dangerous that most sorcerers do not even know of its existence. It's well hidden in the deepest corners of libraries, behind bars and locks, but... _of course_ Loki had to learn about it anyway.

Thor can still recall how the trickster came to him when they were still much younger. Loki ran into Thor's room, closed the door, holding an old book in brown leather and golden ornament in front of his chest. How he tossed it on his bed, flipped to the right page and explained to the older brother how he found this in the forbidden rooms of the library, even though he found those spells much more interesting, and finally at a higher level than those awful healing spells Mother always made him practice. That this spell could bring back the dead. That it was so powerful to command not just objects but life itself. And then Mother came in, furious. They had never seen her that angry before. She took the book from Loki and told him to never dare touch it again. She then went on to explain that this power was hidden for good reasons. That it can kill the sorcerer who casts the spell – because one exposes one's own life essence, the soul, to that person the sorcerer chooses to bring back. And that the one who casts the spell may well lose his soul either in the process or within the other person's soul, and thus die, too. Frigga told Loki again and again that he may never cast this spell, for no one, not even for them. And Thor she told to make sure that his brother doesn't ever come to the idea again.

The worry on their mother's face never left Thor's mind ever since that day. And now... here they are, centuries later... and it happened.

"In fact," she exhales. Loki knew the risks of the spell and that she may lose her life in this endeavor, but to to the trickster, this really doesn't matter. It never did. Not even Mother's tears from the past, when she told them about how dangerous this spell is. What bothers her, however, are the consequences of her apparent... success.

"... so did you see what I saw?" Thor asks, his voice raw.

"The light, the tunnel...," she hums, but he shakes his head, "You know what I mean. Did you see it, too? Hear it? Feel it?"

"You said it, our souls linked, so that you may have a bit of my essence to bring yours back into being. Our souls... touched," she grimaces.

"So it is true what I saw?" he asks again, now with a bit more strength.

"I don't know what you saw, Thor," she scolds, but he just keeps looking at her, which makes Loki realize that she won't maneuver out of this situation with a joke or some snotty comment.

"I don't come around the truth, do I?" she sighs.

"No," he shakes his head. He has to know. _Has_ to.

"When this spell is cast... two souls are bound together. One gives, the other takes. They touch. They intercept. Create space where there once was none. When you do that, then... the souls are exposed to the deepest core of the self. And that is... what is also transmitted across to the other," she bites her lower lip, not meeting his eyes.

"So your voice I heard, the light I saw... it was all real," Thor says.

"Yes," she whispers.

"... so those feelings... are still real to you as they are to me," Thor goes on. Loki closes her eyes. What a success is it when everything is just crushed over again? She saw it, heard it, felt it. Thor bears her the affection that she always sought, the one Loki accused him of that he didn't. That Thor only bore her brotherly concern – and that even if he made himself believe that he loved Loki for the woman she is now... it was no more than a sweet lie for both. But in that darkness, she saw the light – and that light showed her the truth she didn't want to know. That he loves her _just_ like that. So much that it hurts. Sizzles. Burns. Freezes.

Loki glances to the side, shame washing over her in waves. Wrong in being right. And right in being wrong all along.

"So you know how I feel for you," Thor goes on. In that darkness he heard his own thoughts as an echo. If this carried across to Loki, then she must know by now. That means she should finally see that he held true to his promise, this hushed little promise he made to her when she bore a different name, a different dress, when he didn't know it was her.

"... yes," she croaks. He told her, so many times by now... but only in that moment, Loki had to make herself believe it, because there was no distance between them, no space for lies or insecurities. In this state of mergence, two souls do not only come together, they are stripped to their most basic and truest feelings and emotions, so far that even the lies people tell themselves disperse into thin smoke and leave nothing but truth.

"... and what I heard and saw... it's what you feel for me also," Thor goes on. Loki is unable to reply, but that is answer enough to Thor. Both remain silent for a while until Loki gathers a bit of her courage again to speak up, "... though it shouldn't actually come as a surprise... we both said it before. It's something we could have guessed... if not know... what that brings or changes for us remains the question, however."

"It changes everything," Thor argues. "We are soulmates, Loki. We are bound by destiny now, in a deeper way than ever. You know the spell, you know what it does. Our souls touched, met. They were one. And we won't ever find a deeper connection to someone else."

"If you believe that this was my ultimate scheme to bind you to myself, then believe me that it wasn't," she huffs.

"Loki, don't joke about this, will you?" he demands.

"I'm sorry," she bows her head. No, they shouldn't joke about it. It's too severe to degrade it in that way. Loki knows that Thor is right, and he shall be damned for being right, for once.

"... then will you answer my question?" Thor asks. "What is now still between us? Why can't we just... be this? If you feel this way and I feel this way? What holds us? What keeps us apart when even our souls are connected now?"

"Blood," Loki replies simply, which makes Thor only frown at her, so she carries on, "We are still children of different realms. We cannot ever change that circumstance. Just as we cannot change the past in which we both hurt one another, scarred, cut, pushed away and back together again. You're Aesir, I'm Jotun. You're future King of Asgard... I'm an outlaw banished to Midgard no one in Asgard ever wants to see around again, pretending to be human to have something to hold on to. We cannot mend this because in the end... we are and will always be parted by our blood."

"No matter what bloodline crosses between us, our souls are irrevocably one now, Loki. And no blood runs within the soul. There is just energy and truth in it. And the truth is that neither one of us actually cares about our heritage and that our love reaches further than does the blood feud of Asgard and Jotunheimr," Thor argues.

"It isn't meant to be, Thor," Loki argues.

"You don't care for destiny, Loki, you never did. You always said that we decide for ourselves, that we are the masters of our lives. That is the paradigm you lived by. You never wanted to be subordinate in your own life. You never accepted some authority, and be it destiny itself, to claim stake over your life," Thor argues.

"And yet it happened! Maybe not destiny itself, but you!" she bites her lower lip. Thor blinks at her.

"I already told you. The reason why I chose to live is... because of you. I live for you. As pitiful and foolish as it is. I live my life for you. And I did for longer than I want to admit. My paradigm... it's you. Don't you see that what we have is unconditional love?" she grimaces.

"... and isn't that... good?" Thor frowns, but she shakes her head vehemently, "No, it's not. It's _not_ _good_ , Thor. It's hurtful, for the both of us. Don't you see that? I know it's a tempting concept. I find myself in love with it also. Because it means that the love may survive through all hardships, but... a love that is unconditional... it means that either one can do anything – and the other is still bound to love you, accept it. You had to take so much pain because of me. Because of the lies I told you. Because of my schemes. The pain I caused Mother. The shame of that night. The humiliation at your coronation. That I pushed you away even when you made your feelings clear to me. And I just wouldn't believe in them. And so much more that's better left unspoken. And still... still you love me. Isn't that sick?! Isn't that wrong?! It _should_ be wrong. No one should live like this, love like this. With this kind of love, we only grant each other chances to do each other wrong, over and over again. We will only end up hurting each other, Thor."

"But we don't have to," Thor argues. "Maybe it'll be all good from this point on. Because it's a parallel situation now. We both know about our feelings, we saw the truth, felt it. There is no longer any denial. And wasn't that what caused us all the pain? That we were living in denial?"

"I caused you pain not only because of the denial, Thor. You well know that. I honestly ask myself just what would you still love about me other than perhaps my looks and our shared past. All I bring about is pain and sorrow. I'm the God of Mischief, so who are we kidding? I'm neither Aesir, nor real Jotun, at least my real father saw it like that and left me to die, I'm no human either, I'm no man, no woman. Just everything about me and within me seems to be a lie. How could you love me for any of this if it's all just smoke and ashes?" she shakes her head.

"You never made it easy for me," Thor smirks faintly. Loki blinks at him. _What_?

"Already as children, you never accepted your position as second to the throne. You always wanted to outmatch me, surpass me, be one step ahead. But it went further than that, because you always taunted me, questioned me," Thor says.

"I was a defiant child," she huffs. "So what?"

"And you gave me chase," he smirks.

"That was Maya, not me," Loki snorts.

"Yet, you are Maya. Loki, there is no way to deny it anymore. You were, you are Maya. This is you. In that moment where it was just the two of us and all doubts left you... it was you," Thor argues, glad for the first time that he can finally say that – _knowing_ it.

"Even if so... what's it to you? To me, this is just another instance in which I caused you pain," she sighs.

"It took me a long time to see, but... that is what I loved about you, ever since," Thor explains, looking her deep in the eye to make himself clear, the hushed words resonating between them once again:

" _Your eyes speak the truth." – "They mirror your feelings."_

" _What do they say?" – "That you mean it."_

" _Then so believe in the honesty of my heart. When I see your eyes, they speak the truth." – "And the truth is... I feel for you."_

"You always questioned me, gave me chase, made me move, pushed me, shoved me... to make me move forward, to make me change," Thor smiles at her faintly.

"Oh, how joyous. Even as not your fair maiden, I had no better to do than treat you as my husband and make you my obedient servant, form you like clay?" she huffs.

"You formed me in some way, but a good way, Loki," Thor assures her. "It's because you managed to do ever since what I failed to do until of late."

"And that would be?" Loki blinks at him.

"You saw more in me than what I was or am, the Prince of Asgard. You saw in me the man behind that title. You saw all my flaws, all my mistakes, and then granted me a chance to change myself, improve, while at the same time... and that is what I know now, you still loved me despite these mistakes. And it's just so, so many. You are not the only one who caused pain. I caused you probably even more pain than you ever possibly could, Loki, for I am... a coward."

This time she stares at him. Thor saying that he is a coward? Maybe she is actually caught up in some weird nightmare after all? That can't possibly be, can it?

"Why... would you be a coward?" she brings out.

"I ran away. I ran away from you, over and over. I ran from my romantic feelings for you and pushed them behind the curtains of brotherly affection. I turned to my friends more often as a child so that I wouldn't be confronted with any of this. I ran from the responsibility. I hardly stood up to you when Father punished you... and by the Gods, I didn't stand by you when he took your children. I actually, literally turned my back on you, left the chambers. Left you behind in your misery, terror, dread and blood. Something I will never be able to forgive myself for," he declares, his voice giving up on him by the end, emotion overtaking him. Just how much he regrets all of it now...

"And the morning after the night you appeared to me as Maya... I did the same thing again. Because I felt so utterly ashamed of myself and feared others to look down on me, for Father to degrade me, deny me the throne, deny me as his son... I pushed the blame on you, said it was an evil trick, that you must have enchanted me somehow, all to get your revenge on us for not telling you of your true heritage or something of the like. And that even though I knew you didn't. Even though I knew, deep down, that it was honest, tender feelings – and that I had honestly declared my love to you that very night, and _meant_ it. I ran from you," Thor shakes his head. How could he?

"And then when you were banished and I was on Earth... I didn't dare to come close to you, fearing your reaction, your eyes. I stayed aloof, stayed with the Avengers... I didn't bother if you had enough food or if you had somewhere to live. All I was concerned about was myself and my sorrows and pains that I, _conveniently_ , loaded upon your shoulders. And when you came to the Avengers... I pushed you away again, pushed away all those feelings, got overtaken by selfishness and anger... and treated you the way I did, just the way I did before. I ran away, all this time. And you had to pay the price... doesn't that make me a coward, truly?" Thor speaks, and Loki, for the first time in a long time, is actually left dumbstruck. She never expected such honesty from him, or rather such openness about his feelings, and to actually take the blame.

"I ran from the one person I always truly loved, from the one person who took me for who I am, so really, you're not the only one who's made mistakes, Loki. You're not the only one. And more than anything I'm sorry that we had to go this far for me to finally be able to admit that. I could have spared you a lot of pain if I had reached that epiphany sooner," Thor shakes his head sadly. "Nevertheless... I think that this might still be our chance. Now you know. Now I know."

"... but I'm no longer this person, Thor, the one you fell in love with," Loki argues in a soft voice. Thor blinks at her, "What?"

"You say you love me for the one who always disobeyed, pushed you, pushed everyone, because I fought with all my might, correct?" Loki questions, Thor nods, though he doesn't know exactly what Loki is trying to get across.

"But I don't fight anymore. I lost that edge. I... _accepted._ I accepted this life here, or whatever you may call it. This life is a lie, once again, a sweet lie. I try to make myself believe that this banishment is actually no banishment, but some wink of fate. I make friends, decorate my room, go shopping, pretend to be human," she sighs. She takes a moment to regain focus.

"... and then I wear this face," she huffs, tears freshly creeping up to her lashes.

"Loki, I assure you, it's not about your physical appearance that I feel for you," Thor assures her quickly, visibly at a loss.

"No, I know. It's not about that. You see... I chose this face for three reasons. First, it's easiest, as I told you, because it is my natural female form. Second, I wanted to hurt you with this, revive old memories. As much as I tried to deny it, it was satisfactory to see you squirming and sweating uncomfortably at the memories of Maya and that night coming back to you. And finally, I chose to wear it as my last defiance against Odin... and isn't that truly pathetic? Even now I try to get back at the old man in some way... even if he obviously doesn't even care anymore," she snorts.

"Why is _that_ defiance against Odin?" Thor questions.

"Odin changed my appearance into that of an Aesir child when he took me from Jotunheimr, out of that temple where I was left to die, because I was too small for a giant. He gave me the face I wore as Loki, the Aesir God of Mischief, the _male_ God of Mischief, but _this_ face?" she runs a shaky hand over her cheek. "He had nothing to do with it. Odin never saw it, actually. This is my true form, a form he's never seen. He didn't give it to me. It's mine and mine alone. I designed it. I made it, created it. It's my female form, a form I was denied for almost all my life in Asgard, because at first no one would tell me about my true heritage as a Jotun, and therefore the fluid sex, and later... with my children... they just tried to cover up for the fact that this was indeed me also. Yet... here I dared to wear it again. And I found myself... more than just liking it. I felt like this was... me."

"Then what is wrong about that?" Thor frowns at her.

"It's a lie also, Thor. I try to make myself believe that this is a last defiance, that this actually makes a difference. By the end of the day, it's still the same me, wearing a different face. I tell myself that I'm significant in that way that this actually is a defiance to the Allfather, or even to you. I pretend to be this... human woman with a better heart, a kinder nature, one who knows humbleness and honesty, who holds friendships dear, and dares to live. But in the end I only pretend, for in truth I am a banished God who thought he mattered in some way, though he did not. And... I accepted that, for about a year now. A _year._ I lost the fight and accepted my destiny as a fallen God. I lost to Odin long time ago. I lost to destiny. And I did not fight it. At all. I never searched for a way out of Midgard ever since I was banished to here. I mean, back in Asgard, I found a way to travel without the Bifröst. I could surely repeat that again, but... I lost my will to fight. What you love about me, as you say, that I always fight back, always struggle, never give up... it's no longer true. I'm no longer this person... I gave up," she explains, her voice full of dread. She bows her head and brings up her hands to her scalp, painfully twisting her raven curls between her long fingers, needing the pull, the pain, to ground herself.

"You didn't give up because you lost, Loki," Thor argues. Loki looks back up to him.

"You gave up because you won, because you still win, with every day passing, if only you finally saw that and accepted it," Thor goes on.

"... what did I win?" she grimaces against the fresh tears standing in her eyes.

"What you always wished for. Now you have a place you call home. You have friends, _good_ friends, who stand by you in times of battle and crisis, who even try to mediate between us even though it bothers them out of their minds. You are at a place away from Odin, after all the pain he's caused you, away from the throne. You have a life here, Loki. I know it's not the sublime life in a palace, with servants, golden halls, diamonds and rubies, but still... it's a good life. You enjoy yourself. You laugh with them, you _honestly_ laugh with them, like spending time with them. You talk to them, even about the private things. That is something you didn't even do with the Warrior Three or Lady Sif. You never felt this close with anyone else but Mother and me perhaps. This life here is good, for you. You made it good for you," Thor explains.

"Make the best out of the misery? Is that really my one and only achievement... all I can dare to wish for?" she shakes her head sadly.

She knows that Thor is right. She knows that this life... is actually her reason to live. Those people. The house. Her room. Everything. That is what she lives for these days. And it doesn't really bother her inside her heart, if not for this dreading pull at her soul that it's all a lie, that it's all dictated by the Allfather at some end. That he is still the puppetmaster, looming above her. That this micro-cosmos is only there for the sake of the banishment, like a goldfish in a bowl considers that sphere its home until it's confronted with the outside world when the water is changed for the first time and the fish is taken out. As much as she loves this blissful state of somewhere in between, of friends and normalcy, she can't shake off the feeling that she is just telling herself a lie. Because there is something beyond the fish bowls – and she well knows that there is. She has been there.

"No, but that you see that you don't have to fight for it anymore, Loki. Because you already have it. This is something no one can take from you again. Don't you see that? Those bonds you established, the friendships you built up, that's nothing anyone can take from you again. It's yours. This life is yours. This face you say is a lie... it's truth. You said it yourself. It's your natural form. It's you. This is you. All of it is you. Perhaps everything before was more of an act... and this is actually the real you, once you take away the lies Odin forced upon you, the lies you forced upon you by yourself, and the lies I forced upon us both also. I saw your soul, Loki, I know that I'm right. And deep down you know that I am. That this is your gain, your victory. If only you accepted it to this end. If only you finally allowed yourself to win, for once, allow yourself to find peace. You could have everything you wanted, if you just dared to take what is given to you deliberately, Loki. Not always does everything have to be a fight of life and death," Thor tells her. And Loki can do nothing, say nothing, just look at him speaking the truth that reaches all the way up this eyes and thus back to her.

"... and you could have me, too, if you wanted," he whispers. "We are both here. We know each other's feelings. We are literally soulmates. We love one another to the point that we live and die for each other. That's the way it is. The question is if you can accept that as your gain... or if it is still a loss to you. I cannot make that decision for you, and I wouldn't even if I could. I love you. And I won't ever run away from that again. I can promise you that, but it's up to you. It's... your life."

Loki looks him in the eye again... and is met by nothing but honestly, pure, from the bottom of his heart emotion. Is it that easy, really? Is the solution to their oh so complicated, everlasting problem, fight, struggle, strife that reached all the way from lies to unspoken truths over defiance, neglect, punishment, over running away and back to each other, banishment, life and death... really that easy? Can their love possibly be an easy one after all? Can ruins be fixed? Can you mend two broken hearts? Loki doesn't know. She just doesn't. A part of her can't imagine, another is dreading, pleading, crawling on its knees to believe, while yet another hides in the corner in fear of what will come if she dares to hope, and has those hopes crushed again in the face of reality.

But then Loki looks at Thor again, at those pools of truth and warmth, this warmth that reaches all the way through her very being, touches her soul, melts the ice and frost of years of dread and loneliness engulfing her.

And that is when Loki tentatively moves her shaking hand over to his, at first her fingertips barely stroking against the back of Thor's hand, but his fingers welcoming stretch out for her to intertwine between the gaps he leaves open for her to creep in between before he closes his fist again, pressing against her frail fingers only hard enough to give her this foreign yet so familiar feeling of security.

Because there is no longer distance between them.

And both dare to hope that this will close the gap between them, mend their broken hearts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TBC - this is not the end yet ;)


	28. Take My Hand & Don't Let Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki and Thor spend time together. 
> 
> Loki goes to the roof, to try something out. 
> 
> Thor needs to see Loki back, quite desperately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to use that opportunity to point out one thing that is rummaging through my mind in a while now: I know that this fanfic is getting longer and longer (though I hope that you didn't grow tired of it yet). 
> 
> So for those who feel like it goes on for too long now... I can only suggest that you take the last chapter as a conclusion, I think that actually works, but honestly? When I started writing this fanfic, I wanted to develop those characters – and this relationship. I just had the feeling that they had to come a long way before they finally get down to talk feelings, be honest to each other and admit it to themselves... I often felt like I could have brought them together already, during the ball or when the children-incident came about, but I decided against it... because it was too easy, at least to me. And now I could have ended it also, but... I decided against it, again. To me, it shouldn't just end with a promise made, but that they live by it – and work it. So, if you want to stick with me and what I breed out inside my fanfiction-ridden mind, I'd gladly invite you a bit further on that journey ;)
> 
> That being said, I hope I won't deceive your hopes and that you stick with my story.

In the aftermath of the battle against Gorr – and the revelations that came with it, Thor is still recovering from his injury in the sickbay, just as is Loki, though she is allowed to move around more freely than he is. After all, she makes him lie down in bed, if not by force.

Currently, he is lying in bed, glancing at the ceiling, while she is reading a book, calmly sitting in the chair next to him. Loki's wounds are fading slowly as her magic returns to her, but much to her dismay, it takes longer than she had estimated. Truly, if only she still had all her powers, Loki wouldn't be bound to wait for her magic to return to her that long. But the curses directed at Odin for taking her magic die on her lips before they ever travel past them once her eyes fall upon Thor's. After all, he is still here, he is actually here, and that means that enough power was within her to make that miracle, _truly_ , happen. So where is the point in dreading over the old man's decision?

"By the Gods, Loki, I'm feeling fine. You're the only one who seeks to keep me here," Thor breaks out. He is a man of action after all. And to stare at the ceiling, in the silence of the day... it's torture to him.

"Doctor Banner confirmed that your wounds aren't fully healed yet," Loki argues, not looking up from her book for just a second. "Some traits just never die, do they? You already acted like that as a child."

"And the same is true for you. How many times do I have to tell you that your eyes will become rectangular one day if you keep up that constant reading?" Thor huffs, though a smirk tugs at his lips now. It feels good that they can finally... talk... again. Before, even the trivial conversations always felt like heavy air that made it hard to breathe, hard to talk.

"I live for eons now – and my eyes did not change in shape, _ever,_ unless I wanted them to. It's just something Mother used to say to make me stop," Loki snorts. "Just as she told you that your arm would fall off if you ever dared to make the girl you woo unhappy... or impregnate her before marrying her. You did make the Ladies unhappy numerous times and didn't lose your arm, so I think I will be good reading, hm?"

"Did I make you unhappy?" Thor blinks at her.

"Do you seriously ask me that?" Loki snickers – and _yes,_ it feels actually good to say it, mean it by not meaning it. They can laugh about such things now again, something they couldn't do in a long time.

"Not really," Thor smiles back.

"Good," Loki smiles, before her eyes drift off to her book again.

"What are you reading, then?" Thor asks instead.

"You are sincere?" she blinks at him again. "You hate reading, or rather... books entirely."

"Well, since you make me lie down and stare at the ceiling, I have no better to do," Thor shrugs, grimacing at the pull against his still healing skin. Loki tilts her head before she says, "A story book from Vanaheimr. They have beautiful stories there."

"But only Aesir stories tell about the huge battles," Thor argues.

"And those from Vanaheimr do not, which make them ever so attractive in my eyes," Loki smiles at him. Thor pouts to himself.

She knows that he loves the hero's tales of battle and glory of Asgard. Even if it's no longer her home, it's still Thor's. Loki accepted that by now. Especially after they admitted to each other what they felt inside their hearts in eons of time. Even if Thor is more than the Prince of Asgard, he is it, too, it's part of his being, his soul. He feels ties to this realm. This is his home, this is his place, it contains the people he considers family other than Loki and the Avengers. May it be that it's not Thor's blood calling, but it's still his home calling, his family. And Loki won't deny him that. Just because she failed to make Asgard her home doesn't mean that he has to suffer them same kind of destiny. No, she doesn't want him to. She doesn't want him to hurt anymore.

"I will go down if I have to stay here for much longer," he sighs. Loki can't help but smile, though she hides it behind the pages of her book.

"You will not. You are just being overly dramatic, Thor," she sighs, rolling her emerald eyes at him. Though she can't deny that she enjoys it, personally. Not necessarily that Thor is struggling that much, the least because he is hurt, but because it feels normal again, to be around each other, be close.

And she loves this silence. Except for occasional visits, they are on their own. After the revelations that came with the end of this battle, they are still in that blissful state of in-between, not yet exposed to the world, like a newborn that didn't see the outside of the nursery yet. For once, there are no expectations other than their own. There is just them – and Loki likes it, because there was no "them" for so long now.

"Well... then what do you wish to happen other than that I let you go to take your mind out of its misery?" Loki asks with a huff. Thor turns his face to her, "I don't know. We could talk, just... do something."

"Well, right now is not the best of times, since I want to read this book," Loki smirks.

"Read it out to me, then," Thor suggests.

"You are kidding me, right? Thor, how old are you?" she snorts. Even with their souls connected now, that man keeps on surprising her.

"There is nothing childish about hearing great stories. Now that I am on earth so much... I rarely get to hear the tall tales of our homes," Thor argues.

"Vanaheimr is not our home," Loki narrows her eyes at him.

"But we spent a lot of time there – and undertook many adventures and quests," Thor debates.

"But those are not the ones I read," Loki snorts. "I don't see the sense in reading a story about myself. I find it odd to see how others may see my character, for they usually do it wrongly, so... no."

"I don't mind," Thor shrugs. "Those are stories to my liking."

"You don't even know the stories, Thor," Loki chuckles.

"It doesn't matter for as long as it's you reading them. No one can tell tall tales the way you do. I always loved to hear them from you," Thor smiles at her, now much more honestly.

It's truth told. Of course Thor took great pleasure in boasting about his adventures in front of people and friends, but it was Loki who could tell the great tales of the different realms, painting them in colors with just his intonation and voice. It was a subtle way, with small gestures, in contrast to his own. Loki did not need the strengths of the gestures to convey the meaning, his voice was enough to carry across, bring color to the canvas of imagination. And Thor always loved that. He can still recall how much he loved it when they were both still lads, and long since _too old_ for their mother to read out to them. He and Loki were on either one's bed, Thor playing around with some ball while Loki read out the stories to him. Just as it is now, Thor insisted that Loki read them out to him while he listened to his gentle voice. They spent hours like this, as though the world was gone for a few moments, hidden behind the tall tales slipping from the younger prince's lips.

"Ugh, you're such a big stupid oaf, Thor," Loki rolls her emerald eyes at him.

"Read it out," Thor insists. He knows it's foolish, but it feels nice to be foolish without truly being foolish for once, foolish in the sense that they fail to say what all know, fail to be what both want to be, simply fail.

"I'm not a dog you can command," Loki snorts.

"Read it to me, please?" Thor smiles at her. Another thing he always loved about Loki was this defiance – that the trickster still had to deflect, even though both long since knew that Loki would give in eventually. So Thor is not the only one who did not yet manage to get rid of all childish mannerisms and kinks.

"I wanted to read, not read _out,_ " Loki corrects him.

"Please," Thor tries again. She looks at him sternly.

" _Please,_ " he says another time.

"You are a lousy patient, you know that, right?" she huffs.

"If I were a good patient, I wouldn't ever leave the sickbay. I think the less you like it, the more likely you are to stay away from it," Thor smirks at her.

"Och, you spent more time in the sickbay than any of the Warrior Three or the Lady Sif, even," Loki snorts dismissively.

"And yet, even as a lousy patient I always was, you used to read out to me," Thor snickers. She smiles, rolling her eyes. In fact, Loki did, but back then it was to annoy him, at least when they were still young lads. It was during a time in which they were still required to learn the stories of Asgard, the customs, the rules... and Loki had taken it upon himself to make sure Thor "kept up with his studies", which meant that he came to the sickbay everyday to read the assignment out to him, against Thor's pleading and whining to just stop.

"And yet, you used to hate it," Loki returns, cocking an eyebrow at him. Even if they reached a kind of peace, that doesn't mean she will no longer fight him for the smaller things.

"Well, we are no longer children, so it is no longer studies that you force upon me," Thor chuckles.

"Oh, you should know, everything is studies, Thor. Books are knowledge. And by reading it, you study it," Loki argues. Thor smirks at her, waits. She narrows her eyes, but then lets out a sigh and glances down at her book, "... There once was, a long time ago, a man who sought an adventure, having grown tired of the duties of the peasantry. And so he set out for his voyage that changed his life entirely..."

And so she starts to tell the story in front of her, her voice as soothing as a lullaby. Thor smirks, happy about the small battle he won, and eases back down, allowing himself to close his eyes and drift, enchanted by her voice. Time passes with only them in the intimacy of their little haven. Lost in the stories of different cultures, lost in time, their in-between.

Eventually, Loki finishes the story in a soft voice, hearing the not-so-soft snores coming from the thunderer. She chuckles to herself as she closes the book and gets up from her chair. Loki makes her way over to the door and closes it silently behind her.

"Oh, hey there," rings a voice behind her as she walks down the hallways. Loki whips her head around to come face-to-face with Tony, who flashes his trademark smirk at her.

"You are aware that it does not befit to sneak up behind people," she hisses sarcastically.

"You do that all the time," he snorts.

"Because it befits my character," she grins back at him. "So... what brings you here?"

"I actually own that place, first of all," Tony scolds playfully. "And second, I wanted to see how you guys are doing. We barely got to see you ever since... Gorr tried to make earth his personal butchery."

"Well, if you wish to see Thor, I suggest you go in some time later the day. He is asleep now. And only the Gods know how much it takes for that dull oaf to actually lie still for more than a few hours," she rolls her eyes. Tony tilts his head at the book still tugged under arm, before a huge smile spreads over his face, "Seriously? So that's what you're doing there all day long? Reading bedtime stories to Thor?"

"Are you jealous because I didn't read one to you?" Loki smirks, narrowing her eyes.

"Oh, yeah, totally," Tony snickers.

"Thought so," she huffs. "I shall come to you tonight to tuck you in and read it to you, Master Stark."

"I will take you up on that," Tony winks at her.

"I bet Lady Potts will be delighted," Loki snorts.

"So... Thor's sleeping it off. Then... how are you?" Tony asks, now actually with a hint of concern in his voice, especially once his eyes fall upon her still bruised throat.

"By far better than he is, though he likes to claim the opposite," she shrugs. "I just have to wait for my magic to return to me."

"But it does, right? I mean... from the sound of it...," Tony grimaces.

"I feel it coming back to me, there is no need to worry," she assures him. "I will be ready to battle soon again to earn my living."

"Hey, I don't mean it like that. I just know that you and magic belong together. It'd suck if you lost that because of... whatever it was that you did out on that battlefield," Tony puckers his lips. Loki glances at him, seeing the true care of a friend radiating within his eyes. Is Thor really right? Did she actually win? At moments such as these, it seems easy to believe, Loki has to admit. She won friends, even if they are all curious cases, but perhaps that is why she likes them. They are like her in that regard: not like any other, different, against all odds, yet... _caring._

"It will return soon," she smiles at him.

"Good," he smiles back at her.

"Good," she nods.

"So, what are your plans now? If you don't do reading hours with Thor?" Tony smirks.

"I'm in dear need of some fresh air," she smiles softly.

"Alright, well, then I won't disturb you further. Just make sure you pass by some time. It's getting kinda boring without your tricks and morbid humor," he pats her on the shoulder gently.

"I will remember that," she winks back at him. "I will see you later."

Tony nods before he heads his ways, as does she. Loki maneuvers to the next-best elevator and makes it to the roof, a place she bypassed ever since the day she tried to jump off, end her life, end this existence, the pain inside her chest, so hard, so cold, so dreading that it suffocated her. Loki didn't necessarily fear the height or the memories flooding back to her. It was more of a security net. To keep herself from doing what she started that very day, but failed to complete because of a friend's words, because of hope she dared to hold on to.

Loki closes the door behind her, a strong breeze catching her hair and blowing it in all directions of the wind at the same time. She blinks against the sunlight evading her eyes, dip-painting her emeralds a shade of gold. She steps over to the edge, to the spot where she once stood, absently running a hand across the rough surface, the coldness of the stone, the moist of yesterday's rain. The trickster takes a moment to close her eyes and concentrate on the sensation and what feelings it sparks within her. Loki is searching for dread and despair, of lightning striking behind her eyes to make her draw away from the surface, to break off contact and hence the hurtful memory of the life she almost ended that very day.

However, the dread won't come. So Loki climbs upon the edge and sits down, allowing her legs to dangle over the rim, dancing in the air. She glances down on the little spheres of color roaming along the busy streets. Loki smirks that she is high enough for the noises of the streets not to reach her ears. She just loves silence, which is probably one of the best explanations for her fancy of books and libraries. She loves the silent places, the words left unspoken, and that despite her title as the Silvertongue.

Loki tests the waters one last time and scoots a bit closer to the edge, not because she actually wants to jump, but because she wants to make sure – that she pulls back. And she does. Her body, once the fleeting feeling surges her that she is too close, that there is no ground beneath her to catch her, she moves back again, holds on firmly to the stone, and doesn't let go.

It's a sensation Loki knows she lacked in a long time, even before she stood on that roof to jump. Already at an early age, Loki lost this certain boundary, or rather, never had it. The trickster can still remember one incident when she was a boy and stood out on the balconies of Asgard's palace to glance down, much like she does at this very moment. Without hesitation, without even thinking, Loki had gotten atop the railing, sat down on the edge and leaned over as far as his arms allowed him to – and further. Not for a second, not for the briefest of moments did he fear to lose balance, fall down, die. No, he was actually more concerned that he didn't get to see what was below him as Frigga had caught sight of him and yanked him back over the rim with all her might. Loki just tilted his head curiously and asked what the fuss was about and why his mother cried – because, honestly, he didn't understand back then.

And it continued to be that way. Falling was a sensation Loki never feared, actually welcomed. Once he grew older, the God of Mischief concealed it behind the mask of trick and scheme, though.

One time, the group was on its way to a mission and had stopped halfway on the Bifröst – because of a heated argument between Volstagg and Fandral that almost escalated. The trickster just grew so incredibly tired of everyone trying to mediate when in truth all just joined the argument that he simply took a few well-measured steps back and jumped off the Bifröst, spread-eagle, with a smile on his face as he disappeared below the Rainbow Bridge. The expression on Thor's face had been priceless to the younger man back then. Once Loki came back up on one of his energy shields, he laughed so hard that tears involuntarily sprung to his eyes. Even if by the time he understood that people actually should feel afraid of height or the fall, to him... it never made sense. That moment always had something magical to Loki. It's just one moment in the entire fall, this very verge between standing and falling, once you know that the inevitable comes and that the abyss will claim you – and that is when you just _let go_. To Loki, that was the first and for a long time only taste of freedom he ever felt within him. And it was that kind of freedom he felt when the Bifröst collapsed after his scheme and he just... let go, again. That was a moment in which he heard the deep bell, and then... nothing. Silence. And that was perhaps what fascinated him the most about falling all along.

A fall is silent, if you let it happen. Everything around you just blurs into stripes of color, threads that extend into eternity to mesh into white and black. Sound is so far distorted that your breath rings above it. You don't think. You dare to exhale. Everything just leaves you, hits the ground long before you do.

Yet, Loki sees it differently now. In the retrospective, this feeling of freedom was a wrong sensation, for ultimately, the fall never brought her the freedom she sought. When the God of Mischief was on that balcony and Frigga pulled him back, he was caught up in his mother's tears and had from this day on for the longest time people watching him, Thor and Odin included, to make sure he doesn't do such a reckless thing again, after all... Loki _really_ wanted to.

When he did that to scare Thor and the others out of their minds at an older age, out on the Bifröst, he was caught up in the anger and forced silence that Thor treated him with as his only way to punish him for the scare he gave the older brother. It took Thor almost a month until he came to Loki's room and admitted that he was just so angry at the trickster because Thor had been so utterly afraid that Loki fell... and wouldn't resurface. And that Loki's laughter had made it ever the harder for him – because Thor didn't find it funny in the least, no, he had been in terror, or so he told Loki. And that was when actually dread started to pull at the God of Mischief – and dread cannot be freedom, can it?

And then, much later, when Loki fell into the abyss beneath the Bifröst, he ended up with the Chitauri. And to say the least... it was just another prison, stuck in another realm, to the feet of those awful monsters in the hope that they bring him his ticket out of this place. So truly, when Loki fell, it never brought about anything good, and never meant freedom. Now she knows that the lie behind this surge of freedom was that Loki completely ignored that there was something worth holding on to, just those people who held their hands out to the trickster – and didn't want Loki to fall.

And now? Now, for the first time since Loki can recall, she finds herself finally, _finally_ pulling back, pulling away from the edge. Not out of fear, but simply because there is more pulling her towards solid ground than to the unknown abyss. And isn't that actually proof for what Thor promised her? That there is now something she may dare to hold on to – because it is hers now? Loki silently smiles to herself, allowing the strong breeze to embrace her and the stone wall beneath her to claim her, make her stay – and keep her from falling.

* * *

A while later, she hears her pager buzz. Loki quickly takes it out to glance at the screen, a message generated by JARVIS: _Mr. Thor wants to see you, immediately_. Loki grimaces as she quickly gets up and makes her way to the elevator. If it were something medical, Bruce would have informed her, not Thor himself. This is simply making no sense to her, which only makes her worry rise... _worry,_ still sounding ironic coming from her at some point, so Loki can't help but think for a second.

Once the door of the elevator opens, Loki strides over to the sickbay to where Thor's room is. She gets inside, just to find the thunderer pacing, nervously shaking and pulling at the hair close to his scalp. Loki barely saw him that distressed, if ever.

As he hears the door open, Thor turns around, his eyes are immediately on hers, "Loki."

"... what's the matter here?" Loki grimaces, staying in her spot close to the door, unsure what to make of it.

"I woke up and then you were... I couldn't find you. I didn't know where you were," he blinks, starting to pace again.

"... you were asleep, so I took off for a while," she grimaces, daring come a bit closer.

"To where?" he demands, his blue eyes suddenly shimmering with a hint of anger, but that fury falters as soon as it travels past his eyes. He bows his head and holds on to his scalp more painfully.

"Where were you?" he asks again, softer now.

"I was outside. I needed some fresh air," Loki says. "I was out on the roof."

"What?!" he turns to her, now dread in his eyes. "Please don't tell me that you..."

"No, no, no. I just wanted some fresh air. I didn't want to jump," she assures him quickly, noting that it sounds much odder once you spell it out.

"Then why didn't you just go for a walk?" he demands once again.

"... because my wounds aren't healed yet and I look like a victim of violence who got choked out?" Loki grimaces uncertainly.

"I couldn't find you," Thor growls again. Loki blinks at him as he continues to pace. She tilts her head as she dares to move closer by a few feet – and that is when realization dawns on her.

"Oh... I have to apologize," Loki sighs.

"For what?" he frowns at her.

"I'm the one who causes your... bad disposition," Loki shrugs.

"What? Why?" Thor grimaces at her. "I don't even know what that is. Now you are here and I shouldn't be upset, yet I am. My entire body, it's..."

"Sit back down, then I explain it all to you, c'mon," Loki ushers him. Thor goes with it, the confusion still winning over him. Loki takes the chair and pulls it up close to his bed.

"So what now?" Thor demands nervously.

"You tell me, you're calmer now, aren't you?" Loki flashes a soft smile at him. Thor takes a moment to focus, and in fact the crawling of his skin subsided a bit.

"Yes," Thor frowns. "But how so? What is this?"

"It is my bad. I didn't think that this might be a side-effect," Loki bites her lower lip.

"Side-effect?" he blinks at her. "From the spell?"

"Yes. The thing is that... your soul is still restoring itself. You were far gone, Thor," Loki says, her voice dying out towards the end. The thought still didn't leave her. Even if Loki is actually more open about the end of her own life, at least it was for the longest of times, it's dreading her that Thor was that far away, stood on that very cliff.

"It took a lot of energy out of your soul to crawl back over that edge. The hole inside your soul was deep and gaping... I lent you the energy needed to fill this space, so that you may have enough to manage the jump back, but... your soul is seemingly still seeking my soul, to rejuvenate," she explains, her voice almost humming.

"... does that mean that you have to stay within my close periphery from this day on?" he grimaces.

"No, it is only until you are healed again. That will be in a few days time, I assure you. Or else I would have to kill you anyway... I wouldn't want you to cling at my coat-tails for all eternities. That would be too humiliating for the both of us," she snorts playfully.

"I wouldn't fancy that either," Thor admits with a smirk. "It would become increasingly difficult in battle."

Loki smiles at him with a bit uncertainty tainting her features as she stretches out her hand and takes his palm into hers. Thor blinks at her. Even if they are now clearer about their feelings, Loki actually kept a slight distance, other than staying in the room with him for most of the time. As Thor figures, it's Loki's way of keeping up a bit of control – over him. Yet, that is not really new to the thunderer. Loki has been like that since early childhood. Somehow, the trickster always seeks power, even for the little things in life. Yet, to suddenly have her clutching his hand comes as a surprise to him.

"It gets easier with physical contact," she shrugs, and in fact, Thor can feel the tension fleeting from his body with every breath he takes. It gets easier. His mind starts to focus again.

"I don't even know what this is. I was fine before," Thor grimaces, feeling utterly ridiculous.

"Because I spent most of my time here with you, if not next door to sleep. I suppose that the roof was a bit too far away, and that is why you suffer such a... strong reaction now," she explains, before she adds almost apologetically, "I honestly didn't know that, though. I read in that old book that there might be some side-effects, but I never thought that they'd be... like _this."_

"Perhaps that is why Mother also forbade you this spell. As children we were inseparable anyways. Now just imagine if we had been bound like this thanks to a chant," Thor chuckles softly.

"She would have gone insane, that much is for certain," she agrees.

"My hands just won't stop shaking," Thor winces. He never had that, never felt like this before. Generally, his hands never shook. Thor was always certain of every move he made. His body never failed him. His mind, his heart – more often than he'd like to admit, but his body, no. If everything else wavered, his hands were still steady as they gripped Mjölnir. But now? Now his hands are shaking – and it just won't stop.

"Just calm down. Call it to your mind, I'm not gone. I'm here, focus on that," Loki says in a soothing voice, and Thor honestly tries to concentrate on Loki's voice in his ears and the fleeting warmth creeping through her fingertips. The thunderer feels utterly ridiculous. To be that much in need of proximity is even new to him. Of course Thor always felt a strong urge to be around Loki. After what they admitted to each other, it is obvious why that is so, but it's different now. His skin feels as though it's on fire, and that fire is made of ice. So cold that it burns hot again. His muscles move on their own. Thor feels detached of his body, while at the same time caught up within it.

Loki glances at Thor's hands which still involuntarily flex. Mother did well at warning them of that chant – it has more side-effects than Loki had estimated, to be perfectly honest. She doesn't want him hurting – and Thor looks like he is hurting at this, even if not physically, feeling real pain, but she can feel this dread within him, the insecurity, two emotions that are all too familiar to her, but maybe not so familiar to Thor altogether. After all, the God of Thunder was practically born without insecurities about himself.

"Lie down," she instructs him after a few moments of silent contemplation. Thor grimaces at her, but then goes with it anyway. At this time, he finds his thoughts flee to unknown grounds anyway. His body took over, or rather, his needy soul – and it seeks its soulmate, as it seems, and that is Loki after all.

"And now scoot over," she says, keeping her face a straight line. Thor frowns even more at this, but Loki doesn't waver, so the thunderer moves over, fighting any urge not to yelp as she suddenly lets go of his hand. But that is when the trickster gets up from her chair, sits down on the rim of the bed and lies down next to him. She draws close enough for their lower legs to touch and her breath to meet his throat.

"Is it better now?" she asks in a mixture of annoyance and softness. Thor can't help but smile as he replies, "Oh, by _far_ better."

"You shouldn't get too used to it. I only do that because I take my responsibility as a sorceress very seriously," she smirks.

"Responsibility as a sorceress, how do I understand that?" Thor chuckles softly.

"If you cast a spell, you have to live and deal with its consequences. I cast the spell... I deal with it," Loki shrugs, which makes a few of her raven curls fall over her shoulders.

"So you are merely taking responsibility of a chant gone wrong," Thor grins. "That is... _depressing."_

"You know what they say... you have to take what you get, Thor," Loki scolds playfully, though her voice grows softer with every word traveling past her lips, her breath evening out. Perhaps it's still the aftermath of the fight, her tiredness, or the exhaustion of the spell, but to Loki, the reason is actually embedded into faint childhood memories of shared beds when either one just crept into the other one's room after a nightmare, or simply not to be alone... and then the memory of the night she spent as Maya, where they lied in bed just like this after the act, on the verge of falling asleep, held hands and looked each other in the eye, so that they may be the last thing they see before the blissful silence of the night claimed them.

And as if Thor actually sensed what went through her mind – or felt the same, he grabs her hand, just the way they did that night. Though it's not night, but sunset and it's not dark, but a warm shade of orange, this kind of orange that creeps all the way beneath your skin, leaving nothing but warmth behind. The same kind of silence, tranquility, the same kind of intimacy. This room without walls that allows no sound to come inside, engulfing them, stealing time for them. Yet, it's not the same - because it's not Maya, it's her, Loki. Thor is holding her hand, and she is holding his, and there is nothing between them. For a moment, it's just them as they allow to drift off into sleep, getting lost in the feeling of being found within the other.

And their hands don't let go.


	29. Finding New Ways

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor is released from the sickbay. 
> 
> Loki is forced to her boundaries once more.
> 
> But with a little help from Thor, she might be able to find new ways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the kudos and the kind comments by misschief_managed ;)

In the aftermath of Gorr's wrath and the Norse Gods' decision, Thor was, finally, released from the sickbay a few days ago, now fully back to health. Same is true for Loki. And both are finally able to part again without Thor's skin crawling to the point of madness, something both actually shared mixed feeling about. It was a great relief to finally have the freedom to stroll around independently, without the fear that someone may end up hurt, though this fear actually stood on no ground.

However, there was a certain kind of magic, actually, in the proximity they were forced to share. Literally so, it brought them closer together, after what felt like eons of time and thousands of miles between them, even when they used to be face to face, rekindling, repairing the bond once ruptured, which left both with stumps of broken cords, broken bonds, in their chests. The sickbay provided them with what felt like a protective womb, engulfing them in orange light and warmth, shutting out all sound and noise, all troubles and sorrows, the dark shadows of the past and the foreboding that lies in the unknown future beyond.

And faced with their rebirth out of that protective womb, both honestly felt a pull of dread inside of them – to leave this cosmos that only contained them. Especially Loki had to admit to herself that she felt quite uneasy of leaving this oh so perfect state of in-between, but perhaps, or so she figured, it was merely the aftermath of what happened the night she spent as Maya. Back then she also dared to be born inside a protective womb of tender feelings and love – and a part of her still remembered how forcefully she was ripped out of it by dusk. Even if she knew it wouldn't happen that way ever again, there was this fear within her that stepping out of this comfort zone would mean that they would lose the magic that held them together this way. Some scars simply fade, but don't fade away.

However, once she passed the threshold, Loki didn't feel this sensation so deeply engrained into her being – because Thor, the dull yet adorably dull oaf he is, grasped her hand. Not long, only briefly, merely a brush of the fingertips, no more. After all, Loki told him quite sternly that he would do better not to do so in public. Not because she fears to be uncovered by the Avengers, for they obviously know already, and did long since before the Norse Gods decided to have the decisive conversation. No, it's quite simply that Loki wasn't and possibly won't ever be the person who is "lovey-dovey". She doesn't want others involved in her matters of heart, and with whom she shares whatever tender emotions or touches. Even if she is what Tony calls a "Drama Queen", long before she turned to her female shape, Loki actually enjoys the silence and cloak of secret looming around her and her heart. It protected the trickster of the evils the world tossed at her over the past eons. Some feelings are just easy to give away – anger, resent, even sadness, but love and tenderness was something Loki had to regard as a weak spot for a long time, since it marked more than one downfall for the God of Mischief. A lesson learned for the trickster was thus to keep her heart a secluded place, only open to those she allowed inside, only those she knew she could trust not to tear it down again.

However, at this brief instant of proximity, it actually helped her to step outside, leave the protective womb and allow Thor's absolute faithfulness to claim her for once also. He said he believes in them, and Loki dares to hope also.

* * *

That was a few days back. Currently, Loki is sitting cross-legged in one of the test rooms, a massive cube of metal in front of her. She puckers her lips angrily, narrowing her eyes at the object, soft but hissed curses dribbling from of her mouth. She holds both her hands out again, closing her eyes to better concentrate. Green light engulfs her palms but other than that, nothing happens. Loki lets out a grunt and starts to angrily pace around. Curses die on her tongue once again. Her raven hair seems as though electrocuted by a surge of energy flooding through her.

"Loki?" Thor's voice rings from the entrance as he steps inside, obviously testing the waters, since his steps are actually a bit hesitant.

"What is it?" she hisses as she whips her head around, but then sucks in a deep breath to calm down. It's not his fault after all. "What is it?" the trickster repeats another time, now more calmly.

"Nothing... but what are you doing with that cube of metal?" Thor frowns, knitting his eyebrows at her.

"Ah, it's stupid. No, it's actually nothing at all," she grimaces. "And you would probably do better to just leave me be in my madness. I fear I won't be good company at this point."

"Just say what it is," Thor argues sternly, though in a soft voice.

"It's absolutely pathetic. I don't even know why I do it. After all, it's something I long since knew," she shakes her head.

"Loki, talk to me, don't always shut me out about the troubles that burden your heart. We had that before, and you know where that used to lead us," Thor argues, now more seriously. Loki looks at him, but then shrugs her shoulders – she knows he is right, though she doesn't like it.

"I tried to move it," she exhales, nodding at the cube.

"If you want me to, I can lift it," Thor grimaces, but Loki holds up her hands, "No, no, no! That would be even worse!"

"Then what is the matter with you?" Thor frowns.

"The matter is that I can't lift it with my magic," she breaks out. "And you know that I used to."

"Yeah," Thor exhales. He can still recall how Loki once moved an entire ship out of harm's way as it crashed down from the sky.

"I just realized once again that I'm limited, thanks to the Allfather. And to say it in Stark's words – that sucks," she grumbles, kicking against the cube to send it flying backwards almost effortlessly.

"But you can still move it," Thor jokes weakly. He knows how much magic means to Loki, always did. It was what made the trickster stand out, what he could always shine with, because it was something none of the others could do the way he did. For someone who always had to rely on himself and who actually took pleasure in defying any social norm whatsoever, it stands to reason that the God of Mischief sought strengths inherently his. And to be without... at some point Thor was honestly asking himself why Loki didn't seem so upset when he came to stay with the Avengers for the first time, deprived of this kind of magic. However, that is seemingly coming to light now.

"I mean, it's not like I don't know that this is the state of affairs," Loki exhales, her chest heaving, "and it mostly doesn't waver me as much anymore because I found new magic to fetch from. And because I always knew it stood to reason that Odin took certain abilities from me, such as the traveling of the realms. Or else my banishment never would have been a banishment outside the dungeons. However, now that my powers are returning to me after the spell... they seem so little again."

And more than anything, Loki still hates it to be little, small, because her magic used to be her protective shield, what covered up for other shortcomings sadly hers also. The realization that the Allfather compromised even that shield, this last bastion between her and the threatening outside world, hurts her more than Loki would like to admit.

"You're still a strong sorceress," Thor argues. "And a good fighter."

"And this particular power is not too bad to lose, in battle, for I actually bear the physical strength on earth to cover up for that, but...," she bites her lower lip, "but I hate it to realize that the Allfather took this particular kind of magic from me. Losing the freedom of travel was one thing, this is another."

"How?" Thor questions. He always thought that the punishment of being stuck in one place would mark a greater curse for Loki, not the act of being unable to lift heavy things.

"You know that such a magic was actually not inherent to me," Loki explains. Thor nods silently.

"I'm born a shapeshifter. That I gathered Aesir magic is thanks to Mother's doing. And the one that reaches beyond stems from traveling the realms and gathering it," Loki exhales, her voice almost humming at the memories of voyage. "What makes me angry, still, is that what Odin took from me was not merely the traveling. He took something from me that I gathered and learned by myself, _for_ myself. I spent years of time to refine my skills, to cover up for my otherwise weaker body. I mean... I'm not _weak_ , obviously, but I was always more of the intellectual person than the man of muscles."

"True," Thor smirks.

"Well... not that this was very difficult when in comparison to your friends... I mean... Fandral, women, Volstagg, food, and the rest of you, fight... it's not like there was much else on your mind," Loki shrugs mischievously. Thor chuckles.

"However, with this kind of magic... it was mine, and mine alone. A part of me dreads that he took a part of my life away, of the person I am. This is also what defines me, not just the matters of transport," Loki admits.

"If you want me to, I can still talk to Father if he...," Thor wants to say, but Loki quickly interrupts him, "I will personally behead you if you dare do that."

"But wouldn't it be...," Thor means to argue, but Loki is having none of it, "I will not discuss that with you. You will not, ever, ask Odin for any so such favor!"

"Yes, yes, if that's your wish," Thor holds up his hands defensively.

"It is," she snarls. "It's enough to be that pathetically weak. I will not give him that satisfaction also, never again."

Thor can't help but smirk, which is why he bows his head lightly. He can still recall how Loki insisted that she lost the will to fight, but here she stands, and she is finally back to herself, a bit more, that is. Loki is having that flicker in her eyes again, something Thor believed had died, and a part of him was honestly sad that this was on the verge of happening. However, to see her now, trying again, to find back to herself, it makes him honestly happy. He wants Loki to be Loki again, safe for trying to take over the world, but Thor has a quite simple philosophy, at least he found back to it by now: You have to love your loved ones for who they are, and that includes who they were and who they will be.

"Can't you fetch it again?" Thor asks hesitantly. "If it is such a matter of heart to you?"

"Sadly no. I tried for the past time I spent here on Midgard. There are limits to my magic now, limits that weren't there before, limits... I can't undo," she grits her teeth, before she mutters under her breath, "I curse you, Odin."

"I'm sorry for that," Thor grimaces. Perhaps it's something that will always stand between them. They can forgive each other for their mistakes and wrongdoings, but whatever Odin does or did, it's something Thor can't undo, and something Loki will possibly always resent the Allfather for, and thus partly him also. Sometimes, blood truly is a curse.

"It's not your fault that your father is seemingly a blithering fool... after all, who am I to talk? My father tried to kill your father, and you, and me... and everyone...," she rolls her eyes, flashing a soft smile. "Blood feuds are tiring business."

"Truly," Thor agrees.

"Perhaps I should start to engage in the old arts of Voodoo," Loki mutters, causing Thor to smile again.

"Although I don't find this kind of magic too intriguing. I never was a doll's person," Loki wrinkles her nose at the thought.

"No, you most certainly weren't. I still remember what Mother used to say what you did with whatever toy resembling an animal or Aesir or monster that you got into your hands, already as a toddler," Thor chuckles softly at the memory.

"I ripped their heads off," Loki shrugs nonchalantly. "Later on I learned to use my magic. That was much more fun – and served actually a purpose because I could refine my skills."

"Mother was very much concerned because of the morbidity of the action. You even had a small graveyard for them," Thor smirks.

"She kept giving me new ones. What was I supposed to do?" Loki argues with a smile. She can still remember how Frigga would try again and again to convince the small boy to play with these toys, but Loki just took them, glanced at them for a few seconds, and then did with them whatever came to his wicked mind. It was not really aggression, at least the trickster doesn't think so, but it was rather the feeling that these stuffed figures were means to belittle him, something Loki utterly disliked.

The God of Mischief glances at the cube again, letting out a weary sigh. Loki knows it shouldn't burden her anymore, not if she dares to believe in what Thor told her, about how she won. Why is she still complaining about missing capabilities when she was fine without? Just why do her airways constrict at the sight of this cube, as though it actually bore some power over her. It's a cube of massive metal after all!

"Well, if you can't fetch it somehow... Can't you simply _relearn_ it?" Thor asks, his voice soft.

"I tried to actually relearn it ever since stranded on Midgard. This magic won't return to me. I suppose that Odin wanted to make sure that I may never cause havoc on Midgard the way I did before... though I don't see what I would do with this particular magic... other than moving some buildings around, perhaps... Or it's his personal vendetta... maybe both. Thinking about it, most possibly both," Loki grimaces. She knows that Odin hates her, how couldn't he, right? A son who denies his father love? Who denies him tenderness ever since the secrets uncovered? A son who only has scorn for him? And anger? Who killed his own father, and almost to kill his adoptive father also? How would you bear tender feelings for such a person, and now in the shape of what the father called a _whore_ behind closed curtains?

"It won't return to me, seemingly," Loki exhales. "At least not on my own. With the amplifiers, yes, but... not by myself. And you know that I hate it to be dependent that way."

"Indeed," Thor nods. "But you already gathered other magic, right? Maybe it just takes a bit more time for you to uncover the secret?"

"The problem is that magic on Midgard is very... _rudimentary._ Whatever I could gather, I gathered, but other than that, no. And here comes the problem that Odin banned my traveling. I can't go around and seek new masters or new spells," she exhales, the corner of her mouth twitching involuntarily. Thor steps up to her to stand only inches from her back, not close enough for them to touch, but enough for her to feel his warm breath brushing over her scalp.

"Maybe you just have to look at it differently," Thor shrugs.

"What now?" Loki grimaces, her eyes fixed on the block in front of her, arms crossed over her chest.

"Well. You remember that I was not always as proficient in wielding Mjölnir," Thor smirks.

"At first you could hardly lift the hammer," Loki snickers at the memory of how pathetically Thor tried again and again to lift the hammer. Once he finally managed to, he would often end up falling back when trying to swing it, though, which always made Loki laugh so hard that he almost toppled over.

"Well, at first I thought I just had to train my muscles to finally manage," Thor explains, "but then I realized that it wasn't just physical strength that would allow me the mastery."

"What? You actually used your brain for once?" Loki huffs.

"In fact. It's just that I realized that I was focusing on mastering it when I should have focused on simply lifting it, and then on swinging it, and so on," Thor shrugs.

"Step by step," Loki nods.

"I know it must be hard to start with those little tasks again, when you already learned how to move even bigger and heavier things," Thor grimaces sympathetically, "but if you actually want to learn it again, get it back... maybe that is a way to."

"Well, maybe not the way you think entirely," Loki says, her mind obviously working on solutions already. "though the main idea is actually good, I'm bound to admit."

"Then why would you have to do it differently?" Thor asks curiously.

"Because Odin blocked certain abilities of mine. I cannot fetch them again, no matter how hard I try. It's as though a part inside my mind is jammed, just like someone who can't move a limb because of a disease of the brain. And I cannot move around that circumstance, but maybe if I do what you say... and try step by step... then I may find where it falters. Because I can lift things with the mind. It's just that once they get too heavy, I can't anymore. Once I know that point where I fail, I may be able to move past it, move around it, build a new bridge so I may move that limb again... that may actually work."

"Does that mean I actually gave you an advice, though I'm the man of muscles?" Thor chuckles.

"Oh, curb your enthusiasm, God of Thunder," Loki scolds. "Even a blind hen sometimes finds a grain of corn."

Thor takes the opportunity to grasp her loosely around the waist. She rolls her eyes, but doesn't brush him off. They stay like that for a while, finding comfort in the warmth of the embrace and the sudden flash of hope that is now reflected in the gray of the metal cube in front of them.

"Though I am curious, when do you plan to go back to Asgard?" Loki asks, her voice humming, her eyes fixed on the cube ahead of her.

"What? I don't have any plans," Thor knits his eyebrows at her, rather confused. "Why?"

"Just curiosity. I mean, I still think it's a miracle that you didn't have the Warrior Three, the Lady Sif, Mother, and the Allfather himself standing at your bedside," Loki snorts. "After all, their Golden Prince of Asgard and successor to the throne was critically wounded."

"They don't know about that," Thor shrugs.

"What? Don't you have to report all the while?" Loki grimaces. At least that is what he told her – and that was most certainly one of the functions of his visits on Aesir grounds up to this point.

"I didn't in a longer time," Thor admits.

"Really?" Loki frowns. "I thought that the only way you wouldn't report would be injury. Which was the state of affairs of late, but not for the last couple of days."

"I just did not feel like it," Thor shrugs. Loki turns around abruptly, narrowing her eyes at him suspiciously, "You have a reason other than not _feeling_ like it. So spill already."

"I assure you that I just...," Thor means to say, but Loki is having none of it, "Thor Odinson. You should know better than to lie to me. You're still talking to the God of Mischief. You hardly manage to lie to me at all, so don't even try. What did the Allfather or whoever else say or do so that you feel the urge to persistently stay not only on Midgard, but also aloof in terms of your reports?"

"Father is in a bad disposition as of late," Thor sighs. "And he digs too deep into what is my business."

"... he's asked about what is going on in Midgard?" Loki asks.

"Yes," Thor nods.

"And so he asked about my actions, too," Loki concludes.

"Yes," Thor sighs, now almost sadly.

"What did he say?" Loki demands, her face a straight line.

"Nothing against you, I assure you," Thor says quickly. "It's just that the last time... I told him how great you do here, and how much you do for the people."

"Let me guess," Loki sighs heavily. "He didn't want to hear it."

"Sadly no," Thor grimaces. "And that made me very angry. Which is why I kept a distance to Asgard for a while."

"You're a dull oaf after all, Thor. You shouldn't try to be at strife with the Allfather. That can backfire on you," Loki lectures him.

"He is my Father. As such, I can tell him openly if I think he is wrong," Thor argues, which makes Loki laugh out loudly, "Oh, good, good, too easy-believing Thor. You have to understand that Odin will always be two men at once: the man who is your Father, but also the Father of All. He is the current King of Asgard. If you talk to him now, you talk to him not only as his son, but also as his successor, the one to take over once Odinsleep has claimed him. Since a long time you don't talk solely privately anymore. This is looming above your heads in centuries already."

"I still think it was the better choice to keep a distance. That didn't anger him the way it would have if I had taken the opportunity of argument," Thor shakes his head.

"That is of course true, but you would probably do better to just keep from him your discontent and curse at him in silence. I actually went well with that for quite some time," she argues.

"But only for a _given_ time," Thor argues. "And it pained you, remember?"

"Not as much as other things," Loki shrugs.

"Well, I will not keep silent," Thor states sternly.

"Brave you are," Loki chuckles softly. "And foolish also."

"I thought you don't want Odin to know what is going on here," Thor grimaces.

"And I most certainly don't," Loki agrees. "However, you have to keep in mind that I am at his mercy, still, whether I like it. So if he knew that we are now on 'good' terms on a higher level than perhaps adequate _colleagueship_... I don't know how he'd like that anyway. So you do better to keep close to him to make sure he does not catch sight of what is below the clouds he peeks through from his mighty throne in Asgard."

"You think Father would do that?" he grimaces.

"You think he wouldn't?" she returns. And at some point Thor doesn't know. His father turns away the moment the thunderer mentions Loki's name and wishes not to discuss the matter, unless the trickster did something to earth. Frigga asks about Loki constantly, yes, but Odin? No. Perhaps the fury he still feels at Loki's actions is overpowering him so much when he hears that name rolling from someone's lips that he just has to shut down, shut away his feelings. And Thor would like to reassure Loki that the Allfather does not think like that, feel such anger, does not act like that and turn away not only from the name but from the God of Mischief also. Yet, it's as she says – Thor can hardly lie to her. Loki knows.

"So if I were you, I'd go to see him soon," she shrugs, purposely adopting a lighter tune. She doesn't want Thor to burden himself with his father's heavy heart. After all, it's seemingly heavy thanks to _her_ wrongdoings. Loki knows how deeply Thor cares about Odin and Frigga, all the same, they are his parents. It might be that she is no longer granted to be part of this, or to have such a bond of family, with either the Aesir or her true heritage born out of Laufey's blood, but Loki will not deny it her loved one, who is Thor after all. She knows how paining it is to fight the one person supposed to love you. She knows how much it hurts to no longer know him on your side. She doesn't wish that upon Thor. Loki wants to protect him from that with all her might. He doesn't deserve such dread. It would take his wonderfully cheerful and hopeful smile away from him. And Loki needs that smile to hold on to. It is what saved her before and what she dares to hope in now. If she lost that to Odin also, then that would truly mean she lost the fight.

"Then I guess I am about to go to Asgard soon, aren't I?" he sighs.

"I guess so," she shrugs.

"But not until a few days from now," he smirks. "After all, I am not yet fully recovered, right?"

He pulls her closer again.

"You are a fool, Thor, you know that, right?" she huffs playfully.

"A fool who's allowed to hold you in his arms," Thor snickers. He knows that Loki will always put up a fight – but that is what he loves her for after all. She doesn't give up, even if it is about the dominance in a partnership, or a cube she cannot move... _yet._ To his surprise, she actually leans into his embrace, leaning her cheek against his chest.

"What? Are you so sad at the prospect of me going back and leaving you here?" he asks with a soft smile. She rolls her eyes at him, "As if."

"Then why do you look so sad all of a sudden?" Thor questions, now more seriously.

"I'm not sad, you dull oaf, just... pensive," she exhales.

"About Odin?" he asks.

"Odin, the world... you know me. I always try to think of everything at once," Loki sighs. However, a much darker shadow is pulling at her now, with long claws, a black ragged cloak and fiery eyes – one she didn't know existed until her thoughts danced along the edges of their current conversation. It is something Loki didn't dare to think about before, but now it's playing over inside her head again, like a song repeated so many times that one involuntarily cringes even years later at the first tone. Those words, effortlessly thrown at her eons ago are now back inside her head. And the obscure picture of how they were said and who uttered them. Now they are back inside her mind and brush away the comfort Loki gathered around herself, pulls the covers from her body, leaving her naked once again.

What is when the Aesir learn about them?

Loki holds on to Thor a little more firmly, trying to absorb his warmth into her, against the cold spreading around her chest at the mere thought and memory coming along with it. She has a very bad feeling all of a sudden. It happened before. Will it again? Yet, she holds on to that warmth of care and love she finds in Thor's strong arms. She doesn't want to let go, not now. Loki just grasped it again. So, for now, she ushers all those dark and obscure thoughts far, far away into the corners of her mind, so far that the echo doesn't reach her ears anymore. And as though Thor knew of the dread making her heart sink, holds on tighter, resting his chin atop her head, softly rocking her from left to right, sharing his warmth and hope with her.

And once more, it's just them, but now Loki realizes that from this point on, they are truly without the protective womb engulfing them. They are now born into this world, but will they clear their lungs to let out the first scream and thus the first breath?

Or will they turn blue and go down without this protection?

For now, Loki holds on to the former. She holds on to Thor.

Trouble can wait until later.


	30. Truce Is Not Enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki wants to take matters into her own hands...
> 
> Even if that means recruiting Tony for it. 
> 
> Toasters play a role at some point. 
> 
> Loki and Thor have a training session.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking around!!!
> 
> As a fair warning – I know nothing about physics, mechanics, or science above High School level, if at all (not my favorite subjects). So the account I make here on this field of study is perfectly made up – I have no clue how that works. I just figure that Loki with her magic can actually do more things than could be estimated. I want to underline that when I wrote this story, I hadn't seen Thor: The Dark Word, so I didn't know about how actual film-Loki traveled the realms. So this is obviously AU again, just so that we are all on the same page ;) So I apologize for these errors in advance, but I hope you see past them for the sake of the plot ^_^
> 
> As always, I hope you'll like it.

Tony is walking around his lab, humming _Black Sabbath_ tunes, while at the same time working on a small electronic panel. He just always needs something to do or else he goes crazy... or craz _ier_ , according to the rest of the Avengers, not that he listens, though. Tony goes over to one of the tables to grab a new instrument for the fine-tuning when the door opens with a swooshing sound. He turns around, smirking at the sight, "Now look who's crawled out of her cave again."

Loki smirks at him softly as she walks up to the brunet man, "I actually expected to find the lab in ruins, after you had to take care of it all by yourself."

"Don't get cocky, my little Empress. I invented and built things long before you bumped... into earth," Tony scolds her mockingly, to which she replies with a mischievous smile, "And you should know that I invented and built things long since before your mother and father decided to conceive you."

"... don't remind me of that," Tony makes a face. "I don't want to picture... that... my parents, ugh."

"So? What are you up to?" she asks, folding her hands behind her back.

"Other than being amazing, you mean?" Tony smirks. "Nothing much. I just did some fine-tuning on the amplifiers and some other weapons, the usual troubles of a genius."

"Aw, so you missed me after all," she snickers.

"Well, you made yourself rare over the last couple of days," Tony shrugs. "You and Thor, that is..."

He wiggles his eyebrows at her. Loki rolls her eyes, snipping her middle finger against his forehead, which makes Tony cry out, "Ouch!"

"You should know that it does not befit to ask someone about such private matter," she scolds him. "Now you will always remember that pain when you think of it – and most likely leave it."

"You are violent," Tony whines playfully.

"I'm not violent, I'm just... still eager to teach you some common sense," she shrugs. "And it's not like it's a grand secret anymore, is it? About Thor and I..."

"Not really. We had bets going on," Tony says, but then bites his tongue... bad moment to admit that. He already means to cringe away, but Loki just tilts her head at him, "Who won?"

"... Coulson," Tony grimaces.

"Well, then I think it's good. I caused him some trouble before, so if he has gain from our hearts' affairs... only the better," she shrugs nonchalantly.

"So generous," Tony chuckles softly. Loki walks around him to glance at the objects on the tables.

"Anything you like, Princess?" Tony snickers.

"Not really," she sticks out her tongue.

"So? What brings you here?" Tony asks. "Don't you want to hang around with Thor or Bruce?"

"Oh, did I hurt your feelings by not paying enough attention to you?" Loki huffs. "I'm so sorry."

"Yeah, totally," Tony snorts. "But now seriously. Any certain reason that brings you here?"

"Hm, hm, in fact. I need your... and I can't believe I'm saying this... _expertise_ ," she grimaces, as though the words were choking her. Tony's grin broadens to the point that Loki's corners of the mouth involuntarily twitch – that must hurt, no?

"What can I do for you, my dearest Empress?" Tony smiles at her.

"A counseling. I have something new in mind," Loki shrugs, running her long fingers over the surface of the table absently. "Two things, actually."

"Go ahead. Your last idea rocked," Tony nods, folding his arms over his chest.

"Well, since the spell took my energy from me for a given time... I had to ask myself once again about what to do with my powers," she explains, her voice a soft humming. "I had to realize that I stayed still when it comes to my magic. I made no attempt to enlarge it."

"We have the amplifiers," Tony argues.

"I mean the powers inherent to me. After all, those machines merely cover up for something our bodies don't manage, no?" she argues in a soft voice.

"True," Tony nods.

"So you see, as much as I appreciate it that we have them now to our aid... technical difficulties are still an issue, and will possibly always be," she goes on.

"With you on that one," Tony agrees.

"Well, since I start to relearn and adhere new magic from now on, or so the plan... I couldn't help but think about other ways to aid the team," Loki explains.

"I guess I'm already looking forward to this," Tony winks at her.

"Well, as you may remember, Odin banned certain abilities of mine, which include interdimensional travel whatever the form," the trickster goes on to say, to which Tony nods his head, "Yeah, sure."

"Yet, I still inherit the ability to travel short distances on earth in the blink of an eye," Loki shrugs.

"It's still creepy when you pop in out of nowhere," Tony grimaces. He always knew Loki was a sneaky thing, but he still jumps when he turns around, thinking nothing, and then she is already standing there, beaming at him viciously. When Loki came to stay with them in the first place, she actually did that once when he was about to fall asleep, just staring at him from the side of the bed, hiding in the shadows – though she never admitted it. Tony knows he saw those flashing green eyes staring at him, he swears.

"Well, I was thinking about how long it takes us at times to reach a battleground once it's no longer within the neighborhood," Loki goes on to explain, "And it costs valuable time that we waste... on matters of transportation."

"True, even if we have those badass ships and planes... it's not the fastest way at times," Tony has to agree. He is faster with the Iron Man suit most of the time anyways, but not all are rewarded with absolute awesomeness.

"Well, maybe we can make it possible for us to travel around the earth in a shorter amount of time by applying what I know of interdimensional travel, just that this would be intradimensional travel, accordingly," Loki goes on.

"And you think that's possible?" Tony grimaces. "I mean, even if they sound similar, inter- and intradimensional travel are not the same."

"In their more basic patterns they surely are," Loki argues. "Didn't already your Einstein postulate such theorem?"

"You mean more like a Einstein-Rosen-Bridge and thus fold space," Tony nods, getting the idea – and liking it.

"That is the main idea," Loki shrugs.

"But no one could actually build a machine or whatever that would allow for such travel," Tony argues. "And I wouldn't know how either."

"Well, the way I see it, we just have to find out what I do to fold space – because I honestly don't know what that is," Loki says.

"So we would run some tests to maybe figure out how you manage to do the intradimensional jump, or rather find the moment you do it, and work from there. From that we may derive the general principle of how to fold space. And then we'd just have to build a machine that actually does what you do, for all of us to use, and not die," Tony grimaces mindfully. "Yeah, no, that sounds like a piece of cake."

"Right?" she smirks softly.

"... but there is something else behind that, and not just that you don't fancy the long travels," Tony grimaces, now with surprising severity in his voice.

"What? don't you agree that this is something very valuable for the team if put into practice?" Loki argues, but Tony is having none of it, "Little Empress, it might be that you are the God of Lies or whatever, but I know a concerned face when I see one."

"I liked you much better when you didn't question such things," Loki narrows her eyes at him.

"What's the matter with you, huh? I mean... you're back to health, magic's back as far as that's possible, and you and Thor are... you and Thor. Whatever that is that you have, and I don't want any details either. Yet, here you stand and you look at me like world's about to explode tomorrow," Tony grimaces. "Is the world about to explode tomorrow?!"

"A sense of foreboding, no more," Loki eventually admits, her voice no more than a whisper.

"Foreboding?" Tony knits his eyebrows.

"Call it an air of madness, but I just have a feeling that something bad is looming above us. And I say so without trying to act as the pessimist here," she exhales.

"Well, all were upset about Maya Apocalypse, too... and that was also just a hype because people are too stupid to read the calendar," Tony shrugs.

"I don't say that it will be the end of the world, it's just that...," she grimaces, but then grunts, "ugh, I don't want to have that conversation."

"You'll have to, or else I go tell Thor," Tony smirks at her. The trickster narrows her eyes at him, "You really want to threaten me?"

"I could try, but I don't think this would work," Tony shrugs. "But still. I think we know each other long enough by now. That is your _I'm-moping-for-some-reason-face_."

"And couldn't we just agree that I'm moping for _some_ reason, but none in particular?" she bargains.

"What sense of foreboding and why?" Tony asks calmly.

"I can't even put my finger on it. I had... strange dreams lately. I had such before, and when I had them... bad was about to come, each time," Loki admits. She never told that to anyone other than Frigga, not even Thor is aware of those premonitions, if they are. The trickster leans against the table, one hand clutching the cold metal, the other absently rubbing over her upper arm against the suddenly spreading cold within her.

"So you can actually look into the future? Like... glass ball and everything?!" Tony exclaims.

"I don't know what you are trying to hint at, but if this is supposed to be a joke about me being a witch, rest assured that I'm not about to put a spell on you," she snorts, but then turns more serious again, "I don't say that I can look into the future. I just have... impressions of what may be... and at some point those maybes come about. Now I have such dreams again and... as foolish as it is, I don't like to just stand by and watch it happen, whatever it is that will happen. I want to... do something, be it ever so little. I want to be productive. Move something. Anything."

Tony grimaces at Loki now almost sadly. She bows her head, "When you have the feeling that you are about to lose something important to you... you try anything to put up the barriers, you see? And that might be a barrier, one of them. I... I don't want to just stand by and watch."

"So you really think danger is in tow?" Tony grimaces.

"I don't know, I'm just... well, actually speaking from experience," she shrugs.

"How is that?" he frowns at her.

"I am... good now," Loki sighs. "And when I had the feeling that my life went well... that is when I had one of those obscure dreams... and short time later, I found myself amidst the ruins formerly my life and happiness."

"That's morbid," Tony grimaces, though it's clear that he feels sympathy for Loki.

"Actually, it's more of an observation," Loki argues. "I am not pessimistic, well, I am, but... not as much anymore. I... I just see that now I am at a state where everything might fall apart again – and I can't stand the thought to just silently watch it happen. Be it that I can't move the big things anymore, but... but the little things I can. This is something we may change, may move out of its spot. I want to... to shape my life for as long as I'm granted to."

"So actually more than a simple sense of foreboding, huh?" Tony grimaces.

"Yes," she agrees.

"Well, honestly? I get your feelings. I mean, okay, I'm no Norse God, but I had my time when I... almost died, thanks to that funny device in my chest that keeps the shrapnel out," Tony says in a more hushed voice, suddenly perfectly serious. He taps against his chest absently once.

"I remember reading that in one of the reports, yes," Loki nods. Tony doesn't bother to ask her how she got them – Loki always gets any file she wants. She can just zap into a room of needed anyways, so they are past the point where actually anyone questions what Loki knows. She knows everything.

"Well, and then there was the time when I was getting poisoned from the fuel running my engine," he taps against his chest another time, "before I was being amazing again and just popped up with a new element. You know me. But honestly? That SHIELD actually pushed me to... work again, do something productive... it felt good, made me feel less helpless in this mess. It's hard to stand by, stand still. So that I wouldn't be forced to do that anymore, I created the Iron Man suit in the first place, too. I wanted to change something... and of course the fans."

"Well, I wasn't always like that. I'm a sneaky thing, you may recall. I'm actually better staying out of trouble than join it... though I find myself in such situations way too often," Loki shrugs. "Misfortune for the God of Mischief, I guess."

"Then how comes you changed your spot?" Tony smirks.

"The way I figure... it revolves around what I said earlier. I have something to lose now. I didn't really have it back then, or didn't see it like that. You protect what you can't live without, right?" she hums.

"Yeah," he nods.

"Well, now I have something that I consider... worthy the protection. So I shall protect it. It might be that I don't necessarily care about the human race, because they are not my race, but... you feel attached to them because you share a common ground, literally so. And Thor means to protect this realm, also, and I am bound to walk upon it... so I suppose it stays the same. I have to make sure this place is a safer place," she shrugs her shoulders at him.

"So... folding space, intradimensional travel is one of the new fun projects... but that's only half of it, you said it's two things you need my _expertise_ for," Tony argues, smirking towards the end.

"I regret that choice of words, will possibly to the end of my days," she grumbles, to which Tony just lets out a hearty laugh. Loki walks up to one of the big screens and wipes her palm across it to remove Tony's work into a separate folder. Loki types in a few sequences before she reveals a set of construction plans, diagrams and algorithms. Tony turns around, curiously glancing at the screen, making a mental note that this woman is too fast to be true. Only his little Empress manages to work that out while still in recovery. If Loki didn't already work on their team, he'd definitely want to hire her for Stark Industries. He should try to talk her into it, now thinking about it...

"Is that... is that what I think it is?" Tony grimaces.

"I don't know what you think," Loki snorts. "And believe me, even if I inherited the ability to see into your head, I'd know a million better places to dig into. No, I don't want to know what you breed out inside that brain of yours."

She shudders to make her point.

"Well, what I think what this is... is a warning system for extraterrestrial activity whatsoever, all the way to observing movement in other universes to know about attacks before they try to destroy our little party," Tony says.

"Then we think the same thing for once, though I would phrase it differently. It wouldn't allow us an actual glance into the other realms, but we may profit from my knowledge of traveling the realms nevertheless. Just smaller steps," she says.

"Explain," Tony demands.

"Well, as you can see here," she points at a few figures and diagrams, enlarging them, "the idea is not to have a picture of the realms, like... TV? It's solely a signal that tells us if something happens."

"Alright," Tony nods, taking in the information.

"I traveled the realms often enough to actually conceive the moment of travel a little more attentively than most people would. No, actually no one pays special attention to it... Well, in the flux, so to speak, there is just one moment in which the realms collide, touch, meet, to allow the transgression to take place. In that instant, space is actually unfolded, increased, though. Not decreased, as it is true for all the other way of the transgression. That is the way to reach into the other realm. And even if it is just a moment...," she explains, and Tony completes, "Mathematically, that's a great distance into the other universe we get when this tunnel is opened. Both sides extend into each other."

"Exactly," Loki nods. "The fine line is that we don't _penetrate_ the other realms, but reach in just deep enough to know if they try to get into touch with us, which is what they do when they travel here. That way we would know sooner if someone tries to come here. After all, it's a moment of extension in time as well as space. We'd have more time to prepare and prevent bigger harm."

"Okay, that's pretty sweet," Tony nods with a smirk, but then grimaces, "But why the secretiveness, then? And why is Bruce our little Jekyll and Hyde not in here with us?"

"Because I am no mechanic. That would be you. And before I even bother Bruce with this idea of mine, I want to know from you if we can actually build a device to do that," Loki argues.

"Oh, so you bother me, but not him?" Tony cries out mockingly.

"Let's make this a deal. You try your best to build it, which means that you shall build it – and for that I may think about the toaster again," Loki argues. "And for that, no word to anyone until this is not worked out."

"And for that I get the toaster?" Tony smirks at her.

"For that you get the toaster," she shrugs.

"Secret handshake?" Tony narrows his eyes at her with a smirk.

"Why?" she huffs.

"Coz it's cool?" Tony replies simply.

"Why do it with me? Because I couldn't care less?" she goes on to argue.

"That's exactly the challenge I want," Tony grins at her. "It's coz you don't want it that I want it ever the more."

"Why?" she keeps asking.

"We can go on with you asking 'why' and me saying 'just coz', or we can make a deal," Tony huffs. She contemplates for a second.

"... toaster, simple handshake," she narrows her eyes at him.

"toaster, simple handshake, and water to wine," Tony challenges her.

"I know now what that means. For someone who calls himself an atheist, you are far too attached to myth and religion," she huffs. "And doesn't that make me your God?"

"Well, you are a God, no point in arguing," Tony winks at her. "So?"

Loki rolls her eyes as she extends her hand to a simple handshake. Tony takes her hand with a big smile. "Always a pleasure making deals with you, little Empress."

"I would return that compliment, but I'm supposed to lie less," Loki snorts.

"Ow, that hurt, Loki. That hurt very much," he mocks her.

"Then do what I do – ignore. So anyways, you keep in mind that you will not tell a soul about this. If I hear anyone of the Avengers or whoever else bragging about this, I will kill you, slowly, with a spoon," she narrows her eyes at him.

"Fine, fine. I guess that you wouldn't work on the project anymore if I screwed this up either, huh?" Tony grimaces.

"Correct," Loki nods with a vicious smile tugging at her lips. "Very well. Then I shall leave you to your business. Just let me know once... or if you find something."

"Bring it on, girl!" Tony mocks her, but Loki waves her hand at him dismissively before she leaves the room again. He turns around to glance at the diagrams again, "JARVIS? Music?"

 _Black Sabbath_ fills the room again as Tony's fingers dance over the screens, a smile spreading across his face. The mini modules can wait till later. This sounds more like fun – who wouldn't want to kick Einstein in the ass by building such a machine, huh?

* * *

Loki walks down the hallways, feeling a little lighter, a little warmer, actually. The God of Mischief wants to focus on the sensation that she can move something, can usher those vengeful shadows away for at least a while longer. She has to protect what she has now, whom she has now, with all her powers, with her last breath – and maybe this new project will make sure just that, keep that bubble intact a while longer. The trickster soon finds herself in front of the door leading to the gym. She shakes her head before she enters – only Thor could actually make her. Speaking of the thunderer, the blond man is already waiting for Loki in the huge metal room designed especially to withhold Thor's and Loki's attacks, which is why Tony started calling it the "Norse Gods' Playgrounds".

"Ah, there you are," Thor smiles at her happily. "I was already waiting for you."

"As can be seen, since you were here earlier than me," she huffs.

"Then what took you so long?" Thor smirks.

"That is none of your business," she snorts playfully. "I suppose we should simply get started."

Thor grins at her toothily, "I think we should start with something easy."

Loki shakes her head as she walks a little closer. It clearly has its advantages that Thor doesn't always see it when she lies, though he sees it more often than she'd like to admit. However, once you mention battle and glory, there hasn't ever been and won't ever be a holding back for the God of Thunder. And that is what the trickster builds on for now. She protects.

"Oh, so sparring it is?" she huffs. "God of Thunder, are you scared that someone will beat you in your own game?"

"I just thought I'd give you a fair chance," Thor snickers.

"If only such taunts worked on me," she rolls her eyes before she sucks in a deep breath to change her attire into a training outfit of Aesir fashion, with simple silver metal plates on arms and legs, accompanied by a loose olive shoulder-free tunic and simple black trousers, and high boots with a short heel to allow free movement. Similarly, Thor is also dressed in the usual Aesir training outfits without the heavy armor. He wears a red shoulder-free tunic, also black trousers and black boots with buckles. His arm and shin pads are like Loki's, only that they have a golden outline.

"And I hope that you remember I only do this to ensure that you are back to your level of strength you had before the battle with Gorr," Loki snorts, getting into position. "Because otherwise, be sure I would spend my time in much more valuable ways."

"What? Why do you hate sparring that much?" Thor snickers as he gets into position, too.

"Because, since early days, it was your way of boasting yourself," she shrugs. "And it's not like this is something we haven't seen before."

"Well, then bring it on," he smirks. "Lady's first."

Loki rolls her eyes once more before she advances the thunderer. She means to punch him in the face, but Thor, with a smug smile, stops her hand, holding it in his, "Nice try."

However, Loki already brought up her leg to kick him into the stomach, just to use the momentum to break free from Thor's iron grip. The thunderer wipes the back of his hand across the cheek, smirking in a wolfish way before he seeks the opportunity to attack and advances Loki now. He hits her shoulder, knocking the trickster off her feet, but Loki quickly turns around on the ground to use her legs like a windmill to knock Thor off his feet also. However, as the thunderer goes down, he grasps her by the ankle to send her a few feet flying. Both get up hastily just to attack again and again, where their fists just collide and send them further and further apart each time. The room almost shakes thanks to the force the two put into their attacks.

And neither one can deny that it feels more than good to do it. It's as Loki said, Thor always enjoyed sparring, enjoyed the challenge, the fight, to win. To Loki, it was more of a superfluous task before, because back then Loki wasn't able to outmatch Thor when it came to physical strength. At least everything faltered when Mjölnir was brought to the game. That was a weapon Loki couldn't win against, at least not without the use of trick and scheme. However, over the past years, Loki spent more time gaining physical strength, if only to withstand the Chitauri or to be well-protected in the other realms, where he stood alone against entire armies at times. However, now for the first time in a long time, the battlegrounds doesn't feel like prison to Loki. Perhaps it is that no one is watching them, except for JARVIS, but there are no spectators standing in the front row to watch the show – and watch Loki fail. The trickster makes no secret of it that she can't stand the Warrior Three and the Lady Sif much anymore, and it was in those instances, already as children and adolescents, that Loki's heart felt heavier about them. A little more with every cheer only for Thor, and every boo directed at him. Though Loki knows it's childish, she also sees that perhaps it's not the four she blames, but rather that they represent the entire Aesir race to her, who can't stand to be near her, because she is different, perhaps weaker, but most importantly different. However, at this moment, there are no people to judge, to watch, to see. Again, it's just them. And honestly? Loki only wants Thor and her as them. Needs them as this unity that already emerges from two fists colliding, two worlds meeting in one. Maybe it's different now because neither one feels the pressure of coming in first or second, it's simply... about enjoyment, living this moment. It hushes the cold away from her again, as her body heats up in excitement and anticipation.

She is pulled out of her thoughts as Thor connects a series of punches that send her flying to the ground. Her curly raven hair falls over her face, leaving it behind a dark curtain. Thor makes a triumphant pose, turning around mockingly, "Ah, it's good to see that some things never change, right, Loki?"

He turns back to her, but Loki hasn't stirred since. Thor grimaces, waits another second, but still detects no movement. He quickly runs up to her, "Loki?"

He crouches down above her, worry washing over him. Maybe he should have slowed down a gear. In training, Thor often forgets that not all bear his physical strength. And sadly he very often forgot that when it came to Loki when they were still younger, which resulted in the trickster often ending up injured. Thor just enjoys fighting that much that the familiar sensation of fists colliding and pain and numbing make him forget what is around him altogether, and he only sees that body that he has to overcome to gain victory.

"Are you alright?" he asks, his voice full of concern. "Loki, say something!"

He means to clasp her cheek, but that is when he suddenly finds himself glancing at the ceiling, lying on his back, with Loki sitting atop of him, flashing her white teeth at him, "It's truly good to see that some things never change. You are still so easy to fool, God of Thunder."

"That was one foul trick, Loki!" Thor cries out, though he can't help a smirk either.

"We didn't say that this is forbidden," Loki shrugs.

"Even if we had said so before, you would have done it," Thor rolls his eyes.

"True again," she smirks, glancing upwards as she reflects upon it. Thor uses her moment of inattention to roll her over again so that he is on top again. His blond hair is only inches from her face. He flashes an almost canine-like smirk at her.

"Yet, in the end, I shall be at the top," he snickers.

"Och, you wish," she snorts. "If you think that you now won the battle of dominance, you're badly mistaken."

"Oh, so is that the price of this battle?" Thor grins.

"Most certainly not," she rolls her eyes as he moves closer to her face.

"Doesn't it remind you of what went on in the garden also?" he asks suddenly, much to Loki's surprise.

"Except that we both just fought each other, are sweating profusely, and that we are lying on metal?" Loki huffs.

"Yes," Thor smirks, coming closer again.

"Not really," she shrugs before twisting her lower leg around his back to turn them over once again.

"To me, it feels just like it was when we were still children. Just fooling around," Loki smirks. Thor laughs to himself.

"So a game of dominance after all," Thor shrugs.

"Actually," she nods. Thor then grasps her by the shoulders and pushes her back lightly, not to make her fall, because he still holds on to her, but enough to make her pedal back a bit, which allows him to straighten up against the wall so that he sits, with Loki kneeling over his lap.

"I'd call it a truce," he suggests.

"Truce? The last time it was a truce, you almost cried," Loki argues, the memories of a younger Thor still vivid in her memory. The thunderer always declared that there is only one thing worse than loss, and that's a truce. And on that certain occasion when they were both young lads and even after hours of battle neither could bring victory home, Sif, as the umpire, had called it a truce. Thor pouted in days and bothered Loki about an instant rematch, but the trickster, of course, had so much better to do – namely to leave Thor in the dreadful state of having to face what he detests, being at truce and thus have no victory.

"I learned by now that a truce has its advantages," Thor smirks.

"Yeah?" she cocks an eyebrow at him, but that is when he already grasped her chin and pulls her towards him for a kiss. Loki leans into the touch, into the warmth once again, her body seeking what it seemingly cannot do on its own, spread warmth within her, melt the ice that engulfs her way too often still. Thor leans into her touch equally, seeking the passion, seeking the cold fire within her that reaches all the way to her ivory skin, which is soothingly cold against his.

"That," Thor breathes as they part from the kiss, catching their breaths. "That's an advantage."

"Flattering," she smirks as she pulls away slightly, but then her eyes soften as they meet his, and with them this tenderness that Loki had believed had only met her when she was Maya for this one night. However, now that tenderness and warmth, the pure love is right in his eyes and thus right in his heart also, all directed at her. And that is what she fights for, silently.

Loki leans her forehead against his shoulder, her soft hair loosely falling over her back to the front. She takes in the scent of his tunic, the softness of the fabric, the familiarity, that there is no distance between them in these moments. Skin against skin. Touch against touch.

"Everything alright?" Thor asks in a hushed voice. It's still not that common for Loki to seek proximity like that, at least not in that... needy way, is it? However, before he can contemplate any further on the topic, Loki straightens back up, gracefully maneuvering out of his lap, a mischievous smile tugging at her lips. She folds her hands behind her back as she almost dances in front of him, twisting on the heel each time she takes a step. She doesn't want to think of this now, and she doesn't want Thor thinking about this either.

"What?" Thor frowns, spreading his arms and shrugging his shoulders.

"What?" she mimics him. "I thought we were here to fight, God of Thunder, not to lie on the ground, acting like lovesick youths. If you want to win the battle, you have to fight for it."

With that she produces her daggers into her palm and expertly twists them in the rhythm of her steps. Loki knows it's a mean trick once again. That she uses her movements, her words, her gestures to lead away from the topic that should probably be addressed more urgently, but she finds herself unable to withstand the urge to take this moment for what it is – a moment of joy she can share with Thor. Trouble can wait until later, can't it?

"So round two, is it?" Thor grins as he gets up also.

"Please," she scolds. "That was no more than a warm-up."

"Good, I feel the same," Thor smirks as he stretches out his hand to command Mjölnir to him. He swings the hammer once as it meets his palm, getting into position.

"Well, who begins?" he smirks, but Loki already sends one of her daggers flying his way. He uses Mjölnir to dodge the attack, letting out a throaty laugh, "My turn."

However, Loki already stepped upon one of her magic disks to take off the ground, "Catch me if you can."

"Oh, I will catch you," Thor smirks as he swings Mjölnir to take off the ground also. He will catch her. Not tame her, catch her. Thor vowed to himself not to let her slip away again. That he will always hold her close, pull her back if it has to be. Even if that means that it will always be a constant back and forth, a constant fight. Because isn't that what Thor enjoys the most? A fight? And if Loki is the price, then this battle is the best of them all, at least to him.

Loki sends the next daggers his way, escaping his attacks. And she smiles. Smiles honestly. Not because of the fight necessarily, but because she battles Thor without anyone getting hurt. For the first time in a long time, Loki is granted to use her powers against Thor while not using them against him. Fight him without fighting him. Punch without punching him. Simply touch. Be close. She is more herself again. Maya gave Thor chase also, but only with a dance. Loki, as the God of Mischief who tried to take over once, however, gives Thor chase also by means of fight.

And already that kind of fight is worth the protection, worth the fight.

Yet, those thoughts drift away, float from her.

She won't accept a truce.


	31. Tests Gone Wrong & More Scars to Show

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki, Tony, and Bruce start on Project: Beat Einstein. 
> 
> Loki ends up as the guinea-pig. 
> 
> Things don't go as planned. 
> 
> After Loki's tease, Thor "goes totally boyfriend" on her. 
> 
> They talk more seriously thereafter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking around. 
> 
> Comments are always welcome and encourage me ever the more ;)

After Loki and Tony made the plan on the new project, a bit of time has passed – and Tony actually came up with a few solutions, or rather, a few tests designed to make Loki's ideas happen. Both agreed that they could now involve Bruce also, after it turned out that the plan is not that farfetched after all. Therefore, the three are now back to the lab to work on all the problems there are, because it's so many.

"Alright, my little Empress, you're playing my personal guinea pig today!" Tony declares with a wicked smirk tugging at his lips, to which Loki only rolls her eyes, "I will transform you into a guinea pig if you mess this up, I hope you are aware of that."

Tony looks distressed for a second, but brushes it off with his trademark grin.

"So, what do you want me to test?" she asks after a moment of silence.

"Well, we said that we have to figure out how you fold space – so that we can copy that. The amazing mechanic and genius I am, I designed a device that should deliver us the data we need," Tony explains.

"And you're sure you're not from Asgard?" Loki makes a face. "You boast just the way the Aesir do."

"Self-consciousness is always good," Tony argues.

"Oh yes, because those who are overly self-conscious made the best emperors over the last centuries," she snorts.

"You're the one to talk," Tony retorts playfully. He loves to banter with Loki.

"Oh, I know I'm a selfish creature, but I see now that this is not always a good thing... for the rest," she shrugs with an air of nonchalance. Loki learned by now that there is a difference between loving yourself and caring too much about yourself. Before, she had to care only about her because there was no one, because that protected her, but now... now Loki dares to let go of these defenses, for those people she dares to call friends and lover to come to her – and protect her also. Perhaps it's not about having learned humility, but about learning to... trust. Loki starts to understand that you don't have to let yourself fall off buildings and abysses to have the sensation of letting go, of being allowed to let go. She now sees that you can let go just to be caught, by those you let into your life and into your heart, be it that her heart is still a secluded kind of place, a dark place with ice that didn't melt over the eons of time, yet anyways.

"Listen to that, even Gods can learn," he huffs playfully. "But enough of us and more of that awesome project."

He ducks behind one of the tables to retrieve the device he built. Loki glances at the object, her eyes instantly narrow slits. Tony bites his tongue with a smirk as he comes closer.

"You expect me to wear that," Loki asks, though it is more of a statement, a statement she would rather not believe in. He can't be sincere.

"Yep," Tony smirks dumbly.

"No," she shakes her head.

"Yes," Tony insists.

"No," Loki warns him.

"You wear horns," Tony snorts. Loki lets out a grunt, "I bet you made it look so utterly ridiculous on purpose."

"I swear it has to look like that. It's a prototype, so I didn't give too much on the design yet," Tony argues. Loki snarls under her breath some more before she grabs the _helmet_ from Tony's hands. It's a mixture of transparent plastic and metal, way too big for her head, and cables sticking out in all kinds of directions. Loki exhales before she puts it on her head, though it almost covers her eyes completely, making her look a bit like a mushroom.

"I bet you enjoy this," Loki grunts. Tony snickers, "You have no idea."

He takes out his phone slowly, hoping that Loki won't catch him, but as he wants to release the shutter, the phone is flung out of his hand, sending it crushing to the ground.

"Hey!" Tony cries out, turning back to Loki, who hisses in a low voice, "If you dare to take any pictures, that is what you get."

"I wasn't," Tony insists, acting innocently, but that is when he takes out the next device – only to find it on the ground as well, "Hey! Those are expensive!"

"Well, if they are that dear to you, stop taking pictures. Then I'm not forced to repeat the process," she hisses.

"It would be only for... personal use," Tony argues.

"If you think that this is reassuring in any way – you're more than plainly mistaken. I won't ever let you have pictures of me for 'personal use'. And here I thought you were spoken for," she fumes.

"Not like that. Why does everyone think that?!" Tony cries out, to which both Bruce and Loki only roll their eyes.

"What I meant is that I would have a good laugh from such a picture," Tony argues, but that seems to get Loki's anger only flaring as she snarls, "If I find a single one, you can be assured that I will make it my personal obligation to make your life living hell. You can ask Thor, I'm really good at that."

"Poor sport," Tony pouts. Loki narrows her eyes at him again, so the billionaire holds up his hands in surrender, "Fine, no pictures."

"Good," she huffs before she blinks up to the device again.

"Ugh, this is utterly ridiculous. And I look ridiculous," Loki grunts with disappointment in her voice.

"Well, you can wear it," Bruce offers with a smirk.

"He's right. It's more of a fashion statement," Tony joins.

"Ugh, let's just return to how this is actually useful in any way before I forget myself," Loki snorts.

"Well, as already said, this is supposed to give us the data we need so we can figure out how to manage to fold space," Tony explains.

"What do I have to do?" Loki asks, wanting to get over with this part as soon as possible.

"The idea is that you do your appear-disappear-trick while Bruce and I observe everything," Tony explains.

"Good, then let's get over with it," she grunts, stepping into the center of the room. "What distance?"

"I'd say... from where you stand to the corner over there?" Bruce suggests.

"Very well," Loki nods. "Whenever you are ready."

The two men step over to the panels.

"Okay... on go, 3, 2, 1, go," Tony says and Loki does as is expected of her. A moment later, she is gone and reappears in the corner. "Was that satisfactory?"

"Sorry, no, I think it was too short for a recording," Bruce grimaces.

"So I am to go a greater distance," Loki nods.

"Yeah, let's go for the roof this time," Bruce nods.

"The roof it is, then," Loki exhales.

"Go," Tony nods. Loki does so and a moment later disappears and reappears.

"Anything now?" Loki asks.

"Yeah, but... still not enough for a clear analysis," Bruce grimaces at the screens mindfully.

"Am I to move to China next?" she huffs.

"No, how about... outskirt of town and back?" Tony suggests.

"Well, that will take a bit longer," she shrugs. At least it does now. There were times when it took Loki the blink of an eye to get to anywhere she wanted to be, but those times seem to be long since over, seem so far away that they are just tatters of clouds in a dark sky.

"Okay, go," Tony orders. Loki closes her eyes to do the trick – and soon finds herself outside town and a few moments later back in the room.

"Do we finally have results?" she asks, growing impatient.

"Hey, you were the one to come up with the idea, so you don't get to complain, Empress," Tony lectures her.

"I do that by nature," she argues.

"True again," Tony shrugs.

"We have recordings this time," Bruce jumps in.

"Awesome," Tony smiles, making a victorious pose. Loki walks over to the two men, taking the helmet off and thrusting it against Tony's chest. The man lets out a yelp at the force the God has, but chooses not to make a comment. He is a man after all, he can take it. No, he is the _Iron_ Man, so he can take it. Loki observes the screens curiously, swiping her hands over the panels swiftly, "It's odd to see it like that."

"What is?" Bruce frowns at her.

"Well, my magic... translated into math, physics, broken down to its most elemental parts," she exhales almost dreamily.

"Does that upset you?" Bruce grimaces.

"I don't know, it's just, well... _foreign._ When I... travel, let's say, I just see colors and obscure shapes. This is nothing like my impressions from before," Loki explains.

"Then let's untangle this to figure out what's behind the obscure shapes and colors, shall we?" Bruce smirks. Loki nods back with a smile tugging at her lips.

And so they start to work.

* * *

A few weeks later, the second phase of "Project: Beat Einstein", so Tony calls it at least, is launched. Once again, the three are in the lab, this time with two huge metal devices set at either end of the room.

"Well, so this is it," Tony grimaces.

"Yep, this is it," Bruce agrees.

"... okay, so the tests went alright. Question is now if we get this to work," Tony shrugs. Loki rolls her eyes at that, "If you want me to do it, you just have to say so."

"No, no, no. I mean, the tests with the dummies we sent through went fine. Maybe we should start with sending through some animals or so," Tony shrugs.

"What if they die?" Loki makes a face.

"Hey, is better if a mouse dies than one of us," Tony argues. "And I didn't take you for the type of person who really cares."

Loki narrows her eyes at him, "I actually like most animals. In my opinion they are often the better creatures. They don't know malice. And I find it unfair to toss one of these creatures into the unknown, perhaps to death only because we're too afraid to do it ourselves."

"It's what most scientists do," Tony shrugs.

"Then I'm not like most scientists," Loki snorts. "It's the best choice if I go. If I get thrown some other place, I can come back without having to take the bus, and I'm a God, let's not forget that."

"We would also get you," Tony argues with a smirk. "So you wouldn't have to take matters of public transportation."

"Oh, so considerate to tend to your guinea pig," she snorts before she steps over to the portal.

"Alright, so the idea is that you enter through gate A to come out at gate B," Tony points at the two machines. "Should be easy enough."

"Just switch it on already," Loki snorts impatiently as she takes her stance in front of gate A. Tony and Bruce nod as they start to work on the panels. The gate is suddenly filled with a strange light, a light Loki finds very familiar, however. Those are the colors and indescribable shapes she knows, or rather doesn't really know but grew accustomed to. A faint smirk tugs at her lips as she feels this strangely familiar pull within her body, a warmth spreading all the way from her midsection to her fingertips.

"Okay, so remember, if possible, don't try to fold space yourself, or the results won't be accurate," Bruce reminds her.

"I will most certainly try," Loki shrugs.

"Alright, go in whenever you're ready," Tony tells her. Loki takes another moment to focus before she takes the first tentative step towards the portal, only to find a suddenly _very_ strong pull that sucks her in. Loki disappears into the light, only to find herself being spit out of the other gate, with such a force that it knocks the trickster against the wall. She falls to the ground in a bony heap.

"Loki!" Bruce cries out as he sees her smashing against the wall, already running up to the fallen God, Tony short up behind him, "Holy mother!"

Gladly, however, Loki comes already back to consciousness as the two come over to her. Tony and Bruce kneel beside her, worry all over their features.

"Are you alright?" Bruce asks. Loki rubs the back of her head as she sits up, still looking dazed, "I think so... that was not how it was supposed to go."

"Definitely not," Tony grimaces sympathetically.

"Maybe I should wear a helmet next time," she makes a face, wincing.

"Better would be a... whole body armor, or one of those plastic bubbles, geez," Tony hisses, but then tilts his head at the dent in the metal wall where you can still recognize Loki's outline. "Wow."

Even if he is absolutely sorry for Loki to get the whole nine yards, Tony knows that if Bruce or him would have gone through that, they wouldn't be as unharmed as she is.

"It's curious. With the dummies, it didn't escalate like that," Loki grimaces, still absently rubbing the back of her head.

"Well, maybe it's different to send live matter through it after all," Tony shrugs.

"Obviously so, or else I wouldn't have had such a rough... landing," Loki makes a face.

"But it usually doesn't go like that when you fold space, right?" Tony frowns.

"Only when I was still a novice," Loki shrugs. She can still recall how as a boy still he came home all bloodied and dirty after he practiced on his own for hours, in the forests – and how upset Mother had been, just as was Thor. Loki never told them what he practiced in the secluded places no other Aesir dared to step upon or even knew about. Loki wanted something solely for himself that was beside the obvious talents of shapeshifting, healing, and other magic. A part of him wanted to keep that mystery alive, that Loki could steal away from everyone's eyes, that there was something that no one knew, that didn't meet the eye. And it was to protect himself also. So that Loki could escape when the jealousy was too grand or the sadness just too overwhelming – and he simply had to get away. However, at some point Odin learned about his trick, and took the ability away from him when he banished the God of Mischief to Earth, which is why Loki is now bound to travel shorter distances that don't even allow her to enjoy this rush the trickster grew so accustomed to, learned to love. You have to lose something to miss it, right? And Loki honestly misses the rush within her, that there is... an escape.

"That sucks," Tony sighs.

"Anyway, I think we're calling it a day," Bruce argues.

"I'm not too badly hurt, Bruce," Loki responds. "And I can heal myself. So this shouldn't bother."

To prove her point, she heals the small cut on her forehead and the lump that also started to build. "I want to do it another time."

"And you're sure?" Tony grimaces.

"Yes," she replies, straightening back up. The two hold out their arms out of reflex, to offer a hand if needed, but Loki seems actually fine. Or at least she does well at hiding it that she is not. With the trickster one can never know. Loki confidently steps back over to portal A, her heels clicking on the metal rhythmically, leaving no doubt in her decision or will. Bruce and Tony shrug at each other.

"Okay, JARVIS, we need some cushions here," Tony says.

"Of course, Sir," Jarvis replies. Soon Tony's robots appear with cushions of all sizes in tow. Loki, meanwhile, changed into her armor, but added a few more metal pieces around neck and head to better protect herself.

"I like the look," Tony snickers. "Looks even more like 'I-take-over-the-world'."

"Whatever," Loki snorts.

"You can go whenever you're ready," Bruce tells her. "We decreased the energy output, so we hope that it goes alright this time."

"I surely hope so, too," Loki exhales before she steps closer to the portal. She is sucked in moments later, but finds herself spit back out – to where she came from, smashing her into the wall _without_ cushions.

"This must be some kind of joke," she grunts, crossing her arms over her chest angrily while Tony and Bruce run up to her again.

"Are you okay?" Bruce asks worriedly.

"That is what I wore the armor for after all," Loki shrugs. The doctor helps her into a sitting position.

"We're really not doing this on purpose," Bruce assures her.

"I know, it's just very annoying," Loki snorts.

"Even if this sucked for you, it brought us one step closer to figuring this out. The right level of energy is between what we had before and the smaller amount from now," Tony argues.

"That is... surprisingly true," Loki blinks at him.

"Alright, so do you feel ready for another round or should we call it a day?" Tony questions, to which Loki only huffs, "Bring it on, Stark."

Tony smirks as he and Bruce help the God back up, "But this time, cushions on both ends. We're not taking any chances, again."

"Good point," Bruce agrees. Little time later, the room is properly prepared for their use.

"Okay, if you find a spot that's not cushioned, it's your own fault," Tony glances at the lab that is now full of mats and cushions. Loki just snorts before she goes into position again.

"Okay, we're ready," Bruce tells her, to which Loki nods, "If this doesn't work soon, I will just shred it myself."

"Now, now, Empress, keep the spirits high!" Tony argues.

"Tells me the guy who is not getting tossed around like a ragdoll," Loki mutters under her breath before she steps through the portal another time, only to be spit out on the other end, with less force than before, but still enough for her to be knocked off her feet and into the wall.

"This. Is. Annoying," she grumbles, crossing her arms over her chest angrily once again. If only this was not her own idea. Then she could complain about it more than she does now – and Loki complains a lot already.

"We're almost there," Tony yells, hoping that this will somehow encourage her... or rather calm her so that she doesn't make a guinea pig out of him for messing this up. Loki grunts as she straightens back up, trying to take Tony's words to heart. That they are almost there. One step closer to... safety, protection. So that she can let go again, if only a bit.

* * *

After more hours of exhausting back-and-forth through the portals, the three called it a day, though with the success that upon last try, it really worked. Otherwise, Loki surely wouldn't have agreed to put an end to this test phase. She is a stubborn thing after all. Bruce, Tony and Loki therefore set the new plan of how to make the trickster's vision happen. Not really satisfied but rather pleased, she makes her way over to her room. Her entire body aches from the abuse – and because her healing abilities left her after the... what was it? Fiftieth time? Loki actually lost count, and she never loses count. The God of Mischief lets a sigh of relief as she makes her way into her room, flopping down on the bed, face-first, burying her head in the soft fabric of the pillow, allowing the rest of her body to melt into the mattress. However, her little piece of peace is soon disturbed by someone entering the room, that very someone being Thor, _of course_.

"Ah, here you are, JARVIS told me that you'd be here... why are you in bed?" Thor frowns as he approaches the raven woman.

"Because I want to, isn't that reason enough?" she huffs, allowing her arm to dangle over one side of the bed.

"It's still bright day," Thor argues.

"And since I'm a creature of the night, I probably do best sleeping in the day to roam around by night," Loki exhales. Thor now stands in front of her and kneels down to meet her eyes, "Are you sick or so?"

"Sick of your questioning, perhaps," she snorts, though her voice is soft. "So, what do you want?"

"I actually wanted to spend time with you, but you were aloof all day," Thor smirks at her, but his smile soon fades from his lips as he catches sight of the bruises on Loki's arms and cheek. "What happened to you?!"

"Oh, that? It's nothing," Loki shrugs.

"This is _not_ nothing. Are your healing powers still not working properly?" Thor demands. Once again, his worry morphs into anger so easily that Loki would laugh out loud if she found the energy for it.

"They _are_ working properly. They are just no longer effective after so and so many tries," Loki tells him, her voice still not rising in the slightest.

"Who did this to you?" Thor asks again, his voice as hard as stone.

"A wall," Loki snorts, to which Thor can't help but furrow his eyebrows, "What? What wall?"

"Stark, Bruce and I were experimenting a bit... and it didn't go as planned," she tells him, hiding the smirk in the pillow. Thor's reaction is just priceless at times – and Loki, even if she is beyond tired, can't resist to let him squirm a bit.

"What didn't go as planned?! What did they do to you?!" Thor asks, anger rising anew. If either one did something to Loki, they will suffer his rage, that much is for certain.

"They did nothing, Thor. I asked them for it," Loki hums with a smirk. This is just too funny in her opinion.

"You asked them for what?! To hurt you?! Are you out of your mind?!" Thor cries out.

"Maybe, that's not out yet," Loki snickers.

"That's it, I will have a _conversation_ with them, _now_ ," Thor grunts, looking like a lion short before it strikes the antelope.

"And by _conversation_ you mean to smash them with your hammer, now, that's not kind," Loki argues mockingly, though Thor clearly misses her sarcastic undertone ever since he saw the bruises.

"That is not the way you treat a fair maiden," Thor growls. "I shall teach them a lesson."

However, before he can get up and possibly behead Bruce and Tony, Loki stretches out her arm to catch his, "Give it a rest, Thor. I was just making fun of you."

"Those bruises are for real," he argues vehemently.

"But I genuinely volunteered. We are testing a new apparatus. It was my idea, so leave the two be," she exhales.

"What idea involves getting hurt?" Thor demands. Loki tries not to think about Tony's comment from earlier the day when he remarked that the thunderer "goes totally boyfriend" on her once he finds out about what they do with the trickster.

"Let's not have this conversation. Just accept that I am working on a new project that... is quite demanding," she snorts.

"What are you up to?" Thor insists.

"As I said, a new project. It will help us a great deal," Loki tells him.

"Why don't you tell me straight away – if I am to find out once you introduce it to the rest of the team anyways?" Thor snorts.

"I don't want to talk about it," Loki exhales.

"If you don't tell me, I will get the truth out of Master Stark or Master Banner, then," Thor threatens. Loki sits up this time, narrowing her eyes at him, "If you think you can threaten me, you're more than plainly mistaken."

"Then tell me, and don't keep secrets all over again," Thor demands.

"Fine, have my _oh_ so grand secret," Loki gives in with a snarl. "I'm actually following your advice!"

"What advice did I give you?" Thor grimaces. Loki can't help but roll her eyes at that, "You gave me the advice to make things work by taking a different approach. I'm doing so now. I can't travel the greater distances the way I used to anymore, well, so my new plan is to build a device that will allow all of us to get from one spot to another in a shorter amount of time."

"So... a Bifröst for Midgard," Thor grimaces curiously.

"In that sense, yes. Though we would create a network of devices across the globe for us to travel in between," Loki nods. "And because we're still calibrating the gates to do what they are supposed to do, it was the best for me to test them, because I could travel out of the flux if something went wrong, which didn't. The only thing that did indeed happen... was that I was thrown out too roughly. Hence the bruises. So you can calm down now, Stark and Bruce did not make an attempt on my life."

"Then why didn't you tell me that right away?!" Thor asks, now almost in a whining tone.

"Because I don't like it when you act like a dull oaf. I'm no _fair maiden_ you have to save from the evil villains – and I won't let you. What I do, I do. That is nothing you can or will affect," she tells him, now with more honesty and clarity in her voice. Even if Loki finally admitted just how much she cares about Thor, loves Thor, she is not willing to give up all her principles she set for herself. Because she is not Maya, or she is more than Maya. Loki won't ever be just a puppet you can put on a socket to watch. She is moving, she is alive – and she wants to live between the lines of where she is granted to live. And not even Thor gets a say in this.

Thor contemplates as their eyes meet, clash. He knows that Loki, since a child, always took his freedoms more than seriously. They were his center of... being. At some point the thunderer figured that perhaps the God of Mischief always felt the strong urge to sneak away on occasion because he couldn't be without this pure feeling of not being bound to one place. However, that thought only raises sadness within Thor's soul – because now Loki _is_ bound in one place, because of him also, because of Odin, because of rules Loki shouldn't even be bound to, as she is of a race that does not fall under Asgard's jurisdiction, is it?

"... you're probably right. I'm sorry. I was just concerned about your well-being," Thor eventually says, which actually makes Loki's eyes somewhat soften.

"So," Thor begins in a lighter tone, the smirk returning to his face as he sits down next to her, "this new project of yours is a Bifröst for Midgard."

"Yes," she joins the lighter mood, but the light breaks upon her skin into a shadow. Thor studies her features – and catches the sadness and worry pulling her down.

"Well, the idea goes further than that. The plan is to create an early warning system, for intruders coming to this realm," Loki goes on to explain after a moment of silence.

"And isn't that good? I mean, then we know if creatures from the other realms try to attack us, or isn't that the idea?" Thor blinks at her, now honestly confused at her suddenly sad expression.

"To plainly tell you the truth for once, the idea came to me not necessarily for the other realms, but rather... yours," Loki eventually admits.

"Why? What's so bad if one from Asgard came here?" Thor frowns.

"I don't say it'd be bad necessarily. I just want to be warned, which is what the device will hopefully do in the near future," Loki argues.

"But why?" Thor asks again, honestly not getting it.

"Do I really have to spell it out to you or do you see it yourself?" Loki huffs, but then lets out a grunt. "Forget that I ever asked. You obviously don't see it. So, we as... _us._.. have to be more careful from now on."

"Why?" Thor grimaces.

"Because I'm a God fallen from grace, a criminal of Asgard who was only spared the death penalty because of... only the Gods know. What we do is forbidden," Loki tells him in a grave voice.

"That we love each other? What is... what is wrong about that? I was sent here to be around you. I'm Midgard's Keeper," Thor argues. "Your keeper."

"Yes, you were supposed to be my prison guard, though. I already told you. Odin should not know that we are now above the level of perhaps proper colleagueship. You are aligning with the enemy, Thor, the one who tried to take over Asgard _and_ Midgard, who wanted to steal the throne, almost managed, and almost managed to kill both the Allfather and you yourself," Loki goes on, her voice rising uncontrollably.

"But you have to see that you redeemed yourself, Loki. I am most certain that if we told Father, then...," Thor means to say, but Loki interrupts him harshly. "You will _not._ Thor, if you told the Allfather of our affairs of the heart, he would most likely have me executed – and you denied the throne, if you don't suffer my destiny also. I'm a traitor. And that you align with me makes you one also. You know the rules."

"Father would not...," Thor mutters helplessly, suddenly hearing a whistling in his ear that's almost deafening him.

"Thor, he threatened me with that before, twice. I don't think he will chance it a third time," Loki argues vehemently.

"What did he say to you twice?" Thor blinks at her.

"That he would fulfill my destiny after all. I was a babe left to die in the temple. _That_ was my destiny," Loki tells him in a low voice that lacks any aggression, though, but is only full of dread and sadness.

"When?" Thor demands.

"Well, the one time you should remember, when I was banished, hm?" Loki argues. Thor bows his head. Yes, he remembers his father uttering those words with so much vileness and anger in his voice that it made his heart clench – and that despite his own anger for Loki and his actions.

"And the other time?" Thor dares to ask after a moment of silence.

"... after that night," Loki whispers, not meeting his eyes. She hoped she could keep it from him longer, but Loki just can't go on like this. She feels the ice within her, the crystals drilling holes into her very soul, leaving nothing but cold and more ice that won't melt, forcing her into stagnation. So she has to break away, even if that leaves more wounds.

"What?" Thor blinks at her incredulously.

"He's said it to me once we were alone," Loki exhales. "And he meant it."

"I thought you had immediately taken off after... they found us," Thor swallows, an uneasy feeling settling within him. There seem to be so many things that he missed, so many times Thor averted his eyes, unconsciously or not, but always to the same result – that he didn't see Loki anymore.

"Oh, by no means. I never left the palace," Loki snorts.

"What?! Father said that you escaped him and...," Thor mutters, his brain not ready to catch up to the news just yet. Odin had told him that Loki had escaped to somewhere only the Gods would know, after he had only words of scorn for the Allfather. Thor had believed in that for so long, but now... now it's all different. Reality is shifted, replaced, broken down.

"I never left the palace, Thor. I was in my room all this time," Loki argues. "Odin used a spell to keep me in, and to conceal my presence from anyone else. Mother did not know either. No one knew."

Loki shrugs almost nonchalantly. It's odd how far away yet so near it feels.

"Why... why did he do that?" Thor asks.

"Obviously to keep me away from you, Thor. He didn't want me to see you, talk to you, or far more importantly... explain it all to you," she goes on, her face hardening at the memories flooding back to her mind. It had been one of those few occasions Loki had been close to begging Odin for mercy, though he did not manage to break the trickster. He only managed to break Loki in that way when he took her children from her. Not that he didn't leave fractures because of his actions, but Loki did not beg. He did not break completely. Didn't snap into two. He didn't give Odin the satisfaction. Thor can do nothing but gape. The whistling in his ears is now a full-fledged shriek. How could Odin ever possibly do that? And how could he... not know? By the Gods!

"He taught me the lesson that if I ever were to lay hands upon you again, I'd suffer _his_ rage and that he'd send me to my real destiny, sure death in cold ice. Because the line of blood ran between us after all. That is when he certainly made a cut in his kinship, got rid of the one foul twig in the family tree by leaving it without air, so it could decay," Loki snorts, a sad smirk tugging at her lips.

"But... but why would he do that? I mean... I get it that he did that so that you wouldn't talk to me, but... why didn't he want you to talk to me?" Thor argues, knitting his eyebrows at her, looking almost helpless.

"It didn't go without his notice just how close we had always been, despite the... unshared heritage. Even if he never told me, I don't come around to think that he observed our growing relationship with more than worry. He knew what I am long before I knew what I am. And he knew it'd be a scandal for the entire Aesir race not only for the second prince to turn out a Jotun, but for that Jotun to lay with the crown prince. Though I think he was actually surprised that I followed through with it, once he saw us... Anyway, what we did was already treason, though this was believed to be solely on my side," Loki tells him.

"But it was not," Thor argues.

"It didn't matter, and you know that by now, Thor. _I_ was the villain, the siren who tricked and seduced you into actions you, as the righteous prince you are, would never have taken part in, if not for my scheme. You have to see that Odin is that much of a strong King for a reason. He is tactician, he is a politician. He knows exactly what he does... when not in one of his fits of madness... He knew that he couldn't lose both princes to this act of felony we committed that night, so he chose one to come out of this unscathed. You," Loki explains. Logically, Loki gets Odin's plans, always did. And the logical part of her felt a strange kind of admiration for Odin's talent of scheme, since he did so well at hiding it behind the cloak of righteousness, while the other part dreaded and feared Odin for this exact talent. The trickster's curse was perhaps to always understand what Odin had in mind with his actions, see the greater plan, the darker evil hidden behind tall words, rich speeches, gold and rubies of the crown. Even if it gave the God of Mischief a tactical advantage most of the time, it also brought about the sickening revelation that truly every action, even those that were supposed to be of affection, were probably no more than tools to work on the greater plan, push forward his scheme to lands unknown. Perhaps, so Loki figures, she is not the only God of Mischief. She is seemingly the only one wearing this title proudly out to the world. And maybe that's what makes her the more honest liar of the two after all.

"I didn't know," Thor sighs, his voice low and full of anguish. He didn't know. Didn't see. If he had known, Thor would have gotten Loki out of the room, that much is for certain. Even with all the resent and shame he felt within him for Loki's tricks and that he fell for them, that is something Thor wouldn't have allowed Odin to do to the God of Mischief, to his brother... loved one. But Thor didn't know. And Loki, once again, was bound to pay the price. For a creature who needs and seeks nothing but freedom, she seems often so bound... because of him?

"Of course you didn't," Loki shakes her head. "How would you know?"

"Why didn't you ever say anything?" Thor asks.

"Because it was the one time I actually believed in Odin's threat. He was sincere when he intimidated me. So I stepped back down, swallowed my pride and accepted that I'd never touch this topic again. And I did not, until now," Loki explains. "I didn't see a sense to tell you after a while either. Obviously, Odin's patience was wearing thin with everyday I spent in my chambers. After all, he had to fear for me to escape and unravel this, or possibly destroy parts of Asgard. And I _did_ try to break out, _often._ After my initial fighting, I convinced him that I gave in, however. Well, I did, partly, because I never addressed the topic again. Yet, as I figured, it was either not talking about it and letting it rest, or being cast out of Asgard, without my powers, to the worst realms that even I gave a wide berth. And that choice seemed not really difficult. So it remains, Thor. As much as I cherish what we have, we have to have it in secret. If Odin learns about us, about what we do, he will crush us."

"But he was very enraged back then and clearly out of his mind to undertake such actions," Thor argues. "It might be different now. The night lies so far back."

"That man never forgets, not such things, Thor," Loki argues. "And for as long as he is like that... it actually plays into our hands. Because he turns away from Midgard like a pouting child thanks to that rage. For as long as Odin doesn't care, he averts his eyes, doesn't see. And I don't want him to see... us... me. I want to remain the shadows, if only a little while longer. This banishment, paradoxically... means safety for me now, for us. This might be our... haven."

"No prison?" Thor whispers with dread in his voice.

"A prison I can live with," Loki tells him. "The best prison I've seen so far."

Thor grasps her hand, his big palms engulfing hers completely. She smiles at him weakly. It's curious how one small gesture can spread warmth within her and melt the first layers of ice.

"And this device, this plan, this protection will be especially important once you are called back to Asgard," Loki says in a soft voice.

"So that you're protected," he nods, understanding Loki's argument, understanding her a little more. It hurts him that only now he learns just how much pain was inflicted on his loved one, and how much of it slipped through his fingertips like sand. However, Thor starts to understand also that Loki still does what he used to ever since the thunderer can remember – make the best out of a situation, and be it absolute misery. As flexible as Loki's magic, so is Loki herself. She adapts to a situation and seemingly finds comfort and solace in even the smallest things, if only entangled hands and a moment of shared silence. And that this is something Loki is willing not only to defend, but fight for. And so will Thor from this day on also.

"Yes. So that I'm protected, so he may not see... us," Loki sighs. "I need this. We need this."

"Then I hope that you'll be soon successful with your plan," Thor smirks.

"... thanks," she whispers, knowing fully well what other message underlies the words, those words left unspoken "I support you", "I'm with you". Loki allows her head to rest against Thor's shoulder. He leans his chin upon her head, their hands not letting go.

Loki feels protected for now.

And in that she dares to feel free.


	32. Unexpected Visitor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sleepy time is interrupted by Tony, leading to an awkward situation. 
> 
> They get an unexpected visitor. 
> 
> Loki and Thor go ahead to meet said visitor. 
> 
> Loki decides to get out her acting skills. 
> 
> Thor leaves for Asgard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking around! 
> 
> As for this chapter, I hope it offers a bit more insight into both Loki's and Thor's inner worlds, so to speak, and to get us away from overly lovey-dovey. I mean, I love lovey-dovey – and it's also in this chapter, no worries, but we still need some drama, right? So, we're getting to it^^

Loki and Thor lie in bed, fast asleep, the thunderer's face only inches from the back of her head, his arm loosely wrapped around her midsection. If Loki wasn't that deep asleep, she would probably laugh at how easily they fell back into a routine they only dared to hold on to when they were both still children and shared a bed after nightmares or simply to talk and then fall asleep next to each other. Or during that one night when she was Maya and they lied in bed like an old married couple, getting lost in the comfort of the warmth, the love, and the hushed promises of a tomorrow that seemingly only comes about now, eons later.

Destiny is a curious thing at times.

"Empress!" a shrieking voice brings Loki out of the dark corners of her dreams right back to the reality of Tony's face on the flatscreen at the opposite wall, his hands up in the air, looking more like a child than a man – not that this is anything new.

"Enemies?!" Thor cries out, not back to consciousness yet, his head shooting up groggily. Loki plants her palm on his cheek to press him back down on the pillow, "No, so leave Mjölnir right where it is. There are no enemies to slay."

Tony blinks at the image, now firstly realizing that Loki and Thor are apparently sharing a bed.

"Oh, did I interrupt the naughty late night show? I mean... if you and Thor's _hammer_ want to be alone a bit longer...," Tony snickers, but that is when suddenly one of the pads flies against his head. "Ow! How did you...?"

Loki just grins mischievously, "What do you want?"

"The alarm went off!" Tony cries out, now overly excited again.

"What alarm?" Thor frowns at her still groggily. Loki knocks the pillow over his head.

"I don't think I have to ask who's the dominant one in the relationship, do I?" Tony snickers. And even if he expected the next pad that now crashes against his head, he still can't help the yelp.

"Does that answer your question?" she sighs.

"Fully," Tony grunts, rubbing the back of his head against the pain.

"I will be right there," Loki exhales, flipping her long legs out of bed. Tony cocks an eyebrow at her – or rather at her short cream silk nightgown. Loki doesn't care, though, she never had problems with people seeing her body, but that is when suddenly Thor is up and awake, blocking Tony from the view by using his body as a shield, "Avert your eyes!"

Tony bursts out laughing, and Loki joins him. Neither one is really shy about the matter, and Thor's pathetic attempts to protect Loki's dignity as a fair maiden are simply hilarious, especially since Tony already saw more than that when Loki showed him her natural Jotun form a while back. Thor grumbles some incoherent curses to himself, though he still blocks Tony from view, if only to make his point.

"Thor, I'm not naked, so calm down," she rolls her eyes. "And I don't see the point anyways, so stop and go back to sleep."

"What alarm's going off?" Thor asks.

"I told you. The warning system for... visitors," Loki shrugs as her nightgown changes into trousers and a shirt thanks to her magic.

"Then I'm coming with you," Thor declares, now getting out of bed also, slipping on his red tunic. Loki rolls her eyes, "You will just knock something over."

"Empress, put your married-couple-arguments to rest till later, alright?" Tony pouts.

"I'm on my way," she sighs before she makes her way to the lab, with Thor in tow, where they meet Tony still in his PJ's and Bruce, who managed to put on some actual clothes, though they are wrinkled and the buttons are not buttoned properly, giving him the quality of a mad professor.

"So, what do we have?" Loki asks as she walks up to Bruce.

"Well, it might be false alarm, but we have to check," Bruce shrugs as both start to work on the panels, eagerly punching in numbers.

"Tony? Will you now try to be useful or just stand there and fall asleep while standing?" Bruce snorts at the billionaire.

"She almost broke my head with the damned pads she threw at me! My head hurts!" Tony pouts.

"Do you want another?" she threatens, though her voice is perfectly calm, with her eyes entirely fixed on the screens in front of her.

"Fine, fine, I work," Tony grumbles before he goes on to work, purposely using the screen two feet away from Loki to make his point.

"You are aware that the distance does not matter, right?" she smirks.

"It's worth a try," Tony shrugs, his fingers swiftly roaming over the panels.

"Okay, I think this is the real deal," Bruce intervenes in a sincere voice.

"I think so, too... and from the looks of it, something from Asgard," Loki grimaces, unable to hide a portion of disappointment in her voice. Thor blinks at her, "How would you know it's someone from Asgard?"

"That is the easiest to tell because we have you for... comparison," Loki shrugs.

"Oh, so she didn't tell you that she took your DNA and all for a scan?" Tony snickers.

"My _what?"_ Thor frowns at him incredulously.

"That is why I don't have to ask," Loki mutters at the mechanic. Tony shrugs his agreement.

"Alright, we have a location," Tony tells them.

"But we're still missing the time parameters. This is probably already very late," Bruce argues.

"Then we should get going," Tony grimaces.

"I suggest that Thor and I go there first. We can't use our fast-transportation system yet, which means we are the only ones who can travel this distance in a short amount of time," Loki argues.

"Why take Big Guy along?" Tony frowns, to which Loki rolls her eyes, "If we're right and it's a visitor from Asgard, then who does he or she want to see most likely, hm?"

"Good point. Alright," Tony nods.

"We'll have the others on go for if something's up," Bruce tells her.

"That should suffice," Loki nods. "Then let's get ready to head out."

Once the two are dressed and armored, Loki and Thor leave the mansion hastily. Thor swing Mjölnir while Loki uses her transportation skills to move as far as her powers allow her to. They reach an open field.

"Only just in time," Loki exhales as the familiar white-blue light strikes the ground. He hair flaps against her face. The Norse Gods lean away from the beam, covering their eyes against the all-evading white and blue. Out of the light then steps a figure.

"Sif!" Thor exclaims with a mixture of surprise, happiness to see one of his companions, and worry about someone from Asgard here on Midgard now.

"My Prince," she replies, a stiff smile tugging at her lips. She approaches Thor.

"It's good to see you," Thor smiles at her toothily. "How are you?"

"I'm fine, thank you," she smiles. "And you?"

"Tremendous," he smirks. "But as glad as I am to see you, what brings you here?"

"The Allfather," she tells him, her features hardening, but then she tilts her head to see past Thor – over to Loki.

"Do I know you?" Sif questions with a frown, blinking at the raven. Because Sif has the feeling that she knows this young woman from somewhere... if only she could remember where that was, or when, but somehow... those eyes seem familiar, while so strangely beautiful.

There is a moment of silence. Thor already means to jump in and somehow bring the attention away from Loki and back to him, but that is when Loki speaks up, "Hell, how the on earth would I know if you know me, I mean, unless I knew you. Coz then I'd know you and you'd know me, so I could say for certain that I know that you know me or that you know that I know you... I mean... you know what I mean."

She flashes the broadest of smirks at Asgard's warrior. Thor can't help but gape at her sudden... _change?_ Sif just blinks at her, perfectly confused, "Then I guess I was mistaken. I thought I knew you from somewhere... who are you, then?"

"Oh, where are my manners?! I guess I left them in the closet right behind... doesn't matter. Anywho, I'm Jade Eyes, well, guess name says it, doesn't it? Coz of the green eyes and all? But for the record, those are real. Coz people were spreading the rumor that I wear contacts, and I'm like what the hell?! Those are my eyes, so screw you. But I love them anyways, you know fans, right?" Loki goes on in gleeful rambling. Both Thor and Sif stare at her disbelievingly, though Sif is simply confused while Thor doesn't know why on earth Loki is acting the way she does now.

"So you're Sif? Gosh, believe me, Big Guy's been talking about your badass adventures like all the time, even when no one wanted to hear it... and I was like totally excited to finally meet you! He's said that you're such a tough cookie! And I love cookies... though I thought you were taller," Loki tilts her head at Sif, whose confusion only seems to multiply with every second passing.

"Uhm... it is nice to meet you... Milady Jade Eyes...," Sif knits her eyebrows at the petite figure in front of her before she turns back to Thor, "Why is she here with you?"

"She is... part of the Avengers," Thor tells her with a grimace.

"Yeah, I'm the newest member, totally the rookie. I still get lost in the hallways like all the time, but everyone loves me coz I'm like... the mascot," Loki snickers happily. Sif just knits her eyebrows at the young woman.

"Then where are the Avengers?" Sif frowns.

"They are not as fast as we are," Thor shrugs and Loki adds, "We're the only ones with hyper-speed. I mean, he just has to swing the hammer and boom, he's there, but I'm also quite a speedy thing. So we thought we'd go ahead to do the welcome party. I should've brought confetti. I love confetti."

"How did you know about my arrival anyways?" Sif asks Thor with a grimace.

"We were within the area," Thor lies, to which Loki goes on, "My best buddy and I just dig the burgers they have in that diner not far from here."

"Best... _buddy?"_ Sif grimaces.

"Yeah, we're like bros, except that he's a guy and I'm a gal, but same difference, right?" she snickers. "I mean, the hell, gender shouldn't matter. Race doesn't either, does it? I mean, he's from Asgard, I'm from the South – and still we get along if we don't want to kill each other. But he knows I love him coz of the hair. I just always want to braid it. Can I braid yours, too? I would totally love to," Loki goes on with her relentless ramble. Thor has to try hard to make himself believe that this is actually Loki standing in front of him – and not a female version of... _Tony,_ on coffee-overload. However, the effect doesn't go unnoticed by Thor – Sif keeps her attention on Thor and not Loki, which is probably what she tries to achieve, if Loki just doesn't want to make fun of Sif, which wouldn't be uncommon in the least. Those two always quarrel, and that since they were both still children.

"Where is Loki?" Sif asks, seemingly unaware that the trickster stands right in front of her with a broad smile and glistening green eyes.

"Back with the Avengers," Thor lies.

"Yeah, the dweeb's busy being sorry for himself," Loki grins, which only makes Thor's wonder rise. He is used to Loki lying, but not that she is that... self-ironic, or is she? However, if Loki pursues that as a plan, it works out greatly, since Sif nods in agreement, convinced that this is just what the Loki _she_ knows would do, or what she _thinks_ he would do. Because Thor most certainly knows now that most of Loki's actions and antics of the past were more of an act than actual mannerisms able to properly characterize the God of Mischief. Be it that Loki actually has a much softer voice and a far more cheerful smile than that the trickster revealed back in Asgard or that anyone thought that every word he spoke was nothing but drifting clouds, that the trickster was never sincere, when very often Loki was dead-serious, but hid the truth by obscuring it with false signals.

Thor generally made the experience over the time of Loki's banishment that even if the trickster always took it serious to stay truthful to herself and that she will always be a bullhead through and through, the things Loki was formerly frowned at were nothing but reality reflected in a corrugated mirror. The God of Mischief seemingly long-since understood the art of making certain things seem bigger that the trickster found could be exposed, those that were either optical illusions anyways, or parts easily removable. At the same time Loki made other things smaller that she wanted to protect because she held them so dear that she didn't want to expose them to the light of day. If Loki didn't just put the lights out so that nothing was reflected back to reality – and she, the real Loki, remained in the shadows. As the trickster pointed out, that was what she considered or still considers protection. While others seek illuminated places so that they are supervised, seen, recognized, Loki seeks safety in the silence and obscurity of darkness.

"My Prince, I think we should go to a private place, then. It's about _Asgard's_ affairs," Sif tells Thor, who shakes his head, "She has my trust. Whatever it is that you have to say, you can say in front of her also."

"Yeah, I'm totally loyal. And I dig Asgard, I mean, it sounds like a fun place, just like Disneyland without Mickey Mouse," Loki nods gleefully.

"Just go ahead," Thor encourages the still confused female warrior.

"As I said, the Allfather sent me to gather you," Sif tells him.

"So? What does Father want?" Thor asks Sif with a grimace. He already feared for something like that, but he still hopes that it is a profanity after all.

"You back in Asgard, _immediately,"_ Sif replies with a grave voice.

"Why is that?" Thor frowns.

"The Allfather seeks your presence in the Great Halls as soon as possible. You were gone for so long and haven't talked to him since," Sif tells him. "He was not pleased that you kept away for such a long time."

Thor lets out a grunt. He knew this was about to come, but the anger freshly bubbles up just thinking about the conversation he last had with his Father – and how he had nothing but scorn for Loki and the trickster's efforts of redemption.

"I was busy here," he argues.

"The Allfather doesn't care. He wishes to see you. And as your friend I implore you to obey this time. The Allfather is not in the best of dispositions," she argues.

"What do you mean?" Thor frowns.

"Just... come back home," Sif insists, obviously not wanting to discuss that in front of Loki, but rather back in Asgard. "He wants to see you... and we need you there."

Thor notices the almost desperate tone in her voice. And if Sif allows this kind of weakness to show, it surely has a reason. And that means that trouble is most certainly ahead of them.

"I have to talk to my friends first, to let them know that I'm heading back to Asgard," Thor replies.

"My Prince, it really would be for the best if you...," Sif means to say, but Thor interrupts her, "Or do you seriously believe that entire Asgard will burn down within this one hour it'd take for me to say my goodbyes?"

She lets out a soft chuckle, "No, you're probably right, but don't take too long."

"I won't keep you waiting too long, I assure you," Thor nods with his typical smile.

"Good, then I will let the Allfather know that you are coming soon," Sif nods.

"Yes," he agrees.

"Well...," she turns to Loki, "It was nice meeting you, Milady Jade Eyes."

"Hey, I'm totally glad to finally have met you, too, _Sif-y_ ," Loki smiles at her. "Do I have to bow now or do we hug it out?"

"I will go now," Sif replies stiffly before she turns on the heel to walk back into the center of the crater she came out of. Loki waves her hand at her hastily.

"Heimdallr, send me back whenever you're ready," she says and soon the familiar light engulfs her and she is gone again. Thor stares at the crater absently. He then shakes his head, though, and turns back around to Loki, "So now, what by the Gods was that?!"

"That... was the Bifröst," she smirks.

"Why did you put up such a show?" Thor questions, narrowing his eyes at her.

"I told you, I don't want all of Asgard to know what I do here on earth. And as I figure, that includes the shape I occupy. I thought I would do better leaving everyone in the belief that this here is as human as any other of the Avengers, well, more or less."

"But why... that character?" Thor grimaces.

"I thought I would go with something that I think is very much unlike me... so basically, I just threw Stark's character together with what I gathered on TV. Those shows about High Schools are simply hilarious," Loki explains.

"'But you taunted her," Thor argues, though he can't help the smile.

"Just because I put up a show doesn't mean I have to hide that I don't like her," Loki replies, narrowing her eyes.

"What is it with you and her anyways?" Thor shakes his head.

"She hates me for that little hair incident, still, as we all know... and I don't like it that she has, to say it with Stark's words, a _total crush_ on you," Loki tells him.

"A crush? She is a companion!" Thor argues vehemently.

"For the longest time, she was the only female creature other than Mother you were around... until you were old enough for mead and... maidens," Loki argues, though a smirk tugs at her lips.

"Are you... jealous?" Thor snickers.

"Och, please, now don't be ridiculous. We both know that if you ever dare to make approaches to her now, you'll not only lose your head, but other body parts also," Loki tells him in the sweetest of voices.

"I will most certainly remember that," Thor smirks, trying to hide the bit of nervousness bubbling up within him, but then turns serious again as the realization dawns on him what just happened. "I'm going back."

"Yeah," she exhales. "We knew this would come one way or another, though. It doesn't come as a surprise."

"Just that it comes as a surprise," Thor snorts.

"Yeah...," she exhales. It's two perfectly different things to know that something will happen and then to actually see it happen. Just as it was different for Loki to fear Thor might die – and then see him almost die. Just as Thor feared that Loki might die – and then saw him fall into the abyss. Just as what they dare to call love now feels different than that of their night and different of what they imagined it might be like, in faint dreams and for a long time hopeless hopes. Just as the sense of foreboding is nothing but obscure colors and pictures compared to reality.

"I guess we should head back, then... to let the others know," Thor exhales.

"Yeah, we should," she nods with a grimace. Thor brushes his palm over her cheek once before he lifts up Mjölnir. He steps back and swings the hammer to disappear into the sky – and Loki follows right behind.

* * *

They are soon back at the mansion, where they are already awaited by the rest of the group, who are eager for new information.

"Okay, I see solemn faces, that either means we screwed up with the calculations or we have some real bad news," Tony grimaces as he looks at the two Norse Gods. "... like... that Asgard wants to blow up earth?"

"How bad is it?" Natasha asks.

"It's not all too bad," Loki shakes her head. "The Lady Sif came here as a... messenger."

"Oh, the badass warrior Lady?" Tony grins. Steve nudges him in the side.

"She informed me that I have to go back to Asgard to handle some business there," Thor explains.

"And for that they don't send... an actual messenger?" Bruce frowns. "I always though that this was a sort of lower job."

"And it is in the eyes of Aesir rule," Loki agrees.

"Then does that mean something else?" Clint grimaces.

"Father is aware that I'm still... out of sorts with him," Thor tells them.

"You two had a fight?" Steve frowns.

"You could say so," Thor rubs the back of his head. "So I believe that he sent Sif as an attempt of leniency."

"... your clan seems... odd," Tony makes a face.

"You have no idea," Loki mutters under her breath.

"So... you're taking off... when?" Natasha asks.

"Today," the thunderer replies.

"So it's really urgent, huh?" Bruce grimaces.

"To say the least," Thor exhales.

"Do we have to worry about this backfiring on earth? I mean, I'm just asking so that we put up the defenses, in case," Steve asks. He knows it sounds a bit selfish to ask that, but if the past taught them one lesson, then it is that you have to prepare for the outer space to dip into your space the best you can. And they have a responsibility towards this planet as the Avengers. If they know of a possible threat, they should do anything they can to protect humankind (plus a few friends from outer space and other creatures who happen to be their friends).

"Not that I know. I think it's more of... family quarrels," Thor tells him.

"Or do we have to save you now from daddy?" Tony jokes, though all know he is serious insofar he would fight for Thor or Loki if it came to it. What do you have friends for if they don't do anything to travel to another universe to kick the father and _Father of the All_ in the ass, huh?

"I'll be fine, thank you," Thor smirks.

"How long do you think it'll take?" Clint questions.

"I do not know, but I don't think too long. Father knows of my responsibilities here," Thor replies. And he honestly hopes that he is right with this prediction. After all, Thor learned the very hard way just how little he seems to know the man he calls Father. And how many of his actions Thor believed were reality were indeed just obscure images that hid well at hiding the truth from him.

"So, just a quick trip back home," Tony jokes.

"Something like that," Thor smirks.

"Then... I guess it's time to say farewell?" Tony shrugs.

"I'll be back soon," Thor assures them another time.

"Hell yeah! Or else we drag you back," Tony jokes, clapping the Norse God on the shoulder.

"Just make sure you return in one piece," Bruce smirks. The others say their farewells also.

"I'll see you soon, my friends," Thor smirks, visibly touched by the closeness he feels to them and how they express it, showing concern, showing understanding. They exchange one last look before Thor turns to leave, Loki silently following him, a custom that seems strangely familiar especially during situations such as these. Because Loki is likely doing that, which never seizes to surprise Thor. For someone who is so self-conscious and so independent, it seems a strange custom for Loki to follow another person's lead, wordlessly, like a servant, a shadow. Yet, perhaps that is just what it is – Loki just likes the shadows.

Once they are outside the door, Thor turns to the raven woman, "You know you don't have to escort me, right?"

"And you know that I do whatever I want, _right?"_ Loki replies

"Of course," Thor chuckles softly.

"Then let's find you an open field to disappear from," Loki shrugs before she moves fast ahead. Thor shakes his head with a smirk before he swings Mjölnir to follow the God of Mischief. They soon reach an open field on the outskirt of town. They stop in its center.

"So... you should keep in mind that you are walking on thin ice when it comes to Odin. If I were you, I wouldn't seek confrontation, but rather bring him to calm down. That is when he is most open to an argument and thus hopefully reason also. And I can only recommend you to have an observant eye on everything that happens around you. I know that this is something you don't like to do, but believe me that this always comes as an advantage for when something actually happens. You have to become aware of the details, or else you miss the greater point. If the Allfather is up to something, you have to be open to perceive that and...," Loki tells him, but that is when Thor steps closer to her, grasping the shorter woman around the back, "I know, alright?"

"You seemingly don't. Or else you would have seen through more of my schemes," Loki argues. "I just mean to prepare you."

"Don't be afraid," Thor smirks at her, tugging a loose strand of her curly hair behind her ear affectionately. She scolds at that, "I'm not afraid. You are merely going back to Asgard to spend some quality time with the clan."

"Exactly. Everything is going to be fine," Thor smirks, holding the petite woman a little closer, though she doesn't lean into his touch, but rather seeks his eyes – ready to fight.

"Thor, what are you trying to do?" she snorts.

"Properly telling you my goodbyes. I don't know how long I will be gone," Thor smirks.

"Well, then goodbye – and off you go," Loki huffs, gesticulating.

"Loki, now be sincere," Thor demands with a bit more force in his voice. The trickster glances to the side, trying to hide the expression of having been caught. Thor grasps her by the chin gently to bring her eyes back to his, "You don't have to wear that mask in front of me."

"Walking without seems just as pointless to me, though," Loki argues. "If I don't wear it, I just feel sad and stupid in being sad. Why would you want this sappy emotional wreck that can't do more than wave you goodbye as you fight the fights you should fight together, huh?"

"What are you saying?" Thor shakes his head. "You did all the work before, Loki. And what I do now, it is... those are my duties to Asgard. If anything, I'm sorry that those duties mean that I cannot fulfill those I have to you."

"You have no responsibility to me in that way, Thor," Loki snorts, but that is when he captures her lips in a tender kiss. Loki is hesitant for a moment, but then leans into the warmth of his touch.

"My duty is to love you," Thor tells her as he pulls away, blue orbs fading into green ones to leave between them the endless turquoise of the ocean. "It is my duty and my privilege."

"Ugh, you're trying to create a moment so badly, aren't you?" she huffs, though her voice is still softened from the aftermath of the love that traveled from his lips right into her heart.

"You know that I mean it. You know it's the truth," Thor insists, grasping her hand.

"Of course I know," she smiles. "And you know I feel the same. I just don't see the sense in saying what we both already know."

"Because it's worth being said," Thor reminds her. "And anyways, I just want to make sure that you don't miss me too dearly."

"You're a dull oaf, you know that, right?" Loki huffs, though she still has a smile on her lips. "I will have a grand time without you to annoy me all day long."

"Oh, is that so?" Thor mocks.

"I finally get time to read, to work...," she hums. "And you get to boast, drink lots of mead..."

"You're unbelievable," Thor chuckles. The only creature Thor knows who would act like that in such a situation is the trickster after all. Loki made it seemingly her own personal obligation to create emotional moments only where she really wants it, and otherwise fights it with gnarling teeth.

A wild thing after all.

"I know," she smirks, but then leans her head against his chest, focusing on the steady ba-dum shaking her eardrums and thus carries a portion of him into herself, if only just the sound of his heartbeat that seems to beat so much stronger than her own.

"So will you miss me not only just a bit?" Thor chuckles.

"Maybe... maybe not, who knows?" she hums.

"Loki?" Thor asks in a mute voice.

"Hm?" she hums.

"Do you want me to say anything to Mother?" he asks. Loki whips her head around to bore her emeralds into his blue orbs, "What?! What would I want with her?! I already told you that we mustn't talk about what I am now or what we two share. That includes even Mother."

"You know that she can keep a secret," Thor argues.

"And I know that Odin has his ways to sneak his way past the barriers of lies and kept secrets. I don't want to endanger Mother only just to involve her into what are our affairs of the heart," Loki argues vehemently. She knows it's odd to still consider this woman her mother, when in truth she is not, feel for her the same way one should feel for someone of your blood, someone you bore, someone you were born from. And even in all the hatred that bubbled up within the God of Mischief once Loki learned what and who she truly is, it curiously amazed her that Frigga knew about Loki's actual heritage and still had loved that child so unconditionally that even the otherwise always favored son Thor was jealous of the connection they shared.

And in banishment, Loki found her mind drifting back to the faint memories of the former days in which everything seemed so simple, because the blood that ran between them just didn't matter. Back then they were just mother and child. Loved and beloved. Teacher and apprentice. Friends. Family. What a blissful state that had been. An almost normal childhood for a strange child who lacked friends and "social qualities", Loki always reminded herself. And when the trickster allowed her mind to drift back to Frigga's voice, her smile, her soft eyes, it brought about a resolution she didn't ever verbalize, but kept deep within the corners of her being to protect it dearly: Loki considered talking to Frigga, across the realms, find a way to communicate, forbidden or not, but then decided against it – for what she figures is for Frigga's good. Mother suffered enough thanks to her wrongdoings. Loki knows how many sleepless nights and tears she cost this one woman she dared to hold so dear within her heart that warmth crept its way into her when her mind only brushed the name, the smile, the eyes of Mother, Thor's mother, but her Mother. And because she is her Mother, Loki didn't want to cause her any more pain. It's always hard to say goodbye. Why should Loki punish one of the few people she cares about so deeply by causing the pain of constant goodbyes, of the constant reminder that what they had is not real and that what they have can never be? No, Loki decided against it. A part of her honestly hoped that Frigga would just forget about her also. That the memories would simply fade, that the face Frigga would see in her dreams would falter into obscurity so that she may no longer know who was this stranger child who lived with them for a given time. As odd as it may sound, Loki still wants to believe that you show ultimate love to those you set free. And so she sought to set Frigga free of... herself.

The question that Loki thus tries to push aside quite desperately is whether this works, however. Because from Thor's words and implications she could take that she is no faint memory yet. That in Frigga's mind she is still present, still wears a face, if only not this face, but still a face she once had. That Loki didn't disappear into the shadows of the past, but that Frigga still holds on to her to carry her back into the Queen's present and hold her alive there, if only just a flicker of light, green and almost dead.

"I don't say that we have to involve her just yet, but... even without telling her _that,_ you may want to tell her something, Loki. She misses you so dearly," Thor argues.

"Don't you think I know that?" she hisses, trying to hold back the tears that threaten to evade her eyeballs and obscure her vision.

"And that is why I think you should tell her... _something._ It doesn't have to be anything big, just so that she may know that you think about her, because we all know that you do," Thor argues, his voice soft and soothing behind the gruff tone he inherits by nature.

"What do I tell her? I don't want to apologize if not in person. I don't want to tell her about this. I don't want to tell her about my wrongdoings. What do I tell her that doesn't cause her more pain?" Loki asks, honestly at a loss. Just what do you tell someone you can't talk to? What do you tell someone to soothe pain? What words can soothe pain when the pain is so great that it tears you into two? Loki doesn't know. She just doesn't. Perhaps someone with a bigger heart that is not covered in thick layers of ice can tell her, someone like Thor. Maybe Loki just doesn't know because her soul is that far corrupted by the ice and cold she allowed inside her heart – so that she can no longer verbalize tender feelings or find an appropriate moment to set them free.

"Just let me tell her that you miss her. That you think about her. And that you're... well, happy," Thor offers.

"Happy?" she blinks.

"Well, aren't you?" Thor argues.

"I am... but... what would that be to Mother?" Loki grimaces.

"Everything. She is worried sick about you, Loki. To know that you are happy will make her happy also, I'm quite sure," Thor tells her with his typical smile. To him it will always be odd to be the one to offer advice to Loki, because normally it's always the other way around.

"Don't you think she'd be unhappy to learn that I have a splendid time here, but did not back in Asgard?" Loki argues. Thor holds her a little closer, "She is our Mother. She only wants the best for you, Loki. That includes being happy."

Just as Thor wants Loki to be happy.

"... fine, then tell her that," she exhales.

"Very well," Thor smiles happily.

"Well, but if you take too long, Stark will probably keep word and come get you, so you should try to make it as quick as possible," Loki says after a while of silence and shared warmth. Even though she knows that this is something Thor can't affect, even if he wanted to. If Odin sends him on a mission, Thor has to go. Those are the duties of a crown prince. And Loki accepts that – because Thor is also that, the crown prince. That is part of his being and Loki wouldn't ever want him to change for her by neglecting that side of his. Thor is the Prince of Asgard, and one day King. He has responsibilities to this realm, his home. And Loki, to the day, finds Thor's devotion, above everything, admirable.

"I won't take long, I assure you," Thor tells her with as much credibility as he can muster.

"Don't promise things that are out of your reach, God of Thunder. Or else you run the danger of becoming a God of Lies, and you know that this is _my_ job," Loki argues mockingly.

"It is within my reach. And even if not, I shall reach out to it until I have it," Thor argues.

"Your kind of optimism I would like to have on occasion. Your world must be truly gayly colored at times, huh?" she huffs softly.

"It's only the brighter now that I'm with you," Thor smirks.

"Oh by the Gods, if you think that I will be at your service for the sweet words, you're more than plainly mistaken," Loki warns him, narrowing her emerald eyes at him.

"I just want you to smile," Thor argues, suddenly very serious. The trickster blinks at him, seemingly caught off-guard, something very rare and often foreign to Loki. Because the trickster normally has a plan for anything, an even if the God of Mischief has no plan, then Loki planned on not having any.

"Why?" she questions.

"I don't like to see you sad because of me. I have caused you enough tears," Thor grimaces.

"I won't cry over you going on a holiday, Thor," Loki argues.

"I don't say that, but I don't want you worried. You will be fine, for you have our friends with you. I will be fine, too. We'll be fine," Thor tells her. "So you can stop worrying."

"I never stop worrying. That keeps my senses sharp," Loki smirks.

"I don't say you should stop being attentive, but that you can... let go," Thor smirks.

"Of what? You? Well, you're the one holding on to me," Loki huffs.

"And I shall never let go again," Thor smirks.

"Oh, great, let's just hug till we both die, now that sounds like a plan," she snorts dismissively. Though a part of her would... not mind. Yet, that is something Loki would never say out loud. Of course.

"What I meant to say is that you can... let go of the greatest worry. You have people to rely on," Thor goes on to explain. "You are with friends. You have your inventions to aid you. And I am still standing between you and any trouble coming from Asgard. You are safe."

Loki leans her head against his chest wordlessly, trying to make her body believe in the words he just said. That she is safe. That they are safe. That everything can and will be okay. For someone who is used to pessimism and darkness, it's almost a Herculean task for Loki to believe in fortune to come knock on her door, but... she _wants_ to try.

They stay like that a while longer until Loki pulls away to seek Thor's eyes again, an honest smile tugging at her lips, "You should go now. It wouldn't be wise to keep the Allfather waiting even longer than you did anyways."

"You're right," Thor agrees, glancing up at the sky. Loki blinks at the blue-grey mesh above also, the sun hiding behind shapeless clouds which now start to drift into forms, circles, as the Bifröst is soon about to claim Thor and bring him back to Asgard. Loki glances at the tatters of color a while longer, which is why she misses that Thor suddenly approaches her again for one last kiss. "But that will always be worth a bit more wait time."

Before Loki can say anything, Thor steps back again and the familiar blue light engulfs him, the last feature of his to fade away being his smirk. Loki brushes her fingertips over his lips absently as surprise is replaced by a smile. She turns around on the heel, and much to her own surprise, her feet feel incredibly light. So she decides to walk back to the mansion.

For the moment Loki just wants to enjoy the sun that crept its way past the tatters of clouds.

Perhaps Thor is right in his enthusiasm.

And they are really safe.

At least it's a sunny day again.

And Loki smiles.


	33. Coming Home, But Not Really

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor returns to Asgard, though it's not at all how he remembers it to. 
> 
> Odin doesn't give him a very warm welcome. 
> 
> Thor and Frigga talk. 
> 
> Thor and his friends talk, only to receive more bad news. Some really bad news. 
> 
> There is also dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking around and kudoing on tops.
> 
> So, in this chapter, we'll go to Asgard for a little while ;)
> 
> Have fun during the stay.

After he told Loki his goodbye, Thor soon finds himself thrown out of the flux of light back to the familiar sight of the golden dome and the golden guardian, Heimdallr, standing at its center like a statue, awe-inspiring, tall, dignified. Truly, one of the most able men of entire Asgard.

"Heimdallr, my friend, it's good to see you," Thor greets the man in golden armor.

"My Prince," the man nods, his eyes staring ahead, as always.

"So, how are you faring?" Thor asks as he walks away from the portal.

"The usual business, my Prince," Heimdallr replies. "Though I have to say that I was less preoccupied for your services lately."

"Well, I was... preoccupied back on Midgard," Thor smirks.

"So I heard," Heimdallr tells him.

"Well, I have to head my ways. I will talk to you later," Thor waves his hand. The Bifröst's guardian nods silently. Thor exits the dome to find his steed already waiting for him. The thunderer pats the horse on the back with a grin tugging at his lips, taking in the familiar scent and sensation. He saddles up and makes his way down the Rainbow Bridge, to the palace, where Thor is already awaited at the entrance by two soldiers.

"Mylord, the Allfather is already awaiting you in the Great Halls," the one to the left tells him.

"Thank you," Thor nods before he proceeds to the Great Halls. He stops in front of the golden door, however, suddenly finding a pull of air, cold, in his back. Thor grimaces, glancing around, but then shakes his heads and walks on anyway. Probably Loki's warning are playing a trick on him and he imagines things not there. So the God of Thunder opens the doors to the Great Halls and steps inside. Thor finds his parents seated on the thrones, a picture so familiar that it is almost odd again.

"Father, Mother, it's so good to see you," Thor greets them, hoping that if he shows enthusiasm, this will somehow work in his favor. Even if Thor is not yet too sure of Loki's warnings, he accepts by now that a bit of precaution doesn't do anyone harm.

He walks up to them, kneels out of courtesy, but then goes on to Frigga to embrace her. She holds on to Thor tighter than he estimated, however, and again with that strange kind of desperation he already felt radiating from Sif earlier on. Thor can't help but the small grimace against her back, but once they come face to face, he flashes the brightest of smiles at her.

"Ah, my son, I'm so glad you're finally back home," she exhales, leaving her hands on his shoulders, glancing at him in a mixture of awe and affection.

"I'm sorry that I kept you waiting this long, but I was very busy back on Midgard, Mother," Thor apologizes. That is when Odin speaks up for the first time, "Yet, you should be aware that your responsibility is still Asgard and not Midgard."

"Father, if you had called for me in case of real crisis, I surely would have come," Thor insists, doing his best to keep the anger out of his voice and his heart, Loki's words still present in his memory.

"Why do I have to call out for you to help Asgard, Thor?" Odin argues vehemently. "As the Prince and future King, it is your responsibility to care, just as it is for you as the leader of the commander-in-chief."

"Odin, give it a rest," Frigga exhales. "He has just come back. Let him rest and..."

"Wife, that is none of your concerns," Odin tells her, his voice dark and unforgiving. Thor blinks hard. His father never treated Frigga like that. He is so deeply in love with her that anyone who dares to talk to her in that way would be beheaded. At least that was so before.

"It is my concern, for he is my child," she argues. Thor can't help a small smirk. Even if Loki and her are not related by blood, both share the same kind of dignity and pride. They would never allow someone else to silence them, be it the Allfather himself.

"A child who is not answering his deeds," Odin corrects her.

"Father, if I caused you distress with my absence, I apologize. I was not aware that we had urgent business here. Or else I would have been here, I assure you," Thor negotiates.

"I surely hope so for you, my son. You have to see that you have a duty to Asgard that you have to answer, personal preferences or desires aside. You are to be King one day. The times where you could simply travel around and live into the day are over. You are now in the stage where you are about to become King," Odin reminds him.

"Yes, Father," Thor nods solemnly.

"But enough of that. I have tasks for you that you will have to fulfill for me," Odin tells him.

"Of course, Father, whatever you may wish," Thor replies.

"By the rise of next morning, you shall travel to Vanaheimr, along with the Warrior Three and the Lady Sif to deliver this script to their leader. I want you as my representative," Odin tells him.

"Of course, Father," Thor nods, though he can't help but be curious that Odin suddenly wants him for messenger duties.

"Everything else will be explained to you later, for now... you may be dismissed," Odin exhales.

"As you wish," Thor bows lightly. Frigga turns to the Allfather, "I will see you later."

She and Thor take off and leave the Great Halls. Once outside, she grasps his hand and wordlessly drags him to one of the balconies. Both settle down on one of the stone benches set there. Frigga grasps Thor's hands with motherly affection.

"So now we are on our own," she smiles at him softly - one of the things Thor knows he can always rely on. That is something he knows won't ever change about Asgard. His mother's affection and big heart are eternal and unchanging.

"How are you, Mother?" Thor asks, now with more sincerity.

"Concerned, just concerned, but let's not think about that. I want to hear about you and what went on in Midgard," Frigga urges him.

"We fought some very strong enemies, you see," Thor shrugs.

"And of course you beat them all," she smirks.

"Of course," Thor grins back. "You should have seen us."

"You know that I do not like the battlefield," Frigga argues.

"Yet, you would never hesitate to fight an enemy if he came your way," Thor grins. He knows that his mother is not just a strong sorceress, but also a skilled and strong fighter who outmatches many if not all of Asgard's soldiers. This was perhaps one of the reasons why Odin first fell in love with her... and again, so much like Loki. Even if that would make Thor Odin – and Thor, at this point, doubts that he wants to be his father. That man used to be his role-model, used to be the man Thor always wanted to become one day. However, now that he learned about the many times Odin lied to him, lied to Loki, hurt Loki... Thor sees things in a different light, and it's a much darker one than could be considered in the lights of the golden shine of Asgard.

"Of course, but you know my philosophy. You only fight if you have to, but then you do it right," Frigga tells him with a soft smile. "Nevertheless, I would have liked to see you coming back from battle victoriously."

"But you should know, Mother. If you want to come to Midgard, we'd welcome you with open arms," Thor argues. It was something that confused the thunderer in a longer while anyways. That Odin didn't visit was everything he expected, but Thor had been honestly convinced that at least Frigga would come to Midgard to pay Loki a visit in banishment, once in a while. When Loki was still imprisoned in the dungeons, Thor knows that Frigga saw him at least once a day, and that even though Odin made it clear that she should rather ignore the God of Mischief. However, Frigga had only told him that one sentence, and that sentence had been enough: " _A mother's love knows no limits, and surely it knows no prison bars_."

So truly, Thor is confused that Frigga never came to earth to see them, not only just once, for he knows how deeply she cares about Loki, still.

"And I would if I had a chance to," Frigga sighs, the white in her eyes turning grey as she bows her head in sadness.

"What do you mean? Sif also traveled with the Bifröst, so can you, too," Thor argues.

"Your father does not want me to travel. He doesn't want many travels anyways. He only lets very few use the Bifröst," Frigga explains.

"But you are the Allmother," Thor grimaces. She never was just an asset. Frigga always was a woman of pride - and even the Allfather didn't make her keep silent if she wanted to speak. She always fought for what she considered worth the fight - and this seems to be worth the fight for her.

"And he is the Allfather and King of Asgard. What he says is rule. I tried to talk him out of it, but your father is just... very set in his ways, at least he is so lately," Frigga explains, dread tugging at her, pulling her down. "But... let's not think about that for now... so... how... how is Loki?"

Her eyes instantly flicker with motherly affection and enthusiasm at the mention of his name.

"Loki? Loki is... is fine," Thor assures her.

"Really?" she asks.

"Yes, in best health and... still as witty," Thor smirks.

"That is good. I already feared that either one of my sons would be in trouble," Frigga lets a sigh of relief. Thor grimaces, well... son, maybe no longer. And not in trouble... not really.

"Loki is really good... and well-integrated into the team now," Thor tells her, hoping that he makes no mistake by referring to her as... _her._ That would cause questions that Loki would smack him for.

"Really?" Frigga asks almost excitedly.

"Yes, Loki has friends now, with the Avengers. And Loki holds them... very dear," Thor goes on.

"Friends?" Frigga smiles. "That truly is a relief. Loki always struggled making friends. He was such a special child after all, just as were you."

Thor grins at her. It amuses him that even to this day, she always tries not to make it sound like she favored one of the two children, though it was obvious to entire Asgard that Loki was her favorite. She didn't love him more, it's just that they connected on a different level that no one could ever explain.

"Tell me more, please," Frigga almost begs him. "I know that I'm probably annoying you out of your mind, my son, but... I just don't get any opportunity to..."

"Mother, it's perfectly fine. I'm not jealous," Thor assures her, clapping her hand encouragingly. He one was, but that is over now. He is no longer a child.

"You must think that I don't care at all about you, but... but that's really not the case. It's just that I can't talk to anyone about him... you know why," she admits. "Even your father..."

"But now we are alone, right?" Thor winks at her.

"Right, so... how is he? What is he doing?" Frigga asks, urges.

"Well, I already told you last time that Loki greatly enjoys working on machines and invents things that are amazing everyone. And he greatly helped improving the weapons we use," Thor smirks proudly. He honestly enjoys to finally have good news to tell - if only for the light sparking to Frigga's eyes.

"He always was a rather creative child," Frigga nods.

"Certainly," Thor agrees. "I think Loki... enjoys this. Just as he enjoys working with his friends on those projects. Loki likes to spend time with them."

"So you tell me, is he happy?" Frigga asks.

"Yes, Loki is happy," Thor assures her. Frigga clasps the hem of her cleavage, letting a sigh of relief, closing her eyes for a moment.

"And I already feared that his heart was still heavy from... from this banishment," she exhales.

"Loki is fine, Mother. I think... he found a place on Midgard," Thor goes on.

"That makes me glad... but I have to admit that my heart feels heavy at this also," she tells him.

"Why is that?" Thor asks.

"Because I can't see him being happy... I just miss one of my children, my son. Blood or not. This never mattered to me," she shakes her head. The first time she cradled that Jotun child looking like an Aesir in her arms, Frigga knew she was in love with this creature and promised to protect it to her last breath. And it tears her apart every single day anew to pass by Loki's former chambers and find them empty, to know that her child, her son is out there, somewhere, and she can't see him, can't talk to him – and finally do what Frigga wanted to do all the while, _apologize._ Apologize for how Odin does not even consider to lift his banishment and finally bring him home. And how sorry she is for the pain the two caused Loki by keeping his true heritage from him. Even if Frigga honestly believed that it was for Loki's best, the past has proven that it wasn't. The way Frigga sees it now, it was them who caused all this hatred in Loki that made him attack Odin, Asgard, and later Midgard also. Yet, far more importantly, Loki also attacked himself, scarred himself so much that it broke the mother's heart. Frigga can only hardly imagine what this pain must have been like – and how far one goes with such a pain in his chest to relieve it, in whatever the way. To lose everything you thought you could never lose. To learn something you thought couldn't ever be true. To be apart from those people you thought would never leave you. That is a desperation that drives you to the extremest actions. She sees that now. Loki didn't just fall into that abyss, they all pushed him to that rim.

"He misses you, too," Thor tells her.

"He does?" she frowns at him. "Now don't flatter me, Thor."

"Loki sent me to you with this message," Thor assures her.

"He did?" Frigga blinks against the tears evading her eyes.

"Yes," Thor nods. "Loki cares a lot about you."

"And I thought that he still hated me for... all this," she sighs.

"No, no hate for you, Mother," Thor tells her. "Loki's... greatly changed. Well, or maybe not _changed,_ but... changed back? Loki is no longer so full of scorn and hatred."

Because it would be wrong to say that Loki is now only good because of drastic changes. No, Thor knows now that this tender, soft and caring side that he loves about her so much was simply hidden deep within, below the layers of ice and wicked smiles. Loki didn't become another person, it's just that her true personality now finally managed to creep its way from seed to the first tender and vulnerable bud break through the earth, and bend towards the light.

"You make it almost sound like this banishment is actually for Loki's best," she snorts.

"I think it's better than the time in the dungeons," Thor shrugs helplessly. Because, deep down, he knows that this banishment was for Loki's best.

"Most certainly, but... there I had at least a chance to see him, as selfish as that may sound. He seems so far away now," she sighs. "But I suppose that is the price you pay for your wrongdoings of the past."

"Loki does anything to redeem himself," Thor insists.

"I'm not talking about _his_ wrongdoings," Frigga tells him. The thunderer stares at her this time.

"Even if your father may beg to differ, I see that almost all of Loki's actions are the result of our wrongdoing, of our lie," Frigga goes on. "I'm not blind, Thor. It doesn't take a genius' mind like Loki's to see that what we did didn't do him any good, but only brought about more pain within his scarred heart. No matter why we did it, for political reasons or out of the fear to make him feel even more different than he is anyways... I see that we went wrong. We should have told him... long, long time ago. Maybe all this wouldn't have happened if we had addressed this openly... I don't know. It just feels wrong to me now."

"I know what you mean," Thor sighs. "I see it in a different light now also."

"So you two... are past your quarrels?" she asks.

"We still quarrel, but no longer about these things, but rather the small things," Thor smirks.

"I'm glad to hear that. It made me so upset that you two didn't get along at first," Frigga grimaces, the memories still vivid in her mind how Thor was only reporting about the wrongdoings, if at all, or only words of scorn and dread that the trickster was probably just playing them.

"Well, there were just... many obstacles to overcome," Thor shrugs.

"And I still have those hurdles ahead of me, as it seems," Frigga shrugs.

"I honestly think that you won't have to overcome too many. Loki is still very fond of you, Mother, I assure you," Thor argues.

"That child, really...," she exhales.

"But now, I'm sorry, but I have to ask – what is it with Father? Why is he behaving so strangely?" Thor urges.

"If I only knew what caused this change within his heart. If I didn't know better, I'd say that he is still dreading everything that loomed around Loki's outburst. He is just so... full of darkness lately," she shakes her head sadly. "He set up new politics, new rules."

"What do you mean?" Thor blinks at her.

"Well, you should remember what you two worked on for a while," Frigga shrugs.

"The peace negotiations with the other realms, yes," Thor nods. Those were some of his proudest achievements as one of Asgard's royals. He and Odin set out to the other realms to come up with treaties to ensure a harmonic co-existence. And when Thor left to Midgard for a while longer, he had left the situation as simply needing more time to develop. Many emperors and leaders had to think this through – and in politics, even Thor learned by now, you have to wait and learn the arts of patience. However, now it seems that he may have waited too long.

"Odin has not done anything since to... work on them," Frigga bites her lower lip.

"What?!" Thor cries out exasperatedly.

"His new politics are that of... exclusion. He wants to make Asgard a secluded place again, the way it was eons back... which is also why he is so angry at you for staying away for so long. He wants you here, just as he wants everyone here. He wants to close the gates... you opened," Frigga tells him in a hushed voice.

"He can't do that!" Thor growls, but Frigga holds him back, "Not so loud."

Thor sucks in a deep breath and tries to calm himself.

"What is he thinking?!" Thor asks, now in a mute voice.

"He does what is his right," Frigga tells him. "If he, as the Allfather, decides to cut all ties to the realms, then that is so."

"But that is madness!" Thor insists. "He was the one to push the treaties."

"I know," Frigga nods. "And I don't like this either. Look, I spent the last months trying to bring your father to reason, but he is not listening. He is convinced that we are corrupting Asgard by opening the gates. He made that mistake once with... and... ugh, I don't even want to remember that."

"You mean... he says so because of what happened with Loki?" Thor grimaces. Can Odin be really that far gone that he thinks Loki's outburst is reason enough to justify to cut all ties to the other realms? How can he think that, with only a single memory of holding that babe in his arms?

How can he?

"I don't think that he actually believes in it. It's just that he uses it as a justification for his actions," Frigga exhales wearily.

"So does that mean... about my... mission," Thor grimaces uncomfortably.

"Even if I don't know for sure, I would say that he will make you deliver to them a script stating that he seeks to cut all ties to Vanaheimr," Frigga agrees.

"Then I will not go," Thor shakes his head.

"You will if he makes you, Thor," Frigga argues. "Or do you sincerely believe that any one of us fancies what Odin does lately? Be assured that no one wants this. You opened a door for us, and now it's shut in front of our eyes again. Yet, we have to keep in mind that we are a realm of tradition. And tradition demands that what your father says is rule."

"Then what am I supposed to do? Just stand by and... watch it happen?" Thor shakes his head.

"Talk him out of it. Maybe you can convince him," Frigga replies. "He listened to you before... and you are the one who is across, who can say that... that this is good, that opening the gates is right."

"You should have sent for me sooner if that was the state of affairs," Thor argues.

"I would have," she shrugs. "But as I said, Odin... doesn't want us to. So we had to wait for his patience to wear thin and call you back."

"I can't believe this," Thor shakes his head.

"I wish I could tell you that this was all just a dream, a fever mare, but... it's reality," Frigga tells him.

"I hardly recognized him when I first saw him," Thor exhales.

"He turns obscurer in front of my eyes with every day passing," Frigga sighs.

"Well, you're right, though. I will talk to him. Maybe he will listen to reason if I show him that opening the gates is the right decision after all," Thor nods to himself. If only he could make it clear to Odin just how good this is, how there are companions on earth, willing to fight alongside him, and therefore Asgard. How he found love in this realm, thanks to this realm, and that love stemming from yet another realm they used to be at strife with. If only Thor could tell either one that he is in love with Loki and that there is no longer any threat. That all can lay down their swords. An Aesir and a Jotun in love in Midgard. Isn't this just the proof that opening the gates brings about the greatest fortune, can bring peace and love, harmony? If this can happen, then why and how can Odin, for only the blink of an eye, believe that one has to cut the ties when they should be holding on to them as tightly as they can?

If only he could tell them.

"But you should wait until later, so that he is calmer when you face him. Believe me, I can tell you from experience that Odin will only move if he is at least calm enough to listen to you," Frigga reminds him. Thor nods, "Then it shall be so."

He kisses the back of her hand as both get up.

"I will find a way to fix this, Mother, I promise you," Thor tells her, putting as much credibility into the statement as he can. Because he has to find a way, somehow, anyhow. There is just too much on the line that he cannot afford to lose.

"I have faith in you," she smiles sadly. "So... I shall see you at the dinner table."

"Yes," Thor nods. Frigga turns on the heel and walks further down the balconies, glancing into the sun. Thor grimaces as he makes his way to his chambers. However, on the way there he bumps into the Warrior Three and the Lady Sif.

"My friends!" Thor cries out gleefully as he claps them on the shoulders and shakes hands. He knows that he can always trust those people.

"Well, you finally made your way back," Fandral grins. "Are the women on Midgard so exquisite that you just forget about Asgard, or what?"

Sif hits him in the side.

"Midgard is full of fine people," Thor smirks.

"Well, I did not have the honor to meet many of them, for our stay on Midgard was quite short... thanks to some circumstances revolving around a certain trickster who wanted to be King," Fandral chuckles. "How is the little devil anyways?"

Thor bites down whatever comment he may have in mind to bring Loki out of that dreadful spot of always being made the villain in any conversation, while also never being taken seriously.

"Loki is well," Thor eventually says. "And gets along really well with the Avengers."

"That seems hardly possibly in my opinion," Volstagg laughs throatily.

"Well, you know what they say," Fandral shrugs. "Miracles happen once upon a time."

"But some miracles just don't," Sif huffs dismissively.

"But that miracle happened indeed," Thor manages a weary smirk. "But enough of that. I would rather hear about you and the businesses of Asgard."

"Are you really that desperate to bypass the topic, Thor?" Volstagg grins.

"I'm not. I just don't see the sense in debating on this. You haven't seen Loki in a while, so you can't tell, really, so why should we bother with the issue?" Thor argues.

"He is right, we have far more urgent affairs than the trickster," Sif agrees.

"I'm just saying. If we believe in the Allfather's words, then that trickster is one of the reasons why we are in such a deep trouble," Volstagg snorts.

"It has nothing to do with Loki's actions for sure," Thor shakes his head. "That lies now almost two years back now."

"And you were gone for three months. You didn't see him raging," Fandral joins the other warrior in the argument.

"In fact I did not," Thor agrees. "But even if Father did mention Loki in that context, I think it must be something out of the heat of the moment."

"He said that we have to cut all ties to the other realms, for he once let one bundle travel across – and it almost cost him his life, and the throne," Volstagg tells the thunderer. "If this wasn't aimed at Loki, then I don't know what would be."

"My friend, don't you see that it remains that it is about getting things straight with my Father only? Loki is back on Midgard. What could he do under my watchful eye, huh?" Thor argues. And he hates it, hates it that even now in banishment, Loki is the one to be blamed for something that truly cannot be her fault - because she isn't even there.

"I don't care. I just say that he is the cause of this trouble – for he is tearing us apart," Volstagg grumbles.

"What do you mean?" Thor frowns, but that is when Hogun suddenly speaks up, "Because I'm not of Aesir blood either, I was warned that I might have to return to my homeland."

"What?!" Thor exclaims. "Since when does he consider that?"

"He only let us know today... which is one of the reasons why we came for you," Sif answers solemnly.

"He must be out of his mind," Thor exhales, running a shaky hand through his hair. And here he was and believed that he was simply returning home, but now... now everything seems to crumble before his eyes and Thor can't help but miss Loki. You can say about her what you want, but Loki is a born tactician. She'd surely know a way of how to handle this situation with a kind of calm and wit that Thor lacks at this point, for he only feels pain in his heart that makes him want to just jump into action, even though he knows that this would be perfectly futile.

"So what do you intend to do now, my Prince?" Sif asks, hugging her arms.

"I will talk to him. Perhaps I can bring him to reason," Thor explains.

"But what is if you can't?" the female warrior inquires.

"Then we will have to come up with something else," Thor shrugs. He would love to just happen to have a good plan, but he knows nothing. Everything is suddenly covered in layers of thick smoke, blurring his vision.

"You have to stop this," Volstagg urges him. "Or else Asgard won't be anymore."

"I will. Have faith, my friends," Thor nods, clapping them on the shoulders for comfort and encouragement. He doesn't know what else to do, to be perfectly honest. Not only is he now confronted with a changed past, about the many times Thor thought that had been reality, when in fact it had been another, one filled with Loki's pains and her sufferings thanks to his ignorance and Odin's anger. However, now even the present and future seem to be corrupted by this evil spirit that suddenly looms over the Great Halls, the palace he grew up in, the place he calls home. This is no longer the home he knew, and Thor starts to doubt that it ever was or will ever be again.

"Faith alone won't save us," Sif warns him.

"But it's never a wrong thing to do," Thor smirks, to which she can't help a small smile either. They engage in casual chat after that, though Thor is only halfway listening to the conversations. He can't remember Asgard's air feeling this cold against his skin, and not once has he felt this uncomfortable in his own home.

* * *

Later on, Thor finds himself in the dining room with opulent meal on golden plates with Mother and Father to either side. And even though this should feel familiar, it feels foreign now. The sweet fruit taste sour, the mead bitter.

"So, Father, how are the peace treaties going?" Thor asks after a while, not meeting the older man's eyes. The God of Thunder wants to try to lead to the matter in a more subtle way and not just go ahead and accuse Odin of his bad decisions. Or well, Thor would like to, but he sees that he can't do that without risking what he holds dear.

"The peace treaties go nowhere," Odin tells him without only a moment of hesitance. "I decided that this is not fitting our politics and has thus to be neglected."

"But we worked on them so very hard – and the other realms seemed quite responsive to the idea," Thor argues, still keeping up a casual tone.

"It does not matter. You weren't there, so you can't tell. The negotiations only brought about more trouble. And that is why I decided to put an end to this enterprise. We simply return to the old rule," Odin tells him. "Though that is obviously something you're already aware of. Or else you wouldn't ask in such a tone."

"Well, frankly, Father, it's not hard to guess that something is not going the way it should go, for there are so many solemnly looking faces around the palace," Thor snorts.

"Watch your tone," Odin warns him with a hiss.

"I don't think that my tone upsets you, but rather what I have to say, Father," Thor argues.

"You are still not King of Asgard. That makes my word rule, you should remember that," Odin tells him icily.

"Father, I do not wish to be at strife with you. I am honestly confused that you stepped down from something that was actually working in everyone's favor. You were the one who taught me how we have to strive for peace and harmony to have safety. You were the one who drilled it into me that one cannot just go to war to bring peace, but that it takes time, negotiations and understanding for the others," Thor tells him, hoping that these words will somehow reach the Allfather, but his grimace remains grim.

"And peace is what we will have, just in another way. You should know best that we went too easy, let too much in when we shouldn't have let anything in," Odin argues.

"What do you mean? Why do _I_ know best?" Thor frowns.

"You know best for you are bound to live with the consequence of this weakness, of this attempt of peace. We let him close in the hope to bridge the worlds, but you see what became of it, Thor," Odin tells him.

"You're talking about Loki," Thor grimaces, though he would rather not believe in this. When Mother and his friends said so, he thought they were actually blowing this topic up into a major topic, but now... it becomes painful reality, Odin sincerely believes in this. Thor can see it in his eyes that seem to be so much darker these days.

"Loki is doing well on Midgard and works eagerly on redemption," Thor says, not knowing what else to say. "As I told you before."

"And it does not matter. The past showed us that we were wrong in the belief that bridging would be helpful. If one good idea came from your adoptive brother's outburst, then it was to destroy the Bifröst and cut all ties to the other realms," Odin tells him.

"You can't be sincere, Father. We have the Bifröst for just that reason. Why would we wish to destroy it when this was a right given to us? A privilege? A responsibility? We could move so much for everyone if we kept the gates open," Thor argues vehemently.

"It was wrong, simple as that," Odin replies. "Our responsibility is to Asgard and Asgard alone. You have to learn that lesson, still, Thor."

"But by telling the others that we do not wish to cooperate with them, we will only be more at strife with them than we used to before we started with the treaties, Father. We endanger Asgard more than we'd help it," Thor responds, his voice rising in anger.

"That is only true for as long as we still have business with them. I already work on a way that will make it very hard for any traveler to come our way. We will be safe," Odin argues.

"There is no spell strong enough, not even you can cast it, Father," Thor retorts, not quite believing it. His father is a man of wit, but this just seems too outrageous to be true.

"Do you doubt me that much in my abilities, really, Thor?" he huffs. "Believe me, son, I can do a lot more than you may think."

"Oh, I'm well-aware of that circumstance. Because you are actually thinking about this, and that is nothing I ever thought you were capable of doing to your own race and that of the other realms."

"Watch your mouth, Thor Odinson," Odin threatens him.

"You just have to let go of the hatred, Father. I know that this is a hard task, but you were the one who taught me this lesson. Why don't you listen to your own advice?" Thor questions in a low voice.

"You are mistaken if you think this is an action of the heart. I am acting as Asgard's King. I make a political decision, one I made before already," Odin argues. "Or do you tell me that I have been wrong in my politics all this time?"

"No, that you set it that way was necessary," Thor replies. Odin smirks, but the God of Thunder carries on, "It was necessary, but it was only necessary for that time. We now have different times, Father. We are no longer the realm we used to be. We can't just go back like that. We are heading towards the future, and that future won't be satisfied with simply applying what once worked for Asgard. We have to see that we have changed. This realm has changed. And that change demands that we change tactics, change goals, seek further, seek more."

"And it was that adventurous spirit that brought about all this trouble, Thor. Perhaps we live in different times now, but you have to see that we are a realm of tradition," Odin argues.

"Forget the traditions!" Thor cries out, standing up, banging his palms on the tabletop.

"Now you will sit back down and don't you dare talk to me that way," Odin narrows his eyes at him. Thor reluctantly sits back down, his nostrils flaring.

"You shall never forget the traditions. They are the mainframes of this country," Odin lectures him.

"The pillars of the country are its people," Thor shakes his head.

"And they hold traditions alive. That is our way to honor the ancestors, to hold the past alive in the present," Odin argues.

"At the cost of the future?!" Thor curses. "Traditions which demand from us that we have to stagnate and stand still are no traditions worth to follow, Father. We are heading towards a new world, an open world. And it contains all these places that lie beyond the palace."

"A realm without traditions is a realm of chaos. You can force change only so and so far without your card house collapsing upon you, Thor. Not every change is for good," Odin hisses.

"Neither is every tradition that we want to stick to. Some traditions simply belong to the past," Thor replies, not wavered by the Allfather's words. He saw the new world, he saw it in Loki's eyes, in his friendship with the Avengers. There is a way out of this hatred, there is a way towards unity and a way towards peace. Yet, for that one has to let go of the past and look into the future, with bright eyes and open heart.

"So you think I belong to the past, too?" Odin snarls.

"Only if you hold on to those traditions that already tasted the savor of decay," Thor tells him.

"And here I thought you learned your lesson. The same words I heard when I banished you," Odin snorts.

"No, because back then I didn't know what I was talking about, but now I do, Father. This is madness. This is wrong. We should step ahead, and not back. We should embrace change and not neglect it. We should do everything to bridge the gaps between the realms and use what was given to us to make that happen," Thor argues. "I'm no longer the pouting child that you banished to Midgard to learn his lesson. I grew. Because you showed me and because I saw that true victory can only be achieved by modesty, patience and charity, but not by means of war or exclusion. We have to change our course or we will go down."

"You don't have the foresight, my son," Odin shakes his head.

"I have enough to see that this is leading us nowhere, Father," Thor argues.

"Enough!" Odin suddenly yells, banging his fists on the table even stronger than Thor did.

"Odin," Frigga tries in a soothing voice, but the Allfather is not even taking notice of her.

"I am King, you are the Prince. That means you follow my command, or I shall strip you of your title and send you back into banishment," Odin curses.

"Odin, now that is enough," Frigga snarls angrily.

"It is enough that he dares to talk to me like that, wife," the Allfather argues, before he turns his attention back to Thor. "For as long as I'm still King, I decide. And you will follow my instructions. You have to know your place, my son. And to make it clear to you – it is not Midgard."

"You give me any reason to believe that it truly is," Thor argues. "Because I don't recognize this place anymore. Or what you try to make of it."

"Because you're not around," Odin retorts. "Instead of standing up for your country, for your people, you play hero back in Midgard, to have them celebrate you, cherish you, so you can feel more like a God and less like a politician that you are by blood and responsibility to the throne you are to inherit one day. But until that day comes, you are to obey me. I will not accept this back-talking anymore, or else I have to run rings around you, ring that will certainly lead you away from that other realm you fancy."

Thor blinks at him like a fish out of the water. Odin threatens him to imprison him here in Asgard?

"Father, I'm Midgard's keeper," Thor argues.

"And if you want it to stay that way a while longer, you better regain your respect for me," Odin snarls. "And get back my trust in you."

"How?" Thor croaks.

"You will go to Vanaheimr as I told you to. Is that understood?" Odin sneers. Thor searches his mother's eyes for guidance, and they tell him the answer: _Stay out of that fight, you will not win it_.

So Thor bows his head and grits his teeth as he mutters, "Of course, Father, as you wish."

With that he gets up from his seat, "If you'd excuse me? I'm still... tired of my voyage. I shall repair to my chambers and see you in the morning."

Thor leaves without another word, stalking down the now dark hallways that swallow his shadow greedily. He loudly opens and shuts the doors leading to his chambers. Thor heavily sits down on the bed and buries his head in his hands.

He never felt this alone in his home as he does at this very moment.

"Lend me strength, Loki," Thor mutters to himself.

"Lend me strength to make this a home again."


	34. The Melody of Friendship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony talks to Loki, now that her "dearest" is in Asgard. 
> 
> Actions are taken to help the God of Mischief deal with missing Thor. 
> 
> Instruments also play a role.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking around ^^
> 
> I know that this chapter does not push the Asgard-arc, but I wanted to have a bit of a friendship moment before heading back into the drama.

Loki sits at the desk in her room, busying herself with writing, reading, drawing, and occasionally sending some smaller objects flying through the air, if only for a little imaginary dance to make a smile creep up her lips. One of the things Loki loves about magic is that it can be so silent. Of course that is a great advantage when it comes to fighting, but she always found that somehow soothing, to watch little marbles and liquid flying through the air as though it no longer had any weight, as though it could just fly away, something that Loki, at least in the early years, found more than tempting. To simply escape, out the window, and fly beyond the Rainbow Bridge. Only once Loki was old enough to travel alone did she get opportunity to get a taste of what she considered freedom. Now she is mostly fine with the little freedoms.

Even if a part of her would love to fly away right now, too.

Because a cage, no matter how big, remains a cage.

Especially if it keeps you away from the one person you have inside your heart.

Loki looks up, letting her work rest for a second. Before she hears the beep from the door, the trickster already rolls her eyes annoyed, "Stark, come in already. I can hear you thinking through the wall. And your thoughts are ever so disturbing."

And of course Tony makes his entrance with his signature smirk a second later, "You know, others pay for my awesome ideas."

"And for some of your ideas... you'd probably end up in prison," Loki retorts, her eyes not leaving her notes once. Not that this is anything new. It became their kind of game. Even if Loki is often irritated by Tony's behavior and jokes, she can't deny that on the scientific level, she very much enjoys the way he thinks – because it is outside the box, a step ahead, not just testing the unknown waters, but taking a full step into it, no matter what ground will be found, if at all. And that he always takes things with humor is something that Loki can honestly relate to. She also likes to use sarcasm as both a shield and a way of expressing herself. The same seems to be true for Tony, as she learned, which is why Loki starts to feel this... nagging sensation that he actually managed what he warned her about what seems to be so far back already. Something he said to her short after she befriended Bruce – and was still rather hostile towards Tony.

" _I'll grow on you, trust me. Coz I'm adorable_."

Well, maybe not adorable in Loki's opinion, for that he is just too annoying and doesn't listen to his master's orders, but... Tony _did_ grow on her. Friendship is a curious thing, really. Just like love. You don't choose it. It just happens. And now... that man happens to be her friend. Yet, Loki is now with Thor, too – and if that can actually happen, then a friendship with Tony doesn't seem that farfetched anymore, at least in the trickster's opinion.

The mechanic makes his way over to her desk, his eyes scanning the notes scattered all over it.

"Let's see what we have here... hm, new construction plans, nothing uncommon... more equations... look like fun... hm... drawings... you really have a way with these, though I find that dark one rather creepy. You should draw more rainbows and unicorns, that lightens up the mood... and... is that... Greek? Since when do you speak Greek?" he frowns as he skims through the pages. Loki swats his hands away with a snort, "I don't speak it, yet. I get better writing it. I'm working on translations."

"Why?" Tony makes a face.

"Why not?" she blinks at him.

"... I mean, it's cool that you speak so many of the... alien-languages, but... why would you want to speak... ours, I mean, like... all of them?" Tony frowns.

"I always took a liking to languages. The underlying messages and codes in words fascinate me since my early days. And more practically, I like the thought of being able to communicate with people, even if I don't know them. Once you know the language, you know part of the cultural code, and that way... you bypass a lot of trouble. Believe me that much, it saved my life more than once," Loki explains.

"How?" Tony grimaces.

"Well, you see... there was this one time... in the early times of my voyages, where I came to a realm perfectly foreign to me. It was mere chance I found my way there. I never read about it in any of my books. When I encountered its inhabitants, I was suddenly confronted with a language I didn't understand. And they didn't understand me. They took me for an intruder, even if, back then, I had no such intention, for my purpose was solely to travel and... discover, see. Well, so I tried gestures which most commonly denote that you do not seek to fight, I kept a generous distance, made no rash movements, and took on tone and words that generally speak for a positive attitude," Loki explains.

"Sure," Tony nods.

"Well, the next thing I remember is that they tackled me down, hit me with something very hard in the back of the head and... so I learned... wanted to sacrifice me to their Gods," Loki goes on, much more casually than Tony would feel about such a memory. How often was that God actually on the verge of death on the voyages, really?

"How did you maneuver out of that one?" the mechanic makes a face.

"Well, since they couldn't actually hold me, I thought I would give it at least a try to solve it another way. It was such a rare chance of observing another culture no one of Asgard knew about that I didn't want to let it go to waste by... hurting and scaring them. Since they waited for a certain star constellation to sacrifice me, I took my time studying those people until I figured out how their language worked. And apparently, it was that many things were the other way around. What most people see as welcoming or peaceful, they saw as aggressive. That I kept a distance was wrong, since they always put their heads together when they really wanted to talk. They spoke in what we figure is a harsh tone when they were trying to negotiate while they used a softer tone for when they were aggressive. Once I figured the code out, I told them that I was a traveler and not there to harm them in any way – and so on. They were so shocked to have me answering in their tongue that they almost toppled over," she chuckles softly at the memory.

"You seriously laugh about a bunch of aliens trying to kill you by sacrificing you to _their._.. Gods?" Tony can't help but frown.

"I was in no severe danger. They kept me in a simple _wooden_ cage. It would have taken me not much to get away from them," Loki argues.

"So... you're a full-fledged linguist after all, huh?" Tony shrugs.

"I guess, at least I find it particularly interesting," Loki shrugs, leaning back in her chair, but then frowns. "... but that is _not_ what you came for... what _did_ you come for here?"

"Just checking on you, little Empress," Tony replies.

"Checking on me – for what?" she grimaces.

"Well, I see that you're busying yourself with tons of work. Like literally, I think there is a ton of paper on that table...," Tony grimaces at the sheer mass of papers. Loki rolls her eyes, "Are we getting to a point sometime soon? Or else I will go on with my studies until you sorted yourself out."

"Well, you know... Thor's away and you were all lovey-dovey and now... nyah," Tony grimaces.

"Oh, so you think I miss him and therefore bury myself in work," Loki concludes.

"Well, it's the way most... partners react when in a relationship... and the other one has to leave for a while," Tony shrugs.

"So, as I take it, the Avengers have yet taken it upon themselves to make sure that I don't do something stupid, for I'm known and feared for my mood-swings?" Loki snorts.

"We're just... concerned," Tony argues. "Look, it must be hard and..."

"I spent eons of time without the dull oaf. I will manage a few weeks without crawling up and down the walls. And for that, apparently, they invented good old work. That keeps one's mind sharp and focused, which is much more productive than is moping. I had that before, it really wasn't that fruitful," Loki huffs.

"So you are compensating after all," Tony smirks almost victoriously.

"I'm supposed to worry less. And I don't worry for as long as I'm productive," Loki tells him.

"So you don't miss him, you're just... worried," Tony translates.

"Well, I would kick his arse if he didn't come back and just leave me here, but I find it far more unsettling that Asgard is going up in flames thanks to Odin's madness, _again,"_ Loki argues.

"That's true, of course...," Tony exhales.

"And yes, I do miss him," Loki admits, not meeting Tony's eyes. The mechanic chooses not to comment. He knows how precious such moments are – when Loki admits not only weakness, but also her tender side to show, the one that cares and is simply loving and craving to be loved. For her it's still hard at times to let go, even around the people she learned to trust by now. And judging by her background story, Tony honestly understands that the trickster is rather hesitant about letting go. People she should have been granted to fully believe in lied to her. That is a kind of trust break that no one takes easily – and is surely enough of a reason to be rather cynical. Though Loki starts to warm up more often. It just takes some time to break through her defenses.

"Well, since that means that you are kinda down, I came up with something, coz I'm just that much of an amazing BFF," Tony snickers.

"Binary File Format?" Loki makes a face.

"... you seriously know _that_ abbreviation, but not what I mean?" Tony makes a face.

"... if it is pop culture reference again, then I most certainly do not know," Loki shakes her head. Tony still tries to get her into all those TV shows he adores, but the trickster watches most of them only in the service of science. After all, Loki has another "fun project" now, and that is to study humans. Understanding their kind of narrative, at least in her opinion, is always a good starting point, though there are some shows that just make her turn off the TV and leave the room.

Humans impress her often, but sometimes... they are just so dull.

"This is more a social media thing," Tony argues.

"... I don't like social media. Too much of a network to be social. And too social to be a network. And as I discovered, what people put on the internet is often even more disturbing than is what you come up with," Loki shakes her head. "And that seems hardly possible."

"Best Friend Forever," Tony dead-pans.

"I liked the Binary File Format better," Loki snickers.

"Fine, my little File. I came up with something to maybe take your mind off of missing Thor and worrying yourself sick," Tony tells her sarcastically.

"I thought that what I do here is serving just that purpose?" Loki grimaces.

"But that's boring and... boring," Tony shakes his head. "And not social."

"Oh, yes, and Master Fury underlined again and again that I'm supposed to be social," Loki nods.

"Now don't be a mood-kill," Tony pouts.

"... fine, I bite. What is this grand activity supposed to be?" Loki rolls her eyes.

"Nah, that's a secret until we get there," Tony snickers.

"You think that lures me out of my room...? For someone who can build devices like you... this is fairly obvious," Loki grimaces.

"I don't see the point in setting up a great plot or whatever. That is more of your department," Tony argues, to which Loki nods her head, "True again."

"So?" Tony wiggles his eyebrows at her expectantly.

" _So?"_ Loki mimics him.

"Are you coming or what?" Tony snorts.

"Well, if this distracts me somehow, it might be for good, but if this is supposed to be me acting as other people for your entertainment, I will personally behead you," Loki warns him.

"That was just once and it was _hilarious!"_ Tony argues vehemently. He counts that to one of his happiest memories in life.

"It was stupid and Master Fury was mad at me for about a month. I still think he is...," Loki mutters. At some point she honestly asks herself why she ever let Tony talk her into it. Against better judgment, she had actually posed as Fury, only to have him walk in on her. Tony rolled on the floor holding his stomach, the others were confused, and Loki never saw the secret spy so aggravated, not even when she created possible nuclear weapons out of thin air. Though she can't push aside the feeling that this was more of an act back then to make her join the team and make the team fully accept her as a member. Not that she knows for sure...

Yet, it seems to be the case that somehow... Tony, as her... friend... manages to make her do stupid things, acting like a child again.

But maybe that's just what she needs.

Who knows?

"I think he's just mad that you never listen to his orders," Tony shrugs.

"Oh, that couldn't be further from the truth. I do listen to his orders," Loki argues. Tony snorts, "Yeah, right."

"I do follow his commands, but only if I find them right. That is a huge difference," Loki scolds. "If I never listened to him, it would be a very childish action and little productive. What I do is to critically evaluate his commands, and based on that evaluation decide whether or not I take part in it."

"Which you then, ever so eloquently, simply reward with a bitch-face or you turn around and leave the room," Tony smirks.

Loki did that a few times by now. The first time she did it after Fury suggested a plan for new tactics. Loki got up from her chair wordlessly and simply left the room. Tony had never seen Fury that distracted, really. Even the badass spy of the millenium was caught off guard by that and simply stared after the raven as she left the conference. When Fury came back to his senses, he managed to ask the others if something was wrong with her, to which all shrugged in unison. Loki appeared a few minutes later, sat back down and asked if they could turn to a different topic. When Fury wanted to go on with his plan another time, she left the room again. It took them two more tries until all figured out what she was really up to – and then all simply agreed on a different plan.

"His plan was utterly ridiculous," Loki argues.

"Well, you know, conventionally, you still listen to that someone – and simply ignore him with a smile," Tony smirks. "That's what I do, too."

"I don't want to fill my mind with unnecessary information. That was such. So rather than changing him into a toad, I left the room. I found that more appropriate according to _your_ rules of convention," Loki argues with an air of nonchalance.

"... I think you kinda exaggerated when you did it over and over again," Tony smirks.

"He didn't stop talking about this nonsense," Loki argues vehemently.

"Because he was convinced that it was an awesome idea," Tony shrugs his shoulders.

"Then he was clearly a victim of fundamental fallacy," Loki huffs.

"You will never admit out loud when you're wrong, right?" Tony smirks.

"I won't deny or affirm it," Loki grins. "Because either option would imply that I'd ever be wrong."

"Fine, little Empress, enough of how you're so much smarter than the rest, and let me prove you wrong. Because I'm the smartest person who ever walked the face of earth."

"In your dreams alone," Loki hums as she gets up from her seat.

"Now come already," Tony urges her. Loki rolls her eyes as she follows the billionaire. He leads her outside where his Ferrari is already waiting for them. Loki cocks an eyebrow as he opens the door for her, but then gets into the passenger seat. Tony then gets into the driver's seat, starts the engine, grins at the beautiful sound, and starts to speed down the streets.

"Lady Romanov informed me that men use cars as an extension of their power to further affirm their manhood," Loki says with a hum.

"So?" Tony smirks.

"Well, this car, then... certainly means that you have to affirm that manhood quite badly," Loki grins mischievously.

"No, that's a mistake, little Empress," Tony scolds her. "I have a big car because my power and manhood just need something that matches this epic awesomeness, even if it never comes quite close."

"I really start to understand why Thor likes you. The two of you boast about yourselves so much that it hurts one's ears," Loki grins.

"Well, he surely likes you more than me," Tony wiggles his eyebrows at her with a smug smile tugging at his lips.

"It is your luck that you are currently riding that car, or else I would smack you across the face," Loki tells him nonchalantly, hugging her arms.

"It's so cute when you're affectionately hostile," Tony snickers.

"I'm just hostile," Loki corrects him.

They continue in silence. Loki watches the streetlights being extended by the illusion of speed to long threads of different color. Tony parks the car in front of what turns out to be a bar.

"Your grand surprise is a bar night?" Loki makes a face. She actually thought it would be... a bit more dramatic. That man is about as much of a drama queen as she is.

"I never said it was a grand surprise. It's just a change of scenery," Tony argues. "And they have the best Scotch you've ever had, trust me."

"Oh, that, of course, changes about everything," she snorts.

"C'mon, now don't be a poor sport," Tony snorts.

"Fine, I long since know that sometimes one has to play along," Loki shrugs. "But aren't I under-dressed, then? If this is supposed to be one of your 'in' bars?"

"We all know that you can always find a fitting attire, without having to putting it on," Tony huffs with a smirk. Loki just rolls her emerald eyes at him.

"Well, then I think we should head out," Tony winks, getting out of the car. He walks around the car to open the door for Loki. Even if she is one stubborn witch at times, she is a woman of tradition at some point, and the proper rules of courtesy are things she seemingly pays special attention to.

And that is actually something quite curious about Loki, among the many other things that are simply astonishing and odd about her: there is this one side that calls for liberation, the side that breaks away from any social convention whatsoever. That is, as far as she said, also one of the reasons why she was frowned upon for so long when still in Asgard. She just never fitted in, taking her different heritage aside for a second. She doesn't care if she steps on someone's toes. She is very... open about her sexuality in many ways. She does whatever she wants.

But then there is this other part that seemingly clings on to tradition quite desperately. She is always trying to use the right tone, always uses a very refined language. Even when in a tantrum, she is not the one to throw out cuss words, except for the archaic ones which are just hilarious. Already back at the masquerade ball she proved that she knows of all traditions when it comes to dance. She moves like a queen. And even though there is always anguish in her voice when it is about Asgard, there are moments when the trickster talks about politics and traditions and has that fervor in her voice.

At some point she seems to be just as much of an ancient person as Thor is one, something that the God of Thunder actually pointed out a while back in conversation with the others, while Loki was busy elsewhere. Before it all went down and the trickster turned against the clan, Loki was one of the greatest believers in Asgard, curiously enough. Of course Loki still broke rules and bent them on more than one occasion, but, so Thor explained, deep down, Loki was proud to be an Aesir... which, in the retrospective, makes the outburst only the more understandable in some way. If you believe in what you think is your heritage, an inherent part of you, and suddenly it's taken away from you...

That is when an entire world collapses, tears you in half.

So yes, Loki proves once again that she is a creature of ambiguity.

Tony opens the door for her. Not all too much to his surprise, she comes out in a fashionable navy blue short dress with a broad brown leather belt with golden buckle instead of the casual wear she had on before. This is coupled with brown boots reaching up her calves with wedge heels and a few golden buckles.

"Aren't we a little diva after all?" Tony chuckles.

"Well, as the gentleman taking me out for the night, it would have been your obligation to tell me which attire would be proper. So don't judge me for taking matters into my own hands," Loki shrugs. Tony holds out his arm to her wordlessly, his smirk not wavering for a second. Loki rolls her eyes before she links arms with him. The two make their way into the bar.

The interior is a bit more stylish than was the bar the Avengers celebrated at after they won over their bizarro versions. Much to Loki's liking, everything is held in green and brown, which she figures was certainly so intended by the Tony as the initiator. There is a dance floor and some lounge areas. The mechanic guides her over to one of the lounges. Upon coming closer, Loki soon realizes that their friends are already chatting and drinking. They wave at them as they come closer.

"See what I found!" Tony grins as he settles down next to Pepper, snaking his arm around her shoulder. Loki sits down next to Bruce.

"Good to have you here," Bruce winks at her. Loki pats his arm lightly.

"Well, it's been some time since we were out to do something together," Steve shrugs. "So we thought this might be something nice for a change."

"And I very much appreciate it," Loki tells him.

A waitress comes to their table.

"Good evening, can I get you two something?" she asks politely, turning to Tony and Loki.

"Two glasses of your finest Scotch, please," Tony grins.

"Alright, of course, Sir. I'll be back in a second," the waitress smirks before checking the others for drinks. She walks off to get the Scotch.

"So I don't get to decide on my drink?" Loki smirks, cocking an eyebrow at him as she rests her chin on her hands.

"I'm doing you a favor, trust me. The Scotch is marvelous," Tony argues. As if on cue, the brunette waitress promptly shows up with the Scotches.

"Here you go, can I get you anything else?" she asks.

"No, that's all, thank you," Tony winks at her almost flirtatiously, to which Pepper nudges him in the side.

"Alright, let's quickly toast to a good old night out, because I'm thirsty as hell, cheers," Tony says, raising his glass. The others copy his movement, "Cheers."

"So, little Empress, is that drink amazing or is it amazing?" Tony grins.

"Oh, it changes my entire perspective on humankind," she snorts.

"Exactly," Tony grins, to which the trickster rolls her eyes with a smirk.

At some point Loki figures that she actually spends more time with Stark because he often reminds her of Thor. Boasting. Self-conscious. Very fond of certain drinks.

The group carries on with small talk. And honestly? Loki really enjoys it. Of course it's by no means new to have conversation with her companions. They talk all the while, and especially since Thor took off, she finds them "checking" on her.

Something that she still has to get used to at some point.

Back in Asgard, she only had Mother or Thor checking on her.

But suddenly... there are enough people to fill a lounge area – and those are by no means just loose friends, as Loki regarded the Warrior Three and the Lady Sif, for instance. They were Thor's friends, but not Loki's. Back when they were still fighting together, Loki of course relied on them at some point, just as the prince would also protect them in battle, but Loki never felt close to them.

Yet, here now? With those humans? Loki always thought that maybe it was her destiny to only have... a handful of people caring about her, and that handful being Mother and Thor. However, this group made her realize that there are more people out there who like and care about her, about her person, not just the function, a title, a set of abilities. _Her._

Even if there are still many things Loki doesn't yet understand about humans, she admires their kinds of friendship, their sense of companionship.

Maybe the dull oaf was right after all... maybe she doesn't have to worry that much anymore.

Not that she'll ever let him know.

Loki is pulled out of her musing, however, as her ears recognize the next acoustic ambush she tried to ignore all the while.

"That band is simply horrific," she growls, which makes Bruce chuckle, "I don't think they are all that bad."

"Oh, please. The guitarist, fine, the drummer is actually quite good, but that fiddler? One should just bind his hands together so that he stops violating this poor instrument," Loki argues vehemently.

"Hey, I thought you'd like it that they use classic instruments along with the new," Tony jumps in.

"I do not care for the genre or style for as long as they play accurately," Loki huffs.

"Not all are as perfect as you are, little Empress," Tony snorts. "Or rather... they don't want to either."

"Actually, music is about mastering a piece and thus play it in perfection," Loki lectures him.

"Well, some of those bands are simply focusing on other things, like the looks or the lyrics," Pepper shrugs.

"That still doesn't give them the right to violate the violin like that," Loki shrugs, leaning back in her seat.

"I didn't know that you were that much into music?" Natasha blinks at her.

"Oh well, I wasn't always. As a child I hated it because Mother forced us to learn an instrument," Loki snorts.

The others can't help the chuckle. Some things in Asgard seem to be just like they are on Earth. Parents forcing their kids to learn an instrument, have a certain hobby...

And it's ever the more funny to have Loki talking about it. During moments such as these she seems just so close to human.

"She thought that this would somehow help Thor in learning to be... less berserk... which obviously remained fruitless... and for me, she said it would help me with my magic... which may have been partly true, but I still hated it," Loki explains.

"So did you learn the violin?" Bruce questions.

"Oh, no, I learned the _lur,"_ Loki explains.

"The what?" Tony makes a face.

"A kind of trumpet," Loki tells him. "I hated it."

Tony snickers at the image of Loki playing some kind of trumpet, to which Pepper, once again, nudges him in the side, earning a yelp from him.

"What did Thor have to learn?" Steve asks curiously.

"The lyre," Loki grins.

"Not the other way around?" Clint snorts. Because the lyre would probably fit Loki much more than would a trumpet. And Thor with a filigree instrument like a lyre seems just as outrageous.

"Mother certainly did that purposely," Loki shrugs. Though she does not yet know which one that would be.

"So what made you change your mind?" Pepper asks. "So that you liked it?"

"Well, when I was on my voyages... I… _partied..._ a lot?" Loki shrugs. Tony wiggles his eyebrows at her, which is why she kicks him under the table.

"Anyways... The musicians at those festivities were truly magnificent. Dancing to their music was a pure pleasure. It made me realize just how well the body responds to music, if it is good music," she says before turns her head with a cringe, "That is _not_ good music."

"So that's why you didn't hit the dance floor yet," Pepper winks at her.

"Exactly," she agrees.

"Well, not all are as gifted," Tony argues. "Plus, I have the philosophy that if you pout about something, you should be better at it yourself."

At that comment, Loki gets up wordlessly and walks over to the band.

"... okay...," the mechanic makes a face. "Did I just make her mad or what's the matter?"

"If you did, I will smack you," Pepper warns him. It would be a pity if the night out would end up making the trickster mad at them. It's enough that she is missing Thor. Pepper honestly feels with her. When Tony is on a mission or otherwise busy, she misses him, too, well... _sometimes._ After all, Pepper is not the kind of woman to patiently wait for her man to return to make her happy again. She has a job, a job she loves and is great at, and she harbors her independence, but that doesn't mean that you can't miss the person dear to you, right? And now to have one of your loved ones gone to a place Loki really can't follow must be exceptionally hard on the trickster, especially after they came such a long way to finally be close again.

"Not fair!" he pouts. "How was I supposed to know that this would make her upset?"

"Well, let's just hope she doesn't kill them or so," Clint huffs. The group tilt their heads almost simultaneously as Loki goes on having... small-talk with the band. At some point they really thought that Clint's prediction would be closer to the truth. Even though they know by now that she is not that mean, really, she still has her "bitchy moments", as Tony refers to them.

"With Asgardians it can be really difficult at times," Steve grimaces.

"At least it's never getting boring," Natasha snickers.

"Oh, she took the violin from the guy!" Tony comments, now almost childishly excited. "At some point I hope she'll toss it to the ground and stomp on it. I would love to see that guy's face."

"That's low," Steve argues.

"What? If she demolishes it, I will repay him," Tony rolls his eyes, throwing his hands in the air. It's not like money is or will ever be an issue. The little Empress can shatter as many violins to pieces as she wants, that won't ever bother.

However, that is when the band suddenly starts playing again... just that Loki is now fiddling instead of the violinist – quite magnificently.

"That girl always has to show off," Tony snorts. Already back at the ball she proved that she likes to have a show. For someone who can be so silent at times, she still likes to be the center of attention.

"Sounds any familiar to you?" Pepper snorts. Tony means to make a comment, but then shrugs with a grin. True, they are very much alike, even though he knows that the trickster hates it.

"Well, I'd still say mission accomplished if she is happy," Natasha shrugs. "She seems to enjoy herself alright."

The band continues a while longer, Loki completely absorbed into the task, as it seems. She doesn't even look up, her raven hair falling over her face as she plays the instrument as though there was no tomorrow. Once they play the last note, the guests clap their hands. Loki blinks...

 _Oh, well_ , that will surely mean some comments coming her way.

She hands the violin back to the fiddler, flashing a nice smile before she walks back over to her friends.

"Enjoyed your little performance?" Bruce grins as she sits back down.

"I just meant to teach that man a lesson," Loki shrugs.

"Well, you just stole his audience," Steve winks at her. "That surely taught him."

"How did you get him into it, though?" Bruce questions.

"Oh, that is not very difficult. Very simple mind. Easy to control... I think he smokes those funny things that they always talk about on TV... uhm, _pot?"_ Loki tells them.

"You just mind-controlled him? We talked about this, young Lady," Tony scolds her. "We don't Obi-Wan people who did not explicitly wish for it and signed a declaration of consent with the SHIELD label on it."

"I did not... _Obi-Wan_ him," Loki argues. "I just convinced him."

"You said before that you controlled him, though," Bruce smirks.

"Men are very often very easy to control, for that you don't have to be a magician," Loki grins softly.

"Oh, so you whispered some sweet things in his ear so that he obeyed? Little Empress, I don't think your darling will like this," Tony huffs.

"It's not like I kissed this untalented creature. I just told him that I'm a fan, that they made me see music in a different light, and that I always wanted to play the violin...," Loki's voice trails off. _"His_ violin."

Curiously, it doesn't feel as hard as she thought it would.

To talk about him.

It's probably the fact that she is talking... to friends.

"She knows how the game works," Natasha shrugs.

"Anyway, your play was much better than was his," Pepper winks at her.

"A chimpanzee would have been better," the trickster argues. "But thank you for the compliment nevertheless."

"But I thought you didn't learn the fiddle?" Bruce asks.

"And I didn't," Loki replies.

"Then how can you play it?" Clint makes a face.

"Music is mathematics," Loki shrugs. "It's logical, harmonic sound sequences."

"So you just... calculated it," Pepper makes a face.

"Well, I had a kind of fiddle in hands before, so I know how they generally work," Loki shrugs.

"How did you know the song, then?" Tony frowns.

"... if you paid attention, you would have realized that they played this song already," Loki snorts.

"Tony is just always taking it hard when there is another genius beside him," Pepper winks at her.

"Oh please, I'm no genius," Loki huffs. "I'm an evil mastermind."

"Once Big Guy is back, we should bring the two of you here again and then he has to play the lyre and you... that trumpet thing!" Tony suggests excitedly.

"Do you have any idea how many of these instruments he demolished?" Loki grins. "He was even worse than me. And I constantly made snakes out of my _lur_ and had it chase my tutor."

"Did he use the hammer?" Steve questions.

"If he didn't use it _as_ a hammer, yes," Loki nods. "Though I have to say that I may have worsened the situation also."

"What did you do?" Pepper frowns.

"I may or may not have used a chant to force him to play, against his will," Loki grins.

"That sounds like this fairytale about the girl who couldn't stop to dance, what as it again?" Steve claps his fingers on the table, thinking of the name.

"'T _he Red Shoes_ ' by Hans Christian Andersen," Loki agrees. "I had to frown once I read it – because it was very much alike, though it was by no means as drastic. Thor just had to pick it up whenever I commanded him to. And I only did it to embarrass him in front of his friends, so no more than a few minutes."

"So no bloody fingers?" Tony grins.

"Most certainly not," Loki shakes her head.

"Why did you, though?" Natasha frowns. "Other than maybe for the fun of it."

"I was mad that he was allowed to quit after some time, while I was forced to carry on," Loki explains. "I just took my revenge, as usual."

"Big Guy won't see the end of it once he is back," Tony rubs his palms. Loki winks at him, but then whips her head around, "Oh, the band finally takes off! Let us rejoice!"

Music starts to hum over the loudspeakers, bringing a smirk back to her lips.

"Someone's off to dance, I guess?" Pepper smirks.

"Well, obviously. Would you like to join?" Loki asks.

"Tony? C'mon, get your butt up," Pepper orders the mechanic. He rolls his eyes as he gets up. Natasha and Pepper stand up and the three women make their way to the dancefloor together.

"They shake it up alright," Tony grins as he settles back down.

"Well, I'm just relieved that Loki is having her fun," Bruce shrugs, taking another sip from his Whiskey. "It really was a good idea... Clint."

"Hey, I did all the driving!" Tony insists.

"It was still his idea," Steve grins. Clint shrugs his shoulders wordlessly, taking a long sip from his drink with a small smirk tugging at his lips.

"Though I still wonder what's going on in Asgard," Steve puckers his lips. "I mean, Thor's gone in a few days now. If it was just small business, I think he'd be back by now."

"Well, if they send Asgardian messengers, I didn't think it'd ever be just small business," Clint replies.

"I would rather not have yet another war raging here, though," Steve laughs drily. "Because seemingly Earth is one of their favorite playgrounds."

"I'm actually surprised how calm Loki seemingly is about this," Clint sighs. "Because, think about it. If the King's raging, then he might just as well take out his anger on the person he banished, plus the planet he banished her to."

"I guess we shouldn't paint everything in dark colors," Tony argues. "Big Guy is there right now. He's taking care of it. And we have all security measurements up and ready."

"Well, we can just hope that Odin is in a better disposition than what we heard," Steve shrugs. "And it's not like we can change anything about it. We have to wait for Thor to return to make up a plan."

"Exactly. We should take care of what's within our reach," Tony agrees. "And making sure that the little Empress is happy is within our capabilities. I don't fancy to have both mad at us."

"Oh, I didn't even think about it, but yeah, Thor will be mad as hell if Loki is unhappy once he returns," Bruce agrees. After all, Thor proved to be extremely jealous – and also extremely protective. Especially of Loki.

"So yeah, we have to make sure the Empress doesn't go through the roof," Tony nods. "But now I already have an idea."

Loki meanwhile, gets lost in the movement, in the music, in the warmth she feels inside of her. She generally had to realize that she felt warmer these days, deep down. It's no sensation of the skin, no result of exercise. It's a warmth from within, one that actually manages to make her forget about her loneliness and smile, honestly smile.

Thor really seems to be right.

She has friends. Friends who don't leave her. Friends who even do something to cheer her up, to make her feel at home, no matter the place.

And so it doesn't come as a real surprise that a few days later, she finds a violin prepped up on her desk, with a short note by Tony:

_Be productive with something fun for a change ;)_

_We both know that you love me for this._

_Because I told you so._

_\- Your Binary File Format_

And neither does it come as a surprise to the other Avengers as they sit together, watching TV, that suddenly a violin plays its magical tunes.

Sometimes you are lonely, but friends can bring the music back into your heart.


	35. Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor returns. Loki is so kind to greet him. 
> 
> Thor informs her about the latest developments. 
> 
> They go to bed. Loki has a dream. 
> 
> The next day, they let the Avengers know about the bad news from Asgard. 
> 
> An enemy strikes. 
> 
> Loki finds out some more things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking around!
> 
> Mini-spoiler (don't like don't read): Two things - I talk about Asgard's Constitution, though I don't know if they really have one. After all, Odin is the only monarch, but that is the premise I want to build on. And the account of the Commander-in-chief-role is my own imagination now, too. I thought it was simply a nice twist. I use a character from the Marvel universe that actually belongs to the X-Men, but I found him the most fitting applicant for my purposes. Plus, he doesn't get much text here either. He is not mine, won't ever be, and since I'm not too much into all comics, this is only internet-research-based characterization I make here.
> 
> Anyways, I still hope you'll like it.

_Dreams are curious things. Especially since they are something inside the mind that is still not fully understood by those who have them, or claim to have them. We all dream, but what is a dream, right? Some say it's your mind's way of dealing with information you gathered over the course of the day, over the course of life, others call it a way into the soul, some others may speak about secret desires, dark urges, even, some interpret pictures as they do a painting, making dreams perhaps more of an art form or object of art than anything else._

_Some don't even remember their dreams._

_Others claim they don't have them – or that they don't exist._

_And the curious thing is – they are all right. Because we can't say if they dream or not, if what they dream is right or wrong, because it is plainly not the question. Dreams are not about right and wrong, there is no right or wrong. There is just, if it is, a world beyond._

_A sweet escape._

_A flash of hope._

_A nightmare._

_And sometimes flashes of light and darkness, some reaching in the past, some in the present, and the most frightful ones of them all... reach into the future._

* * *

Loki awakes to the familiar sound of rain pitter-pattering against the house's façade. She leans on her forearm, blinking a few times so that her eyes adjust to the darkness. The trickster lets out a sigh before flinging her arm lazily in the air to make the lamp on the nightstand switch on. She sits up soundlessly, brushing her fingertips over her lips before her clothes change from nightwear to her usual clothes, safe for the added hooded green cloak. She flings her hands another time to transport into the lab and grabs one of the small metals cubes from the table. After that she makes her way outside the building. Her eyes drift up to where the thunder is rolling and the raindrops fall from the sky like cobwebs. Loki takes a short moment to enjoy the cooling sensation on her skin. She pulls the hood over her face before she walks further down the road. The trickster walks into an empty side alley and tosses the metal cube into the darkness. A blue-white light flashes from it. Loki confidently steps into the light and is absorbed by it, just to be tossed out on an empty field.

"EMPRESS!" unmistakably Tony's voice rings from her pocket. Loki rolls her eyes, fishing the communication device out of the jacket.

"The alarm went off and one of our cubes is gone!" he goes on with his rambling, but then tilts his head at the virtual picture he sees of her. He narrows his eyes at the trickster, "Seriously?"

"What? We are way past the test-phase. We already used them, so it shouldn't bother that I used them without supervision," she shrugs.

"God, why didn't you just say anything or left a note? Then I wouldn't have been disturbed in my beauty sleep," he grunts. "Okay, where are you at?"

"Some empty field, though I don't think your presence will be required here," she replies.

"Why? It's definitely something from Asgard," Tony argues.

"Correct. I think it's Thor," Loki replies in a softer voice.

"How would you know? We already figured that his DNA scan doesn't say if it's really him in the flux. It just tells us that it's something of his species," Tony shakes his head.

"I know when the thunder is rolling to make his presence known," she sighs. "So you may just as well head back to your beauty sleep, even if I don't think this will be very fruitful."

"Yeah, I know I'm too pretty for it to actually work," he shrugs. "Let us know if something's up. And tell Big Guy 'hi' from me. I'll otherwise greet him in the morning."

"Noted," she agrees.

"Good," Tony flashes a lazy smile at her, but then snickers. "Have your private moment with Thor with all the crying and hugging and kissing and saying sweet things of how you missed him."

Loki rolls her eyes before she switches the device off. She folds her hands behind her back and silently waits for the all too familiar pull of energy which paints the nightsky in brightness, in light. A few moments later, the surge of energy comes after all, tossing the hood off her head and her hair flying in all directions of the wind. The light fades away and reveals a sole figure standing at its center. Loki brushes the strands of her raven hair back out of her face as she slowly walks over to the Aesir whose eyes instantly fall on her. He covers the last bit of distance, his smile growing bigger with every stride he takes. Thor snakes his arms around her, pulling her close enough to himself that she can feel that familiar throb against her ears, the throbbing Loki missed so dearly. He then captures her lips in a gentle but strong kiss, smiling against her teeth.

"What are you doing here?" he asks once he pulls away, his arms still around her.

"Tap-dancing?" she snorts. "Obviously, I came here to welcome you back to Midgard."

"How did you know it was me?" he frowns.

"Look around you," she says, tilting her chin upwards to where the rain forms the little cobwebs in the darkness.

"Yes?" Thor grimaces, knitting his eyebrows.

"The thunder is rolling, or is it not?" she speaks.

"True, but it does not only rain or thunder for when I'm here," Thor argues.

"I know the difference," Loki explains.

"How?" he furrows his eyebrows at her.

"I just do," she shrugs.

"How are you?" he asks softly.

"We both know that this is by no means the question that is in focus, or rather should be in focus. What is going on in Asgard seems much more important than is my current disposition," Loki retorts. He kisses her again, even if it comes a bit as a surprise to Loki this time. She blinks at him once he pulls away, "Is that your way of bypassing an answer?"

"I just missed you so much," he admits.

"From that I take that your stay in Asgard was not at all too pleasant," she grimaces. Thor just shakes his head.

"So bad then," she sighs. Loki already feared for the worse, but a small portion inside of her had sincerely hoped that Thor would do what he managed with her, too, to move her, move her another direction. She really thought that the thunderer could move even that old man, if only just a little.

But then again... one must never underestimate the stubbornness of the Aesir.

"I think it's better for us to head back to the Mansion. I will explain everything to you there," Thor argues, wiping some of the rain drops from her flawless face. "Or else you catch a cold."

"Ah-ha-ha, almost funny," she snorts. Loki turns around, but wordlessly drags Thor along with her as she holds on to his wrist. Thor smirks at that, but chooses not to comment.

"If you let me, I can take us to the Mansion in no time," Thor argues, already holding Mjölnir ready, but she brushes him off, "I have it covered."

She tosses the cube ahead again and the blue-white light flashes from it.

"Is that what I think it is?" he asks with a smile.

"If you think it is the transportation device that we worked on, then yes, it's what you think it is," she affirms. Thor means to say something else, but that is when they are already pulled into the flux, just to come back in the side alley Loki left from.

"... that is magnificent," Thor can't help but say. He never believed it'd be possible for him to travel within a world in such a way. He only knows how it is like to travel from one realm to the other, or seeing the world pass him by once he swings Mjölnir, but this here? It is magic.

"I must say that this is one of the proudest achievements in this field I have made so far," Loki admits.

"Not your proudest achievement altogether?" he frowns. Loki grasps his hand a little tighter, pulling him out of the alley wordlessly. Thor smiles, getting the hint – because, upon contemplation, their greatest achievement so far is something entirely else, something between them and them alone. They make their way back to the Mansion and inside. Both shrug the water out of their hair before making their way to Loki's room, not wanting to startle any of the others. They dry themselves and quickly change into more comfortable wear.

"So... the business in Asgard," Loki says directly once they are settled.

"I would rather not burden you with any of this," Thor argues. No, he really would rather not. After all, Loki made Earth her home, so it is actually unfair to burden her with even thinking about the realm that has nothing but scorn and defiance for her. Why would she bother about Asgard, if not for Mother and him, if not for her own safety?

"Thor, your false sense of protection is truly endless, but you have to see whatever is going on with Asgard may have consequences for me the same way, so I would rather know what is going on," she argues sharply.

"I know," he exhales wearily.

"Well? So what is going in Asgard that makes you think you cannot tell me?" she questions.

"It's... it's about Father," Thor begins solemnly.

"When isn't it?" she sighs.

"I don't know what is the matter with him. He is not like himself," Thor grunts, closing his eyes against the memory of the cold eyes his father looked back at him with when he announced that he'd go back to Midgard. Thor never saw such emptiness in the King's eyes, and he has seen that man in sheer fury, in the moment he cast him out of Asgard.

"Odin is not like himself half of the time, Thor. That man is about as much of a walking ambiguity as I am," Loki huffs. "However, from your way of inquiry I take that this is actually not just about how he hates me to his or my blood, but rather about politics."

"Exactly," he exhales, letting himself sink down on the bed.

"Well, did he now make up a law to finally banish me to the land of unicellar organisms or worms? Or what is he up to?" she snorts.

"In a word... exclusion," Thor explains.

"Oh, by the Gods, that man is truly made of madness alone!" she cries out, throwing her hands in the air. The thunderer is startled for a moment, not only at her outburst, but also because he is still honestly amazed how it takes just one word for Loki to understand a problem to its core.

"That's the same thought I had," he huffs.

"... how far... does the exclusion yet go?" she grimaces.

"... he is slowly but surely closing the gates to the other realms. He called for me this time to have me deliver the news to Vanaheimr," Thor informs her.

"Did he yet say how long it takes until he goes for Midgard?" Loki asks silently.

"He agreed that it shall be the last one, but... it won't be that long, the way I reckon," Thor admits.

"What is he thinking?! If he wants to keep you away from Midgard and I, fine. Then he shall shut down the gates to Midgard and leave it at that, but this is about political decisions that may corrupt entire Asgard! The leaders of the other realms will now believe that Asgard does not want to have to do with them. They will think that Asgard is not interested in peace with them! They will go to war at worst!" Loki breaks out, stomping around to give her fury expression. Once again, Thor is shocked to see that even at this moment, after all the suffering Asgard put her through, a part of Loki seemingly still holds on to Asgard.

"I know," Thor shakes his head.

"Is he under the weather or under a spell? I honestly hope for that...," she huffs.

"Not that I know. Mother couldn't say anything either, other than that he is... changed," Thor shrugs helplessly.

"So he might just have gone insane after all," Loki sneers.

"I would think so," Thor joins the chorus.

"... and what is your plan now?" Loki grimaces.

"I don't have any plans yet, to be honest to you," Thor admits, his shoulders hanging low. "I tried again and again to talk to him, but the thing is that he is the King, while I am not. That means I have no right to tell him what to do or not to do."

"And there it goes again that this is seemingly my fault, for I interrupted with your coronation," Loki shakes her head, hugging her arms.

Does it really boil down to it that it is her fault once again?

"Even if so, Father would still be in charge, for I declined to take the throne after the events, for I didn't feel yet ready for it," Thor argues quickly, knowing that Loki will just blame herself for it. And it is truly not her wrongdoing that brings about that trouble, no matter what Odin might say. It's not Loki's fault that he closes the gates, that is the Allfather's decision, and it's the wrong one.

"Still," she means to say, but Thor interrupts her, "Loki, none of it is your fault."

"And closing down the gates to Midgard is in your opinion not a broad hint?" Loki argues.

"It's what he may say, but that doesn't make it right," Thor argues determinedly.

"I thought what the Allfather says is rule, is reality," she hums solemnly.

"It is not for me, at least no longer," Thor tells her in a strong voice. "So you are not at fault, no matter what he may say. That he closes down the gates might be his motive for that he has something against you or because he has something against us being together, but that doesn't mean he is justified in his opinion. He makes that decision, not you."

"... thank you," she mumbles.

"It's nothing," Thor shakes his head. There is a moment of silence, but then Loki speaks up again, meaning to bring the focus back on the political dimension, "If only Asgard was not a monarchy, really."

"Well, that is hardly anything we can change now," Thor shrugs.

"Or ever," Loki rolls her eyes.

"Right," the thunderer agrees. "So you see, since he is King, I have no chance to move against him without being punished for it. Not that I fear the punishment, but... I fear that he may not choose what is convention."

"So you mean that he either kills you or has you banished to another realm but Midgard, or... keeps you locked up in your room. I get the idea," Loki nods.

"I just don't know what to do anymore. He let me go back, but just under probation, the way I figure," Thor exhales wearily.

"Well, but you still have ground... just not as the Prince," Loki argues, making Thor look at her incredulously, "What now? Father is the ultimate ruler. He can make laws, he is it who makes all legal decisions, all decisions about Asgard and the Bifröst. He is King. That is no circumstance I can move around, now Prince or not."

"Exactly," Loki agrees.

"What now?" the thunderer grimaces, so Loki goes on to explain, "Well, one of the advantages is that Odin actually empowered you with something he seemingly did not yet take from you, as far as I understood."

"And what would that be?" Thor grimaces, honestly at a loss. Just what is she hinting at again?

"What are you? Other than the Prince of Asgard and successor to the Throne?" Loki sighs, already getting annoyed that Thor just won't catch on. That dense dull oaf.

"I don't know, Loki," Thor grunts.

"Commander-in-chief," she spells out to him.

"Well, yes, but...," Thor shrugs, but Loki interrupts him, "Odin made you Commander-in-chief under the Constitution of Asgard."

"Yes," Thor agrees with a nod.

"... and that doesn't make you see... a possible way out?" Loki makes a face. Unbelievable, that man.

"Should it?" he furrows his eyebrows in confusion.

"Oh, no, I'm just saying that because I find it funny," she huffs. "Didn't you ever take the studies of Asgard's law seriously?!"

"... you know that I didn't, so let's not pretend," Thor grumbles. She knows that he halfway slept through most of it.

"Odin is the King. That is a circumstance we cannot ever move around, unless he decides to go into Odinsleep, or you have the guts to kill him outright," Loki explains. "However, even he is bound by Asgard's Constitution. And it gives you an exclusive right to make peace negotiations even in absence of the King or without his consent in times of crisis."

"We are not at war, yet," Thor argues.

"Exactly," Loki nods. "Of course it's a loose reading of the law, but it states that the Commander-in-chief may do so to prevent war. That law was never undone. It is in our constitution. And if you stick to it, you are not breaking the constitution. You are not even going against Odin's orders. All you do is... talk."

"If he found out that I moved behind his back in such a way...," Thor shakes his head, but the female trickster quickly interrupts him, "Then he mustn't find out."

"Don't you think Father would realize?" Thor argues.

"What is he supposed to realize, you tell me? According to what I understand, Odin seeks exclusion because he believes it will bring Asgard peace. If your secret actions ensure just that, then the only crime we commit would be to make him believe that it's his foolish doing that leads to such result, when in fact it's rationality that leads us there," Loki argues. Even if she doesn't like the idea to play into the old man's hands and leave him in the belief that he is doing things right, Loki sees that it might be a necessity.

"If I go to the leaders and talk to them, he will know," Thor replies.

"If you keep close to the King and offer to execute his orders, you can go to the other realms upon his order – and openly declare that the peace treaties shall be put to rest, for Asgard seeks to be a secluded place again. At the same time, you may mutter under your breath something quite simple – a plea to the heart of the leaders that they shall wait. That you are doing anything to keep them going again. In that way, you are not nullifying Odin's order, you just make a plea as the Commander-in-chief and therefore enabled to make such a plea," Loki explains. "Something he doesn't have to know, though."

"Why would they believe me?" Thor argues.

"Because it is you," she replies simply.

"What does that mean now?" the thunderer grimaces.

"You give them your word as the Prince of Asgard," Loki says in a soft voice.

"So what?" Thor frowns. He still doesn't get her point here.

"But far more importantly, you give them your word as a nobleman," she tells him simply. "Your greatest power lies in your heroism, Thor, it lies in your integrity, your honesty, your sense of honor. You radiate it, let me tell you. That is what makes you the future King of Asgard and that is what makes people follow you blindly into battle and beyond. That is the one thing Odin can't strip you of, the one thing he cannot take from you or forbid you to do. You just have to use your strengths to your advantage, or rather... to that of Asgard entirely."

She suddenly finds herself being pulled forward. Thor grasped her by the wrist to make her stand in front of him. He runs his thumb over the back of her hand.

"What? Did I say something wrong?" she huffs.

"I'm just... taken aback... at what you see in me," Thor admits.

"You are a man of honor, there is no point in arguing," Loki shrugs, her voice soft.

"I thought that you'd mean to object, for I am not that much of a good man as I may appear to other people," Thor chuckles sadly. No, he wasn't always a good man. He feels more like one now that he is with her, but there was a time in his life, a quite long time actually, in which he played the nobleman, while he was not a noble man. In a sense, it was Loki, who, by corrupting them, in the eyes of Aesir rule, purified him and made him noble again.

"You are a good person, Thor. You shouldn't let others make you believe that the case is another," Loki argues.

"I honestly thought that you didn't consider me that," Thor shakes his head.

"What? I always told you that this is what you are," Loki grimaces.

"You rather accused me of it," Thor chuckles.

"So what?" she shrugs.

"I thought it was something bad to you, that I pondered on those values so much," Thor explains.

"And I still detest it most of the time, but you are a good man. That is nothing I or anyone else will ever take from you. It is in your very nature, just as the mischief is part of mine," she smirks.

"I missed you," he then says. He really did, for saying these things, for lending him hope when he didn't know where to step, where to go.

"That is kind of you, but not really relating to the much more obvious trouble of Odin threatening to bring all realms to war with Asgard," Loki scolds. He pulls her closer another time.

"Thor, you have to focus," she rolls her eyes at him.

"I do," he insists.

"But not on the right thing, you idiot," she snorts.

"I don't want to think about this now, at least not tonight," Thor then says.

"Which is beside the point, in the eyes of the trouble ahead of us," Loki argues.

"For tonight, I just want to be with you, and only have those eyes on me and have those eyes on you," Thor insists, now more firmly. He needs to be around her, be with her.

"Oh, please, you are being dramatic again," she sighs.

"I am not. I felt lost without you, Loki. You cannot even imagine," Thor shakes his head.

"Obviously you were lost, or else you would have come up with a strategy yourself," she huffs.

"It is good to know that some things just never change," he chuckles, flashing his white teeth at her.

"And what would that be?" she smirks.

"Even now you fight," he grins.

"Of course, that is my very nature," she smiles.

"Exactly," he replies.

"So what? Are you growing yet tired of my constant bickering?" she asks playfully.

"Never," he smirks. "For I am the same."

"Good," she grins. Thor lets himself fall back on the bed, pulling Loki with him.

"You dull oaf," she curses him, but Thor is unimpressed and instead kisses her palm another time.

"Really needy, aren't we?" she snorts.

"I said it, I missed you," he smiles.

"... I missed you also," she admits with a grin. "A bit."

Thor chuckles, letting their entwined hands rest on his chest. Loki smirks that he seemingly unconsciously understands to offer her comfort when he doesn't even know that he does, or how he does. To feel his beating heart beneath her fingertips grew to be one of the most reassuring things Loki has ever known. It's not just the mere reassurance that Thor is still alive, after she almost lost him, it's this unspoken promise that it also beats for her, and that there are times when it beats only just for her. Even if the chant she performed came with risk and sacrifice, Loki considers this part of the deal a true gain, to have a place in another person's heart like that... it's something that Loki will treasure till her last day.

She is home within that chest, within that heart. And it is warm there.

Loki pulls herself a little closer to him, closing her eyes.

"So you agree?" he smiles, his voice no more than a whisper.

"That the world can wait until morning? Yes, I think so," she replies before allowing herself to drift to sleep, and finally, finally, she sees warm colors behind her eyelids again.

She dreams of a tomorrow, and so does he.

* * *

Thor glances at Loki's still sleeping form, the white sheets messily draped around her thin frame. He can't help but marvel not only at her sheer beauty, but also the peacefulness Loki can seemingly only express when still asleep, because Loki always seems weighted with concern, worry, anger, all those emotions that make her restless. And even if he does his best to cut it, it seems an almost impossible task. Even this moment of peace, where it is just them, proves that those lines of worry that mark her pale skin come from him, from the world she was banished from while keeping him as its Prince. He really wished he were human, with Loki together, away from Asgard and its political troubles, from Odin and his moods. He could build a future that would be safe for Loki, for himself, build up a home, make sure no harm is done to her. And then he would see that glorious peacefulness all day long.

If only they both could be who they are, and who they are alone, be stripped of what they are. Be it Aesir or Jotun or human. To be simply... them.

Ever since he was called back to Asgard to execute the dreadful duty of declaring all ties nullified with the other realms, Thor can't help but dream about those options, about those sweet little escapes. What if he and Loki simply went another place? Where even Odin wouldn't go looking for them? Where Asgard could be secluded and alone all it wanted, or Odin wanted, while they'd lie in bed and be peaceful? What if they hid as humans and lived the simple extraordinary life of a human soul? Of two souls working and living as one?

Thor would love to run away with her. With Loki, he'd run to anywhere and beyond, but... but they both have ties that bind them, not only to Asgard, but also to this planet here. They have friends, a new kind of family, another family beside the one that waits in the Great Halls. Even if Loki may deny it at some point, the trickster is fond of the Avengers. They are her friends, the first ties she allowed herself to bind her. Other binds were oppressed on her, but not these. She chose to be with these human beings. She bound her life to theirs and made them part of her happiness. And that means running away seems to be no longer an option, if it ever was. Loki wants to stay with her friends, and it would be selfish and ridiculous to demand from her to run away from what kept her alive when in fact it was not him.

Thor starts to understand how a cage feels like, and he still has any intention to get out. If only he knew how.

He brushes a loose strand out of her face, flashing an affectionate smile. Truly, he would love to just stay like that, if only for a day or two. Just to have that feeling, just to have that bit of peace for her and him. It saddens him, from deep within, that he can't secure a future for his partner, his soulmate. All he can do, seemingly, is to watch the world collapsing.

"Will you just keep looking at me?" Loki's voice suddenly rings in his ears. Thor has to blink twice before he sees the two emeralds looking at him. He chuckles softly, "Would you want me to?"

"Oh, you know I love it when I'm adored and hailed, but... watching someone in its sleep seems to be more of my thing," she says, her voice still lazy from sleep.

"So you watch me in my sleep?" he grins.

"Oh, all the while," she sighs into the bed sheets.

"Why?" he frowns, drawing nonsense patterns on her upper arm.

"I don't know, sleeping people have something peaceful about them that they otherwise often lack," she shrugs. Thor hides the grin that he was actually marveling about the same thing.

"How late is it? Do we have to be up already?" she sighs.

"It's still in the early morning hours," he assures her. "So we don't have to get up just yet."

"Good, I have no intention to yet," she sighs, easing back into the pillow a little more. "This is far too comfortable."

"I agree," he smirks.

It's simple perfection.

"I had a dream, a few nights back," she hums after a while, her eyes no more than narrow slits.

"Yeah? About what?" Thor smirks, his voice soft and warm.

"It was funny, really. All was... fine... for a moment," Loki goes on to explain.

"Yeah? Tell me more about it," the thunderer smiles.

"Please, it was only just a dream," Loki rolls her eyes.

"But a nice dream after all," he argues. "So why not share?"

"You mean it?" she furrows her eyebrows at him.

"Of course," he shrugs. Loki contemplates for a moment... why not, right?

Why not linger in an illusion? If only for a minute?

Isn't that what she did and still does at some point?

After all, it's all too comforting to live a dream.

"Well, there was obviously no such thing as exclusion or other worrisome businesses. At first... We were here, on Midgard, we fought an enemy alongside the Avengers... of course we won. And after that we were suddenly in Asgard and had tea with Mother... and Odin was not as much of a 'jerk', to say it in Stark's words, and violins played in the background... and then we were gone some other place again...," she mumbles sleepily.

"What place did we go to?" Thor asks bemused.

"I don't know what it was. I have never seen it before, so it was very likely just the product of my foolish imagination," she shrugs.

"What did it look like?" he questions curiously.

"It was a garden made of ice and snow, beautiful figures carved out by the wind. Silent, but through the layers of ice one could hear a strange kind of melody as the wind brushed across the smooth surface. Whistling. Humming. Hushing. The snow was not cold, it was warm instead, and under the ice bloomed flowers in all different colors, against any law of biology. And in the center was a small pond with the clearest water I have ever seen. It was hundreds of meters deep, but still you could see the bottom as though it was just beneath the surface. White fishes swam in it in the most graceful manner I have ever seen. And then... we dove into that water and swam all the way to the bottom. There was a small opening, a crack. We swam into it and suddenly there was just white light and... I don't know, I woke up then, but... I liked that dream," she breathes.

"Maybe we should do just that," Thor then says, making her frown, "Do what? Go dive in imagined ice ponds?"

"No, escape," Thor says, now more seriously. Loki's eyes open fully at that, "You can't be sincere."

"Think about it," Thor argues. "We could just do what you did before, travel, not to Asgard or any of those places, but somewhere where no one was before."

"Oh yes, and while we enjoy our time alone, roaming around the realms, Odin goes ahead and gets everyone killed. That sounds truly magnificent," she snorts. "And even if he did not go to such extremes, don't you think he'd come to get you again? And let us not forget that I am banished to here. The moment I set foot upon another realm but Midgard, I'm done for."

"I just can't stop thinking about it. I would just love to tell him to go to Hel," Thor shakes his head. "I saw it back in Asgard, I don't see it in the same light anymore. I barely recognize its people, or him, or even myself while in it."

"Then I corrupted your picture of it after all," she chuckles drily.

"You made me see it clearly," Thor argues sincerely.

"Thor, this is your home," Loki insists.

"It doesn't feel like it," Thor tells her.

"But that is a circumstance you can actually affect. And that is the thing. That I don't feel at home here... it's something I cannot change, not that I wanted to either. But it's in fact that this is... not my home, not my heritage, but Asgard... _is_ your heritage, Thor," Loki replies, her voice soft but strong.

"I would send them all their ways if only that meant I could stay with you," Thor says with determination in his voice.

"Now you're being dramatic again," she scolds him. "Thor, you have responsibilities towards your people. Asgard is lost without you. They'll be at Odin's mercy if you don't intervene."

"I wonder that you actually encourage me to serve Asgard," Thor shakes his head. Because he honestly fails to understand that Loki, after everything that was done to her, still bothers about this place in any way.

"I long since accepted that it is actually your birthright, and far more importantly your duty by birth. And we both know whose reign would be the better one, if one had to pick between you and Odin," Loki argues.

"So what? You actually want Asgard to continue to exist?" he questions.

"... maybe," she replies meekly.

"Why?" he asks.

"I would not like to see Mother get killed, for instance. And anyways, I see it rather selfishly after all, Thor. If Odin has you back in Asgard before it goes up in flames... then you go up in flames along with it. And even if not, it means that I shall never see you again," Loki argues.

"Again, if we ran away...," Thor means to say, but the trickster stops him, holding up her hand.

"You can't run from your blood. Trust me, I tried, it does not work. We can't move around the circumstance that you are what you are and that I am what I am. You are Aesir. I am Jotun. And we both want Midgard and Asgard to continue to exist peacefully, _co_ -exist peacefully. That will not be the case for as long as Odin rages the way he does. You are the only one capable of stopping him – so you will," she tells him, sitting up. "And now... I'm getting up."

"What? I thought you wanted to sleep a little longer," Thor frowns, honestly a little disappointed that their little bubble burst so soon. He wished it would continue a while longer.

"That stopped the moment we talked about politics. It reminded me that we have much more urgent business," Loki tells him, straightening up. Thor can't help but chuckle. Still as moody.

"Pity, I would have liked to steal the night," he grins.

"And you did, but let's not steal the day either. We have to think of a strategy," Loki scolds him. "Furthermore, we have to warn the Avengers and the SHIELD of the perhaps threat coming their way now, too."

"Threat?" he grimaces.

"Well, yes. Even if Odin did not yet say that he will ambush Earth, he still might. Or he might attack Midgard to get to you, or me. I don't know. But think about it. They should have at least a chance to protect themselves from our business," Loki argues.

" _Our_ business?" Thor grins.

"Now don't get weird about it," she rolls her eyes at him, making him frown, "What?"

"... I spend too much time with Stark," Loki snorts. She already takes on the mannerisms and vocabulary of a human, which is of course good to fit in, but... she would rather not take on those things, for instance, but still... it happens, more often than she'd like to admit.

She is one of them after all.

"Then let's greet them," Thor says, now pulling on a fresh shirt also to get ready.

"We should indeed," she agrees. They get up and dressed before leaving Loki's room. The rest of the Avengers soon joins them in the conference room, alongside Coulson and Fury. There is a warm-hearted greeting for the Aesir, but the others have to realize early on that there seems to be urgent business, and urgent business means... problems.

Happiness is no easy thing to achieve.

"... so okay, to sum it up, Odin wants to shut the gates to Asgard slowly but surely. He may or may not save Earth for last to make a giant firework as the grand finale, he may or may not be a case for the nuthouse... and since you are actually living in a totalitarian state there, there is nothing you can do about it," Tony grimaces once Thor finished his report.

"Well, Loki already suggested something that may work," Thor tells him, arms crossed over his chest.

"It bears a risk, but I think it's at least worth the effort," Loki shrugs.

"What would that be?" Natasha asks.

"Thor is Commander-in-chief of Asgard. This allows him certain liberties according to Asgard's Constitution," Loki explains.

"Does Odin give a damn on that lately? I mean... if he does what he does?" Tony makes a face.

"Well, what he does is by no means a violation," Loki shrugs. "What he does is according to the Constitution. He has those rights, but actually... a few things have changed ever since Odin began his reign. Apparently, there was a time when he was much more open to the idea of inclusion and brought about political change, within the limits of tradition, of course. He held counsels, had a brain trust, and gave political and military powers to his heir or those men he could trust. It was this spirit that brought about the arrangement that Thor was left in the position as Commander-in-chief, even though he was not yet given the Throne. So yes, Odin actually acts within the boundaries of the Constitution in any way I see so far... taking aside that he does so... while being insane."

"And what does it bring you now that Thor is Commander-in-chief?" Bruce frowns. "I mean, what does it matter in connection with Odin sticking to the Constitution?"

"The Constitution gives Odin the right to have Thor in that position, and that position comes with certain liberties that are put down in this set of documents," Loki explains.

"What do they involve?" Clint asks.

"Well, Asgard's rules are not always very sharp. That is the one advantage we have. If one takes it as a loose reading, the Commander-in-chief has a right to address military and political leaders to agree to peace negotiations in times of crisis, and that without having had counsel with the Allfather before, for it is seen as the highest directive by the Constitution to achieve peace," Loki explains.

"The problem I personally see with Loki's idea is that we are technically not at times of war, still," Thor argues. "And that means that I would make such a plea at a time when it is not really my right."

" _That_ is the loose reading," Loki shrugs.

"Well, what would be if you did that? And moved behind Odin's back to hold up those treaties?" Natasha asks.

"He would suffer his rage, but given that he still acts according to the Constitution, the worst Thor would have to fear is to be disbanded as the Commander-in-chief. However, taking away his title or banishing him would not be a punishment agreeable. That is the premise I build on, if a loose one, admittedly," Loki explains. "However, the other premise is that Odin does not discover it anyways. It is not an official plea Thor would make to those leaders. It would only be an honest plea from one nobleman to the other. Thor would by no means try to nullify the Allfather's words, he would just utter a personal wish. If they stick to it is up to them."

"But that means you'd have to put a lot of faith in their... faith in Thor," Steve grimaces.

"Well, Thor worked with them before to agree on those treaties. And it had advantages for them to join, or else they never would have agreed in the first place. They know him and they know he is a man of honor. In those realms, this actually matters," Loki shrugs. "He moved them before, why not again?"

"Well, that sounds at least like something, even if it's a risky bargain," Steve grimaces.

"Obviously, another problem is the destiny of... Earth... in that equation," Loki goes on, her face suddenly a lot darker as she bows forward, making her hair fall in her face.

"Why now?" Bruce knits his eyebrows.

"Thor let me know that most of Odin's action of exclusion are... blamed on me, to put it nicely," Loki says, her voice suddenly very faint.

"What's that supposed to mean now?" the doctor frowns.

"My Father says that he seeks to exclude everyone else after he included one of another realm into his very clan, as his child," Thor says bitterly.

"That's low," Tony mutters.

"I agree," Thor nods solemnly.

"So he's using Loki's... breakout... as an excuse for his politics," Tony grimaces, obviously not pleased with this. Loki brushes a hand over her face, but she does so to actually hide her smile.

Everyone believes in the good of her.

Just how funny those human beings are.

Even now that their lives might be at stake... they believe in her, and not in Odin, whom they have never met, whom they have never been face-to-face with, who has never done harm to them the way she once has.

"Exactly," Thor agrees, now in a stronger voice. He is glad that everyone sees it the way he does, and secretly hopes that Loki will finally get it, too. It is not her fault that the Allfather does what he does.

"Either way, this means of course greater risks for your realm, for I am here," Loki then says. "I do not know what Odin is up to with his plans. However, the fact that he says I'm the reason for his new politics may lead to him rearranging my banishment, if not to all your disadvantage. However, that is something only time will reveal."

"And until then we will wait and see," Fury then says. "For as long as Odin has you banished to here, you should be safe, as far as I'm concerned."

"It's not necessarily _my_ safety that I'm concerned about, Master Fury," Loki argues.

"But _we_ are," Bruce scolds her, and the others nod in agreement.

"Until Odin makes a move against Earth, we treat this as politics that are out of our reach. We do not interfere with Asgard's business, or that of any other planet if we can help it. Up until now they did not approach us or affect us, so we will leave it at that," Fury declares.

"Sounds reasonable," Loki shrugs.

"I wonder why he let you get back to Earth, though. I mean, not that I mind, but according to your description, it was not exactly what he wanted, right?" Steve grimaces.

"And it is not, but... well, let's just say that I can be very stubborn, too," Thor shrugs.

"Who could've guessed, huh?" Bruce chuckles softly.

"... uhm, I'm sorry to interrupt, but taking Asgard's affairs aside for a second... we have a problem the Avengers have to solve," Coulson suddenly speaks up.

"What is it?" Clint asks.

"Vincente," the agent replies.

"Who is that?" Natasha grimaces.

"A mutant aligning with Emplate's Hellions. He is extremely dangerous... and attacking South New York as we speak," Coulson explains.

"What do we know about his abilities?" Clint questions.

"He can shift into all states of matter. As far as we know from the reports, he can mix with surrounding substances once he's touched them and thus take on their form when he is in his liquid or gaseous state. However, he honed his abilities so that he can be poisonous in his gaseous state... and now he tries to spread his toxins," the other agent lets them know.

"Okay, let's move out," Steve grimaces, not wanting to waste any more time. The others get ready as fast as they can before heading to the scene.

"Okay, guys. Clint, Natasha and I will get the people away from here. The rest of you, try to bring him down. Make sure you don't inhale... _him,_ we don't know what the toxins will do to you," Steve orders. The others nod before heading to the task.

"What's the tactic?" Tony grimaces.

"Attack him in the solid form, or bring him back to it," Loki suggests. "In the other states, we hardly stand a chance."

"How do we bring him back to it?" Thor frowns.

"That is what we have to figure out," Loki shrugs. They start to attack the villain, but Vincente dissolves into gas before any of the attacks can hit him, if he does not liquify himself. Thor strikes with lightning in the hope to cause some kind of reaction, but Vincente is obviously unimpressed. They won't get to him by brute force, that much is for sure.

"Careful!" Thor's voice rings out as he sees Steve and Natasha trying to get a child to safety as the gaseous villain makes his way to them. He swings Mjölnir to create a kind of whirlwind which actually seems to work to hold Vincente back in some way. However, the gas-man still manages to approach the two humans. Loki jumps into action upon seeing this and transports herself in front of the two and the child, creating a protective shield around them.

"Walk on, the shield will follow you," Loki tells them hurriedly. Steve and Natasha rush away.

"Thor! Stop the whirlwind or else you'll inhale...," Loki yells, but already sees the gas only inches from Thor's face. She rolls her eyes and produces a shield around his head, which looks like a small helmet made of green light.

"We definitely need helmets such as these for the next toxic villain," she shakes her head.

"Empress!" Tony's voice rings out. Only now she realizes she is already covered in the thin layer of gas. She holds her breath, already working on a helmet for herself, she should have thought about that sooner, really. However, it takes her a moment longer because she has to control Thor's and that of Natasha and Clint also, plus, she has to get the gas out of that helmet. Much to her surprise, she finds herself whipped out of the mist by Tony. She manages to create the protective shield around her head, finally, allowing oxygen to fill her lungs again.

"You okay there?" Tony asks with concern in his voice.

"I'm good. Thank you," she says, still catching her breath. "I still think this won't have effect on me. I'm immune to most chemicals and hazards."

"Let's not chance it, shall we?" the Iron Man argues.

"Are _you_ alright?" she asks now instead.

"I'm on independent oxygen supply thanks to the suit, so I should be fine," Tony tells her.

"Remind me that we build such things for everyone in the future. This is too boring to hold up for each of them," Loki says, nodding at the magical helmets.

"Noted," the mechanic agrees. He puts her down. Loki assesses the situation another time. Thor still holds up the whirlwind to keep Vincente from escaping, but that won't bring them anywhere.

"Anyone having an idea?" she sighs.

"Well, first would be to have him... in one place," Tony grimaces.

"Maybe I can help with that," Loki says before flinging her hands in the air, starting to create a giant power shield around the now gaseous Vincente.

"Thor, you have to step away," Loki grunts, only now realizing that the dull oaf is still wielding Mjölnir. However, the thunderer does not yet listen. Maybe the comms are interrupted because of the gas.

"Okay, let's think this through from the physical perspective. Gas becomes liquid when under freezing temperatures. And then may turn solid. Or it's deposition, which would allow us to change it from gaseous to solid instantly," Tony grimaces.

"For that we have to remove heat or thermal energy," Loki nods.

"Exothermic reaction," the Hulk grunts.

"How do we do that?!" Tony frowns.

"Snow would be good now," Loki huffs.

"In September? I don't think we'll be that lucky," Tony snorts.

"You won't get to me. I will get to you," Vincente speaks up, his voice hollow.

"Oh, shut the hell up, Cloudy!" Tony cries out, but the focuses back on the task. "Okay, can we somehow create a second shield around it and then suck out the thermal energy to make him cool down?"

"Oh, sure, nothing easier than that," Loki snorts. "But for that someone has to remove Thor. Or else he'll end up as a popsicle."

"Which reminds me that this is what we'll have for lunch," Tony muses before flying ahead. Loki weakens the shield in one place so that Tony can break through without much effort. He makes his way over to Thor and gestures at him to stop with Mjölnir. The thunderer nods and he and Tony leave the green orb.

"I hope you had some good small-talk," she grunts before beginning to create a second shield around Vincente.

"Now stay where you are," she grunts, strengthening the shields a bit more.

"Okay, now we just have to somehow... suck out the thermal energy out of the smaller ring. That should be easier than from the entire atmosphere," Tony grimaces.

"Stark, come here," Loki barks.

"What now?" he frowns.

"Don't argue, just come. I don't have the energy to spend it on such trivialities," Loki hisses. Tony makes his way over to Loki. She grasps him by the back.

"I have to say I haven't tried this before," she admits.

"... now you're scaring me," Tony makes a face.

"You know that I can convert energy. But right now I don't have enough energy to convert _within_ me," Loki begins to explain.

"Okay," Tony nods.

"I want you to shoot at the second ring with all your might," Loki then says.

"But that will most likely lead to heat-up and not cool-down," the Iron Man objects.

"That is what I'll try to make happen," Loki argues sternly.

"... you can do that?" Tony makes a face.

"As I said, I never tried it in that way, but I can lend my energy to other people, so now. Shoot, before I lose control over the shields," Loki urges him.

"So really with all I have?" Tony wants to make sure another time.

"All you have," she nods.

"Okay, you do the countdown," Tony shrugs, getting into position.

"One," Loki cries out, not bothering about a countdown, really. Tony starts to fire with his full power, which, thanks to the amplifiers, is such a strong beam that the building behind them shake from the sheer intensity. However, Loki's plan really seems to be fruitful because Vincente screams as he shrinks together. The ice cold winds blow back as a recoil, making small ice particles fly through the air.

"Snow in September!" he hollers.

"Shut. Up," Loki hisses. Finally the villain is reduced to his solid form.

"I will now lessen the shields. Then Thor and Bruce can take him down, hopefully," Loki exhales. Thor already jumps ahead back into the green light and the Hulk follows suit. Thunder and lightning rolls from the sky as the ice particles continue to fall... like snow.

"Empress? You okay back there?" Tony questions.

"I told you to shut up," she grunts.

Thor brings Mjölnir down on the man's head, smashing Vincente to the ground.

"The question is now how we... store him," Thor grimaces.

"Guys? SHIELD just got us a delivery," Clint's voice rings out over the comms. He and Natasha approach with a kind of metal casket.

"Big Guys?! Think you can fit Cloudy in there?!" Tony asks. The two nod at each other, then at Tony.

"Okay, open the casket, but then leave," Loki instructs them. The agents agree and do so. Thor and the Hulk soon follow and literally beat the toxic man into the casket, shutting it with a thud. The mechanisms start to work, locking the casket tight. The casket still rattles, but it seems not to budge. That is the moment Loki lets go of the shields and Tony stops firing. Both go to their knees.

"Wow, that was... nice teamwork. We should do that more often. You are... a good asset to my suit," Tony grins.

"In your dreams alone," she retorts.

"Loki? Tony? Are you guys okay?" Steve asks over the comms.

"We are good... or aren't we?" Tony asks, turning to the trickster, who approves, "I'm fine."

"We're good," Tony says again..

"Okay, stay where you are, guys. SHIELD will quarantine all of us," Steve grimaces.

"What?" Tony cries out.

"We don't know if the toxin didn't get to us. You guys were even brought into contact with it directly," Clint supplies, which makes Tony cry out, "I hate it when they give me shots. I hate those needles!"

"... you are alright getting hurt by aliens and monsters, but you fear needles?" Loki cocks an eyebrow at him, so Tony replies, "... that's human."

"Then humans are very odd at times," Loki sighs. "And by that I mean always."

As promised, SHIELD soon has an entire quarantine camp going. Those guys are busy as beavers, really. Each Avenger is led into a separate tent to be tended to, even if one can hear some mild cursing coming from Thor because he would rather make sure that Loki is alright. Yep, boyfriend through and through.

"I can only tell you again that I am fine. I am immune to such things," Loki argues as one of the SHIELD members checks her over.

"We just want to make sure, Ma'am," the female SHIELD member tells her. Loki rolls her eyes.

"Okay, we prepared a shower that should wash off all remaining gases or side products," the woman tells her. Loki rolls her eyes once again before stepping into the small cubicle which is then filled with a strange-smelling liquid.

"You'd have to undress, Ma'am," the woman informs her.

"I already am," she argues, tossing a single cloth over the rim. "Shapeshifter, you see."

She rinses off all the dust and particles she can detect. The woman then hands her a towel. Loki takes it and drapes it around herself, using her magic to dry off the rest of her body instantly. She can hear Tony shrieking from the tent next to her about the needles. The trickster rolls her eyes as she steps out of the cubicle. She steps over to the woman in the overall.

"We need to give you a few injections, if that's alright," the woman says nervously. Loki is almost amused at how much 'respect' she has for her. After all, she is a God, if a fallen one, but still.

"Would you be so kind to let me do that myself? I know where to inject myself better than you do," Loki tells her in a soft voice.

"If that... is your wish," the woman nods frantically. Loki smiles at her, "Thank you."

The woman holds out the tray to her. Loki takes the syringes one by one and injects herself near the wrist.

"That is just a matter of precaution, Ma'am," she says apologetically, and Loki agrees "Of course."

"Good, then... okay, would you step on the platform? We want to run a quick scan," the woman asks.

Loki steps on the circular platform and spreads out her arms to the sides.

"Please hold it for a few seconds," she says. "Okay, we got it, thank you. You may now step back down."

"Thank you," Loki replies politely.

"Alright, SHIELD will give you an overall for the trip back, then you can change into your own clothes once you are back at the Mansion," the woman says.

"That towels should be sufficient, thank you," Loki winks at her before changing its shape into that of her casual wear. The woman looks impressed for a second, but knows better than to stare at her. Loki steps over to the set-up screens and glances at the results.

"Uhm, well, it look like the poison didn't affect you," the woman says uncertainly. "But... the thing is that the results seem different from the first check-up."

Loki blinks twice, biting her lower lip, but then flashes a soft smile, "That is normal. It is part of my physiology that it changes according to... season, to put it _very_ simple. That has nothing to do with the hazard we were exposed to today."

"Oh, okay," the other woman grimaces, even if not too convinced, seemingly.

"Do you write the report?" Loki asks. The woman frowns at her, "Yes?"

"Then would you put down what I just said? I would rather not have someone asking questions about that, you see," Loki tells her in a sweet voice.

"Well...," she grimaces, but Loki interrupts her, "I can assure you that I know best about my own physiology. So why confuse the others with it, right?"

"... right," the woman frowns.

"Tremendous. Thank you. Then... can I go?" Loki asks.

"Yes, yes," she nods.

"Thanks a lot for the help... and the new clothes," Loki smiles.

"We have to thank you, Ma'am, for... for saving our lives," the SHIELD agent argues.

"The daily business of an Avenger, no?" Loki shrugs.

"Seemingly," the woman agrees.

"Then I shall see you around, but please remember to treat this with discretion," Loki reminds her.

"Yes, Ma'am," the woman nods.

"Good day," Loki says. With that she leaves the tent, letting out a deep breath.

That was the last thing she needed.

The last thing they needed.

Why now?

Why now of all times?

"Loki? Is everything alright?" Thor's voice rings out from beside her. She finds the Aesir in one of the jumpsuits by the SHIELD next to her, his hair still plastered to his face.

"You look absolutely ridiculous in this jumpsuit," she snickers, making a face.

"... I did not choose it," Thor grumbles. Loki taps her index finger against his chest to change the overall into his casual red tunic and trousers with boots.

"Now you look at least more like yourself again," she smiles softly.

"You didn't answer my question," Thor argues.

"I think that I'm out of here is proof enough that I am alright, or else SHIELD never would let me roam around, no?" Loki retorts.

"You look concerned," Thor then says, almost making Loki's mask fall for a second, but only for the fraction of a moment.

"I don't look concerned, Thor," she scolds him. "I just want to get back to the Mansion, that is all."

"And you are sure?" Thor argues, not really buying it.

"Absolutely," Loki says now in a stronger voice. She starts to walk ahead wordlessly. Thor trots after her as she makes her way to the helicopter. The trickster rubs her arms, suddenly feeling the cold spread throughout her.

Really, why now?

Why. _Now?_


	36. Sinister

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Avengers are on a mission. 
> 
> Thor and Loki have a fight. 
> 
> Loki drops some news. 
> 
> Things don't go as they are planned thereafter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, thanks a lot for sticking around! 
> 
> Once again, I borrowed a villain from the Marvel universe, and once again, it's not actually the Avengers arc, but I liked that one for my own evil purposes. I make no claims that this characterization is by any means accurate, nor that he is mine. It's just internet-based research... once again. 
> 
> Anyways, I hope you'll like it.

After Thor came back to Earth, things have changed between the Gods, at least that is the impression Thor gets. Loki is rather distant these days. Not that she is really mean to him or has breakouts. No, it's small things, almost too small to meet the eye. She spends more hours in the lab than usually, and when they are alone, she often goes to bed early. They still hold hands and she actually leans against him more often most of the time, but she almost flinches away from his touch once he wants to hold her close in turn. When he asks her about it, she rebuffs him.

Thor of course knows that Loki is a moody creature. She has always been, but... this is not just moody. She withdraws, from him. And he had hoped that this finally came to an end now that their souls linked. He wants to catch up to her, but... now she is drifting away beneath his fingertips.

And now they find themselves on a mission for the Avengers, looking at the city below them as the helicopters bring them to the location.

"Okay, so the plan is that Clint goes through the top of the building along with Tony. Natasha, Bruce and I form the ground forces. Thor and Loki will go through the glass dome to first of all serve as distraction, and give us a chance to come inside at that moment to start our attacks," Steve suggests. "Can everyone agree to that?"

"Yes," all say in unison. Soon the others spread out while Thor and Loki stay in the helicopter.

"How would you like to handle it?" Thor asks, trying hard not to let his disappointment waver his voice, though he has to realize his wishes are rather fruitless.

"What does it matter? Who smashes through the windows first hardly seems to make a difference," Loki says, not meeting his eyes.

"I just thought that it would be good to discuss a tactic before going in," Thor retorts.

"Since when do you give anything on tactic, God of Thunder?" she scolds him playfully, though it comes out as icily as he still remembers from her first days on Earth.

"Could you take this serious for a second?" Thor argues.

"Oh, I take it serious," Loki replies in a soft hiss.

"What is it with you lately?" Thor asks gruffly.

"You are sincere?" she looks at him with hard eyes. "You seek to have such discussion... now."

"Well, yes! Because you don't answer me whatever occasion I approach you in. At home you try to keep away from me most of the day. And when I ask you, you say you would rather not talk about this with the others around. And now we are to head to battle and you do not even look at me!" Thor argues, his voice raising in anger.

"Now you're being dramatic again," she rolls her eyes.

"I thought we wanted to use the time we have together," Thor shakes his head. He would rather use the little time they have before he is called off to Asgard again. He would love to make the time matter, but that seems hardly possible when she withdraws from him all over again.

"If you don't want to spend time with me, that is hardly my problem. You are a free man, Thor," she snorts.

At least one of them is.

"What?! What are you talking about?!" he breaks out. That is not what he means, and she knows it!

"Again, you're being overly dramatic. Now don't take everything I say so literally," she sighs.

"Just tell me what is wrong with you!" Thor tries another time.

"What would that be good for?" Loki argues. "I mean, even if something were to be wrong with me, what would talk change about it?"

You can say a lot, and it won't fix anything, something that Loki had to learn a long time ago. Even if she is called the Silvertongue, it's actually quite a useless condition. You can convince people, yes, you can move them, but words are crushed in the face of reality.

"Then I can fix this!" Thor argues.

"I hardly doubt you'd be able to _fix_ it," Loki snorts.

"What's that supposed to mean?!" Thor blinks at her.

"Nothing," she sighs.

"By the Gods, Loki...," he mutters.

"We are almost there," Loki says in a soft voice, though it comes out more like a hiss.

"Now answer me!" Thor demands.

"You didn't ask a question," Loki argues.

"Loki, stop it!" Thor snarls. However, that is when Natasha's voice rings over the comm, "Guys, we're there. Are you ready to move?"

"Yes, Natasha," Loki says.

"Yes," Thor agrees, but then turns to Loki another time. "Say something!"

" _Something,"_ she retorts.

"Loki!" the thunderer cries out, but she already stands on the railing, glancing down, her hair flipping around furiously.

"I'm pregnant," she says, her voice no more than a whisper.

"What?" Thor cries out with wide eyes, but then she already steps over the edge and flies down through the roof, allowing the feeling of falling to give her a sense of freedom for once.

Thor stumbles for a second, but then he hears the rumbling of battle – and understands that it has to wait until later. He rushes over to the railing as well and jumps from the building, Mjölnir ready at hand.

* * *

The battle that follows is a sheer mess. Even if the name sounds somewhat comedic, Mister Sinister is one tough cookie, especially since he has some strong people to support him in his enterprise. Sadly, the villain actually manages to escape, even if, and that is the success, his plans of using DNA samples from a laboratory also run by the SHIELD did not work out. So... at least half a victory, right?

The Avengers, battered and exhausted, meet up amidst the debris and collapsed walls of the building.

"... what a day," Bruce sighs, looking around at the sheer mass of destruction. He then tilts his head at Tony, "Why are we not yet hearing one of your infamous comments?"

Tony still looks around with a frown.

"Tony?" the doctor tries again.

"Guys, even at the risk of asking a stupid question: Where is our little morbid she-trickster?" the Iron Man says with a grimace. All glance around, trying to spot said woman.

"LOKI!" Natasha cries out. They all know that she likes to stay aloof at times, but usually not after a battle. Nothing stirs, however, other than some loose debris still falling off the walls and ceiling.

"I thought she was with you?" Tony frowns at the female agent, who shakes her head, "She was, but then she helped Steve."

"She was only there for a sec before she headed off for... you, Tony!" Steve argues.

"But she just yanked a dagger and took off... to the Hulk," Tony replies.

"But that was just a replica of hers. I saw the real her running to Clint," Bruce objects.

"She had my back for a while, but after that she was just gone," Clint shrugs.

"For the record, that means _you_ lost her," Tony says, pointing his finger at the archer.

"Shut up, Stark," all say in unison. Tony puts his helmet back on to scan the area, "... she is not under any of the rubble or debris... neither outside... I'm running a scan... moment... no. Guys, I think that our enemy just took one of our team."

Clint already turns away to communicate with SHIELD. Thor stands there, totally perplex.

"Thor?" Natasha asks once she realizes his reaction, but that is when he swings his hammer and starts to smash into the debris.

"Oh, okay...," Tony makes a face, moving a little away.

"Thor! Thor! Now stop already!" Natasha cries out.

"Shall the Hulk stop him?" Bruce grimaces.

"No. Not yet," she tells Bruce before turning back to the thunderer, "THOR!"

He turns to face her. The bitterness, pain and fear is clear in his tensed features.

"We will find her," she assures him.

"We have to," Thor bites his lower lip.

"I know, but you gotta keep in mind that this is Loki we are talking about. If someone gets out of such a situation, it's her," Natasha argues.

"We have to find them, _right now_ ," Thor narrows his eyes angrily.

How could he let that happen?

How could she?

Just why?!

"As I already said...," Natasha means to say, but the God of Thunder interrupts her, "We have to. She is bearing a child."

"What?!" Tony cries out in a high-pitched voice.

"What?" the others join the chorus.

"Loki is bearing our child," Thor repeats, now almost sheepishly.

"What? How did that... when...," Tony babbles helplessly, but that is when Natasha cuts him off, "Stark, look it up in your child's book, now is not the time to give you the talk... Thor, you're sure she is?"

"She told me. Oh, by the Gods! She is in the hands of the enemy, and that with child! They are both in gravest danger!" Thor cries out, pulling at his hair.

"Thor, don't worry. We will find them. Everything will be fine," Natasha tries to assure him, though she knows this is pretty much a lost cause.

"How long...," Steve grimaces, but Thor can only shrug, "I don't know... she told me only just now."

"You mean... like...," Steve makes a face.

"Before we landed," Thor approves.

"Wow, okay...," Bruce knits his eyebrows. She has a tendency to go for the dramatic moments, really.

"But that's not the matter. It's important to find her and bring both of them safely home. Everything else will have to wait," Steve argues.

"SHIELD is working on a way to locate the secret hideout of that guy, but it will take some time, they say," Clint says.

"We should head back to the headquarters. I might aid them along with Tony to perhaps find a more efficient searching program," Bruce suggests.

"Right, maybe we can get an energy identification if we analyze what was fired off in the combat," Tony agrees.

"Just my thinking," the doctor nods.

"Then we're heading back," Clint says. And so they do, Thor not saying anything anymore. Bruce and Tony immediately start to work on the searching algorithms. Clint and Steve are going through the maps, taking it more from a military angle along with other SHIELD agents. Natasha took Thor to one of the rooms so that he gets a moment to calm himself.

"She lied to me! She never should have been on that mission," Thor cries out, somehow trying to get a hold of himself, but this makes him furious. She knew, and still she joined the battle. At the risk of endangering herself and that child... his child.

"We can't possibly change that, Thor. It happened," Natasha argues.

"... I should have seen it... she was acting so... differently," Thor grunts.

"Well, Loki has always been quite moody," Natasha shrugs.

"... I should have seen it," he argues.

"We will find her, you know that. She is strong. Stronger than most people I know. And I know a few tough guys, and apparently work with them," Natasha manages a feeble smile.

"If something happened to her or the child... I wouldn't ever be able to forgive myself," Thor says. He swore to keep her safe, but now it's also about a part of himself that may be there now, within her, growing, alive. He can't allow that either one is hurt. No, just no.

"Thor, we will find her. Okay? … But I don't think that's what you blame yourself for most, is it?" Natasha argues. Thor glances at her, so she continues. "Something else is on your mind, I can see that."

"We argued before... before the battle," Thor admits.

"Thor, you couldn't have known," Natasha assures him.

"It doesn't matter. You don't enter a fight like this, no matter what. It is dangerous. I stayed away from her in battle because I was angry with her. I stayed away from her so that I don't have to face her. But by staying away from her... I missed out on perhaps this one chance to prevent her from being taken. And that was not an accident, as her taking was, but... it was a decision of the mind. Conscious. I let her down. I let my feelings get the better of me in the battle. That mustn't happen, ever," Thor argues. He swore to protect her. And now he let her down because of what? A bit of anger? That is so utterly ridiculous.

He is doing the same mistakes again.

Just as she seemingly is.

Are they always bound to make the same mistakes?

Are they always the same pawn on the same checkerboard?

Bound to fail?

"Okay, enough of wallowing in self-pity... here is what's gonna happen: We will find Loki, and your child, and once they are safe and sound, you will apologize and then you'll talk about this... and then it's going to be fine," Natasha encourages him. "You overcame quite a bit, I don't think that this is something that you can't fix. You fixed coming back from the friggin' dead."

Thor manages a feeble smile. Right, they cheated death before, didn't they? That is something not many can pride themselves with. They came together through all those hardships. Loki considered that her greatest achievement. Now it's seemingly up to Thor to make an even greater achievement happening.

"Guys, we may have something," Clint says, popping his head in.

"C'mon, let's go," she says, patting the thunderer on the lower arm once.

"Yes," Thor nods, getting up as well and following the two agents to the headquarters.

He has to find them.

He won't accept to be at checkmate.

* * *

Loki blinks up at the ceiling, frowning at its color. That is no hue she remembers. Just as she doesn't remember the headache throbbing beneath her temple.

Ah, right... there was _that_. One moment she saw the minions and machines retreat, the next she saw nothing but darkness, and then that filthy ceiling she already starts to hate.

"See who's finally awake," a voice rings out from... somewhere. Her mind is still too fuzzy to tell clearly.

"I would have to extract myself from my body to see that I am awake. I really find this saying rather dull," Loki drawls.

"A witty one after all," the villain says, stepping over to her.

"And you must have lost your wit for this action," Loki says, meaning to sit up, but finding her limbs bound. The trickster rolls her eyes, but has to realize that she can't change her appearance to escape. She rolls her eyes. That man really means it.

"Do you even know what I want with you?" he smiles.

"Frankly, I do not care, for you will not succeed," Loki tells him in a flat voice.

"So you count on your friends to come and fetch you. I see," he chuckles.

"No, I count on your foolery and my own capabilities. You might be, what? A mutant? But I am a God," Loki tells him.

"Which is ever so much a reason for me to have you here with me now," he smiles almost gleefully.

"I actually do wonder what you would want with me. You know that you took a huge risk by abducting me. If you just wanted a sample of my DNA, as far as I'm concerned, a few strands of hair would have been more than enough. Why take along the rest of the body attached to it?" Loki tilts her head at him.

"Because I just saw you and decided that I had to have you," Sinister shrugs.

"... I'm spoken for, thank you," she huffs.

"And that's not what I'm talking about," the villain replies.

"Then what?" she questions.

"Well, I don't know how much you know about me, but I am a master of my field. I spent a long time refining my skills," he begins.

"Oh, yes, evil doctor back and forth. Live for as long as I've lived, then we talk about experience," Loki huffs. "So now, back to business. What is it that you want?"

"I want to decipher a God and break it down to its very molecules," he replies.

"Good luck with that," Loki rolls her eyes.

"What?" he tilts his head at her.

"You build on the premise that I will let you," Loki tells him with a devilish smile tugging at her lips.

"And you build on the premise that there is anything you can do about it to stop me," Sinister argues, not in the least wavered.

"Didn't you just say it? I am a God. You, by contrast... are just a mixture of human megalomania and... a bad choice of name," Loki tells him in a soft voice, though the message is clear and strong.

"We will see about that, God of Mischief," Sinister smirks.

"Oh, we most definitely will," Loki retorts as the madman turns around and heads back to his apparatuses.

The question, however, is... how does she do that?

* * *

"Okay, this might be something," Bruce says, gesturing at Tony to take a look at one of the screens.

"What?" Tony blinks at the device.

"Well, look, if you take this into consideration, then...," Bruce begins, but that is when Natasha and Thor walk inside, and the God of Thunder instantly seeks them, "Did you find anything yet?"

"We are working on it, but we actually have three signals that would fit the pattern," Tony admits.

"Why is that?" Clint frowns.

"We are looking for specific energy output we know comes from Sinister's machines. He seemingly has more than one home base, though," Tony explains.

"And can't you detect Loki in it somehow," Natasha questions.

"If so, we would know which of the three it is," Bruce shrugs.

"But how is that possible?" Steve shakes his head.

"Well, energy needs to be released in some way. In case of the machines that is what you can observe. The same does not apply to Loki. Unless she goes havoc in there, her energy won't be released. That is actually one of the problems we have with our dear she-trickster. Our machines have a hard time finding her because she sends out almost no signals," Tony says. They discovered it early on that she could just disappear from the radar.

"Maybe she will go havoc or otherwise make herself known," Natasha shrugs.

"We hope she does. Loki is smart, after all," Tony replies. That is actually what they build on. The question is just how she will do that... and the question he does not mean to ask yet is if... she still can.

"Well, we should check out those places, though. That can't harm," Steve argues, nodding at the screen.

"Right," Clint nods.

"I'd suggest that you guys go ahead while we keep an observant eye on the screens. Take the cubes along, then we can transport to your location the moment you need us there," Bruce suggests.

"Good," Steve nods. The others do the same to show their agreement.

"Let's hope it's not the last gate for once," Tony mutters to himself. No, he honestly hopes that they are lucky for once and they end up with the right location upon first try.

* * *

Sinister roams over his apparatuses and instruments with a wicked smile tugging at his lips. Loki's eyes follow him on every step he takes. She will catch every detail to figure out how to get out of this pitiful a situation.

"So? What do you have in store for me? Will you clone me? I may tell you now – we already had that," Loki taunts him. "And it was little fruitful, to put it nicely."

"Oh, please, that was... kindergarten compared to what I have in mind. Demonicus was only after having some decal that did not even look like you in the end. No, I am working on a perfect creature so that I may perfect my body," Sinister tells her.

"Your body seems just fine," she shrugs.

"It's old an weak and... slowly dying. I need a fresh start, and you might be just that," Sinister says.

"Why choose me of all people, I do wonder?" Loki asks.

"Other than that you are a little weaker than your fellow?" he grins.

"I'm not weaker than him," Loki hisses.

"Physically you are," he argues.

"Brute force is not everything," Loki retorts.

"And what tells you that I won't try to get to him too?" he hums.

"Oh, so you seek to create a hybrid creature out of us both? Now that is... _ironic,"_ Loki snorts.

As if she didn't already have a spawn of just that material inside of her.

"A hybrid? No, that would be too easy. I seek to find the God-gene. I mean, I know what humans are made of. I can tell them to their very molecules, but a God? The Gods? You are a whole new field of study for me. And I will take my time and pleasure to explore," he says.

"Well, let's hope you don't get lost on your exploration," she huffs.

"You see, your fellow God will walk right into my trap the moment he sets foot upon my playgrounds, but it will take them some time to find this place. So we can already start without him," he then says. Loki licks her lips for a moment, but then flashes her signature smirk, "Now I feel honored that I shall be your first."

Because she plans on being his last, too. Ever.

Sinister turns around with a syringe.

"I hate shots," she snorts.

"This is no shot yet. I need a little blood sample. I assure you it won't hurt... too much," Sinister shrugs.

"It's not nice to poke a Lady," Loki scolds him.

"It's in the service of science," he says as he comes up to her.

"... oh, well, if that's the case...," she huffs. He plunges the needle into the inside of her elbow. Red liquid soon fills the container and he takes the syringe back out.

"Thank you for the donation," the man grins wickedly. Loki grunts at him. The man retreats.

"Oh, no, I thank _you,"_ she mutters under her breath, a small smirk spreading across her features. And suddenly she has a how-to.

* * *

"Okay, that was an empty shell," Steve grimaces as they make their way out of the first location they got.

"This was a waste of time," Thor grunts, eyes almost searing with fire.

"We couldn't know," Natasha shrugs. "It was worth the shot."

"Yes, yes," the thunderer sighs. He knows that his friends do anything to find Loki, but he hates it that he can't just slay some enemy to get to her. No, he is searching for her, again. And that was something he hoped they were finally past.

"Which one next?" Clint questions.

"I'd say this one, it's closest," Natasha shrugs, nodding at the device in her hand.

"Okay, then we should...," Steve means to say, but that is when a loud voice shrills, "GUYS!"

"What is it, Tony? We were just about to head out," Steve makes a face.

"Stay where you are!" he orders.

"Why?" Natasha frowns.

"We just got a signal. Hold on a second, we're coming to you," Bruce says.

"Fine," Clint snorts. Two minutes later, Bruce and Tony, already ready in his suit, are standing next to them. Bless the God of Mischief for the cubes, really.

"What's the matter?" Thor asks. He would rather act, and now wait for a get-together.

"We just got a signal from neither one of the locations on that list," Bruce explains.

"Okay," Clint grimaces.

"Loki sent us, somehow, coordinates. So we'll be heading to that location," Tony then goes on.

"How do we know it's not a trick?" Natasha argues. "Sinister might send us that signal to lure us there."

But before she can go on, the violin song from the bar they went to hums from the device in Bruce's hand.

"I don't think he'd know that," Bruce argues.

"What is this?" Thor furrows his eyebrows in sheer confusion.

"Loki played that song in a bar while you were gone. She knows that we'd recognize it. So this must be her. I mean... why would he send that? Even if I have absolutely no clue how she does that," Tony makes a face. Really, that woman never ceases to amaze him.

"Let's not waste our time, though. We have to move," Steve urges them.

"Right," all agree. The Avengers get ready to jump into action and walk into the white light erupting in front of them.

* * *

"This is... nothing like I ever saw it before," the man smiles broadly as he observes the findings on the screens.

"I always knew I was quite special," Loki snorts.

"Oh, you are. That is... I am missing the words," he muses.

"I thank the Gods. That is a verbal assault I would not look forward to," she huffs. Sinister turns around, now with a metal device in hand. Loki tenses, but knows how to hide it.

"What is that? Are you taking a picture for later?" she manages to hiss.

"In a sense. I want to map your brain, your vitals, everything, very thoroughly," Sinister explains.

"You could have asked SHIELD for it. They did a thorough check before," Loki sighs.

"Not the way I do. It's a little... more painful, but much... deeper, too," Sinister chuckles.

"I can only advise you to stop that," Loki tells him.

"Why?" he questions, mostly amused, though.

"My brain is a very dark place," she hums.

"Then let's shed some light on it," Sinister shrugs. He attaches the small device to her temples.

"That may twinge now a bit," he warns her. Loki closes her eyes against the small lightnings in her head that soon erupts, making her quiver. Though she can tell even through the haze that this is nothing she can't take, really, even if this will surely leave her with migraines for a week.

A few moments later, the pain finally fades away and colorful dots dance before her eyelids.

"My apologies for the inconvenience, but it's the only way to make it thoroughly," Sinister mocks her.

"Oh, I understand, fully," she retorts, still catching her breath. "In the service of science."

Loki just hopes that the small creature within her didn't suffer because of it, even if she did anything to control the damage. She eases down a bit, closing her eyes... it's good. It's okay. She lets out a sigh.

"Hey, don't you serve drinks here, too? Or else I consider you a very bad host," she yells after him as Sinister begins to evaluate the results.

Just how long do they take to catch the hint here?!

* * *

The Avengers come out at the location. It's outside the city, a former industrial park where most buildings were torn down.

"Tony? Can you locate a secret hideout here," Steve asks.

"Running the scan... yep, just beneath our feet," the Iron Man confirms.

"Okay, we don't know what awaits us down there, but I don't think it's farfetched to suppose that they will not exactly welcome us with open arms," Steve shrugs.

"Okay, then let's find our way inside and get rolling," Tony says.

Thanks to Tony's and Clint's doing (an amazing bow-shoot and they have a flash drive right where they need it), they soon have access to the underground hideout. Curiously, they don't have much trouble to disband the alarm.

"I take any bet that the little Empress has her hands in this," Tony mutters under his breath.

However, regardless of the missing alarm, the team soon finds itself confronted with Sinister's minions attacking them.

"We should split up," Natasha suggests as she knocks one of the machines Sinister also uses against a wall before quickly firing a bullet through the apparatus.

"Good idea," Steve agrees. "Let's make two teams. Tony, Clint and I go this way, Thor, Bruce and Natasha head this way around."

"Got it," all say. They spread out.

* * *

Sinister roams over his machines as suddenly red lights flicker on his panels. He glances at the screens, which reveal the Avengers, now already far into his maze of corridors. He frowns. That was not supposed to happen.

"... they are already here, now that comes as a surprise," he mutters, even if he doesn't look really impressed.

"Maybe your secret hideout is not as much of a secret after all," Loki snorts.

"Well, I wanted them to come here anyways," Sinister shrugs.

"Last time we almost beat you, keeping in mind you had to run away. What makes you confident that you will be any more successful now?" Loki taunts him.

"Now they are on _my_ playgrounds," he explains.

"Is that supposed to make me scared?" she huffs.

"If I were you, yes," Sinister tells her, making Loki frown, "Why?"

"On my playgrounds, I have absolute control. I can make the walls collapse, suck them into a hole, fill the hallways with gas... the possibilities are sheer endless," he muses.

"As is your madness. And that comes from a madwoman, so this is definitely no compliment," Loki retorts.

"So what do you suggest do I do first? Get the other God to join you? Or get rid of the troupe of humans who parted from him?" he hums, his fingers dancing over the panels.

"You actually leave me the choice?" she grimaces.

"Yes. _You_ say, either this God is taken captive or the humans are killed. That is up to you," Sinister smiles, seemingly impressed by that new torture.

"Then take the humans," Loki replies in a strong voice.

"Then let's send some gas their way," he smiles, but then furrows his eyebrows. "But I find it curious that you made that choice so easily. I mean, I was actually under the impression that you... _cared_ for them in some way."

"I'm a God. Then you have different priorities," Loki shrugs, narrowing her eyes.

"Well, then let's see what your priorities will do to those poor creatures that you doomed to death," he grins. A screen switches on in front of her, revealing Tony, Steve and Clint making their way down the corridors, fighting their way to them. Loki licks her lips nervously, breathing harder.

"Say your goodbyes," he smiles. Loki closes her eyes for a moment, but the moment she opens them, the poisonous gas floods the hallway. Clint and Tony gag for air, trying to escape, but unable to once paralysis has them. Even Tony goes to the ground, all limp figures within seconds.

"It works very fast," Sinister grins.

"Well, at least you show that much mercy," Loki replies, her voice quivering.

"Then let's see if your other God finds his way here to join you soon. And that Hulk might be a nice extra to add to my studies," Sinister shrugs, going on with his work. Loki shakes her head sadly, but that is when the door bursts open and a very angry Hulk and an even angrier Thor run inside.

"I already awaited you," Sinister says, turning to the trio with his signature dark grin.

"Loki!" Thor cries out, relief washing over him that the trickster seems to be fine.

"Stay right where you are or I will kill her," Sinister hisses as Thor means to walk to her.

"Don't you dare touch her," the thunderer barks.

"Oh, I don't have to touch her," Sinister argues. Suddenly one of the apparatuses from the ceiling moves on its own.

"This fine machine was fed with her data. It will send out a beam that will affect her on the molecular level, so you should not move, unless you want me to activate it," Sinister threatens.

"I thought you wanted me for your little experiment," Loki snarls.

"I have all the data I need. For the rest I don't need a living creature necessarily," the madman shrugs. "Even if I would rather not have to kill you, I have to admit."

"Leave her alone!" Thor demands, his eyes narrow slits.

"Only if you become my personal guinea pig as well," Sinister bargains.

"Which he will not," Loki jumps in, her eyes fixed on Thor. No, or else this is all meant to fail.

"Which he will if your life is any dear to him," Sinister argues.

"I tell you again, God of Thunder, you make just one step over and I shall behead you myself," Loki growls in a deep voice, her features resembling those of a cheetah.

"For _him_ you actually care, huh? The same cannot be said about your dear fellows, though," Sinister chuckles.

"What?" Natasha frowns.

"Well, let me show you," Sinister smiles evilly. The pictures of the other three members collapsing to the ground in the poisonous gas play in endless loop. The others stare at it in shock.

What?

_What?!_

"She had the choice. She could have let me take you or kill them. She chose the latter. So, will you pay the same price, I wonder?" Sinister asks Thor.

"What now?" he blinks at him.

"Your life against hers, easy as that," the madman shrugs. The thunderer already means to lunge at the man, but Loki cries out again, "You stay where you are."

"But...," Thor means to say, but the trickster is faster, "Thor! Stay! All of you! No one moves! No one does anything!"

"They are turning against you, God of Mischief. They hate you for it. You killed their friends, and that not in exchange for his life, but just for what I took from you, a few blood samples and some scans. You sold them pretty cheap in the end," Sinister hums.

"This is madness!" Thor cries out, meaning to make a step towards them once again, but that only gets Loki raging at him again, baring her teeth at him, "I tell you again! Stay there, by Odin's beard!"

Just why is that man not listening?!

"I need a decision," Sinister hums.

"He will not bargain with you," Loki snarls.

"Really? I mean, actually, it's not only your life at stake, or is it?" he argues. Loki narrows her eyes at him.

"From the tests I can take that she might actually have inside of her more than meets the eye. You want to risk that unborn life? I mean, this surely would be an even more interesting project to research _very_ thoroughly," Sinister threatens the God of Thunder with a devious smile tugging at his lips.

"You will not...," Thor growls, his entire body shaking.

"Stay! There!" Loki yells.

This is so ridiculous.

"So? Is it yours? That child? That would be fantastic. Already a hybrid, no? All the possibilities to experiment, explore...," Sinister muses.

"You will not or you will...," Thor growls, his voice shaking with the purest of angers.

"Hush now!" Loki hisses at the other God, but then turns her attention back to Sinister. "You think you're so smart, don't you?"

"Well, apparently, half the team is down already, and I'm holding all the threads. I don't see how I am not the smart one here," Sinister shrugs.

"You are not the smart one for you made three fatal mistakes," Loki tells him.

"Yeah? What did I do wrong?" Sinister huffs.

"One, you took me. Bad idea," Loki says.

" _Right,"_ he snorts, unimpressed.

"Two, you did not do your homework," Loki tells him.

"What did I miss?" he frowns.

"Where to draw blood, you witless fool," she hisses.

"What?" Sinister furrows his eyebrows at her.

"What you thought was blood... was nothing but thin air. You should know the nature of the God you mean to probe your fingers into. I am Jotun. We have a different physiology," she explains.

"But the vial filled," he frowns.

"With what I wanted to make you believe. In fact, all it did was to transfer a part of my energy into that container," Loki corrects him. Humans are so easy to fool.

"So what?" he retorts.

"When you thought you were taking advantage of me, I took advantage of you. You opened the gates for me to enter your computer system, with that little vial you fed your computer," Loki smiles at him wickedly.

"So that's how they found here so fast," the man grimaces.

"I actually have to thank you for that. You made my rescue only possible," she huffs.

"What was my third mistake, then?" the man questions.

"Well, you actually did right by taking my weapons from me," she smiles.

"So how is that my mistake?" Sinister frowns.

"What your analysis seemingly failed to tell you is that simply putting them on a pedestal in the same room with me still in it will hardly solve the problem," Loki tells him, her emerald eyes flashing brightly. Sinister means to say something, but that is when Loki's daggers appear behind him and mean to stab him. The man shrieks, but manages to roll away, only gaining a few grazes.

"You shouldn't have done that," he bellows.

The machine above her now looms closer, a red gleam coming out of its center. Thor and the Hulk already mean to lunge forward, but that is when the wall next to them explodes in blue-white light. A circular object flies through the air and deforms the metal arm so that the red blow hits the ground. And out of the dust and smoke step three very healthy Avengers.

Loki lets out a sigh of relief – it worked. She had to make sure that this way was kept free for Steve, Tony and Clint to move in, which is why she had to ensure that Thor and the others stayed where they were. Really, such bothersome business.

"What?! How is that possible?! You were exposed to deadly chemicals?!" Sinister cries out, totally perplex. His eyes fall back on Loki, who grins at him, "You were under the impression that they were, once again. See mistake two."

"What?" he gasps.

"I told you, my mind is a dark place. I took you into one of its corners," Loki grins at him evilly.

"But it's on camera," he insists.

"Which is part of your computer system, so again, look back to mistake two. All I had to do was to create those pictures and have them flicker across the screen. You are truly foolish if you believe that you can trick a trickster," Loki snarls, narrowing her eyes.

He picked the wrong God to battle.

And he definitely picked the wrong time, too.

"But, but, but...," he stammers, honestly shocked.

"That's the difference between a mutant and a God," she huffs.

"She's right. And that means, you're so going down now, fella," Tony smirks, already raising his hand to fire at him.

"Not yet," he mutters, before pushing a few buttons on his panel. Clint already sends an arrow flying through the man's hand, making him shriek. Tony fires some blasts at him and Steve tosses his shield into the mix, too. Thor meanwhile, runs up to Loki to get her out of that stool. Their eyes meet for a second, the unspoken message clear.

We get you out of here.

Everything else comes later.

"Those chains won't come off," he growls as he tears at them with all his might. Loki already guessed that, but she is still disappointed that not everything seems to work out.

Because you can't plan everything, sadly.

A lesson she has to learn over and over.

"Stark?! We need your help here," Loki cries out.

"On my way," Tony says, shooting one last beam at Sinister and his men before turning to Bruce. "Hulk? Wanna smash a little?"

The Hulk already jumps ahead.

"Just what I thought," he chuckles as he makes his way over to the two Norse Gods.

"We can't get these off," Thor growls, utterly disappointed that he can't do much to save the one person he cares about.

"God Chains? Sinister really managed?" Tony can't help but comment.

"Yeah, SHIELD will eat its heart out," Loki huffs. "I think I saw a panel down there. Maybe you can switch it off or disable it."

Tony makes the helmet go up and bends down to take a look at the device.

"Crackers, that will take a bit," he grimaces. That is when Sinister's remaining machines swarm in. "Work as fast as you can," Thor tells him, already swinging his hammer. "I entrust her into your care."

"... oh, please," she rolls her eyes, but Thor is already away and fights off the machines so that Tony has time to work on the restraints.

"So... you made him believe that you killed us?" Tony asks casually, his fingers swiftly working on the panel.

"I saw no other way to fool him," Loki replies. She could affect the screens to leave Sinister under the impression that they were killed so that he wouldn't bother about them anymore. If she had chosen Thor, she would have been forced to fake his appearance there, and that would have been discovered within seconds.

"Hey, I would only say something if you actually did," Tony shrugs.

"Then you'd be dead and wouldn't say anything at all," she argues.

"I'd come to haunt you as a ghost," he warns her.

"... that is upsetting," she makes a face.

"Right, so you better never kill us... again," Tony smirks.

"Noted," Loki agrees.

"Okay, no, that won't budge," Tony says, straightening up. "Can't you shapeshift into a worm or something to get away?"

"... you seriously think I wouldn't have tried that?" she rolls her eyes.

"You can't access them through the mental connection with the computer?" Tony questions.

"No, I tried. This is controlled by a different mechanism as far as I'm concerned," she sighs. Otherwise, she would have escaped a long time ago.

"Alright, then stay where you are. I go looking for the right mechanism and switch it off," Tony tells her.

" _Stay where I am_?! What else am I supposed to do?!" she huffs. Tony winks at her before putting the helmet back on and making his way to the panels, charging Sinister along the way. Loki rolls her eyes, hitting the back of her head against the metal table angrily. Meanwhile, Tony managed to get past Sinister to work on the computers thanks to Steve's help. He, Thor and Clint now keep the man at bay while the mechanic tries to bring the restraints off.

"You will not succeed," Sinister cries out.

"No, _you_ will lose," Steve argues, firing his shield at him another time. Sinister manages to escape and in the same motion produces a device out of his pocket.

"... please let it not be a self-destruction button, that's so cliché," Tony mutters, but that is when the man already cries out, "I will blow up the entire building along with you!"

Tony rolls his eyes. Clint fires one of his arrows his way, but sadly it's too late. The man already pushed the button. The walls start to shake and crumble.

"We have to get out of here!" Natasha cries out.

"Not without Loki," Thor insists.

"Well, obviously!" the agent huffs. "Tony?"

"I need... two more minutes," Tony grimaces, his fingers dancing over the keyboard.

"We don't have...," she means to say, but she is suddenly met by a wave of anger from the mechanic she didn't expect.

"I know, alright?!" Tony growls, now perfectly sincere. He knows it's cliché, but he needs two minutes, at least. Fussing about it won't help it. Tony hears a cracking sound above him. A huge part of the ceiling is about to fall down on him. The Iron Man already braces himself to dodge, but that is when the bit of ceiling is engulfed in a translucent green light and slowly moved away behind him to hit the ground in a loud thud. His eyes drift off to the table where Loki looks back at him, giving a small nod.

Maybe she can at least do that for the team.

"Hey! Let's try to transport out with the cubes!" Natasha suggests.

"Do it! Use one on Loki!" Clint adds. The female agent rushes to the other woman. She puts it right beneath the table. The cube opens, the light appears, but... nothing happens.

"The heck?!" she cries out.

"You seriously think I didn't know about that little trick of yours yet? I took precautions," Sinister laughs.

"I can't even express how much I hate you right now," Natasha grumbles. Clint kicks him in the back to underline her point.

"What do we do now?" Steve asks, busily using his shield to protect himself against the debris.

"Okay, guys! Everyone else goes, I get out Loki and then we make our escape," Tony then speaks up in a sincere voice.

"That's not happening and you know it," Natasha argues.

"It's the best choice," Loki argues, her eyes fixed on another piece meaning to crush one of her fellows. "I don't know how long I can hold this up. It's enough to keep the stones away from Stark, but I can't do it for all of you over an extended period of time."

"Go!" Tony agrees.

"Use one of the cubes and go, we use the other," Loki adds.

"Fine!" Natasha holds up her hands. She knows that they are of no help now. As much as it sucks, they can't do what either one of them can do, well, except for Bruce, maybe. The Hulk takes a hold of Sinister and he and the other three humans make their way to the cube which already erupts in its bright light.

"Thor, you go with them, too," Loki says to the thunderer. She knows that he would rather hold her hand, as foolish as it is, but foolishness is a luxury they don't have now.

"I'm short up behind you," she adds, now in a softer voice.

"I'm waiting," Thor says before he runs into the light of the cube as well. He is swallowed by it along with the others. Then the lights die out, leaving Tony and Loki in the collapsing building.

"So, just you and I, Princess," Tony says in a casual tone.

"How... was your day?" Loki sighs. Curiously, it actually works for both of them to joke about a situation or revert to trivial conversation in situations of crisis.

"Tiring. Yours?" Tony grins, his fingers erratically working on the panels.

"One pain in the arse," she huffs.

"Cash that," he snorts. Loki moves another huge chunk of the ceiling away, her breathing labored.

"How are you holding up there, Empress?" Tony grimaces, realizing her shallow breathing.

"I'm literally... hanging in... there," she grunts, pulling against her restraints to underline her point.

"That's the spirit," Tony grimaces.

"How far are you?" she asks, her voice quivering, though she keeps calm.

"The firewall is one pain in the ass, but I'm almost there," Tony assures her.

"If you do not break through within the next minute, you will go as well," Loki then says in a flat voice.

"You seriously think that I'd leave you behind now?" Tony makes a face.

She can't be serious, right?

"I will toss you into the cube's flux. That is a matter of fact, and not of your choice," Loki tells him. It's one thing to have them rescue her, but another to risk their lives in her name. She will not accept that, no.

She cares for those people... maybe even more than she does for herself.

"That's not happening. All for one and one for all," Tony argues.

"I'm no Musketeer," Loki sighs.

"You're an Avenger," Tony retorts.

"Forty seconds," Loki hisses, not in the least impressed.

She will not allow that someone else pays for her mistakes.

And she will not allow it that severe harm is done to her... friends.

"I will not go," Tony tells her.

"You will," she growls, moving more pieces away.

"You can't force me," he argues.

"Try me," Loki huffs.

"Congratulations, by the way," Tony says, a smirk tugging at his lips.

"Shut up," she mutters.

"Hey, will you name it after me? I mean, for saving your life and all?" Tony grins.

"Not in all eternities," the trickster shakes her head.

"Anyways, I'm almost done, Empress," Tony tells her. Another huge pieces comes down on him. Loki closes her eyes, trying to concentrate, but her mind is flooding back and forth like waves.

Pain comes in, certainty goes out, worry comes in, strength goes out, death comes in, life goes out.

If only she had all her powers, then this would be much an easier endeavor, but no, of course, it must be Odin's punishment for her actions that may now lead to her downfall, and possibly of that of one of her friends, too, which is unacceptable.

Black dots dance in front of her, taunt her.

_Just let go._

_Then it's all over._

She shakes her head.

No, no more giving up.

She found a will to fight.

For her friends. For that small creature within her, whatever it will be.

For her new family.

Loki pushes the huge stone further, but finds her powers fading even more.

"I can't hold it anymore!" she whimpers.

"Oh, dammit!" Tony cries out as he sees the huge block coming down now over Loki's head. She is still too preoccupied with the stone roaming above his head that she doesn't even realize it. Tony finally hears the beep he hoped for and then the glorious chink of the restraints coming off. He instantly flies in Loki's direction, the ceiling only inches from her. He tosses the cube ahead, past Loki.

"Duck, duck, duck...," he mutters. The white light erupts, but that is when the stone comes down.

Everything collapses.

"Where are they?!" Thor cries out, nervously pacing.

It can't be that they lost now, right?

They can't lose.

They cheated death together.

No checkmate, no.

However, that is when the white light erupts next to them, spitting out Tony, who, still in flight, tumbles to the ground, leaving a massive crater behind.

"Goose!" he cries out as he tumbles over the ground. The others hurry over while Tony gets on his knees, his helmet going up. Beneath him is Loki whom he managed to capture last second.

"Empress? Hey, c'mon, no time for beauty sleep now," he says worriedly once he realizes she is unconscious.

"Are you guys alright?" Steve yells as they finally reach them.

"I'm fine, but I don't know about Loki," Tony admits, sliding to the side to give Bruce space, and of course Thor, whose eyes are wide and bloodshot from unshed tears.

"What is it with her?" Thor asks.

"I guess she used up all her energy to keep the ceiling from falling down on us," Tony shrugs.

"She seems fine," Bruce speaks up. "I think she is just exhausted.

Thor runs his palm over the side of her face where a bruise is already forming.

"What about the child?" he asks, his voice thick.

"I don't know. I have no equipment to check," Bruce admits. "I can only hope that this didn't... cause damage."

"Then let's bring her to the Mansion, now," Clint says, already tossing one of the cubes ahead. Thor picks up Loki's still form and hurries into the light. The others follow them.


	37. Maybe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki wakes up after the events of the last chapter. 
> 
> Thor and Loki have a long overdue discussion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everyone! Thanks for sticking around, and for kudoing and commenting!!!
> 
> I hope some of you were at least positively surprised by this twist. For those who foresaw it – you have a very fine sense for that^^
> 
> Okay, so in this chapter we get a bit of Thorki-goodness and set the stage for what's next for our Norse Gods and their little-big future.
> 
> As always, comments are welcome and ever so much appreciated. I do a happy-dance each time I get one, I swear ;)

Thor glances at the still motionless form of the God of Mischief in front of him. Loki is prepped up in one of the beds in the sickbay. His right hand is loosely entangled with hers – and has been ever since he was allowed to sit with her.

It's really curious how vulnerable and frail she is at times. Usually, Loki is what Tony calls a "badass", always tough, always strong, and even if Thor knows by now that she feels much more and much more deeply than meets the eye, Loki still found the strength not only to cover up for it, but also to radiate the opposite force, this strength that made one's skin crawl. When others radiate fear, she radiates this sheer will. Her emerald eyes seem to overflow with devotion even for the smallest of actions.

Yet, here she lies, and Loki looks like a butterfly ripped out of the cocoon too early. The cocoon protected her, even if it meant that she lived apart form the outside world, but it kept her safe, but now... now that cocoon opened, and Thor gets the impression that his bold move to make her move out of that cocoon may have come all too early, if she is still that frail that he is almost afraid of touching her at this very moment.

Thor readjust his grip on her, trying to find solace in the steady rise and fall of her chest. He starts to understand why she finds it so reassuring. It's something so simple, but it#s a visible reminder that this person you care about so deeply is still there.

And he feared he had already lost her.

All over again.

That is when he suddenly feels her hand moving in his. Instinctively, her fist tightens around his as her eyes slowly open, allowing the light to get past her eyelids.

"You're awake!" the thunderer cries out, relief washing over him. Thor clasps her hand ever so tightly with both his palms, eyes wide in surprise and joy. Loki glances at him with a small frown, still coming around. He holds her hand close to his chest with one hand, the other he tears away to place on her forehead, swiping a few loose strands out of her face. She relaxes to his touch, but then her eyes suddenly open wide and her muscles stiffen, "The... the child? What about the child? Did it..."

Thor strokes the side of her cheek again, his voice hushed, "Shh, shh, it's okay. Everything's alright. The child is healthy and sound."

Loki lets out a breath she didn't know she had held, closing her eyes for a few moments.

"And the others? What about Stark?" Loki questions. The last thing she remembers is holding up that rock with her last energy. What came after that is nothing more but a blur of colors and odd shapes... and something about ducks and geese, though she honestly can't put _that._

"He is in best health," Thor assures her quickly. "The same is true for everyone else."

"Then I'm glad," she sighs. Loki already feared that she had failed again after all, failed this child, failed her friends, Thor...

"Do you need anything? Shall I bring Doctor Banner?" Thor asks her, worry still written all over him.

"I'm good, thank you," Loki replies, offering a feeble smile.

"Doctor Banner said so, too... but he also said that you'll have to rest a while," Thor says, his voice now rather bossily. The images of her lifeless form in his arms are still too vivid in his memory, as is the fear he felt within him that either her or the child were hurt in some way.

Thor always thought he was a fearless person, but he knows by now that he _does_ have fears. He fears for Loki. And now also for that child also.

Because they are worth the fear.

"I already guessed as much. This is... I mean...," Loki sighs, but then closes her eyes again. The thoughts are just rambling through her brain that it gets hard to tell them apart, put those marbles on the string in the right order. Right now she just thinks of Thor and the baby, nothing else.

"Thor... I...," she stammers, but that is when both say at the same time, "I'm sorry."

"What are _you_ sorry for?" Thor frowns at her incredulously. After all, he spent the last hours preparing an apology speech, fully convinced that Loki would give him Hel and back for not seeing this, for arguing with her, for all those things.

"I shouldn't have kept it from you. I knew it in a while. And I obviously knew it before that mission," Loki admits, her voice no more than a whisper.

"But why didn't you tell me?" Thor can't help but ask. Because he still fails to understand why she would keep that from him.

"Well, first of all, I was angry at you – for, well, impregnating me," Loki huffs. The thunderer frowns at that, "Oh."

"And then I was mad at myself because... by the Gods, Thor, that was not supposed to happen! At all! I... It was mere chance this happened. I took measurements to prevent that, but...," she mutters, but Thor interrupts her, "You did _what?!"_

Loki narrows her eyes at him, "Now don't you dare give me that look! You really think I let you close in that certain way without taking any measurements?! I'm not that dumb, Thor... it's just that I miscalculated at some point."

And how much she hates it when her plans, her equations, don't work out the way she wants them to.

"In what regard?" Thor furrows his eyebrows at her, so she goes on to explain, "All I know about Jotun physiology... either stems from what I found out by myself... or the Jotuns, and that again mostly from what I know from their books and stories. Because they don't really like me enough to let me in on their deepest secrets after I killed their King... and even from the books I couldn't ever gather much because they are scarcely found outside of Jotunheimr... For all I know, they never mixed with other races. You see... that we... what we are... there are no records for that. This never happened before... So... even if I took measurements to prevent that... I didn't know if it would work... you know, herbs, some magic chants and actually some Midgardian things also... but... seemingly Aesir are rather unaffected by this, for some godforsaken reason!"

She grits her teeth. Loki watched enough Midgardian TV to know that this is... cliché. The woman who ends up pregnant in the worst moment ever. Loki always knew they were living clichés, but she hoped that they were not such awfully ones after all, but they are.

"But what would _you_ apologize for?" Loki then asks.

"I didn't keep you safe," Thor says, bowing his head.

"That can hardly be blamed on you," Loki rolls her eyes.

"Yes! I have an obligation to keep you safe! I didn't. You never should have been on that mission," Thor argues vehemently.

"Thor, I made the decision to go," Loki shakes her head. It's hardly his fault that she decided so. Even she sees that.

"... even if so... I should have protected you. But I was so angry with you about not telling me, or telling me just at this moment, that I didn't have your back in battle. That mustn't happen, whether we are in love, or in argument, or any other disposition. I let you down as a teammate. And that is unforgivable in battle. It may have cost you your life that I couldn't get over my pride," Thor argues, his voice shaking in anguish for himself.

"But I forgive you that," Loki assures him credibly. She knows how much of a strain it is to a man like Thor to feel like he let down one of his companions.

"Thank you," Thor nods.

"Yet, I will tell you so right now: I will have this child," Loki says after a longer pause, her voice suddenly very strong and determined.

"What? Yes, of course you will. You are in best health soon again. You won't miscarry. Rest assured," Thor says, patting the back of her hand.

"That's not what I mean," Loki argues.

"Then what do you mean?" Thor frowns at her.

"Thor, I will have this child of yours, but I don't expect you to accept it," she tells him.

"Of course I accept that you have our child. I wouldn't allow you not to have it!" Thor grimaces.

"Thor, you don't get it," Loki sighs again.

That is why she loves and hates him at the same time. For that look in his eyes. For that innocence. For not seeing what is beyond, for seeing the world so brightly colored.

"What is it that I don't get?" Thor frowns.

"Thor, this child is yours. I lay with no other man," Loki says.

"... I knew that. How would you have another man beside me...?" Thor replies, to which Loki rolls her eyes.

"Then what do you mean to say?" Thor asks, now more seriously again.

"I don't expect anything of you when it comes to this child of yours, because it is my fault I let this happen. You bear no responsibilities towards it," she tells him.

"What?!" Thor gapes at her.

"You are to be King one day, Thor. And in the times that we currently live in, this time might come sooner than either one of us can imagine," Loki says. "The future of Asgard stands on very shaky pillars. Your presence is required there more than ever."

"That I know...," Thor sighs, so Loki carries on, "We still have to keep in mind that it might become necessary that you take the Throne from Odin, at least until he is back to his senses. We talked about this."

"Yes," Thor exhales, letting his head hang low. He detested this conversation, because he certainly didn't like the implication that this would mean he wouldn't get to see Loki during that time. However, the trickster was quite persistent that he may have to steal the Throne from Odin if the plans of the secret treaties did not succeed.

"Well, for that... you have to give up on those responsibilities to the child. In the eyes of Asgard, for that sake, we have to make sure no one knows of it," Loki then says.

"What are you talking about?" Thor blinks at her, his mouth standing slightly open.

"Thor, you have to see that what we do here, being together, is already against the rules, against the law," Loki insists. "It's no longer about this scandal of a seemingly incestuous relationship or... two princes waking up next to each other. It's about the Crown Prince laying with a banished criminal."

"So what?" Thor shrugs. It didn't bother them before, did it?

"It was fine, though, because it was merely the act. It gets frowned upon, but not really sanctioned," Loki exhales.

"Right," Thor nods in agreement.

"That's changed now because there is this being growing within me, a living proof for our crime," Loki tells him, her voice grave.

"Love is no crime," Thor insists.

"Love between the future King of Asgard and an outlaw banished to Midgard is, in the eyes of Asgard," Loki hisses.

"What would it matter?" Thor shrugs.

"Thor, now don't be dense! This crime, if it came to light at this very moment would take any chance away from you to climb the Throne. If Odin were to know about this, he would banish you, or worse, and he would most certainly, and rightly so, deny you the Throne and any other rights of a royal," Loki says, gesticulating with her free hand.

"I don't care about my title," Thor argues.

"But you have to!" Loki insists.

"No," Thor shakes his head simply. He doesn't care about his title. He really doesn't. There was a time when he did, but that is long since over now.

"Yes! You are the only one standing between Odin and the other worlds, between war and peace. If you fall out of line now, if you don't keep the chance open to become King and stay Commander-in-chief, everything is lost, Thor. Odin will cut all ties to Midgard – and it is very likely that Asgard will be attacked the moment the exclusion fully unfolds. You mustn't appear in a bad light to Odin, more than you do anyways," Loki growls.

"You can't ask me to deceive that child. It is mine, you said it," Thor growls.

"Yes, it is, but... it is a child you were never supposed to have, Thor," Loki argues.

"But this is not political," Thor shakes his head. "This is..."

"It _is_ political, Thor. It couldn't be any more political. Even if we take aside for a second that Odin is going insane over this... even if... if this crisis wasn't there... what would be? Huh? Sooner or later ,the day would come that you'd climb the Throne," she insists.

"So?" he grimaces.

"If you are to rule Asgard, now sooner or later... I cannot follow," Loki replies, her voice growing weak towards the end.

"That's not true. Once I am King, I can lift your sentence and you may return with me," Thor argues.

"No," Loki shakes her head.

"Why not?" Thor blinks at her.

"Thor, the people of Asgard _hate_ me. And they have any reason to. I caused them harm. A lot of it. Do you really think that they would accept a Jotun breed as... their Queen? After all she's done? Or rather... after all _he's_ done? After all he is, she is? Believe me, they won't," Loki shakes her head, her voice quivering.

"But... there are a lot more reasons that played into your... breakout," Thor argues. "We talked about this. If the people knew..."

"They'd have me dangling from the gallows," Loki snorts.

"I wouldn't let that happen," Thor shakes his head.

"But it's what they'd want. That would weaken you, you and your reign," Loki replies. "And it's not even just about that, Thor. I don't need to be Queen... or someone's acceptance. I lived well without it in eons of time, but... I don't _want_ to go back to Asgard either."

"What?" Thor blinks at her.

"Every fiber of my being fights it," Loki admits, biting her lower lip.

"But a while ago it sounded like you wanted to be back," Thor argues. After all, she pushed him into making those plans. She helped find ways to keep Asgard safe. She showed concern reaching beyond that she feels for Mother or for him.

"And I wanted to, for a while, but now no longer," Loki admits.

And how foolish she was for ever considering this.

"Why?" Thor asks, his voice raw.

"I... I have a life here now. I am _me,_ I am the closest thing to being me than I ever was other than during our childhood," Loki says, a lone tear running down her face. "I am happy here. With our friends. With our mission. With earth. This is actually a life again. I found a new purpose and with that I also found peace. Something I believed I would never be able to have again."

Thor glances at her sadly, so Loki carries on, "And in Asgard... I won't ever have it, I know. There is just too much that's happened. All the hatred towards me, and from me... I would go down, and I can't do that to you, or this child. And if I were to go there, and then as your mistress or whatever... under a different name... I would always be the courtesan. And I won't be that. I won't. Ever. I can't, Thor. As much as I love you, you can't demand from me that I live in a golden cage. Asgard means imprisonment to me. I fear it will always."

"But, in theory... if we go by a different name... then you can be Queen and no one will know," Thor argues. "And by that I do not mean that you'd have to, I hope you see that."

" _I_ will know," Loki argues in a soft voice. "And... I do not wish to base the life of this child on lies. I did for mine, and see where it got me. I mean, I'm happy now, but... the way there was paved with... anger and resent and pain. I do not wish that for this child."

"I wouldn't ever force you," Thor tells her.

"I know you wouldn't," Loki shrugs. "But the thing is... even if we didn't ever make it public... and you climb the Throne one day, with me here and you visiting, for example... you still have a certain role to fulfill, which is something we mustn't ignore."

Thor glances at her, so she explains, "Thor, you are to have a Queen and Thorsons to continue your heritage once you resign from the position as the King. You are to have an heir, with a _righteous_ Queen."

"I already said, you'd be," Thor argues.

"If I stay on Earth, I can't. A Queen of Asgard has to be in Asgard," Loki tells him. "Look, it's actually quite easy. You don't have to accept the child, _officially._ He or she would be no heir and would have no right to the Throne. That'd mean you were free to have children with a Queen to produce the heir needed to secure the Crown. Of course you may come to see him or her, be the father, but... just not officially. That is the easiest of options. You go save Asgard and eventually become its King, and I stay here and am a mother and will be with the Avengers. It will be raised here."

"No. I don't accept that," Thor replies.

"Thor, your responsibilities towards Asgard are bigger than those to me... or this child," Loki argues, but Thor is having none of it.

Enough is enough.

"I love you and I love this child," he insists.

"It doesn't change a thing. This child, if you ever accepted it as your first heir, would be a bastard child, your firstborn would be a bastard. And not only a bastard produced within Aesir blood, but it will be a child of three world: Asgard, Jotunheimr and Earth...," Loki says, her voice growing weaker. "And I don't even know what it will look like once it is born. Will it be blue? Or green? Or purple? I won't run the risk of this child going through what I went through, not knowing of its true heritage, or being forced to hide it. And even if one couldn't see it, I will not tell him or her lies about this or force it to lie about it. It broke me in ways that I can't even explain. I will not do that to this child. You can't present it as your heir as the King. So you have to... you have to let us go. You have to let us stay on Earth, as us. You may visit, but all in secret. That's the only option we have... or you don't see us altogether... I mean... I said it, you have... no responsibilities... I can tell the child I don't know the father, if you wish for that, to save the shame or the risk of being uncovered..."

Her voice trails off, but that is when Thor intervenes, "No. Not ever. This is my child. And I love this child. I won't be any less for it than its father."

"That's what it may be to you, but not what it will be to the law or to the people," Loki argues vehemently.

"I can change the law, and I will," Thor retorts.

"But you will not change the minds, Thor! You won't! And I won't accept this child to be looked down at! Scowled at! You know what I went through. You know what it did to me, how it changed me. I am the mother of this child and I love it too much to give it such a pain. No, just no!" Loki shakes her head.

"I don't demand that from you," Thor argues.

"... and even if it's not about the people... What is with Odin? If he finds out about us, in the state he is in now, so set in his ways that he is a statue? He might send you to a different realm. Make it impossible for us to ever meet again. He could kill you, even. He did with Hel and me already. And who knows what he'll do to the child...? What if he takes it away from us? What if he... what if he kills it?" Loki replies, fresh tears welling up her eyes, making the emerald of her eyes glisten like crystals.

"Father would never," Thor means to say, but Loki quickly cuts him off, "Really? What about my other children, those he sent away, tied to places so far away that no one can reach them?"

"Loki... I know it's horrible to say, but... but he did not _kill_ them in that sense, he...," Thor mumbles, but Loki is having none of it and shrieks, "He compelled Hel to death."

"I know," Thor says, his head hanging low.

"So what makes you so certain that he won't do it again, if he did before, again and again and again?" Loki argues.

"... he won't. I don't believe," Thor mutters.

"It would be mere chance to count on his affection for you not to kill this child. But he might – and I can't allow such danger to our child! No, Thor! No!" the trickster cries out.

Yes, she risked that little life once, but that one time made her realize just how deeply she cares about it. At some point Loki thought she lost the ability to love a child like a mother, but now she finds herself with the same warm sensation in her guts that makes her want to go beyond all boundaries.

Even if she hates the circumstances, she... loves this child.

"Loki, so listen to me," Thor means to say, but the trickster interrupts him, "What do you expect of me, huh? That I... that... I... I make our child the sacrifice of our selfish happiness?"

"No, but...," Thor shakes his head, but she cuts him off again, "You have to see the bigger picture. Let's think further ahead: You have to see that you as Asgard's King cannot be with me or this child, officially. That is a circumstance we really can't move around."

"Then I shall not become King!" Thor argues. "Ever."

"What?!" she blinks at him.

"I shall deny the Throne," Thor tells her.

"You have responsibilities towards...," Loki means to say, but this time Thor interrupts her, "I don't care."

"... A war might break loose if you are in no position to take Odin's place, in case," Loki argues, even if she is repeating the arguments, but... but that is the truth. That is how it is. Sometimes you can't choose. Sometimes you just have to make the best out of a given situation.

Sometimes you have to be happy between the lines.

And be satisfied with it.

"It doesn't matter," Thor tells her persistently.

"Yes, it does," she snarls.

"No, this is not about politics, I told you," Thor insists.

"It is about politics," Loki shakes her head.

It always is.

"It's about love, Loki," Thor argues, his voice soft but strong.

"And that love is bound...," Loki means to say, but Thor interrupts her, "Not to me."

"Thor...," she sighs.

"It is about our love. I love you so much more than the Throne. I love this child more than the Throne could ever give me. If staying with you means to let go of the Throne, then so I will!" Thor tells her in a strong voice, leaving no doubt in his decision.

"What about your people? What about Asgard?" Loki insists, out of breath.

"I don't love them enough to put them over you," Thor shakes his head.

"What if...," Loki means to say, but Thor just shakes his head, "No."

"What now?" she huffs.

Does he really think simply denying the problems will solve them.

"No more what ifs," Thor says.

"Those are the questions we have to ask ourselves to...," Loki means to say, but once again, Thor cuts her off, "Loki, we ask ourselves that question all the time – and see where that gets us. We don't know what the future hold. I mean, you know sometimes, but... but you can't foresee everything either. We didn't see this coming. We don't know what comes tomorrow."

"Right, so we have to prepare," Loki argues.

"You always think that every what if has to turn for bad, Loki. Why shouldn't things pan out for once? What about _that_ what if? What if our child is born healthy? What if I am able to convince Father to stop his madness? What if your plan works and the other realms still hold on to the peace treaties, now on paper or not? What if... what if Father comes to his senses, sees his mistakes and... and apologizes? What if Asgard is no longer the rigid state it used to be? What if its people moved without our notice? What about those what ifs?" Thor questions.

"... the probability that they come about is fleetingly little, and that is already exaggerated," Loki says in a meek voice.

"But the chance is there, Loki. And even if not... I think we owe it to ourselves to try to build up a future of our own. And no, I don't accept a future that does not have you or that child of ours in it. I

know that now. I can't live without you, and I won't be able to live without that child," Thor tells her in a strong voice, holding on to Loki's hand a little tighter.

There is a longer pause until he speaks up again, "Can you only remotely imagine how... how happy I am?"

"Happy?!" she cries out.

Thor can't be sincere, can he?

"This is my child growing within you. You know that I always dreamed of a family, of a child, of someone to care about more than anything else," Thor says, with that flash of hope in his eyes that makes Loki go weak. Yes, she knows how he almost mused about that when they were still younger and not yet weighted with argument or bad fortune. He would smile, lean back and paint his future with this child, how he'd show it how to fight, to hunt, how to ride a stallion.

Thor really dreamed of having a family one day.

However, Loki fails to see how this is anything close to what he pictured while glancing into Asgard's sun while sitting in the gardens with the trickster.

"I am by no means a perfect man, you know that the very best. I'm a fool most of my time, but... but _this._.. I think this is my proudest achievement now. I know that we agreed that it was that we found together, but now that there is this child... how could I not be happy that I finally managed to create something purely good?" Thor argues.

"Purely good?" she grimaces.

"I don't care for what it is. It could come out a serpent or dragon and I wouldn't love it any less. It is perfect the way it is, for it is my child, it is the child I have with the person I love. And that is all that matters to me. And I won't deny that happiness," Thor speaks.

"Thor, it would be very unwise at this point to tell Odin...," Loki insists, though her voice lacks any strength. She wants to melt into this feeling that he radiates. That it's okay. That this is love. That this is...

Happiness.

"And that I see. I'm not foolish, Loki, not that much that I fail to this," Thor argues. "But it's not about wise or unwise, right or wrong. I know that you like to make plans. I know that you rather think things through, but... Love's an emotion independent of all plans. It's against reason that we two are together. We both know that, and still... still we are. And it might be against reason that this child is to be born into this world, but... we love it. That is all that matters. All those other things are circumstances we can change, but what I can't and won't change is my love to you and that child of ours. You can tell me all you want that this shouldn't be or mustn't be. I simply do not care, Loki."

"This is not just about us. Not about our micro cosmos, it's about the _entire_ cosmos. It is about the bigger picture. And in the bigger picture... there is no place for us... as _us._ There has never been," Loki argues sullenly.

"Yes, there is! I... we just have to...," Thor argues vehemently, but the trickster just shakes her head sadly, "There is nothing you can do. There is nothing we can do. This child will always be a child of different realms. I shall do my best to give it a home, but it's already cursing in its blood that it will never have a real place, will be homeless to the day it dies. That is enough of a burden to carry. It shouldn't carry our burdens on tops," Loki whispers.

"And I say it again: I love you. And this child. You can't ask me not to love it," Thor argues.

"And I don't. But you have to see that perhaps I have good reason to ask you to love it differently. Love it, but in secret. Kiss it, but hidden. Hold it, but in the shadows," Loki argues.

"I won't accept that, not in the future. I can agree that we have to keep it hidden now, until things are cleared with the peace treaties, but... I will do anything to find a way to get this clarified, so that we can be together, for all to see, and that our child can grow up in the light of day," Thor argues.

"Even if by some miraculous twist of fate you manage to make that happen, stop Odin's madness, open the gates, restore peace... it remains, Asgard is no longer my home. It will never be. How do I bring up a child in a home that is none to me? How do I give it a home if I don't even have it? The closest thing to home... it's this. That's what it will always boil down to. We are bound to either place, by destiny or preference. We are creatures of different realms," Loki argues sadly. "and I don't see how that will ever change in the future."

"I will do anything to build that future for us where we can be together, with this child, in the light," Thor says, his voice now almost failing him.

"Don't promise what you can't hold," she argues.

"I don't promise you that I will make it happen. I would love to, but... but I can't. I see that. Even if I wish to move past all circumstances... they are there. So I can't promise you that I will make that happen for sure, but what I can assure you of hereby is that I will fight for this our world till my last breath, and beyond. I shall not stop until you, the child and I have that world for us," Thor vows.

"I don't see it happening," Loki shakes her head sadly.

"Have faith in me," Thor says.

"I do, Thor. Believe it or not. I have faith in you, in your devotion... your love, but... but I don't have faith in the world to be on our side. I don't have faith in... Odin, that he will come to his senses, that he will not do harm to this child or me. I don't have faith in Asgard to ever accept us, accept this. I don't have faith in... our future, at least not in that way," Loki admits, bowing her head.

"Then rely on that faith you have in me," Thor says before leaving his free hand on her stomach. "And rely on the faith for this child."

Loki grasps his hand and squeezes it.

"It seems to be that we always have enough trouble for ten lives," she sighs.

"That makes success ever so sweet," Thor manages to chuckle softly.

"So it's worth the fight," she whispers.

"Worth _any_ fight," Thor nods.

"I hope you're right in the end," Loki mutters.

"That I can be sure of," Thor smiles at her. "That I know for certain."

Loki is worth any fight.

Any fear.

And so is this child.

That is set into stone, those are the pillars no circumstance can shake, in Thor's eyes. All realms could be at war, and still he'd know those pillars steady within him.

It might be romantic wishful thinking, foolish hope, even, but the God of Thunder doesn't care. It was this spirit that brought him to the point that he is the with the person he loves, and now has the prospect of a future with them, however small that is now. It might be that the circumstances couldn't be any worse, but in essence, they are there. They are here. At this very moment.

And they are together.

Maybe they don't know what the future holds, but they know what the present holds.

And that is enough to fight for.

"We're having a child," Thor smiles at her at last.

"We're having a child," Loki sighs, the smallest of smiles creeping up her lips as he tightens his grip on her wrist.

They are having a child.

In what future?

No one knows.

But... maybe... maybe asking oneself about the big what-ifs is the wrong thing after all.

Maybe trusting a maybe is better, is good, is the right thing after all.

Maybe... just maybe.


	38. A Scrap of Hope in the Clouds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki is pensive. 
> 
> Thor is daring to be hopeful. 
> 
> Then a visitor arrives...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking around! 
> 
> I jumped a bit ahead in time with this chapter. 
> 
> Once again, since I did not read the comics, my depiction of Asgard's law system and rules sparks out of my own imagination, except for Odin being the absolute monarch. That, as far as my knowledge goes, really is the case. So I hope you forgive me that, in case you find it bothersome.
> 
> Anyways, I move a bit forward in time to push the story – and have Loki's pregnancy proceed.
> 
> I hope you'll enjoy ;)

After the many revelations which came about in times of crisis, the two Norse Gods are not only faced with the trouble of a raging Allfather whose plans remain as dark as the shadows haunting his face, but also their own little fortune threatened by exactly those shadows looming above their heads the same way.

Even though Loki dares to hold on to that scrap of hope Thor persistently tells her is out there, or rather, as he says, within her, the God of Mischief finds her mind wandering as her stomach grows, a wonderful, yet terrible memento of what might be in the future, or what may not be.

On a positive note, their secret plan of finding allies without treaties actually seems to succeed in most cases. However, Loki knows that one of the greatest threats comes from her own home realm, Jotunheimr, for they will hardly agree to any so such oral treaty for as long as it comes from Thor, the man who helped bring down and balked their plans.

And one of the greatest threats is the invisible clock ticking relentlessly – for no one knows when Odin decided that Thor has to return to Asgard and stay there, while he shall cut all ties to Midgard as a final piece. Loki thought time and time again about a scheme that would grant them extension, but the trickster fears that there is no such trick, or rather… that her power of trick and mischief will not suffice to hold on to the man she loves and the child she loves, growing under her heart with every day passing.

And that is what makes her heart ache ever the more.

There is nothing she can do.

She cannot fight.

She cannot design a scheme to bring Odin down or at least stop him.

She cannot leave this place and seek protection as Loki did with her other children for a fleeting moment, if only the bathrooms or some distant cave.

Loki feels not helpless. She knows she has support on her side. She does. The Avengers, each of them, does anything to support her, emotionally, and physically. Tony already muses about child rooms and starts on toys, the fool, and everyone shows not only concern, but allows Loki to continue with her work and carry on with the usual routine, rather than wallowing in self-pity, knowing that this is for her best after all. They know her and they care for her, regardless of the danger both Gods put them in, if indirectly, by their connection to Odin and his plan of cutting all ties to the other realms.

Yet, she feels unable in that certain way. Because Loki finds herself once again in the position where she cannot do anything other than stand by and watch as Thor goes off to fight the fight not only for Asgard, but for them, too, for their future growing under her heart. And that makes Loki shiver. She hates to be bound to stand by. She wants to change a situation.

That spirit made her go against the Allfather.

Against Thor.

Against the realms.

And even though it was obviously to no good cause, the trickster felt at least not stuck in one place, not locked in a room while the others acted.

As corny as it may sound, at least she tried. At least she didn't allow stasis to overtake her, but now? It looks just like she will become one of those women from the old tales looking out of the window, waiting for her heroic and brave man to go and fight the evil monsters, hoping for a safe return. Loki loves books, she loves old tales, but she always hoped she wouldn't be imprinted upon those pages in such a manner.

Suddenly the world seems so small again, like walls closing in on her. As though life suddenly is just a sheet of paper stacked up in the book with the painting of her glancing out of the window as thunder rolls outside.

"… Loki?"

The trickster shakes her head, forcing her mind back to the mansion, or rather, her significant other looking at her with a mixture of worry as both sit on the couch in the lounge area.

"I beg your pardon? What did you say? I was absent for a moment," she shakes her head to turn her attention back to the thunderer.

"I asked what is on your mind," Thor repeats, his voice soft.

"Many things at once. You know how I am," Loki shrugs.

"Truly, but you are alright?" Thor smiles, concern pulling his brows down.

"Perfect, well, according to the circumstances," the trickster corrects herself. Thor grimaces at her.

Because he knows that everything is far from perfect, though it should be. It should be the happiest and most joyous time of their lives, of their life together. They should spend their days arguing about how the child's room should look like, or what name it should have, they should spend their days together dreaming of their wonderful future. Just that they do none of that. Instead they anxiously wait for the next messenger to come to claim Thor for Asgard's duties, tearing him away from his loved ones. Instead they have to worry about what Odin is up to, what this will lead to, and how to build up a good protection to make sure the child lives safely.

Thor dreamed of children and now to have one with the person he loves like no one else should be like walking through Valhalla, just that… there are rocks in the way, and above, raining down on them in an avalanche, followed by a session of earthquakes, tearing up the ground beneath them. He wished he could just treat it like some enemy to slay. Thor would fight it till the bitter end. But it is no single enemy. It is so many things at once.

Even though…

Thor finds it ever the more tempting… this one thought… because there is this one single cause whose removal might mean their happiness in a brighter light again.

His heart clenches for the mere consideration.

What if he fought Odin?

Killed him?

Would that solve all problems for them?

Would that be worth it?

There was a time when Thor was by no means in doubt about his father. Even when he called him an old fool and was banished for it, Thor always believed in this man's integrity and… well, he believed in his _father_ , maybe not the king, but the father he was to him. The person who brought him up, held his hand, taught him so many things, and brought with him in a bundle the creature from Jotunheimr that grew to be the center of Thor's life, who wanted to offer everything to him, his kingdom, his realm. However, shadows were cast upon that illuminating picture of Odin the more Loki shed light on it, about all the mistreatments and mistakes Thor didn't see or, upon more honest reflection, didn't want to see sometimes. The lies he told him. The lies he also told him to keep him away from Loki. However, even as those revelations unfolded, Thor dared to hold on to maybe not the Allfather, but simply his father. Even through all the hatred, there are feelings for this man, feelings that bear the same light as they did during childhood.

Will it really come down to it that Thor has to choose between the man who brought him up and the woman who shares his heart and through her inner darkness brought out the better in him?

Thor absently runs his hand over Loki's growing stomach. It calms his nerves and hushes his thoughts out of the dark places of his mind.

It's like touching hope, because beneath the layers of skin, there grows his flash of hope, a new life, life he created with her. It's curious how small it seems to some people when in fact it is… so much more, so much more a miracle.

"Is it awful to say that I miss going to battle?" Loki suddenly asks, turning to him.

"What?" he frowns at the trickster, who shrugs, "I agreed to stay out of the active missions ever since… my one foolish mistake with Sinister, but… I do miss it now. And I never thought I would. It's awful, isn't it?"

"Well, I will hardly blame you for it. You know that this is how I feel when I have to stay behind in battle," Thor argues. He went nearly insane when he had to stay in sickbay after the battle against Gorr.

"For once this is actually serving a good cause, then," Loki snickers.

"But you're still of great help, you know that," Thor insists. She really is. Even though she does not join into the fights anymore, she coordinates, points out strategies, and directs them home safely.

"Obviously. If not for my coordination, you'd often run around like chicken," Loki huffs. Sometimes she can't believe how they managed before. Even though this again makes a smile creep to her lips – Loki is a part of that team which grew to be so central to the Avengers that its absence… actually makes a difference. Something is missing when she is not there. And that is a feeling she honestly missed in a long time when back in Asgard. Not only to be missed, but really needed, that her absence left a wound.

Thor chuckles softly, easing back against the couch. Loki copies his movement. Tony already commented that those two are utterly boring. Thor and Loki, at least these days, do nothing much but spending time together sitting on the couch, on the bed, reading and getting read to, and "hanging out" with the rest of the Avengers. Not that either of the two really minds the comment. For them it's actually the best treatment for their aching hearts. They are close to each other, close enough to feel each other's breaths. They enjoy the privacy they have, the intimacy that they lack when they are torn apart.

You don't need words to express your love, neither das it take grand actions.

"Why do you miss the battlefield, though? I know for a fact that you do not necessarily love it," Thor frowns.

"Well, I guess it's always as the old saying goes, you have to lose something to miss it. I could fight before, because I always had to. Now I shouldn't, so… my system is seemingly confused. Though I will blame it on the pregnancy as a side-effect on any other occasion," Loki shrugs.

"Well, in any case I'm glad that you listen to reason," Thor grimaces. He was honestly fearful that Loki would insist on continuing to assist on the battlefields. As much as he loves that woman, she is maybe even more stubborn than him on some occasions, and that seems hardly possible.

Loki means to say something when suddenly a beeping sounds fills the room. The trickster rolls her eyes as she fishes a small panel out of her trousers pocket.

"… we are about to have guests from Asgard, as it appears," she sighs.

"What? So early?!" Thor cries out. It has only been a short while since he came back to Earth.

Loki shrugs at him, "I honestly ask myself what takes Odin so long. I thought he'd rather cut down contact all at once, but his plan takes unnaturally long to unfold."

"But still," the God of Thunder insists.

"Yeah, I know, but… it's nothing we can change. You have to go once the King calls," Loki shrugs.

"Maybe he just lets me know that he is finally back to his senses," Thor huffs.

"Don't make me laugh," Loki rolls her eyes. Thor grins at her. Both know how utterly ridiculous that is.

"Well, I guess we should prep up for the meeting then," she sighs as she gets up. "I'm already looking forward to the day when I can see my feet again. I always hate that about pregnancy."

Thor chuckles softly. Never did she look more beautiful – and that seems hardly possible. Even with her growing stomach, she has the walk of a queen, graceful as ever. And she glows from the inside so bright that sometimes Thor has to squint to believe it.

The two make their way to the lab where Tony and Bruce are already hovering over the computer systems.

"We're having Asgardians over for barbecue," Tony declares upon their entrance, already working on the screens, as does Bruce. Loki walks up to them to overlook the findings as well.

"I hope they bring something decent with them. Their party presents weren't too good lately," Loki grimaces as she swipes with her fingers over some of the graphs.

"Oh, someone's finally catching up to my humor," Tony grins at her dumbly.

"Just that it isn't funny nevertheless," Loki huffs, before turning to Bruce more seriously. "What are the estimations?"

"In twenty minutes. Approximate destination… over here," Bruce says, pointing to the place on the map they calculated. If anything good came of Thor's constant come-and-go, it is that they received a lot of data. That means their calculations are now almost perfectly accurate.

"At least they try to stay away from the city. That always takes so much explaining," Loki makes a face.

"I actually find it funny what news then come up with for a fitting storyline," Bruce smirks.

"My personal favorite was how it was just something like the aurora. To the day I can't believe people bought that," Tony snickers.

"Never underestimate people's foolishness," Loki huffs.

"Well, I guess we'd do good sending them their Prince as a welcoming party. The usual procedure, no?" Tony shrugs.

"I have a really bad feeling about this," Thor makes a face.

"That's more of Loki's line, for the record," Tony grins. Loki rolls her eyes before she hands a cube to Thor, "I suppose we'll do fine just observing, right?"

"I see no reason to change the winning team," Bruce shrugs.

"What if they take him hostage?" Tony argues.

"… their own prince? Seriously?" Bruce huffs.

"Stuff happens," Tony insists.

"Like you being smart?" Bruce snorts.

"Oh, that almost hurt my feelings right there, Doctor Banner," Tony grins.

"I'll see you later," Thor waves at them.

"Make sure you do," Loki tells him, her emeralds flickering with their usual intensity. Thor turns around and leaves the mansion to get to the open field Bruce and Tony pointed to. He soon finds himself standing amidst it.

He waits until the time is up. And as predicted, the white light erupts from the sky and three people step out, Sif in company of two of the royal army. Thor hoped for a moment it would simply be his friends, but at least it is one fellow among them. That is at least something.

"My dear Sif, it is good to see you," Thor greets the warrior as she steps closer, bowing her head, "My Prince."

"Not so formal, Sif, not so formal," Thor reminds her.

"Though it is for a formal reason that I am here," Sif argues.

"I already assumed such, but what is it that brings you here formally, then?" Thor questions.

"Your Father orders you back to Asgard as soon as possible," the warrior replies, bringing Thor's heart to sink. His face turns dark as he speaks with utter disdain, "What realm does he now mean to exclude?"

"It is not about that… for now," Sif replies, making the thunderer frown even more, "Then what instead? Does he finally come to his senses?"

"The Allfather seeks your presence for the sake of the throne, Mylord," one of the soldiers speaks up in a booming voice. At this point Thor is really glad that Loki didn't come along – she wouldn't have managed to hold back the laughter at the stiff behavior.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Thor grimaces.

"He means to give the throne to you, or so he said," Sif explains.

"… what?" the God of Thunder blinks at her incredulously.

"Well, not right at this moment. It is more of…," Sif shrugs, her voice trailing off, but Thor completes knowingly, "A test."

That is actually one of Odin's traits that will seemingly never change. He always sought to teach Thor lessons by making him undergo some kind of test – even his stay on earth, in the end, was a test for Thor learn modesty, after all. However, such tests _now_ only bring about within him more anger. Thor doesn't need foolish tests to teach him some lesson when the real test is here on Earth, growing under Loki's heart. That is the kind of test that should be in focus now, and not an old man's antics.

"I suppose so, my Prince," Sif grimaces, noting his annoyed tone.

"That man must have lost his wits," Thor mutters, making the other of the two soldiers almost jump up in protest, "Mylord!"

"T'is none of your business, Soldier, so you do better staying out of internal affairs," Thor growls at the man, who instantly bows his head, "Of course, Mylord."

Thor grins to himself. They are good men, no doubt, and they are very loyal to Odin, even more loyal than to him, but that is natural. After all, he is the Allfather. Yet, it's always funny to observe how they jump once they see they overstepped some boundaries.

"If you would grant us some privacy?" Sif turns to the men.

"But Milady," the first one means to insist.

"This was a polite order. Now step back and let us talk," Sif demands.

"Of course," the soldiers say in unison. The two take a few strides back to grant them the demanded privacy. Thor grimaces, yet another novelty that doesn't add up to the rest. Why does Odin send soldiers with Sif, or Sif with soldiers? Before, it was either one.

"I know that you rather stay here on Midgard and not on Asgard, for a while now, but Thor – you have to see that this might be… a good chance," Sif argues, drawing closer and a little away from the guards. "If you seek to make changes, as you promised, sitting upon the throne will greatly help your cause."

"I do not seek the throne," Thor tells her sternly, his voice low.

"It's what you dreamed of all the while," Sif argues with wide eyes.

"My priorities changed," the thunderer explains.

"And surely those priorities now revolve around Midgard," Sif huffs, making her disappointment no secret. Something that he actually likes about her a lot is that Sif never holds back her opinion of anyone or anything. Very much like him in that regard.

"In fact they do," Thor agrees. There is no reason to make that a secret, is there? His persistent wish to return to Midgard is surely broad enough a hint.

"Do I really have to remind you what is at risk here? This might be the olive branch you were secretly looking for. You took a risk for this to happen. And now that hope for Asgard and its people is just within your grasp, you draw away?! What is the matter with you?!" Sif curses.

"No, no, you get me wrong," Thor assures her.

"What is it that you are not telling?" Sif asks, now in a softer voice.

"I am not withholding anything," Thor insists.

"Right. Thor, we have known each other since the early years of our lives. I do know such a lie when I see it," the warrior huffs.

If only she knew…

"I do not wish to leave my friends here. I have the feeling that I will not return once I set off to take my seat upon that throne. As my father seems to be proof of it, it tends to suck people in and keep them there, as bloody fools," Thor snarls.

"I can only implore you to obey his orders. This is the chance. Don't give it away," Sif argues. "Whatever is it that holds you here so tightly, I do not know, but… but I beg you not to forget the people whose protection you vowed by the coronation and for whom you already took the risk of the… _treaties_."

To tell the truth, he did not take that risk for them alone, or rather, they were only the second thing on Thor's mind ever since. The first was and still is to ensure Loki's and their child's safety.

"I will not. And I won't let my people down, Sif. You know that I stand to my word," Thor argues, now with a stronger voice.

"And so did the King, but as you said, people change," Sif snorts.

"I don't ever change," Thor grins at her.

"You have greatly changed, my friend. I do not know why or how, but you are no longer the man that I used to know a while back," Sif shakes her head.

Indeed he changed.

For Loki. Thanks to Loki.

For this child. Thanks to this child.

Thor doesn't know if he really matured over the matter, but he feels different in certain ways. He still holds dear most of the paradigms he laid out early on in his life. He holds on to the virtues of loyalty, of integrity, and pride. And sadly, he is still more often a fool than a man of wisdom. Nothing much has changed about that, but yes, indeed he feels a kind of strength growing within him he didn't know was there, a kind of steadiness that was long overshadowed by his bold and often overly dashing character. He feels calm when there once was thunder rolling deep within him.

However, it is oddly satisfying to hear it from an outside observer who knows the former him that he has indeed changed. It makes him more confident in that he can also change things outside of himself. In the world Thor seeks to create for his loved ones.

"But my devotion and my loyalty have not, I assure you," Thor tells her credibly.

"So will you come?" Sif asks tentatively, her arms crossed over her chest.

"I would like to talk to the Avengers first," Thor grimaces.

"What do they have to do with Asgard's business?!" the woman breaks out.

"They have to do with it, for they are my friends also, Sif. I cannot just take off," Thor replies.

"You make it sound as though you sought their council to decide if it is a good idea to go, or to stay, should I rather say?" she narrows her eyes at him angrily.

"I do seek their council, but not to make decisions in my name, but to hear their opinion. As I do with all my friends. Or did I never seek your council, or that of the Warrior Three?" Thor retorts.

"You did," she sighs.

"And so I ask them for their opinion to make up my mind," Thor shrugs.

"Does the trickster have his hands in this, too?" Sif huffs.

"… are you sincere?" Thor can't help the angry facial expression. He knows that Sif and Loki never got along, but it is especially her who means to put the blame on Loki for Odin's actions, and that even though it seems hardly possible even from Sif's perspective that the God of Mischief is behind all these happenings.

Sif shrugs.

"After all this time, still the same feud?" Thor shakes his head, now almost sounding disappointed.

"Your Father says…," she means to say, but he quickly interrupts her, "And you just told me not long ago how much you are against his decisions lately. So you should do better not listening to his inquiries and take them to heart."

Sif looks to the side.

"This is not Loki's doing. This is business between my Father and I that he, sadly, seemingly wants to take out on the battlegrounds of all realms, but Loki has nothing to do with that," Thor tells her another time, now in a softer voice. He knows that the warriors suffered heavy at the loss of Hogun as he was sent back to his homelands, which explains most of their anger, but it does not justify them in blaming it on Loki. And regardless of being forced to hide the true nature of their relationship from the outside world, Thor will not accept it that people talk about Loki in that way.

"You said so before and…," Sif means to argue, but Thor holds up his hands, "Sif, I will not hear it."

"But…," the warrior tries another time, but Thor is fed up with it, "Just stop right there, mind you? I ask you as one of your oldest friends. Trust my judgment. It is not Loki's doing. Given the banishment, there is nothing much Loki can do to affect Odin or Asgard, especially since the exclusion is actually not in Loki's favor."

"Is it not?" the woman frown.

"Trust me, no," Thor shakes his head, his expression instantly back to sadness. Because the exclusion from Asgard, regardless of the positive note of their reunion and the prospect of their child, left Loki weaker than before, unable to escape Odin's wrath if it came to it, and generally a broken person for a long time until brighter days came again.

"Loki did not have it easy here on Earth to adjust. And as the loss of Hogun as our companion does it to you, it should actually make you aware how much it tears at all of us to be apart. Loki is no different, so I would kindly ask you to leave it at that. I do not care if you gossip with another fellow if you feel the need to, but do not turn to me about such business."

"I'm sorry," Sif sighs, though her apology sounds more credibly than Thor had anticipated. "I guess it really is the entire situation that forces me into an even fouler mood than I can be in most of my times."

She manages a weary grin Thor sends back at her, "It is alright. I do understand that this is difficult for you, my friends, especially."

Sif nods gratefully at him.

"Then so it is… I think you got the message. If you seek to come, you should do so at least by next day or else the Allfather will be raging, _again_. If you don't come… I don't know what he will do to convince you, so you should better be prepared," Sif warns him.

"Thank you," Thor nods.

"… I hope to see you back home soon," Sif grimaces uncertainly.

"I will see if I come to Asgard," Thor nods.

" _Home_ , Thor, home," she corrects him.

"I don't know if it still is," the God of Thunder admits. It didn't feel like home the first time he came back, when he learned about Odin's bad disposition, and it felt less like home every time he was forced to return. Actually, his life was turned around in terms of that longing for return. When he and Loki didn't get along at all, he found his mind longing for Asgard, he dreamed of the golden halls, of the mountains and statues, of his father and mother. But now it is that he sleeps in the silken sheets in Asgard's palace that he yearns for emerald eyes and woolen sheets in the mansion, where there is no gold but simple metal.

"Well, you are the only one capable of making it one again," Sif sighs, stepping back a little. "Goodbye, my Prince."

"Goodbye," Thor nods, bowing his head a little.

"Then we shall head back," Sif speaks to the soldiers. They take their position and soon the light claims them again, swallows them up greedily. Thor watches as the light dies out.

Stones, stones everywhere. Stones are even in the sky.

* * *

He makes his way back to the mansion as quick as possible, knowing that they now have very urgent business to discuss. The others already gathered upon the news of Asgard visitors. Thor looks at them with mixed feeling, but once his eyes fall upon Loki, it's as though she looks right inside of him to know what the matter is. Her eyes darken as the curtain of hair falls into her face.

"… It did not go well," she says. A look in his eyes is enough to know.

"Not really," Thor grimaces.

"What is Odin up to?" Clint questions.

"He wants to see me back," Thor replies.

"Well, newsflash," Tony huffs.

"… to have me… test… the throne," Thor adds uncertainly, his eyes fixed on Loki, seeking her reaction – because he does not yet know how to react to those news.

"… that came out weird," Tony snorts. Natasha nudges him in the side wordlessly.

"He wants to crown you King? Well, that'd be marvelous! You take all his orders back and then it's done and dealt with," Steve grimaces.

"It's surely not that easy," Natasha argues.

"Sadly not," Thor agrees, to which Loki adds, "Odin will hardly give Thor such important power in times when he has to question his loyalty to Asgard. It might be that the Allfather is insane these days, but he is no fool. He would not make such a fatal mistake to work against his own plan."

"Why would he do that, though?" Steve frowns.

"Well, obvious reasons," Loki shrugs.

"… which would be?" Bruce grimaces.

"He seeks to bind me to Asgard and the throne," Thor translates.

"As a last token to make Thor say 'no' to Earth and return to his homeland. By now it's still safe to suspect that he does not yet know about me or the child, so I don't think he does that to keep you away from me, but I think he does so to keep you away from Midgard's business. The moment you are King, you are bound to the throne, as the old rules go. And I don't know if he didn't make some humorous changes to the law while you were here," Loki says, hugging her arms.

"What now? He can't just change the law like that, right?" Natasha makes a face.

"He can. He is the Allfather. An absolute monarch. He does not have to listen to anyone's order," Loki shrugs.

"I thought he held council," Bruce frowns. He can recall that Loki spoke about that couple of times.

"Because he thought it helped him reach better decisions, but by the old constitution, he is the only King. The Father of the All. The Ruler of All. It was actually his former spirit of openness that brought about that change in the politics. He sought council rather than just making the decisions. It was thanks to Odin's politics that a council was brought into existence in the first place," Loki explains.

"You make it sound like you suddenly like this guy, I'm confused," Tony grunts.

"I can very well draw the line between the man I hate and the man who set out very good political decisions for a while… until megalomania got the better of him," Loki argues.

"So, as the absolute monarch, he can change the law as he pleases," Clint summarizes.

"Well, given his words about how he seeks to return to former order, I doubt he'd even attempt to change the very old laws that were the groundwork for Asgard's society and politics. I would suspect that if he were to change any rules, it'd be the ones only recently made. That is also what he is bound to by the old constitutions. He cannot change the old rule, but the present ones made under his reign. Such as the peace negotiations. Well, and of course he might reconsider my banishment, well to my disadvantage," Loki shrugs, sounding almost nonchalantly, though that is obviously a very thin masquerade.

"Yeah, but that's not gonna happen," Tony snorts.

"I do not wish to paint the world in dark colors for that matter, but you can believe me that if Odin set his eyes on that – he will find a way to make it happen," Loki warns them.

"So do we," Steve joins sides with Tony.

"Human wantonness is about just as curious as the megalomania of the Allfather," Loki shakes her head. Humans never cease to amaze her in that regard.

"But is it then really a good idea to have Thor go?" Natasha grimaces. "If chances are that high that it might just as well be some kind of trick?"

"Well, I do not really think that Odin will leave him much of a choice, right?" Clint shrugs.

"My father will most certainly not. It has been this game for a while. I either get to do it by my own free will, or so he claims, or he forces me in the end," Thor agrees.

"Tempting options, really," Tony huffs.

"So, what do we do now?" Steve asks.

"We will do nothing much, other than wish the God of Thunder farewell," Loki says at last, bringing all eyes on her.

"Now what?! Seriously?!" Tony breaks out. Loki shrugs at them.

"You really think I should go?" Thor asks in a softer voice, his eyes still trained on her, seeking reaction, seeking guidance. Why would she say that? She knows what that means!

"For all it's worth, yes," Loki says, gesturing wildly.

"But Loki," Thor means to say.

"Let's look at this rationally. First of all, as Thor rightly pointed out, there is not much arguing with Odin once he sets his eyes upon the target. Secondly, even though we were able to hold up the shadow treaties with most realms, this did not work for all, so Asgard is in dire danger at any given moment, with its Commander in Chief here on Earth. Thirdly, with staying here, Thor has no chance to properly observe the Allfather to perhaps figure out what is behind all this, if it is not more than a fit of megalomania or some evil chant or just some… _Khan worm_ …,"

Tony snickers, though Loki tries to ignore that. Slip of the tongue. She has to stop watching films at Tony's choice, really.

"Fourthly, the closer Thor is to the throne, the more rights will be given to him. If Odin follows through with the plan and crowns him King, then Thor can push the treaties again, and the like," Loki carries on. Thor looks at her sternly.

"Well, that sounds reasonable," Clint shrugs.

"Right," Natasha agrees.

"So I guess you should get the crown, Big Guy," Tony grimaces.

"I do not think it's a good idea, especially considering that…," Thor means to say, but the trickster quickly interrupts him, "Thor, you must go. For everyone's safety, including that of your friends and your family."

She runs a hand over her stomach to stress her point.

"It is the best decision, at least for now. The main problem is that we don't know what exactly Odin does during your absence. You are the only one who can keep harm out of our way if it comes to it. This might be our only chance, Thor," she tells him urgently.

"When do you have to go?" Bruce asks.

"By next day the latest," Thor replies.

"Well, then you should take counsel with your pillow – and decide tomorrow, I'd say," Tony offers.

"That might be for the best," Thor agrees.

"Either way, we will support you," Steve says.

"Right," the others agree.

"I thank you, my friends," Thor nods at them appreciatively.

At least that is the one constant that will not change within this world – they have their support, through thick and thin.

* * *

Later on, the Norse Gods are in their room. Once the door closed, Thor's face darkens considerably. Loki sits on the bed.

"Will you explain it to me now?" he speaks up at last.

"Explain to you what?" she asks.

"You know exactly what the implication of me taking the throne is. Do not sell me for a fool, Loki. Though I often am, I am not that stupid not to see it," Thor grunts angrily. He hates it that even during times such as these, Loki wants to play this kind of game.

"I didn't mean to imply that," she argues, now much more credibly, which forces most of the anger out of Thor's body already.

"Then what was that in the council? Loki, there is no way I climb the throne," Thor argues, drawing closer to her.

"There is, and you should know better than to turn that offer down," the trickster argues.

"But that is not how it should be," Thor insists.

"We knew that this wouldn't ever be perfect, Thor. Maybe that is the best we can get. You have to look at it… _optimistically_. If you manage to take the throne, then perhaps we can find arrangements, arrangements that certainly were not there before," the God of Mischief objects.

"I told you before and I tell you again – I do not seek arrangements to see my beloved ones. I want to have them with me," Thor argues.

"I know," she whispers.

"So how can you say that I should go ahead?" Thor looks at her.

"You have to see the greater good," she sighs, leaning back a little.

"The greater good is in front of me," Thor replies, making her look at him with a gentle blush creeping up her cheeks. It's odd how he can so often end up saying the sweet-bitter all-too-right-all-too-wrong things that make her want to forget the world and its troubles and simply hold on to that man.

"I do not care about the worlds for as long as they mean that I am apart from you for longer than a few weeks' time. Already during these times I was sent off for the duties of messaging it was almost killing me that I couldn't be around you, couldn't be with you," Thor goes on.

"Well, that is what you get when you fall for a criminal to Asgard who is very stubborn on tops," she snickers mischievously.

"I don't want the throne, Loki," Thor says, his chest heaving with sadness. "You know that I actually… want anything but that."

"Yes, I know. And I normally wouldn't ask you for it, selfishly as it may be, but… but yes, the good of the more is now more important, too. If we ensure Asgard's stability, then so do we for the other realms. I do not want to see Odin raging against Earth, just because of his plans or… because of the hatred he bears me," Loki argues.

"Of course. I don't want that either," Thor nods solemnly.

"Well, this might be a good way to prevent that – and ensure Earth's safety," Loki shrugs.

"I cannot leave you," Thor shakes his head.

"You don't want to. You can, but you don't want to. That is a difference, my dear Thor," she scolds him.

"Then so I don't want," Thor grunts.

"Then change your mind," Loki argues. "I don't want to bring up our child, always having to fear Odin's wrath. If you have the throne, then there is no such fear."

"But worlds will keep us apart," Thor insists.

"So they did before and still we managed. Maybe I overcome my utter distaste of Asgard after all, to follow you one day… though that will hardly change anything for now. After all, the rules say that Odin's orders cannot just be undone once you have the throne," Loki huffs.

"And that is why I see even less sense in this. I can't just undo the things he said. Because of that law. How would I change anything for the better, seated upon that bloody throne?" Thor argues. Because that is something he honestly fails to understand.

"You cannot _undo_ the rules he laid out. Just as he can't touch the old laws of his ancestors. But that doesn't mean you are bound to just let it happen. You can make other calls, other rules which work to the effect to nullify his treaties," Loki argues.

"You think he will let that happen?" Thor grimaces, not really convinced.

"He will have to. He did it, too, so he cannot say anything against it that would threaten you in your position. All you have to do, once upon the throne, is to figure out a strategy to move around his rules. And then… there will be the peace treaties you sought, just in a different way… and even my banishment might be… circumvented," Loki tells him. And Thor can't help but muse that Loki is always the one to come up with a kind of strategy, a plan, even during times such as these. Yet… it does not remove the fact that this is… wrong on so many other levels that even such a nice plan won't help fix the situation.

"That is not how it should be," he sighs.

"It's not, but it's actually better than the options we had in front of us until recently. That is at least a scrap of hope," Loki argues, her fingers ghosting over his back to offer a bit of comfort. She knows what it is doing to him to be apart from the child and her. She feels it in every embrace she finds herself in once Thor returns, which becomes tighter each time, more desperate for contact, feels it in the intensity of the welcome-home kiss, in the way his hands move over her stomach to detect the child's movements almost frantically. Thor pains at their absence, at his own absence.

"I don't know," he exhales, trying to ease to her touch, to the tenderness of the gesture.

"Listen to me, Thor. I wish it were all different, I do, but… but our child's safety is more important to me now than ever. I cannot bear the thought that something happens to it. You have to protect it in both our name. And it is seemingly that the only protection you can give it… is by climbing the throne," Loki argues, seeking his eyes as her fingers continue to trail over his back.

"I can't believe it," Thor sighs, running a hand over his face.

"We will find a way, I'm sure. Maybe we will just… need a bit more time. And if you move now, we might just get this time we need to figure out a plan, a plan for our child's safety, and for our love to be protected," Loki tells him. Thor suddenly straightens up a bit again as he adds, "And open."

"What?" she furrows her eyebrows at him.

"I do not want to keep it from the world forever. I am in love with you. There is no doubt. I know that this is still far way, for the priorities are now on the child's safety, but… but I will not give up until I can hold you in my arms for all to display, just as I want to hold my child out for everyone to see as a token of our love," Thor explains, his voice firm and steady.

"Now don't be a bloody romantic," she grumbles. Thor turns to her, his blue eyes flickering like lightning, "That has nothing to do with romantic, Loki. I will not let you or my child live a life in the shadows. I promised you and I promise you again. That also means that the time will come that we will no longer have to hide it."

Loki looks at him sadly.

"I will find a way, for us, into the light," Thor tells her.

"That just sounded like a very odd group suicide note," she huffs. Thor can't help but smirk, "Even if I don't know how yet, I have that goal, and I shall not stop until it's done. The day will come that we will stand in the limelight, with our child, no hoods upon our faces, just us… and happiness."

"Corny," she snickers.

"I love you," Thor keeps going, his voice and his expression absolutely sincere. Loki's grin vanishes, her facial expression softening, "I love you, too."

"So you really think I should go," Thor sighs.

"Yes," she agrees. He takes her hand and guides it to her stomach, "For the both of you, I will do it – and I will find my way back home, to you."

"I know," Loki agrees, pressing his hand. He kisses her forehead, both their hands still resting on her stomach, a promise sealed by touch between the three of them.

* * *

It's odd how love between the two became this constant telling of goodbyes in an open field before light claims Loki's significant other to take him away to the realm she cannot and doesn't want to follow to. Just that now it is ever the bitter as she feels the third heart beating under hers, can feel it moving.

It was decided that Thor shall go back to Asgard, now with the prospect of maybe earning the throne, or at least figure out why Odin would offer him that position in the first place. The Avengers told their goodbyes already and went back to the cars to grant the Norse Gods the much needed privacy for their goodbye. They stand close to each other, the day surprisingly bright for such a sad occasion.

Thor holds on to her stomach lovingly as he speaks, "I promise to be back soon."

"Don't promise what you know you cannot keep," she scolds him with a wink. Yet another curious thing about their goodbyes is that they seem so easy. Both normally smile. Ever since Thor became a wave, crashing back and forth against the shore, against Midgard, their goodbyes have been filled with more smiles than tears.

"I promise you to be back soon. You will hardly realize me gone," Thor tells her.

"You're on oaf," she sighs. Both know that this will hardly be the case.

"I wish I could just stay here with you and our babe," Thor grimaces with a sad expression. That makes his heart clench ever the more. He would rather not miss a single day of the pregnancy. He wants to feel he stomach grow, wants to see it every day when he wakes up.

"But you have to go," Loki tells him again. He bends down, both hands on Loki's stomach, softly caressing it with his huge palms, a big smile on his face. Loki learned by now that touching her pregnant stomach is the one cause for him to smile so brightly, and to actually calm down. Thor still constantly falls asleep next to her as he holds her stomach.

"And you listen to me, child. You have to grow strong while I'm gone, yes? You must, for I am your father and she your mother. It is already in your blood that you will be strong. You must grow a strong warrior and sorcerer, or warrioress and sorceress," Thor smiles.

"Don't pressure it," Loki huffs playfully. It is foolish, but… _nice_. It makes her feel a little more like a normal couple going insane and talking to children who will most certainly not understand the content of what they say.

"You may grow weak also. I will love you no less. Just be healthy, for your own sake," Thor grins.

"That's better," the trickster smirks. The thunderer straightens back up to look at her. He then presses a soft kiss on her forehead, holding her close to him, "And you make sure that you stay healthy, too."

"I'm in the best hands with Bruce as my physician," Loki shrugs.

"Very well, because I could not stand the thought of me away and you sick," Thor shakes his head.

"You know that I'm as strong as an ox when it comes to these things," Loki smiles.

"You used to get sick all the while when still a child," Thor argues.

"But I'm hardly a child anymore. The only children here are that in my tummy... and you," Loki argues with a tug of her lips. He holds her close again, breathing against her scalp, "I will be back."

"If I have this child before you do, then...," Loki means to say, but Thor interrupts her, "I will be back for its birth. Even if I have to tear down the Bifröst with bare hands. I shall be there when it's time."

"Thor...," Loki rolls her eyes.

"Master Stark gave me this," Thor says, holding out a small device. "It works even in Asgard. It's an alarm. I tested it when on my voyages, it works. So once the child comes, I will know. And then I shall leave everything aside and rush to you to hold your hand as we have our child."

"Sometimes I ask myself where you take that much faith from, Thor," Loki shakes her head. He makes it sound so easy, right? Just the way people call the father to let him know his wife is going into labor and he rushes off to the hospital in a mad car chase… at least that is what TV tells her is often the case. Yet, here they are, with entire worlds against them, and Thor still thinks that one magical phone call will speak him free of all duties, of all ties to Asgard, to hold her hand as they have their child. And the curious thing is that whenever she looks in his eyes, Loki dares to hold on to that foolish hope for some reason. There always is a maybe in his eyes, a maybe she would love to get lost in.

There is future in his eyes, and it is far brighter than the one she sees reflected in her emeralds when she looks into the mirror.

He is her chance of a maybe, her chance of a tomorrow, of a life in the light.

Thor cups her chin lovingly, "I take it from you. You give me hope."

"I'm the God of Mischief, I do the opposite," she shakes her head softly.

"Not to me. You give me faith. If you can love me, then I think... I can do anything," Thor tells her with a bright smile, before he leans into another kiss with her.

"Will you miss me?" he asks with a wink once he pulls away, making Loki snort, "It will be a blast without you constantly hovering over me."

He lets out a thunderous laugh. At least she didn't lose her wit.

"But now seriously," Thor smiles. Loki doesn't say anything, though, but simply kisses him back. He grasps her around the head to pull their foreheads against each other. Both close their eyes, for a moment being just them, and no one and nothing else. After a few moments, she breaks free to look at her lover again.

"You should get going," Loki tells him softly.

"I know, but...," Thor sighs.

"We don't want to keep your father waiting, now do we?" Loki scolds him playfully.

"I wouldn't mind," Thor shrugs.

"We talked about this, Thor...," Loki sighs.

"I know, I know. I just don't want to leave you. Or our child," Thor argues credibly.

"But it has to be – and you should hurry now. Don't prolong this moment, would you?" Loki huffs.

"But...," Thor grimaces.

"Thor, my feet hurt from standing that long. Your child weighs a ton already. So now, don't make this more of a teary moment as it is already. Get going!" Loki shakes her head.

"I will be back soon," Thor tells her another time.

"I know, I know. Now go!" Loki rolls her eyes with a smile. She pushes him away affectionately. That is when the Bifröst takes a hold of him. He slips away from her hand as he is swallowed by the Bifröst. She bites her lip as she walks back over to the rest. They quietly get into the cars and head back. Loki suddenly smiles.

"What is it?" Natasha frowns.

"He believes he will come back," Loki shakes her head, her emeralds reflecting the sky.

"Well... we all surely hope so," Natasha frowns.

"He doesn't see it," Loki smiles.

"See what?" Natasha questions.

"That this was very likely the last goodbye," Loki whispers, running a hand over her stomach.

"Oh, Loki...," Natasha sighs sadly, but the trickster shakes her head with a smile, "I am not sad. I am really not. I am glad."

"Why?" Natasha furrows her eyebrows.

"I was once loved by whom I truly love. What more can I wish for?" Loki exhales with a smile.

"For it to continue?" Natasha shrugs.

"That is... a faint hope... wishful thinking, perhaps... but to me... that knowledge is enough. And I am glad he still has hope, for the both of us," she chuckles softly.

"But you don't believe in it?" Natasha questions.

"Let's just say that I'm always rather skeptical," Loki replies. "But that doesn't mean that this has to pull him down, too. I love him. I want him to be happy. If only for a short while. I will not deny him his hopes of managing everything, throne, family, love, Father, Mother. Those hopes make him the good King he will be."

"And what about you and this child?" the other woman argues.

"He will be raised in the knowledge that his father loves him more dearly than anything in the nine realms, no matter what," Loki declares with a swell of pride in her chest.

" _His?_ A boy?" Natasha blinks at her. Loki nods.

"Does Thor know?" the agent questions.

"No," Loki replies, shaking her head.

"Why's that?" Natasha grimaces.

"If I had told him before he went to Asgard, Thor would have let his mind lead astray once again," Loki explains.

"Astray to where?" Natasha questions.

"To where he would accept him as his son, present the babe in the Great Hall of Asgard for all Aesir to see his firstborn son. A girl would have another meaning... for her position is not immediately settled. A firstborn son is much likelier becoming King, a daughter not automatically... And I don't want his vision to be clouded by such dreams and hopes when he has to have his eyes on the dangers surrounding us," Loki explains. She actually considered telling him, but then decided against it. Loki loves this man for the hope in his eyes, but it scares her, too – that he is _too_ hopeful.

Because too hopeful people are those who fall, hard, and deep.

"He will find out eventually," the other woman argues. "You know, once the child is there, there isn't much hiding anymore."

"I will not give birth to our son right now... so Thor will have been seated on this throne once before, and that's all I want. He shall climb the throne with as little judgment ahead of him as is possible. I don't want him to turn the throne down only just for us...," Loki then says, making Natasha blink at her incredulously, "You don't?"

"I love the man, but I have to see that he is more than the man I love. He is also the Prince of Asgard. And I can't just demand whole Asgard to give the man to me at the cost of their Prince," Loki shrugs.

"So you actually suggest the whole 'serving the greater good'?" Natasha grimaces, knowing that Loki was not always the greatest supporter of that notion.

"Indeed. It must sound foolish, I guess, but… a part of me honestly felt proud when Thor declared the news that Odin considers giving him the throne. I see in Thor also the great king he would make. It made my heart sink once I learned how much he was against it, for I know just how much he is made for this position. I would love to see him as the ruler of Asgard," Loki sighs dreamily. She saw it in one of her dreams a little while ago, him with a crown upon his head, holding Mjölnir high in the air as the whole of Asgard cheered him on, as all was fair and prosper. If that is the future, it is a future she can live with.

"I thought for a long time that you found him unfit of that position," Natasha frowns.

"I see things now in a different light, obviously. I now see the man of integrity who has more devotion than all of Asgard's soldiers together. As much as it may hurt my ego to admit, Thor is the king his people will follow. And he is the king they _should_ follow. So if there is a chance that he can claim that position… it's actually… not the almost bad for me. I'm… simply proud of him," Loki smiles.

"But still," Natasha grimaces.

"Well, and I still dare to hold on to that foolish hope he promotes. I think… that there actually is a way for us, for all of us. Just that one part of the path seemingly contains that he climbs the throne," Loki goes on. She runs a hand over her stomach, "I think… we will manage somehow."

"We will surely all work for that to happen," Natasha assures her. Loki looks at her for a moment.

"You are not alone," the redhead tells her. "Never forget that."

"I know," Loki smiles at her appreciatively.

"And... even though I see your skepticism… There is one thing I learned by now: Very often it's the people we expect least from who will astonish us the most. Look at Stark. He's an idiot, still saved the planet couple of times already," Natasha grins.

"Yeah... that might be," Loki agrees, looking out of the window again.

She still dares to hope.

Loki looks up into the sky, finding the same sensation within her as she did when glancing into Thor's eyes.

She finds a scrap of hope in a scrap of clouds.

She gets lost in it.

Maybe there is a maybe.


	39. Nursery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony delivers a surprise for Loki. 
> 
> Thor and Frigga talk. 
> 
> Thor goes over some childhood memories, which reminds him of his own child. 
> 
> Title says a lot, I guess ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! 
> 
> Finally found some time to update again ;)
> 
> I hope you'll like the chapter. 
> 
> Thanks for the comments and for sticking around in general ;)

"Wow, you must be really bored out of your mind if you make water fly through the air," Tony huffs as he enters the kitchen, where Loki sits at the dinner table, absently letting water move around the air like little snakes.

"I'm doing the dishes," she shrugs, pointing at the second trail of water snakes that is actually… _cleaning_. Well, frankly speaking, if not for the work in the lab and the "girl days" Pepper persistently insists on, Loki is bored out of her mind most of the time. Obviously Thor's absence plays a great part in her rather depressed mood, but it is really that she feels like there isn't much that she can do. And if there was something Loki hated already as a child, then it was boredom.

That is one more reason to hate Aesir traditions and ways of spending leisure time, by the way – except for riding horses through wilderness or going on an adventure somewhere else, Loki always hated the arenas, spending days and days jesting and fighting with what was in truth no more than thick broomsticks. Most of the time, Loki simply felt bored out of his little childish mind, and that is when he started to develop the thrill for mischief and mean magic. If only to have said broomstick right in his brother's face for once.

But now… Loki cares about those people, so playing pranks is not really an option anymore. Except for Stark and Fury. Even though Fury less often because the trickster sees that this man really took a huge risk by granting her a space in this world they call their own, in the team he built up… and because that man, regardless of his status as a mortal, has an aura she can't really put her finger on, which is why she believes it's better to treat him with due respect. At least she sees it like that now.

So yes, Loki is bored out of her mind. Boredom seems to dance upon her head.

"That is cool… but still old-fashioned. For that you have all my fancy dishwashing equipment," Tony grins smugly.

"I think it is always advisable not to lose touch to… real work," Loki shrugs, making Tony frown, "Now what?"

"Well, look at the royals, especially of the early days, even from your cultures. They don't have to do anything by themselves. They get the spoon stuffed in their mouths, the bed is made for them, they are dressed, bathed, their life is stipulated, conveniently, I admit, but… I never understood that fancy," Loki grimaces.

"You are a royal yourself, you remember that, right?" Tony frowns, furrowing his eyebrows.

"I _was_. I am now a criminal, let's not forget that," Loki scolds. "And I don't mean to say that it doesn't have its upsides that I, too, made use of. It's nice, it's _really_ … nice. It's just that once I grew older, I felt rather irritated by it as I gave it more and more thought. You know me, I want to do things on my own. So why would I want someone to feed, clothe, and bathe me when I am perfectly capable of doing that myself? To me, it is only a way of slowing down the processes of… development. Of growth."

And the Gods know that she hates it when people mean to tell her that she can't grow, can't change. She did. Loki changed her old ways, too, if only partially. Thor changed his course and back to her.

"You think that makes you stupid?" Tony grimaces.

"Not stupid, just… complacent," Loki shrugs. "I actually tried to take it to heart, you see? On my lonely voyages, I was not always a royal, even when I still was one to the Aesir race by the time. I worked in the fields like any other, earned my money for my food, cleaned the rugs, washed the dishes, folded linen. I found that not only refreshing, but in a strange sense… liberating. For someone who didn't know these things because of the world he was born into… I mean… _brought_ into, in a bundle… I didn't know how to do these things. And you know how much I hate it not to know."

"Yeah, you are a wanna-know-it-all, even more than me," Tony chuckles.

"Besides… I think that water, in that state, has something very beautiful," Loki sighs, her eyes falling back on the stream of water moving up and down through the air. She likes the way light is reflected in it, showing the true colors of light, which are the entire color spectrum. And once it's set into motion, water can tell entire tales as the colored dots of light dance over the walls.

Tony tilts his head at the play of elements, "Yeah, I get what you mean."

For someone who is rather analytic most of her time, Loki is a romantic just as well, or so all had to learn. She enjoys flowers and art, watching stars or sunrise, or making objects fly through the air in wild patterns, as she does right now. And in terms of flirting, Loki is as old-school as Thor. Obviously, it stands to reason… and that's why they two really deserve each other in Tony's opinion.

"So… what brings you here, other than hunger perhaps?" Loki asks, turning her attention back to the mechanic, who rewards her with his typical grin, "I was actually looking for you. And by the way, you really have to stop disguising yourself from the system. Jarvis complains all the time."

It gets really bothersome to search for the trickster all the time. She is the only one who can just take off from the system for some reason – which means that you always have to go looking for her. The way Tony figures, she does it not only to get attention, but because the little Empress really likes to play hide and seek for some reason.

"I do not like it that a computer is supposed to know about my whereabouts, just as I don't fancy being watched. I try to stay under anyone's radar, even yours," Loki shrugs.

It's enough that she is under Odin's watchful eyes at all times. Loki would rather reserve that bit of mystery to herself for as long as she can help it. And as much as she enjoys the technological advantages that come with such machinery, Loki learned to enjoy… human interaction. Instead of being called over some device, she rather has people to talk to face-to-face. And to her, it's still a nice little comfort that people constantly come looking for her, if only to take her to the lab or make her watch a TV show with the rest. It's nice for a change to have people looking not only for you, but after you. She is far too used to simply being watched.

"Though I mean that by no means as an offense against your system," she adds. "Jarvis is perhaps one of your greatest achievements. He has way better manners, for instance."

"Thank you, ma'am," Jarvis' voice rings out.

"That's what I'm talking about," Loki shrugs with a soft smirk tugging at her lips.

"He just has a total crush on you since you updated his system," Tony grunts dismissively.

"A crush?" she furrows her eyebrows at the mechanic.

"I think Jarvis is finally in puberty and tries to make his dad mad at him by searching for new role models," Tony says extra-loudly.

"I wouldn't ever, Sir," Jarvis tells him.

"Right," Tony snorts.

"So… what did you want with me before we discussed Jarvis having a _crush_ on me?" Loki makes a face, bringing Tony's focus back to the trickster, "You are supposed to come with me. I got a little surprise for you."

"If it is about that movie you insist on that I watch, I will not. I told you time and time again. Zombies are hideous. Just as I won't pose as a Yeti to scare the people in New York, for the record," Loki grunts.

"That would be totally hilarious, but no, it's something else, so now, c'mon, Empress," Tony replies, gesturing at her to come along.

"Fine, fine," Loki sighs as she gets up. They start to walk down the corridors.

"So, what is the _oh_ so grand surprise?" Loki asks nonchalantly.

"It wouldn't be a surprise anymore if I told you just now, now would it?" Tony argues.

"Perhaps not," she shrugs.

"So? Is mini-Thor doing fine?" Tony questions casually.

"Seriously? _Mini-Thor_?" the trickster looks at him sternly, so Tony replies, "Since you insist that the kid won't be named after me… yeah."

"Once that child is in the world, you call him so once and I shall chop off your hand," Loki warns him. "Mini-Thor. By the Gods…"

"Why do you always have to be so violent?! I'm just an adorable mechanic…," Tony means to say, but the God of Mischief cuts him off before he can finish, "Who is bothering me out of my mind most of his time."

"You know that you love me. I friggin' saved your life," Tony replies smugly.

"You won't ever let that go, will you?" Loki grunts.

"Not in a lifetime," Tony smiles at her dumbly.

"I thought so," she exhales.

"So you should get used to it," Tony snickers. Loki puckers her lips, choosing not to comment further. She runs her left hand over her pregnant stomach absently. As much as she'd like to deny it, Stark saved her that day, along with everyone else… and that child growing within her everyday a bit more, a bit stronger, a bit more filled with light, or so she hopes.

"So, here we are," Tony declares as they reach a particular door… actually close to her room.

"Oh, yes, beware of that magical door," she huffs.

"Oh, it's a magical door for sure," Tony grins self-consciously.

"Is this a prank?" Loki questions, her mimic blank. "Because if yes, you know that I have no trouble telling Lady Potts. And she will do bad things to you if you play pranks on a pregnant woman."

"That's really low," Tony makes a face. Pepper turned out to be extremely protective of Loki ever since it was revealed that she is pregnant. Whenever she manages to come by, after all, that woman is always busy, Pepper always asks Loki if Tony was mean to her in some way. The God of Mischief was very irritated at first, but then… Obviously, the trickster had no better to do than answer 'yes' the first time, so that Tony got the Earth Mother of lectures from Pepper.

Loki shrugs at him with a mischievous grin, "What? I can't help it that you misbehave."

"I don't misbehave. You just constantly tell Pepper that I do stuff to you," Tony pouts. "And anyways, 'misbehave' sounds weird when you say it."

"So is it a prank, yes or no?" she sighs. "My feet hurt from standing, so let's just get over with it."

"No prank, Scout's honor," Tony says, gesticulating.

"I know that you never were a scout. I looked that up," Loki huffs. "But fine."

"So now. Close your eyes," Tony smirks.

"You are sincere?" Loki looks at him sternly.

"Hey, if you stumble, be sure I'll catch you," Tony assures her.

"Right, if you let me fall down by any chance, I will make it my personal obligation to make your life living Hel," Loki snarls.

"Noted, so now, close your eyes and forward you go," Tony gestures at the trickster, who lets out another sigh, "And if you let me walk against the closed door, my punishment will be even worse, for the record."

"Again, noted," Tony rolls his eyes. Loki exhales as she closes her eyes and allows Tony to lead her inside.

"Alright, so now… open your eyes, coz it's a surprise," Tony declares dramatically.

"Bad rhyming at its finest," Loki snorts as she pries her eyes open, to see a room she cannot remember ever setting a foot inside.

"A, a nursery?" she gapes.

"Not just _a_ nursery, _the_ nursery of all nurseries ever built. We got the finest baby equipment money can buy, interior design that is totally up-to-date, so many toys that the kid will drown in them, even though everything is so childproof and safe that even I had some figuring out to do how that actually works. You'll have fun with the toilet seats, trust me," Tony huffs. Loki stares at the room with wide eyes, " _You_ had the idea?"

"Well, I had the idea, but Pepper did most of the picking out and putting together. She has a better sense for this, but the idea, as awesome as it is, comes from the house-own genius who also happens to be the Iron Man," Tony grins smugly. "Oh, and we were really amazing at distracting you so that you wouldn't realize the craftsmen in here."

"Everyone else knew?" she looks around.

"Yeah, we are that amazing," Tony chuckles.

The trickster looks around, her emerald eyes shining. The room is spacious. The walls are painted mint green, probably in reminiscence of her favorite colors. There are cupboards full of toys, stuffed animals and children's books. In the center of the room is a crib made out of wood, which is colored white, a crib mobile turning slowly, the figures actually resembling the Avengers, Coulson, Fury, and Pepper.

"So now… go ahead," Tony says in a calm voice, hugging his chest.

"With, with what?" Loki looks at him, confused.

"You ranting about everything that is wrong here. I meant to show you this ahead of time so that we can do the last fixes before Mini-Thor decides to crawl out of you," Tony shrugs. "So? What is there to complain about?"

"Nothing," she blurts out.

"What?!" Tony can't help but shriek. Loki _always_ argues, about _anything_. She even argues about what seat to take if she feels like it. The heck, she even insisted to have Fury's seat a while back, taking full advantage of her pregnancy-bonus to get her will. And God knows that Fury normally gives a damn – but the trickster convinces even the badass-agent Nick Fury. But now… _nothing_?!

"Nothing," Loki breathes. "Nothing should be changed about it. It's… perfect."

"Wow, that I witness the day that little Empress is simply satisfied with something without criticizing it… I am speechless," Tony grimaces, still wide-eyed.

" _I_ am," Loki insists. "I… thank you."

Tony looks at her, a little irritated. He expected something entirely else for a reaction, to be honest.

"You are very welcome," he smiles at her.

"I never had this," Loki says, still looking around.

"A nursery?" Tony asks quietly. Loki nods faintly, walking around cautiously, as though she was afraid of bursting that bubble in front of her eyes. "Well, I had one when I was a child, obviously, stuffed with all of Asgard's gold and glory, but I never had one for my own children… There was no point."

They were taken away before there ever would have been a chance to put them in a nursery, let alone have one arranged for them. They had to grow up too fast.

Tony looks at her sadly, "I actually meant it to cheer you up, not bring about… bad memories."

"Oh, you didn't, you _really_ didn't. It's… I am glad," Loki assures him quickly.

Perhaps a wink of fate.

A good omen for once.

A room for that child.

A room where it can be.

Grow up.

Play.

Laugh.

"And you're not just saying that to make me feel better?" Tony narrows his eyes at her.

"No," she insists honestly, allowing her soft side to show. This is a gesture no one has ever done for her. Ever.

"So, success?" Tony asks cautiously.

"Most definitely yes," she replies.

Loki turns back around to take her stance in front of the mechanic. Tony frowns at her, but that when she presses a kiss to his cheek, "I thank you, my friend."

Tony's grin extends slowly, but… widely, "I got a kiss by the Empress, ha!"

Loki then motions past him without another word.

"Hey, where are you going?!" Tony cries out.

"Searching for Lady Potts. I owe her my gratitude the same way, don't I?" Loki calls over her shoulder. "And of course the others, let's not forget."

"We were just having a moment. You don't just destroy a moment, Empress!" Tony pouts, gesticulating wildly.

"You can either come along or find some kid's toys to play with. That is up to you to decide," Loki shrugs.

"Ugh, how can you go from overly sweet to annoying in three seconds?!" Tony rants.

"I don't know. You tell me, how do _you_ do it?" she retorts playfully. The mechanic trots along then anyways, "But it was my idea."

"Noted," she grins.

* * *

Thor walks around the hallways of Asgard's palace, finding his mind drifting back to emerald eyes shimmering through curtains of thick black and the touch of a growing womb containing life. Odin did not say much to him upon his return, other than a sincere wish to have Thor here for now – in preparations for him taking the throne. Though Thor approaches now every so such statement with more caution than he maybe would have a few years back, he has honestly no clue yet how to treat this issue. The God of Thunder doesn't understand why his father would mean to give him the throne when he knows that his son is seeking different politics, opening instead of closing the gates.

Thor looks around as he catches sight of something familiar, something that makes him smile regardless of all the troubles pressing down on his scalp. He strides over to the door and opens it slowly, frowning upon the realization that the door is already opened ajar and candlelight illuminates the room in a warm shade of yellow and gold. However, his attention is soon drawn to something even more familiar than the portal. He walks over to the shelves, smiling at the objects neatly lined up upon them. Thor picks up one of his former favorite toys, a thick wooden sword, but no longer than his forearm's length – his weapon of choice when still too small for real jesting. The God of Thunder smiles as he puts it back in place to pick up another thing that catches his interest – a small transparent globe. Because of Loki's apparent talent for magic, which started to bloom already at an early age, he could change the inside color and even create small images within this orb. Created tiny worlds. Tiny cosmoses with a million little things in it, or even more. Thor smiles, twisting the globe in his palm.

It seemed so easy back then.

Creating a space of their own.

Sitting on the bed, Thor tossing it up and down as Loki created everything from volcano lands to snow fields in that small globe, as both invented stories about those places, how they had come into existence, what people lived in it, what rites they had, what songs they sung.

In all that childish foolishness, they created places, if only inside their heads. And by the Gods, was that simplicity a miracle of its own.

How much Thor wished they could return to that state, of traveling, if only to imaginary worlds reflected in a glass globe that doesn't break.

"Thor?"

The thunderer turns around abruptly, almost letting the globe of glass fall to the ground to see Frigga coming from the wardrobe right next to the main room of the nursery.

"Mother, you gave me a scare," he exclaims, a soft smile flashing over his lips.

"I gave you a scare? _You_ roamed around wordlessly," she scolds him playfully.

"True again," Thor smirks. "What brings you here, though?"

"Melancholy and the need for some nostalgia," Frigga sighs. Thor realizes only now that she holds one of Loki's coats in hand, one that he favored for a long while, so he knows.

"And you? What brings you to a nursery of all places?" she asks with a soft smile tugging at her lips.

"Perhaps the same. I don't know. I haven't been here in felt eternities," Thor lies swiftly enough for his mother not to poke further now. To tell the truth, it's the prospect of his child that made him eye that door curiously over the last few days he is now back in Asgard.

Both a portal into the past – and the future.

Hopefully.

"I tried to bypass these chambers for a while, to speak to you in all earnest. It is painful a reminder at times," Frigga sighs.

"You miss Loki dearly," Thor nods solemnly.

"Of course. That is nothing new to either one of us, or is it?" Frigga snorts.

"Not really," Thor shakes his head.

"Am I right to believe that I am not the only one, at this very moment?" his mother questions in a soft voice.

"What do you mean to say?" Thor grimaces.

"Well, besides your obvious displeasure about being called back to Asgard when you seek to pay your duties to Midgard as its keeper, I see when my son is in a foul mood," Frigga scolds.

"I'm not in a foul mood," Thor insists with a chuckle. Frigga looks at him, so he adds, "Well not foul, just… not in a good mood, then."

"… perhaps," Thor admits with a shrug.

"So you miss him?" she asks. Thor takes a moment before he answers truthfully, "… Yes, of course."

He misses her more than words can say, more than the words he would even like to say, if he only could. Thor would like to tell his mother about the great news to have her smile again for once, but the God of Thunder knows that this is something he cannot, must not.

They have to contain their future, very carefully.

He has to guard it.

Frigga starts to wander about the room, eventually taking her stance in front of the rocking chair where she used to sit in to tell them stories or watched on as the two played around.

"I always hoped that the day would come that your and his children would play together in the same halls, you know?" she sighs, not looking at Thor, though. "Chasing a ball, screaming, jesting… laughing."

"Really?" he frowns.

"It was not _my_ wish that your Father did to my grandchildren what was done to them eventually," Frigga hisses, making her discontent no secret.

"I know that," he agrees solemnly. Even when all of Asgard was sure about how to treat Loki's 'beast-children', Frigga was the only one who spoke in the trickster's name, in the name of the children, and told Odin not to do it, but… well, the Allfather had spoken by that time, and there was nothing she could do anymore, other than, all in secret, give those children their blessing and an unspoken but honest apology.

"My hope was and is that your Father will come to his senses about the blood and how little importance it actually has. Perhaps it was too wishful thinking or too much thinking and wishing over actual acting upon my behalf, should I rather say, but I always bore the wish that your father, once you were seated upon the throne, would see fortune within the realm of the family, without it being tied to blood. I hoped that he'd bring the children back, and to yours," Frigga admits.

"Well, frankly, those children are long since too old to be put in a nursery," Thor exhales.

"Truly, a wasted chance, but I still have hope that you will give me a grandchild to read stories to and put into those tiny clothes," she then says in a lighter mood.

"Why is it that parents first of all don't want to hear about such activity at all and then demand an heir a while later?" Thor can't help but ask.

"At first it is to protect one's own child from stupidity. Later on, one sees how empty the house becomes and misses childish laughter, small footsteps… You will be just the same once you have children, believe me. We are not the only ones. It seems to be something quite natural to all parents that I know," Frigga tells him.

"I shall remember that," he agrees with a smile.

"You should, perhaps that makes it easier for you to act less like a fool once it's time," his mother smiles.

"I will most certainly try," Thor grins.

"Will you tell me now in earnest what makes your heart sink so low that your voice goes with it?" Frigga asks in a casual tone, though her eyes are poking right through the God of Thunder. Even though she and Loki are not related by blood, Thor can't help but wonder at those moments how it can seem that Loki inherited their Mother's eyes.

"Mother, I told you already, I am fine, I am simply in not so much a good mood after Father practically dragged me back to Asgard at an instant," Thor assures her quickly.

"You should not lie to your Mother," she hisses.

"I would never," he insists.

"I love you, my son, but of the two, Loki always was the better liar," Frigga chuckles, but then turns serious again. "What is the matter with you?"

"Mother," Thor sighs.

"You don't see your friends, other than for what is required, you wander about the hallways, the nursery and the libraries. You barely speak to anyone at all, and if you do, the best you manage is a crooked smile. And when I look into your eyes, I see that they are focused on something entirely else. Something is clearly bothering you," she insists.

"Mother, that is nothing we should discuss… openly. It is not the time either," he tells her.

"Your Father will hardly overhear our conversation just now," Frigga huffs.

"But he might," he warns her.

"You are paranoid, Thor, this is still your father," Frigga insists.

"He is, but… I know when I am being watched, so I would rather not discuss such private matter when I haven't figured it out myself yet. But I assure you that I am fine," he tells her.

"That is a sentence I heard from both your and your brother way too often. I don't know how many times Loki said it even before it all went down by the Bifröst, 'I am fine, Mother,' 'There is nothing to worry about, Mother,' 'We will talk about it another time, I assure you, Mother,' 'It's nothing'," she grits her teeth. "Because it is something. It always was."

"I am just not yet ready to talk about it," Thor shrugs weakly.

"At some point I honestly start to understand why Loki meant to get away from all this. I never felt those walls so close to my heart as I do at this very instance," Frigga shakes her head.

"I am sorry that you feel that way," Thor mutters. He wished he could offer her the relief he knows would lie in the simple admission of the fortune currently back in Midgard, where his eyes drift most of the time.

"It is not your fault, and it is not even directed against you, my dear son. It is your father I should speak those words to… though I did already. He is the one who builds a cage within a cage," Frigga exhales.

"I know," Thor agrees.

"So you will not say?" she looks at him, suddenly looking very tired.

"The time will come," he assures her.

"Do you promise me that?" Frigga asks, looking him deep in the eye.

"Yes," Thor replies.

"Once it's time," she nods.

"Once it's time," he agrees.

"Children away, children keeping secrets, and husbands going insane… that is not how I pictured my last days as a Queen," Frigga huffs.

"What? You will be Queen for as long as you live, Mother," Thor argues.

"Now don't be foolish, Thor. You and I both know that the moment Odin gives the throne to you, I am no longer the Queen, but it will be whoever you choose to be your personal Queen," Frigga replies, making Thor grimaces, "Right."

Just that _his_ Queen is back in Midgard, bearing his Prince.

There is a longer pause, but it is Frigga who speaks up first, "It's as though it was only yesterday that I sat in that chair and read stories to you."

"I remember that, too," Thor smiles, his voice soft.

"Oh, you should better. No less do I expect from you when it comes to your own children," Frigga grins. "Loki always insisted to sit in that one particular spot. To the day I ask myself what must have gone through his curious mind to ponder on it so persistently. Perhaps it was just a fit of stubbornness he well learned from your Father and you… and me, but I don't know."

"I know by now," Thor grins.

"What?" she turns to him.

"It's the perfect spot to glance out of the window and into the nightsky while also looking at you, sitting in that chair," Thor shrugs. Frigga turns her head, tilting a little down, and in fact one can see the stretch of sky from this spot that would not be visible from any other position. She smiles, "So that's it."

"That's it," the thunderer chuckles softly. Loki always had the head in the clouds, in the sky. And the sky is in her head, endless, deep, and for many parts unknown land.

"How did you know?" Frigga asks. "Did he tell you?"

"No," Thor shakes his head.

"Then how?" his mother asks curiously.

"I learned by now to… observe… see," Thor explains. It's something he learned from Loki, or rather, from interacting with her. Loki opened his eyes, made him open his eyes, so that he could see the whole of her. She is a mystery worth any exploration, but for that you have to open your eyes wide and take that bit of time to perceive the whole picture.

"It is a skill and fortune at the same time," Frigga agrees with a smile tugging at her lips.

"I hope that Father will regain that skill soon again," Thor exhales.

"So do I," Frigga sighs. There is a longer pause until she straightens up and makes her way to the door, "Well. I shall leave you to some time travel to the former days."

"I did not mean to disturb you," Thor argues quickly.

"You did not. You cheered me up. Now I am ready to go back to the now and here. So I shall leave you to your bit of lingering in the past. I shall see you at dinner," Frigga smiles at him.

"Of course," Thor nods.

"Enjoy your little stay in the past a bit longer," she says, winking at him as she crosses over to the door. "Memories are nice."

With that Frigga disappears, leaving Thor standing near the stool with a frown that soon morphs into a smile.

He would really like to tell his mother about Loki's and his fortune, about the fact that he came into that room not only to marvel over the former days, but actually to marvel for the days to come, for when he will have a child of his own to read to, to put in a nursery such as this.

He would love to share that bit of future with her.

However, he has to protect that future with all he has. It has to stay hidden until it's time.

For now… all he can do is linger in the past a while longer, hoping that it will morph into their future nevertheless.


	40. Clarity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are "on the move". 
> 
> Trouble. 
> 
> Lots of that. 
> 
> I won't spoiler here, that'd take the surprise away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Sorry that I've been a bit lazy with updating. 
> 
> Thanks for reading, kudoing and commenting!!!
> 
> *mini-spoiler* (don't like, don't read): The account on Norse mythology is just internet-based and of course changed for my purposes insofar I take the freedom to actually change the item in question.
> 
> I hope you'll enjoy your stay through this chapter, too.
> 
> I hope you'll enjoy ;)

Steve makes his way down the corridors of the mansion to come to stand in front of Loki's room. He normally knows better than to interrupt the God of Mischief if she withdraws to her own place, but Fury wanted to see her about a problem that he hoped she could help solve. However, the trickster didn't return any of the messages – and Loki still insists to disappear from Jarvis's radar, which means that they often have to go looking for the goddess if they want to have counsel with her. Well, and Steve ended up with the task today to gather her.

He should have taken the other straw, darn.

Not that Steve is afraid of Loki or doesn't like being around her, but all know by now that if she keeps away, the trickster does so for a reason. Actually, once you arranged yourself with Loki's habits, it's pretty easy to live with her in peace.

And who would have guessed after all that's happened until they were saved by a hooded warrior from a guy whose head looks like an egg?

The blond man makes his way inside because the door is apparently unlocked, which only adds to his confusion. Normally, if Loki has one of her moods, she shuts all doors and only comes back out once she is… done… with that mood. Because honestly? No one knows what she is up to during times such as these.

"Loki? Hello?" Steve asks cautiously. He walks further into the room, frowning. "Loki? We didn't see you all day long and we are kinda worried, so… could you give any sign that you are alive?"

"I am," comes her voice from somewhere.

"Okay… where are you?" Steve asks.

"In the bathroom," Loki replies, her voice sounding rather strained.

"Oh, I'm sorry, but… ugh. Well… I come here in Fury's name. We wanted to discuss something in the plenum and he asked if you could join to offer a new perspective perhaps…," Steve explains. "So if you find the time, it'd be great if you could drop by, you know?"

"I fear that I won't be able to attend that meeting," Loki replies.

"Why? Is something wrong? Are you sick?" Steve asks worriedly.

"No," Loki grunts.

"Then what is the matter?" he questions. "You know, if you are sad or something, ugh… you can always talk to us. We are there for you and…"

Suddenly there is a growl audible, making Steve jump, "Loki?!"

"I can't come because I'm about to give birth to this child, as it appears," Loki hisses, and you can hear her gritting her teeth all the way up to where he is standing. "And that even though the schedule says otherwise."

"Oh, that's… that's, ugh…," Steve gapes, his mind still trying to catch up to the apparent news.

"I hoped that I was simply experiencing… premature labor… so I tried some breathing techniques… but… that child means to come out now," Loki snorts. She knows some breathing techniques that can delay 'the moment of truth', but… this child means to come. Right now. _Ugh_. Bad timing already seems to run in the family… if there is a family at all, that is.

"Okay, uhm, so you just gotta…," Steve tries to soothe her, but the trickster interrupts him before he gets to it, "You may want to get Doctor Banner for me now."

"Yes, yes! I will be… I'm on my way," Steve runs off in a hurry. Loki sighs as she comes to stand in front of the mirror, clutching at her stomach, "You truly are as stubborn as your father, and seemingly just as rash. It's not time yet, my child."

It's not that it's way too early to mean danger to the child's health, but she had a strange dream not long ago – and it foreshadowed such a happening as something very dark. Very bad. An immense pain that roused her from her sleep, to bring her back to reality panting for air, cold fear clutching at her chest.

Loki looks up to the ceiling, "It's not time yet, but I still dare to hope that you will live up to your promise, so don't you deceive my hopes, God of Thunder."

She lets out a guttural cry as the next contraction hits her, "You owe me for this, big time, you dull oaf."

* * *

"You wished to see me, Father?" Thor says as he enters the Great Hall, finding Odin seated upon the throne, Frigga standing not far from him. The God of Thunder has the feeling that something bad is in its wake, but he has no clue what Odin has in mind now. He just hopes that he is plainly wrong.

"Indeed," Odin says as Thor motions closer.

"So? What is the matter?" the thunderer questions.

"Well, I do not think that I have to tell you about the current politics of closing the gates to the other realms to ensure Asgard's safety," Odin begins.

"Of course not," Thor grits his teeth. This exclusion is part of the problem. If not the entire problem.

"It is decided that the exclusion shall be completed now," Odin goes on. Thor grits his teeth. That had to come.

"And if you abide the rules, you shall be made King once this is over," Odin tells him. "Then you shall rule Asgard as your heart commands it."

"I told you time and time again that I do not seek the throne at the cost of my friends in Midgard. Midgard is at peace with us. There is no reason to cut down contact to it," Thor argues. "Or any other realms we already established ceasefire if not peace with."

"There is, oh there is, believe me that," Odin shakes his head.

"This is madness!" Thor growls, but Odin is not in the least wavered by this, but instead goes on in a dramatic voice, "Furthermore, to ensure Asgard's peace, we have to finish open business before the gates are finally closed. One of them is apparently your stepbrother's future."

"What does that mean, Odin?" Frigga looks at him with wide eyes.

"With the message that was delivered to Jotunheimr not long ago came a request by me as to how to treat one of their traitors also," Odin goes on, still not wavered only in the slightest.

"You mean that," Frigga looks at him dumbstruck.

"Yes, Loki's brother Helblindi, the current leader of this realm, has keen interest to put the trickster's case to trial. Loki is from this realm, and having him in Midgard only endangers its people. I see that now. In exchange for the prisoner, they will grant us and Midgard peace. And that means that you are no longer needed as Midgard's keeper either, but as the King of Asgard alone," Odin declares, making Thor and Frigga stare at him in sheer shock.

"You make my son the price of some nonsense peace treaty?! Are you out of your mind?!" Frigga cries out.

"He is not your son," Odin snarls.

"Oh, he is, and I am his mother!" Frigga grits her teeth. "Nothing will ever change about that."

"It was my foolish thinking to have him exiled to Midgard, instead of giving him back to his kind. I have to admit that," Odin shakes his head. "Back when I took him with me from Jotunheimr as an infant, I thought he would help overcome the rift that existed between the realms, but in fact things only got worse as a result. However, if Loki returns to his realm, then this rift will be at a manageable level again."

"It was not Loki who created the rift among the realms, but our politics and way of treatment of each other. The only thing one could blame Loki for is that he already opened the gates we tried to keep shut long before we ever considered the mere possibility of opening them again. That this escalated was because we could not properly handle it, me included foremost," Thor argues vehemently. Is that really happening right now? Till last Thor thought that Odin was merely concerned with Asgard's politics and a private feeling of hatred for Loki's scheme. Not in his wildest nightmares did Thor believe that his father would go _that_ far. He thought that this was a boundary even he wouldn't cross.

"And perhaps you are right. We are not ready. And I think we won't ever be," Odin shakes his head.

"I am," Thor declares, his voice booming with resolution. He is ready, he was long since.

"Loki will be left in the hands of the Jotuns – and they will decide on proper punishment for the crimes committed to them. You could say that the trickster paid his duties to Midgard and Asgard by serving his prison sentence in banishment – and doing redemption on Midgard, as far as you told me. Now it's time he answers the call from Jotunheimr, of his home, while we shall answer the calls of our home," Odin goes on.

"They will kill him," Frigga argues vehemently. "They will have Loki executed. The Jotuns will show no mercy after he killed Laufey."

"That is not out yet – and it is not up to us to say. I see that now. We had actually… no right to judge over Loki's fate. He killed their King," Odin replies. "That is a crime he has to yet redeem himself for, in the fashion the _Jotuns_ find appropriate."

"You can't do that. Loki is one of us, grew up here, lived here," Thor insists. That man used to be his father, bore him paternal affection. And all that is dead now? How can it be dead? How can such an eternal flame die?

"But he is and will always be… not of our blood," Odin sighs.

"You are out of your mind," Frigga stares at him.

"I couldn't be any clearer. If he were one of our blood… it'd be different, already by the old laws. For as long as he has no ties to this realm that are by blood, there is nothing I can do, even if I wanted to," Odin shrugs.

"Lies!" Thor yells. Odin took Loki in before, and back then blood played no role whatsoever. Where does this obsession with the blood come from? Odin never was… or was he? Why is blood suddenly so important that it once again stands between Thor's and Loki's bit of happiness?

"I have already made arrangements to have Loki moved to Jotunheimr," Odin then says.

"That's why you called me back," Thor gapes. He suspected a trap, but not that Odin would call him back just so that he could keep Thor from intercepting this madness. If at all, he suspected that Odin would do anything to prevent him from going back to Midgard.

"I called you back to prepare you for your duties of the throne," Odin insists.

"Lies! All of it! And you know it!" Thor growls.

"It does not matter. This is long since decided on," Odin tells him calmly.

"It is not," Thor snarls.

"It actually was decided the day Loki was born. Because that tied him to his blood, his kin. You always say I aim for exclusion, Thor, but I aim towards coming home," Odin argues. "For the both of you."

"Home is not Jotunheimr for Loki! Loki grew up here, lived here! And in Midgard! _That's_ home! Not the land of the Jotuns! Loki has barely been there! His own caste cast him out! On cold stone! How can you say that this is home in any possible way?!" Thor breaks out.

"It does not matter. Those are some of the last orders I give as the Allfather. After that, the throne shall be yours, but for Asgard and Asgard alone. We close the gates and make sure nothing comes inside anymore," Odin declares, still not wavered, not moved, static, sitting in that chair that seems to devour him completely. "That is my last word."

"Odin! No, you cannot do that," Frigga shakes her head.

"It's all done. It's over," Odin shrugs.

"It's not," Thor tells him, making the King look at him. Thor has no other chance but this. This is the last resort. He has to make Odin change his mind. He has to. And his determination only finds confirmation as he feels the alarm going off that he waited for all this time.

It's time.

It's time for truth.

He has to force this man's eyes open again.

"It is," the Allfather insists.

"No, Loki _is_ tied to Asgard – by blood," Thor declares.

"Now don't be ridiculous. I know who his parents are. That blood does not have ties to Asgard," Odin replies sternly.

"But mine has," Thor looks at him with determination sparking out of his blue eyes.

"What?" Odin frowns.

"You heard me. She and I are together," Thor goes on.

" _She_?" Frigga grimaces.

"Yes. She," Thor agrees, but then turns back to Odin. "Like it was that night, as you can probably remember, Father, can't you? After which Loki _mysteriously_ disappeared, though seemingly just to a place within the palace no one knew about."

"What does that mean, Odin?" Frigga demands. But the Allfather just stares at the God of Thunder with wide eyes.

"Odin, what does he mean?" she asks again, more forcefully this time.

"Already back then he imprisoned Loki, in this palace, while claiming that he ran off to escape punishment. To keep us two apart," Thor snarls. "He was afraid of our love, already back then."

"You… you held Loki captive? Behind my back?" Frigga gapes at the Allfather.

"It was none of your concerns," Odin hisses.

"Oh, I think it is of my concern if you decide to imprison one of my children," Frigga growls.

"You couldn't stand it that we wanted to be together, so you tried to stop us, but, Father, I tell you what? You may have prevented us from such action for a while, but in the end… you didn't manage," Thor tells him. "You didn't cut the ties we established. You didn't break that bond. If anything, you helped make it stronger."

"By the Gods…," Odin mutters, eyes wide in shock.

"The Gods had no say, and they still don't. We are together, no matter if the Gods approve… or not. We linked souls," Thor declares with a swell of pride in his chest.

"You mean… did Loki…," Frigga looks at Thor in shock. The thunderer nods slowly, approving her suspicion, "She cast this forbidden spell to save me from sure death, yes."

Frigga just looks at him in shock. Her son almost died. And her other son… or is it daughter now? Loki saved Thor at the cost of her own life. Casting the spell no sorcerer should ever cast. How did all that happen behind her back? How did she not know? How did she not see? Is she just as blind as her husband?

"And so much as to how Loki is a threat to Asgard – if not for her, I'd be dead by now, and you wouldn't have me as a successor anymore. She brought me back from the very edge of life and death, at the risk of her own life. She preserved the throne, and that without your notice," Thor snarls. In a strange kind of way, Loki actually grew to be not only Midgard's but also Asgard's keeper, while in the shadows however. She saved Thor, from sure death, and by granting him her love.

"Thor," Odin tries to interrupt him, but the thunderer does not care, "She is my soulmate – and bearing my child. That means, yes, Loki is tied to this our realm, to us, to me, because her blood and mine run together in that child. She belongs with me, and so she does with Asgard. And there is nothing you can change about that anymore."

The last chance.

The last token.

"Odin, please, listen to him," Frigga begs her husband, realizing the cold tremble of anger rising within him.

"You know that you committed crime to Asgard, don't you?" Odin looks at Thor.

"Odin!" his wife shrieks, but he doesn't listen, "Don't you?"

"Perhaps rules have to be broken again, to bring about change," Thor huffs.

"You lay with a criminal, banished – and even produced an offspring! You stained the throne, you…," Odin growls, but Frigga interrupts him harshly, "Odin! Stop it! Are you out of your mind?!"

"You tried to separate us before, but… we still found our way," Thor narrows his eyes at him.

"And so I find mine," Odin declares. Suddenly the portals rattle.

"You did not," Thor snarls.

"I did," Odin retorts.

"You cannot stop this from happening. This child is coming into the world as we speak," Thor says.

"She's…," Frigga looks at him.

"In labor as we speak, yes. So please, let me go. Father, let me. Stop this madness. You don't want harm done to your own grandchild," Thor looks at the Allfather, hoping that this will do the trick, will open his eyes again.

"The warriors already moved out to gather Loki to bring the trickster to Jotunheimr," Odin declares icily. "And I will not call them back."

"She is in labor. Do you seriously want to rip her over to Jotunheimr as she is giving birth?!" Frigga shrieks, not believing it. The man she loves, the man who always made her smile, who always made her proud, became the villain in this mad game? How? Why?

"The soldiers will handle it," Odin replies coolly. Frigga grasps his hand, getting into eye contact with him, "Odin, listen to me. You will not do that. You will stop. That is the line you mustn't cross."

"Silence," Odin hisses, but Frigga only holds on tighter, both with her wrist and her eyes, "No, no more silence! I swallowed most of my comments, I swallowed my own voice because I thought that you'd overcome your madness, because I believed in you and your kind heart, but if you do Loki or that child any harm, then yes, we return to the old rules, but I will kick you right back into the past to witness their wake!"

"I have spoken," Odin declares. "And my word is rule."

"You will not hold me," Thor argues.

"I did and I will continue to, for as long as it takes," Odin retorts. Thor starts to run towards the door. He has to get out of here. He has to stop this. He has to get to Loki. To his child. He has to catch up to the future. Now or never.

"It is locked, and you won't be able to open those doors until I give them free again. Not even Mjölnir can break them," Odin warns him, but Thor carries on towards the door. In the same movement he takes something out of his cloak, which turns out to be one of the cubes. He tosses it ahead of him, a hasty smile tugging at his lips, remembering how Loki insisted that he took some of the cubes along with him to spread in Asgard to allow him to escape if needed. Thor spread out the bases to allow travel since he came back to Asgard, in secret of course. And by the Gods, is he glad that they planned so. He really starts to understand why Loki insists on plans so much. They mean security.

A way of escape.

Of home.

He can hear the familiar sound of his father's spear being taken up. Thor already intends to turn around and dodge whatever the Allfather may want to fire his way, but the beam of light hits to his left, missing Thor. The God of Thunder glances over his shoulder to see Frigga, who used her magic to send the Allfather's arm the other way.

"Save them, my son!" Frigga cries out. Thor allows the white light to swallow him.

"How dare you…," Odin growls, but Frigga interrupts him harshly, "How dare _you_?!"

"He will not succeed," the King warns her.

"We shall see about that," Frigga hisses. "And believe me, you should hope that he succeeds, for his loss will be your loss the same way."

She looks at him more sternly, "And if you ever dare shoot at your own son again, then…"

"It is not up to you to say," Odin intercepts. "I do this for his own good. For that of Asgard."

"As I said, hope that he succeeds, or tears will stain your eyes sooner than you think," Frigga warns him, simply hoping that even the Father of All can be proven wrong. That he will not succeed with his plan, but will only succeed in losing this battle, to win that of his own humanity.

* * *

Bruce and Loki are now in the specially prepared sickbay for her (upon Tony's insistence, which was very, very irritating, though Loki sees the necessity now).

"Okay, Loki? You know that you'll have to guide me through that, so… ugh, what do you want me to do?" Bruce grimaces nervously, observing the screens to check her vitals. He is familiar with human physiology, but Loki's is still a mystery to him most of the time. He knows by now where to draw blood or what her usual heartbeat rate is, but… well, the mystery and miracle of birth is not part of his field of expertise, and the way he figures, neither is it that of any physician on this very planet. So… he will have to do for now, if only to coach her through the contractions shaking her body.

"Right now, you don't have to do anything," she grunts, closing her eyes against the pain.

"Can we give you any medication?" he asks.

"It would have no effect, very likely. I'm mostly immune, as you might remember," Loki says, licking her lips. "And I wouldn't want it either."

"Why?" the doctor grimaces. He gets it that she is immune, but why would she refuse if it had any soothing effect if she had the chance to?

"I have my reasons, argh!" she grits her teeth. Pain clears one's mind by clouding it. And she needs clarity. Clarity to keep the child safe. No clouds must obscure her vision.

"Loki…," Bruce means to say, but that is when suddenly the beepers start to make noises.

"Well, that's probably Thor," he offers hopefully. Bruce knows that the only one Loki really wants and needs right now is the God of Thunder.

"Let's hope so for him, or else I will kick his arse all the way to Valhalla," Loki snarls. Bruce picks up the beeper to have a quick glance at it, "Oh, he even transports to here directly."

"That's uncommon. He knows that he is not supposed to," Loki looks at him, suddenly feeling cold running up and down her spine again. That is not good. Not good at all. In her dream, it was similar, though it was not Thor or her or anyone else, no persons, no fixed bodies, just the obscure feelings of something going wrong, that something is corrupted to the core, all the way up to the point that she could smell sweet decay lingering in the air.

"Well, I bet he just can't wait to get to you, and thus forgot about the rules," Bruce tries to assure her, but Loki is not in the least convinced, "I don't have a good feeling about this."

She actually has a very bad feeling, the feeling that her dreams will become reality once again. That darkness still has her, and will loom over to her child the very same way.

Cursed blood.

"Everything's going to be fine," he says, tapping her forearm to offer a bit of comfort.

"Just make sure Stark doesn't get in here. That wimp will just faint like a girl, and I can't have that right now," Loki huffs. That helps, a bit.

"Guys! Guys!" Tony's voice shrieks over the loudspeakers.

"Speaking of the devil…," Loki exhales wearily, a loose strand falling into her face.

"It's seemingly not Thor who is coming. Video footage shows us these guys," Tony says, now on the screen, but then quickly shows the footage from outside.

"Warriors of Asgard? What are they doing here?" Loki gapes. And again, a familiar fear from her dreams floods back into her mind, in giant waves. The faint sound of a million steps, stomping in unison, chasing her into darkness and further. It feels just like this.

"Stay calm. We will clarify this," Bruce tells her, noting her hitched breathing.

"Why are they here?" Loki insists, her voice rising uncontrollably.

"Loki, keep calm," the doctor tries again. "Already for the sake of the child."

"I'm no longer calm ever since that dull oaf took off, ah!" Loki shrieks as the next wave of pain washes over her.

"We will send the welcoming party and see what they want," Tony says.

"Be careful. Those are… the _Special Forces_ , if you will. They are… stronger and… simply follow their master's command, blindly," Loki warns him.

"We'll just do the welcoming party. They are not like the Chitauri, right?" Tony huffs.

"I don't know, perhaps they picked up some tricks by now," Loki replies. Suddenly the walls start to shake. And again, Loki can feel her dream looming above her head, when the footsteps danced away and made place for earthquakes, shaking the darkness all around her, until she fell down a cliff she couldn't see in all that darkness, but this time… the fall was no soothing absolution, but dread pulling her down, into a monster's snout whose face she never saw. And won't ever.

"So much to proper conversation," Bruce sighs.

"Perhaps we should try to get you some other place, I mean… if they come for you?" Tony suggests.

"I would, but at this moment, I am a bit… busy, argh!" Loki bites her lower lip.

"Point taken. We are heading out," Tony agrees.

"Be careful," she says.

Very careful.

Please, please, let that be just reality, and not a reality interwoven with her dark nightmares.

Let that monster not be real.

Don't let it loom into reality.

Please.

Please.

* * *

Thor steps out of the light right in front of the dome leading to the portals – to Loki.

Perhaps if he is fast enough, he can intervene and stop the men from going there, but as he comes inside, he has to realize that they are already gone.

Yet another chance gone to waste.

"My Prince," the gatekeeper greets him. Thor looks at the soldier in golden armor with alarm.

"Heimdall, you have to let me pass," Thor says in a loud voice. He has to get to Loki, now. Now. Now!

"I have my orders," the warrior replies. Thor already feared for such a reaction, but he still hopes that at least Heimdall can be convinced, "I know, but so do I. Please, my friend."

"You ask me to betray my King? Not to abide his rules?" the other man questions.

"I ask you to help save a life, two, actually," Thor replies.

"That of the man who almost killed me?" Heimdall huffs. Thor knows that they have a "strained" relationship, to put it very nicely, but… life and death depend on it.

"Of the woman I love and the child she bears me," Thor corrects him.

"So the same man who killed me is now in a woman's body," Heimdall grimaces.

"… Yes," Thor nods.

"And a child, you say?" Heimdall looks at him.

"Yes, both our child," Thor nods frantically. "So I beg you, my friend, let me pass. I don't have the time to discuss this, for I have to hurry. I don't want to fight you, but I will. Loki is about to give birth to our child – and the warriors mean to bring her to Jotunheimr nevertheless. If she doesn't die on the way there already, the child will very likely, too. I have to save them, please."

Heimdall looks at him, contemplating. Thor can feel the perspiration gathering on his forehead. He doesn't want to fight Heimdall, but by the Gods, he will for his loved ones.

"My order was not to let anyone interfere with the surrender of the former prince of Asgard, the God of Mischief. It never said anything about a child. However, since I am Asgard's gate keeper, I'm also the royal family's keeper. So if a successor to the throne is in danger… I have to let you pass and save it," Heimdall then says, making Thor's heart jump, "Thank you, my friend."

Thor runs forward and is soon swallowed by light.

Hopefully it's not too late yet.

Hopefully his future is not lost already.

* * *

"Okay, hello, Warriors of Asgard! We are your Prince's friends, and would rather talk to you before this escalates," Steve says as they make their way over to the Aesir basically in their front yard. "We don't want to fight you - unless you leave us no choice."

"We demand the surrender of Loki of Jotunheimr," seemingly the leader of the troop says in a dramatic voice.

"Why? Loki is in banishment, as far as we are concerned," Steve grimaces. Why would they want to remove Loki? That they want to keep Thor from earth, fine, but… why Loki?

"The God of Mischief is to be moved to Jotunheimr to face trial. We are here to escort the prisoner to there," the leader replies.

"Trial?" Clint frowns.

"Yes, the order comes from the Allfather. Loki of Jotunheimr is to go to trial for the crimes committed to realm of ice and snow. And now you shall show us where the prisoner is. If you surrender now, no further harm will be done to you or your city," the leader explains. The Avengers look aghast. That is definitely not what it was supposed to be. At all.

"Yeah, no, that's not happening. Loki is part of our team, and pretty much a citizen, so that means you have no say," Natasha huffs. The leader nods at one of the soldiers, who makes his way over to the mansion.

"Yeah, no to that, too. I didn't send you an invitation as far as I can remember," Tony grunts, already following the soldier to take him out. While the warrior does indeed dodge, he makes no attempt to fight back. The same is true for the others.

"We are here solely to bring the God of Mischief to Jotunheimr. You are not of our concern," the solider speaks. "So if you act peacefully, we will be gone at an instant, with the trickster."

"Let's see about that. I bet I can piss you off enough to make you change your mind," Tony snarls before going on to guard the mansion, as do the others.

They definitely picked the wrong people to fight – because they will fight for it no matter the costs.

* * *

"You should let me go with them," Loki breathes, her eyes fixed on the screen where she can see her friends fighting a fight that is definitely not theirs. A fight they shouldn't fight. A fight she also saw, felt beneath her fingertips, heard in her ears as a faint echo inside her dream. War cries. Swords crossing. Lightning striking in the distance. An intense heat. And then… fire. Hot. Blazing. So hot that it burned cold again.

"What? Are you out of your mind?" Bruce retorts. He knows that Loki cares about them a great deal. Bruce also knows, like any other of the Avengers, that she is willing to risk her life for each of them, but does Loki seriously think that they will just sell her out?

"They might change their mind and decide to seriously attack you after all," Loki insists, now focusing on the doctor instead. "And do you harm. A lot of it."

"Loki, that's no option. They will bring you to the guys who want your head," Bruce argues. "You are in way more danger than our friends out there right now."

"That might change, though," Loki insists. "In an instant."

"It didn't yet. You just focus on yourself and the baby, alright?" Bruce tries to calm her.

"Argh, now I actually wished the child were already in the world," Loki grits her teeth. And yet another part of her dream, of her sense of foreboding. That time was running out, that she could run as fast as she wanted, but still stood in the same spot. Came too late. Always too late. And time mockingly laughing into her back.

"Why?" Bruce frowns. Not long ago she said that it was too early.

"Maybe they don't know about our child's existence yet. Then the child wouldn't be in real danger, but for as long as he is tied to my body… he is in a lot of danger," Loki says, closing her eyes. Even in the most natural sense she cannot protect her child from harm. Her body, which should be a refuge, a safe haven… is now no more than a threat as well.

Perhaps creatures of darkness are simply incapable of protecting their loved ones.

"Loki, we got you covered, okay?" Bruce assures her. "We have your back."

Maybe they can? If she can't?

* * *

The Avengers still try anything within their powers to keep the soldiers away from the mansion, but it gets increasingly difficult. They were seemingly prepared in advance so that they know how to counter their attacks, which doesn't help them in their enterprise of protecting Loki and the baby.

"Okay, guys, we have to stop them from getting too close to the building somehow! We also end up firing at it. I don't know how long it will hold," Natasha grunts, looking around at the damage already done to the building and part of the street.

"Well, aiming gets hard when they don't allow a clear shot!" Clint snarls, firing another arrow at one of the soldiers to make sure he doesn't get inside.

"Careful!" Steve cries out as Tony fires at one of the soldiers, only to get attacked by another, which sends Tony's own attack crashing against the building, making some walls collapse.

"That was not on purpose!" Tony cries out.

"Oh oh!" Natasha exhales nervously.

This won't hold for long.

* * *

Bruce shields Loki from some of the debris, "Well, the welcoming party is seemingly failing in its purpose."

"We should get out of here," Loki breathes shallowly.

"I agree. I don't know how long those walls will hold," Bruce grimaces.

"Given the laws of physics… no more than four minutes," Loki puckers her lips.

"Yeah, no, that means we gotta move you… right now. Do you think you can stand?" Bruce asks. Loki looks at him.

"Or we use one of the cubes," he suggests instead.

"Fabulous idea," she snorts.

"Okay, where to?" Bruce questions.

"Sector 4b," Loki says with determination.

"That's just outside," Bruce frowns. He was thinking about… Milwaukee, Hawaii or so? Something far, far away from here.

"Well removed from the battle-site, but within reach for Thor… if that dull oaf makes it here any time soon," Loki explains.

"And you are sure about that?" Bruce asks. Loki looks at him.

"Alright, you are the boss," Bruce exhales, then speaks over the comm. "Guys? We will relocate to sector 4b."

"Got it," Clint approves. Bruce tosses the cube ahead and both disappear into the light.

* * *

"This has to be a joke. We kick the Chitauri in the ass, but not these guys?!" Tony cries out.

"Well, we are down by one Hulk and two Norse Gods," Steve shrugs, throwing his shield at one of the soldiers.

"Bruce? I think you'd do better heading to battle than… holding my hand here," Loki hisses, now that they are behind a building away from the mansion, though still within periphery to the point that the earth shakes beneath her fingertips. All too familiar. All too real, all too real like her nightmare.

"I can't leave you here," the doctor argues.

"The Hulk might have actual chances to make them retreat, or at least until I…," Loki means to say, but Bruce interrupts her, "Loki, we won't let you go with them. That's not happening."

"It might be that this is a circumstance we cannot move around," Loki argues.

"We will. They don't know how you look like," Bruce retorts.

"Do you sincerely believe that it is about outer appearance?" she huffs.

"Well, that's your signature move," the scientist shrugs.

"A signature move my enemies are well-aware of by now," she argues. "And look at how the Warriors are moving."

Bruce looks around the corner, "Closer to our location…"

They are actually coming closer and closer. If not for the others keeping them away from them, they'd be there already.

"It is the casket," Loki breathes as another wave of pain rushes through her body. "Or rather, what's in it."

She should have known. Why didn't she foresee this? Why didn't she think of that option? And why is her magic not enough to keep the metal from chinking in her ears?

"Casket?" Bruce blinks.

"That box they keep within their very center," Loki explains.

"Then we should tell the others to attack it," Bruce argues.

"That'd be pointless," she sighs.

"Why?" Bruce frowns.

"It's something, I fear, they cannot destroy," Loki grits her teeth. "Something no one can destroy, not even Thor or I."

"What?" Bruce blinks. Loki lets out a growl as the pain overtakes her senses and all she hears is the scratching of metal.

* * *

"My King! The Prince of Asgard is on the way to Midgard," one of the soldiers yells as he runs up to him.

"What?" Odin blinks at him. "What about Heimdall?"

"He said there was no power in the Nine Realms to hold him," the warrior reports. "What do we do now, my King?"

"Nothing. It changes nothing at all," Odin says.

"You think so?" Frigga huffs. "Thor will tear the Warriors to shreds. Love will make him."

"Even if he makes it there in time, there is nothing he can do," Odin tells her.

"Why so? I still ask myself how you will catch Loki, for we both know if there was someone to escape each time, it was the God of Mischief," she sneers darkly.

"And that is what I prepared for," Odin explains. "I mended a broken bond and made it stronger than ever."

"What do you mean?" Frigga looks at him.

"Do you remember when we tried to bind Fenrir?" Odin asks.

"Yes, yet another child's child whose life you destroyed because you were too afraid of his powers. Till today I hear the howling of that wolf in my ears," Frigga snarls.

"Only once we had the dwarves make Gleipnir did we manage to keep him in his spot," Odin exhales. "Leyding and Dromi broke under little effort."

"Indeed," Frigga nods slowly.

"I kept them, you see?" Odin goes on. "These chains. I gave them to the dwarves to have them fixed, just in case."

"Why did you?" Frigga looks at him, her voice starting to shake as she feels cold spreading throughout her.

"For when they'd come in useful again. And they do now. Like son… so father, or mother," Odin mutters.

"What did you do, Odin?" Frigga questions.

"I had them specially prepared to find the God of Mischief. These chains are now no longer to hold a wolf, but to find this very Jotun," her husband replies, not looking at her. "There is no escape for Loki. Those are chains neither Thor, their friends, nor Loki can break. The only power that can… is death."

Frigga grits her teeth, biting back the tears meaning to run down her cheeks. She just prays that Odin, once again, underestimates their children.

She just hopes that these chains will budge after all.

* * *

"I can tell the magical aura all the way up to here," Loki breathes, screwing her eyes shut. "In that casket are chains I already saw before – and dread the same way. They were meant for my son Fenrir years ago. He broke them easily, but the Allfather had them repaired, or so it appears… and seemingly enhanced, too… I can hear them practically calling out to me. These chains want to get to me. And I can feel the strength radiating - it is too strong."

And that means there really is no escape. She can hear them howling at her.

"Damn," the doctor mutters. "Guys? You heard that?"

"Well, even if Loki thinks we can't break them, we should give it at least a try," Clint grimaces.

"They have to be careful," the trickster hisses.

"She's right. If those are the chains Loki talks about – we don't know what Odin's done to them to enhance them," Bruce warns them.

"It is me they want," Loki argues.

"And it is you they won't get. So now, you focus on breathing. We figure out a plan," Bruce replies, not in the least wavered.

"Such a mess," she sighs. That is the moment thunder starts to roll. Loki opens her eyes, glancing up, "Took you long enough."

Thor appears in a flash of light, knocking a few of the soldiers over at an instant.

"Always up for a dramatic entrance, aren't we?" Tony huffs.

"Where is Loki?" Thor demands.

"Safe, for now," Natasha tells him. They don't know if the soldiers can hear them, so to give away Loki's location is no smart move. Thor seemingly understands and turns to the soldiers instead, "Soldiers, desist from your activities. I ask you as your Prince."

"We have our orders from the King himself," the leader argues.

"And as your Commander-in-chief, I give you another order," Thor retorts.

"We have orders to have the God of Mischief moved to Jotunheimr presently," the soldier insists.

"Loki is in no condition to be moved," Thor tells him.

"The orders were clear," the other Aesir replies, not in the least wavered. "No exceptions are to be made."

"Bruce?" Loki turns to the doctor, who looks at her nervously, "Yes?"

"You have to do me a favor," she goes on.

"Anything but handing you over to them, yes," he replies, making Loki smile for a brief moment before adding, "Get Thor and Natasha for me, so that you can join the Avengers."

"Loki," he exhales, but she holds up one hand to interrupt him, "I… I have an idea, but for that… I need you at the front. That I want Natasha here is already to satisfy your apparent wish to have someone by my side. She is good at sneaking in and out. She has best chances of not being caught. I will send out replicas in both Thor's and Natasha's place. That will hopefully do for the moment."

"Okay, fine," Bruce approves. "That sounds like… some kind of plan."

"Natasha? You have to take my place here. We got you covered. I will Hulk out and serve as distraction. You grab Thor and bring him to Loki," Bruce tells her.

"Gotcha," the SHIELD agent agrees.

"And you don't do anything stupid," Bruce turns to the trickster one last time. She rolls her eyes at him, but then Bruce leaves the cover to switch into Hulk-mode, directly attacking the soldiers. A cloud of dust erupts, shielding the Avengers from the warriors' view. Natasha uses the momentum to get to Thor, tearing him away and over to where Loki is currently hiding, two replicas taking their place so that it looks like they are still standing in their spot.

"Are you okay?" the agent asks as she makes her way to the trickster. Loki glares at the redhead, beads of sweat standing on her forehead, her nostrils flaring. So Natasha adds quickly, "Nevermind."

That is when Loki's eyes focus on the blue orbs she dreaded to return to her for felt eternities, and the same kind of desire is sent right back to her. And yet another aspect of her dream, the faint pull of hope, away from the darkness into the blue, into the light, but then there came the cliff. Thor kneels down next to his loved one, pressing his forehead against hers once. The God of Thunder repeats his mantra again and again: It's not too late. It's not too late. It's not too late. Not yet. Not yet…

"Well, that was not how we had it planned," she puffs.

"I didn't foresee this," Thor breathes.

"Me neither, trust me. Or else I would have told you to just kill the Allfather before he gets to kill me," Loki grits her teeth.

"Yeah…," Thor sighs. Perhaps he should have just… done it. Then they wouldn't be in such a trouble right now, but… well, hope is still one of Thor's features. And he hoped that his father would come to his senses after all.

"Does the Allfather know… about my status?" Loki asks. She has to know the details. No fog. Clarity. She needs clarity. Now. To make up a plan. Something. Anything.

"Yes, but that didn't change his mind," Thor replies solemnly.

"Obviously," Loki snorts.

"He is obsessed with the purity of blood and that you had to go back to Jotun because you were not of ours. So I thought that maybe if I told him that you are tied to me by blood indeed, he'd stop, but…," Thor lets his head sink low. He is surprised to feel her fingertips against the outline of his jaw, however, "It is not your fault. You did the right thing, to your knowledge. I would have tried that also."

"What do we do now? We could try to transport you away from here," Thor suggests.

"No matter where you send me, they'll find me. You feel it, too, don't you?" Loki tells him.

"Some aura I once knew," Thor grimaces. He can't put his finger on it, but it's an aura that sends shivers down his spine.

"Fenrir's chains, Dromi, as far as I'm concerned. Odin had them fixed and… improved, that much I can tell. Like a bloodhound, searching for its prey… which happens to be me," Loki mutters.

"But how can that thing tell where you are? You said you can hide from their view," Natasha tilts her head.

"And that is why they are not here yet. I spent years and years refining that skill, and especially since I am here on Midgard. That is the only reason why they don't know exactly where I am. One could say their fine-tuning is not perfect because I keep refining my skill," Loki grimaces.

"Then we should definitely bring you somewhere else – with the cubes," Natasha argues. "We will fight off the warriors and you stay hidden until it's safe again."

"You don't seem to understand – it's not the warriors I am concerned about, it's the chains, it's the spell I feel radiating from them. Odin managed to link these chains to me. For all I know, it's an old binding spell. I could hide anywhere on Midgard, and still, Dromi would find me," Loki objects.

"How do you tell?" the female agent questions.

"You should never underestimate my… powers," Loki breathes, blinking against the pain. "Even if they are seemingly not enough to prevent these chains from locking me in… And I may add that we are apparently… running out of time, too."

"Why?" Thor asks, licking his lips.

"At this moment, I can disguise my exact location because I use all of my magical energy on this task… plus, the illusions of you and Natasha. However, I won't have the energy anymore after I bring out this child. And I have any intention to move it up a gear and bring our child out all at once. I now have… enough energy to do it, but after that they will know exactly where I am," Loki explains. She used the time to focus. Gain clarity. And gather as much of that clarity to offer protection.

She just has to protect that child, she has to.

Has to.

"You can actually do that?" Natasha can't help but blurt out. "Like… instant birth?"

"Yeah, yet another reason why women are always jealous of me," Loki shrugs. "It's the best option. If they get to me – then at least… we can protect our son, perhaps."

"Are you sure?" the female agent grimaces.

"It's the only option I see to offer a little protection for our son. In this my body, this child we be chained along with me," Loki explains. Her eyes fall back on Thor, who nods solemnly, "It is the only chance we have."

"Okay," Natasha nods, gulping.

"So you see, I will bring the child out by magic. You just have to take a hold of it once it comes," Loki warns her. Thor tightens his grip on the trickster's shoulder, his breath hot and wet against her forehead.

Natasha nods, if a little irritated, because that is definitely not her department, "Gotcha."

Thor takes Loki's left hand into both of his to offer some kind of comfort, some warmth to warm up her ice-cold fingertips. Loki lets out a guttural growl, her fingers hovering over her pregnant stomach. Suddenly there is the familiar green light again, spreading from her midsection over to her entire body. She lets out a deep breath and as the light fades away, Natasha has the newborn in her arms. Loki lets her head fall back as black dots dance before her eyes.

"C'mon, little one, cry out, cry out," Natasha mutters nervously, but as if on cue, the child starts to weep in her arms.

"A healthy baby boy," Natasha manages a feeble smirk as she quickly wraps the child in the cloak Thor readily holds out to her. The agent means to hand the baby over to Loki, but once her hands make contact with the God of Mischief, she guides Natasha's hands over to Thor wordlessly. The God of Thunder takes the child with shaking hands, tears running down his dust-smeared face. He holds the child up to his head to press a kiss on the baby's forehead, cradling him against his chest.

"Thor? I'm sorry, but… you have to go. And protect our child," she tells him. "They now know where we are."

Thor hesitantly hands the child over to Loki, who cradles the babe to her chest protectively. He knows that she would rather not ask him for it at this moment, but it has to be, which is why Loki granted Thor at least that first moment with his child. It might be the last after all. And the baby should not die, if it is to die, without having been held by his father once. And the father should have held it once also, so Loki thinks.

"You are right," he agrees, pressing a kiss on her forehead as well before standing up again.

"I leave them into your care," he tells Natasha, who nods.

"I'll be right back," Thor winks at Loki, even though it comes out strained. The God of Thunder then goes ahead to fight the soldiers again. Natasha looks around, her weapons at gunpoint, "Don't worry. You are safe with us. The both of you."

"So okay… let's think this through. What are our options? I could give you the child so you could hide him, but even if we beat this resistance, the Allfather will send for us again, now that he knows of our son… so… that I go with them to buy his freedom is actually… no longer an option… What's next…? We know I can't hide from the chains. We didn't manage to break them, and we won't ever. Those chains mean to grasp my neck and so they will… The Allfather won't hesitate to go through you or Midgard's people to lure me out… so that's no option either… what else… what else? What else?" Loki mutters rapidly. Her mind is reeling. Where are the million options that meant to drown her before? Why is there suddenly no longer an option? Where are they? Where did they go?

"Loki, calm down, we're gonna…," Natasha means to calm the upset mother, but Loki doesn't listen, "There's nothing you can do. Nothing. The only way that the Allfather would leave us in peace would be… that we are both dead."

"Hey!" Natasha grasps her by the arm.

"That's the only option. We have to die," Loki says, looking around nervously.

"Loki, now you listen to me," Natasha tries, but Loki goes on relentlessly, "That's what it comes down to. We have to die."

The child weeps in her arms. Loki readjust her grip on the infant, pressing her mouth upon its head, "Shh, shh, it's alright, it's alright. Shhht. I am here."

* * *

"The God of Mischief is over there," one of the soldiers says, confirming their fears that they can now locate the trickster.

"Damn!" Clint mutters. "That's faster than we hoped."

"Guys? I think we should now start to fire with everything we have," Steve suggests. However, that is when suddenly Natasha shrieks, "Loki!"

The Avengers look in horror as the God of Mischief, with the child in her arms, appears in front of the soldiers, seemingly having transported away before Natasha could hold her back.

"Shit! What's she doing?!" Tony cries out.

"Get out of the way!" Clint yells.

"I am Loki of Jotunheimr," she declares, moving closer to the soldiers. Her walk, even among all the craters and ruins piling up in the streets, is still as dignified as it was at the masquerade ball. The walk of a queen. "It is me you are seeking, so it is me you should be talking to, Warriors of Asgard."

"That woman…," Tony grunts.

"She must be out of her mind," Steve gapes.

"Loki, run, for God's sake!" Natasha hisses.

"We have orders to have you moved to…," the soldier means to say, but Loki interrupts him before he gets to finish, "I know. You wrecked enough earth to make your purpose known."

"We have our orders," the soldier replies stiffly.

"I demand that you leave Midgard at peace," Loki snarls, her features grim.

"If you follow the orders, this fight is over," the leader tells her.

"You guarantee their safety?" Loki asks again.

"We shall not do them any harm if you follow us peacefully," the man nods.

"Good," Loki replies. Suddenly, it is as though a snake reached out of the troop of Aesir, and for a moment, Loki thinks back to the day she almost lost Thor on the battlefield, back when Gorr used that vicious whip to get between them, if only to bring them back together. She can feel the metal soon around her neck, taking her breath away for a moment.

"Hey!" Tony yells. "She's surrendered, you dickheads!"

However, Loki as well as the warriors take no notice of him – or anyone in general. It's as though an invisible capsule surrounded them at this moment. It is the trickster who speaks up again, "I reckon you were ordered to have me in these chains no matter what."

"Indeed," the warrior says. "To make sure you do not escape."

Loki can see from the corner of her eye her significant other moving forward. Thor already means to wield Mjölnir and crash into the warriors, but suddenly his movements still. He can't move. He is trapped. Why? His eyes fall back on Loki, who still won't look at him, but he can see the back of her hand glowing green, a small beam, not visible from the front.

She is holding him back.

"Loki," he grits his teeth. Why is she doing this?

"So, will you come with us peacefully, God of Mischief?" the troop's leader asks, sounding rather formal.

"I find it funny that you even ask me that question, now that you have me in chains," Loki sneers.

"We can either take you… or drag you," the man says. "So? What will it be, God of Mischief? Though I may warn you that these chains cannot be broken by you. Only death can part them from this your body now. So, what is your answer?"

Loki looks at him for a moment, narrowing her emerald eyes at him.

"What do you think?" she asks him calmly. "My name is not God of Peace, is it?"

The trickster grabs the chain with her one free hand, sending a green light all the way up to the warriors holding the chain. However, before it can take any effect on the Aesir, the light reaches back and instead engulfs her in a bright green light, throwing the raven off her feet. She crashes to the ground, leaving a long trail of debris behind, the child still cradled in her arms. The chain falls off her throat, holding her no longer.

"Loki!" Thor cries out, feeling dizzy in the head as the pull of her fades away, allowing him to move again. The world tilts sideways and back again. He clasps his chest, it feels so tight, it hurts, burns. He can't seem to breathe. What is this? What is happening here? Thor staggers, his mind drifting away, feeling as though a part is ripped out of him, right by his heart.

Natasha runs up to her, the warriors, even though shocked at the sight, move closer as well. Bruce gets in their path, however, "You don't move. Or else. Smash."

"Loki?" Natasha kneels down, checking for a pulse, but finds… none. She leans down to listen for a heartbeat. "She's not breathing. And there's no heartbeat!"

The female agent looks at the child… which doesn't move either, "And the child… too…"

Thor stares on in sheer shock, the pain becoming more and more, coldness spreading throughout him like a flame of ice.

"Do CPR, something! Anything! Dammit!" Tony curses. Clint rushes over to her to help. The two try their best to help the child and Loki, but… nothing happens. Minutes pass. And nothing. Simply nothing. The whole world seems to come to an end, collapsing upon itself.

Again and again and again.

One of the warriors moves past the Hulk to get to where the agents are.

"You make one more step and I shoot you between the eyes," Natasha snarls, her pistol at gunpoint, ready to shoot.

"Sam here," Clint adds coolly, the arrow already aimed at the Aesir. The warrior, however, unimpressed, simply looks at Loki's still form, seemingly checking her status. After a moment, he looks up again and declares, "The God of Mischief has passed away. We have to report to the King."

"NOOOOOO!" Thor cries out. He rushes over to them, knocking the soldier aside, falling on his knees next to Loki's still form, taps her cheek, tries to make her wake up, but… nothing. Nothing at all. Her skin feels like ice, and the same cold draws the warmth out of him, the gaping hole he feels in his chest tearing more and more of his flesh away, to make place for more of that dark coldness consuming him.

"My Prince, we have orders to bring you back to Asgard…," the leader speaks. Thor whips his head around, snarling at him in a feral manner, "Do not test me."

"Thor?" Natasha says in a soft voice. The God of Thunder looks at her confused, but she goes on nevertheless, "Maybe you should… actually go with them."

"What? Why?" Thor asks gruffly. Why would he leave now? It's all over, isn't it? His future is lost. Right there on the ground, just that he is not Loki. He can't bring her back from the dead. As much as he wished, he doesn't know the spell, can't cast it. Can't bring her smile back, her eyes. Her light. Or their child. Their future.

"If you wanna do what we all wanna do right now… then you have to go to the guy who gave the order," Natasha tells him darkly. "We can't take revenge… but you can."

"You are right," Thor agrees eventually, and rage makes place for sadness, fire makes place for ice. The tears can wait until later. There is a fire now. And it means to catch more.

"I will go with you, for now," Thor tells the soldier, who gives a nod. Thor gets up, his eyes drifting back to Loki and the child. He bites the inside of his cheek, but then tears away. The blue light soon swallows him and the soldiers.

Darkness remains.


	41. Here We Are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nope, no summary here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking around and for commenting, kudoing, and the whole rest you wonderful readers do ;) 
> 
> I hope that last chapter really came as a bit of a surprise... and for those who were surprised, I hope it wasn't too much of a shocker.
> 
> Anyways, hereby the next chapter.
> 
> I hope you'll enjoy ;)

Thor is on his way back to the Great Hall, his steps heavy, like a million soldiers stomping their feet. His body is at war with the world, his mind holds up the flag, his hands play the drums. Thor flings the doors open forcefully, almost bringing them out of their hinges. The warriors retrieve in fright.

"They are dead," Thor declares upon coming inside. Frigga's eyes wander between him and Odin, shock wrecking her body, "What?! Odin!"

Her fear was that Odin succeeded in exiling Loki and the child to Jotunheimr, but now they are… they are dead?

"The warriors had orders not to lay hands on the trickster, but have her moved to Jotunheimr," Odin argues calmly.

"They threatened to take her to execution," Thor retorts angrily. "What exactly did you believe would Loki do? Of course she fought back! Like any of us would have!"

"Please no," Frigga mutters, a hand over her mouth, her entire body shaking.

"When they put those chains on her, she tried to break them off with her magic, only moments after she had given birth. But because she was too weak… or so… the attack backfired… and killed her and our child," Thor snarls, baring his teeth. Does his father sincerely believe that the fact that he did not order for the soldiers to kill them right away makes it any better? He wanted Loki dead, now in Jotunheimr or Midgard, it makes no difference.

Loki's death was Odin's plan.

And that his son died along with her seemingly played into his hands the very same way.

"No, no, no, that can't be. That can't be. That's… no," Frigga stutters, tears now freely streaming down her face. How many times is she forced to bury her family? Since when is her family tree… a graveyard?

"I did not mean for it to happen in that way," Odin tells him, seemingly not in the least touched by the news. "Of course that brings… some problems. I promised the Jotuns to bring them the trickster. Now that means I will have to refund them – to ensure Asgard's safety."

"What?!" Frigga shrieks. She grasps him by the arm forcefully. "How dare you say that? How dare you _think_ that after hearing these horrific news?! Thanks to you one of my children is dead, and my grandchild!"

"The trickster is not your child," Odin argues. Frigga's wrist grasps him even tighter.

"Loki _is_ my child! I held him as a babe, rocked him to his sleep, sang to him, read out to him, taught him magic, held his hand through a fever mare," Frigga brings out. "It was you who gave that small bundle into my arms all those years ago and said to me that I shall treat it as my own. And that is what I did. And it was that very night that you proved to me your very greatness. But what happened to that greatness? That gentleness? That love? How could you, after holding that child in your arms for only just a night, stop loving it? Breaking the promise you made me commit myself to? How could you? How?"

"It had to be done," Odin tells her.

"You helped kill our child, and our grandchild. No, that didn't have to be done. It mustn't happen, Odin!" Frigga argues with fury burning in her eyes. "I shall never forgive you this."

"I told you that it was a failure to..." Odin tries again, but Thor is fed up with all of it. He listened to it for too long, "I will not hear a word from you! You killed my child, your grandchild! Your own grandson!"

Frigga cries out again. It is all too much. A baby boy, her grandson – and her husband helped kill him, along with her beloved child, Loki. It rips her heart to shreds, tiny, tiny shreds, which pierce through her flesh like shards of glass.

"Regardless of the fact that I did not plan for this to happen… both their demise was a... necessary evil," Odin insists in a flat voice Thor would usually read as… annoyed? He is _annoyed_ , even though he just had to learn that his adoptive child and grandchild died because of his foolish politics!?

"Don't you dare say that! There is no way to justify your actions!" Thor growls.

"Thor Odinson, remember whom you are talking to," the Allfather retorts.

"To a bastard!" Thor snarls, unimpressed. "Loki was right about you! All along! She said that your heart was too much of ice to show mercy and love! I wonder if you are not her real father after all, for so much ice is running in you, truly befitting a Jotun."

"You don't know what you are saying," Odin shrieks.

"I know what I am saying! You don't know what _you_ are _doing_! I should have known better! I should have known that you are simply incapable of mercy and… light… You imprisoned her children before, you even _killed_ them! How could I ever be so foolish to believe that this could change?!" Thor yells, dread filling his voice. If only he hadn't told him.

If only… if only…

"That was something entirely different," Odin argues.

"How?" Thor asks. How is that any different? Lives were taken, ripped away. How does that old vicious merciless game ever change if the result remains the same?

"This was your child as well," Odin says. " _That's_ the difference."

"Yes, he was mine! So how dare you kill him? Or find it justified that my son died along with his mother?!" Thor demands.

"Because you stained the throne by laying with a criminal from Jotunheimr. You dared to bed with a traitor to the throne! This is a bastard child, a disgrace, a shame," Odin tells him.

"You...," Thor growls, his chest vibrating with anger.

"That child was never meant to live, Thor," Odin says, his voice dark. "Like his mother."

"This child did you no wrong! If at all, it was us two, Loki and I, but not this child!" Thor cries out.

"It was cursed," the Allfather insists.

"You don't mean that, do you?" Thor looks at him.

"This child never should have been breathed into existence. It was not meant to be. It is tainted," Odin argues, "and would have posed a threat to entire Asgard."

"Why?!" Thor looks at him.

"Do you know what this relationship, this child, would have been to Asgard?!" Odin curses.

"It would have done nothing to this realm!" Thor argues. "Neither did our relationship for all the time it took place already! You didn't even know about it until I told you!"

"You kept away, didn't do your duties…," Odin argues, but Thor cuts him off with a hiss, "Whenever you called, I came. For what do we have the Bifröst for if not the travelling across?! I paid my duties to the crown, to this bloody throne you sit on!"

"If there had been something wrong in Asgard, or with the Bifröst, it would have taken you considerable time to come by, if you would have even managed," Odin shrugs. "And that was because you rather spent your time laying with a criminal."

"I wouldn't have been forced to stay on Midgard if you hadn't banished her to there!" Thor growls in a low voice.

"Now don't be ridiculous!" Odin cries out. "Was I supposed to just let the trickster walk after the havoc caused?"

"Well, did you not do the same with me? You banished me in the intention to have me redeem myself, but Loki never got a chance to. You left her stranded there, regardless of the fact that we did just the same thing in a way, just that I attacked Jotunheimr while she chose Midgard as her target," Thor argues.

"That is because you are of my blood. That protects you, Thor. Don't you see it?" Odin sighs.

"I do see it, but I don't understand! You brought Loki to Asgard, you tried to move beyond the ties of blood, you wanted to change things…," Thor argues, but Odin interrupts him. "And that was one of the greatest mistakes in my life."

"Odin!" Frigga yells, but he dismisses her completely, "For as long as Loki lived like one of us, it was no problem, but then… the secret of his heritage was uncovered. And that made the trickster something other, something not part of the old laws, something that could not seek shelter under these pillars of old laws that protect you, Thor."

"I can't believe this," Frigga grasps her forehead, feeling dizzy. She waits for Odin to turn to mist to reveal some vicious illusion, but her fingertips still on his arm deem this here as reality.

"So fine, you had Loki exiled for those reasons! Fine! Yet, that doesn't change anything about the fact that our relationship, our love, did Asgard no harm!" Thor curses.

"Your mind was elsewhere. With her in bed, to my understanding," Odin huffs.

"I helped protect Midgard alongside her after it was so greatly destroyed thanks to our actions, our politics! We both helped these people!" Thor retorts. "That was our main goal! That was what was on our minds foremost!"

"And who brought about that chaos, you remind me?" Odin snorts.

"Not just Loki, if that is what you are asking. _We_ were the cause for Loki's outbreak, our dishonesty! The lies! The secrets! Or the children already ripped away from her! That you tried to keep us two apart to bypass a scandal among Asgard's royals!" Thor yells.

"You openly showed that you didn't wish to be here. You even wanted to deny the throne in a while," Odin argues.

"And you think that was because of Loki?" Thor shakes his head. "It was not, believe me that. She encouraged me to pay my duties to the throne, even when I was shaken by my growing hatred for you. She told me to protect Asgard, regardless of her 'mixed' feelings towards this realm that eventually became a hostile place for her! She wanted Asgard to prosper! Be at peace! She saved me from death, I told you. She protected Asgard, all this time! That I stayed on Midgard was my wish, not hers! It was me! Not her! Why do you punish her for something I committed?! Why don't you just deny me the throne? Why don't you just cast me out?"

"Because you are the next King, Thor. You have duties. You are the King this realm deserves and needs," Odin retorts.

"And Loki would have been its righteous Queen if you had granted us just one meager chance of proving ourselves!" Thor shrieks.

"Nonsense!" Odin huffs. "Loki meant to corrupt and destroy Asgard the last time the trickster was seated upon this very throne."

"But in what kind of a situation? Right after she had learned about the lies, her true heritage! She was not herself when this took place," Thor argues.

"Oh, I believe that this was her real self after all. The throne exposes people's true core," Odin nods slowly.

"Indeed," Thor agrees. "As it exposes you as what I took you for before, an old fool, too set in his ways, too narrow-minded, too dark to see the greater good when it is right before him, within his arm's reach!"

"And you have your heads in the clouds if you believe only for a split second that what you did was the right thing, for it was not. You broke the laws, laws in place for good reasons," Odin retorts. Thor just shakes his head.

"Look," Odin then says, now almost in a soothing tone, making Thor grimace at him. "I did not plan your child's death, obviously. You only told me just now about this child, but its demise, however sad and personal this loss may be to you… served a greater purpose in the end. This is to protect Asgard."

"How does this protect Asgard, by the Gods?!" Thor demands. He doesn't get it. He really doesn't. How are these two deaths the price for Asgard's safety? How do they establish the peace Odin thinks to find in little wars and shutting the gates for all times?!

"Do I really have to spell it out to you?" Odin snorts.

"For all it's worth: YES!" Thor yells. Yes! Yes! Why? Why?! Say it! Say it already!

"What do you think does it mean to produce an offspring with one's rivaling race? Huh? With a _Jotun_. A Jotun of all possibilities. Do you sincerely believe that you can give the throne to a son whose blood runs together in Jotun ice and snow? They would have had political say in Asgard, by blood, or would at least demand it. Would try to influence that child. This would have corrupted Asgard, entire! To the core!" Odin snarls, forcing Thor's eyes wide open. So that is the reason? That is all he gets for a 'why'?

"Then so be it! We could have done so many things to prevent that, if that is so much against your very wishes! Why not just declare him a bastard, so that he cannot climb the throne! But for that he didn't have to die!" Thor argues, still not believing this. Where is the man who told him not to interrupt the peace with the Jotuns after the coronation's interruption? Where is the man who took Loki's and his hand after showing them the Casket when still children? Where is the man he loved? The man who loved him – and Loki? The man he believed in? They man he trusted? The man he looked up to? The man he wanted to come closer to, to become a great leader like him? Where did he go? To where did he disappear?

"Again, I did not order the execution. From your description, Loki happened to have your son in her arms when it happened. How was I to foresee this?" Odin argues.

"So you mean to say that you would have let my son live if Loki had not acted the way she did?" Thor huffs. Because he knows. He knows now. And Odin's silence only confirms him.

"I didn't mean for a violent death to take him," the King says eventually. "But believe me: In the end, this will help protect your home, Thor. It is for your best as well, even if you don't see it now."

"This is to protect yourself, no more than that!" Thor snarls. "Because _you_ feel ashamed! That's why you chased them, to death. With the same rattling chains with which you meant to imprison Fenrir. Truly, how cruel can you be to use this chain of all chains? You say you do that for political reasons, I say you do it out of personal feelings of resent. You try to hide your personal agenda behind orders and this very throne. You _wanted_ to chase Loki, to death and beyond. And so you did."

Odin made Thor's loved one so desperate that she saw no other way but fight one last time, with all she had. And that backfired on Loki. She is Odin's victim, along with the child. Odin always made her run, but this time… she stumbled and fell. And Thor came too late to prevent it, and didn't get a chance to pick her back up.

"Do you even have the slightest clue how many rules you broke with this? How much of a fortune it is for you that you did not suffer the same destiny?!" Odin argues. "It is my goodwill that you are not in shackles yet."

"Fortune?! _Fortune_! You killed my family! How is that a fortune?! How dare you say that out loud and mean it?! You would have done right killing me alongside them! This is not the life I am willing to live!" Thor yells atop of his voice.

"You are future King of Asgard, you have responsibilities," Odin argues.

"And so have you! So have you! Towards Loki, towards this child, towards me!" Thor cries out.

"You will have to learn that a King has to put the good of the people in front of his own," Odin retorts.

"I refuse to learn that I have to make others the sacrifice for the madness of an old man who cannot realize his own wrongs!" Thor growls. "I will never forgive you this."

"It had to be done," Odin sighs. This time, Thor runs up to him, their faces only inches from each other, "The only reason why I don't smash your head with Mjölnir just now is because I will not do that in front of Mother, but believe me... I would in a heartbeat. So don't test me. I might change my mind quicker than you think."

"Loki's death is tragic, but in the end… the trickster's removal will ensure stability among the realms," Odin says, not wavered, not scared… just not… anything. Nothing. Only a shadow.

"Loki neither was the one to cause the rift, nor will her absence close that rift. All you did was to… to kill both my loved ones," Thor shakes his head.

"It was a political decision," Odin replies. Thor narrows his eyes at him.

"It is personal to me," he says. "Very personal."

"Believe me, I didn't want for this to happen," Odin tries to assure him, but Thor doesn't buy it, "Yes, I know, you wanted it to happen behind closed curtains and doors, if to the same result! But I saw it! I saw your heartlessness! I saw all of it. I can't believe I ever had faith in you. Or that Loki did, for she did. Believe it or not. She had faith in you. She believed in you and your politics – but those of the former days. When madness and evil didn't have you devoured already."

"I am sorry for you, but it had to be," Odin replies, unimpressed.

"You are not sorry. And it didn't have to be, no," Thor says, turning around.

"Where do you think you are going?" Odin demands.

"Back to Midgard. The Avengers need my assistance after the havoc you caused. And I wish to bury the bodies of both my loved ones, for you won't even grant them Aesir burials, will you?" Thor huffs.

"No," Odin declares. Frigga lets out one shuddered cry.

"Then I'm gone," Thor shakes his head.

"You will stay," Odin yells.

"I will not," Thor retorts. "If you have any intention to keep me as your successor, you will let me go now. Or do you want to kill me, too? Have me in shackles, too? In chains? Leyding perhaps? Since Dormi is no longer available?"

He extends his hands in Odin's direction, as though ready to be put in cuffs, "Will you imprison me, too? Bind me to the throne by using Leyding or some other shackle you had prepared? Huh? I dare you do it."

"Odin," Frigga breathes hard, hoping that her husband doesn't consider this also, because she can't tell what he is up to. At this point, this man is a shadow to her, a shadow meaning to consume the world entire.

"You want me on the throne. For some reason, you need me. So? Will you throw me into the dungeons, too? Expel me? Hm? What shall it be, _my King_?" Thor growls, his eyes hard as stone, and his voice venom.

"Put your hands down, by the Gods. I will not put you in chains – unless you give me a reason to by attacking me," Odin exhales. Thor drops his arms to the side, "So will you let me go?"

"I did not say that," Odin hisses.

"Well, then you will have to chain me indeed, because I tell you, _Allfather_ – I might just as well give you reason to have me in them indeed," Thor says, his voice shaking in sheer anger. "And now ask yourself: What would that do to the realm? What a scandal would that be, huh?"

Odin looks to the side.

"As you said, you cannot complete the Exclusion yet, for you have to talk to the Jotuns… to settle the _price_ for the love of my life… and my child, seemingly, too, which you seem to trade as good, however," Thor says, screwing his eyes shut for a moment as pain overtakes his senses. "So you can either fight me now. Or you let me go to settle my business – and treat the love of my life the way she deserves. Your plan has succeeded, you won, Allfather. You lost one of your children and your grandchild. So in fact there is no reason to keep me here for now. It's all done. It's all over."

"Let him go," Frigga implores him. She would go with him, but Frigga's legs wouldn't move anyways. Though the time will come, that is sure.

"How do I know that you will come back?" Odin insists nevertheless.

"I make it that easy for you: You either let me go right now to bury my loved ones or I shall deny the crown for all eons that are to come. That is up to you to say," Thor shrugs with a sad kind of victory. He did not pose this threat before because of Loki, because of her words, because of his child, but now that they are dead? What does it matter?

Exactly.

It doesn't.

At all.

It's over.

"Thor Odinson, you...," Odin means to say, but Thor says the words that silence even the Allfather in his madness, "I'm no longer your son."

With that he leaves. Frigga keeps weeping, the loss overtaking her senses. She no longer has the power to argue, no longer the power to kill her husband, she is simply suffering through the loss of all her children, and her grandchild.

* * *

The Avengers have gathered around Loki and her child, who look strangely peaceful amid all the chaos and darkness.

Like broken dolls.

"I can't believe it," Steve shakes his head, running a shaky hand over his scalp. Just yesterday they teased Loki about a baby shower. She made her discontent over such festivity no secret. All had laughed at her pouting, and by the end, she cracked up laughing the same way. It seems all so far away now.

"What was she thinking, running up to them like that?" Clint grimaces. Loki is perhaps the most gifted tactician of them all – and then she does _this_?

"I have no clue. She said she didn't have the energy to fight," Natasha replies solemnly.

"A mother's instinct, seemingly. She simply tried anything to protect her child," Bruce sighs.

"But if she would have let us fight them…," Tony means to argue, but Natasha replies, "Loki rightly pointed out before that this wouldn't have helped."

"It would have bought us time," Steve says, joining Tony.

"But not enough. They could locate her right after the birth, because Loki had to let her barriers fall. Odin wouldn't have stopped. He knew by then that Loki was about to have this child. And judging by his level of madness, he wouldn't have let them walk away, ever. Those chains were meant to catch her – there was no escape for her, and even if we had found a temporary escape for the child… I think Odin still would have found a way. He did with this, too," Natasha argues. She heard Loki going through the options. Running along that fence, but in the end… running into emptiness.

"So what? She though doing the suicide squad would help her cause?" Tony can't help but huff.

"I don't know. One moment she was holding the child close… the next she just lunged forward and disappeared into her magical green light. I had no time to react. Really, if only she couldn't transport short distances. Then I maybe could've…," Natasha shakes her head, biting her lower lip. Clint holds her by the shoulder, "It's not your fault, Natasha."

"It damn well feels like it though," the female agent mutters.

"It's not," he insists. It's no one's fault… other than Odin's.

"… Should we… bring them inside, maybe?" Steve asks tentatively.

"It might be for the best," Bruce agrees.

"The left wing of the mansion is alright. We won't run any trouble there," Tony confirms, after checking the building for damage. They can't have the building raining down on them now that the world already rained down on them.

"SHIELD sends people to… settle the rest," Clint adds. Steve nods, leaning down to pick up Loki's body. Bruce takes the babe and they start to walk over to the house in a sad procession. They make their way inside. Gladly, the left wing is really mostly unharmed. The Avengers lay down the bodies on the couch in the lounge area.

"What do we do now?" Steve asks, arms crossed over his chest.

"Hope that Thor rips Odin's head off?" Natasha hisses.

"Well, obviously. But other than that?" Steve snorts.

"I don't know. I guess we have to see… as to what Thor… wants to do… you know… for the… burial… I still can't believe that this is… really an issue now…," Bruce shakes his head. One day they were installing beds for the kid everywhere, child safety locks, play pens, and now… they are supposed to dig two graves?

"We'll have to wait for his return, and then…," Clint means to reply, but that is when suddenly Loki's body bolts up, letting out a loud gasp, the color returning to her ashen face. The child, as if on cue, starts to weep, a rosy pink settling as its complexion.

"Zombies!" Tony exclaims, throwing his hands in the air. "They are real!"

"What the hell?!" Steve shrieks as well.

"Loki…," Natasha breathes, still not believing it.

"I'm fine... I...," the raven mutters, looking around dazed.

"Let me be judge of that," Bruce mutters, overcoming his shock by focusing on something he can do on autopilot as well – check her and the child's status. Loki's eyes follow him lazily.

"What the bloody hell?! I just peed in my suit! Do we now have two zombies on the team now, yes or no!? Oh my friggin' God in Heaven, Jesus! Buddha! ALF!" Tony yells, both hands against his head, walking circles.

"… I… used my party trick?" Loki mutters, her voice no more than a whisper.

"Come again?" Clint frowns.

"I faked my… our… demise… well, obviously… otherwise I wouldn't be talking to you…," Loki says, blinking repeatedly. Her head feels as though it was wrapped in cotton.

"But the attack…," Steve mutters, but Loki corrects him in a soft voice, "An attack _I_ fired. I made it look like it recoiled, but it didn't do anything other than looking… _threateningly_. In fact I used the time to cast another spell… to… well… do this."

"How is that possible?! You had no heartbeat," Natasha questions.

"Neither did the child," Clint adds.

"We both were dead for a few minutes. That was the only way to bring off the chains and nullify the binding spell. The warrior confirmed that only death could break the bond. So… I killed us both, but brought us back. It's a magic chant I used couple of times when on my voyages… as I said, it's my… _party trick_?" Loki offers weakly.

"Well, Chriss Angel will eat your heart out for that one...," Tony grunts.

"It's actually thanks to my daughter that I am here," Loki explains.

"Hela," Tony nods, starting to understand.

"Yes, coupled with the magic spell I… _invented_ , I can… go to her realm of the dead, but then return," Loki says mutely. "That is the one travel Odin couldn't ever take from me, for the soul has to travel to this place once we go. The old bastard never thought of that option."

Because he seemingly never understood just how desperate Loki could get in her measurements. Though at some point she can't believe it herself.

"That means you are immortal, for real?" Steve grimaces. She as well as Thor always pondered on it that they are indeed not immortal, but now it sounds like Loki… overcame this? Because that would have been convenient to know beforehand!

"No, it only works if I 'fake' my death. If I receive a lethal injury, then I am dead like any other. That is why I attacked myself, to be on the safe side," Loki explains.

"So… you were dead as in _dead_ …," Tony makes a face. He gets the facts, he does, but his mind still tries to catch up to the circumstance that someone actually chose death… to escape death.

"I was dead, yes, as was the child. We were in Hel, but… we came back," Loki whispers. She closes her eyes for a moment, remembering her daughter's face, the warm smile that looks like snow. A place that is ghostly pale, but nevertheless beautiful. Peaceful. Tranquil.

* * *

"Ah, Mother, it's good to see you," her daughter smiles as the light clears and reveals the features of Hela's face, which is not marked by old age, but still as smooth and clean as that of a babe, though she bears the form of a beautiful young woman.

"It's been a long time, I know, my daughter," Loki agrees.

"So will you stay here with me now?" Hela asks curiously.

"I fear it's not my time yet, my dear," Loki shrugs.

"I missed you," Hela tells her in a soft voice, and with an even softer smile.

"I miss you, too, every day," Loki assures her.

"What happened that you are here, though? Did the mischief get you into trouble once again that you had to escape to here?" Hela smiles almost teasingly.

"Very unfortunate events, my child… My life is very troublesome lately… or well, it never stopped being troublesome. I live up to my name," Loki tries to smile, but it shatters, breaks. She knows what she did. What pain she caused. What was done. She died. Her child died. By the Gods…

"You feel pain," Hela tilts her head.

"It's hard," Loki shrugs.

"I can see that… and feel it," her daughter nods, her voice full of empathy.

"I am sorry," Loki shakes her head. She knows that her daughter can sense such things, feels the emotions as her own, but right now Loki can't keep the hurt out of her heart, the fear still making her fingers tremble, regardless of the tranquility all around her. She is still at war inside her heart, and no peace will be achieved any time soon.

"No, don't be. I am just… irritated. You usually change the course once it gets too hurtful, but I feel so much pain from you now, Mother," Hela argues.

"Well, again, it's a complicated matter," Loki exhales.

"But you still want to live? You know… you don't have to. I already told you before that my arms always open for you to come to me. You can stay, stay here with me, with us, come to peace, stop wandering around so aimlessly, for we both know that you did for an awfully long time," Hela whispers. And before Loki got to know the Avengers, she did not just consider to take the offer. She wanted to, more than desperately.

"I am no longer. I found my place. I found… many things, people… friends…," Loki mutters.

"So you suffer for them," Hela tilts her head.

"I do not suffer," Loki argues, looking at Hela, who frowns, "But the pain…"

"I take this pain because I feel so much goodness as a reward. I don't feel as lonely as I did for the many times you saw me with head hanging low. I found this place I want to stay at, with people I like and who like me for who I am and what I am," Loki assures her.

"But it is not just companionship you found, is it?" Hela smiles.

"Indeed…," Loki hums.

"Oh, so you and… the man I don't really like," Hela makes a face. She never made her disappointment in Thor particularly a secret.

"Yes," Loki chuckles softly.

"And you are sure?" Hela narrows her eyes slightly, though her voice is still as soft as silk.

"Yes," Loki tells her with determination. Nothing has changed about that. Since ever. That is the one thing she is sure of in all that chaos. That if she had the chance between not going that one step or taking it nevertheless, she would always leap into the reality in which he is by her side. Because with him she can't be. Ever again.

"Even though he caused you pain?" Hela asks silently.

"I caused him pain, too. That's not the matter, my child. Perhaps it is something you have yet to learn. Pain is something we have to undergo to find pleasures in the smaller things. Love reaches beyond all pain, I know that now. And hopefully, you will one day, too."

"But he of all companions?" Hela can't help but ask, making Loki laugh, but then she goes on more seriously, "He has changed, my child. And believe me when I say so in his name, but he is very sorry for not having intercepted in Odin's actions to have us parted."

"He said so," Hela means to make sure.

"You know it already, my child, deep inside you do," Loki smiles softly.

"I still don't like him," Hela huffs.

"Trust me, most of the time I don't like him either. But I do love him very dearly," Loki chuckles. She is so much like her in these ways.

"Well… He made an excellent choice, then," Hela says at last, smiling at her with glistening eyes.

"And so did I. I am happy," Loki replies.

"That is good. Happiness is a rare good that should be cherished," Hela agrees.

"I know," Loki nods.

"Of course you do. You taught me that," Hela grins.

"Right," the trickster agrees. Hela tilts her head again, looking at the bundle of red in Loki's arms, "And is that…?"

"Yes, your new half-brother," Loki smiles at her. Hela motions closer to peek inside the bundle to capture a glance of the infant.

"He's wonderful," she smiles.

"He looks a lot like you did when I first had you," Loki tells her.

"Really?" Hela looks at her almost excitedly.

"The same nose, I know for sure," Loki chuckles.

"He is big for a babe," Hela frowns.

"Well, Aesir are rather tough creatures after all. But he is by no means as heavy as your other brother Jörmungandr was, believe me that," Loki huffs. However, that is when the child starts to weep in her arms.

"Oh, he seems upset," Hela frowns.

"He is. The way here was very troublesome. You know how it goes. That is actually something I didn't want to put him through so early on… or ever. The barrier of death is something children should not be forced to climb across," Loki shakes her head sadly, rocking the child, but now it is crying and she feels like crying also.

"Indeed," Hela agrees solemnly.

"And I believe he misses his father already," Loki sighs. Again, as does she. Her children are truly her mirrors also. And at some point she wished they weren't. To protect them.

"Or he feels your feelings as his," Hela shrugs.

"For which I am already very sorry," Loki mutters, but then feels Hela's wrist on her forearm, though her hand feels like a feather against her skin. "Don't be. For neither am I. It means that we are connected in a way that no one can part."

Loki smiles at her, "You are right, my dear daughter, thank you."

"May I?" Hela asks, her eyes glistening as she gestures at the child.

"Of course," Loki nods. The trickster cautiously hands the precious bundle over to her daughter, who takes the newborn with feathery touches into her arms. Hela smoothes her hand over the baby's scalp with a soft smile. The baby stops crying instantly, but instead falls into deep slumber.

"I know that I am the person who takes life, or rather… takes in those souls that are no longer, but… I cannot stop marveling at the miracle of life," Hela whispers.

"Indeed. It never ceases to mesmerize," Loki can't help but agree.

"You are still in danger, aren't you?" Hela asks in a soft voice, rocking the child expertly, though her eyes are now serious and fixed on Loki for an honest reply.

"I hope that this little scheme will ensure our safety, if only for a little while… until I have a new plan," Loki explains.

"Well, I'm glad for my brother that he has such a witty mother to protect him," Hela smiles, looking at the child again.

"I hope my wit will be enough to offer the protection needed," Loki exhales.

"I will pray for you," Hela tells her.

"Thank you," her mother nods.

"You have to go back, don't you?" Hela asks.

"Yes," Loki whispers.

"Will you come see me again sometime?" Hela questions.

"I will, most definitely. I promise you," Loki assures her. She takes Hela's free hand into hers, pulling her closer, "And never forget – for once I cease from this existence, I shall be here with you for the rest of times."

"I will welcome you with open arms, and so I will all the loved ones you bring with you," Hela tells her with a soft smile as she hands the baby back over to the mother. Loki kisses her on the forehead, "My wonderful daughter. Thank you."

"So now, go and live, live for the both of us. Because, once you come, I want to hear all those stories about the other places you told me about, the other worlds you visited, yes?" Hela asks her excitedly.

"I will share every single one with you," Loki assures her.

"I'm looking forward to it," Hela smiles.

"Goodbye," Loki whispers.

"I will see you soon again, but make sure that you keep smiling like that. You didn't smile so for such a long time. And I love your smile, Mother. Never forget to smile – because that means that you live happily," Hela reminds her as white light starts to cloud Loki's vision as she is pulled away from this realm. "And it is happy stories I want to hear, foremost."

* * *

"And why didn't you tell us?!" Tony shrieks, bringing Loki back to the here and now.

"I had to act in the blink of an eye. My powers were fading fast after I birthed the child. That I brought it out by magic only helped reduce my powers. After birth, I lose my abilities for a certain time. So I had to… I had to act before I would have been unable to cast the spell. I didn't have the time. I would have. I didn't want to… leave you under the impression that I… I didn't want to put you through that… I wanted to… warn you and… but… I had no time. There was no time. I just had to act," Loki replies frantically. She cradles the babe close to her chest, kissing the young boy's forehead, a lone tear running down her cheeks. Back when she performed her "party trick" for the first times, Loki believed it didn't matter. Because the trickster didn't deem himself as someone who'd be severely missed. But that is different now. She can see it in her friends' eyes right now. She didn't want to hurt them. And still she did, but… but there was no way. The moment the idea came to her mind, she just… moved forward, away from the window, to spit right in the monster's face.

The others watch Loki cradling her child, tears staining their eyes, and that is when all anger or haste leaves the others. Loki moved as far as to kill her child and herself so that they may live. This is not about plots or being mischievous, it is about the love of a mother for her child. She didn't leave them out because she wanted to trick them, too… there simply was no time.

"But why all this? I still don't get it," Clint frowns.

"Now they believe that I am dead. That means… they will leave me at peace," Loki replies.

By drawing all attention to herself and her "demise", Loki hopes all those eyes formerly on her will avert their gaze now – and leave her alone.

"But won't they know that you are alive again? I mean… if they follow your energy?" Clint argues. "That's what they did this time, too. And they got to you."

"Well, gladly, you brought me inside by now. Even though I have no magical aura for now, and won't for a while, they wouldn't have seen me in that way even if I had awoken in the streets… But the house is safe. I have protective seals everywhere. That is also why they didn't know where to find me inside the building. This would have changed if they had entered, but for as long as they stay out of the house, they will not know me inside," Loki explains.

"Is that why Jarvis couldn't detect you?" Tony asks, narrowing his eyes. He always wondered how she managed that – because Loki, persistently, didn't want to give it away, no matter how much he bugged her about it.

"Indeed," she agrees.

"Smart," Tony puckers his lips, looking impressed.

"Where is Thor?" she asks the one pressing question burning on her lips. By the Gods, she brought about the pain she doesn't wish upon her worst enemy, inside the loved one whom she wants to protect and hold on tight. It's bad enough Loki did that to her friends, but Thor? Thor of all people! She just hopes inside her heart that he will forgive her this one day.

"He went with the soldiers back to Asgard, to kick Odin's ass. I hope he kills him, slowly," Natasha hisses, making her anger over Odin no secret.

"I think that greater powers are at play here," Loki then says, gaining the others' attention. "So I think that Odin's death is actually… still not a favorable option."

"What?" all break out. She must be in delirium, right?! That guy just helped _kill_ her! And the child!

"Those political decisions are pointless. The exclusion itself may have been… acceptable in some way, but it's nonsense to have me sent to Jotunheimr to 'calm' the Jotuns. Even if they surely have interest in getting revenge on me for what I did to their realm, my life would by no means be enough to make them declare peace to Asgard. If anything at all, they now tasted the blood again, and are craving for more… if they don't get upset, for some odd reason, that Odin has a Jotun and a half-Jotun killed for political reasons… To risk to lose Thor as a successor to the throne was actually very stupid and much more risky than would have been to keep me here on earth and force Thor to stay in Asgard," Loki explains. "Killing me was… no smart political choice."

"So what?" Bruce grimaces.

"Odin is not stupid, however. That was and will always be part of the problem. He is a witty man. Why would he do that if he was not under some spell or… whatever else?" Loki argues.

"So what? Have him killed, find the Khan Worm later. I don't care. I want that guy's head, on a stick," Tony grumbles.

"Me, too," all the others add in unison.

"Believe me, nothing more would I dare to crave for, but… whatever has a hold of Odin, it aims at destabilizing all realms… possibly leading to war. There are powers at work that are beyond our reach. And they mean harm. So we would do better finding the source and removing it… and _then_ have Odin's head on a stick," Loki explains.

"… So you are seriously voting for not having him killed?" Tony asks again. Because he doesn't want to believe it. At this point, Tony, and probably everyone else, would rather have Loki back in her former vengeful mode again, where she takes revenge for taking her glass away without asking permission first. That guy _killed_ them. That is a boundary no one crosses without facing punishment at her hands.

"For all it's worth, yes," Loki nods.

"Well, then I guess I should make a quick call to Thor to come back and _not_ … kill Odin. That is even tougher to believe than you dead," Tony mutters, already on the pager again.

"Maybe you shouldn't mention Loki's… _secret_ yet. We don't know if they took the device from him or so," Clint argues.

"Yeah, we won't take any more chances," Tony agrees. "And again, I can't believe it. If Big Guy is really in trouble because of that bastard, then sure as hell Odin will have to go. Period."

"Killing Odin at this point might have disastrous consequences for all of us, as much as we hate it," Loki insists. Even if in her opinion, she wants him dead, wants him suffering, she sees the necessity of his life, of his existence. Even though the flames are burning inside of her cold and hot at the same time, all that anger leaves her. Is washed away. Floods out of her. She has her baby in her arms, healthy and alive. Shall Odin go to Hel, she has her child now. Loki managed to beat him, beat him with life and love. That is nothing he can take from her again, she was victorious, for once.

She won.

* * *

"My Prince," Heimdall bows his head as Thor approaches the inside of the dome. He just hopes that his friends are alright. Tony wrote in the message that he has to return urgently – and truly, he does. And the mere thought makes his heart clench painfully again.

"If you have orders from my Father not to let me pass…," Thor sighs, but the warrior interrupts him, "Just go ahead."

"Thank you," Thor nods solemnly.

"I am sorry for your loss, Milord," Heimdall says.

"I am sorry, too. But I thank you for trying. You were one among few," Thor offers feebly.

"I never made it a secret that the God of Mischief and I are not the best of friends, but this was a destiny even… _she_ … did not deserve, neither did the child," Heimdall replies.

"Thank you," Thor mutters.

"Will you be back?" the soldier in golden armor asks.

"I fear so," Thor grimaces. That Odin lets him walk now is probably because of the argument, but that man won't change his course. He learned it the very painful way today.

"I will welcome you back either way," Heimdall assures him. Thor nods solemnly before disappearing into the flux of light, his mind drifting away along with it.

* * *

He opens his eyes to a still destroyed street, thunder rolling in the distance, a strange circumstance, really, that the outside world seems to reflect his inner turmoil, chaos, and raging anger. Thor makes his way to the mansion, his footsteps heavy, his chest still aching, though rather dully. He finds his friends in the left wing of the building.

"Where are they?" he asks, his voice gruff from unshed tears. He has to see them again. He has to trace the outlines of their faces. To remember them. Because that is seemingly all he has left, tatters of a past that was not granted the chance of becoming a future.

"Thor, uhm...," Natasha says, turning to him.

"Where are they?" he demands more forcefully.

And that is when he suddenly hears the gurgling sounds of a child.

What?

Is this a dream?

Or did he lose his mind already?

Thor blinks a few times. No, this sound is real. It is. Isn't it? But that is when suddenly Loki stands in front of him, their baby against her chest. Alive. Moving. Breathing. There.

Thor looks at them in shock, "Wh... I thought you were..."

Loki hurries up to him, green fading into blue, but then she bows her head so that her emeralds are covered by a curtain of black, her voice coming out raw with emotion, "I'm sorry. I faked it. I'm so sorry for putting you through this, but… I had no time to explain. I had to act. That was the only way I saw to free our son and I of the shackles, for only death could part me from them. I am so sorry, so sorry, I… I didn't mean to… I am so sorry. I…"

Loki doesn't know how he will react. She just hopes, hopes, prays that he will forgive her the scheme, the pain she caused him. The worst of all pains. If only she had had the idea sooner, could have told them, but her mind only cleared in the eyes of sure death. And out of that death came possibility. Yet… Loki did to Thor something she didn't dare was possible. To cause within him such a pain, such a loss, and that till last. She can feel his pain in her chest, if only the fainter echo of a shared soul, but it still tears her apart.

The trickster just keeps her head lowered in shame, but that is when she feels herself being pulled forward. Thor just holds on to her as tight as he can, tears freely running down his face. He breathes in her scent, her wonderful scent, stained with dust and ashes, feels her soft hair, her skin, the warmth creeping through his fingertips, the rise and fall of her chest against his, hears the gurgling of their child, the life. The gaping hole in his chest starts to heal, close up again. He feels warmth again. Less broken. More complete.

They are here.

After a while, they let go to look each other in the eye once more, "This is not just a dream, is it?"

Loki just shakes her head into his chest, "No dream."

Reality.

This is real.

Their sorrow and their pain.

Their happiness and bliss.

It's all real, it's all here.

Thor leans even closer to her, not wanting any distance between them. Loki dares to look up to him to ask the question burning cold on her lips, "Can you forgive me?"

She searches his eyes, searches for a sign of anger, resent…

"You did it to protect you and our child. If at all, I have to thank you." Thor tells her in a soft voice, his eyes speaking the same message. "You managed what I couldn't. You are here, that's all that matters. There's nothing to forgive."

He cradles her head into his chest, his chin on her scalp.

"I just had to act," Loki whispers.

"I know. It's alright. It's alright," Thor sighs, kissing her on the scalp.

Loki then turns to the rest of the Avengers. She has to say it. Has to clarify it.

"I thank you all for protecting our child and me. If not for you, we would have been destined to death," she says. "I am sorry that I shocked you as I did, but… but… thank you. Just thank you."

"I forgive you right away if I get to hold the baby," Tony declares with his typical smile.

"You will be the one to drop it," Clint snorts.

"I have cat-like reflexes," Tony insists.

"Those of a dead cat, maybe," Natasha huffs.

"And just maybe," Clint adds.

"Hey, we didn't get killed, the Asgardian folks are back to Asgard, and we finally got our Avengers Mascot. Can't I celebrate that a little bit?" Tony pouts.

"Not that again...," Loki sighs, rolling her eyes.

"What?" Bruce frowns.

"He intends to put our child in a tiny suit of iron to create a tiny version of himself. As an extension of his own ego, or so I figure," the trickster explains.

"It looks totally amazing," Tony insists.

"We will not do that," Bruce exhales wearily.

"And you won't make a child your mascot," Steve adds.

"You guys just don't see how awesome this idea is," Tony argues vehemently.

"God beware that you ever have children, Stark. They are scarred for life even before they are a year old," Natasha rolls her eyes.

"My children are going to be...," Tony says, raising his index finger, but Clint interrupts him before he gets to say it, "Don't wanna hear it."

After that the friends start to argue… the way they do almost every day.

As if nothing ever happened, even when the building is partially in ruins, even though Odin is still a threat, even if nothing is resolved yet… They are here, just the way they used to.

Loki leans with the back of her head against Thor's broad chest, rocking the child softly, watching their friends argue about children and tiny Iron Man suits. That is perhaps the best they can get. A life in the midst of ruins. A flower growing out of stone. Yet, here Loki is... and in a golden cage once more. Some things just never seem to change. She can travel all the realms in the world... she will always end up in some kind of prison again and again... with no more than a flower in its midst.

"You didn't kill him, did you?" she sighs.

"No. Do you think I should have?" he asks.

"I know you shouldn't have… Odin is… something is wrong with him. We have to figure out what powers are at work here," Loki replies. "And by that I mean the powers seemingly possessing your father to cause havoc among the realms."

"So you think he is under a spell?" Thor grimaces.

"I see no other way. He is acting upon impulses that are… having no reasonable ground whatsoever. Even though I know that he definitely wouldn't approve of our relationship even if he were just his usual self, the exclusion and me being 'sold-out' to the Jotuns taken together… are not making any sense. Something is very wrong with him. And we have to figure out what that is," Loki tells him.

"And if not for that? Would you want me to kill him? Because I would, I would now," Thor questions. If she told him right now to go ahead and slay him… he would. He really would.

"Right now I don't know, Thor. I know nothing, actually. I just know that... that we are here... and he is not... that we all live, but are not dead... For whatever the reason... we are all alive, that's all I know," Loki mutters, a tear cascades down her skin. "I just don't know anymore... this is... too much."

As much as she tries to see this analytically, all her rationale floods away as she concentrates on Thor or their child. Her head is a mess, jumbled, unclear, chaos.

"Yeah," Thor breathes. He kisses her on the scalp once again, pulling her a bit closer.

"For as long as the child and I stay in the house… we are safe. Odin cannot make us out in here. I took measurements far before that day," Loki goes on. A bit of safety at last.

"I'm sorry for putting you in a cage once more," Thor shakes his head. He promised her the opposite. He meant to promise her the universe… and now? Now their love is a cage for her again, as it was before. Thor doesn't want to imprison Loki, but he always ends up doing so, or being unable to stop that process from happening.

" _You_ don't put me into that cage, Thor. _I_ chose this. I chose you. This life. And it's worth it. Never doubt that," she tells him with certainty. "For I won't ever."

Thor holds her closer again.

"And anyways… this is supposed to be temporary, until we have a plan," she adds after a while with a half-smile. "And we can decide on Odin's punishment later on the same way. He won't run away, will he?"

"I will fix this," he mutters.

"Is that a threat?" she cocks an eyebrow.

"A promise," he replies.

"Your promises are very often threats... to humankind," she chuckles softly.

"Loki...," Thor sighs, but she claps him on the back of the hand affectionately, "I'm just making fun of you... I want to smile right now."

"You can't?" he frowns.

"At this moment, I don't know if I should cry or laugh. This is just all too overwhelming... I would rather laugh, though, because we should be happy for what we were granted even through all that chaos and pain," she sighs, but then narrows her eyes at him. "And don't you dare tickle me or I might drop our child… and you shall earn my rage."

"Hm, look at Master Stark. He always makes you laugh," Thor offers.

"Yeah... there are quite a few dull oafs in my periphery...," she huffs playfully.

"Are you talking about me?" he chuckles.

"When am I not, you tell me?" she replies. The baby gurgles. Loki quickly starts to rock in a different pattern, causing it to giggle, almost. She smiles fondly as she cradles the newborn.

"Ah, there, our son finally managed," Thor grins.

"He seemingly has your kind of humor," she smiles.

"I thought I don't have a good sense of humor," Thor chuckles.

"You have none at all. It's just that you are funny... for your person," she replies. Thor smirks as well, one hand snaked around her waist, glancing at the child, "His birth truly was a miracle."

"You already have tales to tell him, then, no? Once he is old enough?" she smiles at the child.

"Of course! I will tell him all the while about how gifted he is," Thor nods.

"Gifted?" she frowns. Their son just died. How is that _gifted_? 'Burdened' seems to be a far more appropriate term in Loki's opinion.

"He already came back from the dead. He survived, you see. He is gifted with that much strength. He is a miracle in himself," Thor explains. "He already overcame the depths of life and death."

"Aha," she tilts her head.

"And he is gifted with you as his mother," Thor adds.

"Is he really?" Loki snorts. "After all, I… killed him."

"To bring him back alive," Thor insists. "Now _you_ shall never doubt that. For I won't either."

"Using my own words against me? You keep surprising me, my love," Loki chuckles.

"You carry enough a burden, so don't load that upon your shoulders, too. None of this was your fault," Thor tells her sternly. "I mean it. He is gifted to have you as his mother. I know it for sure."

"Well, he is also gifted with you as his father," she replies. "He has your eyes, I know it."

"And that is my gift to him? The color of my eyes?" Thor frowns.

"No, it's not about the color. But I know for certain that he will have your eyes, your way to look at the world. Brightness and light. Devotion. Strength. Hope," Loki says. "I know it, deep down. Believe me, that is a gift. I know that he is gifted because no one will love him more than you do."

"That is true," Thor agrees. This child is his. And the love for this small creature is already pushing the boundaries of all realms.

"I just hope... that maybe I can keep him this time," she sighs solemnly. Because she doesn't have Thor's eyes.

"I will tear down all worlds there are to ensure that," Thor assures her.

"You have to keep one for us to live on, you know?" she smiles. Perhaps he can see for her?

"Fine, each and everyone except for one… or I build a new one," he shrugs. "With bare hands if I have to."

"That sounds nice," Loki nods. "I'd like that."

A world of their own.

A world created by themselves.

A world where it's just them – and their friends.

"We have a son," Thor smiles, looking at the small face again.

"A son, yes," Loki nods.

"I can't even say how much I love you," Thor whispers.

"I love you, too," Loki mutters. She leans her head against his chest, getting lost in the steady throb of his heart.

They are home.

They are here.


End file.
